Civil

12:02pm: This guy I work with, holy shit, he is absolutly beautiful! His hair is long and black, and oh so shiny. He's got this semi-built figure and he's so tall. The other day he pulled up his shirt and I saw his stomach, and OMG I wanted to grab him and run my hands over it! *faints* Just thinking about his tummy and gorgeous face, ahhhhhhhhhh *wipes the drool off chin*. I can't wait to work with him again...Just seeing him again would make me so incredibly happy. Damn it's good to be single...

:)

8:47pm: Damnit...
Oh God I'm in love with my ex's best friend. We've been hanging out alot lately, and I want nothing more than to touch him. I want to hold him and touch his beautiful body. I love him...oh god help me. I know there is nothing I can do, but I want to do it so badly. HELP!

8:49pm: My job is fuckin rediculous. They tell me that they owe me several raises because I've worked their long enough to get a BIG one, but they haven't givin to me. I'm about to quit. Plus, one of my ex's works there...and I don't need that shit right now.
Well, Steven broke up with me. Told me that he cheated on me (no suprise). What suprised me, is who he cheated on me WITH. My cousin who lives in St. Paul! So yeah, two back stabbings in one week, how nice.
Getting tired of life. No one here to love me and no one for me to love. Parents no where to be found, family backstab's at every point possible. Friends turn their backs when I need them most.

Fuck life, and fuck you...

12:06pm: Fuck it dude, this life isn't worth it. I don't miss my ex, but it hurts me to see him at the girls house who he cheated on me with. He hurt me horribly, and I hate his guts, but somehow knowing that he hangs out with her and goes to her house kills me. Just knowing that he likes being around her and fucking her makes me wanna vomit.
I think my boyfriend is going to break up with me. He's been acting distant lately and he's been awfully moody. This is exactly how my ex started acting before I found out he was cheating on me with Jean. So I'm just sitting here waiting for it to happen. For me to get that call from him, telling me he never meant to hurt me, and that he loves me he just can't put me through all of this pain anymore. What bullshit will he come up with? Will he cry, or just act like he's so upset he can't cry anymore?

I HATE MEN!

2:26pm: I fucking hate my boyfriend. He loves all these little gothy chicks, but I don't consider myself "goth". What does it mean to be "goth" anyways? It's only a label, a stereotype to me. To call someone a goth, or prep, or jock, or punk or anything is to label them and include them in some kind of group, which then alienates them from other people who are not of that stereotype.
I look at his little journal, and see all his online friends are goth girls. In all black, black make-up, black hair, black everything! How does he find this attractive? These girls are hiding under LAYERS of make-up and their hiding in their own little dark worlds. Writing evil poetry and storys and listening to dark music. It sickens me that my boyfriend (I won't name him) finds this fasinating. I am not a goth, not a prep, not a metal head, not anything I don't wish to be. I am myself, and I don't think he loves me for that. I think he loves me for what he's trying to see me as. For what he is trying to make me into. If you truely love someone, you shouldn't try to change them...