|Subject:||I hate Mondays...|
Ugh. Mondays. What could be worse? Atleast next week is Spring Break. VA Beach or BUST!! Atleast I hope my dad is taking us. I'll cry if we don't go. I love VA Beach.
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Emily and I are talking a lot.. damn she's great. No, no.. no woman to woman attraction here.. I mean she's hott, but I'm not crushing on her or anything. She's so fuckin' funny though. I'm gonna call her SpazDonkey tomorrow and see what she says 'cause I told her she was spazzy today and she was doing this humming thing and sounded like a retarded donkey... Lol. Well she cracks ME up anyways, lol.
Vanessa was absent. Kenny is getting on my fucking nerves. I mean, yeah, he's a nice guy and everything but when he starts following me around he gets SO annoying. Vanessa was absent. (Yes I know I said it twice) I didn't hear a rant at Lunch or anyhing. I love it when she rants. Her and Emily are probably the funniest people I know. Except Vanessa is fuckin' hilarious.. well so is Emily but Vanessa is just... more my type I guess. If only I didn't have this ugly fucking face.. we might be going out by now. Argh.
Well, I'm thinking about quitting smoking. I don't know why - I guess it's just not that great anymore. But then two hours later I need one and I feel great again... I dunno. I'll have to think about it. There's no way I'm quitting pot. <3 What can I say? I dig it.
You are now witnessing my final good-bye to my friend Erin Angle.
You are one of the best people I know. I love you, but I am FINALLY over you. I am not deeply, madly obsessed anymore.. and part of me is happy, and part of me is sad. I still wish you weren't expelled. I wish I could give you a hug goodbye or somethng... You were and will always be part of my heart. One.
00000000 Wow... scary. I will no longer ever weep that she is gone. 00000000000
Damnit sometimes I just want to kill myself for the simple pleasure that then people who think I'm chicken shit have to think twice. I fuckin' hate being home.. it's so straight! I mean my older sister wonders why I don't like being home and then tells me to swallow a fuckin' bottle of tylonel. Ugh. Her friends are so bitchy towards me.. well not all of them, just Maureen. Everyone think shes all nice and shit then she turns around and tells me to do it too. Sometimes I just hate life. But when I'm at school everythings great.. great friends, great classes with great friends... basically if I didn't have my friends then I don't know WTF I'd do. I just love them. It's just good to feel like someone cares about me because God knows no one at home does.. well yeah I guess my Mom and Dad "love me" or whatever, but it just feels like I don't belong.. and Aryn (older sister) just makes it more plain. I was like "Man Maureen, you're so annoying!" And Aryn said "Now you know what it feels like everytime you walk into this house!" I now know I made the right decision to move out, just because I guess it makes SOME people happy not having me around. Man, FUCK ARYN. She wants me to die so bad and one day I really will and then I hope she dies of guilt.. because she is the only person making me feel suicidal at the moment. I mean it used to be really bad, but now school is better, friends are better, drugs are better, LIFE in general is better. Thank God. Ok. I'm done ranting about this subject and that fuckin' bitch that I have to call my sister.
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Well anyways, today I saw "Taking Lives". It was actually very good. It is the best Angelina Jolie movie I've seen in a long while. It's fucking crazy though how I can watch a movie of hers from ten years ago, and then watch this one.. and she's still fuckin' drop dead gorgeous. Even Mitch knows she's hott. It doesn't matter if your homo/bi/hetero/metero/male/female... you KNOW she's hott.
It actually feels good to spend some time with my Mom, because she's actually pretty nice to me now... no yelling, screaming, or trying to hit me. Maybe its because she wasn't drunk tonight.. lol.
OK... Vanessa time. Jesus, she is great. I don't know how SHE happened, but it's sweet. You can be in the worst mood possible and then she'll just cheer me right up. I'm just glad NOT to have a physical attraction to someone for once. This is purely mental... too bad she's so stuck on looks. We might have actually been good together. What fuckin' blows is that she will hug every single girl in this god damn universe before she gives ME a fuckin' hi-five! Man I just want to.. tell her, ya know? I think I might be too late. On Friday, this guy comes up to us at Lunch and he's like "Someone's in love with you Vanessa!" .. but he doesn't know who it is. I'm wondering if it's me.. because I wrote on this TI-83 that day that I was falling for her. Dude.. I don't know wtf to do around her anymore. I mean we talk like all lunch, every day. But sometimes there are weird silences 'cause there is nothing really to talk about... What can I say to start a conversation?? Ugh. Fuck love.