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Saturday, September 13th, 2003
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5:13 pm - My last entry...
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For a number of reasons (the main one being comcast screwed up my email account as crxshiftin), I've changed my email address to: glasscandie@comcast.net. I still have the crx one, but I can't send out-going mail, and sometimes I'm not recieving the mail people send to me. So use the glasscandie one. Also, I'm changing my blurty account to glasscandie, also, so this will be my last entry as crxshiftin. :*( SOMEONE HELP ME MAKE THE NEW ACCOUNT LOOK LIKE THIS ONE!!! AHH!!!!
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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3:00 am - dextromethorphan
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Relax and give in.
AWAKEalive
(but I know I'm dead)
I want to lay there with you,
and tear my soul from sanity.
The tunnel trembles,
but I can't stop driving towards the
end of the world.
So I will endure this until you
take me away,
erase my erotica and glass candy -
I need someone, but not anyone.
Don't bother hating me.
I can assure you I hate myself more.
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(comment on this)
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1:56 am - A friend in need's a friend indeed...a friend with weed is better...
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I guess I haven't updated since the gay club thing. Didn't really do much. School, blah blah blah. Looking for work. Yesterday night I slept at Dave's mom's house in WEST bumblefuck (that's right dave, if you're reading this, which I'm sure you are, WEST bumblefuck, not east), came home today. Took a shower, ate dinner, went out with Dmitry for a bit. We went back to his house to watch a movie and drink. I'm actually kind of bored, but I have to go to bed soon, because my mom needs me to help her clean out the basement tomorrow. I guess that's it. Maybe more later, if I drink more, which I'm sure I am. Not yet un-sober enough to be contemplative.
current mood: buzzed
current music: Pink Floyd - Mother
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, September 5th, 2003
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3:08 pm - Bored...
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I'm so bored out of my skull. I'm at Dave's house. His mom's making dinner, and Dave and Dmitry are watching some stupid Dragon Ball Z movie. Bored bored bored....
current mood:  bored
current music: the boring sounds of dragon ball z
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, September 3rd, 2003
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11:43 pm
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I stand, alone
in a place that is filled with death.
And here, I've grown
so used to dread.
Oh silent past,
cloaked in grief.
Roll back the stone.
With these words written by a bleeding, shaking hand
tears seize my eyes
sweeping me away - a sinner.
Falling swiftly into night
the day my voice died -
staring at the knife.
Oh silent past,
cloaked in grief.
How easy now my sacrifice.
My will is lost to the real faces
of my idols.
Understanding has tied my tourniquet.
Has -this- become my only option for release?
Strike a chord with misery,
sirensong to sing along.
I hear his voice from where mine defied me.
Oh silent past,
cloaked in grief.
Roll back all the stones.
I have kissed every scar,
for they are my own.
I'm so tired of being weak.
Falling swiftly into night
the day my voice died.
Staring at the knife.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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10:35 pm - Math was a nice hour nap...
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I have no idea how I'm going to get through a whole semester of that stupid fucking retarded math. The fuckin teacher has this really thick accent, and I have no clue what the fuck he was saying most of the time. And we were seriously doing ADDITION. The first chapter is on WHOLE NUMBERS. I was like, falling asleep...and when I wasn't, I was staring at the clock, waiting for 835pm to come. God, that sucked. Sociology was pretty cool, though. I think that's going to be a fun class - lots of good debates will come out of that one. The teacher's from Seton Hall, though...I thought Shannon was going to have a heart attack. lol. Now I'm dead tired, though. I actually have HOMEWORK. I don't think I've had homework since like, sophomore year in high school. Back to the grindstone, Courtney. I HAVE to keep a 3.5 gpa, though, otherwise I won't be able to transfer into UCLA. So at least that gives me some initiative to stay awake in math...
........Dmitry really needs to stop obsessing over Shannon...it's quite annoying....
current music: Limp Bizkit - Pollution
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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1:58 pm - Summer's over...
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This sucks. I really really REALLY really don't want to go back to school. At least I'm not going to CHS again...haha Caitlin. Sucks for you. I have four classes, two of which Shannon's in, so at least I'll have some company. I'm taking Western Civ, Public Speaking, Sociology, and retarded math (the last two classes are the ones I have with Shannon). And they didn't even have a stupid English major...I had to put mine down as Print Journalism. I hate journalism. Oh well. I'm transfering out after 2 years, anyway.
Dave decided that he was going to move in with my dad sometime in October. That'll be kind of cool, I guess. At least he'll be around. He's in Kingwood (hickstown) at the moment. I'm going up there sometime tomorrow, and staying over, and then we'll both come back to Cranford sometime Friday afternoon.
I think if I fill out any more job applications, my hands are going to fall off. I think I got this job at a tanning salon called the Sun Spot in Clark. I'm pretty sure I got the job, too, because I used to go to school with the daughter of the woman who owns it. I'd be working Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednsdays from 8am-1pm. It's not too bad - 7.50 under the table, and I can do all my homework there, because it's really slow in the mornings. I also applied at a bunch of restaurants, like Chili's and Applebee's. I'm trying to get a waitressing job for Thursday and Friday nights, so I can make like, $200 in those two days. Then I'll be pretty set. Because I have a huge debt to pay off to my mother, and I have to start paying my car insurance again (go $80 a month! yeah!), and I want to save up some money, because I want to transfer to UCLA when I'm a junior and don't want to be broke when I get out there. That's about it. I'm pretty bored right now, because I don't have anything to do until 420 when I have class...wish me luck, whoever's reading this. I need a 3.5 to transfer...
current mood: bored
current music: Eve 6 - that blender song
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003
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2:49 am
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SOMEONE ACTUALLY LIKES MY STORIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO TO FICTIONPRESS.COM/~CRXSHIFTIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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2:31 am
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I didn't do too much tonight. Dave left, went back to Kingwood. I think he's going to live there again, and that totally sucks. I won't be able to see him, except on the weekends, and that's if I can find a ride up there, because there's no fuckin way the CRX will make it. I rented "Don't Be a Menace" and watched it with my mom, and then Dmitry came over and we watched "Friday." After he left, I broke open the 151, which I didn't touch the whole time we were all in Wildwood, and watched some videos from when I was younger. I kind of wish I didn't, because my dad was such an asshole then. I was watching, and these snotty comments he made to my mom totally pissed me off, and my mom didn't do shit about it. I guess I didn't realize it when I was younger. All my memories of my childhood are good ones, until when I was in sixth or seventh grade - then it all went down hill. But I remember having a really good childhood. Goddamn, those videos brought back memories. Just little shit, little specific incidents or objects. Like my mom's Guess jeans. And how my dad always wore the same belt, and always kept his wallet in his right back pocket of his jeans. And the puppet show my mom put on for my sister, my cousin, and me. Living on Rosewood Terrace. I wrote a poem about Rosewood once, but I lost it when my mom updated my computer. It was a good poem, too.
I went over to Sue's house today, earlier. She's my dad's new girlfriend. She has two kids; they're younger, though. I felt so out of place there. It was like my dad had a new family. And when I was walking back to my car, I was really upset. It's like he has a new family now. He's like a father to her kids - their real father died of cancer when they were really REALLY little. But he's like their father now, and I was upset because I was like, How about being a father to your three other kids? He gives me money or food whenever I need it, doesn't really make a big deal out of it, but I haven't had a male influence in my life for the longest time. Caitlin was always his "baby" - the youngest, she'll always be his baby. She can get away with murder. Adam's the oldest, he hasn't seen him for like, 8 years, so Adam's a novelty to him, so he gives him special attention. Doesn't act the way he does around me. But me? I'm the middle child. And that sucks. Caitlin's the baby, Adam's his first child. I get the brunt of all his fuckin attitudes and whatnot. I have no idea. I've always felt a little left out.
When Caitlin turned 4, my parents gave me this snowglobe thing that had a unicorn inside it. I used to be obsessed with unicorns. And "Ariel the Little Mermaid." I remember I broke it one time, and the unicorn inside was really really small. Like, an inch big. And I was so confused, because it looked bigger when all the liquid and shit was inside the globe. I remember playing some sort of video game that started with an A. Atari, I think. I remember my mom telling me that she was pregnant, and I was going to have a little brother or sister. I remember when I had the chicken pox, and discovered my first chicken pox on my leg. I really wish I hadn't watched those videos. I haven't seen them for like, 3 years. I watched them with Jake once, so it must have been a while ago.
I have my father's nose, and I have my father's personality. I'm just very into instant gratification. I find it very hard to look into the future...I know what I want. But I want it now. I can't wait. I can't save money for shit - I mean, holy shit, I blew all my graduation money on I don't know what. Probably weed. I want to up and go to California NOW. Like, I would hop on a plane at this moment if someone gave me the ticket. But I don't have any money, I don't have a job. Instant gratification. And that's the downfall of my father. He has no money saved up. He lives paycheck to paycheck. And I don't want to do that. I want to be an author. I want to be as popular as Stephen King. But what's the likelyness that that will happen? A couple people read the book I wrote, and two out of the three people said it sucked. And that depresses me, because I poured my heart and soul into that book. Jake didn't like it, and Jake's one of the few people I respect in my life. My mother's one of the other people, Shannon's another, and Dave's getting there. I can trust all of their opinions. But if Jake said my book sucked, I know he's telling the truth. But where does that leave me? My one and only continuous ambition in my life has been to be a published author. What if I don't ever get to be one? I'll be working some shitty job, and writing on the side, and now being happy at all, because I'm not don't what I want to do. I don't know. Those fucking videos depress the shit out of me.
I really wish I could talk to Dave. I don't even want to go to bed, because I'm not sleeping with him. It's so weird. I've been sleeping in the same bed as him for like, six nights. And now I won't see him until Friday night. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do when he leaves for the airforce. That's so depressing to me. I've finally found someone who totally understands me, who I can talk to without any reserve and he's leaving in April probably. And for the next seven or eight months, I'm only going to see him on weekends. That's like, not enough for me. I miss him. I miss his eyes, and I miss all the stupid Kingwood expressions he has, and I miss him kissing me, and holding me, and just being there. Maybe I'm getting too attached? I can't even help it. Right now, I miss him so much. I know he's sleeping. I can imagine him sleeping. It seems such a long time until Friday.........................................................................................such a long fuckin time. I definatly got too attached too quickly. I like him so much thought. I can't go as far as saying I love him, because it takes such a long time to get to know someone, but I know I like him alot. I'm afraid I like him more than he does me. I started missing him as soon as I dropped him off at his car earlier today. And fuck. I forgot to get my guitar. Fuck fuck fuck. I want to see him. I want to see him so bad right now. I just want him to hold me, and just breath in his aftershave and his deoderant. I just want him to smile at me, or try to kiss me in my ear, or quote a movie quote. Or play guitar for me. Yesterday night we were like, rolling on the floor trying to tickle each other. It's just the best feelign in the world waking up next to him. I roll over, or look over, andhe's there. He sleeps with his eyes open sometimes, though. It's kind of weird. I don't think I can wait until Friday to see him....................................................that's such a looooooooooooooooong time. Like, 4 days. THIS FUCKING SUCKS. I definatly got attached too quickly......
current mood:  drunk
current music: Pearl Jam - Half the Man I Used to Be
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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1:56 am
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I didn't do too much tonight. Dave left, went back to Kingwood. I think he's going to live there again, and that totally sucks. I won't be able to see him, except on the weekends, and that's if I can find a ride up there, because there's no fuckin way the CRX will make it. I rented "Don't Be a Menace" and watched it with my mom, and then Dmitry came over and we watched "Friday." After he left, I broke open the 151, which I didn't touch the whole time we were all in Wildwood, and watched some videos from when I was younger. I kind of wish I didn't, because my dad was such an asshole then. I was watching, and these snotty comments he made to my mom totally pissed me off, and my mom didn't do shit about it. I guess I didn't realize it when I was younger. All my memories of my childhood are good ones, until when I was in sixth or seventh grade - then it all went down hill. But I remember having a really good childhood. Goddamn, those videos brought back memories. Just little shit, little specific incidents or objects. Like my mom's Guess jeans. And how my dad always wore the same belt, and always kept his wallet in his right back pocket of his jeans. And the puppet show my mom put on for my sister, my cousin, and me. Living on Rosewood Terrace. I wrote a poem about Rosewood once, but I lost it when my mom updated my computer. It was a good poem, too.
I went over to Sue's house today, earlier. She's my dad's new girlfriend. She has two kids; they're younger, though. I felt so out of place there. It was like my dad had a new family. And when I was walking back to my car, I was really upset. It's like he has a new family now. He's like a father to her kids - their real father died of cancer when they were really REALLY little. But he's like their father now, and I was upset because I was like, How about being a father to your three other kids? He gives me money or food whenever I need it, doesn't really make a big deal out of it, but I haven't had a male influence in my life for the longest time. Caitlin was always his "baby" - the youngest, she'll always be his baby. She can get away with murder. Adam's the oldest, he hasn't seen him for like, 8 years, so Adam's a novelty to him, so he gives him special attention. Doesn't act the way he does around me. But me? I'm the middle child. And that sucks. Caitlin's the baby, Adam's his first child. I get the brunt of all his fuckin attitudes and whatnot. I have no idea. I've always felt a little left out.
When Caitlin turned 4, my parents gave me this snowglobe thing that had a unicorn inside it. I used to be obsessed with unicorns. And "Ariel the Little Mermaid." I remember I broke it one time, and the unicorn inside was really really small. Like, an inch big. And I was so confused, because it looked bigger when all the liquid and shit was inside the globe. I remember playing some sort of video game that started with an A. Atari, I think. I remember my mom telling me that she was pregnant, and I was going to have a little brother or sister. I remember when I had the chicken pox, and discovered my first chicken pox on my leg. I really wish I hadn't watched those videos. I haven't seen them for like, 3 years. I watched them with Jake once, so it must have been a while ago.
I have my father's nose, and I have my father's personality. I'm just very into instant gratification. I find it very hard to look into the future...I know what I want. But I want it now. I can't wait. I can't save money for shit - I mean, holy shit, I blew all my graduation money on I don't know what. Probably weed. I want to up and go to California NOW. Like, I would hop on a plane at this moment if someone gave me the ticket. But I don't have any money, I don't have a job. Instant gratification. And that's the downfall of my father. He has no money saved up. He lives paycheck to paycheck. And I don't want to do that. I want to be an author. I want to be as popular as Stephen King. But what's the likelyness that that will happen? A couple people read the book I wrote, and two out of the three people said it sucked. And that depresses me, because I poured my heart and soul into that book. Jake didn't like it, and Jake's one of the few people I respect in my life. My mother's one of the other people, Shannon's another, and Dave's getting there. I can trust all of their opinions. But if Jake said my book sucked, I know he's telling the truth. But where does that leave me? My one and only continuous ambition in my life has been to be a published author. What if I don't ever get to be one? I'll be working some shitty job, and writing on the side, and now being happy at all, because I'm not don't what I want to do. I don't know. Those fucking videos depress the shit out of me.
I really wish I could talk to Dave. I don't even want to go to bed, because I'm not sleeping with him. It's so weird. I've been sleeping in the same bed as him for like, six nights. And now I won't see him until Friday night. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do when he leaves for the airforce. That's so depressing to me. I've finally found someone who totally understands me, who I can talk to without any reserve and he's leaving in April probably. And for the next seven or eight months, I'm only going to see him on weekends. That's like, not enough for me. I miss him. I miss his eyes, and I miss all the stupid Kingwood expressions he has, and I miss him kissing me, and holding me, and just being there. Maybe I'm getting too attached? I can't even help it. Right now, I miss him so much. I know he's sleeping. I can imagine him sleeping. It seems such a long time until Friday.........................................................................................such a long fuckin time. I definatly got too attached too quickly. I like him so much thought. I can't go as far as saying I love him, because it takes such a long time to get to know someone, but I know I like him alot. I'm afraid I like him more than he does me. I started missing him as soon as I dropped him off at his car earlier today. And fuck. I forgot to get my guitar. Fuck fuck fuck. I want to see him. I want to see him so bad right now. I just want him to hold me, and just breath in his aftershave and his deoderant. I just want him to smile at me, or try to kiss me in my ear, or quote a movie quote. Or play guitar for me. Yesterday night we were like, rolling on the floor trying to tickle each other. It's just the best feelign in the world waking up next to him. I roll over, or look over, andhe's there. He sleeps with his eyes open sometimes, though. It's kind of weird. I don't think I can wait until Friday to see him....................................................that's such a looooooooooooooooong time. Like, 4 days. THIS FUCKING SUCKS. I definatly got attached too quickly......
current music: Pearl Jam - Half the Man I Used to Be
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
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2:12 am
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Went with Shannon and Chris down to Keansburg this evening. They actually got me to go on rides, which is a huge feat, if you know me. I'm so terrified of heights it isn't even funny. We went on this tower of terror thingy. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I was so fuckin scared I was like, crying. lol. When they dropped us, I thought my heart was going to explode. I seriously couldn't breathe. I wouldn't do it again in a million years, but I had fun. We also went on these race car things. That was fun, too.
That's basically it. Watched Scary Movie 2. I think Dave's going to end up moving into my dad's house with me, because Dmitry's parents said Dave couldn't move in there. I guess that's cool. If he actually moves in, it'll be kind of weird - I've never lived with a guy before, besides my dad. I still can't think of a good way to tell my mom that I'm moving in with my dad without offending her. Any suggestions, anyone? I think tomorrow I might be going down to New Brunswick to visit my cousin Ryan, because I haven't hung out with him all summer. He's a cool guy. He's in a frat, too, which makes it even better. Free beer for me. :)
current mood: bored
current music: Black Label Society - Rust
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, August 24th, 2003
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10:34 pm - I'm baaack...
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Christ. I feel like I haven't been home in years...and I've only been gone since Thursday. I can't wait to sleep in my bed again tonight...I haven't slept in it in like, a month, because I'm always sleeping over someone's house.
I went up to Dave's mom's house for the weekend, because he wanted me to come to this family party with him, and then we were going to go to this party where he was playing guitar for my brother's band. The party didn't work out, because the drummer bailed out on them, which sucked. They practiced a lot in the past month. I was a little nervous being up at his mom's house. I know his dad likes me (or at least I think he does), but when I met his mom for the first time, she was a little...I don't know. Reserved? Or something. I didn't think she liked me. But we actually got along really well, and we ended up talking for like, forty-five minutes one night, because I had a lot of things on my mind. It was cool. So I think she likes me. I'll have to ask Dave when I talk to him on Tuesday night.
That's about it. I've been feeling so much better now that I don't have to go to Fairleigh (my mom finally caved in and let me go to UCC like I wanted to).
current mood:  tired
current music: Aerosmith - Hole in my Soul
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
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3:36 am - This night won't end...
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Oh man. I've been missing Dave all night. And worrying about him and Dana. But mainly missing him, because Dimitry and Shannon have assured me over and over again that he won't do anything with Dana not that he's with me.
It was Dimitry's 21st birthday today, so Shannon, him, and I chilled at his house and watched "Shanghigh Nights," which was an okay movie, but not great. Then we dropped Shannon off, and Dimitry and I went to New Brunswick to hang out with one of his friends. So we drank (and his friend and I smoked a little hash). Then we stopped by White Castle on the way home, and these two black dudes were talking to us. I think they wanted us to buy x from them, but I'm not sure, because I was too tired to make any kind of sense in a conversation. When I got home, I got into a fight with my mom. She seriously needs to get off my back. I'm so totally going up to Kingswood on Thursday with Dave, even though it'll be boring. I just need to get out of this house. I really can't take it anymore. Any time I fucking see my mother, she's bitching to me about something. Probably she's just scared because I'm leaving home, but give me a fuckin break. So that's about it. I'm not too depressed tonight, just tired. And I miss Dave, but I'll at least see him tomorrow at some point. I guess I should get used to not seeing him for a couple days at a time, because when I go to college, I won't be able to see him every day. And that fuckin sucks. And then when he leaves for the airforce...who the fuck knows when I'll see him. I know for at least 61/2 weeks I won't see him, because he'll be in boot camp. But I don't want to think about that, because that's way too fuckin depressing. So that's about it tonight.
current mood: drunk
current music: Metallica - Turn the Page
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, August 18th, 2003
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3:15 am
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well i know the words/but i can't really speak them/to you/and i hide on the pain/that i've gained with my wisdom/from you/and i meet in my life/by what i hold inside/all the things that i've lived with i can't easily hide/and i'm left here with nothing/nothing to live for/but you/it's not easy to hide/all this damage inside/and i'll carry it with me/until i'm not alive/
when you look at my face/do i seem just as ugly/to you?/and i can't seem to erase/all the scars i have lived with/from you/i'm so sick of this place/and it's taste in my mouth/cause of you i can't figure/what i'm all about/and i'm left here with nothing/nothing to live for/but you/it's not easy to hide/all this damage inside/and i'll carry it with me/until i'm not alive/
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(comment on this)
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2:47 am - ...When you look at my face, do I seem just as ugly to you?...
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I think I'm always going to be depressed. It's not like an every day every hour kind of thing, but it's not just once in a blue moon, either. I've been to like, fifty thousand therapists and taken even more anti-depression medication, but nothing seems to work. Except when I write. So I guess that's my therapy.
It's like...I guess it kind of builds up over a few weeks, and then I hit the bottom of it, and then I'm okay again for awhile. I guess since the last couple of weeks in July, starting right around the anniversary of when I dropped the charges, until the other night, I've been depressed. I know I was. Because I'd look in the mirror and think, "Wow, Courtney, you're really ugly." Or I'll think that no one really likes me, or I'm making all the wrong choices, or I'm screwing up my life. But more importantly, I'd want to burn myself. But I think that's just me. I don't know. Sometimes I feel so isolated and alone, like no one understands what the fuck is going on in my head. And then I'll think I'm crazy or something, because no one understands. Then that stresses me even more.
So last night I slept over Dave's house (nothing new), and we got really REALLY fucked up on vodka. Shannon and Dimitry were there for awhile, and then they left. So Dave and I just chilled on the steps in his dad's apartment building and talked. We talked a LOT. For like, an hour and a half. I can't even remember everything we talked about. But for the first time in awhile, I felt like someone understood me. Like, I'd be about to explain how I felt about something to him, but he would say it first. And I was like, wow, someone else thinks like me. I don't know if it's reciprical, but I really felt like I was connecting to him last night. Like, I finally found a guy who understood me (or if he didn't, he was really good at acting like he did). Jake didn't understand me, but he tried really hard to and I give him credit for that. Wayne never did, but he liked to think he did. Sometimes Sedges does, but not all the time. I just felt really...safe. And comfortable - like I could tell him anything, and he would know what I was talking about. I feel like I could say anything to him, and not worry about him thinking I'm insane. That's such a great feeling. So I woke up the next morning with a horrible hang-over, but I felt good. For the first time in awhile, I didn't worry about anything. I love waking up next to him, too. I don't think there's anything better than falling asleep with someone's arms around you that you really really care about. I think it's better than any drug, any sleep medication they can put me on. Just listening to them breathe, and maybe feeling their heart beating next to yours. Not worrying about anything. Just...comfortable.
current mood:  indescribable
current music: Staind - secret track
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, August 8th, 2003
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5:45 pm
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my room mate's name is antica. that's all i have to say.
current mood:  cynical
current music: dave playing guitar
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 6th, 2003
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1:14 pm
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Well, okay. I have to go to Fairleigh. We can't get our money back. Since there's nothing I can do but go, I'll take Shannon's advice and make the best of it.
I got a job at Hot Topic, I think. I was suppost to go in for an interview at 100pm today, but they called and switched it to 300pm, because the manager's running late or something. That should be a pretty cool job. At least I'll get discounts on their clothes and stuff. Haha.
I've been stressing a little over Dave going into the airforce. I know it's the best possible thing for him to do, and I support him all the way with it...but what about us? He's going to be going to Texas for boot camp for six weeks, and I won't see him then. And then he was talking about getting stationed in California or something, rather than south Jersey like he originally told me he was going to try to go. I can deal with boot camp for six weeks, or how ever long it is, and I told him we'd try to work the relationship out, even if it's long-distance. But California? That's 3000 miles away. I don't know if I can handle that. And that really sucks, because I like Dave a LOT. Like, a lot a lot. This fucking blows. Why do I have to finally find a good guy, and then he leaves? It's just my fuckin luck...
By the way - I got no fuckin sleep last night. Like, literally none. I think I'm going to keel over and die before I can pass out at 900pm...
current mood: tired
current music: Metallica - Master of Puppets
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, August 4th, 2003
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3:47 am
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I'm withdrawing from Fairleigh. I hope this is the right thing to do...
current mood: cynical
current music: absolute fuckin silence is beautiful
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| Thursday, July 31st, 2003
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8:22 pm - I hate waiting...
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I'm waiting for my hair dye to set in...it looks hot so far...I put red streaks in it. We'll see when I rinse it out. I don't even know if the color will stay...blah.
current mood: bored
current music: Manson - Wrapped in Plastic
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3:05 am - Oh by the way
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A message for Shannon -
Watch out for Eileen. Dave said she was flirting with Dimitri at the concert tonight...
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