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Tuesday, January 6th, 2004
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5:37 pm
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Everything got hella hectic today because I had to get things faxed to the school so they would fax things to the Wal Mart Foundation, so that they would send me money, so that I could buy books this semester. It was nuts, but it's done now, so yay.
Katherine and I are goign to hang out tomorrow, minus me puking and sleeping, it'll be grand.
Other than that, I got nothing.
Oh, I finally got to talk to Ivan, that was nice.
I go back to school Sunday, and Chris and Amanda are going to go with me so that they can drive the demon car back here. I hope that they don't break down. We're thinking about leaving Saturday night, but I'm going to be at my cousin's wedding reception, so I don't know what time I'll get back.
Since I've vowed not to drink, I probably won't be too late getting back, so I guess that could work.
That's all.
current mood:  indifferent
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| Sunday, January 4th, 2004
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7:40 pm - "If I only could I'd set the world on fire . . . "
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I hate people.
I worked last night, and Kelly and I worked in the drive-thru together. That was kinda fun. Then Josh shows up (because he's sold his soul to DQ and is there even on his days off) right at closing time.
The three of us decide that we should go to my house after work and watch movies and whatnot.
Then I see that Ivan's friend has called me, and I call him back and we talk for a while but long story short he tells me that Ivan's not planning on calling me because we've "only got a week left" and I get pissed.
There's one simple rule in my life. Don't lie to me. To that I add don't hit me, but for the most part, the only way in the world to really get me mad is to lie to me.
I would rather hear "I hate you and I hope you would die" than a lie. There's nothing in the world that's worth sugarcoating like that to me. I want the truth, even if it makes me cry, a discovered lie is immeasurably worse.
So then I get upset because Ivan told me that he'd call me, and if he doesn't call me, he lied. If he can break the only rule I have about anything, that's probably not such a good sign, I don't know, I don't know what to do.
But anyway, while I'm on the phone with his friend, someone calls on the other line, so I click over and it's another guy I know named Josh. He wants us all to come to his house where he's having a party. So Josh, Kelly, and I all go to Josh's house.
It was weird from the get-go because I hadn't really talked to Josh (the one who's house I'm at) in at least a year. But we're cool, and kinda pick up where we left off (we used to be like best friends). But then these two otehr guys were there that I used to hang out with ALL THE TIME when I was a little alcoholic 14 year old that hung out with druggies, so it was weird to be around them.
Anyway, there's no alcohol left at this party except beer (which I don't drink) so Josh (the one that I work with) goes and gets vodka for me and Kelly. I was feeling good and buzzed. I was downstairs talking to Laura and Josh (not the one I work with) and say something about how weird it is to be hanging out with Josh again.
BREAK: There's a story that needs to go here to put you up to speed dear reader. I dated the Josh I worked with for a while. He flirted with my sister (who is a slut that flirts with anything in her desperate attempt to fill some void in her life). It ended up being so bad that I broke up with him. Then, there was a lot of evidence to suggest it had been a lot worse than just flirting, and I got so mad.
I was so mean to Josh for a really long time. Later, I asked them both point blank if anything had happened. Josh told me that he kissed Kristy on the cheek, once. Kristy told me that he kissed her once and then she pushed him away.
Amanda told me that she had seen them making out at her house, I tried to just forget about it and say that it was a thing of the past.
Okay, so anyway, I mention how it's weird to be hanging out with Josh again, and say something like "But since it turns out he didn't fuck my sister . . ." and Laura goes "no, he just fingered her" and I went crazy.
I went upstairs and got Josh and brought him into the bathroom and said "You lied to me." and blah blah blah, he denied it for minute or so and then admitted that is what happened. So I said "I understand that you were afraid I'd never be your friend again, so you thought you had to lie", started to tear up and immediately went and drank a lot of vodka. A fourth of a gallon if you're counting.
So then it took us 45 minutes (with Josh (the one I'm severely pissed at) driving) to get the mile and a half to my house. Kelly kept making us stop so she could puke and I start crying uncontrollably in the front seat saying how the only thing I've ever asked for is honesty and no one can give it to me and lots of things.
Kelly starts yelling at Josh to fix it since it's his fault that I'm crying.
So, somehow I got into my house. Josh stayed the night (he didn't have a car here) and I spent the next three hours telling him that I wished he was never born and that I wished I was never born because I was obviously worthless to people and other such fun things.
I don't know, things are shitty, my sister's a lying bitch.
This is like the 20th time she's backstabbed me.
And if Ivan doesn't call . . . it's not worth it, is it?
OH! I left out something.
I slept all day long, all day, except for when I got up to puke, I was so sick. I was throwing up straight vodka. It was horrible, and I'm never drinking like that again. I doubt I'll ever really drink at all anymore, it was the worst experience.
Why would people that know they're going to get sick put themselves through that every weekend.
I've never been sick before so I didn't know, but damn.
Okay, that's really about it.
current mood:  crappy
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| Thursday, January 1st, 2004
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2:18 pm
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I never seem to keep new year's resolutions because you never know just how fast the year is going to go by, and it seems like there's always too many surprises to be able to make anything stable and planned.
So, I've decided to make some life goals instead, let's see:
Before I die I will:
1. Learn to swing dance
2. Finish writing a full length novel
3. Read all of Vonnegut's (published) works
4. Watch the sun rise over the ocean, and watch the sun set over the ocean
5. Go to Australia
I can't really think of anything else, but if someone else knows of something I have to do before I die, let me know, it's best to know these things as early as possible so as not to miss too many opportunities.
Now won't it suck if I die tomorrow.
current mood:  content
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12:08 pm - A new start? Nah.
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So. It's 2004. Doesn't that sound crazy? I feel really old, because I remember when a year like 2004 seemed all futuristic and such. Crazy.
I went to Emmy's last night in the traditional fashion and consumed a lot of jungle juice just as I should have. Kelly and her cousin came with me, and although it wasn't terribly exciting it was loads of fun.
I talked to Ivan on the phone at like two in the morning or something, he said he'll call me today sometime.
Other than that, not too much has been going on. I'm still not too good at driving my car, but I've been driving it to work anyway. It's those damn stoplights that kill me.
Okay, I guess that's really all I've got for you wonderful people.
I hope 2004 is a great year for everyone and that nothing unexpected and bad occurrs (HAHA).
Alright, I'm out.
current mood: calm
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| Sunday, December 28th, 2003
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10:51 pm
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Sadly, there isn't much to say even though I haven't updated in a few days. I drove my car to work tonight and didn't do too bad.
I'm sick, and it makes me angry.
I had some incidents with the trash cans at work, but it upsets me to talk about it, so we'll leave it at that.
Yep, that's about all my life consists of: a car, work, and incidents with trash cans. . . sad, sad, sad.
Umm . . . I'm really tired, and really sick, I should probably go to sleep, and not write boring things that other people don't want to read.
Our family Christmas party thing was last night, I had fun.
The uncle that sold me Satan said that he might buy it back in the spring, but I'm giving it away before then, so too bad.
Yeah, that's it.
current mood: crappy
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| Thursday, December 25th, 2003
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11:48 pm
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Christmas was okay.
I called my aunt's on the bobo side and I think that I'm going to get together with them sometime before I go back to school, that could be nice.
I can drive my car! Mostly, I drove it to Emmy's today, and I didn't kill it, so I'm impressed.
Daniel and I are getting together sometime next week.
Josh took me to the Olive Garden and it was ee-yummila!
umm . . .
nothing.
I'm tired, and my ears hurt, damn ears, damn family that insists on smoking.
More later.
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| Sunday, December 21st, 2003
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1:12 am
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Went shopping with Katherine today. Well, technically, I walked while she shopped because I'm so broke. I saw Emmy and Brenda in the mall and Brenda gave me 10 bucks and then Katherine donated to my "Michelle is in Borders with no money, isn't that sad" fund and I bought a book. (More Letters from a Nut, you should read it, very funny).
Randy proposed to my mom today and she said yes, so that's fun, but now they're going to eat at the Olive Garden (my favorite restaurant and origin of my streetball name) so I'm jealous.
Past that, I got nothing, I can't make my car move, I feel so incompetent.
current mood: calm
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| Thursday, December 18th, 2003
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12:01 pm
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I got a 4.0!!!
WHEE!
The only other thing I could possibly update about is the fact that my throat feels like I've been gargling with broken glass.
Oh well.
current mood:  cheerful
current music: Taking Back Sunday "You're So Last Summer"
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12:24 am - she turned me into a newt
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Okay, let's see, I haven't posted in forever so I ought to have something interesting to say.
Umm.... I got home from school on what? Thursday. Okay, so Thursday Trish and I departed from campus with our fish in hand for the long journey to the other side of Missouri. Both fish, I am happy to report, survived. I worked on Friday night, and haven't worked again since then. I am scheduled for Sunday, so that really sucks because I'm getting no hours, but whatever, I'll sell my soul or body whichever you think is more valuable.
So, umm, what else has happened?
Kelly and I got wasted with Josh. For those of you who don't know, which should be just about everyone, Josh is this guy that I work with that I dated for a brief and fleeting moment before he sorta started trying to hook up with my sister, and there were a lot of harsh words and such, and apparently some misunderstanding, but it's all okay now, cause I'm not trying to get with him (I'm happy with my own guy although he still hasn't called me) and I don't have any attraction there at all or anything. That was one damn long run on sentence. I better straighten that up if I'm wanting to be an upper level English teacher. Alright, so Kelly and I went to Josh's house and that was fun.
I'm buying a car. An 89 Integra. It's a 5 speed so I have to learn how to drive it, but that's okay, I'm a smart girl. I'm basically maxing out my credit card to buy it and hoping that my financial aid comes in before my payment's due. Kelly's lending me some money too cause she's awesome as hell.
I went and saw the car tonight, I couldn't drive it because I don't know how, but Chris drove it and it seems to function better than Satan On Wheels, which doesn't take too much.
I wish that my uncle would buy the damn possessed P.O.S. back, because I paid 500 for it, sank 400 into repairs and a good 200 onto gas that leaked out onto the ground. So I think that him buying it back and being glad that I fixed what I did would be warranted since he didn't tell me that all of these horrendous things were broken to begin with, but whatever.
I went to the high school today and saw some people. I really wish that some people would get out of here, this town is like a black hole that takes people's souls and drains them of anything even remotely resembling hope. Seriously, I know that sounds bleak, but you should see some of the things that are going on around here. Girls that have so much potential are dropping out over the gossip, you know that has to be pretty bad. And the fire can only get fueled that high in a small town where people care about such pettiness. . .
I think I'm going to try to sell Satan, this will be the sign I put on the window:
FOR SALE
NEEDS WORK AND EXORCIST
Make offer
I think someone will want it just for the shock value of owning a demon, don't you?
Okay, hmm, I really don't have too much else to say. I think I get to see Daniel sometime after the 26th or something, and that'll be cool, damn crazy boy.
Yep, that's everything . . . or so close you won't know the difference.
Mandi you gotta tell me this whole story, I'm dying here.
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| Friday, December 12th, 2003
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2:53 pm
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I aced Bio!! Cause I'm that damn cool.
I'm at home now, a month in the sticks. . . will I survive? Time will tell, but even if I make it through a month, what am I going to do over the summer?!! I get to go to Mass.!!! Isn't that kick ass? (It is, don't you dare say no.) I'm in a screwy mood at the moment, I woke up all happy, even though I don't have a car and I really have to get to work tomorrow, but I still have a good 24 hours to figure that out.
My kick ass 85 chrysler 5th ave started right up like it hadn't been sitting in snow and hadn't been started in 5 months, it's such a good car. The gas mileage is awful, but at least it isn't hell bent on killing me, which is a quality I greatly enjoy in a car, so I think I'll go get it liscensed (I can't spell that word, and I'm too lazy to figure it out) and say to hell with you possessed car.
Alright, that's all.
current mood:  bouncy
current music: Ani Difranco
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| Wednesday, December 10th, 2003
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2:53 pm
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Okay, if I had written yesterday, I would have been a depressed mess, so I'm glad I waited until today. I just finished my two hardest finals, and I think I did fairly well on both of them. I'm pretty sure that I'll get an A in bio, and my history is going to be right on the A/B line, so hopefully it's higher, and I'll have a 4.0 cause I'm that damn cool.
So, anyway, my car died yesterday, and I hope it blows up in the free lot . . . yes, that's right, blows up, like fire, and loud noises. To hell with it.
So this girl that lives sorta by me is going to take my home which is really nice of her because she could have left today but I still have finals tomorrow so she's going to wait for me.
I don't like men at the moment, but I'm not going to go into too much detail on that one cause you never know who may stumble into a public diary entry.
So, now I'm worried about how I'm going to get back to school after break and how I'm going to get back and forth from work, but you know what? I didn't sleep at all last night, like, literally not one minute, and so I slept three hours before my last final, and I don't feel like dealing with all these things that I don't have any control over at the moment, so I'm just not going to do it, does that sound fair enough? (If you say no, I'll hit you, over the computer, it'll be horrible)
current mood:  aggravated
current music: Oasis- Champagne Supernova
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| Monday, December 8th, 2003
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1:25 pm - Weekend update!!
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Friday- Umm, what did I do Friday? Nothing? Wow..I'm boring.
Saturday- Got stalked, was scared, ate dinner, stalked more, scared more. Got drunk (cause that's how you fix being stalked)
Sunday- Studied. Bounced back and forth between Bio and History, so now I think that Watergate is what the xylem transports through the stems of leaves in 1972.
Yeah, that's the highlights I guess. I'm going to miss all of my college people while I'm at home, but I'm going to have fun at home too, so I guess it's okay.
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| Thursday, December 4th, 2003
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12:05 am
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Hi!
I have been so sick, so I haven't been able to write, in fact, all I do is sleep, wake up, take pills, drag myself to class, sleep, wake up, take pills..etc. etc.
I'm finally starting to feel better though, but now my sleeping habits are screwed all to hell, oh well...it's finals week next week, I'm not supposed to sleep normally anyway, right?
I get to go home next Thurs. I may wait until Friday, depending on some things.
Other than that, not much to say, not a lot happens when all you do is sleep (not that much happened when I was awake all the time, but at least now I have an excuse).
current mood:  listless
current music: Jewel "Near You Always"
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| Thursday, November 27th, 2003
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12:48 pm - Happy Thanksgiving
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Hi! Since my mom works at Wal-Mart (which almost never closes) and my little brother and sister go to their dad's, I'm all alone..
But it's cool, I'm going to go to my aunt's house here in a little bit.
I worked last night. I hadn't been there for 3 months, but I think I did pretty good, I rememered almost everything. I was a little slow on the register for the first couple orders, but past that, I picked it all back up.
I bought a digital camera yesterday. It's fun.
Other than that, not too much going on.
I think my car is still leaking gas...GRR....oh well.
Bye!
current mood:  blank
current music: Blue October- Calling You
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| Monday, November 24th, 2003
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6:29 pm - this is going to be boring
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Nothing eventful has happened today...so why am I updating you may ask? Because it's the most exciting thing I can think of to do! Force you to read my mundane and tedious ramblings! HAHA!
Okay, that didn't hold near as much enjoyment as I thought it would.
I'm reading The Giver, because we have to do a project on a previously banned children's book, and I remember reading it when I was younger, and loving it, but I think banning books is really stupid.
Umm....other than that....yeah, nothing.
I get to go home tomorrow, for Thanksgiving.
It should be fun, mom said she'd make me banana bread with chocolate chips, she better not have forgotten, I'll cry.
Oh! It's really really cold, and these windows suck, so it's like 40 degrees in my room...not fun.
"Green" says hi and you don't know what that means, haha again, I'm just mean today.
Alright I'm going to stop, aren't you glad.
current mood:  cold
current music: Papas Fritas- "Say Goodbye"
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| Sunday, November 23rd, 2003
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4:03 pm - weekend update (whee)
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Friday- went to classes and such, I don't think that there was really anything exciting in any of the classes...
So then after class I came back here, went on a walk with Mona, danced around some rather awkward situations (but it's all better now), took some pictures, I know how to use my camera! (somewhat) it's exciting!
Then everyone else was going out to a party, and I didn't want to go, cause I don't do parties, so I was just reading and stuff, and then they came back cause the party was boring and I got wasted with them. So I was drinking vodka (my drink of choice) and I had hit my limit, so I stopped like a good little girl. But drunk people talk about some bad things, and the topic turned into one that would have upset me sober, but in my inebrieated state I was even more highly attuned to the emotional side. Ivan mentioned something about Dylan, and I got all "you think I'm a slut!" with him, and everyone in the room that didn't know what was going on with Ivan and I got all confused and it was just overall insanity, and I took like 4 or 5 more shots, and I was really really drunk, and then I went to sleep, and when I woke up things were better.
Saturday- Got up at like 11. Went and ate breakfast. Didn't do too much. Ivan took my car to a party, came back at like 3, we at at McDonald's went to sleep and such.
Sunday (today!)- Cleaned my room, did all of my stupid LIS-1600 assignment because NO ONE else in my group would help. (I'm pissed, cause I did almost everything on the last group assignment too). Wrote two papers for Valuing Differences, and now I'm updating this journal...fun fun..
Oh, side note, on Saturday Shannon IMed me and was like, if you can be here by four, you can go to Tulsa with me to see Bowling for Soup, I was so tempted, but it was such short notice and I don't really know how to get to where she lives, and it's two hours away.
Other than that, there's really not a lot.
My mom bought a microwave cause ours broke and I was going to get her one for Christmas, so now I don't know what to get her....
Oh well.
current mood:  complacent
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| Thursday, November 20th, 2003
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7:54 pm
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Tonight was the last night at work, I won a phone for having the most first time donors tonight, but I already have a phone, so I guess I'll give it to someone.
I get to work at DQ some next week, I'm so excited! Real money! Real hours! It's great fun. I'm so broke.
Other than that, not much is going on in my life. I got a B on the bio test that I was afraid I'd flunk because it was on the same day that I decided to switch my major and I wasn't feeling very "biology-ish". So, umm, yeah, that's really all that's going on in my life...sad huh?
current mood: content
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12:12 am
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So..umm..Ivan took me to drop the car off and then today to pick it up, and IT WORKS! YAY! I put gas in it and it stayed in it, and the gauge worked and I'm just in awe.
Other than that...I got nothing.
Tomorrow's my last night at work, and pay day.
Umm..I'm tired.
Algebra test first thing in the morning.
That's all.
current mood:  sleepy
current music: Finch- "Without You Here"
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| Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
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3:52 pm - I don't have to blow up anymore!
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Just got an estimate on a new gas tank: 145!! Hell yeah! That's like, the cost of two trips home at the moment, so I'm really going to save a lot in the long run....assuming the transmission doesn't go out now, but you know, what are you going to do?
Now I just have to find someone to follow me to the place so that I can get back in time to go to work..and no one's here.....
Oh well! No more blowing up!!!
current mood: happy
current music: Barenaked Ladies "Call and Answer"
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| Monday, November 17th, 2003
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11:45 pm
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I was eating animal crackers, but I'm down to the last of them, so while I'm reaching into the bag I'm just pulling out little colored legs and heads..it was really disturbing.
I just thought I'd share that.
So, yeah, I guess that's really the only interesting thought I've had in a while. To hell with college algebra.
Someone go see Bowling for Soup and tell me how awesome they are since I can't go.
current mood: calm
current music: Eminem- "Still Don't Give a Fuck"
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