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Tuesday, May 4th, 2004
10:25 am - Finals
So, mom's coming to get my stuff tomorrow and then Thursday night I'm leaving. It's sad really, but I'll be managing at DQ and I have some fun plans (Texas, swimming, partying, working, Six Flags . . .) It's finals week, and I"ll be leaving here shortly to turn in my last Creative Writing paper and then go take a final in Brit. Lit. (The one that I requested the essay on that turned heads and such.)
There really isn't too much going on. My dorm room is a mess and it has to be clean soon. I started packing, but it didn't really help in making it look any cleaner, in fact it probably did the opposite.
I don't have a broom, and this has got to be the dustiest city in Missouri. Seriously, there are dustballs the size of cats in every corner.
Well, I suppose I better get going and do this final stuff.

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Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
5:40 pm - "I see you twist and turn you look so stupid happy in love"
people actually buy these. .

So, let's see . . . I aced my Brit. Lit. test and then raised my hand when asked who wanted an exam with an optional essay instead of an entirely objective exam. The teacher looked at me like I was crazy (apparently he doesn't get many people taking him up on this offer), but all of the tests that I've taken so far (all both of them) it's been the essays that have gotten me A's. So I don't want to chance doing bad on the final . . .

Umm, what else is new?
Kelly's going to be here tonight. She's visiting the campus tomorrow. So it'll be good to see her . .

I don't really know what else to say although I'm sure there's something. . .

current mood: content

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Monday, April 19th, 2004
5:05 pm - "Are you feeling the feeling that I'm feeling?"
G. Love is awesome!
The Blue note is a really great venue. I'd never been there before, but it was a really fun concert and a great environment.
There's a CD coming out in August. Buy it.
Umm, other than that . . .
Nikki and I almost hit a deer on the way to Columbia . . . on 70, it was very scary. The van behind us smashed it, and there was deer flying everywhere. . . sad really.
School's almost over (two tears).
I think I have all A's
Brit. Lit. test tomorrow . . . grumble.
That's it.
More later.

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Tuesday, April 13th, 2004
1:16 pm - I feel like rambling
Waking up didn't always used to be so difficult.
Once there was vigor that told me to embrace the day like it held my destiny and I would toss the blankets aside and run from the room with open arms.
Now the reactions are sluggish at best, and the time it takes to disentagle myself from the warmth of a comforter is becoming longer and longer.
Perhaps it's because I know that there's less and less to look forward for outside of the refuge of a blanket and a mattress, even if the mattress is an uncomfortable one that's been slept on by too many college kids in years gone by.
I know that once I leave my bed to step barefoot on cold tile floors, I don't have the chance to dream an endless dream any longer.
Here I must be the one to make a difference and I can't hope that the recesses of my mind hold the answer to all of the problems and the weapons for every adversary.
Here it is me, and only me, that makes the day what it is.
No, I'm not ignoring the outside forces, good or bad, or the other people around me, but surely it is my sole responsibility to make my life worthwhile, I can't expect your time.
So here I am, and I'll embrace this day with tired arms, and I know that you notice the difference.
Maybe tonight I'll dream again, and maybe then I'll have an answer.

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Monday, April 12th, 2004
8:30 am
this'll be a short entry because I have to go to psychology soon.
I skipped my first class ever on Friday. I didn't go to French. It's just so boring; we don't really learn that much. I feel bad for the instructor because he's a really nice guy, but he's a G.A. and I don't think that he really has the whole teaching thing down.
It would be like me going to France and saying "I'm going to teach you English now." Not a good thing.

So anyway, what else is going on?
This weekend was very uneventful because there was no one on the whole floor left because everyone went home for Easter.
It was just me and three other people, but we entertained ourselves by watching movies and playing DDR in the lounge. A cop and his drug dog were so bored they hung around and watched.
They closed most of the dining halls, so we had to go all the way across campus to eat, and that was a bitch.

Hmm, what else . . .
The teachers all seem to be loading us up with tests, and finals are only three weeks away. That's so sad, I don't want to leave!

I'm going to see G. Love in Columbia on Sunday. I'm really excited.
Yeah, I don't think there's anything else to write about.

current mood: blah

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Thursday, April 8th, 2004
4:13 pm
So, apparently the computer ate my last update, and it was BRILLIANT . . okay, so it was really just as boring as all the rest, but I still wish the computer hadn't destroyed it.
So, let's see, I played Ultimate Frisbee for the first time ever today, it was actually really fun. Apparently there was a team here on campus, but they kind of destroyed a field or something, I don't know.
Anyway, there really isn't that much going on.
I got an OA job for next semester, I'm excited about that.
Umm . . . yeah, not much else.
Oh! My DDR game came in the mail today, I really suck at it, but it's fun.
And I won the Easter Egg hunt last night, despite the attempts of crazy fifth graders and insane college kids fighting each other for the eggs, I found the GOLDEN EGG and got a bunny in a balloon. Great fun.
Umm, finals are coming up, that's making me a little nervous.
I don't want to leave, there's only a month of school left :(
Alright, that's enough for now. Bye!

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Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004
3:35 pm
I should update, so I'll try.
There's nothing interesting to write about though.
I'm back at school, my car still isn't fixed. I worked a lot over break. I'm going to work a lot more over the summer.
Umm, I hope Kelly can come visit me soon.
There's only a little over a month left of school :(
I'm sad about that.
Umm. . . .yeah, I don't have much else.
Class, work out, work, sleep, eat, in some order or another is about how all my days have gone.
And by all I mean the two I've been back.

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Saturday, March 13th, 2004
11:43 pm - So, another interesting story . . .
So, I'm on Spring break now, so I'm back at home (can't you just sense my enthusiasm?). The trip here, however, was QUITE eventful.
Michelle's lesson of the day: IF SOMEONE IS SITTING IN A DITCH ON THE SIDE OF 70, DO NOT HONK AT THEM!!! Not only does honking do NOTHING to make the broken car work again, it makes the two girls sitting in the ditch to avoid the huge trucks that are hurdling past at tremendous speeds very pissed off.
So here's the story. Tracy needed a ride home, so I picked her up at her sorority house, which was a story all in itself because I was quite rusty at driving my car and killed it several times. So we make it to 70 eventually, and my check engine light comes on, but cars do that sometime so I didn't think much of it. However I did decide to check my gauges and notice that it's overheating quite a bit, so we plan to try to make it to the next exit, but that didn't work out. We ended up two miles before Stuckey's Dairy Queen (which by the way is the only sign of inhabitation in the whole town) and I called Ivan (such a good boyfriend he is). We sat on a gravel road in a ditch for two hours, waiting for him.
Since he was headed to St. Louis anyway, he picked us up, and then he took us to the DQ, where we called a tow truck, then we had some difficulties getting back to the car (don't ask why it was difficult, just take my word for it) the towtruck comes, it takes my car to Lord only knows where, I guess I'll call them later.
We then head off.
I left school at 12:30, I got home at 7:30, I live 3 hours away. You do the math.
Yeah, so now I don't have a car here, and I gotta get to work.
But I'll figure it out.

Alright, that's it, I'm going to hang out with Mia and Amanda (who said that I should say she's the most beautiful girl in the world, but she's just trying to over-compensate for not having her own sorority).

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Thursday, March 11th, 2004
8:19 am - Damn . . . it's been a long morning.
So, it's only 8:19 as I write this, and I feel like I've been up for at least a day. Room sign-ups were a bitch! I got up at a quarter to 6 to wake up other people so we could go wait in line. I was going to share a suite with Nikki and Laura, but there weren't any suites together by the time I got there. I did manage to get a single room on the floor that most of the people from my floor are on, but if we had been 10 minutes later getting in line, I don't think that I would have.
So, now I feel like I've done a full day's work, but I haven't even started. I'm going to go back to sleep until 10:15 or so and then go to class at 11.
That's the plan, so good night.

current mood: tired

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Monday, March 8th, 2004
7:57 am - A Productive Day
So, it's 8am and I've already accomplished quite a bit, and I'm pretty proud of myself.
I got up at 6 to go work out in the fitness center, but then found out it didn't open until 6:30 so I walked around for 15 minutes, then went and stair-stepped for 20, lifted some weights.
I came back and took a shower, went to sign up for classes (today is the first day you can do that) and found out that they switched the time on one of the classes I was going to take, so I am taking a 4000 (read: hard) class in it's place . . . I also have THREE evening classes (Ad. Poetry Writing on Tuesday and Thursday from 6-7:15 and then this Peer Tutoring class either on Monday or Wednesday (we have to get together and decide). So that kinda sucks because I won't be able to do the phone-a-thon job since it's a night job. So I'll have to find something else for next semester. On an up note, I'll be done by noon until the evening classes, so I'm sure I'll be able to fit in some work-study hours in between there. After I finish that peer tutoring class, I'll be able to work in the writing center for 7.90 an hour, and that'll be awesome.
Hmm, what else did I do, oh, so I fixed my schedule, and now I'm all enrolled and such, then I grabbed my huge anthology of British Literature and went down to breakfast with the intent of finishing some Tennyson. (That rhymes kinda cool).
So, there were some people at breakfast, so I talked instead, didn't finish the poem, but I did start it, and now I'm back here typing this.
All in all, it's been a productive two hours.
Now I'm going to get ready to go to psych. I would go sleep for half an hour, but I'm pumped from the exercising, so I'll play word games instead.


current mood: productive

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Thursday, March 4th, 2004
2:04 pm
96 on my Brit. Lit. test.

I'm smiling.

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Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
9:14 pm - I decided to write to YOU . . .
yes, you. Don't let those other people try to tell you that it's for someone else.

Anyway, my week of hell is almost over (even though it's only tuesday, the hell part ends wednesday). So, I'm not going to ramble and bitch about the tests that I've taken (pray for my Brit. Lit. test to be graded with niceness and love (HAHA) the tests that I'll take (it's a final, but I think it'll be easy) or the homework I'm avoiding (there's books all over my floor, you should see it) instead of any of those things, I'm going to tell you about, hmm, let's see . . .
I'm entering a contest for a 500 dollar scholarship. I'm entering 3 poems, and hopefully one of them doesn't suck, but I highly doubt I'll win anything because we have some insanely talented undergrad. creative writing people here, and I"m a lowly freshman, not really looking to win, but I might as well try.
Other than that . . . what? Nothing really, I lead a boring life.
I stepped on my glasses.
I think that I need to take more pictures with my digital camera so that it gets some use, and so that I can maybe make this journal of mine a bit more interesting.
I'll look into this . . .

current mood: content

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Thursday, February 26th, 2004
3:10 pm - i am not dead
however, I am insanely busy. It seems I'm never in my room for over 20 minutes at a stretch, unless I'm sleeping, and lately, that's not even a given.
Sigh, school is hard sometimes.
Not so much the classes themselves, just how many there are all at the same time.
Forecast of Michelle's week
today is:Thursday and I still have to: eat dinner, work, take a shower, study for a psych. test
Friday: psych. test, French, go see that Passion movie and probably bawl my eyes out in the theater cause apparently that's what it makes you do.
Saturday: write a paper over Thomas Hardy's use of poetry to show his feelings on the differences between country and city ideals . . whee. Get drunk? No, I've vowed to stop drinking so damn much (it's been almost two weeks! go me!)
Sunday: studay for Brit. Lit. and Lifetime fitness tests, sleep some
Monday: Liftetime Fitness test, I'm not sweating this one too bad (and that wasn't even supposed to be a pun) and paper due
Tuedsday: Brit. Lit. Test (someone hold me)
Wednesday: Orientation Final and paper due

alright, that's enough, I have a headache now

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Thursday, February 5th, 2004
11:50 pm
Sometimes, things just seem to fall into place like the cliche line of pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. However, there's those other times, and I think that my pieces are like those that have been left in the rain, warped, yet still recognizable. Once, they fit together, but now they have to be pushed and prodded, bent, abused.
Now the pieces will never make the beautiful picture.
Does this make them less worthy of the challenge? Knowing that in the end, there won't be something worth a frame, but a mess that you have to squint to understand?
I don't know, but what good are the pieces if you just leave them in the rain.
I had to go out and gather them up, soggy, little cardboard corners curled and aching.
I had to find them all, in puddles, between cat paws.
I had to dry them with the heat of healing. I had to lay them out and examine the damage.
The, it was time to construct. Is there a picture forming?
Is it the one that was originally intended?
I'll let you be the judge.

This is my life, and no matter how you judge the choices that I make, and the places that I go, I know that I'll wake up each morning knowing that the day before was lived to the best of my abilities. And I'll know that the hours ahead, whether filled with tears or laughter, boredom or pain, will always make me better, stronger, more than I was the hour before.
I know that for everytime I make your head spin, I make my own spin twice.
I know that for everytime I shock you, I amaze myself.
I know that for everytime you smile, I laugh.
And everytime you hurt, I die.

You'll never replace me, you'll never "complete" me, you can only become something that adds a moment to my life, something that makes me feel more useful, more of the person that I want to become.
The puzzle doesn't have a certain number of pieces anymore, since there is no picture I'm trying to build.
I can distort, and that's where you fit in (all of you) I can piece you in anywhere that I want, and the picture loses nothing, but does it gain?

Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to.
Don't follow me if you see a better path.
And don't take me with you, I won't stay.
I am here for a brief and fleeting moment, and if you want to track my steps, I'll leave them deep for you, but know I never asked for this, know I never needed this, know that no matter how many days you trace my footprints, I'll always stay a step ahead.

current mood: artistic
current music: Korn

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Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004
10:08 am - Beware, I'm in one of those rambling moods . . .
. . . but it probably won't be that bad since I have to go to Brit. Lit. pretty soon. I read so much of Don Juan (pronounced Joo-wan, cause Byron can do that, don't question it) that my head was spinning. Seriously, I can understand how the concepts behind these things are supposed to be interesting, and that it takes talent to rhyme lines and make them make sense, but seriously, does anyone need a poem that long . . . ever?
Anyway, I only have two classes today, and that's good, because yesterday was hella-hectic and I didn't like it. I think that we're doing some kind of fitness assessment in lifetime fitness, I hope they don't tell me I'm a weakling.
I haven't really gotten to see too many people for the past few days, I don't want people to think that I'm being all reclusive in my room, I just don't feel well at all, and it's so convinent to just stay in here.
I'm going to have to venture out at some point tonight though, laundry selection is getting very slim. I'm going home in two weeks, and I know my remaining clothes won't last that long.
Umm, what else?? Nothing, well, I'll just make some stuff up then. Well, not make up as in lie about things that didn't happen (Cause lying is BAD GRRR!!!) but make some stuff up as in ramble about things that are in my head that you, dear reader, want to know nothing about, sound like fun?
Okay, so my phone needs to be charged, because it's turned itself off, but for some reason, Ivan has my phone charger, I should try to fix this problem . . . but I'm sure he's asleep. There's a voice message from Josh (the good one) and I haven't heard it yet. I hope Laura didn't break his heart, poor guy.
OOH, I'm going to go email Kelly, not that you're not important, but be honest, you're bored to death anyway.

current music: Coldplay- The Scientist

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Monday, February 2nd, 2004
7:15 am - Update, update . . .
Okay, so I know I haven't written in forever, but I still don't have anything eventful to say.
My lung hurts. I think I'm getting sick, and the weather is shitty, but I can't afford a doctor, so we're going to ignore it, alright?

Umm, I can't write long cause I want to go to breakfast before my 8:00 (Orientation for the Major). I can't write long because I have nothing to say.

This is what I did this weekend.

Friday- went to classes and all that jazz, then went to the mentalist on campus with some people from my floor, was genuinely freaked out, and that's saying quite a bit because I went there pretty damn skeptical.
Came back here, drank some stuff, went to bed.

Saturday- Got up. Yeah, I think that might be it.

Sunday- Got up again. Did a lot of homework. Ate at Pizza Hut. Slept some more. Coughed a lot. Watched the Super Bowl, (I love BOSTON!) Ivan still speaks to me.

Wow, I lead a really boring life, but for some reason, it doesn't seem as boring while I'm living it.

current mood: blank

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Friday, January 23rd, 2004
8:27 am
There's people (well, probably just a person) in my shower, so I can't quite get ready for class yet. So, I don't have anything to do and I am quite bored.
I went to talk to my Brit. Lit. instructor yesterday and asked him where the class was heading because if it wasn't heading in an easier direction, I was going to drop. He was actually really nice to me. I think I'm going to try to stay in it. I hope I can get a B.
So, umm, there's really nothing much going on in my life. For the most part, however, things are going rather well, which would normally worry me, because I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I'm not even worried, maybe that should worry me . . . (ow, now my head hurts.)
This week flew by, and my arms hurt from working out. (I know those two thoughts were in the same sentence, so they should logically have some connection, but stop trying, they don't.)

"I wish I could sleep
but I can't lay on my back
because there's a knife
for everyday I've known you."

Alright, I don't really like Marilyn Manson as a person, I think that the image he tries to project is just disturbing, but he has some really amazing lyrics. The above passage is an example of that, and I think that it really explains a lot of the way I feel about certain people at the moment. (See a few entries ago, hint: it involved vodka)

So, I suppose that's enough rambling for now.
I'm going away. Don't cry.

current mood: sore

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Monday, January 19th, 2004
1:08 pm - weekend update
Friday- Went out to a pre-party party with Ivan, then to a party, danced horribly, drank a few beers (horrible stuff) to attempt to dance less horribly, but it really didn't help. Had fun.

Saturday- went to Independence with Ivan and got an awesome sweater at Hot Topic for 8 dollars, I was very proud. Umm, I don't know what else I did Saturday, watched movies maybe?

Sunday- Watched movies. Drank a bit. Slept a little.

Monday- So far, nothing, I had lunch and talked to Justin and Mandi for a while, that's been about it.
No classes and all, so that's cool.

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Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
7:17 pm - An Update for YOU!
Okay, so here's what I've been doing.
First off, I'm going crazy and I kinda just stopped sleeping, so that's not too cool. I don't know what's sparked this latest bout of insomnia because usually I'm sad or something, but I'm not sad now, so who the hell knows?
I still haven't gotten my scholarship money, so I had to buy books with my own money and I guess I'll just wait for it to come through and then take that money to put back in my account so I can pay for my car.
I LOVE (hardcore love) my creative writing class. I was in there today and I just want to stay forever.
Here's my schedule for you people that are interested:
Monday- 8-9 Orientation for the English major (I don't think I'm going to like this one folks, the teacher doesn't seem to be quite on the same wavelength as I am), 9-10 Psych. (Teacher seems cool, class seems interesting, sounds good to me) 11-12 French I (This teacher is so funny, and the class is going to be tres facile) 2-3 Lifetime Fitness (I get to use the good gym now!) and 3-4:15 Creative Writing
Tuesday- 11-12 Brit. Lit. (The teacher seems a bit dry, but a nice guy nonetheless, may be challenging) 2-3 Lifetime fitness lab
Wednesday- SEE MONDAY
Friday- Just Psych. and French

So, you can see that Mondays and Wednesdays are a bit packed. I stressed a bit, but I'm getting through, it'll work out.
I have so many English classes, there's so many books I can't tell which ones go with which classes.
I worked out today at the gym that I can use since I'm in Lifetime Fitness, treadmills and ellipticals kick ass (literally).
So now I'm hoping to lose a couple sizes and tone up my stomach a bit, fun stuff.
Um, other than that, not too much going on, so I think I'm going to stop writing now.

current mood: exhausted
current music: Taking Back Sunday- "Timberwolves at New Jersey"

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Sunday, January 11th, 2004
10:31 am
I'm back at school! I'm so glad I'm not in Lincoln County anymore. I love all my friends there and I'm glad I got to spend time with them, but next time you should all come here, it'd be a lot better.
Brooks and Amber's wedding was beautiful, I had a lot of fun.
Chris, Amanda, and I got here around 4:30 this morning, so I haven't had much sleep and thus far I haven't seen anyone else on my floor. I don't know if lots of people still aren't back or if everyone is still asleep or what.
It sucks that the dining hall is closed, and I don't want to walk across campus to go to the other one, it's cold.
Oh well.
More later.

current mood: tired

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