real smart..   
05:44am 31/01/2004
mood: restless
Unbelieveable...ONCE AGAIN!.............grrrrrrr...
12:31am 29/01/2004
  my head is so clouded with tons of stuff right now and it feels like a big water balloon that's about to explode. didn't even try to study for mid-terms again. i'm really not the studying kind of person. it doesn't even really do much of nething for me anyways. i told myself i'd get to bed ontime tonite this time for sure but once again it's 12:30. i've done absolutely nothing exciting since i got home except slept for a lil. i hope mid-terms go better for me tomorrow. sux though that im gonna have to stay longer prolly to finish ones i haven't. i really wish it would snow so i could have at least one day off from school this week! im going totally insane!!!!! sucks sucks sucks. i can't wait til mid-terms and this semester is fucking over!!!!

You are: Night. Your dark and mysterious. Maybe
even slightly spooky. Either your
sad/depressed, or just have a dark sense of
humor. People dont tend to understand you, so
you hide away. But dont worry, if things are
really bad now, they can only get better.

What time of day are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You don't really understand what a geek actaully
is. Well, I feel for ya. You shouldn't have
taken this quiz though. Go, and don't come

Would you go out with a GEEK?!
brought to you by Quizilla

^Haha lmao! i just got really bored and am in mood for taken quizzes and i passed by this one being a bit curious.
feeling down....   
09:45pm 26/01/2004
mood: aggravated
music: Marilyn Manson~"This is The New Shit''
I'm not even sure why im even bothering to make an entry in this. Hmm... today wasn't as stressful as i thought it'd be, but hell i had wayy too much shit on my mind. In fact, i still do!!! But really when don't I have a lot on my mind??? Nope can't think of a time. I'm trying to get myself to focus on doing make up work that i owe for Lit, but that isn't going over that well. Armageddon is on and im kinda watchin it, well listening anyways. I like this movie. Man, do i feel like im going to hurl. :( ............. I'm really concerned about shit that is going on with a few of my friends, mid-terms and grades close this week, this past weekend well...let's not even talk about that one, im pissed at myself about shit, pissed at other ppl, and well i'm not so sure i feel like listing any other wonderful topics. I wasn't going to write about my weekend but here goes.... It pretty much started Saturday at work. I had tons of shit on my mind as usual and well things seemed to be goin ok but people had to start fuckin' pissin' me off!!! The day had been gettin' tough and then it just had to get even more splendid with people being fucked up!!! i made one mistake w/the drawer..which really sucked..i simply forgot about doing something, which i feel horrible about, but in the end it didn't end up being that big of a deal. Ok, i can definitely take a joke, but damn some ppl can really take things too far..yup! Steve was already teasin' me about lil things and i know he was only kidding, cuz that's the way Steve is, but this sit was not kewl for him to approach the way he did. When he came for my pick up i explained to him about this guy that paid for most of his order with three rolls of quarters..supposed to $30.00. Eric came over and then shit blew up in my face. OTHER people were being so damn kind at the same fucking time, oh yes, how wonderful this was. Steve made a really big deal about the sit that happend and while i was still working..and Eric got real happy about it too. Steve walked by and got me all worried and when i got off it was made joke of basically. this isn't the whole thing, but i went to the office and talked to them and they said that everythings fine blah blah blah. Eric talked to me cuz he found out it was bothering me..yadda yadda yadda..It was just one fucked up assinine thing to do over and accidental not that big of a deal sit. during and before that, like i said some other ppl were being pleasant..and also i heard shit from someone that made things so much better.. blah blah blah. enough of that. Sunday i had work 9-1 and things were going somewhat better until about 12:00pm ish. a lil after work i went to the mall..and oh sure enough did things get worse. I had to see my ex there...... :( URGH!!!! how fucking pleasant! Damn.............. not only see, but run into, i saw him n' Tony there. It was just great, oh yaaa. Something he said bout 2 ppl fucking pissed me off and it still bothers me..i mean it wasn't so bad and he was prolly kidding about onea them, considering it is him, but still, only i can say that stuff. Nothing said was really assinine but still. and oh of course did i mention that yesterday was the fucking 25th!!!!.........urrr... :( im feelin' the anger risin' again..yeppee howdy dudee kids! Whatever..last weekend sucked ass! I'm done, if i write any more im going to get even more pissed. I'm out.

Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)

What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla
11:43pm 21/01/2004
mood: stressed
music: The Kinks-Lola
I'm not even sure what there is for me to say. I mean things are so fucked...I just don't know anymore.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The EMPTYNESS is growing stronger n' stronger............

I've got to somehow fix what i'm capable of, which hasn't been going over well at all.

As far as everything else goes, I just don't know.........
     Read 1 - Post
03:34pm 15/01/2004
mood: sleepy
just got home from schoo not too long ago and im a lil bored here. but yeah there's NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!! WAHOOOOOOO!!! :) hehe.. yeah im definitely happy about that one. Something about the temperature being wayy too cold and how the temp is fucked up in our building. Every other school pretty much has it off too. i need to schedule tanning for myself and do some major work ASAP!!!!! also gotta go clean up the kitchen shortly..woo what fun is that? now come splendid. Yeah so umm..Christmas vaca was pretty good. I mean i didn't get to do everything/as much as i wanted/needed to do..but hey it was aiight. I chilled w/ppls, worked, went shopping!!, spent some time w/fam, and some other junks like that. Hmmmm...losing train of thought..yeppeeeeee. Um um um um...let's see. i got's some cool stuffs. X-BOX and a DvD/VHS playa are two things i got that i really wanted, which is awsome! i do gotta share x-box w/my bro, kinda like a sharin w/fam type thing..but ohwell i'll be the one playin it the most usually, anways. I did want a puppy but sadly didn't get one. It's okay though. I mean hopefully we will be gettin one at some point. the parentals do talk about it once in awhile. I know that it definitely WON'T be the same as having Snuggles though!!!! No animal could ever take her place!!! I miss her soo much!!!!!! I definitely had her on my mind on Christmas that's for sure... :(
Anyways, I did get some other cool stuffs too but im not gonna sit here and talk about everything i got. Gifts don't rly matter to me. It's really about being with people you care about and seeing them happy. I know it must sound lame, but i don't care. I'm serious. Just seeing them smile and having a good time is the real thing. I mean sure getting awsome stuff is always nice too. But whatever, point made. I am so incredibly bored..dodah doodah... i needs to figure out wuts i'm doing tonight.Hmmmmmm....
Life Sucks!   
12:41am 14/01/2004
mood: depressed
music: 3 Doors Down~"When I'm Gone"
should definitely be sleeping right now, yes i know, but's some more poetry by me..~

You wouldn't know it~

You wouldn't know it,
but I still love you.
Perhaps more than before,
and yes, more than you know.
Even so, what would that matter to you?
You've gone away without a trace
and left me here all alone
with no one to turn to, and all this shit to face.
It seems i've become invisible to you,
as if I don't or ever have meant anything to you.
Just what the Hell am I supposed to do?
All these lonely nights staring off into space.
Thinking about you and the many other disgraces.
Once again, i know it's true...
I'll cry myself to sleep,
thinking about you...


True feelings trapped inside
can't come out.
They're locked deep within
for way too long.
No one has a clue.
and no one even cares.
Blue skies turned to black.
All sunshine turned to dust.
What once was,
is no more.

Worth It?~

There was a point in time when I truly thought that getting close to people was worth it.
But not anymore.
Tired of crying myself to sleep pretty much every night.
Too much pain.
Too much's gone.
I'm through.
Nothing good ever stays.
Hardly any good ever comes.
n' whenever it does it's not for long.
Think to yourself...
Is any of it really worth it?
To be happy for just a short while,
then get hurt in the end?
To hurt...again and again and AGAIN?!?!?
You'll feel like everything's goin' great and nothin could be better.
and then sooner or later...
All your happiness and dreams get torn apart.
And your left there all alone,
in this cruel cruel world,
once again.
Just think about it.
Don't want to be here   
12:16am 14/01/2004
mood: Empty
music: Evanescence "Whisper"
Don't Want To Be Here~

Don't want to be here.
Need to run.
Need to hide.
Need to find a way to escape,
and leave this retched world behind.
No one loves me
No one cares
Got no true friends anymore
so why give a damn?!?!?
Don't have a clue why they've left.
Haven't done a thing wrong as far as i can think back.
Could somewhat be my fault, of course, as i've hidden myself from many.
I don't know.
I'm so lost with what to do.
Thoughts of many different things circle over n' over liike a merry go' round,
driving me crazy.
All hell's broke loose.
My love is gone.
What more can I say?
Falling apart more and more each day.
My doggy's gone forever.
I want her back.
I miss her soo much.
I know she's not suffering,
but things just aren't the same.
Too many people I care about have disappeared
or are fading away.
I'm stuck in a hole, and can't seem to escape.
Too much else has gone wrong.
Gotta fix things.
Gotta find myself.
Things keep changing but for the worst.
Must make them better before i'm....DONE!
Don't want to be here.
Need to run.
Need to hide.
Need to find a way to escape,
and leave this retched world behind.
~By Me~ 12/23/03

^just made a few fixtures on this tonite..
05:23pm 24/12/2003
mood: crushed
I can't even begin to explain how much i'm hurting right now. there's so much on my mind and too much that i haven't gotten to accomplish for Christmas..which is tomorrow. I miss Snuggles like crazy!..i want her back!!! :'( i know that she's not in pain anymore..but things just aren't the same. I didn't get any of my Christmas shopping done..and other shit too. I can't fucking believe this. I don't even see what fucking matters anymore if i don't even have gifts for my own family to give to them tomorrow. I know that Christmas isn't all about presents, and they both kept telling me that too, but it's just not going to be Christmas to me if i don't have anything for them, they're not even done they're shopping yet. I have no will to do any baking, or finish decorating or any fun shit like that.It's also supposed to rain tomorrow. this is gonna be one fuckin' wonderful Christmas, i can just fuckin' see it now. They told me we can go after Christmas...but hello like i said NOT THE SAME! i hate everything. Bah humbug!! :'(

somebody just fucking kill me now!
     Read 2 - Post
Taking Over Me.......   
05:34pm 21/12/2003
mood: blank
Evanesence~Taking Over Me

you don't remember me but i remember you
~*i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
but who can decide what they dream?
and dream i do...

i believe in you
*i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me**

have you forgotten all i know
and all we had?
you saw me mourning my love for you
and touched my hand
i knew you loved me then

i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me

i look in the mirror and see your face
if i look deep enough
so many things inside that are just like you are taking over

**i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me** ~Dedicated
Jingle BeLLs   
04:12pm 19/12/2003
mood: okay
music: Baby Beesh & Frankie J~"Sugar Sugar" seems like i haven't written in this thing in like forevers. I'm juss getting over the flu. I've been sick all week with Phenmonia and the Flu. Icky shit. I missed work both sat and sun last weekend..not good..cuz i need all the x-mas $$ i can get. Ohwell, i should be fine. Except knowing me i tend to overshop whenever i get the chance to that is..thehehe. I haven't done any of my X-MAS shopping and its like 6 days before Christmas!!!!!!!! I've gots some definate catching up to do on my schoolwork. Yikes! I feel like i'm going to pass out and i've got work in an hour and a half. I should prolly take the night off like my parents have suggested, considering the fact that i'm still not all better, but come on it's me. I'm going to make the stubborn choice and go into work. Tomorrow we're going to get our Christmas tree. hehe. We were going to do that last weekend but my family put it off, because i was so sick. I think that was rly nice of them to do that, cuz now i can go with them, but i wonder if we'll be able to get a good tree now. A part of me wants to get *him* something for Christmas, even though he doesn't deserve it.....and sadly, i already know the answer of wether or not to. Damnit!! i just can't fucking believe i'm doing this to myself! I need to STOP!!!!!!! ooo do i wish i could just drop all the horrible shit that's gone on for far too long, make it all better, and GO THE FUCK ON with EVERYTHING!!!!!!! My feelings are so fucking CONFUZZING!!!!!! i hate it! Must take more time for sorting. lol. I have this awsome idea of something i want to do for my family for Christmas, but i'm not sure I even have enough time to pull it off. okay im losing interest with what i'm writing about soo faalalalala...HOHOHOHOOOO!

.....I really want to do some stuff to help the less fortune for the Holidays..but i'm not sure what. I mean i brought in a few items for the Holiday food drive, but to me that just doesn't seem enough. Hmmmm?!?!??

DEVIL! You like doing naughty things and would more
like to shag your partner than go for a simple
drink with your friends!

Angel or Devil?
brought to you by Quizilla

^Haha..interesstin results..

~*I don't want a lot for X-MAS....
there is juss ONE thing i NeeD!*~DEDICATED!
Fuck it..   
07:38pm 07/12/2003
mood: lonely
music: The Offspring "Gone Away"
Fuck it..i want to write in here bout my birfday..but right now i don't even give a fuck. No matter what i do the pain always takes over..... :( *tears******

I hate what i've done.
I've secluded myself from almost everyone.
It's all my fault I tell myself.
Oh wait, no... NO its NOT.
it's theirs.
But hey it's okay
they're all too busy with their own lives
two give two shits
about me anymore.
I'll hide myself away
and soon i'll completely fade
to nothing.
The emptyness has taken over once AGAIN.
But hey it's ok
No one seems to care
They're all too busy
with their own lives
to give two shits
about me anymore.
as i keep fading away
to nothing.
By the time someone hears me
it'll be too late
i'll be gone to this nothingness.

     Read 3 - Post
09:14pm 03/12/2003
mood: worried
*cough* cough* cough COUGHHHHHH!* As it gets closer to Friday i am continuing to stress more and much so to the point where i may just have a panic attack!!! Tryouts for Bball Cheerleading are Friday afternoon..and well, i am reeeeally nervous. This is mainly because I'm concerned about how much i'll be able to do and how well my scores will be. When i say im concerned about how much i can do i mean i can't do jumping, flying, running, or much gymnastics..because of my foot! I'm not aloud to do jumping or flying til the 15nth the Dr. said. My foot is still healing and hurts alot even when i try moving it around gently. it BLOWS! I really hope that the judges will takke my injury into consideration, because doing Cheering really means A LOT to me!!! It's really fun and i need something for myself..aside from school and work. and i hardly have time to have any fun like chilling with people. This is something that i really want to do and i sooo hope that it'll work out for me!!! well enough for now because i feel like shit *cough cough cough cough************ I will write bout my bday and junks lata..too lazy! Zzzzzzzzzz...i should get's some tonite, afterall the past two nites i barely slept cuz i was up talking to someone on the phone for hours! Hmmmmmmmm...i wonder who that could be??? JON! *cough cough*
     Read 1 - Post
Crash and Burn   
01:25am 25/11/2003
mood: sleepy
music: Salt n' Pepa-"Push It"
"Crash and Burn "-Savage Garden

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it's back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't talk anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash and burn
You're not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash and burn
You're not alone
Because there has always been heartache and pain
and when its over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again
When you feel all alone
And when the world has turned it's back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash and burn
You're not alone
12:40am 25/11/2003
mood: lonely
music: Savage Garden-"Crash and Burn"
another shitty day today, well i should say yesterday cuz its basically Tuesday already. Yepp, another night stayin' up late. Sleeping at night is nearly impossible for me, and has been for some time now. I've a nocturnal person, or wutever you wanna call it. my time is night and sleep is during the day. Unfortunately that is not the way the school year, and everyday world works so it fucks up my sleep even more. My sleeping habits are horrible. Staying up night thinking about all the shit i'm going through and how magnificent life is, doing homework late, being online, laundry, a bunch of other crap, i do when i should be getting my sleep. i hate it. it's wicked hard for me to get up in the morning, and like i said fucks so much up. I mean i could prolly fall asleep within seconds if i went to bed right now, but i don't even want to. RETARDED. BLAAAAHHHHH.......

I HURT:Because i'm trapped in the pain and can't/won't break through
I HATE: Pretty much the whole past 4 1/2 months of my life
I FEAR: Things are continuing to get WORSE
I HOPE: That it'll go away, my wish will come true, and that i'll be HAPPY....
I FEEL: depressed,impatient, screwed over, frustrated, confused, alone, aggrivated, sad,
hurt,cranky,annoyed, drained, and bitchy
I HIDE: So many feelings and thoughts i've kept inside for too long
-no one has a clue
I MISS: TOO MUCH...:'( ~how things used to be~:'(
I LEARNED: that the good things in life don't stay the same for long
I NEED: to escape from all this heartache
I THINK: that no one's listening and no one cares!!!

I'm soo lost...........................................................................................

*We don't talk much anymore,
We keep running from these sentences.*~Dedicated :'(

*I see your face*~Dedicated

*i wonder if they'll laugh when i am dead, y am i fighting to live, if i'm just living to fight? y am i trying to see when there ain't nothing in sight? y am i trying to give when no one gives me a try? y am i dying to live if i'm just living to die?...*
     Read 1 - Post
NO MORE FUCKING CAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
09:54pm 24/11/2003
mood: uncomfortable
music: Youngbloodz feat. lil jon-"Damn"
there's one thing that i am happy about and that is that last wednesday..i got my cast off!!! :) . No more two crutches, no more everyone calling me, hobbles, hobby, gimpy, gimp, crutch girl, the wounded, cripple,hobbs, or any of that shit. Well, i still need to use one crutch every so often because i don't have much balance, and my foot still kills. Sometimes the pain goes away, but then it can just come back like that and make me want to scream! Some people still callin' me gimpy though. fooey. The doctor says that i'm going to be in pain for awhile though. I'm supposed to do sstrectch-like thingys with my foot to help it. I've tried but i still can't do much wit it without hurtin it. Last weekend was pretty interesting. The most fun i had was at work so imagine the excitement. I must say that the thing i do like about working is that i gots friends there, well at least i think that they're my friends. Who's to know about these things anymore.Jon, Katie, Mike and me kept playin games with those orange sticky things writing funny shit on them and havin' one of us go stick it on the other person's back. It was pretty hilarious. Anyways, Saturday night i actually got to go out and have some fun. Something i rarely get to do anymore. I hungout with Caitie, Spinney, and Tim J. We went to the movies. We were going to see Brother Bear but while sitting through the previews, the friggin screen got all fucked up and froze and the manager or some person in charge said that we could either get a refund or watch the other movie that they were about to start, which was also a cartoon. So we decided to watch The Cat In The Hat. I wanted to see that movie too so it was fine. The movie wasn't as good as it coulda been, like it was missing more plot to it. It was funny tho, but also stupid. I'd watch it again. Not my first choice tho. However, that is not what made the night interesting. The night just wasn't what i would have expected at all. I mean, i had fun, but things went differently then i'd assume especially because of how everything is/has been so fucked up, including my feelings!!Put it this way, I'm definitely the type of girl that loves to FLIRT and loves to TEASE!!! Haven't done too much of teasing up until recently because of how fucked up things been :(. Sometimes, even with people i dun even like i'll flirt and tease, but i don't like to let that happen because it can fuck with other people's feelings :(. I'm not going to go too much farther with talking about this tho, because i feel bad sharing this, i'm not one who purposely goes n' leads someone on, it can happen accidentally tho, without meaning to. So people shouldn't think badly of me just by reading this.If you do, then you can just go fuck yourself! Anyways, i'm really not quite sure where it is that I am going with this, but saturday night was strange. I feel uncomfortable with a choice that i made.It wasn't something huge, but to me it sorta feels a little that way. It's bothering me and i hate it, but like Caitie said it already happend and it's onea those things that there's nothing much to do about it. And NO i'm not talking about SEX!! so u ppl can now get ur minds outta the gutter, thank you very much! Ya know, i've found it that it's so incredibly hard to think/concentrate on shit/making decisions too, when you're depressed and got soo much other crap on your mind. Like it can get so bad to the point where you may even like/not care what you're doing at the time, think you are enjoying it but then after whatever it is is over with you soon realize you're being bothered by it. and even question why you did what you did. I'm not rly sure why i did, but i just did.
............................../FUUUCK a DUCK   
03:30pm 21/11/2003
  i feel horrible..i'm not sure where to begin. I know for sure though that as time goes by i'm falling apart more n' more..and pretty soon i'm gonna completely break!! The emptyness continues to get worse and worse..i just can't take it. Like in the poem i wrote, "she needs a savior,she needs to find the light, and she NEEDS HER LOVE, right now, real soon", and before she
s gone! Oh God, i just don't know what i'm going to do. I'm definitely a strong one, but the heartache and pain keeps coming my way. N' it stays :(. I feel so alone. I know i've got's my mommy, my dad, >11/22/03................---->continued--->
and my brother close by but thats NOT enough. How fucking wonderful..i seem to realize as im updating/editing this that i've seem to add this entry as a fucking PUBLIC entry..and def not what i intended! well least i didn't finish the rest of what i was going to say! i mean how fucking wonderful would that be?!?!? Not that many ppl even read this fucking thing anyways! :( whatever, read this and think what you want..create stuff in ur mind..and blab it to ppl do wutever the fuck you want..cuz in the end i know what's really up and ur just all shitty people that in reality juss don't 2 fucks!!! peaCe the FUCK OUT!!!!!!
     Read 2 - Post
Life is Fucked up!   
11:52pm 20/11/2003
mood: pessimistic
music: Michelle Branch-"Are You Happy Now?"
Here's a poem that i wrote in school yesterday...(steal it and i will hunt you down!!) -not in the greatest mood righ now..not trying to be a bitch..if u actually like it and would want 2 use it ask me tho..kk's. I haven't actually came up with a title for it yet but for now, the one i juss typed will do..i may not even change it.

"Save Her"

She's going crazy,
She's about to explode,
Somebody please help her,
She just can't let go.
Every night n' every day
She dreams of ways that things could be.
All the memories n' these dreams
Are so far it seems,
But really are so close
Spinning round' and round'
her busy head.
She needs a savior,
She needs to find the light,
She needs her love,
Right now, REAL SOON
Before she's gone.
She's going crazy,
She's about to explode,
Somebody please help her,
She just can't let go.
She needs all the joy that was
once filled inside her big, warm heart,
She needs all the emptyness to leave
And all the pain to go.
She's going crazy,
She's about to explode,
Somebody please help her,
She just can't let go.
Somebody please save her,
for one day it just may be
She's going crazy,
She's about to explode,
Somebody please help her,
She just can't let go.

~By ME
     Read 1 - Post
11:24pm 20/11/2003
mood: bitchy
music: Romeo + Juliet "When Doves Cry"
School was definetly BOOOOOOORRRINNNNNGGGGGGG today! In fact, the whole damn day-night was pretty damn boring. I had testing all day and missed 3 of my classes. I went with Tk after school to this wicked candy store in nbpt, called Nannie's Candies. It had awsome well, CANDY!!! i got this little bag of candies that had mini burgers, pizza that looked kinda real but also like plastic, a coke, fries, and a hot dog...all made out of CANDY!! heehe..i found it looks so cute..n' the fact that it's made outta candy. Also got this kewl sugary stuff that you pour into your mouth and it starts sizzling..yes i forgot what its wut. I wanted to get some for my family but we didn't have much time becuz Tk's mommy had to go pick up his bro @ school. I want to get people some dats cool candies for x-mas or something. Tk bought jelly beans that had wicked fucked up trying them was awsome! They had gross flava's like boogers, vomit, grass, dirt, earwax, sardines, spinach n' sick stuff like we got a kick outta trying them! But they were really gross because most of them really did taste like that stuff. It was hard to believe that they're artifically flavored. They had some good flav's too. We decided we def gots to get more dows. I've decided that i am defintely going to be having private journal entries, because i feel that people do not need to know all about my personal life and do not want them if this actually even bothers anyone..TOO FUCKING BAD!!!
my comp seriously sucks!!!   
11:02pm 18/11/2003
mood: drained
music: Tupac-Ressurection-w/Eminem-feat. the Outlawz
Ok my fuckin' computer seriously sucks!!! I was almost done typin my entry for today..more then a paragraph and it fucking FROZE!!!! gayass comp should blowup! i gotta try to remember all the shit i typed. School was actually riight today. I wasn't really as stressed, well with schoolwork anyways. We had a fire drill during Lit ..n' let me tell you how much fun it was getting down the stairs being a cripple..real awsome hobbaling down them. So many people in our school would seriously die if there was ever a joke. Well people on the third floor neway. It takes everyone so damn long to get out. It was mix it up day during lunch..where everyone sits at a table with people that they wouldn't normally sit preppies with geeks..that typa thing lol. It was set up by Mr. Brush n' was ok but it's not something that will actually help people fit in gotta give our school credit for trying tho. I went with dad to the afta school program to pick up my bro..and then as a surprise he took us to a chink food restaurant..mmm yummy stuff. I didn't get to eat much tho cuz my tummy hurt. ohwell, next time. We drove dad crazy in the car and in the was hypa. I was thinking about how Americans hire all races to work for them in restaurants and stuff and you see them..but in Chink food restaurant you never see whites, blacks, or any other race. Pretty fucked up heyy? I saw Dana at the afta schoo program. we actually had time to talk for a few..he normally real busy workin'. N' finally got to sign mah cast. I told him i'd prolly give him a call tonite but it's too late now, n' i've gots my bio n' German still to do n' im about to pass out. ehh..:( miss talkin' to him. Neways, apparently, my bro drove him crazy again, today. I guess he was being a pain in the ass during gym and then slammed the door in Dana's face..damn that is definitely something that can get a person pissed off, believe me! my bro loves doing that a lot to people lately..(including ME!)...according to my bro the next birfday i have i will be 20, have gray hair, purple lips, and spiderwebs growing out of my ears..what doof! I'd really like it if there wasn't school tomorrow..or like a day where i can just rest and then a day where i can just have the whole damn day to do whatever i want. but hey it's not gonna happen n' that's life for yah. I've gotta find time where i can have some fucking fun!!! I'm always so damn busy that i rarely ever have time for fun anymore! It's like the word doesn't exist in my vocab..daaah..

Timmyboy2099: i love you nikki
Timmyboy2099: you make me smile :) make me smile too :)

^Hehe...i juss love stuff like this! makes me feel special inside, even for just a few moments. N' sometimes that can actually make a great difference!

I miss Tim J soo much! Boy we got's too start chillin' again and i mean SOON!!! like yesterday! i love ya!

SHIT!! i got's to go do some HW so i can gets some sleep! Until next time......

:¨`•´¨: :¨`•´¨:
`•.•´Nikki `•.•´
02:46am 15/11/2003
mood: cold
music: Nickleback-"Someday"
mmmmm..let's see.. i think a question would be: What the hell am i doin up this late?
I should be sleepin' afta all i haven't got much of that all week ona counta stayin' up trying to get work done. I stayed home from school yesterday. I actually didn't want to. i know that coming outta my mouth is kinda scary if u think about it. It was mainly cuz i didn't want to miss more work.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......... i am sooo fuckin' cold!!!
my toes and hands are frozen..i think they might juss fall wouldnt that be somethin'

I am soo bored. i had more stuff to write but i kinda forget and im not up to typin' it all now.

I want to know when things are just going to get better~blah..

Work was good..afterall, it's not that busy on fridays cuz everyone is out havin' fun or doin whatever. Oh and Donnie and Diana were quite entertaining with the music and dancing..LoL would have joined in too but not the right music u guys..haa.
That that customer was funny. Donnie-to me:You're flashing.
Customer:yeah, but not in a good way.
Me: haha. I didn't think of it that way.

Right now im pretty amused because of the convo im havin with donnie. It's pretty damn hilarious. Ohh i am so overtired.. i usually get soo fuckin' hyper when this happens. HAHAHA..oh and donnie.. I'm JUST KIDDIN' with ya!! LoL its ok u can relax now...LMAO

Oh i'm an Amish juss so everyone knows..and my people do not believe in using light so we only use candles....LMAO >


How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren’t we able?
To see the signs that we missed
try to turn the tables.
I wish you would unclench your fists,
And unpack your suitcase
lately theres been to much of this
but don’t think its too late

nothings wrong
just as long
as you know that someday I will
some how
gonna make it alright, but not right now
I know you’re wondering when
you’re the only one that knows that
some how
gonna make it alright, but not right now
I know you’re wondering when

well I’d hope that since we’re here anyway
we can end up saying
things that we always needed to say
so we can end up staying
now the stories played out like this
just like a paperback novel
lets re-write an ending that fits
instead of a hollywood horror


you’re the only one that knows that

How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren’t we able?
To see the signs that we missed
try to turn the tables.
Now the stories played out like this
just like a paperback novel
lets re-write an ending that fits
instead of a hollywood horror
nothings wrong
just as long


I know you’re wondering when
you’re the only one that knows that
I know you’re wondering when
you’re the only one that knows that
I know you’re wondering when