12:30pm 04/06/2004
  im not really sure what i want anymore . . i mean id o but i dont. but all i kno is that its summer. and its going to be the best summer ever.

summer nights make it so easy to f o r g e t where reality stops and fantasys end. .

i wonder what people REALLY truly think of me . . not that i care , because ive learned not to especially beginning of this year , but a girl can still wonder right? . .

i wonder if anyone will ever be happy with the way they look cuz i kno i sure as heck wont be. but thats just me.


(kiss me at midnight?)

. . beauty outside . .   
10:14pm 09/01/2004
mood: disappointed
music: reel big fish - ???
i think im just going to have to learn to get used to it.. its going to happen. and thats just the way its gonna be. things change and if i dont like them i should just adjust accordingly. kinda sounds funny but its true.. heh. sometimes it feels like its on purpose and other times i kno its probably not .. but itll be fine.

ahhh well its the weekend. and im glad this week of school is over. but yet another week next week.. its no good. its this ongoing cycle of nothing.. haha. school is the number one waste of time. sleep being number 2. maybe i shuld just go to sleep and try not to think about anything at all.. it wuld work alot better.. haha.

but you .. you always make me feel better.. is that bad thing?! it shuldnt bother me.. it doesnt does it.. yur not making me feel any better. not tonight.

i love danny so much.. =\ i miss him.

hes amazing. the.end.


did any of this even make sense?

(8made my day | kiss me at midnight?)

. . o man . .   
05:49pm 05/01/2004
mood: irritated
music: how does it feel - sugarcult
first day back at school sucked...it was pretty pointless and really boring. and rite now im seriously thinking about running away to mexico with kaley and stowing away in a chicken truck.. hmm..

i dont even kno what to do anymore.


(6made my day | kiss me at midnight?)

.. the air is never cold ..   
02:27pm 01/01/2004
mood: lazy
music: empty apartment - yellowcard
oh man amazing is the only word i can think of.. last night was beyond words

and my basement smells like fartandaxe... and i have no idea why.
last night was really fun. when it was midnight it was more of a hey its midnight guys yah happy new year. nothign to dandy. we were watching the goonies. but it was still really fun. and schools coming back and i really dont wanna go back to school. Ew its evil i hate school. screw school. it shuld be optional.

im hungry.

(7made my day | kiss me at midnight?)

. . HaPPy nEw YeAr . .   
12:22am 01/01/2004
mood: loved
music: THE GOONIES!!!!!!!!

oooh yay its 2004!!

mm i wish i was with YOU rite now..


(kiss me at midnight?)

. . zeek the geek plays the accordion . .   
03:47pm 31/12/2003
mood: cold
music: yellowcard
hmm yah im watching maury and let me tell yah how wierd these people are ... this one guy hasnt had a haircut since like the 70's and doesnt take showers for like months at a time...

i woke up at like 1:15 today .. cuz i went to bed pretty late last night. oh well. it was worth it. i talked to danny all night. he makes me so happy.. you dont understand. tonite going to a party for the night it shuld be really fun...wanna make my night and call me tonite ?! haha only kidding. phonecalls are amazing. me and alisha we decided were gonna be the next rich girls.. not that we have the same kinda money those chicks do but it wuld still be fun .. haha. oh man that show makes me laugh. but no one wuld wanna watch my life its pretty boring.. im sure everyone wuld watch alisha though ;) haha. i was taking some really weird pictures last nite. oh man they turned out so weirD! haha i deleted almost all of them and just had some fun with it.i need to go dry my hairr but i dont really feel like getting up and its really quite cold in my basement.. well tonites new years eve and its gonna be a good one. i can feel it..

have a great new years ever eeverybody. its over. another year is gonee.

were almost half way down with our freshman year..crazi.


(kiss me at midnight?)

. . everythings bigger in texas . .   
03:25pm 29/12/2003
mood: confused
music: these days - rascal flatts
ooo man .. where do i even start?!?

this weekend was iNsAnE..and my cousins rock. i wuld never want any other cousins but them. im serious. im home now after spending the weekend at their house. just me. : ) it was so much fun. and i realized sometimes u just gotta go out and do stuff for yurself and not care what other people think.. which ive realized numerous times before but ya kno. its a new year. well okay so its almost a new year. and im gonna make it a good one. i just cant get over how fast feelings can change ...

love you all

[edit: feelings are the most confusing things in the world ... because when my heart and my head say 2 diffrent things but i dont kno whats saying what everything goes haywire and your brain just doesnt work right let me tell ya ... theres something holding me back and ive gone through everything with him , and i cant figure it out. its not the distance.. and its not that i dont like him .. i mean wow i cant even tell you what happens to me when the image of him outside at 1:30 in with his hood up goes through my mind.. its like the elevator feeling..its good and i love it. . i really like him...... what am i doing?! wats the big deal.. why dont i just go for it.. and take a risk for once ... why dont i? i just dont get it.]

EDIT again: i did it. i just said yes. i took the risk. and im glad i did. he makes me so happy... he's amazing. just damn straight amazing.. i havent been this happy for a really long time.

goodnight lovers.

(1made my day | kiss me at midnight?)

. . itll put the boo in yur bootay. .   
07:32pm 27/12/2003
  mMm. last night was fun taking pictures and such. and then this morning i went to my cousins. just me. met adam and my aunt half way and they brought me back. been here since earlier this morning. coming back monday i think ?? not so sure though... watching some pretty cool movie. . . !! haa. good cake let me tell ya.
about to head out for a little to hang out.
love u all

(4made my day | kiss me at midnight?)

. ChRiStMas .   
05:36pm 25/12/2003
mood: exhausted
music: christmas music
aWh man. christmas has come and its almost gone.. crazy....

ive been sick since mondayish and im really sorry to anyone else i got/or will be sick ... im sorry...

throwing up is not fun.. ever. people who do it on purpose are just insane. sooo for christmas. i got my camera that i love and once i figure out how to use it , things will be magic. oh u have no idea. and ive been finally able to eat real food without having it come back up. rice throwing up rice let me tell ya is horrible....so i got clothes , a movie or 2 and a cd for christmas. it was good i just like being around family and such. its not a bad time of year. never is. my cousins got a cellfone heck yah ....who was the first phonecall on it?! yurs truly :) and then someone left me a message christmas eve sometime during the day on my cellfone and i just turned my phone on for the first time in a while and listen to it. awh man made my day completly. familys here probably gonna watch pirates of the carribean or something equally good tonite ... hope everyone had an amazing christmas...

tell me bout them!!

love you ALL.


(10made my day | kiss me at midnight?)

. . oOo BoY . .   
09:42am 21/12/2003
mood: confused
music: ChRistMas MuSiC
everything is done. finals are over. the years almost over. christmas is in 4 days. and then that will be over. its just crazy. this weekend was fun it was. Chicago is so gorgeous around Christmas , probably the first time i actually felt like christmas was soon. i want snow.. just enough to cover the ground thats it.. just a litl. hmm. well i gotta go finish getting ready and head off to church. anyone free today?...


(4made my day | kiss me at midnight?)

?boo for tuesday?   
09:04pm 09/12/2003
mood: crushed
music: no music -headache major
i really dont like this...

and i shuldnt really care...
its just that everythings diffrent now
and i dont like it.
change is good sometimes i know
but right now i dont like this change


i skipped dance tonite and i shuldnt of... it wuld of been a better nite if i just wuld of gone to dance.. rite?

i feel bad about this one nite at a football game when i made karen stop singing " do yur ears hang low" i was getting upset about it cuz it reminded me of colin and thats not a bad thing , im sorry karen... i shuldnt of yelled at u....


edit: so yah its the weekend before finals week. ew...

(4made my day | kiss me at midnight?)

. . breathe in for luck . .   
05:18pm 02/12/2003
  thanksgiving was good. it really was.

in school they screwed up my schedule for next semester.. so i can swtich gym to 2nd period and have some class during 6th period , or just have option 2nd period.. i dont kno what to do.. i mite jus thave option cuz its the frist real class and it wuld be really niceeee.i like that. maybe ill do that? i dont kno .. any suggestions??
i want a digital camera. yah i decided.. taking pictures with friends is so much fun it really is. today in spanish i was going crazy cuz i felt like crap and i just wanted to go home and apprently every body else found it funny but i didnt! it was horrible. im just glad the days over. but another day tomorrow. but atleast i get to eat lunch for the first time in a long while yah isnt that excited... heck yah u got that right. this weekend was good. i was happy. tonitei have dance and im ready cuz its fun. somewhere to go and not think about anything at all. im thinking ill edit this later? its just blabbing.

today was good. i just wish i culd find someone.. that like yah i dont kno . haha. who even kno whats im saying anymore? i dont..

i kidnapped alisha today... shhh no one tell!

(2made my day | kiss me at midnight?)

whats the point..   
01:40pm 29/11/2003
mood: stressed
music: silence <-- i cant stand silence
when im always going to feel like this , like im competing with people , when im always going to feel like im not good enough for my friends , when im always going to feel like im the second string ... what is the real point?

homework is horrible and i wish i culd be doing other things but no.

(5made my day | kiss me at midnight?)

santa get off my girlfriend   
10:38pm 26/11/2003
mood: thirsty
music: united states of whatEVA
so today went down a little like this

be cool
made friends

haha it was a good day. hanging out with friends and such. :)

have a good holidayyyyyy

(kiss me at midnight?)

. . bla . .   
05:27pm 26/11/2003
mood: amused
music: . . christmas crush . .
last night i wanted to have people over last night and i told some people to call me butttt they never did but ohoh well , doesnt matter kno joe! haha.

alrite yah last night was pretty fun haha. Lauren came over and i think today has consisting of watching shows such as:

-growing pains
-saved by the bell
-rich girls
-stage moms
-before they were rockstars
-family guy
-step by step

ooh and who knows what else... haha. it was a good day.

dont kno whats going on tonite yet but its gonna be GREAT ... ohh yah.

hope everyone has a great thanksgiving break!! loveu allllll

(2made my day | kiss me at midnight?)

. . questionable . .   
03:18pm 25/11/2003
mood: blank
music: jack johnson wasting time
im in the zone where im always with you and the sun always shines and theres never any rain but when theres rain its to run around in and laugh in. no one even cares or tells a lie. people move along without a tear in their eye. no one ever cares about what you wear or how you act where people like you for you and not who you pretend to be. the zone where you say who you are and thats who you will always be. where snow flakes drop faster then tears and people give you their word and keep it. musics always heard and people rarely frown. jealously does not exsist and love is a good think that never changes or hurts. you stay who you are and never turn around. regret is not an option and lying is imorrallywrong to everyone. if only i could find the zone instead of sitting here with tears down my face in a world where youre blamed for who you are and who you want to be. your dreams are shatteredand you never feel good enough people say things that cut to the bone. things done unintentional hurt more then they know. tears come more often then the sun and people constantly go against their word. dreams are always better then reality and being yurself is following your friends and the crowd. taking a stand is a scary thing for fear of rejection , lost hope , loss of friend and mean words... hate , hes/shes/yur a jerk , yur stupid , shoot , kill , shut up , you suck. are words heard left and right. they hurt more then people think and you cant take words back just hearing them
makes you cringe and the words you hear from ear to ear make you wonder how childish somepeple can be. walking through the halls deciding where you fit in looking at the gobs of people who all have a diffrent face half of who you dont even kno and probalby never will.... people making you feel bad for actions you long did before .... because their other friends are better then you ....making others seem more important .... things digging at yur heart like theres no tomorrow but u just cant open yur mouth for fear of the words spattered behind yur back by those u dont even know but dont care what people think they say.. this is reality. not the zone..

if only i culd find the zone.


(kiss me at midnight?)

07:24pm 24/11/2003
  screw it ive typed this thing 4 times now. im not even gonna bother. some other times i will.  

(kiss me at midnight?)

. . u get it when yur 49 . .   
05:12pm 23/11/2003
mood: crappy
music: football game
yeah so last night was really fun. i went to the variety show with friends. then we ran into this jerk who cared a little to much about shoes.. weirdo. but yah the show itself was amazing. i can not wait until i have my dance recital thing , i hope itll be fun haha. ive never done anything on stage before and im really excited. .. it isnt till june .. but yah watching everything last night made me excited =) yay!

i saw my cousins play today and he was amazing , it was really good.
well im heading home in a bit .. im really tired.


(kiss me at midnight?)

. . meep meep . .   
10:48am 22/11/2003
mood: cold
allllllllllrite so yah beaker.... a definite memory of a the muppets 3d show... ohhhh yes. wasnt watching the screen the whole time thats fo sho.. haha just kidding.

screw that . i take it back cuz like a wise person once said : people write in these things for themselves and people have a choice if they wana read it. so yah!

pictures are done so im gonna get htem. maybe i culd scan them that wul dbe awesome haah. love u all.

(kiss me at midnight?)

lifes a blurr when yur in the slow lane   
11:56pm 21/11/2003
mood: confused
music: TV
im backkk from florida and i really wish i was back there. it seriously is one of the most peaceful places ever .... just being able to not worry about anything whatsoever. just being able to do whatever and not worrying about what time it is , where you are or whats coming ahead of you .. and i was just kinda walking around by myself one day which was really nice to do and i was watching all this little kids just alll smiles and so incredibly happy because their in disney world ya kno? and its like that feeling never goes away its just something about the place. and no little kid ever cares what people are thinking about or saying about them. so ive decided with how fast life flys by , im definetly going to be more of myself instead of keeping to myself sometimes because i worry about wat even some of my closest friends think. this week ive realized that you just gotta be yurself and this week i was and it felt good , being aruond people that you will never see again , and i was even more confident and by the end of the week i was like whoa this is great ... and ive realized this is me. stop pretending and truly be yurself. and yah.. thats my story!

but yah so florida was really good , warmmmm , and just overall a realllllly good time. i uh kinda missed some major events i think ha. but hey wat r ya going to do im not gonna worry about it.. i feel kinda weird now ....

goodnight to alll
luv u tonz.


ginas got an awesome point.. this whole journal thing... can REALLY hurt people unintentionally.. i agree... complelty..

(4made my day | kiss me at midnight?)