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Thursday, February 19th, 2004
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2:18 am - Ummmm?
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101 ways to kill yourself.....just because.
I thought this was funny and it was sent to me by a friend. Don't think I want looking for this!
1. Slit your wrists.
2. Drink cleaning supplies.
3. Put your dad's rifle in your mouth and shoot.
4. Cut yourself along several major arteries and slowly bleed to death.
5. Fill the bathtub up with hot water and get in. Go underwater & breathe until I say stop.
6. Give yourself a homemade tattoo with toxic silver pen.
7. Fill the bathtub up. Grab a toaster & plug it in. Get in the bathtub and bring the toaster with you. Push down the button & enjoy!
8. Boil several gallons of water on the stove and "accidentally" spill it all on yourself.
9. Bash your head in with a hammer.
10. Get an axe from the woodpile & split yourself in half.
11. Use your telekinetic powers to make the house fall apart.
12. Tease the elevator by not letting it close until it buzzes loudly. Stand in the door's way and let it close.
13. Break a mirror. Take two sharp pieces of the glass and shove them in your eyes, hard and deep.
14. Shove a Chef's knife up your butt.
15. Kill someone else and plead for death by lethal injection.
16. Break a bottle of wine on a table and shove it in your stomach.
17. Have your best friend run you over with a steamroller.
18. Turn on the iron until water dances on surface. Put it on several places on your body, keeping it in each place for at least 45 seconds.
19. Jump off a building, aiming carefully to impale yourself on a lamppost.
20. Drive a wooden stake in your heart.
21. Induce vomiting until you black out and slip into a coma. This coma should last for several months, in which time your family will certainly decide to pull the plug.
22. Put your pinky, as well as any other digits that will fit, into an electrical socket.
23. Purposely catch your clothing in the escalator at a local mall and fight off anyone who tries to help. Enjoy the ride!
24. Swallow vanilla bath beads.
25. Drop a lit match down your throat.
26. Eat three tubes of toothpaste - and I'm not talking about trial size.
27. Hang yourself in your closet with an electrical cord.
28. Unbend a coat hanger and slowly & carefully shove it up your nose.
29. Crash a car into a department store window displaying a nativity scene. Merry Christmas!
30. Lodge your head in the toilet bowl and flush mercilessly.
31. Get your hand caught in the CD-ROM drive and attempt to cut it off with a dull pocketknife.
32. Make a pipe bomb and blow up your house with you inside, of course.
33. Stuff toilet paper down your throat until you choke.
34. Eat baby powder.
35. Eat deodorant.
36. Take a walk in the ghetto with a giant boom box blasting Vanilla Ice.
37. Anger a cannibal.
38. Drown yourself in a spoon full of water.
39. Get a friend to throw a few CDs Frisbee-style at your stomach and throat.
40. Swallow fifteen razor blades.
41. Drink 2 bottles of cough syrup.
42. Lock yourself in a room. After you've eaten the carpet and peeled the paint off the walls for a snack, you'll eventually starve.
43. Swerve into the left rear wheels of a moving transfer truckƒon your bike.
44. Break a battery open and pour it into a glass of Dr. Pepper and drink it.
45. Live on top of an active volcano.
46. Piss off O.J. Simpson.
47. Eat a string of Christmas Tree lights.
48. Give yourself a million paper cutsƒif the paper cuts don't kill you, the counting will.
49. Nail yourself to the side of a federal building.
50. Scalp yourself. If you're not dead, make photocopies.
51. Cry your eyes outƒliterally.
52. Burn plastic and breathe in the toxic fumes.
53. Charge into a big screen TV.
54. Lag behind when participating in a Bull Run.
55. Walk around in downtown New Jersey with a Target store shirt on.
56. Smash your head in the safe door again & again & againƒ
57. Spray a bottle of air freshener up your nose and inhale at the same time.
58. Eat a dog with heartworms raw.
59. Strategically place yourself in the middle of a very busy intersection at rush hour during daylight savings time while wearing a tight, black jumpsuit, being ever so careful to hit every car you see.
60. Go to a horse race and jump out in front of the leading horse screaming at the top of your lungs, "I'm a pony! I'm a pony!"
61. Make like Sonny Bono when on a skiing trip.
62. Get run over by an ostrich.
63. Get naked and lay on 12 150-watt light bulbs, then flip the switch.
64. Cut off all your fingers then write a ten-page report on "Polyester versus Cotton Fabrics" with the stubs.
65. Get pregnant and then have your mother perform an emergency C-section just for kicks.
66. Jam a toothbrush in your bellybutton.
67. Brush your teeth with a MACH 3 razor.
68. Drill a hole in your head.
69. Find a huge pine tree. Cut it down with a chainsaw while standing in its falling path.
70. Skinny-dip in a shark tank with your favorite rubber ducky.
71. Drive with a rabid monkey in your back seat.
72. Play NASCAR with an unsuspecting fellow driver.
73. Jump off the balcony in a school auditorium.
74. Smash your head through a wooden door, making sure you get plenty of splinters.
75. Jump in the way of a moving subway train.
76. Drip hot wax all over your body, then light matches and light your feet on fire. The flames will rise and consume your entire body, but before you do that, make sure you drip hot wax in your eyes & let it harden.
77. Do back flips in a mosh pit.
78. Attempt to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
79. Jump out of a moving bus window and do shoulder-rolls across the highway until you get run over.
80. Always use the wrong tool for the job.
81. Float on your back in the Anaconda River and wait.
82. Get in a pool with piranhas and have them tear off your flesh bit by bit, eating you alive.
83. Wedge yourself in the doggy-entrance on the garage door and have a friend press the "garage open" button.
84. Use a chain saw to cut out pictures.
85. Shove a TV antenna in one ear & out the other.
86. Strangle yourself with your best necklace.
87. Bite your arm and suck & swallow the blood. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. 88. Perform self-quadruple bypass surgery.
89. Take out your own spleen, cook it for 2 minutes in the microwave, and eat it.
90. Cut yourself up and feed as much of you as possible to the family dog.
91. Cut off your limbs and put them in the crock-pot for your family to find. If your crock-pot isn't large enough, put extra flesh in the freezer for later.
92. Swan dive into the 10-gallon fish tank.
93. Give yourself a buzz-cut with bush shears.
94. Gather up a group of friends to push all your pressure points at the same time.
95. Make believe you're in a psychiatric facility with padded walls when you're really in a steel cage.
96. Straddle a neon sign. Don't let go, no matter what people tell you.
97. Go swimming in an oil spill. Don't forget to open your eyes under water!
98. Smash your porcelain "Precious Moments" dolls in the middle of the street and consume the large pieces left over.
99. Roll around nude in the street at noon.
100. Drink paint. Eat the stick you stirred the paint with. Drink paint thinner to wash it down.
101. Take all the pills in your medicine cabinet, along with at least one shot of every alcoholic beverage known to man and take a little nap. Don't bother waking up
current mood:  amused
current music: Feeling Left Out & Ab Reaction
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, February 11th, 2004
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2:49 am - ....fuck.....
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| Monday, February 9th, 2004
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11:29 pm - I loath it.....
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I hate eatting. I really do. If I really think about it...it makes me so mad. I am so parinoid about it. I obsess over it and hate it at the same time. I hate the fact that I have to eat to be alive. I wish there was just a pill you could take instead of eatting, and it would give you the right amount of vitamina and nutrition and that would be that. No food, no food posioning, no tastes, no smells, no gas, no stomach aches, no vomit, no digestion.
I hate it all, it controls my life. This probably sounds so crazy, but I think I'm losing it.
I don't wanna eat.
I absolutly hate eatting.
I fear fat and calories. I fear food posioning. I fear stomach problems, and the simple sounds of digestion freak me out. I don't want to puke...EVER.
I would reather die.
current mood:  hungry
current music: Fiona Apple
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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8:59 pm - DAMN.....
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I’ve seen a child he’s caught
In the sad trap of gravity
He falls from the lowest
Branch of the apple tree
And lands in the grass
And weeps for his dignity
Next time he will not aim so high
Yeah, next time neither will I
Now, a mother takes loans out
Sends her kids off to colleges
Her family’s reduced
To names on a shopping list
While a coroner kneels
Beneath the great wooden crucifix
He knows there’s worse things than being
Alone.
And so I’ve learned to retreat
At the first sign of danger
I mean, why wait around if
It’s just to surrender
And ambition I’ve found
Can lead only to failure
I do not read the reviews
No I am not singing for you
[Woo]
Well I stood droppin’ a coin
Into the pit of a well
And I would throw my whole billfold
If I thought it would help
With all these wishes I make
I should buy something real
At least a telephone
Call home
Well my teachers they built
This retaining wall of memory
All those multiple choices
I answered so quickly
And got my grades back
And forgot just as easily
But at least I got an ‘A’
And so I don’t have them to blame
Well I should stop pointing fingers
Reserve my judgment
Of all those public action figures
And cowboy presidents
So loud behind the bull-horns
So proud they can’t admit
When they’ve made a mistake
While poison ink spews
From a speech writers pen
He knows he don’t have to say it
So it don’t bother him
Honesty accuracy
It’s just popular opinion
And the approval ratings high
And so someone’s gonna die
Well ABC NBC CBS bullshit
They give us fact or fiction
I guess an even split
And each new act of war’s tonight’s entertainment
We’re still the pawns in their game
As they take eye for an eye
Until no one can see
We must stumble blindly forward
Repeating history
Well I guess we all fit into that slogan
On your fast food marquee
Red blooded white skinned and oh the blues
Oh and the blues I got the blues that’s me
Well I awoke in relief
My sheets and tubes were all tangled
Weak from whiskey and pills
In a Chicago hospital
And my father was there
In a chair by the window
Starin’ so far away
I tried talking just whispered
“So sorry so selfish”
He stopped me and said
“Child, I love you regardless
There nothing you could do
That would ever change this
I’m not angry, it happens
But you just can’t do it again”
And so now I try to keep up
I been exchanging my currency
While a million objects
Pass though my periphery
Now I’m rubbin’ my eyes
‘Cause they’re starting to bother me
I been staring too long at the screen
But where was it when I first heard
That sweet sound of humility
It came to my ears in the
Goddamned loveliest melody
How grateful I was then
To be part of the mystery
To love and to be loved
Lets just hope that is enough
current mood:  annoyed
current music: Bright Eyes
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, February 7th, 2004
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10:08 pm - PUNK BAND
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Good new fellow band members, I went on E-bay and bid on a Bass Guitar...for only a 1.50!
Soon we will be rockin'.
yeah....right.
current mood:  anxious
current music: Flogging Molly
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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9:47 pm - Myxomatosis is so cute!
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He's (Myxomatosis) sitting on my lap right now, watching the computer screen. He's such an adorable kitten.
Oh, enough about my cats...but I love them more than anything.
Well, last night Andrew called and we talked for hours. I just noticed last night that he has a Canadian accent. I never caught it before last night. He was so cute when he said the words: "out" and "about"!
I made fun of him, and he made fun of me worse for living in America....he got me there!
We constantly bitch about America to eachother too. It's quite funny. He hates the US, and I don't blame him. We both think Michigan should just break off from the US and become part of Canada, or better yet, it's own country! The Country of Michigan. And Wisconsin can have the UP! We would just be an island in the middle of the great lakes!
Well, I have a new buddy in Canada. He's hip. He plays guitar, likes punk music and likes Donnie Darko. That's cool with me. And it's weird how much stuff we have in common. (ex:) His Dad is a Presperterian minister, and my Mom works for The Kirk in the Hills, a Presperterian church! *Twilight Zone theme*
Let's see what else is going on? ummmm....
I had another panic attack last night, and accually I'm feeling one comming on right now.
-my stomach hurts.
-my legs begin to shake, vibrate.
-my heart rate sky-rockets.
-my pulse is up.
-my breathing is fast ans short.
-I feel cold, and weak.
-I feel like I'm choking.
-Panic...panic...panic....
-Scared to death.
-I want to die once more......
I HATE PANIC ATTACKS AND MY FEAR OF THROWING UP!!!!!
I want this to be gone. I want to leave it all behind. Sometimes I wish I could just get amnesia and forget everything about this fear.
I HATE EMETOPHOBIA!!!!!!!
current mood:  scared
current music: Elliott Smith
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, February 6th, 2004
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9:56 pm - When will it end?
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| Thursday, February 5th, 2004
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9:58 pm - No more....
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I freaked out a work tuesday. It wasn't pretty. One of the girls I work with got sick at work. She thinks it was the yogurt she ate. It freaked me out though. And I had a major panic attack. I wantted to just die. Thankfully my friend Caryn was there to help. She is so nice and understanding. I was a mess. I was shaking uncontrolably and started feeling like I was choking. My heart rate sky rockets and I get really cold. I even started crying. I felt like a total ass at work when all this happened. But every one was so nice and understanding. That was good. Expecially Caryn.
But Tues. night I didn't sleep. I took a nap on Wed. though. It sucked. (not the nap, that whole experience.)
I had a total breakdown last night and wanted to kill myself. I didn't do anything physically, but I just screamed in my room and cryed on my mothers shoulder. I wanted to die so bad. It's hard to explain this...ummm...
Well, have you ever been so scared that you just wish you could disapper? That's sort how I feel, but to a bigger extream. I really want to die sometimes. I would rather die than vomit. It's that fuvking scary to me and NO ONE understands my fear. I wanna just get better, but I can't. I can't see the doctors andymore for a while till I get insurance again....
I hate this. I wanna just lay down, peacefully and not in a panic. Thinking of my friends, my family and my cats, and just close my eyes. My body would just shut down slowly and I would got to sleep and never wake up. Then I would be at peace. No more panic, no more upsetting situations or sickness.
Awwhhhh! I will be fucked in the head forever and I like life to much to accually have the courage to kill myself. Except if I had a gun, I probably would do it.
It would be fast and quick.
Sorry....I don't wanna be sick.
I just hate being so fucking scared all the time. It scares the hell out of me. I hate it so....
Why does it control my life? I wanna die....
current mood:  depressed
current music: Fight Club (sound track)
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
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2:17 am - I love Donnie Darko
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All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, Going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, No expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, No tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
These dreams in which I’m dying, Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very….
Mad World, Mad World
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me, Look right through me
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
These dreams in which I’m dying, Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very….
Mad World, Mad World
current mood: depressed
current music: Donnie Darko
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
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10:18 am - Fucking Snow....it's so pretty!
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No work today! There is so much snow...I went to work for an hour and they sent me home before the roads got to bad. Too late...
I almost died on the way home. It was a little freaky.
Well, not much going on. Waiting for Adam to come home. I'm accually really excited about seeing him. I feel things will be better now. But what do I know?
Hummmm....well, I'm bord, and very tired. I didn't sleep last night, and probably won't sleep tonight either.
This sucks.
Snow snow snow.....And I'm just gonna throw this out there...Everyone should read the book by Naomi Klein - NO LOGO.
I guess thats all untill I get really bord again.
current mood:  cold
current music: The Stokes
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, January 26th, 2004
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3:57 pm - I Love Thom Yorke
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You are a creative, moody, musical genius. You
drink. A lot. Though you come off as a whiner
who hates life, really youre just a nice guy
who watches Arthur on Saturday mornings.
However, you are a bit weird, as you dont eat
wheat because you think it gave you a skin rash
WHICH MEMBER OF RADIOHEAD ARE YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla
But I don't Drink A lot!!!!
But I sure am moody! And sometimes i do hate life....but I guess so does Thom.
current mood:  awake
current music: Radiohead
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, January 24th, 2004
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6:59 pm - Canada is Cool!
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Well, Al and I are over...again.
I can't take it much longer there are too any people out there...and Al had his chance and screwed it up again.
Sorry...I will not talk about it any more.
ahhhh...hummmmm.
Well, good news. Accually more interesting than good...well it is good too...ummm...
anyways...
I went to a crappy chat room last night and talked to this one guy from Canada. We started chatting and he turned out to be really inteligent. He was really inteeresting, and we talked about tons for cool things like music and movies and how much president Bush sucks...and he was telling me how he writes his own music and would like me to hear it. I was a little nervous having him call me but something told me I shouldn't be scared and to talk to him.
He called around 11pm last night, we didn't stop talking till after midnight. He was awesome. He was into some really cool music and even played me a few of his songs that he wrote just for an opinoin. He was just a really cool, down to earth guy. And he only lives like 2 hrs away. When we were talking it was like we had known each other for years. We were littereally finishing each others sentences! Creeepy... We practically love the same music, books and have the same views on America and politics...oh, and religion.
It was amazing...and it got me thinking that there are so many poeple out there to talk to. He told me that he had never called anyone he had met on the internet before, but some how he needed to call me. Sound lame, but it was really interesting.
And it probably sounds so dumb and sorta scary, but he was really nice on the phone and I could totally tell he was himself and not some weird pervert that calls little girls. I'm not stupid.
And even if it does turn out bad ( and I don't think it will), we still had an awesome conversation together. I haven't had a really cool chat with someone in a long time. And it was fun to find out what he thought about stuff. But what really got me was that he loves radiohead too, and thats a plus in my book.
He even played Street Spirit over the phone for me.
He was also very amazed by me. Not to be vain or anything...but he found my taste in music to be exquisist and diffrent. We also like the same styles of music and morbid things...it was creepy...in a good way though.
It was fun and we promisied to keep in touch. Through e-mail and phone.
I never thought I would do that...give a total stranger my phone # and talk to them for hours.
It was neat....even though it sounds really geeky.
I'm such a dweeb.
current mood:  nerdy
current music: Radiohead
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, January 23rd, 2004
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1:42 pm - 4 Easy ways to satisfy any woman...
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1)Engage her in lively and interesting conversations everyday.
2)Really listen t o what she has to say and find ways to relate to her joys as well as her trials and tribulations.
3)Make her laugh as often as youcan with gentle, loving humor.
4)Touch her a lot in places that have NOTHING to do with sex.
It's easy!
Not a lot of guys know this.Only a few that I know.
Well, this entry accually goes with my last one. But it's too late for Al. I tryed explaining it before to him...
But it's just not the way he is.
Anyways...about the Punk band thing...
Here's what I have so far.
Dickey - Drummer
Adam - Guitar, Back up Vocals(or lead)
Erik - Guitar, Vocals (or back up)
Amber(Me) - Bass
I think Dickey could be great at the drums-Jimbo could show him a few things. He wouldn't have to be great, just good enough to keep the beat rockin'!
Erik has a guitar-So he could start playing around with that.
Adam-Steal Nick's guitar, practice.
Me-I can steal Al's bass. Or fool around with my guitar for ideas.
Oh and I agree with Erik...NO POP-PUNK. Even though some of us like that...(me and Adam...) It's not really punk. Ha ha, hee hee.
Oh well...I'm having way to much fun with this concept.
It probably won't happen...We are all to far away from each other anyways.
current mood: Pumped
current music: Radiohead
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, January 22nd, 2004
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2:25 am - I'm Done!
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This was it! I am completely done with Al. (So I say now...)
He treated me like crap today. He came over after work and was just an ass to me. He never compliments me, he never higs or kisses me without me asking. He didn't wanna spend time with me. We haden't seen each other in about four days and he was just a rude bastard today. He just put me down all day. He told me my hair looked like old lady hair...I don't know why. He makes fun of me constantly... it's mental abuse I tell ya.
I literally feel more depressed after hanging out with him...it's not good for me. I'm really fucking sick of it. I gave him another chance and he blew this one too. Well it's too late now. He had his chances. It hurts, but I must say it's over again. He just doesn't know how to treat other people. He has no consideration for others. He is so self centered.
I tryed so hard to make him happy I forgot about myself. I tryed to make it work this time, but I just can't put up with this anymore...
I care about Al so much, but he needs to grow up and learn how to treat someone in a relationship. I feel bad. I've told him this countless time before...but nothing sinks in. I wish he could understand. I do care about him more than he knows, but this is just not right. I feel like crap. He treats me really bad, mentally.
(I need sleep. )
I haven't talked to him yet since he left today...not talking to me, or I to him. He was just so mean.
He wouldn't hold my hand when we went to the store. He wouldn't help me carry stuff. He complanied the whole time. He was just so MEAN! And I HATE how he calls me "lady" instead of using my simple name. It makes me feel so unwanted and like he doesn't care.
He's barely romanic and has never really done anything special for me (without me hinting or telling him to)
It's dumb...
I'm sorry for this rant...I had to get it out.
Sorry....
current mood:  angry
current music: The White Stripes
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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1:27 am - Punk it up guys!
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I wanna start a punkband you guys! I need something like that right now. I'm so bord.
current mood: anxious
current music: Goldfinger
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
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11:01 pm - Smelly dead hedghogs...
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Work was interesting today. It was filled with skinny starving cats, dead rodents and cat fights! I'm getting to love my job more each day. Keeps me on my toes...every day is different.
Well, nothing else much is going on. I see my shrink again on thursday.
That should be fun.
Oh...and I have a new nick-name at work that they gave to me. Wedensday. I like it.
It's because the people I work with think I'm like Wedensday from the Adams Family.
I was flattered. I wanted to be like Wedensday when I was little. It's really funny too.
My moms b-day is this week and I'm taking her to see the Second City comedy show in Detroit this Saturday. I hope she likes it. It's a surprize...shhh.
Jessie b-day is coming up too. The 27th. oh..and thats Chris Hosbachs b-day too. Well well.
Then its Adams b-day. He will probably be drunk then...no time for sober fun... ha ha
Ohhhh and I want to start a punk band! Adam lets do it...if you are really serious...I will!
I want to be in a band soooo bad...and I don't care what we do. I wanna sing or play the bass.
It would be a good time...we'll punk rock it out.
And good news!!! Fiona Apple is making a new album, or accually has already made it...and it should be out soon.
I'm so excited! I love her...
current mood:  okay
current music: Beethoven (1770-1827)
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, January 16th, 2004
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1:42 pm - Sitting here...listening to music
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I have to go back to work soon. So this is my relaxation time. But it's not long enough. I leave in less than an hour. It seems like I just got home.
Well, I do what I can. Things have been difficult lately with everything. I didn't sleep last night because of panic. It will never escape the depths of my body. I'm so scared.
Sometimes I feel like I've lost so many things I once had. I miss my friends. Expecially Jess. I never get to see her. But hopefully I can save up some money to go visit her in March!
I feel so slowed down some times, and I feel depressed. I know it sounds pathetic, but it's me...
What is next? I dream of better times.
I dreamt of a fever,
one that would cure me of this cold, winter-set heart
With heat to melt these frozen tears burned with reasons as to carry on
Into these twisted months I plunge without a light to follow
But I swear that I would follow anything
just get me out of here
But you get six months to adapt
and you get two more to leave town
And in the event that you do adapt
we still might not want you around
But I fell for the promise of a life with a purpose
but I know that that's impossible now
And so I drink to stay warm and to kill selected memories
cause I just can't think anymore about that
or about her tonight
And I give myself three days to feel better or else I
swear I'll drive right off a fucking cliff
because if I can't learn to make myself feel better
how can I expect anyone else to give a shit?
and I scream for the sunlight
or a car to take me anywhere.
just get me passed this dead and eternal snow
cause I swear that I'm dying
Slowly, but it's happening
and if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere
just take me there
just take me there
just take me there
and say and lie to me and say and lie to me and say
it's gonna be alright
it's gonna be alright
it's gonna be alright
it's gonna be alright
it's gonna be alright
it's gonna be alright
it's gonna be alright
it's gonna be alright
it's gonna be alright..
Thank you Conor- thats what I was thinking but didn't know how to say it.
This is sad...sorry...
current mood:  mellow
current music: Azure Ray
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(comment on this)
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12:17 am - People are mean!
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I don't understand why people mistreat animals. It hurts my heart to see animals suffer.
Today at work there was this abandoned cat, it might not live through the night. It was left out in the snow storm yesterday. Poor thing was freezing when the owners brought him in. He also had a raging infection in his bladder. He was a mess, all wet and cold. His temp was only 91.2 degrees F. Thats severly low for a cat. Their regular temp is around 101-102 degrees.
It just saddens me to see this, but it comes with the job I guess.
A while back there was this dog that was completly neglected. She was left in the backyard with an open wound on her back and it got infested with maggots. That was an interesting night at the hospital. It was terrible, but we helped her and thats rewarding. Thats what I love about my job...helping animals.
I know this all sounds really cheesey, but I don't think so. I found my passion. I love animals.
And I hate people who abuse them. It isn't fair to the animal.
current mood:  melancholy
current music: Radiohead
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, January 15th, 2004
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2:36 am - Big Fish...and one sad girl.
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Last night I did sleep for a little, and it seems when I don't sleep for long peroids, I remember my dreams more. They are more vivid and real that ever before. Well, last night I dreamt of a boy I once knew. The dream made me remember all the events in the past and how he accually screwed up a lot for me. And makes me crazy at the same time. All the memories came rushing back, the feelings. The people who hated. The melting. Those eyes.
Feeling like a pathetic little love-struck dope. Wanting to die all over again.
I want some one to love me so much that they'll wanna plant a whole field of my favorite flowers. Write my name in the sky...
but we all knnow thats only the movies. So fuck this.
And fuck all guys.
Guys suck. They are never like the ones in the movies.
If only I lived in a sur-real dream world and float around in a drug daze.
Marry Ewan and then die.
current mood:  disappointed
current music: The Who
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
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1:33 am - Put a latch on the door so mamma don't know that...
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I'm downloading porn with Dickey...
Do you remember the good ol' days?
I used to be dead but now I'm crazy...
All I think about is vomit vomit!
Downloading porn with Dickey....
Downloading porn with Dickey....
But seriously...
I remember falling in love once...but all I feel now is sad.
current mood:  nervous
current music: The Faint and Emily Sparks
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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drained