| "id throw hot coffee on his face and laugh" |
[11 Oct 2004|09:15am] |
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in the library~ i'ts too early for this |
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it's been a long time since i wrote in this journal. and honestly nothing has really been going on. i started school again which is always a pleasure with some of these people. i started a relationship..but that's over now..sort of. im happy with everything im doing. i changed a bit...cut the hair..got more my ears done again...9 total whoop!!
ive been thinking alot lately about moving to a different campus for school. living at home does make it cheaper on me which is good..but it's the fact that i don't wanna be here anymore. i wanna get away from all this and just be myself.if i left here i'd leave all the friends i have that are staying..but if i'd move, it would either be to the york campus (near brenda) or up to the wilkes-barre campus (near bill) both are great schools with perks of their own. i just have to decide if i can and really want to do this on my own. i want to get the full college experience! i wanna have drunk people passed out in my room at 4 in the afternoon, and i want to be able to come and go when i want and where i want. im so trapped by this same damn town, nothing changes here...except that my friends are leaving to go to college...more and more every year. i dont wanna be stuck in this town when there's nothing worth being stuck here for. i dunno...
i want richie back
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| what's my reason? |
[05 Apr 2004|07:23pm] |
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Hoobastank- The Reason |
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wow it's been a while since i wrote in here lol and nothing that major has really happened. doing well in school..always a plus..seeing my friends..even better..and i get to go to prom this year (my 3rd) with my lovely novia allie (dont ask if u dont' know lol). i can't wait. i've seen alot of new movies...jersey girl, dawn of the dead, secret window, the prince and me, i know i know i need a life but hey..it's fun..only thing to really do around here. im going out to lunch with brenda and some other this sat. that should be nice..haven't seen alot of them in months..college seperation..sucks. i've had some exciting adventures as always..
went to q-mart with allie, kelly, berd, and marguerite the one day..interesting as always. scary people up in there. then we went bowling which is always fun times. some guy with no butt bowled next to us..and he was good..but yeah we slept at allie's that night..one of the few where we actually slept hah. then we went to johnny's bagels in the morning and allie didn't hit anything :)
what else??? friday night i went to see the prince and me with a group of people and they got to see this guy matt that was in my history class that i kinda liked and what not..he came with some other guys from school so that was interesting..and they think he's cute so i guess i didn't do too bad with him..but they think he's just hiding being gay..you have to see this guy and his clothes and he takes singing lessons and lots o shit...put hava nagila on my phone and started jamming and came up with the "hoytz" as kelly named it haha so now we have the hottest dance move for prom. haha then to the cafe and got yelled at...ewww. just went out with kelly and marguerite on sat. cuz allie was such a lesbian and didn't come with us..haha but me and kelly drove around for a while and we went searching for search lights as she puts it hehe..that was cool..then to the mall and i like the guy in the pizza place cuz he's pretty. lol...i need to get a job now..need money. me and kelly are going to apply at neighbors together so we can be totally cool and work together haha..that would be soooo cool. i have to go to the mall on wednesday with heather after my math class to get earings and a necklace for prom.
me and sean aren't really talking..after i told him what i thought about his situation with that girl..we havent' really spoken..i tried calling him a few times and nothing and he im'd me one day and was gonna "call in 10 mins" and im still waiting for that call...lol big suprise there.
heather told me a while ago that she ran into shannon and d at her work in jersey...they talked for a while and dan got brought up...::sigh:: well he remembers me haha i guess that's..good? i do'nt know..he's dating this girl who is taller than me and weighs like 95 pounds..and is the manager at the pizza hut where he works...eww gag me please. sucks..he looks soooo good...then again..he always did. oh well...no turning back...no regrets..right?
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| no i want the bread...and pastries..(friends is on) |
[28 Jan 2004|11:15pm] |
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Friends on TV |
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why do i put up with sean? i just talked to him for a half hour with the only things i said were "shut up", "you're pissing me off" and "im gonna hang up on you if you don't stop." yes that just screams friendship.does anyone remember when he said that even if he did like me like that it wouldn't work cuz im too young? then tell me why he's going out with some 18 year old this weekend..hmm...can we say hypocrit? he just grrr. why do i put up with him..he says im a bad driver..he wanted my help one night for a dj gig he had but then had the nerve to tell me that he didn't know if i could do it just cuz im a girl. what the hell...what kind of friend says that to another.
didn't go to school yesterday..bad weather, and then i went today to only one class so yeah you know that had to be fun shit. i gotta get tim his present for christmas...and yeah i wanna go out with heather this weekend..don't know if that's gonna happen though but whatever..im sure i can find something to do if the weather doesn't turn bad on me.
i got my car back...got to drive it for a few days..the snow came and then my dad told me that the battery is dead. i dont know what im gonna do...im gonna miss that car if i have to give it up :( that car holds so many of my memories and alot of them are the beginning of my friendship with heather...not to mention those many adventures with the girls!! i miss my girls!! i love you guys!!!
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| how can i get deported when im white?? |
[24 Jan 2004|11:52pm] |
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mood |
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 worried |
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Silverchair- Lie To Me |
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someone help me. i dont know where mark is...i don't know if he's ok or not and just ahhhh!!! i don't know what to think about it...i mean we didn't talk much since he left and i know he's busy but that never really mattered before cuz he would always make time to talk to me. i mean i don't know if i should think that cuz he said he promised that he won't go back on it and that something really did happen to him that it's the reason he won't answer his cell...or do i think that he is just being a douche cuz he read the text messages that i sent him. if it's the second reason he should have enough dignity to at least call me and let me know that he's alright...like i told my friend last night..if he's not in the hospital now then i understand..but if he's just being an asshole then i'll put him there myself. i know it's harsh but damn...at least gimme a good reason for why you're being that way. i think im gonna give up and see what happens....i just hope something does happen...i really like him..i just wish i knew that there was something left there and that this isn't ending over a reason that i don't have a clue on.
i send sean a text message last night cuz i needed his advice on what to do and such. he called me back...drunk off his ass..that's always an interesting turn of events. so needless to say he wasn't much help at all. haha that was one of the most interesting convos that i've ever had with him. he was telling me how he was on the couch at his friend's apt. and that they were playing video games and whatnot and i was like "god damn..if i was there i'd push you" and he got all weirded out and was like "oh don't push me!! i'll fall!!" im like calm down homie..he's so special sometimes haha. he callled me today and was like "did i call you last night?" yes.."oh fuck..what did i say?!" nothing don't worry about it...what would you have said that is so bad? "oh umm..i don't know?..." he's so dumb. lol...he asked how "my man" was doing and when i told him that he's mia and that i dont know if things will end up being ok between us...he didn't seem to heart broken for me. i don't know...i wish i knew what he thought sometimes.
aubrey slept over last night..fun times. "it's my life!!!" haha..you had to be there lol. fun shit yo..watched bruce almighty and the cable guy, gotta love jim carrey. i went to see along came polly with brenda this afternoon...then went to the cafe for a little...took her home then came home myself for about a half hour then went to get ice cream with kelly and section. after i took them home i came home for the night.
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| cleanup on isle 7 |
[22 Jan 2004|09:47pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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Story of the Year- Until the Day I Die |
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finally the week is over..it couldn't have come any sooner. i hate being this tired..i seem to be tired all the time..i can never get enough..it sucks. i haven't really talked to the boyfriend since sunday when he left..he's been busy..i understand that..i just miss him.
yes i like him. i like him alot. and he likes me alot too...and i just don't want this to turn into another dan or alex...bad times. i don't want to hurt him and end things with him for a long time. i have to wonder what he sees in me...i'll never know.
i have to find something to do this weekend. i just wanna go out and drive. i finally got my car, lola, back. yes i know im a loser cuz i named my car...fuck you..who are you to judge me!?!? haha. i dunno..i'll wait and see what happens.
i can't wait til this summer. me and heather are going up to jersey, getting a hotel room for a weekend, spending time on the beach and going to see warped tour. i think my parents wanna go on vacation again so that works lol. but i just wanna go somewhere different with a few friends and just go and have fun..no parents, no rules, nothing..just fun! we all need it hah. i wouldn't mind just taking a trip alone. i don't know where i'd go but i needd to go somewhere to get away from all this drama going on with my family...nothing seems to be improving with it and i know running from it won't make things better..but i need to run cuz i need to stop thinking/worrying about it. the sooner the better.
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| i stoled this from Patrick's journal... |
[20 Jan 2004|10:02pm] |
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Marilyn Manson- The Last Day on Earth |
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Last car ride: alone..to school this morning...with friends..probably aubrey and nikki past the rapers pink house
Last kiss: from Mark on Sunday
Last good cry: the other day
Last movie seen: in theaters- Big Fish at home-liar liar
Last book read: Pilgrim's Progress...english class
Last cuss word uttered: mother fucker
Last beverage drank: Sobe nirvana
Last food consumed: mandarin orange sorbet
Last crush: umm...mark
Last phone call: Sean
Last TV show watched: Mtv the Real World
Last time showered: this morning
Last shoes worn: my vans
Last CD played: Marilyn Manson- Mechanical Animals
Last item bought: bottle of moutain dew
Last downloaded: no clue
Last annoyance: aol being a bitch
Last disappointment: my car getting hit in the parking lot...>.<
Last soda drank: mountain dew
Last thing written: homework wise- astronomy personally-some poems
Last key used: a car key
Last words spoken: "i'm tired"
Last sleep: midnight to 11 am this morning
Last IMs: tim, john
Last ice cream eaten: ben and jerry's half baked
Last time amused: mike telling me that mark compliments me cuz he's a wigger and i think im black
Last time wanting to die: don't wanna talk about it
Last time hugged: Andrew at school
Last time resentful: hmm....no clue
Last chair sat in: my zebra shoe chair in my room while i did homework
Last lipstick used: that gold stuff that sparkles?
Last underwear worn: red zebra
Last time dancing: hmm...probably sometime when i was being dumb
Last poster looked at: one from spencers..i think the one about pot
Last web page visited: pat's journal that i stole this from :D
1 MINUTE AGO: heather im'd me
1 HOUR AGO: i was doing homework
1 DAY AGO: i was bitching about classes today
1 WEEK AGO: i took my car to the garage
1 YEAR AGO: i was a senior in high school
I HURT: more than i should
I LOVE: my friends
I HATE: homework
I FEAR: spiders
I HOPE: i do well this semester
I HIDE: my secrets
I DRIVE: my dad's car since mine is sick :(
I MISS: my gram and dan
I LEARNED: that poeple's opinions suck ass
I NEED: money
I THINK: about things too much
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| "you don't give yourself enough credit"..no i do'nt give myself any |
[18 Jan 2004|10:04pm] |
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complacent |
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Marilyn Manson- The Speed Of Pain |
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went out with mark yesterday..i have a bf! and a good one at that....i miss my friends..i haven't seen some of them in a while or hung out with them. it sucks..i hate this..i miss them!! haven't had any adventures lately....those are always amusing hah.
school's doing alright this semester..even though i've only made it through one week..but still..it's all good lol. it's good cuz i still get to see the friends that i made last semester..well at least the majority of them that is. um..lets see...randy (friend from english) proposed to his gf on new year's eve down in florida and she accepted....he showed me the ring...quite cute...i hope it works out for him. i don't think i could propose to someone that i haven't even been dating a year..but like he said "i know im meant to spend my life with her" how do u know when u found that person..? so far the only answer i've gotten to that question is..you just do. when you can't imagine your life going on without that person i guess. im amazed to see how long some couples actually last...i hope im one of them.
nothing new has really happened though...same situation with sean...but as of the past week it's been getting odd. even worse than usual. he doesn't seem to want to talk. i don't know what to think. i told him the one night that i was dating mark and such and he seemed ok...but right after i said it he's like "well..umm..i have to go so ill talk to u later bye" it's like....ok? i mean why does it seem like it bothers him when all he's ever told me is that there is nothing like that between us. >.< he's too confusing!!
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| you can't spell fun without a big F U!!!!!! |
[17 Dec 2003|08:26pm] |
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Marilyn Manson- Para Noir |
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i dont care if anyone comments in this thing anymore...i mean i should take it that it's for me not anyone else..for me to just vent all my anger out on and stuff. so let's start the venting.
the only good thing that has happened lately is that i'm done with finals. other than that im pissed off or depressed over everything. i hate everything and everything. im sick of being unhappy while the rest of the world smiles and i cry. i hate seeing everything continue while im still standing still. im sick of the fucking pity i get from everyone like they need to feel sorry about me. fuck that i don't need pity. im sick of being alone and no one giving a shit about me...seriously...what would happen if no one knew me...nothing would change..their lives would continue just like they are now without any second thoughts, and if u want to debate that go for it...im always up for a debate of the insignificance of my life. other than that i don't know what else to say besides i've never felt more alone and like shit in my life. i feel like no one cares anymore and im starting to think that they shouldn't. i hate feeling like this...i mean i should be happy..holiday's are here and im done with my first semester, and what am i, feeling lower than ever before. i just don't know anymore..i can't think, i can't do anything but cry. i cry over everything and it's getting to the point where i cry myself to sleep at night cuz i don't know what else to do. im not mad. im not sad. im alone and scared. even when im out with a friend, im alone..i feel like everything is done out of pity for me and i don't know why i keep thinking that when everyone says that i shouldn't think like that..no matter i still do. im sick of giving and not getting anything back. im tired of everything!!! damn it pisses me off...i don't know what else to say...im just scared right now...scared of everything.
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| just shoot the last star in the sky and leave me in complete darkness |
[12 Dec 2003|10:40am] |
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mood |
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bored |
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Story of the Year- In The Shadows |
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alright...again sorry for the long absense....been busy...last week of classes...final paper...finals next week...too much. let's see....i have my psychology final monday morning at 8 am :( but on the brighter side...i have a study date with scott (aww he's just yehh....) this weekend...go me..i got a number lol :P so im studying with him one day and then with diane some other time. then on monday night im studying with katie and some others at a coffee house (yes!! i get caffeine!) then tuesday night im going with katie and alot more to the same coffee house to study for history. wed. i have to go in before the final for history and then have an hour to study for the math one....ahhhhh way too much going on lol...umm..lets see....
me and sean got in a fight..i cried...and then he called me last night at 11.30 for almost an hour...grr i hate him sometimes....but yeah well..he's gonna be up in allentown area-macungie so he wants me to find him with his friend and i said no lol...but hey i am going down to reading to see him so yeah...he should just be happy..but of course its him and he's never satisfied ::sigh:: whatever... lots of studying to do..and shopping...grr i have to shop for toooo many people but it's all good ^.^
i cant' wait to have off...then i just get to sleep!!!!
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| survey from tim |
[06 Dec 2003|10:52pm] |
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complacent |
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From Autumn To Ashes- I'm the Best at Ruining My Life |
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not much of an update...but now you know im alive....barely
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. What makes you feel this way?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. What do you think my strength is?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?
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| zzzzzzzz |
[01 Dec 2003|01:50am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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Northstar-Is this thing loaded? |
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alright sorry i haven't written in like a week...yehh well...anyhoo...thankgiving break is over i have class tomorrow and have to get up in 4 hours. this vacation went by too fast...i got to spend time with my family which was nice cuz i haven't seen them since august. i got to go shopping...i got 2 people's x-mas presents done..and have too many more to go lol. i saw haunted mansion...too many spiders for me...anxiety..not good...went to the mall a few times, aubrey got to sleep over and today i hung out with kelly marguerite and allie after i got up at 2, helped my mom decorate for x-mas and worked on my paper for a bit. ill write more later..this is breif...gotta go finish talking to sean ^.^
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| should i spill my heart for you? |
[24 Nov 2003|12:15pm] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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music |
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Story of the Year- Anthem Of Our Dying Day |
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alright...my weekend is over..went by way to fast...but i have just 4 more classes between today and tomorrow then i'm done for the rest of the week for my "vacation"..i need this badly..i need the sleep...i feel like the walkind dead anymore. anyways..here's my weekend
friday-picked up heather after my classes..went back to my house and she made me all girly and preppy like by doing my makeup and curling my hair...then she went with me while i picked up flowers for section, marguerite, and jamie for opening night for the show. so we went there to see them for a bit...and bill ran around chasing people with a pitchfork...and yelling that he was indeed satan...yeah..it's bill...after that we met up with aubrey, mike, and amber at the movies to see gothika..i liked it....i dont' think everyone did though...but when the people jumped out..and the people screamed..i laughed..i found enjoyment out of it...after the movie me and heather went to the cafe for a while and after waiting an hour for the rest of our order, we decided to go to giant and back to my house...we started watching goldmember and ended up falling asleep within about 45 mins...i know it's sad lol
saturday-got up, heather did my hair, makeup and wardrobe again and drove with me to jersey to pick up my cousin tim...then i took heather home, met up with aubrey and mike for a little, then me and tim went to the mall...where aubrey's sister saw us and now thinks that me and tim are dating :P that's kinda gross...but it's funny believe me...after the mall...we picked up section and went to the cafe and met up with aubrey and mike again, and then me and tim took section to the play again then i took tim home, stayed there for a few mins, and came home and crashed out later...
sunday-i had all intentions of doing nothing..spending the day in pj's and a hoodie....that didn't happen...i got bored for once...so i ended up getting up and going to see the show and met up with kelly and matt....after the show, me kelly and marguerite went to allie's house then home...and that's my weekend...wednesday im supposed to go see the cat in the hat with brenda, beckie, and maybe stephen...i have to ask matt out today too...good greif!
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| and as the fragments of my skull begin to fall... |
[11 Nov 2003|02:03pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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My Chemical Romance- Headlights To Halos |
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i just found out last night that my uncle that has cancer was in the hospital this weekend because something happened to him...he starts his chemo treatments this week and they changed his life expectancy from a few years to only a few months. i don't know what im going to do...i can't lose someone else in my family..hell im not over my grandmother dying and that was like 2 years ago. this is the uncle that always was proud of me and always was amazed at how much i took on in my life...and was the one that was overly excited at the thought of me going to penn state..not at the idea of me getting into college cuz he knew i would but the fact that i chose penn state as the one that i wanted to go to..he eat, sleeps, breathes for penn state...and people wonder why i don't go to church anymore and find it hard for me to believe in anything...if god is so giving and caring why is he taking away the people that mean alot to me...leaving me here thinking that i should be the one to go and not them?
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| so just tell me nothings wrong then get undressed and spend the night |
[09 Nov 2003|12:44pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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AFI- The Great Disappointment |
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sunday is here and i am doing nothing!!! whooo!!! alright this weekend was interesting..but fun
friday i went to the mall to pick up kelly then we went to the movies to see runaway jury with aubrey, mike, nikki, and jay. that movie was funny "HEY! don't do that!!" hehe yeah me and kelly found it overly amusing which is always fun ^.^ that was about it though...i was just happy that i got to see kelly and aubrey again..i missed them greatly..and me and aubrey have a date to go see elf!! "i know him i know him" i can't wait
saturday i went to a baby shower thing with my mom..oh the fun...and the person it was for was over an hour late so my mom decided to leave at 3.30...me and kelly went out later...dorve around for something to do with minimal money...went to this store and got 3 lip gloss things in a zebra printed metal urse thing....very sexy...and after that went to the italian restaurant near by and got cappacinos and a coffee ice cream dessert thingy i dunno we couldn't pronounce it....kelly got hit on by some old fat italian guy and our waiter had a vagina for a chin...lol and i met carlo...yeah...it was...interesting or not i dunno...didn't talk to much..but what an ass ^.~ then i turned around haha kelly knows what im talking about..then we just went driving and ended up in south side and got scared by these 3 guys or girls (we didn't know what they were..) but yeah...we drove like scared little white girls...alright that's about it though
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| 1...2...damn |
[05 Nov 2003|09:58am] |
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mood |
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ditzy |
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music |
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AFI- Death of Seasons |
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haha yeah i'm watching people play ping pong in the student lounge....and other people watching the matrix 2 on the tv..yeah and here i am updating in my non existant life. OoOoOoOo and now people fussball (sp?) hahaa you're at a disadvantage cuz ur black...and i'm going to win cuz im chinese and they have lightning quick reflexes...shit!! hehe entertainment at it's finest...haha....gotta love maturity..."gotta lick it before you kick it" "you gotta lick it before you stick it too..the key to a good porno" this is what im listening......alright now they went to play ping pong...alright yeah...so now for my update...
nothing has really happened....my english class got canceled so i went to see aubrey for a bit since they had a half day...after that i went home and heather came over and we ended up going to the mall for a bit..i got a sexy ass hat yo...it's one of those old fashion paper boy hats and it's black and white checkered hehe ^.^ i think it's cute but heather said that i looked stupid so i was like FU!! im buying it lol...and hey it matches my scarf that i bought in new york.
the matrix 2....yeah i remember watching some of this at amber's house when i slept over the first time and i sat on the floor with michael and jason and i kept asking where will smith was cuz i thought it was men in black (the fight scene on the playground for those who have seen it) anyways....i have to start writing my english paper...it's on the influence of music in relation to the columbine incident. go me...(no i haven't talked to matt yet...im scared too...) hehe
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| and everything is making perfect sense |
[03 Nov 2003|10:10am] |
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mood |
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moody |
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music |
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From Autumn To Ashes- The Fiction We Live |
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no it's not.....i don't know...jason left...i should be happy...but im miserable..i miss him and i dont' want to be i want to hate him.....i dont know anymore...katie wants me to tell matt (history class people) that i kinda like him and i said no..too much pressure people!! i can't do it..and he doesnt' look like he's into dating or anything right now and katie just said that if i told him then maybe things would change.......ahhh i don't think so....haha..fucking jason..such an asshole.....
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| uhhh |
[01 Nov 2003|09:17am] |
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mood |
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giggly |
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music |
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From Autumn to Ashes-I'm The Best At Ruining My Life |
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haha yeah im tired...i slept at amber's house last night....yeah
i took this quiz...it humored me greatly...check it out
Guys Like That You're Charming
You're the girl most guys can't get out of their heads
Even if they met you on a bad hair day :-)
You just seem to "click" with everyone you meet
So even if a guy forgets about you for a second... his friends haven't!
What Do Guys Like About You? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.
have fun hunnies
*if anything exciting happens i will write more about it later*
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| why not just spit on my face? |
[31 Oct 2003|05:28pm] |
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mood |
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From Autumn To Ashes- Autumns Monologue |
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alright sorry i haven't updated in a while....too much shizz going on and yeah. well..lets see..aubrey and mike (so cute) yeah..hehe im happy for them. matt came home to visit kelly..it was nice getting to see him again..i miss him..yes kelly! i really miss him haha and not to make fun of. i went to the game last friday with aubrey mike and justin...moving on..yeah...aubrey slept over it was hott like it always is hehe.
my parents got the cell phone bill yesterday....my phone ran up $80..so now im not allowed to go anywhere this weekend or next....and amber wanted me to sleep over her house tonight and go to the movies with her tomorrow.....well im allowed to go to the movies but tonight is halloween...i wnat to go out and dress up and do all that dumb stuff...but i cant go....i even got invited to go to a college party.. my first fucking college party and i can't go...i mean what the hell yes honestly i was going to probably going to get drunk but i was going to be smart and have someone with me and amber said i could crash at her place no matter what...but i fucking can't..this sucks so much..im sick of this life that i have....i mean let's all guess how old i am...18!! but i guess that doesn't matter...i seem to be writing about this alot...it's kinda sad....this is more or less the major downfall in my life..minus the single thing..but that's different...i hate it so much anymore..i hate crying over something thta shouldn't even be happening to me...no one else goes through this shit so why should i? whatever....looks like a fun night of doing nothing but being locked up in my room moping about how pathetic i am.
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| you say that im a dreamer i say you're a non believer |
[21 Oct 2003|08:59pm] |
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Marillyn Manson- Golden Age of Grotesque |
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ahh alright tons to say...not really..my parents allowed me to sleep over at amber's house last thursday night..it was interesting..i ended up sleeping in bed with jason..*hides* it was nice...i forgot what it was like to wake up with a guy haha not to sound like skanky or anything...just like that whole bf.. protection type thing going on. friday i went to the mall with aubrey and kelly to meet mike and his friend jay..went to the cafe after that..yeah moving on....
saturday went to see texas chainsaw massacre with a bunch of people **fatality!! whoo** aubrey and mike are going out <3 yay!!
sunday i did the parade and got paid THIANKS AUBREY FOR THE BEANIE!!! so yeah..then i've been going to my classes...and i went to amber's today..she went to work and i stayed at her house with jason for a bit and got home around 6 and that's it
tomorrow im going with mike to get hair dye and yeah...i dunno...im tired...weee...bed...zzzzzz
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| when does one become an adult? |
[14 Oct 2003|09:41pm] |
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Jack Off Jill-Make You Believe |
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i'm 18 and i feel like im 12. nothing makes me happy. im miserable...my parents don't help me. amber asked me to sleep over tonight...worked out good...we both have the same class at the same time in the same place, and we're both tired from school...downfall? guess so...even though im 18..i still have to ask for permission to go everywhere like a little kid. last year i slept at heather's house during the week...and there was no problem...but now im not responsible as they told me. and because i run around on the weekends im a bad person? i go out on the weekends cuz this is the only time i have to see my friends that are still in high school. i dont think that's too much to ask...i work my ass off during the week with my classes and i do all my work when i get home right away and when im done i do go online to talk to people that i dont have the opportunity to see as much as i would like. i don't go out during the week because i have homework, or im just too tired to do anything. this one time i ask to do something during the week, and i can't go. i didn't understand so i went to my parents in a mature fashion since i want to be considered an adult...yea right...that didn't work...my mom was too busy watching tv to actually give a shit about it...and my dad just sat there and agreed with her...making me look insane..so what else could i do...i cried...like normal. i talked to aubrey, amber, jason, and mike about it for a little. i think the general concencus was to sneak out and just go..im 18...stand up for myself. besides that im overcome with fear of what would happen if i would do that..the plan would be great. but of course im stuck here. in my room. crying. not talking to my parents, them not talking to me. you know i would like to know why they're the one's that yell at me and i cry and yet they go in their room and hide. so that's what i'll be doing...being in my room, not talking..making them feel like shit..it's always the same thing everytime. i hope mike brings me a present tomorrow...he said he would...
as soon as i get a hold of $50 im getting my tongue pierced..im 18 and can't be told to take it out....well they can tell me but it's not going to happen.
*thank you aubrey for doing my journal i LOVE it*
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