Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Daniela's Blurty:

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Friday, February 13th, 2004
11:01 am	I am so bad at being independant. I put all other women to shame. I can't do a damn thing for myself. I just add something to my list of things to do and then stress about it for weeks until someone holds my hand through the task. For example, I misplaced my OSAP loan form somewhere in my apartment a couple months ago. Instead of immediately saying "Oh ok, I lost it, I'll go apply for another." I said, "Oh, I'll look for it tomorrow." Which never happened. So the two times I actually did look for it and almost die of fright I didn't do the responsible thing of going to the Student Loan office and talking to a woman there who knows me by my first name and is friends with my older sister. Ya, that's the other thing. When I finally DID go to get it replaced, that woman helped me and smiled the whole time. And my best friend Kerry was in the room with me. I swear, if I ever have to undergo some sort of medical procedure or hear some life altering news, I'll have Kerry sitting next to me. And today I'm going on this trip to Guelph (which is 2 hours West of Toronto where I live for all you people who have no idea what I'm talking about) to see my friend Lio and I'm absolutely petrified of taking the bus by myself. Just because I have to take the regular everyday bus to the subway, the subway to the big bus terminal, and then the bus itself possibly having to transfer. And... my shower isn't working. So I can't leave until I wash my hair. So essentially I'm a big whiney baby that doesn't deserve to go anywhere. Meh. I'll probably get screwed over today and just go tomorrow with John. That's right. "The Big Strong Male" type guy who will protect me from old chinese women and guys who sell bus tickets at that strange little corner store. *rolls eyes* I HAVE to stop being so dependant on others. (Comment on this)
Monday, January 19th, 2004
7:33 pm	My dream. I was just thinking today about how wicked awesome it would be to introduce myself as a writer. Like be wearing all black with a leather jacket and hot red lipstick and say "Hello, my name is Daniela Slivaric. Maybe you've heard of my book [insert awesome title of a hot number one seller here]. Yes, I am a writer." That would be so smug. But so great. And I'm halfway there. The other day, the contents of my purse was this: a pack of cigarettes, vaseline, and a small bottle of vodka. That's angst right there. I've gone as far as to add a small notebook with a pen too cause that seems more appropriate. And I took the bottle out because...well, I don't want to gain a name for myself here. Well not that of an alcoholic yet. Oh, and I think I'm going to get an ulcer. Between all the coke I drink and the little time spent with my mother, I'm on my way. Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: 311 - I'll Be Here Awhile (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 5th, 2004
12:09 am	What’s the polar opposite of revoked? Cause that’s what my driving privileges are. My mom let me drive us to the movies to see Mona Lisa Smile. (It had terrible reviews on RottenTomatoes.com but I enjoyed it for what it was). So I spent the evening with my mom, something I haven’t done in a long long time. And it wasn’t the best night for it I suppose, I was in what she called a “nostalgic” mood. Just very quiet and with all appearances of being sad. I’m not sad. I’m introspective. *pouts* It’s so much more classy. Classes resume tomorrow. I’m a little nervous about the fact that I don’t know where and when my French class is. That’s not good. And I can’t find out online because I’m somewhat internetly challenged. On the bright side, Chrissy got me a brand spanking new notebook for me to write my thoughts, jokes, and tantalizing story ideas in. It’s even more perfect than the last one I had. This one has an elastic to keep it closed, and is black and white, subtle yet deco. Cool. I think I’ll record song lyrics I like too. “Protect me from what I want, Protect me from what I want, Protect me from what I want, Protect me, protect me…” ~Placebo Awesome. Current Mood: nostalgic (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 31st, 2003
1:04 am	God bless the rule that you have to have the correct date on your computer in order to post. Because otherwise, I would have to dig myself out of a hole. HATE doing that. No angst in this journal baby. So tonight is New Years Eve. Well, technically cause I haven't gone to bed yet, so 1am makes it that day. And I still am not exactly sure where I'm going, who I'm going with, or how I'm getting there. It sucks. Royally. But I'm glad I've been invited places at least. I suspect it's because I'm brining my hot female friend with me wherever that will turn out being. Will the evening be a bust? Will I get so drunk I'm going to not remember it anyway? Will I do something stupid? Will I fight with people? Will I regret the locale? Who cares? (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 6th, 2003
7:14 pm	I've run out of websites to look at. Does that mean I have to stop procrastinating and get around to studying for my midterm that's this wednesday that I'm determined to get at least a B on? Don't answer that. I just remembered I have music to download. God bless a two two hour trips out, and then back into the city, spaced two hours apart. Wow. I'd hate to have to understand that sentence. Thank God I'm not you. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
11:26 pm	My body is very exhausted. I have trouble falling asleep at night, and then I sleep in till early afternoon, then I get stressed cause I waste the whole day doing nothing. Grr. The past couple of days have been really good because Sheila (Dom's gf) came home from college and really really cheered me up. This girl is amazing. She can make me laugh like no one else. The things she comes up with are absolutely hilarious. We went to DQ together and had some ice cream and talked. We relate to each other really well for some reason. And though I don't normally like many girls, this one I love. Oooh, and last week I went to the movies with Laura to see Love Actually (Hugh Grant plus many other hot guys), and that put a smile on my face. I was so HAPPY. She makes me smile too. I remember being so so excited after a long time of being really unhappy. Right so everything is good. Me = happy. Except today I found out that my dad and his wife put my 12 year old sister Amy on a diet that sounds like it could royally fuck up her body. It's quite upsetting. That piled on top of the seething resentment I have boiling up against my family already isn't good. And school was a huge stress but it's almost over thank god. I'm studying with Laura on Monday. I hope it will be good for the both of us. Had dinner with my French Class last night. Sat next to my prof. I told him my philosophy about school. I don't think he was impressed. I believe his reaction was "Well you're what? A B student now? If you want a career in the field you're studying in then you should try to get at least a couple A's" and he said it in a really smirky tone. You know the way. And I respect him for being such an asshole and not feeling any regrets. Not many people care to put that kind of time and effort into it anymore. Current Mood: discontent Current Music: You're All I Need, Pilate (Comment on this)
Friday, November 28th, 2003
6:10 pm	I'm the laziest mofo I've ever met. I woke up today around 4pm and haven't done anything even slightly productive besides kind of clean my room. But not really. And now Dominic is coming over and I haven't even showered yet. Eep. Must. Put. Pants. On. (Comment on this)
Monday, November 24th, 2003
2:47 pm	I was so tired yesterday. I woke up around five or six, and Amy (my little sister) had stayed over, so I woke her up around 7:30am because I was bored. We talked for a bit, and then I told her about my new apple shampoo and we both got all hyper and were fighting over who would get to use it first. In a perfectly good natured way. It was awesome. Sometimes I really miss the fact that I never had a sibling to live with. It would be nice to have them around... establish a closer relationship. I remember feeling very intimidated by my sister for my entire life. Up until this summer...and even now I sometimes find it hard to talk to her, just because I feel like we don't know each other that well. With Amy it's different. Maybe it's because I'm the older one, or maybe it's because we've spent more time together when we were younger... but I feel like we relate more to one another. She and I adopted Dominic as our brother. His new name shall be Brato (like "Bro" in Croatian). But I won't ever actually call him that because I've gotten so used to "Dom". Hurray for monosyllabic nicknames. There's so much love between the three of us that is so much fun cause we all know that deep down all there is is resentment. And hate. (If you're reading this Dominic...I was kidding.) I went to see Master and Commander and blah blah blah whatever the whole title is with John, and his sister Bernadette, and their brother Joseph, and their sister Theresa, and their Mexican (I know his name, but he refers to himself as "Mexican" so why should I make him feel like he's an individual? I love that kid.) and also, their dad. It was wicked. I sat between Bernadette and John, so I naturally spent the whole time explaining the jokes to John, and then the plot to Bernadette. And Bern (one syllable) leaned over and whispered "That guy's kind of good looking." and I felt all happy that she was a girl and I could whisper things like that to her without having the person listening roll their eyes. And I was also happy that I could whisper how the movie would have been different if I had written it with John. Oh man... we came up with the best plot ever. About midway through the film, it would have turned into a monster movie featuring monster iguanas that they would bring aboard the ship thinking they had made a great scientific discovery...little did they know that the discovery was that these iguanas ate meat. MAN meat. And they would turn on them, and eat them all. Then they would come up with a plan to throw the iguanas overboard, but there's another plot twist! The iguanas can swim! And they sink the ship and everyone dies. They drown while being eaten. Well, I didn't describe all that to John but it's just a colourful example. *sighs* So good. Then I went to their house and chilled with everyone for a bit. I love the kids. They're all so cool. And they're all nice to me. And ... *sniffs* it's nice to feel loved. And I saw Sheila! (Dom's gf) I LOVE Sheila. And she gave me a newspaper clipping that made me laugh. "Signs You Are An Elitist" I tacked it up to my board in my room. i don't tack anything up. But she's special. And I don't use the number 7, because it's gauche. I went to bed at 11pm and woke up at 10am. Then I did stuff for a while and took a one hour nap. I'm still tired. I think I have tired disease. Like Mono but not. Current Mood: busy Current Music: Faded, Soul Decision (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 22nd, 2003
1:46 pm	This morning I woke up crazy early because I had been drinking (it's this thing I do. I guess I get thirsty and NEED water...) and I couldn't get back to sleep. So I just got up and read some fanfiction. Around 8:30am I left my room cause my mom was up whereupon I was once again told that she suspects that Dominic and I are sleeping together. Apparently when she came home and I was standing by the mirror putting earrings on and he was in the OTHER ROOM she thought that was looked like we had been doing something. I looked at her like "...wha?" and she said "Were you putting your clothes back on?" .... No. No mom, I'm not sleeping with my ex-boyfriend who comes from an extremely close and religious family's older brother who has a girlfriend that he's crazy about at university. *shakes head in disgust* Anyway, she's taking these Saturday math courses that will help her complete enough credits that will get her a degree or something. And she didn't have a scientific calculator up until this morning, and she didn't know how to use the "power of" button. I was tired and wanted to go to bed but she wanted me to help. Daniela: Can I go now? Mom: No. D: Why do you need my help in order to to this? You're a grown woman! You should know how to use a VCR, a remote control, and a calculator. M: Well I don't. That's why I had you. D: You gave birth to someone just so you could keep in touch with reality?! M: Oh yes I did! And then I looked at her like "WHAT?!" and we both started laughing. Then after several long minutes of staring at the calculator I manged to crack the code. Yes, it was the most obvious button that did the trick. I'm so embarrassed of my complete ineptness that comes to do with anything mathematic. Current Mood: tired Current Music: You Make Me Wanna, Usher (Comment on this)
1:21 am	What was my Friday night like? Well... Dominic came over and we went to my little sister Amy's place to help her with math (fractions to be exact). There was this one question in particular that stands out. It takes Jim 3/4 of an hour to walk to school, and 1/3 of that time to ride his bike. Obviously that's 45 minutes walking and 15 minutes by bike. We knew that off the top of our heads. Then it came the time to write it out. When she got to 180/4 we were like "ok, now how many times does 4 go into 180..." and we were literally sitting there for five minutes until we found a calculator (in Dominic's pocket) and said "ok, it says it's 45..." then we looked at each other and laughed at ourselves for several minutes straight. We're such utter morons. Later, we walked to Blockbuster and rented Harvard Man because Sarah Michelle Gellar is in it, as well as the guy from Drive Me Crazy. Love them both. The movie turned out to be the guy tripping on 1500 micograms of acid. Not the worst movie I've ever seen, but that's not saying much cause I've seen a lot of REALLY bad movies. After the movie was done we called John and were going to go out for coffee. Before we went out I took three shots of vodka in five minutes. I didn't really feel it until we ended up going to a bar and I had a beer on top of them. Bobby joined us (the guy from a coffe shop John frequents rather often). He ended up asking me out for my birthday (that I told him passed by a few weeks ago). He acted all offended that I didn't invite him to my party and told me he'd take me out for some cake and a beer. I said alright...and 15 minutes later he tried to subtley ask me when that would be... it was awesome. I felt like the ultra cool girl. I was all "oh you know, I'm busy" which I am... I don't know if I should take him up on it. When we were leaving he was trying to get someone to go drinking with him. He asked Dom and John first and then me, and I declined (as did the guys) and as soon as he was out of earshot John was like *sarcastically* "Wow, Bobby really wanted you and me to go drinking with him" to Dominic and I laughed. And told him that I had a date with Bobby. So John's jealous. Especially since I smoked a cigarette with Bobby. Meh. Whatever man. I'm tired of trying to please John with the whole not smoking bit. I've proven to myself that I don't need a smoke. So I had a couple cigarettes while I was drinking. That doesn't mean I'm addicted. It means I smoke when I drink. I've proven to myself that I can go without it and that's the important thing. And I'm NOT trying to justify my actions damnit. I'm still buzzed. I really want to call my older sister and tell her that Bobby asked me out. She'll probably shit herself. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 20th, 2003
4:02 pm	I had my sociology exam today and I don't think I completely failed it, so I'm happy. Ah, how easily pleased we with low standards are. Mere Christianity is FINISHED. I'm done! And it actually had "the end" at the end, so I felt extra satisfied. Except for the fact that I sort of didn't catch the last part. I need to reread that book. The majority of it was read on the bus, and walking from bus to subway, vice versa. Plus John said I could highlight *gets a highlighter happy glean in her eye* but I won't. I still feel like it's desecration to mark up a book. Maybe I'll use a pencil... My T.A. Jason thinks I'm a dumbass. He probably thought I had potential at the beginning of the year, but by now has lost all hope. I try to impress him. I try to make insightful comments during discussion, I try to ask good questions, I try to make jokes when he's not in the teaching environment. But I fail. I stumble on my words, I blush, I forget what my point was, I don't wear my glasses so that when he's 50 feet away from me and making hand gestures regarding the girl sitting next to me I don't understand so I make faces that are probably very unattractive and then he has to walk over to talk to us. *sigh* I'm so ashamed of myself. I started reading a book by Thomas Moore. No, not THAT guy. This guy is still alive and kicking. It's called "The Soul of Sex". He used to be a monk in a Catholic religious order and has various degrees in theology, musicology, and philosophy. It was in the psychology section. And by that I do mean it was in the "On Sale" bin at the front of a second rate book store. I picked it up for three reasons: 1. It seemed religiousy 2. It was about sex 3. It was $4.99 Not that I would buy just any book that was about sex. I got this specifically because it was a religiousy book about sex. I'm thinking about changing the focus of my deviant behaviour essay from sadomasochism, to extra marital sex. (I'll tweak it out..just not now) As it turns out, this book isn't very religious at all. It talks alot about spirituality, but it isn't the sort of thing I was expecting. I was expecting a more christian perspective, but from what I've gathered so far, this author has totally sold out in order to be mass appealing and to "justify" his religious standing. I'll quote the part that seemed interesting. "Although I was brought up in a thoroughly Catholic environment, which is well known to be prudish and reticent about sexual matters, I deeply appreciate the erotic life..." This isn't all that got to me, although it does insinuate that Catholics breed a type of distaste for sexual mattes, a belief I have held personally for many years, and am currently working to break away from. All of his references to the spiritual so far have been Pagan. It's interesting... I'd like to see where he goes with this...I just don't actually want to do the reading. Maybe this isn't the right book to be reading right after two doses of C.S. Lewis. I should work my way back into the world of psychological touchy feely bullshit slowly. Oh ya, he refers to himself as a psychotherapist. Here's a warning to everyone out there: ANYONE can call themselves a psychotherapist. It means jack shit. They are not a qualified professional. That was unrelated. I just wanted you to know not to go to someone's basement and divulge your presonal life to them just cause they have a sign in the window saying "The psychotherapist is in". But you know I won't give up. I'll finish the book (who knows, it might be a good resource for my essay), and let you know what I think of it in the end. After all, I think it's unfair to judge something by the first two chapters alone. Current Mood: relieved (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
11:17 pm	I mentioned earlier that I was in a funk. I certainly was. For a while there I was sure that I was going through one of this life changing times when you re-evaluate your beliefs and try and change yourself to be more like your ideals. Then I decided that my mood swings happened around the time when women would normally experience PMS, so I’ve switched it to think that instead of getting cramps, two weeks before my period or so, I become very sad. And according to the internet (all knowing as it is) it disappears when your period comes. Well I’ve convinced myself that that should be today (even though it isn’t) and I feel happy! Now… I realize that everything is in my head and I am incredibly messed up with the way I let myself get. But whatever. Right. I’m probably happy because I have the Britney Spears CD. And also because of the fact that for the first time in over a week I woke up from a dream. Not a nightmare that disturbed me. That was kind of nice. Even though I couldn’t fall asleep for hours after going to bed. I had to get up for school but my mind wouldn’t stop working. And I think I also got all riled up cause of the online debate I had with John about the effects of pornography on men. Ooh, I’m reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, and he used the word “maunder” in a sentence. Well actually it was “maundering” but that’s the same thing. Anyway, I was so happy because that was my word of the week in like grade 10 that I had randomly picked out of the dictionary and I’ve never seen anyone (aside from my own pathetic attempts) use it. And he did it so well. Ya ya, I know...I need a life. Current Mood: geeky Current Music: Britney Spears- Breathe On Me (1 Comment |Comment on this)
4:08 pm	In The Zone Starting this Thursday, I have a Sociology exam that is the catalyist in a ridiculous number of academic crap. But today is Tuesday November 18th. You know what that means right? It’s the day I’ve been looking forward to for weeks. Nay, MONTHS. Today a great thing happened. Today, the new Britney Spears album was released. And I am now the proud owner of it. And by proud I mean I blushed furiously when I was paying for it. I want to talk about Britney and her new CD in depth. I don’t want people thinking that I’m a foolish, impressionalbe, teeny bopper with no taste in music. I don’t think that’s so. I have varying tastes, though I confess I may be somewhat foolish and impresionable. But that’s unrelated damnit! Alas, I have a tutorial I must get to lest I be late. Current Mood: busy Current Music: Me Against The Music - Britney Spears (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 15th, 2003
6:14 pm	Last night I went to a party at my friend Mike's. I was TOLD it was going to be a party anyway. When I got there with Kerry it turned out to be three boys and two girls sitting on the couch. The boys were playing 007 on N64 and the girls were *shudders* WATCHING. It disgusted me. I almost threw up right there. It was so disapointing. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE video games. I love playing them. I don't even mind watching others play them. But when I'm mislead into thinking that there's a party, I don't want them to be involved. Note: I'm in first year university now. Studying psych/socio/and french. I really shouldn't be going to highschool parties and be expecting a lot. So Kerry sat down and I could see that she wanted to kill herself by her face. At one point Alex (who was at my birthday party...and was now with his gf who was radiating waves of hate towards me) said "So, how is everyone doing?" and everyone lamely said "fine" and I said "Well, at this point, I could use one of those guns." and no one got it except for Kerry. God bless her soul. I turned to the girl sitting next to me and had the following conversation. ME: Do you know me? HER: ... No. M: Hi. I'm Daniela. Mike's a jerk. H: I'm Steph. Yes. He is. Mike: Hey! How am I a jerk? M: You're a filthy liar. I was told this was going to be a party. Mike: Who called it that? M+Steph: YOU DID! Mike: Oh ya. I had a couple of shots, and a conversation with Mike's dad. He's a nice man. He remembered me and I felt all glowly and special. Shortly thereafter, Kerry and I left to go see a movie. On the drive over we listened/sang to the Spice Girls and laughed and laughed about randomness. I had a great time. We say "Mystic River" starring Sean Penn, Kevin Bacon, and some other people. Man, it was pretty damn good. The acting was very very good. Especially Sean Penn. He blew me away. I really respect him. And he's completely ripped in that movie. Like I'm talking HUGE arms. *drools* Though it might sound creepy at first, an attraction to him is NOT a deviations. See the movie. You'll understand. Oh right, and aside from the sexiness, it's actually a great film. Simple enough story..murder mystery..but it keeps you interested. Go Clint Eastwood. You direct those movies! I mentioned before that I've been in a funk, which is true. That's why I'm going to hang out with my sisters for a bit tonight. I need a change of pace. Someone to talk to. I'm really looking forward to it. Current Mood: listless Current Music: Limp Bizkit - Eat You Alive (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 11th, 2003
12:57 am	I was telling my dad today in the car about how my mom was mad at me ALL weekend. She's been yelling constantly about how I'm lazy, and she does everything, and I take advantage of her, and she has no time, and I'm practically living in a boarding house/hotel. I told her "If I was living in a hotel, my room wouldn't be so disgusintly dirty!" She didn't appreciate the joke. So my dad's advice was as follows. Dad: Just decide together about what your jobs are at stick to them. Like me and Amy (my younger sister). We do everything around the house. She makes the mess, and I clean it up. Those are our jobs. I love my dad. He's hilarious. (Comment on this)
Monday, November 10th, 2003
1:30 am	Happy Freaking Birthday To Me I’m in a funk. It’s probably self-imposed which is annoying as hell. But still. After planning how badly my birthday party would be for a week, I had it, and it turned out to be pretty decent. I think the people were all having a nice time. Then I got completely bombed out of my mind and left my own party so to speak. I have female friends who are angels and I have been totally ungrateful of in the past. Maja, Kerry, Julia, and whomever else helped drag/carry/wipe down/change/supply water/other gross things…. It was 10:30 for goodness sakes and I was passed out in bed. But not before breaking my pact to not smoke for a month. I was so upset. Apparently I was on the balcony weeping. Bawling my eyes out because Chris wouldn’t give me a smoke. And for half an hour they were trying to decide what to do, and they finally caved. I hate myself. And I’m looking at photos and being stupid. Just being all moony eyed and girlish. Wah wah wah, I’m lonely. Cry me a river Daniela. So the poor 18 year old girl doesn’t have a boyfriend. What a pathetic tragedy. Please. Bu it’s not about not having a boyfriend. It’s about having various personality defects that prevent me from being human. I’ll post more about this weekend when I’m in a better mood. There were a million highlights. (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 6th, 2003
1:10 am	My aunt depressed me horribly tonight by making me feel like all I am to my male friends is an unending source of masturbatory fantasies. That really sucks considering I spend almost all of my time with guys rather than girls. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
11:04 pm	John drove me to school tonight. We had a great time. Listened to some chill music, got chinese food, talked and laughed a lot. While I was eating he was talking to me about a movie he saw last night after coming home from my place. J: Who's that guy from Star Trek? The bald guy? D: The actor or the character? J: We'll stick with the character...oooh! Cpt. Piccard. (forgive my horrendous spelling) D: Ok. J: Well it was a movie about AIDs, and he was this gay guy, and it was really really disturbing. D: Ok. J: Like here's cpt. Picard (?) who's the epitome of all that is manly, suddenly with a lisp, and a long light jacket, and with the wrist action. It's just not right. And I laughed because he talked about the long light jacket. The important thing is, I misquoted that conversation terribly. Such is the story of my life. (Comment on this)
Monday, November 3rd, 2003
12:46 am	During moments of extreme optimism I believe in Santa Clause. It’s a nice little idea. I mean, think of it, a fat old guy who loves children, coming into their homes in the middle of the night. Damn society for tainting my perspective on the most innocent of all things. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 2nd, 2003
11:42 pm	Day Two *clears throat* So guess what. I haven't exactly been the diligent student I planned to be. Though I did actually get through almost a chapter of sociology which is pretty respectable. I can finish the last bit tomorrow and be almost on track. Amy and Taz came over. So I took them to the movies. They were all upset that they couldn't get in to see Scary Movie 3 with their friends last week so they were making a huge fuss about ID's and this and that. I was like "Guys...relax. I've been in BARS without getting carded. I think I can get you into a movie that's rated 14A" So I did. And they loved the blasted thing even though most of the jokes went right over their heads. When I got home I was immediately struck by the fact that it was only 7:30pm and I NEEDED to go out, and I was craving a good frothy hot beverage. So I got ahold of Dominic who had been out of town all weekend and made him take me to coffee. We had a nice time. We didn't stay out long, only for about an hour and a half but we talked. Nice bonding experience. We discovered that he loves his sister-in-law to be more than me. But then again I think we both knew that all along deep deep down. And in other news, I still haven't smoked. Good for me. I did think to myself once more "I would like a cigarette right now" but all in all, the smelling nice for a change is a nice...well, change. I just might stick with it. (Comment on this)