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Thursday, November 13th, 2003

(1 bruise | fall in love)

Subject:I Feel Special
Time:11:09 pm.
Mood: bouncy.
Music:Debbie - Sugarcult.
If you were Sugarcult song lyrics, you'd be
Rebellious ones! If Tim were pissed off at
something, he'd fling you like a bag of poo out
to the masses. And if I were to tell you that
you seem sort of brash and opinionated, your
response would probably be: "Fuck
off" or "Fuck you." Correct? But
all the world loves a rebel, so why don't you
just go fuck yourself, you fuckin' fucky fuck.
Yeah, you heard me. Just because you don't like
the way things are right now, or you think that
they'll never get any better isn't a reason to
take it out on me! That's what your guitar is
for, fucktard. Besides, you're probably just
really insecure on the inside, and want to get
away from all the stupidity of the world.
Actually, that's not a bad fuckin' idea. Rawk

What Type Of Sugarcult Song Lyrics Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're Tim Pagnotta! You've got an affinity for
swearing and freaking people out with your
offbeat humour. But hey, as long as you laugh,
that's all that matters.

Which member of Sugarcult are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're Tim Pagnotta!
Oh woo. You sing and play guitar. Oh and it's true!
Some girl with jacked up teeth that lives in
Vallejo wants to have your babies. Yeahhh....

Who's your inner Sugarcult member?
brought to you by Quizilla

"Bouncing Off the Walls Again"-

Which Sugarcult song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

FUCK YEAH! I suppose that makes Bouncing off the Walls Again my OFFICIAL theme song...Sarah said it was and Nathan said it was and now this QUIZ says it is...coolness...

Tuesday, November 11th, 2003

(5 bruises | fall in love)

Subject:Bouncing off the walls...again
Time:1:00 am.
Music:Bouncing off the Walls- Sugarcult.
I'm back from my exile into the world of NO INTERNET!

I have AOL screen name is SugarDoom87...K?

hmmm...I heart Sugarcult....saw them in concert....fallen in love...*glomps Tim plushie

*runs off in search of Sugary goodness...finds Sugarcult CD and dies*

Friday, September 19th, 2003

(27 bruises | fall in love)

Subject:*hums to self*
Time:4:01 pm.
Mood: bored.
Music:Black Hawk Down soundtrack.
Just a reminder to all you that I'm I'm not dead. I'm just really bored.

Sunday, September 14th, 2003

(1 bruise | fall in love)

Subject:Beware of the Green Eyed Monster
Time:12:40 pm.
Mood: jealous.
Music:Crazy Train- Ozzy Osbourne.
The band festival was good last night.

Just good.

There were some PHENOMINAL bands. West Mifflin...WOW. The greatest was South Fayette's Little Green Machine. THEY DANCE!!! They dance fast too. I don't know how to describe them. They did random kick lines and they layed on the ground, kicking the air and playing. When they went off the field, the trombone players threw their trombones up in the air, twirling them like batons, catching them with one hand.

I made the comment " this makes me wanna go home and slit my wrists. We are PATHETIC."


The band festival really put things into perspective. WE. ARE. PATHETIC.

I'd say that some of these bands even outdid Allentown. South Fayette and West Mifflin woulda CREAMED Allentown in competition.

And they DO compete. West Mifflin has been named band of the week in the Pittsburgh area for three years in a row. South Fayette has had a Fox Sports profile done on them and they've performed on Good Morning America.

We've done the Derry Railroad Days Parade. WOW. We are sooooo great. *note the sarcasm*

I really don't know who to blame. I blame us becuase we're lazy. If something is written into the drill that is hard or unique...over half the band will bitch until its erased. Like last years dance steps to Mr. Pitiful. It thought they were cool. They weren't nearly as elaborate as South Fayette's, but they were unique.

But so and so didn't like them and they were taken out.

This kinda thing happens so often in this band that its PATHETIC.

Then there's our school board who doesn't let us do anything even remotely connected to a competition. We must have the tiniest budget in the state. We WOULD compete if we could. But NOOOO...even the fucking CHEERLEADERS compete....but the band isn't allowed.\


Every band has something unique about them. Hempfield has their sheer size of over two hundred. South Fayette is the incredible dancing Green Machine. West Mifflin has won so many awards its sickening. North Hill's drum major throws batons at the audience. They high step too. The last green uniformed band whose name I can't remember SLAUGHTERED Riverdance, but their bass drummers STOOD ON THEIR HEADS to play, and that gets brownie points.

We have your basic drill.

We go on the field, we play, we get off the field.

We play decent. We do the drill FINE. We are a decent band. But we're not memorable.

"Derry? Derry what?"

"Where the hell is Derry?"

"You're from WHERE?"

"Never heard of you"

Maybe I'm just discovering I'm still attached to Allentown. At Allentown, if we said who we were, people's mouths dropped. "You're with the band?" *note that its THE band...there was no other band when we were in the picture*

"You guys are the greatest"

"I drove three hours just to see you"

"I pay a five thousand dollar tuition just so my daughter can march with you guys"

"We love you"

This year sucks. If I wasn't lettering, and if I didn't like marching so much...I'd quit.

Saturday, September 13th, 2003

(2 bruises | fall in love)

Time:1:23 pm.
Music:Rest in Pieces- Saliva. the marching band is officially considered junior alcoholics by the band parents of DOOM!

So they smelled alcohol in the band GOD at Allentown you smelled ALOT more than alcohol in the hallways. These band parents think they have it SOOO rough..they don't know what rough IS.

At Allentown, the band parents had to carry everything on their own. They had to plume our hats and shine our shoes before every performance. If we needed a zipper zipped...THEY had to do it. They had to adjust anything we needed adjusted. THEY had to make sure we had our intruments. THEY loaded the truck all by themselves. They UNLOADED it by themselves. They put the intruments away. They cleaned our uniforms. They aired them our for us.

All we had to do was show up and play.

They FED us when we were at attention and the director wouldn't let us eat. We only had to open our mouth and they'd give us a squirt of water or a bite from a candy bar. They would sneak us to the bathroom when the director said no.

They LOVED us.

They did everything they did without complaint. They did everything they did to make us the greatest we could be becuase they loved us.

These band parents take every available opportunity to critisize us. Either we weren't fast enough, we were too loud, too obnoxious, too professional, too UNprofessional, lazy. All we here is how lazy we are. We didn't carry the duffle bags last week. NO ONE HANDED ANY OF US ANY DUFFLE BAGS.

They seem to thrive off of incidents where we get in trouble, never ceasing to remind us of a fall from grace.

There is no unity. Its us vs. them. You will not see a Derry band parent hug a band member...not this year anyway.

Are you feeling the love?

I'm not.

Thursday, September 11th, 2003

(4 bruises | fall in love)

Subject:America's Finest Amusment Park...
Time:7:33 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
Music:Saliva- Rest in Pieces.
So let me rest in pieces...

So I heard that Jinny fainted today. *glomps* YOU TRYING TO RIVAL ME IN MY BODILY HARM???

Ugh...I was planning to update...until fifty million people started IMing me...grr...

Be back later

Saturday, September 6th, 2003

(4 bruises | fall in love)

Subject:Surrounded by the Enemy
Time:11:00 am.
Mood: excited.
Music:The Offspring.
Last night was.....interesting....

We lost to Uniontown: least it wasn't a massacre like last week.

I drank my pedialite all day like a good girl so we avoided the whole puking and being miserable throughout the second half of the game thing. Thats always a plus.

After the game I went to Eat N Park with Laura and Nathan and Laura's parents. Once we got there we split up and sat with Kim's group and the parents went off to sit with the other band parents. The place was CRAWLING with them. Even Miss Slade and Mr Sweeny showed up. This prompted Nathan to attempt to gouge his eyes out with a spoon, try to slit his wrists with a butter knife, and stab himself in the temple with a fork.

It was unnerving. We had our own little booth and behind it was Miss Slade's booth, in front of it was a group of band parents, and NEXT to it was a group of band parents, including Laura's parents.

Have no fear though. We got a menu out. I sat on it for a little while and then when Sarah left we hid it in her sweatshirt. I was gona take some silverware but we'll save that for next time. I think I'll take a fork. Forks are cool.

After a couple people left from Yvonne's group, she joined us with Kim and Joanna. I taught them how to make cocaine lines with Sweet N Low. We snorted sugar too. It was hilarious. A bunch of band parents looked up and started laughing. A few more glared, but thast their problem.

We also drank ranch dressing through a straw. Well...I drank ranch dressing through a straw. Everyone else watched and died and the waitress came and asked if I'd like a glass of it. Then I died.

It was a much better night than I thought it was going to be. When I found out Laura's parents were coming I considered just going home. I mean, there's no offence, I like them just fine, and they're REAL nice...but I'm sixteen years old. I don't need to be babysat anymore. None of us do. We can all be perfectly mature when we want to be. And another thing: I don't need to sit there and be told how wrong it is to stay out late. If there's such a big problem, if its SO evil...then go home. Don't preach to me either becuase it's not like I'm going to a bar. I'm just going to Eat N Park with my friends. Eat N Park doesn't even SERVE alcohol, so there.

My own mother doesn't even car when I get long as I get home. I came in a four in the morning once and she was FINE. She trusts me. She knows I don't fuck around.

Anyway...last night still rocked. AAANNNDDD I got a camera man for my crew.

OH! I didn't tell you guys about my graduation project!

Ghost Hunting.

See...graduation projects aren't as bad as they sound. Basically because you can do whatever you want. I'm gonna go ghost hunting. I just have to get it cleared. That shouldn't be too bad. I'll get Cheech to do it. He'll let me do it and he could get us access to the auditorium after dark.

Now...I'm not going off by myself, so I'm building a crew. So far there's me....the fearless leader ( HA! YEAH RIGHT!) and Sarah. Nathan said he would come and work the video camera and help with video splicing ( when we make the final copy). That could be cool. Nathan has all that video stuff and he's taken classes on how to use it and all. He said I can use his scanner when I do the written report too. Thats cool.

Laura wants to go too but she doesn't think he parents will let her. I think we can find a spot though. She can help with researching. We'll make her a historian if she wants. And we can take her on the hauntings that aren't too far away or the ones that aren't that late.

Hmm...we even have a few spots lined up.

The Auditorium
The One Room School House
The Civil War Cemetery
Livermore Cemetery

...and others. It'll be cool.

Now if only I can get it cleared by the school. In other words, I have to get the school to say its alright for me and several other students to trespass. Should be an amusing argument.

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003

(8 bruises | fall in love)

Subject:Lifestyles of the Strange and Curious
Time:11:32 pm.
Mood: cheerful.
Music:Good Charlotte.
Heh...stealing menus is fun.

The joys of marching band fetishes.

I have two Eat N Parks and one Gino's. Yvonne got me an insert from Eat N Park and I hung it in my band cabinet. I noticed something. Its sad when your band cabinet is decorated more than your regular locker.

Hmmm...marching in the rain is fun. Its exhilerating. Its what we're made for. It determines the true band fags from the whiners and complainers. Nathan says that nothing beats marching in the snow. This is true. Snow is just as wonderful and beautiful as rain without the misery.

I want it to snow.

Monday, September 1st, 2003

(fall in love)

Time:11:21 am.
Mood: blah.
Music:random shit.
yeah...I WISH! I like the rain. Its CLOUDY...but its not raining. DAMN.


find your poetry style
this quiz was made by mamaslyth


mmm...oyster crackers. I have oyster crackers and they are SOOOO good. I don't mean the little ones either. These are those really good ones and are big and round and need to be grinded up when you put them in soup. Mom hardly ever gets them becuase their like four dollars a box ( and its not a very big box) but when I opened the cabinet...THERE THEY WERE!

Ugh...we might go mini golfing later. I LIKE mini golfing. I just don't feel like going at the moment. Maybe we'll go later. Maybe after Mom agets home from work. Maybe she'll come too.

I doubt it though. She never goes anywhere anymore. Sometimes I think she LIKES sitting around being miserable.

Sunday, August 31st, 2003

(6 bruises | fall in love)

Subject:Marching Band, and the Art of Pissing off Our Own Fans...
Time:8:45 am.
Mood:band geeky.
Music:Smash Mouth- I'm a Believer.
Friday night was the big huge Latrobe/Derry game. Latrobe won...were you expecting any less?

Our band however, BLEW LATROBE AWAY! I was actually suprised by just how much they SUCKED! We did our show first and stood on the endzone as they played...and we couldn't hear them! Like...not at ALL! And their MARCHING! *gag* I'll admit that they DID have this cool part in their show when they suddenly switched from roll stepping to high stepping and that DID look pretty awesome, but their drill was just so blah. They did alot of following the leader moves ( which aren't that hard unless you're the leader) and they just moved in circles.

Did I mention that we couldn't hear them?

Pregame was nice though. We did a combined performance with the Wildcats in honor of one of their football players who got hurt in a car accident. They made a 6 on the field and we made a 0 and then we played Amazing Grace. I was a little dissapointed by how little people cared about it. I mean, yeah its JUST the band in come people's eyes, but we were trying to pay respect to someone and c'mon...its gonna be a LOOONG time before anyone sees the Latrobe and Derry bands on the field together without criticizing, glaring at, or simply BEATING each other to a bloody mess. That's kinda special.

Rehersal for that little last minute performance was tense though. We had to do everything LATROBES way. We had to use one of their drum majors ( who, might I add rolled his eyes when he was told to conduct us, and glared at us the whole time) and their commands which are DIFFERENT from ours. We had to learn in fifteen minutes what they get a month to learn.

We all wanted to kill each other, really. They'd glare at us. We'd glare back. It seemed like everyone was thinking " eew...get away from me".

Gawd...rivalrys are fun.

Our mascot was carrying around a little stuffed tiger to represent the wildcats. WAS a little stuffed tiger. By the end of the pep rally it was only a head and a body. Its legs were playing strwen across the gym floor.

Speaking of the pep didn't totally SUCK this year! The band was actually mentioned, as opposted to being totally ignored last year. I mean seriously, people were like...GUSHING about us. It was really....shocking.

We were't very loved at the football game though. We were warming up on the track before halftime and some fans were standing against the fence watching the last few minutes of the game. They kept yelling at us and telling us to get outta the way. I quote: " Blow your damn horns somewhere else."

How sweet. Sarah and I just blew them louder, and in their direction. We glared too. Behold, the power of a marching band glare. '

Heh...remember the Care Bears? The Care Bear STARE?

"Marching band....GLARE!"

....and our less then loyal and loving fans EXPLODE! WOOHOO!

The cheerleaders stole our glory...again...but they said since they got new blow horns, they'll give the marching band the old ones sicne we are kinda considered an extension of the cheerleader squad. People have actually said that we cheer louder than the cheerleaders. We also know all the cheerleader's cheers, which is actually kinda sad. Anyway, JP said we'll be getting them soon. God help us. Band geeks with blowhorns.

JP's car is sticky. And it pees sitting down. Even though he corrected me, saying his car has a very large penis.(not asking) JP picked Booger, Sarah and I up from the Subway in Derry after we all walked there. That was a BAD idea. Maybe when it gets cooler that'll be a nifty little shin dig becuase it's really not that far of a walk, just around the lake and downtown, across the train tracks. However, it was really hot yesterday, so it sucked. But outta the love in his heart ( or whatever blackmail Sarah has on him *giggle*) JP picked us up and took us back to the school. He got a sub and a Mountain Dew before we left though. He put the drink on his roof as we got in....and forgot about it. He had his windows down and when he took off, the sticky greeness got EVERYWHERE! It was funny.

The smell was amusing too. "JP, did something DIE in your car?" Sarah asked as she tried to find a place to put her feet among DOZENS of soda cans and bottles ( not that theres a whole lotta rooom in a Camaro ANYWAY).
IT SMELLED BAD. When we got to the school, no one else was there so we sat in the parking lot blaring JP's radio so loud that if you leaned against the car, you could feel it vibating. We also found the source of the DOOM SMELL! It turns out that JP left a container of macaroni and cheese in his car...FROM THE FIRST WEEK OF BAND CAMP! *twitch* It didn't even RESEMBLE mac and cheese..just big white blobs.

After the game, I was supposed to go with Yvonne and Colleen to steal Eat N Park meus. However, I ended up puking over our porch when I went home to change. That killed that idea pretty fast. I was fine ALL DAY. I TOOK GYM CLASS AND EVERYTHING! I started to feel bad after we performed though. And then it started to rain. Humidity, rain, and wool uniforms....NOT a good combination. I was still planning to go and everything until I puked. Mom got pissed becuase it landed on one of her flowers. Oops.

Now its been made known that Shi Chan has an electrolyte deficiancy. Ugh...basically, when I sweat, I puke. I have to drink these baby formulas that have electrolytes in them AND THEY TASTE HORRIBLE! Salty apple juice...*gag*

Ah well...maybe we can do something next week. Its a home game and those aren't nearly as tiring as away games. I think we're playing Uniontown. I think they beat us last year. Oh well...


I'm hungry.

Monday, August 25th, 2003

(16 bruises | fall in love)

Subject:Dare to be a Jaded Little Bitch
Time:9:27 pm.
Mood: bitchy.
I'm currently enjoying the sound my head makes when it impacts with the's quite nice really...maybe if I'm lucky I'll knock myself out or something.

It's time for "ShiChan's class Reviews: 2003-2004 school year"

HOMEROOM quite SWEET. I have homeroom in the band room with a crapload of other band geeks. It's air conditioned, roomy, and our teacher kicks ass. I can also practice whenever I want....need I say more?

APPLIED CHEMISTRY tought by the football coach. We heard alot of dissing of Latrobe's football team and alot of football analogies. Not a lot of chemistry. Still, the teacher is okay. Science might not suck this year.

....death threats and lots of pinatas....*wants to go medival on the roomful of pinatas* many pinatas...*twitch*

ENGLISH 11 ADVANCED I the only one who notices the sticks that protrude from all the english teacher's asses in this school?

..."those who disobey in my class will be marched to the gym and promptly shot in the head" *giggles*....I LOVE this class...we might get to watch "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" later this month...

...*twitch* least the room is air conditioned...

...I only know ONE person in this class...and its taught by an obviously former cheerleader * uncontrolled twitching*...but we're doing archery which is cool so I guess I can't gripe much...yet...

...for the love of GOD...can we AVOID put the ENTIRE FUCKING SCHOOL IN ONE LUNCH PERIOD!?!

....I'm gonna die a slow and painful death...

...its band...but its missing half my posse...still...its band...

Hmm...started reading " The Vampire Armand" today. Jin let me borrow it. I want Armand to have my babies...

(fall in love)

Subject:How Comforting...
Time:9:25 pm.
Mood: blah.

The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

(3 bruises | fall in love)

Subject:The Truth About Boys and Girls
Time:9:15 pm.
Mood:stepped on and bitchslapped.
Music:Sarah McLachlan- I Will Remember You.
Boyfriends suck...mentally stable or not...

Sunday, August 24th, 2003

(fall in love)

Subject:How Do You Like Me Now?
Time:10:47 pm.
Mood: weird.
Music:Fleetwood Mac-Landslide.
"Listen, Lady...we've only got THREE people working in this WHOLE FUCKING STORE....I apoligize for the fact that you have to wait a little longer than you can stand, but unless you'd like to either get your butt in here and make the burgers yourself OR find me a crew that actually LISTENS to're gonna have to sit here and remember that patience is, in fact, a virtue..."

Gawd...I'm good. I have a big mouth and if the lady complains I'll prolly get in a shitload of trouble...but Gawd...the LOOK on her face. PRICELESS.

So school starts tomorrow.
Mom and I fought all day. We just don't get along. I mean, you'll have this from time to time. I am a loud mouthed bitch and she's into the old fashioned, baby boomer....thing.

Her drive thru philosophy is " the customer is always right" whereas MINE is basically " fuck you and your fucking order".

Her ideal first day of school wardrobe consists of skirts and curls. Tomorrow I'm planning to wear a pair of faded jeans, my crappy sneakers from band camp, and a tshirt that says " Charm School Reject" on the front. I might wear my hair in little pigtails...I haven't decided yet.

She likes shows like " A Baby Story" and "Supermarket Sweep". I prefer " The West Wing" and "Dead Like Me".

She wants to be friends with my ex....I just want him to leave me alone.

She misses the old days. So do I.

I guess thats something.

She's all into marching band too. It AMAZES her that I, who can barely manage to walk from the living room to my room without tripping on something, can march backwards and sideways and through quads and tubas while blaring a line of sixteenth notes as loud as I can ( only two mellos in our band). I watch her...shes actually in AWE...

Thats the difference between her and Dad. Whenever he watched me, he just beamed...he was PROUD. I was his little girl. I was in marching band. I was one of the GOOD kids.

When Mom watches me...shes just amazed. She doesn't smile or anything, but her eyes are bright and wide.

I guess thats something too.

I just hate fighting with her. I mean, we ALWAYS fought...even when Daddy was still alive...but never like this. After being here a year, I've walked out more times that I can count and held screaming matches until my throat was sore. She threatens to send me to Torrance ( the local loony bin) or take me outta marching band. I yell back with " Bring it on!" She's slapped me. She never used to. She would say somethings that would hurt...but never anything like now. Never mentioned regretting me....wishing I wasn't here. Now she does.

But anyway...I'm getting sappy and I really wasn't planning on giving you all another sob story. Its really not a tragedy or anything. I AM a little bitch. I just need to watch my mouth and stuff...I guess.

Anyway...its getting late ( for a school night) and I smell like onions ( oh the joys of McDonald's employment) I want a bath....and food.

...thats all I got for tonight...

I just wrote a three page report on "The Red Badge of Courage"....leave me brain is fried like an egg.

mmm...eggs...I could go for some eggs right about now...

Saturday, August 23rd, 2003

(4 bruises | fall in love)

Subject:Nothing is Forever
Time:12:12 am.
Mood: melancholy.
Music:The Walflowers- One Headlight.
Overall a good day...

I won't go into details at the moment becuase they aren't importaint and I think I might give too much away regarding the divine secrecy I've been sworn to regarding a good friend...

It was a band day...

Little Matt had to poop.
Nathan creamed his pants and slapped my ass alot.

It seemed frighteningly final though.

We're only Juniors...we have another year left...
But this just felt so was different than last year. Last year was endless...we were boundless balls of relentless energy. We ran from one thrill to another....singing and cajoling and acting as though it was the beginning of something beautiful and new.

This year seemed tired. WE were tired. We didn't run.
We didn't care much about if we rode this or that.

We spoke much of the future. Where we wanted to apply for collage....what we wanted to take...who we wanted to we wanted to die...

Oh sure we had our usual moments. I stalked a bunch of kids from other bands...I walked up to one group and asked them what their field show was and they looked at me like I was insane. We rode our rides...The Phantom, the Racer...but there was no urgency...We didn't get to ride Aero 360...but we felt no great loss...

Our minds were elsewhere...

I think I got a little frustrated...I wanted it to be like last year. I wanted to be the hyperactive band geeks...I wanted to make the chaperones blush....I wanted to skip around the fountains singing "Frosty the Snowman"...but it just didn't happen.

Let's face it...we're growing up...even I realized that I looked a little dumb...was probably a little too loud...

I just have a hard time facing the fact that I'm not going to be a teenager forever....that one day me and my friends are going to grow up and die...that one day we won't be " the future of our country" or even alive...

I find it hard to imagine life without marching band and all that goes with it. I can't accept that one day boob jokes won't be funny and one day roller coaters WILL make me sick and one day WE will be the chaperones that everyone wants to lose.

...and one day there won't even be a "we"....or even a "me"...

Our steadfast alliance will one day fall apart. The day is coming. In just a year or two we graduate...we scatter...lucky to get an email...

Two years....why not make it two DAYS....two MINUTES...the blink of an eye...

the flutter of an eyelash...

and it will all be over...

such a good must come to an all things must...

A good day...ended in tears for the futures that are slowly slipping away from us....

Thursday, August 21st, 2003

(3 bruises | fall in love)

Subject:I wanna run through the halls of my high school...
Time:12:18 am.
Mood: content.
Music:John Mayer.
So Nathan, who I've taken the liberty of calling "Hacker", helped me deworm my craptastic computer and now its all better.

Tomorrow is the last official day of band camp. Its been good. My hit list shrunk a little. I've accepted that I have to make my own amusement this year. I got the altos, baris and horns to sing "Frosty the Snowman" today during sectionals. It amused me. I molested Geoff. ( EVERYONE molests Geoff) We don't totally suck anymore. I can actually stand to listen to the music we play now. It was painful earlier this month. VERY painful. I contemplated death by drumstick on many occations.

But things got better.

Things always get better. It just takes me a while to realize that sometimes.

I finished "The Scarlet Letter" today. I actually liked it. I usually HATE books that are assigned to me. LOATHE the damn things. But Scarlet Letter was good. I had the reader response questions figured out by the time I was almost halfway done....I really didn't HAVE to finish it. But I did. It was just such a great book. SO SAD!....but hey...I LOVE sad books. If I cry at the end...its perfect.

Not I just have to read "The Red Badge of Courage" and a chapter in AP European MONDAY.

I can't believe school starts on MONDAY.

Ah least I get a last hurrah. The band goes to Kennywood on Friday. That kicked ass last year.

Ugh....getting kicked works early tomorrow...wants to go to bed.

buh bye MINIONS!

I shall endeavor to torment you with my incessant yammering later!

Saturday, August 16th, 2003

(14 bruises | fall in love)

Subject:*sniffing poo*
Time:8:51 pm.
Mood: content.
Music:random pretty shit.
So I broke up with Fred ( for real this time) and I got a new boyfriend named Bill. He's great. He was a drummer at Derry and now he's an EMT/police cadet.

*can hardly believe it*

I'm sore from band and have a growing list of people in band who piss me off.

I had ANOTHER concussion...this time its from my brother hitting me in the head with a glass. It was an accident.

Watched "The Man Who Cried".....its of the greatest movies ever. Its SOOOO pretty and sad and its got Johnny Depp having sex every five minutes. But mainly its sad and pretty.

I like sad and pretty movies.

Friday, August 8th, 2003

(9 bruises | fall in love)

Time:7:25 am.
Mood: amused.
Music:Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack. camp

Band camp hasn't been so bad this year...amusing yes...very amusing....

So far this week:

someone admited that band camp makes them horny

someone tried to have sex with a trombone player ( the same person as above XD)

someone smelled like a hair salon *coughGEOFFcough*

um...I brain is fried at the moment...


"My day is not complete until I've made fun of you in some way"
-Shi to Geoff


"Your hair is molding"
-Crusty eyelash boy to Shi
"fuck off"
-Shi to crusty eyelash boy

ugh....getting kicked off...I gotta go...



Monday, August 4th, 2003

(7 bruises | fall in love)

Subject:So yeah...SHoot me now or forever wish you did when you had the chance...
Time:2:52 am.
Mood: blah.
Music:Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack.
Peeping tom running through the neighborhood....again...

Mom walked out on the porch and saw a dude standing on a chair, looking through my window...WHILE I WAS GETTING A BATH...

gee...I feel special...

I wanna change my layout...make it match...

maybe tomorrow after band camp....

I need to sleep tomorrow...

ugh...forgive me if I seem dead on arrival tomorrow morning...


Hey Jin?

You get home alive?

*falls over and dies*

Saturday, July 26th, 2003

(2 bruises | fall in love)

Subject:Stop Crying your Heart Out...
Time:12:47 am.
Mood: depressed.
Music:Stop Crying Your Heart Out- Oasis.

I can't play.


I didn't get to see the doctor yesterday and I got sick of waiting for word on if I can play or not so I decided to just...well..PLAY.

As soon as I hit a high note....a real high face EXPLODED. ( not literally) It just throbbed. I was so nose felt like it was bleeding...I almost thought I tore something open, I felt something stuck in my throat and choked for a moment before a clot of blood shot outta my hurt SO bad and my right eye kept twitching.


Band camp is in just over a week.

I can barely play the B flat scale.

*stuffs head in pillow and screams*




This is the unthinkable. To PHYSICALLY be UNABLE to play...its like...I feel like the football player with the promising career in their future...but they blow their knee out the first day of practice.

Its like a slap in the face. Its not like I can't figure out the music. That's something I can always WORK on...this...this is beyond my control. I can't tell my face not to hurt when I play. I don't even know if I'm SUPPOSED to play yet. But I have too. I HAVE TO LEARN THE MUSIC!

But I can't. I can't WORK on it. I can't even play a fucking scale without hurting.

Its not fair that something I love SO much makes me hurt so bad! I just feel empty. Mom thinks I'm upset about maybe not being able to do marching band this year. That IS part of it. But not the main issue. I don't live to march.

I live to play.

I live for the music.

Sure its great if we get the drill right. But we aren't soldiers. Above all else...we are musicians...

And now I am a musician who can't even make her own music anymore...

Yes kiddies...Shichan's life is over as we know it.

Oasis Stop Crying Your Heart Out lyrics
Hold up
Hold on
Don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone

May your smile (may your smile)
Shine on (shine on)
Don't be scared (don't be scared)
Your destiny may keep you warm

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up (get up)
Come on (come on)
Why're you scared? (I'm not scared)
You'll never change
What's been and gone

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

We're all of us stars
We're fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see us some day
Just take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out

That's easier said then least THEY can still play their instruments without unleashing the fires of Hell upon their FACES...

...and my nose STILL hurts...

I'm gonna go to bed before I start crying again.

G'nite guys.

Blurty for ShiChan.

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