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[09 Aug 2003|07:29pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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I didn't take any pictures. I know I promised and I'm scum, but I have no pictures. My computer feels strange. The mouse and keyboard and screen are floating in front of my feild of vision and touch like boxy objects. The ride home made me sick as well. A car cramed full of stuff and people w/the sun blind-siding off the highway into the interior. A greenhouse on wheels full of unshowered bodies.
Saturday thru 'til Monday morn I discovered a long lost Introvert's ailment; People Sickness. Tooooo many people in one space I don't know. I spent most of the time holed up in my room feeling nauseous. What an idiot am I. I tried to shake it off, but the fact that 15 people were cramed into one space just overwhelmed me.
After that, I had a great time. Iv and A are immature, filthy men and I enjoyed myself fully. The Cherub got as drunk as a poet on payday on a few occasions, but I poked fun w/o objective and made him sleep in another room. Fun times. I did too, but felt only but dizzy. It was disappointing. I expected elevated self-image.
This entry stinks. No one will tell me otherwise.
I considered bringing up a notebook to write once in a while to capture moments/thoughts, but was justified fully when no one could understand I needed some "alone time". They allowed but were puzzled. Not my kind of people, but sweet and concerned.
They almost made me into a Trekkie. Countless hours of Star Trek. I felt the spirit many a time, but was far outmatched by their years of followings. What a noble aura that show has. It inspired me obliquely.
Are all guys this gross? It's been a while since I've spent time w/a group (and gone in alone). They farted, burped, grabbed genetalia in mock fun.... discussed women in less than flattering terms, did strip teases and oozed homosexual undertones in some type of stunted affection. I fit in disturbingly well.
So tomorrow I might head over to A's to help paint his cottage. He drove me around some, so a favour would be nice.
Blah, blah... some comparision to Star Trek and exploration.. perception and self.
I'm tired.
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In other news, someone I cared for greatly for a good spell is now rubbing a new flame in my face. Ah, to be home.
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