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[25 Feb 2004|11:47pm] yeah.. so, i'm back. and i missed my computer like fucking crazy. so much fucking shit has went on.. since my last entry.. friendships have been fucked up then rebuilt.. relationships have been fucked up and rebuilt then refucked up.. now somewhat rebuilt.. i've been getting drunk alot lately.. i'm closer with kristen then ever.. she knows what i mean.. i saw kayla fight mctague.. i don't care if you feel the need to comment in my journal like you did in others.. but i think that kayla won.. definatly.. and i'm proud of her.. you can say that she didn't win all you want.. but i was there.. and i saw it.. kayla won.. end of story. stop bitching about it. i miss caitlyn so fucking much.. caitlyn, my love is like whoa.. i miss you more than i miss spunky.. well maybe about the same.. i don't miss anything more than spunky lol.. no offense.. i've been fighting with my mom/brother so much lately.. i'm 'out of control' supposedly.. fuck that. yeah.. so.. my life, is fucked up. i'm either way too hyper or way too mellow/lazy. i'm either way too happy or way too depressed. i'm either way too drunk/stoned or way too sober. i'm either way too put together or i'm falling apart. i'm either laughing, crying, bitching, not talking, stoned, drunk, or unconscious. nothing makes sense anymore. it's as if i'm in a movie like memento. nothing makes sense, and everythings out of order. i'm always wondering what the fuck is going on, i'm always wondering what's going to happen next. sure, it all comes together in the end. in the end it will all make sense. or is that just a theory devoloped by a director? or is it real? in the end of this movie of my life, will everything be peiced together? in the end will i sit back and sigh, now knowing what has just happened through my whole life? and why what happened at what times? or will i never understand any of the scenes? yeah.. so my way of thinking is fucked up.. so shoot me. 8 comments| thoughts

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