-- Bigger Than My BodyGives Me Credit For
Name: John Clayton Mayer
Likes: love. music. guitar. cool beans. showers. pie check. ring pops. fresh vegetables.
Dislikes: losing to Scotty. paying for porn. seperation.
"Love is a hot shower where your skin never prunes."
"People thinking I'm hot is proof positive that a guitar is the ultimate airbrush."
"I don't mind making sissy rock... I'll rock your ass sensitive-style”
"Yeah, I'm real deep when I'm not busy masturbating or setting off fireworks. "
"I like to think of my songs as people, and Love Soon is in drug rehab. He's in there with Ben Affleck and he's a better actor"
"There isn't a guy in here that doesn't have at least one other guy he would spoon with"
"People always talk about the magic of music; the real magic is that it never dies."
"I'm so ready to be in-love, I'm so ready to be sick to my stomach missing somebody, I'm so ready to say goodbye to my girlfriend when she comes to visit me for 2 days and choke on my tears in the back of the van silently for the first half hour of the ride. ."
"Someday I'll meet a girl, blah blah blah, and someday we'll make a baby and I'll tell her to squeeze my hand as hard as it hurts."
"I'd always dreamed of getting a guitar. I'd go over to a friend's house and he'd have a guitar with 3 strings on it and I'd tune it up. Someway. Someway that sounded right to me, it wasn't right at all. But I was always mystified by it... I still am."
"I'm not presenting a slide show on my studying gorillas in Africa. I'm singing songs about fucking and fucking hurting."
"Let me just get this off my chest... I fucking love porno!"
"My head is like a box of Nerds...the grape side is the music side which is always bangin around on the guitar. The cherry side is always working on the words - but they're completely indepenent of one another."
"I'll always feel a little dopey, I'm always the guy in someones way, that's not the right place to stand."
"My biggest desire in high school was not to get laid, was not to go to the prom, my biggest desire in high school was to have everyone around me see that identity that I knew that I had, but that I couldn't show to anybody."
"I brushed my teeth right before I came out on stage, I'm a big tooth guy. I want my breath minty and fresh. It feels like I'm on a date."
"Osaka, Japan, say hello to Dela! ... being on the road can be rough and tumble, and someone backstage just informed me that this is not Osaka, Japan -- we're in Indianapolis!"
"This morning I was awaken only byt the urgent need to pee.. may you have many more days like that this summer."
"15 years ago, me and my brother, Ben, used to walk to Cumberland Farms and get those, uh, bubblegum candy cigarettes and pretend we were high. I guess now people smoke weed. ...And they still pretend they're high..."
"It's nice to look at all these beautiful girls and think to myself, 'Hey! I'm not gay!' "
"There was a shadowy tongue kiss that, as a kid, gave me a tingly feeling, and I didn't know what it was. I still don't - what was it?"
"I can tell there are a lot of Avril fans here because there wearing ties, and I can tell the guys that are inspired by me because they're wearing dirty underwear."
"I've been getting a lot of crank calls lately. And most of the people who call, I find, just want to share their feelings. So, this girl called last night, and she called me a one-hit wonder. And that's just not true, because, I'm a two hit wonder..a two and a half hit wonder..two and a fourth.. so with this next song, we're going for 3.25 hits im my career."
"I'm glad you can sit here with me and listen to my bullshit. Oh, I'm sorry to the parents out there for saying bullshit. But you know what? It's my fucking show."
"I want everyone to put their thumb and forefinger together and measure my head. If your fingers are actually touching, I want to thank you for coming."
"Okay, lets play what was John thinking during 'No Such Thing'. I was thinking about message boards. I usually don't go on message boards. I'm really a porn affcionado. At least it's consistant."
"Right now I could discuss feline herpes with you, and nobody would care."
"You know, the only difference with being in the rain is that it hurts a hell of a lot more when you get your ass slapped."
"I hope you're in love. If not, I hope you're faking it awesome."
"Every guy wants a girl and a relationship with fuckin' real trust. So much trust that I could call her up and be like, 'There was some hot ass in the audience today,' and she'll be like, 'Oh yeah?' and I'll be like, 'Oooooh yes.' Every guy wants a girl that can appriciate hot ass."
"Sometimes I think I'm like a woman or something. You know all PMSy and shit. You know, when you're just not interested in sex for like 3 weeks at a time, and it's like here's a napkin, draw me a picture cause I just don't get it."
"I'm looking for my ideal soul mate. That is somebody who is confident enought to feel love at a moment when love is not being given. A lot of times, I feel like I'm on the road to support a family I don't even have yet. I don't have to tour as much as I do, but I want to for that future family."
"Remember, kids, Coppertone is not a lubricant.