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Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
10:21 pm - instant smash
no more blurty.
i've got a friends only lj.
find me, i dare you.

current mood: crappy
current music: candy shop.

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Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
10:19 am - let's face it, it just might not be in the cards for me.
there isn't ANY connection!
i love this movie.

i'm starting to really real annoyed with people who think they know everything and talk about it.
it really makes you feel like crap. like you opinion has no merit, because they already know the answers and the correct opinions. i've come across a few recently.
i've never thought i knew everything. i've always let others have opinions
i only say i know something when i'm 95% sure.
i really have a high regard for people when they say they're wrong.
i try to say i'm wrong everytime i know i am.

lately i've felt like i don't even know who i am anymore.
what do i stand for, where am i going, why do i feel the way i do. ?!
i'm realizing how my personality is rarely reflected in how i act sometimes.
a lot of people don't know me. i'm not really the girl that people think i am.
how do i change this? i need to be more open to people. let them in.
come on in. wake up.
i'm going home this weekend to see people i really care about.
slumber parties, trikes, beckwith, pizza and belle. yippie.

Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit

current mood: rejuvenated
current music: the big lebowski.

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Sunday, February 27th, 2005
1:04 pm - 1999
i never wanted to be one of those people that revelled in drinking games or lived for parties with strangers. parties are too much work for me sometimes. usually i'd just rather be with 3 of my friends having fun.
i never wanted my interests to define me or have to prove my worth through my taste in bands. thats not me. i'm very different that just that.
i've always lived in films, books, art, all things to keep my mind off being alone. but being alone doesn't nessisarily mean you're lonely.
I will always love childish things. my childhood means more to me than a lot of things in my life. it shaped me and i always think of those people in my childhood. they mean more to me than the probally should. people i haven't seen in maybe a decade still come into my thoughts weekly.
I will always hate those big black ants and golf on tv.
I've always promised myself i wouldn't let anyone disrepect me or put me down. i will stand up for myself at all times and even be a bitch by demanding respect.
There is so much i want to do in my life. i want to design a house and decorate it. i want to be a make-up/hair artist for some big event. i want to learn photography and take photos in my leisure. i want to go out into the wilderness and get lost and use my instincts to get me back home. i want to be on my own for a year and have no ties anywhere and just live. i want to move to paris and explore the city. i want to be terrified of whats going to happen next in my life. i'm sick of this consistancy and predictibility. i want to travel alone. and go everywhere i've ever wanted to without worrying. i want to direct a motion picture. i want to create a line of clothing that i'm proud of. i want to learn to dance the tango. i want to date a french boy.

March4-6 go home to indiana
March 19- tracy's bridal shower
March 19-27 Spring break
March 27- easter
April 27 Dave/Tracy's wedding.
May 2- i turn 20 //4th- laura turns 22.
May 9-13- Finals
May 19th(?)- leave for california
August 7: come home in indiana
August 13: Scot's wedding in charlotte
August 20- kate's graduation
August 21-27: Rehoboth
August 28: fall semester begins.

i really want to go out to my camp soon. a weekend of drinking and cards and fires and dirt. it would be fun.
i want to go out with my dad on the motorcycle soon too. that would be fun.

current mood: blah
current music: prince

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Saturday, February 26th, 2005
10:20 pm - You're like a tub of lard on a bad day
i just got home from baltimore like 2 hours ago and i'm all tired. but i had such a good time. i was so nice to do something you normally would never do. and i felt really comfortable with erin and her family. it was like i was at home. it was great. and we got to explore downtown baltimore/the inner harbor and see all the crafts. there were some really beautiful things, but nothing i was completely blown away by. and everything was expensive... but still nice to see how everything was put together and the booths there.
who knows if that will be i my future.
but erin and i plan to live together next fall. and i'm so excited. she'll be a blast to live with.
i'm also thrilled to be seeing emily this weekend, and fred and my family and hopefully a bit of laura. it's just been so long since we've all reunited.

being on a car trip, you talk about so many random topics. but it was so weird to talk about anything involving fred and be like.. "my ex boyfriend".. i felt like when i kept mentioning him that it seemed like i was hung up over him. it's just that he was such a consistant person in my life for 2+ years that it's really weird to just say he's an ex. it's just more than that. and it makes me feel weird.
i need to go on some dates. for real.. i'm so missing that affection. hell i haven't been hugged for weeks or touched or anything. this better not continue. rack me up some points.

current mood: crappy
current music: lil' john's voice.

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Thursday, February 24th, 2005
10:18 am - salut mes amis
so things are all set to go to baltimore tomorrow morning. i'm excited to get outta kent for awhile and to be out of my comfort zone. thats always fun. but uhmmm.. i must get up tomorrow at 8am and hit the road. we might go to some museums and out for dinner and stuff. should be fun and interesting.

i've forgotten all my french.

i just saw that video to one of my new favorite songs. i've heard it several times but never remembered it, but it's ordinary people by john legend. and i really love it. it's one of those powerful great songs that stick with you. its universal.

it's fucking freezing in here. i never did buy an electric blanket. i should've done that.

i found my pictures of dave/tracy and betsy/randy and woodrow/tony/ben and they're all hanging near my computer. i feel like a mom.
i can't wait to go home and see bella and fred and laura/ emily and whoever else lets me see them.

current mood: cold
current music: the view is on!

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Sunday, February 20th, 2005
7:43 pm - aliens
i'm positive i update this too often. but at least somebody's got something to read every now and again.

i just came back from the jewelry studio and i was in the hammer room working and i faintly heard this music come on from the other room. i listened a bit harder and it was my musical love, neil diamond. i laughed really quietly because neil comes up in my life every day or two and something new has to do with him so often. and i daydreamed a bit (cause i frequently do) and imagined someone out there who knew my love for neil and put on this best of cd and waited for me to notice and appreciate thier thought to make me smile. of course that didn't happen. but i wished it had. like somebody had just known that neil would make my day a bit better and wanted to suprise me.. not that it's possible. but thats why its called a day DREAM. ha

but now that my back is all hunched over, i've got a slight headache and am frozen.. i've returned from that hell and i think i might be done with my bowl. please please, i hope i'm done.

i saw sideways today with kate. and i think i just had really high expectations. like i thought the storyline would be a lot better instead of so predictable. i guess the character development/acting and simplicity of it made up for a typical plot. i still liked it. i really love paul giamatti and i like sandra oh.

current mood: crappy
current music: radiohead

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Saturday, February 19th, 2005
1:34 pm - gotta go to sleep, gotta go to work, gotta have a job
i just spent the early afternoon looking up information about jason lee. i was very disappointed to learn of his wife. i thought perhaps my dreams would come true. ha.
heres a great picture:

and last night i looked up pictures of pharell and peter saarsgard. heres one of my favorites:

yesterday i bought a dress for daves wedding. it's a purpley/plum halter top that i got for a mere 30 buckeroos.
now i can concentrate on finding some hot shoes/jewelry. it's basic but i will definately wear it numerous times:

i looks like this but with a halter instead of that crossing strap shit. i think.. well whatever

today is a ksu basketball game. it should be a rowdy game, for sure.
i'm almost done with this book. i read 3 books in a month. congradulate me.
hopefully i will go see sideways tomorrow. i've been dying to see it. i love paul giamatti.
i plan to write more emails and plan to call.
i plan to seek out some new fantastic music

i wrote my mom this huge long email today all about whats going on with me and school and stuff. it's just weird when someone you see so often knows nothing about you or your interests.

anyone have any supernintendo games they want to get rid of? pass 'em my way.

i'm going to color in my crazy cat coloring book. have a good one

current mood: hungry
current music: modest mouse

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Friday, February 18th, 2005
12:52 am - camp
i wrote this back in december 2003 when i remembered this memory. kate might like it:
did you ever make tiny boats out of the paper from a legal pad?
and take those boats out to the side of the road and let them float to the end of the ditch?
When you raced, did you ever win?
my paper boats usually sunk
But those tiny acorn caps sure can fly.

current mood: nostalgic

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Thursday, February 17th, 2005
1:54 pm - survey says........
Slept in your bed: my bed at home? fred
Saw you cry: myself.
Made you cry: fred and our situation
Spent the night at your house: i have no idea.
You shared a drink with: kate?
You went to the movies with: kate, bateman and john kuzneski
You went to the mall with: kate and i went to beachwood for dresses
Yelled at you: i have no idea. my dad i bet.
Sent you an e-mail: Marisa
You kissed: none of your business!

Said "I love you" and meant it? many times
Gotten in a fight w/your dog/cat/bird/fish,etc.: no
Been to New York?: state but not NYC
Been to Florida?: yes
California?: yes
Hawaii?: no
Mexico?: no
China?: no
Canada?: shit yeah
Danced naked?: yep
Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: no! but i have weird dreams alot
Wish you were the opposite sex?: sometimes. but i usually like being female
Had an imaginary friend?: i might have.

Red or blue?: red
Spring or fall?: spring. it's more optimistic, but fall has a great color pallete/clothes.
Last noise you heard?: yeah yeah yeahs blasting.
Last time you went out of the state: i live outta state.
Things you like in a girl/guy?: style, sense of self, humor, intelligence, opinions, someone that is real with me
Do you have a crush on someone?: oh my god. yes several
What book are you reading now?: running with scissors
Worst feeling in the world: when no one can relate, being bored, alone, frustrated, out of control
What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?: HOLY CRAP DON'T WAKE UP. because my dream involved me kissing several guys one included a really really hot 50 cent.
How many rings before you answer?: 2
Future daughter's name: sophie, claire, vivienne, etheline, mary-yves.
Future son's name: Esteban, Jack, Victor, Trey, Oscar.
If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be?: sucessful store partner and jewelry designer. maybe teach some classes.
Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous?: righty
Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?: for the most part. my pinkies don't type.
What's under your bed?:sweater bin
Current Age: 19
Siblings: Richard, David, Kathryn, and in-laws=Marisa and Tracy.
Location: Kent, OHIO
Piercings: ears
Boyfriend/Girlfriend: not currently.

Do you do drugs?: no
Do you drink?: on occasion
Who is your best friend?: i'd say laura, emily, kate and fred are all up there in that position
What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use?: Treseme and Pantene
What are you most scared of?: struggling in all ways.
What clothes do you sleep in?: sweats and a tee.

Who is the last person who called you?: fred last week.
Where do you want to get married?: i don't even know if i want to do that.
If you could change anything about yourself what would that be?: to be better with people and to have drive.
Who do you really hate?: meh.
Favorite number: 2 and 9 have always been favorites.
Been In Love?: for sure.
What Type Automobile Do You Drive: 88
Are You Timely Or Always Late: HA. i'm usually late. but for important things, classes, meetings... i'm early.
Do You Have A Job: no
Do You Like Being Around People: yes
Are you for world peace: sure, it's unrealistic, but it would be nice.
Are you a health freak: no. please.

Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: oh god i've had like 2 or 3 unattainables and then like infinate crushes that just would never ever ever happen
Have You Ever Cried Over Something Someone of The Opposite Sex Did: definately.
Do You Have A "Type" Of Person You Always Go After: yeah. i'd say they are all similar. kinda the oddballs, the people that i identify with and befriend. then i usually fall for them. i definately have a type.
Want Someone You Don't Have Right Now: yeah sure. but most are unrealistic and bad ideas.
Ever Liked a close boy/girl Friend: ha. yes. all boys i've ever been close to i've liked. terrible curse.
Are You Lonely Right Now: a bit
Ever Afraid You'll Never Get Married: i mean. it's there. i might never and i think i'll be ok with it.
Do You Want To Get Married: i don't know. what does that even mean anymore? certainly nothing to my generation. and just don't know. maybe if i find the right person and we can make it work. i always thought i could marry fred. we're compatiable. maybe someday.
Do You Want Kids: maybe. i'm not sure i'm cut out to be a mom. i might just be the cool aunt.

Room In house: my bedroom-where the magic happens.
Song: maps- yeah yeah yeahs. cause i'm listening to it now and i forgot my love for it.
Memory: niagara and spending time with my ladies, playing with bella that one day and playing games at woodrow that night with bence. so much fun!
Day Of The Week: friday it's just exciting. and signifies the end of the week.
Color: orange and purple. and gold.
Month: may. thats the month of my birth and end of school and start of summer and refreshing and warm
Season: summer. cause your carefree and careless and it's hot out and you can wear skimpy things without feeling slutty. it's just a great time. my whole body is completely rejuvinated and i get freckles then!

current mood: chipper
current music: yeah yeah yeahs

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Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
2:07 pm - i'll find my own way out. i won't tell you to stay
i've been thinking of my social issues lately. i've come up with so many conclusions. and i hope to reverse this some how and just get the fuck over it once and for all.

i need to open up. with everyone. barely anyone knows my real thoughts and i never volenteer the information. i just want to be a person you can tell anything to without judgement and i want to be someone who tells other people everything without fearing judgement.
what is wrong with me. i mean i know that i can't just be my normal self with strangers. i know i take on this secretive quiet, intimidating, and unresponsive persona. and i do it on purpose to protect myself i guess. i never want to be open and out there subject to hurt or criticism. i've always tried to be really strong and resiliant against everyone and everything. but i'm really terribily sensitive. i can cry at the drop of a hat. and when i actually talk about anything serious or anything i remotely care about i usually tear up. it's really strange and i've always been embarassed about it. thats why i don't usually talk about anything serious and also why nobody takes me seriously.
i've always been confident with myself and my personality. i'm ok with it but i'm also so terrified of rejection and ridicule. i base that solely on my upbringing because saying what you felt/liked really entitled you to being made fun of. that was just intensified when i went to junior high. it was terrible there for many years but i am okay when i've got some people around me that i'm comfortable with. and i just need to learn to do it on my own. cause soon enough i will have nobody around me that i'm comfortable around when people move away or when i'm really on my own. i have to grow up.

i'm really ok with fred and i's breakup. i didn't think i would feel like this. but since we've talked about it- i'm totally ok with moving on. i didn't think it would seem this easy. and i know that when i see him again it will be really hard and i will miss what we had. but that's fucking life. and i can't hold on to something that makes me hurt. so i'm really ready to let it go. and let whatever happens happen. i need to just keep living. i need to go on dates and figure out what i'm ready for. i need to learn not to lead people on. i've always had a hard time with that because i never really know what i want. i need to be assertive.

i really need to figure out what i'm doing with myself in school. i really need to figure out some concrete plans and just get ready for what needs to take place. i need to talk to somebody about scheduling.
i need to feel more confident in my abilities. i AM talented and i can really make something of myself. i know it.
i do have the drive it takes and the patience and abilities and everything else i will learn. i can't expect to have it all right now, i'm just 19. i will be somebody someday.. somebody worth the recognition, i know it.

i really should stop taking the backseat to others. i always let others go first and just pick up the scraps or not do anything at all cause i'm not aggressive enough to do it on my own. i've always known this. i remember mrs. gentile wrote me a letter in 6th grade transition math telling me i need to step up and stop letting everyone else take the spotlight. i was always ashamed of my talents and she told me that i was just as smart as everyone else but by taking the backseat it made me seem like i was apathetic. i will change that.
i want to make people feel comfortable around me and actually want to talk to me. because if i'm always cold then no one will approach me, and i rarely approach somebody else. terrible cycle.

these are just things to remind myself of what i need to change. because it's all building up and intensifying right now. and i really need to do something different.
take some responsibility and take initiative.

current mood: sore
current music: dave #41

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Monday, February 14th, 2005
10:52 pm - i gotta make it to heaven- for goin through hell.
i'm delusional. i just spent 5 hours hammering. i kinda blanked out and felt like i was hallucinating. it was strange. but i still am not done. more hours of that tomorrow night.
today was a good day. happy valentines day.
i got one valentine from kate. yay. i could not wake up this morning.

i think i might go to baltimore to the crafts/arts festival with a girl from my glass class. we'd stay at her aunts and make like a 7 hour trip down there. i'm not sure the distance it is from kent, but more than from indiana. so that might be happening next weekend. i'm excited about that. i need to get out of my comfort zone. but that means i'd be gone all that weekend before my cup/base project was due that wed. that weekend is crucial to finish everything. but i'll get it done, i'm sure. i'll just be in there constantly.
i feel so drained
i need sleep.
but i need to study too. why am i writing this when i need to study for my test at 915?!?!

i AM a secret admirer of many. i could've made somebody's day by telling them how i admired them from afar. but of course i didn't. typical for me. typical...
i wish i had flowers. i'd take dead flowers... or dandelions, weeds of any type. fuck. ha 420

you say you a gangsta, but you never popped nothin'

current mood: drained
current music: 50 fucking cent.

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Sunday, February 13th, 2005
11:49 pm - spice it up a little bit.
i'm watching the sunday night sex show. phone sex. sue is hilarious.
but what a weekend. it went really fast but relaxing. i like staying in kent. friday we went dress shopping. i found a really beautiful dress, but i didn't buy it. i already regret not getting it. i liked it alot. but then we came home to watch jeopardy and clinton/stacey. then saturday we went to bob evans for lunch and to a basketball game. then we hung around for awhile. but watched the notebook after a game of bowling.
but today i went to the studio for 3 hours. got a bit done. but then came home and watched the grammys. and now i'm waiting to watch bliss. yes....

i really don't have much to say.
i'm feeling empowered to make some changes and actually intend to improve some aspects of me that i've known to be improve-able. i want to be approachable. we all know i'm not approachable. and to be more determined to achieve my goals. given i need to make a few more goals, because i only have a few random ones. i want to be more independant and more friendly. i want to go on dates. i want to see some good shows. i want to be more cultured. i want to go to more galleries and museums and performances. i want to feel good being alone and read more. i want to dance more and eat healthier. so many goals.

i want to watch bliss more....

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Friday, February 11th, 2005
2:20 pm - yikes, stripes... fruit striped gum
hello my friend, hello.. it's good to need you so..

this weekend includes:
shopping tonight
basketball game tomorrow
studio time all the time
perhaps bowling
maybe renting the notebook. shit yeah.

this week has been good. very tiring. i've been getting bad sleep lately. i think my bed sucks.

i took my oceanography test today. passed it with flying colors. i think i got an A.

i worked on my bowl. i'm kinda worried about it. cause i need to finish this before i can move on. and i'm just not sure if it's good enough yet. hopefully i will ask someone who knows this weekend.

life has been swell. i've been feelin good. and i can't even believe i was home just last weekend. i'm glad that i'm over that. i feel like the future is promising. i'm going to repeat this again: i feel good.

my hair is getting long. almost to the point i had in the summer after ninth grade. (documented by the pictures from the rehoboth and the outter banks. . SICK)

current mood: hungry
current music: postal service repeating in my head.

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Wednesday, February 9th, 2005
10:12 pm - nothing really matters to me
Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results
Warmth ||||||||| 26%
Intellect |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||| 46%
Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Liveliness |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Dutifulness ||||||||| 30%
Social Assertiveness |||||| 18%
Sensitivity |||||||||||| 34%
Paranoia ||||||||| 30%
Abstractness |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Introversion ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Anxiety ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Independence |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Tension ||||||||| 22%
Take Cattell 16 Factor Test (similar to 16pf)
personality tests by

current mood: sleepy
current music: queen

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4:20 pm - for me this is heaven
1. your full name
Rebecca Lynne Anderson

2. grandparents' first names?
Viola, Ralph, Betty, and Donald

3. what songs do you sing in the shower?
celebration or holiday. they always come into my brain.

4. what did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
ghosts. i saw rick as a ghost when i was a kid, in my blue night light. but i was also afraid of the easter bunny being in the house and gremlins/the monster from the movie with the Savages.

5. when and why did you last vomit?
HA. uhm i think it was when flying to chicago from LA. not on the plane, but both before and after. or right before we left for the beach. wait.. niagara.. any travelling in the summer for sure.

6. whats in your pockets right now?
gum i stole from kate.

7. what color are your bedroom walls?
white in the dorm. an green at home.

8. last thing that made you laugh?
laugh really hard? tubing, laugh at stupidity, anything where kate and i are singing/dancing/talking about creep

9. nicknames your parents call you?
becky boop, and my fake dad paul burton calls me becky blue eyes

10. best bed sheets you had as a child?
i just liked those mickey mouse ones and my butterfly comforter

11. favorite childhood pet?
we only had fish. but reta was the best

12. any pets now?

13. others describe your ass as?
unflattering. ha

14. do you like your teeth?
i love how straight they are and my smile. i don't like their color and how my mouth doesn't shut.

15. inny or an outty?

16. things you shout to stupid drivers?
i rarely yell. i just usually ask what they're doing. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

17. favorite bathroom?
i like ours at home. but the shower sucks

18. bake or broil?
baked goods

19. black or green olives?
neither! black are prettier

20. what kind of phone do you own?
verizon old flippy phone.

21. what's one of the strangest thing you ever chewed on?
my hair?

22. is your music kept in a particular order?
yes. my own ordering system

23. where do you get your film developed?
i haven't in awhile. i went to kmart or walmart.

24. if your skin could be any color of the rainbow, what would you choose?
yellow. like the simpsons

25. where did you go to pre-school?
christian playday thing. with mrs. cilo at grace

26. strangest drug experience?
i don't take drugs. not even asprin if i can help it.

27. favorite weather?
sunny, 85 and breezey

28. describe your fingernails?
short and ripped apart.

29. last time you had to go to the hospital?
when i took emily and i was the parent figure. this is what i like to call the twilight zone

30. worst injury you've ever had?
none really. my knee still hurts quite regularly. but it's minor

31. how do you like your chocolate?
any kind. i like dark or milk.

32. favorite kind of tape?
black electrical tape

33. favorite thing to write or draw with?
a nice B drawing pencil, and a felt tip pen.

34. last movie you rented?
the united states of leland and the rules of attraction.

35. last movie you went to see?
in good company.

36. were you a thumb sucker?
yes. until i was like 10..

37. how old are you?

38: What are your dreams like?
usually weird with really random people in it, making out or horses just come in alot, or there is an eleborate plot. i used to fly alot and be running. now it's just strange dreams.

39. hallucinations?
never had one.

40. worst hotel you've ever been?
that one with emily at the airport. only cause we were expecting it to be luxurious.

41. best vacation?
hilton head with bence in 2000, rehoboth 2002 when we met forrest, disney world in 2000, cali this summer

42. what languages can you speak?
french, the anderson mumble

43. favorite house?
2461 hillside drive, that cute house on 12th and philly, the yellow house on 12th and church

44. favorite mode of transportation?
metro in france or train

45. favorite place to swim?
a pool at night, when the water seems warm.

46. last porno you saw?
damn. i've only seen those terrible softcore ones. fuck

47. last song you listened to?
for me this is heaven -JEW

48. favorite kitchen utensil?
whisk. i always think of john phillips (sousa) when i use it

49. favorite driving songs?
hip hop, dirty dancing soundtrack songs and oldies.

50. what will you be doing tomorrow?
classes and studying for my oceanography test and watching the oc

current mood: good
current music: Jimmy eat world

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1:57 pm
so on my way back here today i completely realized that i don't think i've ever made anything on my first try that was good. but i'm just really good at fixing things. i rely on it. like i've always just started something, bullshitting my way through it. and then i save it before it sucks ass, and fix it until it looks good.
always. but i think it's just my personality. i don't care at first and then once i realize how shitty it looks, i take real strides to turn it into something desireable. and i kind of obsess over it until it's right.

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Tuesday, February 8th, 2005
11:36 am - fuck you, and you and you.
yesterday was great. i simply love my glass class right now. we started to blow yesterday, and although i only did it twice, they were good. i brought home my little glass catapillers and i'm playing with them right now.

i got an email back from alec today. he says he might be out here in ohio might come my way. which would be so much fun. so that started off my day with a good mood. my classes have been good. i'm tired all the time though, which means i've been nodding off in class. it's just cause they're so boring. i can't help it. studios have been good. i'm a bit frustrated with my bowl. i pretty much started over last night. which negates my 3 weeks of work on my first bowl.
son of a bitch.
i'll be in there alot this weekend working. hell i'm sure i'll go insane.

i need to read and start actually studying for some of my tests. i have one on friday. i will do this instead of writing in this damn journal. have a good week.

current mood: hungry
current music: bouncing souls

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Sunday, February 6th, 2005
11:10 pm - i'm not the one you want babe, i will only let you down.
i guess this weekend was pretty good, even if i felt crappy towards the end.
i got to have some fun. and tubing was probally the most fun i've had in a long, long time. i love laughing that hard. it barely comes out anymore. but i was really glad to spend time with laura and jason. cause they are adorable together. and kate and sam are always a great time. i felt good when i was with them.
i saw fred. i'm not sure what to say about that. i feel things changing. i really can't say now what the hell i'm thinking with him. i feel confident in my decisions one second and then it completely flips. i feel good with him. very happy when we're together. but theres so much more. so complicated and tough trying to predict it will all turn out. i just have no clue what to do. WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?
there isn't an answer.
i have to live for me. like do everything i ever wanted to do and actually get out and do things, not just hope for something to come along. really. it's quite a problem.
i watched both united states of leland(galetka) and adaptation this weekend. they were both great. i love to watch good films.

i found old disks with pictures on them from wrestling season and france. holy poop, wrestling was quite the year junior year. what obsessions and funny stuff. i love it! i absolutely loved everyday of wrestling it's something i think of alot. god.

i wish i took some pictures this weekend. then i could post them. i wish i saw belle this weekend. i wish i loved coming back as much as i used to. i wish i talked to my parents for once in my life. i wish i saw some old friends.
i wish... i wish i was a little bit taller. i wish i was a baller. i wish i had a girl if i did i would call her....

it ain't me babe, it aint me you're looking for babe.

current mood: pessimistic
current music: bob fucking dylan

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Saturday, February 5th, 2005
9:45 am - what can i say, i'm pretty sweet.
If you read this,
even if I don't speak to you often,you must post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad,just so long as it happened.
Then post this to your journal to see what people remember about you.

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Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005
8:37 pm - i'm dreadfully sorry...
mondays and wednesday are definately the best days. mainly cause i have both studios that day and one class i really like. so i'm set.
today was great. i felt i understood everything in oceanography-which is always a good feeling. and then glass was terrific today. i got some really good gathers which i haven't been lately. it all seemed to snap for me today. i think i did really well. i also got to stay after with my partner, dave. which was great to get some extra experience and to chat with people. thats the best part of that clas- it's very comfortable. nobody stands out too much, but everyone seems easy to talk to. which helps me not dread it. and then i got to relax. and i had a dream with enrique in it!!!(not iglaseis) but also emilea rippen was in it too, which was weird. i don't like when random people get into my dreams-except for enrique. he's welcome anytime.
but i started running with scissors. i like it. and i highly recommend lullaby. i love, love, loved it! i think i liked it more than diary. it was great! but i just feel great today. everything is just feeling at peace and calm-which is exactly what i needed (except i got bounty) i'm just feeling like i've accepted everything. i'm not fighting it much anymore. i don't even feel like i want to go home friday. i will, but i could stay her another week. tomorrow i think we're going to the rec. trying to make it a point to go there tues/thurs.

jewelry was great tonight. i thought of some really good sketches/models i must draw out for this project. like really great ones i actually love. kind of a volumous form that tapers at both ends and has some sort of backbone. like a dinosaur type shape but the center is open and each peice is made of tubing.. and the bowl sits int he middle and somehow i will make the 2 peices connect around it so you can't get it out. and then it will be held up by these spikey/nail-like circle.. and the nails go right into the bowl (where i will drill holes to hold it up) i'm not even sure it that describes it well. but i'm really excited about it. i want it to be something i work hard on and am proud of. all will be a matte copper without patina. (maybe the bowl will have a dark color) and it'd be like 15"x6"x6" maybe. but i did waste time in class making a template for nothing! since it was too big. damn. so i will have to do that tonight/tomorrow and work hard friday to catch up.

i saw some information about taking summer classes in italy where you get credits for art history/sociology/italian. and it seemed great. it is being planned by an art history professor. it seemed really cool, and i saw stuff for a summer in mali, africa. and in costarica/dom.republic/australia/newzealand which i've heard is an amazing/life changing trip. i dont know how this would fit into my schedule. (i figure i'll be here 4.5 semesters) but if it could work out, i might need to do something like that next summer.

thurs: classes, rec
friday: oceanography, moniter studio, go home, see fred?
saturday: tubing with the gang
sunday: come back, studio

project runway is on. i suggest you watch it, it's fantastic.
have the best possible week!

current mood: giddy
current music: elliott smith

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