| I NEED A LJ CODE |
[08 Dec 2003|06:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
Does any1 hav a Livejournal code they can give me? I wud really appreciate it....Thanx
Email me the code at coco4001@aol.com ;o)
|
|
| Home Sick...Kinda |
[21 Oct 2003|11:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
discontent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Marigold" (Nirvana) |
] |
Yea well I stayed home from school 2day. I told my grandma that I had a real bad tummy ache and she bought it and called me in sick. I mean I know that I dont feel sick 2day but I do feel kinda wierd 2day or depressed or sumthing like that and I just dint wanna go 2 school feeling this way.
I dont know wut the hell is wrong wit me I think I am depressed. I think sumthing is bothering me, but I hide my feeling soo damn much that I cant even figure out wut the problem is. I think that is it. I feel this deep seeded pain and it wont go away. I really think that it is cuz guy (step father) is going back 2 jail after he has been on bail and the case dont look 2 good 4 him. Ok ya know wut that aint even it Corinne!! I mean guy is part of it but...FUCK y do I always exclude my fucking feelings like it dont bother me? Why do I say 2 myself that it dont bother me no more? Why do I tell myself that I am OVER IT? I'm not over my mom's death I fucking miss the hell outta her. I miss her so much that every time I even think of her I can feel my insides tightening and my anger growing. Do u know hard hard it is 2 tell urself each day that ur mom is gone and that u will NEVER see her again? Itz fucking annoying as hell.
My mom was exactly like me. I relate nuthing 2 my dad. I am my MOM. My mom was an older version of me and I relize that now. I need her cuz my dad doesnt undestand anything. I need 2 talk 2 her like old times. She always made me feel better. My life sux without her and I CANT TAKE IT. Now my step dad is going 2 jail again and I have no1 2 share my mothers memories with so she will slowly dissapear. Life wud be so less harsh on me if she was still around. I know she wud not overeact on my mistakes like my dad does. I know she wud understand that I am a growing gurl who needs 2 live her own life. Thats the way my mom was...she understood all of that cuz she thought just like me and now I have nothing.
I dont hav an older figure that can understand where I am coming from cuz she is dead. The only person that cud EVER make everything better is gone. I am stuck with my father who is a stubburn man that makes me feel like shit everytime I make a tiny error. My mom wud understand...yea she wud. God I am so weak. So fucking weak. I thought addmitting that I am NOT fine with my moms death wud help me feel better...well it dint. It made me relize more that I am ALONE with my thoughts and feelings. There was no1 like my MOM, except me. I lost my other half. So now its all done and I am WEAK.
SHIT I NEED SUM FUCKING NIRVANA *GOOD-BYE*
|
|
| Toys & Holloween |
[18 Oct 2003|08:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Will You Be My Girl?" (Jet) |
] |
Ahh 2day was such a good day...2 bad it had 2 end so early. Me, John, Logan, and Cuban went 2 TOYS R US and it was awesome. I neva thought going in a toystore even at 17 wud be soo much fun but it really was. We like ran around the toystore looking at all kinds of shit. The main reason y I went there was 2 get a Ouija Board 4 my Holloween Party next Saturday. After leaving the toystore we walked 2 the J. V. Mall 2 get Holloween costumes and buy a couple other shit...I'm being a hippie 4 Holloween muahahha!! and my b/f (John) is a Gynecologist lol...it says Doctor Seymour Bush on the Doc coat hehehe.
I usually wud stay at John's until like 12:30 but he had 2 go 2 a going away party 4 his friend Mike so I went home at 7. He felt bad cuz he felt like he was ditching me cuz he just found out at the mall when his friend called on the cell. I was like I UNDERSTAND its aiiight I aint no psycho controlling bitch. I really did wanna hang out with him longer sooooooooooo bad 2day though, but oh well shit happens.
I cant wait until next Saturday 4 my Holloween party. I'm gonna have soo much food and shit and we are all gonna be dressed up and play with the Ouija Board ooooooh ahhhh. So far the people who are coming are Mark, Sarah, Rich, John, Cuban, Logan, and Shannon...more will probably be added on during the week so we will see. I'm trying 2 find a way we can sumhow drink b4 or after my party but that might be risky. I wish my dad wud just allow us all 2 get a keg 4 the party...I mean come on I am 17 that is old enuff right?? lol
* I miss John already :o( *
|
|
| We Will Love U Just The Way U Are...If Ur Perfect |
[11 Oct 2003|01:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Perfect" (Alanis Morisette) |
] |
This is soo damn dumb. B4 my dad goes 2 work this morning he comes in my room and is like "wait 4 me 2 come home b4 u do anything 2night, I want to talk 2 you about this" so then he hands me the 3 cut slips I got in the mail 4 fuckin GYM. I was like "dad im not failing anything" and hes like "its just as bad ur CUTTING"...big fricken deal my god its gym and I only did it 3 times and I never planned on doing it again. The only reason I cut is cuz I had a sprained ankle 4 the last month and I wud not have played in gym anyway I wud hav sat out like I do everyday...so there was no point in going 2 gym so I cut. But noooo my dad dont know that cuz he had 2 rush 2 work and doesnt hav time 2 talk 2 me till he gets home. I gotta wait till 6:45 to hear his damn lectures again. Its not even worth listening 2. Its not like I was planning 2 cut again or anything and it was only 3 times and GYM is a dumb class anyway GEEEEZ.
The part that really pisses me off is that I am good kid. I dont do drugs. I follow my parents rules. I hardly get in trouble. I do good in school. I am respectful. WUT MORE DOES HE WANT?? I am not allowed 2 make 1 tiny mistake without him giving me that DISAPOINTED look. I hate that look. He looks at me like I'm the most horrible kid in the world when I make the tinniest error. I CANT BE PERFECT!!
He better not take any of my damn privlages away. I am acually feeling happy and content this year and he is jsut gonna screw it up by giving me a 3 hour lecture and taking away shit from me. I am guessing he is gonna limit my curfew or start pointing the finger at people like my b/f. When he is mad at me he tries 2 blame the things I do on sum1 ANY1 especially if I had a b/f. UGHH this sux FUCK U DADDY GO 2 HELL!!!!!! I AINT THE PERFECT LIL GURL THAT U WANT ME 2 BE...GET OVER IT ALREADY!!!
|
|
| You Breathe...I Burn |
[06 Oct 2003|08:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 gloomy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"I Burn" (Toadies) |
] |
This dieing need 2 please every1 is starting 2 turn against me. Can't say if I really know who I am. I mean I know my basics...the sculpted part of me. I just cant seem 2 have a voice. I never was 1 to speak up 4 myself. I just try and say the shit that will please most people. But dont get me wrong...I dont care about the peeps that dont matter in my life. I am talking about my friends, family, boyfriend, teachers...ect. Those are the people I have trouble dealing with. I feel so traped when I have 2 make them all happy and make them all feel comfortable. Like for example...when my b/f wants me 2 ask my dad if I can just stay a lil later or if I can chill after school...I am afraid 2 ask cuz that going agaisnt my dads rules and I feel guilty 4 not asking 4 my b/f.
I hate when I have 2 choose which 1 I HAVE 2 make happy. I feel like a failure in most parts. Hmmm I think I have a problem with trying 2 please every1...I cant even please myself. My standards I put upon me are beyond all reality and I KNOW THIS, I just cant help it.
4 the most part of my day I feel GUILT. Something out of the day will make me feel guilty...I never say anything though cuz its hard 4 me 2 talk about shit thru speech. I was always better at writing my feelings down cuz when I try 2 say it, well the words just never come out right.
Sumtimes when sumthing bothers me and I cant do nuthing about it I kinda make rude/kidding remarks out of spite. I do this quite frequently, especially with John. Its kinda my way of saying the shit that bugs me but without getting in a BIG DISCUSSION over it. The stuff that bugs me can not be changed or fixed...so y bother disscussing it? Thats y I make those sarcastic remarks I guess...its just another way in getting the thing that piss me off out in the open (like I said be4...I was never good at having a voice)
I feel guilty 4 the shit I do sumtimes. Oh well there aint nuthing I can do or u can do about it. I cant even figure out myself half the damn time. *PEACE*
|
|
| Looking Foward 2 The Future |
[30 Sep 2003|09:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Good Riddance" (Green Day) |
] |
Aiight well Imma start writing in this thing more frequently so everybody listen up. I aint gonna be as honest in this thing cuz I found out sum peeps are reading it that I dont feel comfortable reading...acually wait I DONT CARE lol I write wut I want say wut I want so DONT read it if u gonna have a problem wit me. Just dont question me or argue with me about it AIGGHT yea.
So 2day was another school day. Nuthing special really went on just same old crap, my life is so damn boring without the summer. John came over 2day and that was fun cant wait till the weekend YAY. DEFF no drinking this weekend I get hurt everytime I drink first I hurt my ankle now I got a bruse on my thigh ughh Im such a cluts.
Im starting drivers Ed in October so hopefully I will be driving by this spring and acually have a life. I feel like I am missing out on life or wut not. I feel like I am supposed 2 be experiencing so much more than wut I am going thru. Itz sad ya kno? All I can remember about high school so far was the DRAMA...is that all high school is about in all reality? Cuz high school aint nuthing u see on Boy Meets World or sum cheesy teen movie where every1 gathers 2gether and ENJOYS thier young teen lives. Maybe sum hav it like that, but I dont hav many friends 2 hav a damn gathering all the time plus I dont hav a car so our choices are limited. The only time people gather around is either 2 drink or smoke pot...they dont do it just 4 the fun in joining 2gether anymore.
I cant wait 2 be 18 I wanna move out so bad. I wanna be free. I dont wanna hav limits or dumb rules in which I try 2 break anyway. I dont wanna feel paranoid if I wanna go hang out with my b/f after school instead of doing my hw as soon as I get home. I dont wanna feel traped in this nosey ass small town. I wanna live wutz ME, cuz that I kno will make me happy. 2 live on my own is when I can start 2 acually enjoy life free of paranoia. Not in high school cuz shyt dont work out as smooth as u thought it wud be. I am sick of pleasing every1 else. Being the good child. Taking the blame 4 every damn thing. I am sick of NOT having my own voice. I want my freedon. I want my peace at mind. I deserve it!!! *LATAZ*
|
|
| I am bored |
[24 Sep 2003|05:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
yea I am bored. I hav nuting 2 wright...sorry 4 being so lazy my blurty buddies I promise I will start commenting soon.
|
|
| School Sux |
[09 Sep 2003|08:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"When It's Over" (Sugar Ray) |
] |
Blahhh I hate school I MISS summer soo much and its only been a week. I only like 2 of my teachers and the rest I totally wanna shoot thier head off ughh this sux.
On other news I LOVE JOHN soooo damn much he is the bestest fuckin boyfriend ever he is just perfect I love him. This Friday we are all going 2 White Beach in Verplank 2 hav a mini party wit like 7 other people itz gonna be fun. Drinkin on a beach at night by a fire with close friends (especially my b/f) is just amazing. We all did that last friday and it was funnn cept my friend Sarah was not there but she is coming this time 4 suuuure YAY cant wait. I miss hanging wit John cuz in the summer we were used 2 chillen like 5 days a week and now its just down 2 the weekends Nooooooooo I HATE SCHOOL ITZ TORTURE.
~Aiiight thats it 4 now BYE BYE BYE~
|
|
| Interview |
[27 Aug 2003|01:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"California" (Phantom Planet) |
] |
1 - favorite band and why? Nirvana ALWAYS and 4ever cuz Kurt Cobain is a lyrical genious and every song he makes is absolutly amazing
2 - best place to live and why? California or South Carolina cuz of the beaches and parties
3 - britney or christian and why? Christina cuz she acually has talent
4 - favorite food and why? Chinese cuz it is heaven (I have a chinese buffet called King Buffet near me and it is my salvation lol)
5 - um...... lj or blurty? and why? Blurty cuz I never really tried lj
What YOU do:
1 -- Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 -- I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3 -- You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 -- You'll include this explanation.
5 -- You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed
|
|
| I'm In Total Manic |
[17 Aug 2003|10:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 geeky |
] |
hmmm ok well I feel fine 2day. My depresion and hate 4 myself only was 4 last night and now I am happy 2day. I'm just a wierd person, my moods change way 2 frequently. My hate 4 people will always be consistant but I dont like being depressed over stupid shit that happened in my past so I just dont care..wuts dun is dun and there aint nothing I can do 2 change that.
Ok well now that I said that I gotta appologise 4 my inactivity on this blurty thing. I hav been real buzy and just hav been 2 darn lazy 2 type. So heres a lil brief update on wut u all hav missed sinced I have been gone
1) My friend Richie came back from Military school and he is such a change person...he is so much more mature now and I love it
2)I went tanning and I'm really fricken dark now
3)Me and John said "I Love You" 4 the first time
4)We had a major blackout that lasted 4 a few hours and it effected a couple other states
5)I have been trying 2 seriouly loose weight and havent beeen eating anything (i'll stop when school starts)
6)School starts in 2 weeks and I am so scared
Currently I just got back from chillen with John, Marc, and Logan. They basically were just sk8ting and shit. Marc is moving away in 2days and I am sad cuz I'm gonna miss that kid. We are gonna all have a going away party 4 him 2mmorrow starting at like 10:30 in the morniing since no1 will be home at Marcs 4 a while hahaha. Aight well I'll tell yall how everything goes *Peace*
|
|
| I Hate My Past |
[17 Aug 2003|01:59am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Isreals Son" (Silverchair) |
] |
WOW I feel like shit
I feel like a fucked up bitch sleeping with rashad back in January
I was just remined of it now and it sux
I hate that I made a dumb mistake
I hate the fact that I just dint say NO
I hatet that I have 2 live with this fact 4 the rest of my life
Im such a bitch
I hate myself
I will write more later...FUCK THIS
|
|
| Weeeeeeeeeee |
[07 Aug 2003|05:42am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Wish You Were Here" (Pink Floyd) |
] |
OK lets see...2day I went 2 the mall with my stepdad and my b/f. It was an ok day I guess except my stepdad was with us the whole time so me and John kinda felt uncomfy doing sum stuff we usually wud do so we acted like lil angels.
My best friends Sweet 16 is 2mmorrow and I got her gift 2day YAY... HAPPY BIRTHDAY RENE!!!
After I got Rene's gift we all saw Pirates of the Carribien, which by the way is an awsome movie. Pirates are cool hehehe. I dont know about any1 else but after watching that movie...dont u just have the urge 2 become a pirate? that wud be the life a pirates life 4 me yo ho ho a pirates life 4 me...lol idk maybe itz just me.
It was Shawns (ex in-between relationship) B-day the other day 2 he is 18 now WOW thatz old lol. I sent him a lil email just saying Happy B-day just 2 be friendly :o). So he called 2 say thank you and make fun of me...but hey all my friends do that so its all good. I still feeel bad 4 wut I did 2 him in the beggining of the year errr I suck. Anyway he said he wanted 2 chill sumtime over summer but summer is nearing the end and he is leaving 4 college in a week. Hmm but he is a wierd kid. He called and told me that he wud giv me and call the other day 2 see if we can chill and of course NO CALL. Eh I dont care eventually we will chill I guess.
I'm going 2 go tanning and get my nails done 2mmorrow with Sarah fun fun fun. Her b/f Richie is coming home Sunday. His mom sent him away 2 Military School back in Febuary and he has been gone ever since sooo we all cant wait 2 see him again. Sarah is gonna look so pretty 4 him when he comes home...she is going 4 the Christina Aguliera look since she is a blonde and looks kinda like her. Awww thats gonna look so cute when they first see eacother after 6 months of NO contact at all. It's gonna be like one of those war movies when the husband finally comes home after being away at war...lol well kinda
WOW its late and I cant sleep...I'm gonna go try and get sum rest *GOODNIGHT*
|
|
| Better YAY |
[01 Aug 2003|02:04am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 thirsty |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Bent" (Matchbox 20) |
] |
YAY I am feeling so good 2day. Maybe cuz I had a good day or sumthing...I dont fucking know. I hung out with John and Mark most of the day. Today was the last day John wud hav the house alone :o( lol I hope his mom dont find out we were there. Yea so yesturday was a real drag (sorry 4 being bitchy 4 no reason) I hate when I have depressing days like those. I guess when I feel an emotion of any kind that emotion just gets so overpowering and it never really goes away until the next day GOD DAMN why am I such a freak? Oh well who cares...I think im doing fine so fuck with those gown-ups think.
Yea so I havent really written a song in a while until last night. I think I just automatically write songs when I have an INTENSE emotion just so I can get all my moods out on paper. I got like about 20 songs...Im such a loser. I dont really have beats 2 the songs that I write. Itz just kinda flowy and poetic like, but it does hav a chorus and shit like that, I just dont hav any beats 4 them. Hopefully I can get 2 that recording studio with Guy soon so we can start working on my music pronto...Thats gonna be so much fun, I cant wait.
Alright well Im out 4 the night. I'll leave u all with this wonderful song I wrote yesturday while I was in my ANGRY mood. In this song I'm talking to my manic disorder as if it was a person cuz I hate it and basically in this song I am telling it 2 FUCK OFF (yea, I'm not crazy right? lol enjoy)
"I Hate You"
I hate you and I want you dead
You twist my moods
My angers' turning a deeper red
Fuck you and your apathy
I don’t want you
Too tired to give my blood to breathe
When I feel pain
I hear you
When I’m frustrated
I see you
You just want me dead
I stay alive instead
Just to know, Just to hear you
For eternity you will breathe in me
I need to ask a question
I hear you calling out my name
Wut is it you want from me?
Trying to see if I'll go insane
You only bring gifts of anxiety
Slowly taking the life outta me
I hate you
You’re so good to me
Take me now
Come on take me away
You fuck with me...as hard as you can
Just to see how much my mind will take
I will forget anyway
The memory will erase
Just come, come around any random day
You get your claws into my mind
Twisting me away
Testing senses when I’m alone
Someone Stay…Please Stay
When I feel pain
I hear you
When I’m frustrated
I see you
You just want me dead
I stay alive instead
Just to know, Just to hear you
For eternity you will breathe in me
|
|
| I Just Dont Know |
[30 Jul 2003|09:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"I Feel So" (Box Car Racer) |
] |
I feel so sad right now. I feel so annoyed. I feel so angry. I feel so frustrated. But the real crazy thing is...I dont know y I feel this way. I dont know wut caused it. I just feel this overpowering sadness and anger 4 no reason at all. I havent felt this bad in awhile. I guess cuz I wasnt buzy 2day. I like 2 stay buzy cuz then I stay HYPER and HAPPY like when Im chillen with my friends or sumthing. But when I am alone or having nuthing 2 do I get so damn depressed and irritated and anxcious. My mood changes when I am alone. I dont like being left alone wit my own thoughtz cuz then I get wierd. I wanna be an indeppendent person so bad, but I cant seem 2 handle being by myself. I feel like such a pest like a leech or sumthing. I must annoy the hell outta people with my deppendentness. EKK I gotta change!!!
I feel like crying right now 4 no reason. And I am pissed that I can feel the tears fillen up my eyes. I never cry, I cant even remmember the last time I cried. I hate crying so damn much and when I feel like I am about 2 cry I get ANGRY. So I am very angry and pissed off right now. I also feel guilty cuz I was kinda bitchy 2 John on the fone and I was not mad at him at all but idk I just was acting strangly. I hav been doin that about half of 2day. This afternoon I was alright, but then when night time rolled around and I did nuthing all day I got depressed. I started acting really obnoxious 2 my parents and bitchy 2 my b/f...UGH I'm such a horrible person. I seriouly cud not help my attitude on the fone, I really tried 2 be normal but my anger was so damn STRONG...it was wierd. I guess Im kinda starting 2 settle down now, I just feel very tired now.
I guess they are right, I guess I am a Manic-Deppressant. I went 2 the Docs 2day 2 get my precription 2 help it...I guess that kinda pissed me off that I had a professional tell me that I still have this disorder...now I know its true. I just thought my parents were the crazy ones and they were making me out 2 seem like I had the fuckin problem...well now there is proof that I am the 1 with the problem ::Sighs:: I was almost postive I was doing better cuz I was really trying, but I guess u cant just try and ignore sumthing thats apart of u. So I think getting my medication 2day 4 my "disorder" accually put me in a MANIC state of mind...thats ironic dont ya think? a lil 2 ironic and yea I really do think (sorry got carried away wit that Alanis Morrisette shit)
Oh well I am taking this medication called EFFEXOR XR. Hmm never heard of that shit until 2day...hope it works. If any of yall have or are currently taken EFFEXOR XR pleez giv me ur perspective on it. I really hope it works. I was a lil angry b4 that every1 was telling me that I need 2 take meds, but after the way I just acted on the fone wit my awsome b/f I really wanna take it and get fully recoverd so that I will be normal ALL the time. *PEACE*
|
|
| PICTURE TEST |
[22 Jul 2003|04:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
This is a pic of my cuzin fran and me (Im in the black top and fran is in the red)
**MORE PICS 2 COME NOW THAT I FIGUERED OUT HOW 2 POST PICS YAY**
|
|
| My Week |
[20 Jul 2003|01:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Anas Song" (Silverchair) |
] |
Hmmm lets see I hav been kinda busy lately...Me Sarah and Rene finnally went 2 Six Flags Great Adventure on Thursday sooo that was alot of fun.
Yesturday I hung out with my b/f John and we went 2 the Italian Feast...I love fairs!!!! ya I kno Im a dork but who cares? We got caught in the rain soo that kinda sucked so we went back 2 his house and chilled until 12:30. I put on sum of his clothes since mine were wet and we cuddled while watching a movie soo that was cute. I am soo happy that my dad is letting me do more stuff now that I am 17. He dont really care how late I stay out or if I go 2 parties sooo itz all goood now.
2day I went 2 the feast again since it was nice out with John and my best friend Rene. I saw Sarah and Kristy there 4 a lil bit so that was cool. I saw alot of people I hate there 2 but thatz nuthing new.
I found out who was talking shit about me...her name is NIKKI UREZZIO lol. Ok this chick brags about giving head and admitts she LOVES taking guys virginities and she is talking shit about me and calling me a slut hahahaha thats sooo fricklin hysterical. Ok listen bitch shut the fuck up U are pathetic, I never did anything wrong 2 u sooo just shut ur mouth or better yet open ur mouth REALLY wide and suck another dick (since we all kno u do that alot anyway). Oh yea and I kno that u were talking 2 John and saying "Arent u pissed that U could hav lost ur virginity 2 me" LOL sorry hun but he is thankful he dint. And another thing STAY AWAY from my friend Mark...he is 2 good 4 u so suck it bitch. I cant believe u are trying 2 tell my b/f that I gav 12 guys head, are u insane? I havent even kissed that many guys so stop pulling shit outta ur ass.
Aight Im out 4 the night. I really HATE gurls cuz they always talk sooo much shit. I kno that I am a gurl but I am not like most gurls. I try 2 be friendly 2 every1 and I am not into gossip talk. I am starting 2 relize that being kind 2 every1 doesnt pay off. No matter how nice I am 2 people sum are gonna hate me and talk shit about me no matter wut...ugh that really SUX. I am disgusted with people. I trust no1. *GOODNIGHT*
|
|
| Crazy |
[14 Jul 2003|03:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Crazy Diamond" (Pink Floyd) |
] |
Here we go I finally feel depressed again. I havent felt depressed in over 3 weeks, thatz a record 4 me. Itz just I here so much shit being talked about me, but that dint cause my depression it just fizzled it. Yesturday was the first day since summer started that I have stayed home all day and of course me and my grandma got in a huge fight. OK there is 1 thing u shud all know about my grandma.....she is a phycho. She has fuckeing OCD or sumthing. She has the NEED 2 make sure EVERYTHING is organized ugh. She also feels the need 2 treat me like she is my mother even though my father makes the rules she feels like she always has 2 butt in. Sooo I yelled at here last night cuz she was yelling at me telling me that im rediculous cuz I cant organize my things. Wait ok here is sumwut how the convo went.
Grandma: "Your gonna organize these draws this is rediculous"
Me: "They are fine STOP going in my room...Its my room I can organize my stuff the way I want 2"
Grandma: "I do the laundry around here so u do as I say...when u do the laundry than u can organize as u pleez"
Me: "Fine I will do my own laundry...Now get outta my room"
Grandma: "Hey get back here, do not giv me an attitude"
Me: "Wut? now u aint gotta worry about my laundry no more so now u never have 2 go in my room again"
Grandma: "O I will still come in ur room"
Me: "Yea I know u will so wuts the point in me doing my own laundry?...Stop being an obssesed freak"
Grandma: "I cant beleive u are talking 2 me like this I am so dissapointed...where is the respect?"
Me: "I have respect...I just am NOT gonna keep my mouth shut anymore cuz I wanna speak my mind"
Grandma: "Why dont u ever listen? Why do u always pick a fight with me?...U seem 2 enjoy making me miserable"
Me: "Cuz I dont like living here and when I turn 18 I am moving out...I hate it here"
Grandma: "U hurt me so bad 2day Corinne I hope u know that, but u probably dont care...NEVER ask me 4 favors ever again until U appologize and relize wut u hav done 2 me"
Me: "Fine I dont care I dont want anything from u"
Well that was the brief version of the fight...it went on for 2 hours lol but that is the main points of it. I hate my grandma soo much she dont relize how fricken annoying she is. The only thing that really sux is now I dont hav a ride anywhere in the daytime but that dont matter I could just walk cuz all the places I go only take 30 min 2 walk 2 so wutever. I hope she dies she makes my life hell. She makes me NEVER wanna be home. I am gonna try and go out 2day cuz I cant take this shit so peace out.
|
|
| SHUT THE FUCK UP |
[12 Jul 2003|02:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cranky |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Radio Friendly Music Shifter" (Nirvana) |
] |
I fucking hate all you Hen Hud assholes and bitches. Why the fuck am I still hearing shit being talked about me? Seriously get over it. The me and Rashad thing happened fucking 7 months ago and it was a MISTAKE. I regret wut happened soooo much and I will NEVER do sumthing that dumb again. I have realized my 1 mistake and have corrected it but peeps talking shit about me dont help. I AM NOT A FUCKING SLUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate hearing that peeps are talking shit about me I just hate it.
John just called me and told me this kid from my grade called me a slut. This kid tells my b/f "OMG ur going out with Corinne she is such a slut, she gave head 2 like 12 guys and I can name them all 2" "I also find it surprising that she is going out with a white guy". OK wut the fuck 12 guys???? LOL I wud fucking Never lower myself 2 that sorry.
Since all you people are sooo fuccking interested in talking about my life yet never finding out the RIGHT facts here is a list of wut I have fucking done and I dont give a FUCK wut any1 thinks cuz I am so fricken delirious right now and pissed and I'm just gonna spill....
Yes, I had sex. I had sex with 2 guys. One guy was my boyfriend for a year and we waited for 6 months b4 doing anything and I loved him at the time. The other guy was a MISTAKE. He was the ONLY mistake I made. I dint make 12 mistakes I made 1 so get it right. It just happened and I am truly sorry for it. I apologize for my stupidity. Yes, I have given head...but not to 12 guys just 1. And yet again the one guy I EVER gave head 2 was my boyfriend of a year so FUCK OFF. I have NEVER done anything remotely sexual 2 any1 else besides those 2 guys. My one mistake was a 1 time thing. I regret it and I was stupid but I wud highly NOT consider myself a slut and John knows that.
OK so there u have it. Those are the TRUE facts. Stop making up shit who ever u are. John dint tell me who u were but wutever cuz all u shit talkers are the same. I HATE U ALL! BLAHHH call me a slut I dont care cuz I kno I am not and the people I care about know that I am not. I hate how the mistake about me and Rashad went around school in January and peeps are still talking about it and making up rumors that are not true. Its like just cuz they found out that I had sex with sum1 they figure I do that all the time with lots of other guys. Well, I dont cuz I am not like that soooo pleez STOP making up false hook ups I never had. This is ridiculous every1 needs 2 grow up. Is ur life that boring that u gotta make up and talk shit about me without even knowing a single shit about me? Enuff is enuff I trust no1 I hate people with a fucking passion Fuck U ALL.
P.S.- thank You John 4 yelling at that kid 4 me and not believeing the lies. Thanx 4 knowing the REAL me and knowing that I am not how other people perceive me 2 be. Thank you for sticking up 4 me and 4 everything. Thank you 4 ur trust in me and ur loyalty. Just Thank you 4 knowing and Loving me 4 me...Thank you 4 being different **GOODNIGHT**
|
|
| Huff My Baby Is Hurt |
[08 Jul 2003|07:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sympathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"I Hate Myself And Want 2 Die" (Nirvana) |
] |
So yesturday me, Mark, Dillan and John were all chillen. While we were walking 2 Mark's grandmaz house there was a long hill going down and John wanted 2 skate down it. He wanted me and him 2 sit down on the board and roll down the hill. I said no at first but then I gave in and we were rolling down the side of the street on a skateboard lol.
So then a few seconds later John accidently puts his hands down on the ground while we were skating and the wheels ran over his fingers OUCH. His fingers were bleeding sooo much and 1 of his nails had ripped off and the other nail was half way off. Marks grandma put bandaids on his 2 fingers 4 the mean time. Then he hung out with me the rest of the day in pain ;-( and went home.
2day he calls me and tells me he went 2 the doctors 2 check out his fingers and his 2 fingers are BROKEN. The doctor had 2 rip off the nail that was half way off and give him a shot with this big ass needle in his fingers. AWW I felt so bad 4 him. He said it was the worst pain he had ever felt in his life. Now he cant even use his right hand and he is right-handed so that sux. It will take 1 month, the doctor said, for his figers 2 get better and it will take 6 months for his nails 2 grow back. He cant skate for 48 hours and he is having trouble doing regular tasks and is in HORIBLE pain...AHHHH that really sux the big 1.
Oh well I hope John feels better 4 my Birthday 2mmorrow YAY. I am turning 17 in a few hours soo thatz awsome. I dont feel like having a big friends party so Im just having Rene, Sarah and John over and then the rest of the part guests will be like around 20 of my dumbass relatives (kill me now). Rene and Sarah are supposed 2 sleep over 2mmorrow and then we are all supposed 2 go 2 Six Flags Great Adventure on Thursday, if it dont rain, but it probably is gonna rain knowing my luck. **LATERS**
|
|
| Thoughtz Racing Thru My Head |
[03 Jul 2003|04:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 curious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Just A Little Girl" (Amy Studt) |
] |
Yea so my cuzin from Florida came by 2 visit 2day blah I dont like most of my family but wuteva. All my family does is Complain Complain Complain ughhh i cant stand it they are driving me crazy.
My Birthday is coming up soon JULY 9th yay!!! I will be turning 17 and yet I dont feel that old. In a year I will be legally considered an adult...WOW scary thought. Maybe I dont feel 17 cuz my parents treat me like I am 12 blahhhhh.
I feel like my relationship with John is moving 2 fast...not in a sexual way just emotionally fast. We get along so great its really wierd. I feel like we have known eachother 4ever (FYI: we have only known eachother 4 a month) and its wierd cuz I wasnt even wanting sumthing like this. I was NOT looking 4 sum1 that I wanted 2 be with 4 a long time but I guess I accidentaly found it. My last relationship was 1 year and I dint want another long term relationship but it looks like it is gonna turn out 2 be 1 cuz John is AWSOME.
Ok I need sum ADVICE cuz I am a moron. John is 15 and he aint turning 16 until January and I am turning 17 next week. Now I really dont wanna sound superficial but I usually go 4 older guys and I never would have pictured myself with a younger guy cuz idk it makes me feel odd...like I am pathetic or sumthing. Is it wierd-looking 4 a gurl 2 go out with a younger guy? like is it looked down upon?
O and also John neither LOOKS or ACTS his own age. He acts more mature than my last b/f who was a year older than me and treats me alot better than any other guy I have been with. He looks about 16 or 17 cuz he aint that short and is rather built. O and this DOES NOT change how I feel about him I just wanted 2 see wut others think of the whole 1 1/2 year difference thing. Cuz I know 4 a fact that peeps will say shyt about me going out with a younger guy when I go back 2 school cuz I got a lot of trash talking Bitches in my school but wuteva. I dont get y it is no problem 4 a guy 2 go out with a younger gurl but than when a gurl goes out with a younger guy the reaction of sum people will be..."Eww she's going out with a Sophmore and she is a Junior like wtf that is like so disgusting?"
*Well FUCK YOU in advance 2 all u bitches @ HEN HUD...just stay outta my life. I seriously could not have asked 4 a better guy, it just so happens he is a lil bit younger than me soo GRRR*
|
|