| your eyes are the size of the moon.. |
[04 Jun 2008|06:46pm] |
hung out with bonnie yesterday morning
smoked, dranked, talked, chilled
talked to billy for like 4 hours or so
worked today 10-6
working again tomorrow, probably same hours
16 fucking days left til florida
myspace is being a pain in the ass and won't let me log in
i'm going to stab my computer in the face
off friday, going to a party with michele and her friends
i have so many goddamn mosquito bites
those fucking bugs love my ass
and it's so itchy now
i fucking hate mosquitos, i can only imagine how horrible they will be in fl.
let's hope these next 16 days flyyyyyyyyyyyy byyyyyyyy
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| pour the champaigne |
[02 Jun 2008|09:11am] |
What I don't like about getting drunk?
-waking up alone
-waking up with a burn on my leg
-waking up STILL drunk with work in an hour
yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
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| i'm a soulja boy |
[28 May 2008|06:18pm] |
life is amazing
never thought i'd be happy, let alone, find someone who loved me as much as i loved them
i guess i was wrong when i said i'd love jesse forever, and OH AM I GLAD I WAS WRONG
yeahhh
fuck jesse, fuck don, fuck jessi, fuck alaska, fuck shaun fig
SCREW THEM ALL, I JUST NEED MY BILLY
some of my friends have been dillweeds lately, but what else is new
i don't even give a fuck
I'M GIVEAFUCKLESS.
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| <3 something like a phenomena |
[27 May 2008|08:18am] |
Correction: not going to Florida for 3 weeks, but for 36 days.
And then once I see The Foo Fighters and save up like $1,000...
I am moving there.
Not forever, just til he gets his shit together and we can both move up here.
But I already know that once I get down there with him, I'll never want to leave his side.
Nope, I plan to run off that plane and into his arms and never ever leave.
I feel like such a giddy asshole...
but I love it.
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| if ever you think you aren't the one, i'll remind you.. |
[17 May 2008|10:28pm] |
So yeah ...Billy is definately the sweetest, most perfect man for me in this entire universe. He makes me so happy. I've picked a date for when I'm going down there...June 20th..I can't even wait. It's only like a month and a few days away but it's driving me crazyyyyyy.
This is what he wrote me yesterday:
hi baby,
I fucking love you too. I have always TRIED to be happy and positive in my life but invariably i always ended up back in the same boat i always was, depressed and lonely. I really started to believe that the only reason love even existed was as a sick joke used to completely destroy those who dared to feel it and try to work with it. I know now that love is revealed to you only once you find the one you're supposed to be with. Only when you find that person with whom you're to spend the rest of your life with, do you truly know what love means. Well, guess what, baby. I know what love is. Love is talking to you on the phone. Love is dreaming about you when i go to bed. Love is thinking about you when i wake up in the morning. Love is finishing each other's sentences. Love is talking about all different kinds of bands and music that we like. BOTH OF US. Baby, love is you........
-It almost made me cry..I never thought I'd hear such beautiful words from someone. I always thought I was meant to be alone and now I know it's the exact opposite, I'm meant to be happy. I fucking love every second of being in love. I never thought it was for me...really... I love it.
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[16 May 2008|09:27pm] |
My hands are searching for you. My arms are outstretched towards you. I feel you on my fingertips. My tongue dances behind my lips for you. I can feel you all around me. Thickening the air I'm breathing. My hands float up above me. And you whisper you love me and I begin to fade into our secret place. The music makes me sway. Take my hand I give it to you. Now you own me. All I am. You said you would never leave me. I believe you. I believe.
I heard so many times, "you've got to take love slow." That's just something said by unsure people who don't know what it's like to fall when you fall with all your heart wanting to be together every second you're apart. Must not know what it feels like to feel like this longing for each moment, waiting for each kiss. I could never love you enough. I could never hold you too tight. Never give too much of my heart. Never spend too many nights with my arms just wrapped around you. Baby, I still can't believe I found you. I could never love you, never love you enough.
Every single night, before you close your eyes
You're wishin he was there with you
And Every single day, you just can't concentrate
Cuz you thinkin' about the things he do
If your friends complain that they just ain't seein you
And it don't seem to faze you
That's when you know, that's when you know..
He's the one
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| i ain't trippin, i juke all day. |
[13 May 2008|09:06am] |
i've never been so in love.
i didn't think it was possible to feel like this.
my cheeks freaking HURT from smiling all of the time..
but i ain't complaining, i love every moment of it.
should be going to florida next month...i can't wait.
spending 3 whole weeks living with my love<3
i fucking love billy evans, yo
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[09 May 2008|06:18pm] |
cool my brains and soothe my head, stimulate me. sneak into my empty bed and educate me.
Do you remember when we first met?
I sure do, it was sometime in early September.
You were lazy about it, you made me wait around.
I was so crazy about you I didn't mind.
around this turn where the cross will cast your shadow, the people will all gather to remember such a day where the flames grew as high as trees, and the world stopped. it stopped for you and me.
don't tell me that it can't be done, that the world is colder without someone. it might get lonely, it might get crazy but this time baby. i'm good as gone.
i would walk on water just to be with you walk on water, just to be with you spill the ocean, cross the sea walk on water, if you believe. but why are you still overshadowed by a doubt? if only you could see, the love that carries me.
clogging up my mind
gotta get it out.
open my mouth and let it out
i've tried, and trust me
it's not the same with anyone but you.
i swear to God it's true.
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[14 Mar 2008|09:52am] |
"I'm so tired. I used to sit like this with my wife. Her name was Claire. She died on 9/11. Nobody saw it coming. I was cleaning out the closet the other day, and I... I found this beach ball. And I remembered it was my wife who blew it up. I never told anybody this, but I got rid of everything that reminded me of Claire. Too painful. The one thing I couldn't throw away was that beach ball. Her breath is still in there."
"Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing."
If someone breaks your heart, just punch
them in the face. Oh sure, it seems obvious
now, but you'd be amazed at how many
people don't think of it when it's relevent.
Seriously, just punch them in the face
and go get some ice cream
o I walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep falling in love
Which is kinda the same
I've sunk out at sea
Crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so good
I want to do it again
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[03 Mar 2008|07:42am] |
In pitch dark I go walking in your landscape
Broken branches trip me as I speak
Just cos you feel it doesn't mean it's there
Just cos you feel it doesn't mean it's there
There's always a siren singing you to shipwreck (don't reach out, don't reach out )
Stay away from these rocks we'd be a walking disaster (don't reach out, don't reach out )
Just cos you feel it doesn't mean it's there (there's someone on your shoulder)
Just coz you feel it doesn't mean it's there (there's someone on your shoulder)
Feel it
Why so green
And lonely
And lonely
And lonely
And lonely
Heaven sent you
To me
To me
To me
To me
We are accidents waiting
Waiting to happen
We are accidents waiting
Waiting to happen
I love that song, finally looked up the name at work cause I can never differentiate what Radiohead is saying. It's There, There. I had a dream last night/this morning that I was living with Don in this secret place and I was supposed to sneak down to see him, but I just went cause I'm stupid and the cop things saw me and started chasing us so we had to run down these stairs away from them. But my brother woke me up to WAKE AND BAKE before I found out what happened. So me and my brother smoked and then I texted Don and he called me like 10 minutes later and I talked til him through traffic til he got to work. Right now I'm in my brother's room, drinking whiskey even though I have work at 10. I'm good like that. Opening with Valerie. I loveeeeeeeeeeeee that girl. I think if Don doesn't ask me out before 3/19, I'm gunna ask him on that day, cause it would have been our 3 year anniversary. ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
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| foo fighters set list |
[29 Feb 2008|09:52am] |
Main stage:
Let It Die
The Pretender
Times Like These
Breakout
Learn To Fly
Cheer Up Boys (Your Makeup is Running)
This Is a Call
Stacked Actors
Acoustic Stage:
Skin and Bones
Marigold
My Hero
Cold Day In The Sun
But, Honestly
Everlong
Main Stage: Monkey Wrench
All My Life
Encore:
Big Me
Long Road to Ruin
Best of Me
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| falling out of love is like giving up a drug |
[30 Jan 2008|12:29pm] |
Later on me and a bottle will hook up to have some fun. Then I'll call your house at twelve to let you know that I'm drunk. Say I'm sorry Ms. F, I was just looking for your son. How are you, incidentally, do you know if he's out alone? There is this book he lent to me something like seven months ago. I'm gonna burn it in the street be so kind as let him know,
that I'm dealing
with this badly
and
could he please get back to me?
but they always wait
til we're under the covers, to say
"i'm sure glad we're not lovers."
You left a mark. you sunk your teeth
into the back of my neck.
Oh, let’s not pretend I needed
the lesson that you taught me well.
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| animal collective-peace bone |
[16 Nov 2007|09:37am] |
And an obsession with the past is like a kid flying
Just a few things are related to the old times
When we did believe in magic and we didn't die
It's not my words that you should follow,
it's your insight
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[20 Aug 2007|10:32pm] |
Everybody put up your hands
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
feel the beat now
If you’ve got nothing left
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Back it up now
You’ve got a reason to live
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don’t be afraid to get down
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
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[20 Aug 2007|01:17pm] |
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tomorrow I'll wake up in a ditch with every friend that ever meant anything on the opposite side of the country. but i still wouldn't trade anything for the nights when the rain promised us at 2 AM in some burnout industrial shell of a town that will never be dry again. and I'll keep walking, and running, and drinking towards a day that i can see suicide as a tragedy.
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| secrets are dirty. |
[24 Jul 2007|04:32pm] |
numbers haunt me wherever I go, reminders of some far off anniversary I don't celebrate anymore
123,23,1,321..the order doesn't matter cause they reverse themselves in my mind, re-arranging themselves until they drive me plain crazy
I started out a letter to you, but I changed around the names and the times and the places and the faces
because I knew if I wrote to you, you'd burn my letter like you burnt my heart
so it's 1 in the morning and the tv is screaming in my face and there's a girl on the radio telling me she's loved and lost
but I've loved and didn't lose anything but you
there's this other girl who wants me to come around, she calls me beautiful, she tells me I'm special
and I know her words should mean more to me than they do, but I can't get your face out of my mind
sometimes I walk around by myself at night, trying to forget everything you ever told me, but somehow, it only makes me miss you more
how am I supposed to move on when my heart is gone, somewhere in your basement in a corner or under your dusty bed which now is always empty since I've left
praises and sweet words don't warm my insides like they used to
no, now that nothing is coming out of your mouth, nothing matters anymore
I say I'm sick of writing about you, about complaining about you, but the truth is, I just know that everyone else is sick of hearing it and the truth is, I'd write about nothing else but you for as long as I live if I had the guts
the other night, I dreamt that you were with me once again, your arms around me and your hands on me, roaming about like you owned me, cause boy, you still do
once again, I started writing you a letter, but this time, I kept the names and the places and the faces and the times, but after I signed it and sealed it with a kiss, I burnt it in my backyard til there was nothing left
but black soot and ashes
it's taken everything in me just to pretend that you don't matter anymore
but I guess something in me tells me to keep writing because one day, you could come back but if you thought I had met someone else, you'd leave for good..
well babe, I already know you're gone for good..but it doesn't mean that my heart doesn't still hurt or that the dreams won't still come and the numbers won't still haunt me
or even that my mind will ever be sane.
I don't know if I'll ever love again the way I loved you, but at least the next time, it might be returned.
-me.
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[19 Jul 2007|12:43pm] |
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so I have this dream that me, angelina jolie, the owen brothers, and JESSE fight bad cowboys way back when.
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| my insecurities could eat me alive. |
[07 Jul 2007|01:18pm] |
I will never be safe
I will never be sane
I will always be weird inside
I will always be lame
-Eating kettle cooked potato chips waiting for my macaroni and cheese to be ready cause there's nothing more that I enjoy eating when I first wake up. I'm going to CVS to apply today and hopefully they will hire me. I had a dream that I was hired on the spot. I also had a dream that I was in jail, and one that I was in a secret garden type thing. It was the first night in a while that I didn't dream of whatshisface.
Hanging out with Brianna today, hopefully Kelsey too cause I haven't spent more than an hour with her in like a week. I've been all in shitty-mood-mode, staying home all the time, wasting my life away on livejournal, blurty, and of course, myspace.
I wake up this morning and am ambushed by my ex girlfriend and how 'messed up' it is that I'm getting along with someone she used to have feelings for but never actually got together with. Key words in this sentence: USED TO and NEVER ACTUALLY GOT WITH. To be exact, this girl added ME and started talking to ME because she always thought me and her would be better suited for each other than her and my ex. I'm sorry if she thinks it is fucked up but I wasn't the one who couldn't make my mind up between the two of us for like 6+ months. If she wasn't such a shady bitch, I might actually give a fuck about her past with this girl..but she is..so I don't.
I need to get a new hair straightener. My old one was lost/thrown out by Katrina's landlords cause her mom got evicted. She's currently living with Kelsey which I guess is cool for them and all since they are dating..but I feel like I'm losing my best friend to her girlfriend. Which is pretty shitty if you ask me. I mean, yeah, they ask me to hang out but as I have proven, I'd rather sit at home and sulk in my own misery then go another day as the third wheel.
My other best friend [[alcohol]] and I are in desperate needs of a hangout and soon. It's one of the only things that puts me in a good mood. I don't know what is happening to me lately. I can't even get happy when I smoke unless I come home and sit by myself.
Ohhh, and there is a war going on between Katrina and Jesse. Cute, eh?
I lost my cell phone on the fourth of July when I was shitfaced and wondering around Ducks Stadium with my friends in the downpour. I told my mom a black guy stole it because that is a believable story and my mom would have killed me if she knew I lost another cell.
Evidently, today is lucky because it is 7/7/07 and that only comes once every fourhundred years or some shit. Hopefully I fall into some luck because all of mine ran out in 1997.
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| taking your time with apologies. |
[27 Jun 2007|07:04pm] |
I feel like I'm a bardon to most of my friends..
why do I even bother?
and the few that I know do appreciate me [yes bonnie, you are one of these]
I sadly hardly see
I want to move to a new town and start a new life
but more than anything, I'm still waiting for a new heart.
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[09 Jun 2007|03:39pm] |
come and I'll take you under
this beautiful bruises colours
everything fades in time, it's true
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