Rehab reject still sniffing glue's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Rehab reject still sniffing glue

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[Sun May 23 2004|3:10am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

things I will miss about college

-all nighters in the computer lab just screwing around and laughing with k
-cable tv
-"free" (stolen) ice cream
-the few friends I did have
-Monday night tv club meetings
-Dr. Alles
-Ciggies being so cheap (and close)
-the gorgeous campus that caused such gorgeous pictures
-Drake being 5 minuets away
-4th meal at the pub
-a soda machine everywhere you turn (except when you need one)
-Buffy night
-Not really having to pay for anything cept junk food and cigs
-almost feeling at home

things I will not miss
-No one knowing my name (or caring)
-Workload
-Cramming for tests
-Essays
-The snarky attitudes I got from most of the student body
-The nasty looks sororistitutes give me
-Being the odd one out all the time
-Being the only fully out lesbian (not bi, LESBIAN)
-The self rightous cliquey bitches
-Obnoxious loud and uneducated children plaguing the computer lab and generally everywhere else
-Living a lie and wasting my time and money
-Never really feeling 100% at home...
-The lonliness and depression I faced every time I was faced with any of the above

So as you can see leaving for the commune is a good idea, seeing as how there is more bad than good, but at the same time damnit there's a lot I'm going to miss about that place. It's been my home for two years as much as I hated it in the last few months that doesn't change the good times I DID have there.
I just know, in my heart, that this is not the path for me. College isn't for everyone. I can't live a conventional life. Yes the words "college dropout" weigh on my like a stone, I hate that that's what I am, it makes me want to scream at myself, but.... I don't know, sometimes you need to throw all the labels aside and fucking face who you are and what do YOU really want, not your parents or friends or husband or dog, but what do YOU want?
I don't know what I want but damnit I'm looking and most people my age are scared to do even that. It's "go to college cuz you're supposed to!" no one stops and does soul searching because you might actually realize how unhappy you are in this life.

/fin

Congradulations you have won

[Fri May 21 2004|4:43am]
[ mood | cold ]

I never forget people that have hurt me or my husband.
More importantly, I do not forgive easily.
If that makes me a bad person, so be it.

Over the years my walls get higher and higher.
Insult me, hurt me, drag me down and I will never EVER forget.
Everyone that has wronged me, hurt me, made me cry, bullied me, called me names, dragged me down, etc, they all hold a place in my life. It's not my hit list seeing as how that has exactly ONE name on it and I think we all know who that is.
No, they all made me who I am. I'm a bitter cynical bitch who will rip your eyes out for looking at my husband, rip your tongue out for saying nasty things about me (either to me or behind my back) and fucking burn you for hurting me.

This is not a threat, it's a statement. This is what everyone has made of me.
"Remember it all, every insult every tear."
And I do. I never forget any tear I shed or any insult anyone has hurled at me. I keep them all and I savour them and when the time comes everyone will regret this.

/fin

Congradulations you have won

"You tie the noose around your neck and they push you over" [Thu May 20 2004|11:35pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | "Famous Monsters" Saliva ]

A friend on LJ sent me a hilarious cuntney love video

Seriously it's the best thing I've seen all week.
*dies*

/fin

Congradulations you have won

[Tue May 18 2004|7:24pm]
[ mood | scared ]
[ music | "Sinner" Drowning Pool ]

What are cicadas?


That's Audrey (boofinger) holding one.

Now imagine hundreds of thousands of those flying around for a month straight every seventeen years.
And now understand why I am not interested in leaving my house till mid june.

/fin

1 bad pun| Congradulations you have won

"I wonder what you do there in the back of your pink cadillac" [Mon May 17 2004|6:25pm]
[ mood | listless ]
[ music | "Pink Cadillac" Bruce Springsteen ]

Why does Lydia even bother to call me? Seriously, why?
Our conversations:

Her- "Hi baby I miss you"
Me- "I miss you too!"
Her- "Oh I can't wait to see you!"
Me- "Well lets hang out soon."
Her- "When!?!?!"
Me- *names a date*
Her- "I can't I have to clean my house."
Me- *names bunches of other dates*
Her- *Inserts more bullshit excuses*
Me- "Uh...?"
Her- "We'll figure it out, I promise!- Oh shit I have to go because *insert bullshit reason here*."
Me- "Bye."
Her- "Bye I love you!!"

That's basically the transcript of all of our convos. She called me yesterday and went on and on about demoralizing a fifteen year old and giving him head and etc etc etc.
No offense to the bi people on my friends list, but this is why I can't go out with bi-sexual girls. I can't handle this shit. It's like for some reason being ditched for a guy hurts worse. I was one of the only 2 girls she's been with and apparently that means shit to her. I honestly think she's one of those girls that wears the "bisexual" label as a medal.
"LOOK AT ME I AM BI, see how different I am!!" While all she does is fuck with GUYS GUYS GUYS!
She doesn't even take our relationship as seriously as I did (and still do). I was in love with her and part of me still IS in love with her, yet it's not like I want or expect anything to happen, I just never really fell out of love with her. I wish she'd at least give me the time of day. I'm married for chrissakes it's not like I want to rekindle any flames. I just want my friend back. It's been three years since the official break up and that's it. I don't want anything but a friend in her but when I'm with her it's like she has to continually remind me that that's all I'll have in her by talking about her boyfriend on a constant basis.
*shrug*
I don't know.....

/fin

Congradulations you have won

[Sat May 15 2004|2:39am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Y'know what.
Okay there's a lot of controversy over that beheading video and with good reason, assuming it actually was real, it was a terrible TERRIBLE happening.
You know what though. A thought ocurred while talking to K about it this afternoon. All of the sudden (well within the past 2 years, since 9-11) there's this huge uproar about Al Queda terrorism and the horrific acts of Hussein and his cronies but it's not like this is NEW news. People in the middle east that cross Al Queda and others with power have been penelized with torture for YEARS and YEARS. But now that it's Americans being killed and tortured everyone's up in arms about it.
I hurt for the guy in that video but no more (or less) than any of the thousands of others hurt by the terrorists in power there. The video was shocking and honestly I don't feel I will ever fully recover from that shock but I'd feel the same way if the victim was another Iraqi person. Suddenly when Americans become the victims everyone cares but this is, as I said before, nothing new. If we're going to hurt for people we should hurt for everyone involved.

Terrorism is ALL OVER. Al Queda happens to be against America but what about the other terrorist groups torturing and killing innocents. Oh wait they're not Americans, screw that lets save our own asses. All this talk about stopping terrorism Bush is doing is BULL. If you're fighting terrorism, fight ALL terrorists not just the ones that you notice because they're killing your people.

Don't think though that I am insensative towards the person in that video, when I think about it my chest begins to hurt and I feel sick, maybe it's because it's the first time I've actually seen someone die (aside from my visions) I don't know. The images will haunt me for the rest of my life though.

/fin

1 bad pun| Congradulations you have won

[Thu May 13 2004|11:31pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]
[ music | "Wide Open Spaces" Dixie Chicks ]

Sistah (Alex) posted a link to the video where those Iraqis beheaded an American soldier and I honestly think I'm scarred for life.
I've been hearing it's a fake and he's already dead etc but I don't know, it still scarred me for life and the images will haunt me for years.
It's like when I saw this movie about Matthew Shephard I literally cried for 2 days straight, it killed me. That was when I was a junior in high school. I can't handle things like that, I don't know why, I guess because it's true stories.
I can watch horror movies/slasher movies etc and it doesn't faze me. Everyone's all "you're desensatized" but no I just happen to be able to tell the diff between fake and real. Fake death doesn't touch me because it's not a life I have actually seen be taken, but when it's real or based on reality... no. I can't take it.
*shrug*

/fin

PS- Hippie commune!!!!!!!!!! (More info later, lets just say it's the answer to my problems)

1 bad pun| Congradulations you have won

"It's not hard to fail, it's not easy to win" [Thu May 13 2004|9:28am]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | "Wasted Years" Cold ]

Fandom by Eversea
Name
Username
Rise to fameSwitched souls with Kurt Cobain
Fall from fameAccidentally insulted someone with their own language
Death onMarch 26, 2034
How did you die?Crushed by world's largest pancake
Created with quill18's MemeGen!


Does that not work on every level?

/fin

PS- I'vee been getting laid a lot lately, spring is in the air.

Congradulations you have won

Avert eyes, uncharactoristicaly optomistic post ahead: [Thu May 13 2004|7:38am]
[ mood | determined ]

Okay
This summer is NOT going to suck because I will not allow it to suck and that's final.

It's my goal to go the ext three months without crying daily or flipping out daily.

This summer is my honeymoon and I'm going to fucking make the most of it, I'm sick of hurting, crying and hating so no more of that.
THIS SUMMER WILL NOT FUCKING SUCK THE END

/fin

PS- I go home at 1, that's in 5 and a half hours for those of you that are too cool to count.

PPS- I miss someone, someone that..... apparently doesn't feel the need to talk to me nymore..... someone I didn't hurt (one of the few people) and I cared too much about..... yeah.... I miss them.

PPPS- rating community ad whores, advertise in my journal and be prepared to get bitch slapped to next tuesday

Congradulations you have won

"We could spend the night, watch the earth come up..." [Thu May 13 2004|5:59am]
[ mood | indescribable ]
[ music | "Stellar" Incubus ]

Things that put me in a good mood:
Going outside to have a smoke and seeing the moon "setting" as the sun rises.
And capturing it all through my telephoto lense.
Feeling like I could just reach out ant touch it and drift away...
Then my husband getting on his knees andtaking my hands and singing "Stellar" by Incubus to me and both of us crying.

I love the magic of just being outside alone, getting gorgeous and completely clear pictures of the moon at 5:30 AM.

Why is this so exciting to me? (I mean besides the obvious beauty of the whole thing)
This is the first time the moon has been perfectly visible to me, it's always been a little white dot in the sky and I could never feel like it was real, it was always this mysterious white dot in the sky on dark nights that I always took for granted "that's the moon"
But today, to see it, take perfectly clear (soon to be posted) pictures of it at dawn and to feel like it was within my grasp.
Sometimes it takes seeig and experiancing something so beautiful you're brought to your knees to remind you that life is worth living.

/fin

Congradulations you have won

[Tue May 11 2004|8:09am]
[ mood | productive ]

Once upon a time

Cobain got herself a new layout that she made and played with for hours and all of her friends envied her and bowed down and said "Cobain you are the master (bater)" and she nodded and said "Damn skippy"

And they lived happily ever after.

The moral of the story, go look at my layout bitches.

/fin

PS- stevierulz DOES rule *nod*

PPS- Kurt's new middle name is Doughnut, says randm German guy on yahoo.
Kurt Doughnut Cobain.
My life is so exciting.

/fin

1 bad pun| Congradulations you have won

"Congradulations you have won a years subscription of bad puns" [Sun May 09 2004|7:09pm]
[ mood | crazy ]
[ music | "Opinion" Nirvana ]

My rant for the day.

My generation is addicted to pity. We really are. Everyone has a sob story, everyone has a reason they need "support"

"No one loves me"
Maybe no one likes you because you're a pissy whiny baby that cries about no one loving you, eh? Instead of crying about nor being loved, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Go make friends (I know it's not easy, believe me I know, but if it's iimportant enough to whine about it's important enough for you to fix).

"I'm faaaaaat"
Yes well so is the majority of the country. (I do find it amusing though that the media's focus is on the 20% of this country that is not obese, so I can see why girls have poor body image but honestly, it is not the mdia's fault you hate yourself it's YOURS).
And honestly who gives a rip if you're fat. I sure as hell don't. The mahjjority of people in this country are overweight and that isn't my problem. Why are you basing your self image on the minority of this country, there are more fat people than skinny people so stop bitching and start a revoluution.

"I miss my ex boyfriend blah blah blah love blah blah he hates me, he lied to me, oh it's so tragic waaaaaah"
Actually, he's moved on. That's what people do, they move on. It's called life. Just because you're obsessed and talk about him constantly doesn't mean anything except that you're insane and pissy.
And oh newsflash, men = pigs. If you ocntinue to go back to a guy that treats you badly you have no one to blame but yourself. Grow some balls and just shoot the fucker.
Seriously though, the majority of people i know that ar depresed are depressed because of relationship problems. If you honestly let someone control you and your moods that much that's just sad on your part.

"My parents hate me"
Except in cases of actual REAL abuse, I don't want to hear it. Kids think that if they get sent to their room for backtalk it's abuse. Uh? No that's called parenting. I fight with my parents too (hoo boy do I ever) difference, I don't chalk it up to "OMG ABUSIVE PARENTS!!!!!!!111one" Kids, parents can be assholes, it's life. DEAL. In actual abusive situations get out and get help. This section of the rant was NOT aimed at you.

"I have so many mntal disorders I'm so emo/gawth/what have you"
Oh my god can I be your friend since you'e fucked up in the head and that rocks SO MUCH OMGZ! *dies* News flash, mental problems, MPD, schizophrenia, and so forth are not badges to wear. I was diagnosed borderline too young and iot's called a SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY. Asmy husband said to me once "Babe they've been telling you you're borderline since you were what, 12? What ELSE would you be, it's a self fulfilling prophecy. If you were brought up to believe that you are a shoe that's all you will ever know yourself as." I consider myself an ex-borderline because I took the step towards independance and I am doing quite well without relying on stupid shit to get by, why don't you try that?

Oh my god I just cut today (along the same lines "I am so ana!")
Really, can I have your autograph since you're the only person in the history of teenage girls that cuts or has anorexia?
Cutting and anorexia are SERIOUS PROBLEMS not badges of "OMG I'm so mental".
In short, if you cut and you take pictures and post them in your journal along wit hevanescence lyrics, that does not make you any cooler than the other kids that do the same thing. Same goes for posting (photoshopped) pictures of you with your ribs sticking out looking like a disturbingly ghastly form od Callista Flockhart or Karen Carpenter (<3) and writing *gasp* how much you weigh (because someone that's anorexis loves sharing their weight with the world).

"That's it I'm just going to kill myself goodbye cruel world"
Stop being a pussy and do it. I'll help. One less whiny spoiled brat breathing my precious oxygen. Do you know how lucky we have it here? At least we get three meals a day, shelter, luxuries like the internet and the tv and the radio (yes LUXURIES -ergh that's spelled wrong, oh well) So go, off yourself because Mr. letterman jacjker looked at you wrong (or for you "punk" mr. green mohawk). Go kill yourself because you don't think you're pretty, go kill yourself and save ME from your bitching.

"writing slash makes me smarter than thou"
Need I dignify tha with a response/ I will. Writing slash is a fucking INSULT to not only the creators of the movie/book/series what have you, it's an insult to the gay community. Why is it the majority of stories and movies about gays is all about sex sex sex. Promiscuity is so rampant in the gay community and that's such a huge reason we're not respected! I'm not saying be a prude, I'm saying use some fucking common sense. Love is NOTabout sex and sex alone. (Okay, I digress, shaddup-a-your face).
I'm not going to lie, I write erotic stories and novels for myself, but I draw the l;ine at watching/reading someone else's stuff and doing my own thing with it. I have a lot more of a life than that and a lot more imagination. (to those of you that slash/ro on my friends list don't take offense to this, it was aimed at the assholes flaming me).

"I have no friends" (later in the same entry) "OMG last night ROCKED I went out with *insert 15 names here* and we got so wasted..."
If you have no friends really than who did you go out with? Oh waiiiiiiiiiit I remember, having no friends is a status symbol (but if you have no friends to share this status symbol with than what's the point of having it, so you can tell all your cats how much of a loner you are?)

*shrug*
I think I managed to piss off everyone that can read this.
If you're on my friends list this wasn't directed at you.

/fin

Congradulations you have won

[Sat May 08 2004|6:49pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

Pics I took with a rose, then photoshopped. They're cool says me )

Thoughts?

/fin

1 bad pun| Congradulations you have won

[Sat May 08 2004|5:50pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Why am I being flamed by Harry Ptter fanatics for *gasp* being in an unconventional relationship. It's so ridiculous so let me just say THIS.

Anyone that is going to have a fucking fandom over a fucking BOOK is already a pathetic low life. News flash okay, Harry Potter books are for CHILDREN alight, Being that pathetically obsessed with a CHILDREN'S book is really FUCKING sad so pot, kettle.
And people that are ROLE PLAYING form a CHILDREN'S book are SO MUCH WORSE. Lets grow up a little shall we. I don't THROW my relationship in YOUR faces, I don't go in to communities blabbing on and on about my husband and what we do, I'm pretty fucking quiet about it unless you're on my friends list. So I'm pretty much assuming that someone that knows me either here on on greatestjournal or both has taken it upon themselves to completely fuck up my life and TRY to make ME look stupid while, hello, roleplaying from a book made for preteens.
So It's friends cleanout time. You have until thursday the htirteenth to tell me if you want to stay here and if you're willing to accept my marriage because guess what, I'm not going to stop writing about this and I am SICK of my inbox being filled with trolls and harry potter freaks.
GROW THE FUCK UP OR GET THE FUCK OUT


More to come about last night soon, lets put it ths way, foam, girls in bathing suits and lots of drunk sororstitues.
SCORE

/fin

PS- even though you hate me for whatever reason (gods know what I did this time if anything) happy birthday kurtmulgrew

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"I'm all alone in this fucking world you must despise" [Fri May 07 2004|4:07pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | "Terrible Lie" NiN ]

reading old entries in my livejournal is much like reading one of those tragic novels where all the charactors die in the end and you KNOW they die or break up or end up hating each other but you keep readiing because it's like heroin. I had so SO many entries about andy (my ex fiance, we broke up because (mainly) I realized that physically I can't be with a living male.)
And then there were so many Draven quotes and I'm at the point now where just reading Draven's journal makes me cry because gods I miss him too fucking much.
Why do all the good ones die young?

I'm going to go to my room and play very loud depressing music and try to write because I've had writers block since september.

Fuck.

/fin

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[Fri May 07 2004|12:31pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

This post will ensure that all of my badass "I'm too cool to watch popular tv shows" friends will unfriend me.
BUT here it is anyway

FRIENDS FINAL EPISODE REVIEW; cut for definate spoilers )

Oh and Did anyone see the previews for Joey's spinoff (insert a SQUEE) It looks so funny but then again, as Ellen and I were talking about, it's that Italian family thing, we all inherantly rock.

Okay class to go to, last class ever this semester!

/fin

Congradulations you have won

"You will not make me crawl" [Thu May 06 2004|4:08pm]
[ mood | determined ]
[ music | "Giant" Melissa Etheridge ]

I am compltely unable to type coherantly today and it is severely upsetting me. I have to retype everything like 15 times just to rid my words of typos and it STILL doesn't help, for some reason my brain and my hands are not getting along at all lately.

ANYWAY
Thanks to a post in pleasureinpain I found this article that made me want to gouge my eyes out with rusty forks.
The basis; Bush's fight against HIV and AIDs is basically fighting AGAINST all forms of birth control EXCEPT abstinance

No I am all about fighting AIDs and HIV and other STDs. They are rampant and it's really sad. The answer is EDUCTION not ABSTINANCE. I wish the president of the united states would STOP using his office and power as a pulpit. He is not elected as a preacher/minister/reveranc/etc. He is a president. That does not mean it is his duty to turn this country in to a theocracy.
Yes, abstinance IS a good road to take in the fight against STDs seeing as how condoms and other means of birth control don't protect you from STDs. I agree with that and I now that the only sure fire way to protect yourself is to not have sex. Lest be realistic for a moment, lets pull our heads out of our asses and consider the likleyhood of people never having sex until marriage.
Uh?
Not going to happen.
People are going to fuck, pulling funding on birth contol and planned parenthood centres is NOT going to stop AIDs. People aren't going to stop fucking due to lack of birth control, they will continue to do so and then drop out even MORE little hellspwan and childfree adults such as myself will be knee deep in crotch dropplings and their breeder parents. Thanks a billion dubya.
I swear that man is doing everything in his power to make sure he is NOT re-elected in November.

So my message to you guys, don't fucking vote for him. I know that all politicians are liars and full of shit but honestly, vote for the lesser of 2 evils, Kerry. Don't vote for a third party, you might as well not vote at all.
People that are of legal age and don't vote, you're JUST AS RESPONSIBLE as those that vote Bush. If you are of legal age and don't vote you have NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN when the republicans come for YOU. It's your OWN FUCKING fault for NOT voting.
Remember this:
"First they came for the jews and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew,
then they came for the blacks and I didn't speak up because I wasn't black,
then they came for the gays and I didn't speak up because I wasn't gay,
then they came for me and there was no one left to stick up for me."

/fin


(PS- it's really fucking HOT in the computer lab, I'm paying thirty thousand bucks a year and they can't even fix the fucking air conditioner, I am so fed up with this place it's unreal)

Congradulations you have won

[Wed May 05 2004|4:23pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Stop.

Forget everything. Forget your job. Forget school. Forget your friends. Forget your lovers. Forget your family. Turn down your music. Tune out the sounds of the world. Forget your creaking house or apartment. Forget debt, hate, love, sadness and happiness both. Forget your ego, forget your goals and your dreams. Forget George Bush, gay rights, legalization of marijuana. Let it all go, just for a moment.

Clear your mind.

Now... Do you feel it... That one single moment of power absolute? Do you have the energy to disturb the universe?

Ask yourself: What are you dreams?

(Copy this to your lj)



In other news, y'know the kurt cobain movie, well guess who is playing kurt, the guy from puddle of mudd.

Who feels like joining me in removing your prain through your nostrils and flinging bits of brain goo at the WB studios? Hah I'm all for that.

/fin

4 bad puns| Congradulations you have won

"You pretend you're anything just to be adored" [Tue May 04 2004|3:15pm]
[ mood | cynical ]
[ music | "Stupid Girl" Garbage" ]

have a severe poblem with most of this world. No one can handle anything out of the ordinary, even online!
People are so caught up in their button down sunset blvd abercrombie attitudes that anything the least bit *gasp* different sends them in to a psychotic breakdown.
For example, if I want to get a summer job I have to put on clothes I'd never wear in a MILLION YEARS unless I lost all self respect and play a part and pretend to be someone I'm not, just to make $6.25 an hour selling books or walking dogs or whatever I'm going to be doing this summer. If I went in there dressed the way IO am most COMFROTABLE in (ie- a pair of jeans and a tank top/Nirvana shirt with a flannel jacket on) I'd be all but thrown out and laughed at. How is this not discrimination? Why is it that to get a job you have to play a game and be someone you're not. I'm not a fricken actress okay, I can't pretend to be miss Abercrombie just to sell books at minimum wage (or less).

I look around my campus and what do I see? 1500 copies of one person. This isn't a school for an artist, goddamn when I'm here I feel like I'm in a cage. Everyone here fits a stereotype, it's worse than my high school here! At least there people could cross bounderies. Many of my friends could fit "freak" and "jock" lables fine. I never felt the NEED to lable anyone in high school because so many people I was friends with transcended lables. I look around here and everyone fits cleanly in to their chosen label; "jocks", "preps" (About 96% of the campus is in one of those two lables), the "ghetto kids" and then there are the .3% of us that fit in to none of the aforementioned lables so we ar called freaks and have no riends because we refuse to play the fucking game and change who we are and what we wear.
Uh?

That wasn't the point o this post though, this is a post to basically bash something that all girls see as a daily part of their dress routine; makeup. I'm not dissing the fact that most girls wear makeup, if you want to pain yourself tha's your buisness. I'm going to flat out tell you why I don't wear it (or basically why I don't do a damn thing I'm expected to do as a female in a male's world).
Why don't I wear makeup? imple, I hate it, it's bogus, it's pointless and I hat wasting my time on it. I know girls that won't even go to the fricken store without painting themselves. Don't try to tell me it's because they "like it" bull-sucking-SHIT. We were brought up to believe that girls need to do everything for MEN. Girls paint theior faces up real pretty, wear skimpy clothes and so on for MEN. Don't fucking tell me it's for comfort jesus H crckers I've tried on some of the stuff they sellf for girls and damn if it's not the most uncomfortable bullshit I've ever had the misfortune of having on my body. It is pounded in to female's heads from a very young age to dress themselves up for MEN. Why do they sell make up kits for 6 year olds "my first makeover" shit just call it "my first attempt at losing myself for the man".
I'm not going tolie, I like wearing sexy clothes, but only on MY terms. I look at the shit girls on my campus war every fricken DAY and wonder how they can live with themselves 1- looking like everyone else and 2- flashing more cleavage and ass rolls than you could see on a low grade porno. I'm not a prude, you all know that. If it was up to me I'd walk around naked every day because clothes are such a fucking hassle. But I AM about self respect and honestly any woman with any fucking self respect isn't going to walk around with her tits hanging out of her shirt to impress men.
Why are girl's daily attire decided by males? Because males control the fashion industry. I make/design my own outfists and clothes and none of it is made to impress men (well my being gay might have something to do with that). I dress for ME, not for THEM. If I want to wear a Nirvana shirt 5 sizes too big for me and men's shorts over sfishnets and a large red and black tophat then damnit I will. I don't care how sexy it's not because I don't dress to impress. If tomorrow I want to wear something like my black velvet dress over a fishnet t-shirt then I will. Not to be sexy because who the fuck do I have to impress here, but because I like how it looks on ME.
Un-natural standards of beauty are fucking shoved down our throats from a young age. Hw many overweight pop singers are there today? How many stars go out without makeup? Look at the media, it pushes weight loss tips and so on in to every program. VH1 is constantly throwing programs out about how stars stay fit, and the mainstream media even has shows where people get plastic surgery to look like a fucking celebrity! Then there are communities right here on LJ where people are rated on their looks, so fucking MANY of these communities it will make your fucking head spin! People just have ridiculous standards of what is attravtive now.
You know what I find attractive, NATURAL BEAUTY. Someone that didn't need to "fix" herself in any way to be prettier. I find fake people incredibly un-attractive, someone with implants and liposuction, people like Pamela Anderson and Courtney Love, overdone plastic surgery and makeup is just so fucking ugly on women, it makes them look like such obviou tools.
That's all I have to say about that.

/fin

Congradulations you have won

[Tue May 04 2004|2:13pm]
[ mood | creative ]
[ music | "Suffer" Staind ]

Dear world.
if I give you X amount of money will you promise to suffer for me

Sincerely
Cobain

It's true, I like to watch the world suffer, I like to watch people hurt, especially thoe that deserve it (generally 99% of the population). Something about pain, in others, in myself, keeps me alive. I get a rush when I know someone i hate is hurting and alone and seperated from someone. (Not hate, used to hate and now pity).
When did that line meld? When did love become hate an hate become pity and what will pity then become?

the staples keeping my shirt together are all coming loose, go figure.

/fin

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