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Holy Shit Blurty Is Old, Fuck Myspace [07 Jan 2007|11:19am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | "The Rising Tide"-Job for a Cowboy ] So yeah. I really do fucking hate myspace. It causes way too much drama, so did this back in the day, but now compared to myspace this is childs play. People would rather read drama, and see skanky pictures than read about peoples thoughts and feelings. Either way, both are dangerous. Ive learned about since I used to use this. I'm a freshmen in college now, starting the second semester in a week. im still listening to the same music to cope with my problems. im teaching myself about Buddhism, I want to shape myself like Buddhist do. I like how they think, I like how they cope. Im having a hard time dealing with life. School is fine, i made 3 A's and B. Ironicly, the B was in the easiest of the classes. Sometimes i feel like giving up. All my options are hard. People are ugly and its making it hard for me to live. Blah blah blah. 1 comment|post comment

holy shit blurty is old...get myspace [27 Feb 2005|03:34pm] blurty was so cool back in the day, i kinda miss it. but i have myspace now. so get one of them post comment

so fucking true [01 Jun 2004|07:09pm] NOTE: z No smoking around coalkuechamber. Thankyou for your co-operation. Username: From Go-Quiz.com post comment

burned out teachers and apathetic students. [01 Jun 2004|05:52pm] [ mood | cynical ] [ music | "Floaters in the Mud"-Sepultura ] three more days of being a fucking sophmore at my fucking high school. i sound more bitter than i actully am, but i do really hate my school, for nothing more than a select few ignorant bastards i dont even care to know. all i know about the people i hate is they are shit and have done one of the things i really hate that, what i think, scum of the earth do. or at least doing them makes you scum to my world. people annoy the hell out of me. but on the other hand, my friends at school are pretty cool. work has been alright other than the fact that ihaveto deal with some idiots, and that it gets boring and slow, but other than that shits been fucking wonderful. and well i know this sounds like im pissed, but im just being cynical, and when im cynical im happy. most of the time. but dont confuse me being cynical for me being complete and utterly pissed. ive decided that as long as i think i did well on my finals, then i did do well. i started a band, the names not official, but its prolly going to be Altered Sence. i wanted it to be NeverEnd or Sadistic Sacrifice. but i like altered sence. its weird, im pretty much a junior. and that seems weird to me. when im a senior it will be even more weird. but we still have a year until that mind fuck. but the years seem to get shorter after each passes. post comment

yawn [10 May 2004|05:10pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | "Blue Monday"-Orgy, oh the irony ] i had work yesterday, it was alright, its actully pretty boring. i screwed up somewhere in counting the money and i got a lectrue from the boss, and it was a shitty way to end the day and i was pretty bummed about it. i got home and tried to calm my nerves with hot tea and stuff. it worked. but i was still pretty upset and i coudltn sleep, so i listened to music and faded away. i had a dream about lindsay, it was sad. sigh. i woke up and i was disoriented and i couldnt open my eyes or walk straight. school got my mind off of all the problems, but i blanked out on all my school work. im pretty nervous about stuff. anxiety sucks. oh yeah, finaly they diagnosed my stomache problem, GERD, gastrol something something disorder, i forgot what it was, im on meds for it tho. they help. oh well im gunna go 1 comment|post comment

just stuff [08 May 2004|08:14am] [ mood | complacent ] [ music | "Control"-Puddle of Mudd ] Everytime i move away i have extream emotions, im either really happy, really sad, or really apathetic, and well i was really sad when i moved from michigan, in a few months it will be a year. but as ive gotten older i relize everywhere i move has helped me grow as a person, has made me relize something or taught me something. Moving from michigan wasnt the best thing in my life, but it wasnt the worst, emotionaly, im so much better now, im not so gloomy, and im happy about that. and better yet im not killing myself over my feelings. i still miss michigan and i wanna go back, but i think it was for the best. If i was in michigan i wouldnt be in band, i wouldnt have this good job, i doubt id be involved with school things like i am here, an dsome other things. I feel its best i stay here until i graduate. Then when college comes, ill go wherever i feel is right, wherever the river flows, thats where ill go. Dont get me wrong i miss you guys up in michigan, i really do. I made a new screen name because im afraid, so e-mail me for the name, or somehow ill figure out how to get it to you people. damn you guys, ur always on when im not, and vise versa. oh well. ok back to stuff here. school has been okay, im looking forward to the summer, but i dread finals. blah. i had work yesterday, we closed early cuz no one was coming and it was raining. i coulda hung out with the girls till 8, i wouldnt have minded, good company, and get payed too, fuck yeah. but we left at 5 30. im working tomorrow, celebrating mothers day with my dads side of the family...aka Superficial Small Talk Night. but its usally entertaining. well im gunna go to the store to buy something to entertain myself for the weekend. later. 4 comments|post comment

scrap paper poems [29 Apr 2004|03:57pm] [ mood | groggy ] [ music | "sherry vegas"-coal chamber ] Disguise Beauty rised into a world so cold Hope and joy soon follow Through times rough Beauty still shines But take me words The beauty is all but true Now things are cold Hope and joy departed Beauty is now nothing For beauty is the devils right hand Beauty comes from the depths Black Viens A razor dripping with velvet black blood Eyes bloodshot and gazing twards the heavens The opposite of soon to be. The life seeps away through these black viens. Now consumed by darkness the velvet drips away Condemed to be nothing... A waste of something oddly beautiful It drips away though these black viens. i wrote those yesterday, ive been sick and tired. so i had strong emotions. tell me what u think. im not depressed dont get me wrong. it was fun to write them. im happy besides the fact im sick. but yeah tell me what u think 1 comment|post comment

what it is mother fuckers [26 Apr 2004|04:54pm] [ mood | relaxed ] [ music | "Fallen"-(hed)p.e. ] long time no update. not much going on lately, other than the fact that im really happy lately. i stopped talking to lindsay a little over 3 weeks ago. it was getting really hard to deal with my emotions twards her, her baggage, her ways, and her shit. so im happy to just be alone lately. i really dont know what to think of her. i got sick on thursday night, and im still sick, it blows, and i havent even skipped once yet. im changing my ways, wow... anyway mallory asked me for my number today, that made my day. then kendsie asked me if i had a girlfriend, that also made my day. :) school has been good, i have a 4 point, and i never have in my entire life before, im determined to get out of texas and go to college with my friends, so i changed my ways. it actully made me feel special. it doesnt look like i have a chance moving back home this summer, dads retireing, and he's gunna get a good job here, i can deal with that, ill put up with texas some more. it hasent been so bad, better than my experiance here when i was younger. work starts on saturday, im excited, finally something to do, meet people, and some time to read. i need to go buy books. oh if u dont know what im doing i work at a pool, i check people in and out, and stuff like that, basiclly a bouncer for the pool, so its awesome. and a bunch of time to read. yipee. oh yeah, going to florida in june, gunna be fun, i need a vvacation, i havent had one to just completly enjoy myself since 7th grade, always had things to worry about, but not anymore. its gunna be great, and nic's going. double bonus. if anyone needs me, drop me a line, im always here. much love peace. post comment

my dream girl [11 Apr 2004|04:30pm] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | "back to school"-deftones ] alright im gunna make a perfect girl. she: will love music, but no be obbsessed, and at least like some metal wont smoke anything wont drink too much or too often, and not drink to get drunk likes scary movies, but not be weird about them likes storms and the night will be honest will have kinda long hair wont be too short or too tall will like me (thats a biggie), but not be obbsessed will like to read, but not be obbsessed wont ditch me for other guys will be sociable with me wont be too aggressive wont be suicidal wont be slutty will flirt with me alot will like the way i look will hang out with me alot and i wont fight alot will make fun of people with me will hold grudges as long as me will be as cynical as i am, twards the things i am wont try to make me jelous will be serious about having a relationship wont lose intrest in me is close with her family but not so much that she spends most of her time with them will like drums will wear some jewlery but nothing really expensive or alot of it will be tattoo-less wont get stuff peirced just cuz other people do wont be influenced by peer presure will like soda will make me feel better when im pissed of sad will b e good at talking about anything wont keep any secrets from me wont get pissy about little things wont go to the mall to do absolutly nothing, cough cough wont be a hypoctire will be easy to talk to long list...i dont this chick will ever exist. oh well. it was fun making the list anyway 2 comments|post comment

premonition [30 Mar 2004|07:09pm] [ mood | curious ] [ music | "Dream On"-Aerosmith ] i don't know if any of you have had this happen to you, but i had like a thought/vision thing, and it was weird. im sitting here i just got off the phone with my brother, and im listening to Dream On by Aerosmith, an di see my funeral with this song playing. and it was just weird, i dont know what that means or anything. it was just weird. and it seemed soon or recent or something like that. i dont know...just weird 1 comment|post comment

frusterated [30 Mar 2004|06:09pm] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | "Scission"-Nothingface ] "i love to see you cry, i always crack a smile"-Nothingface. people annoy the hell out of me. its getting really old, and i wish people would learn. sometimes i want people to change, sometimes i want you to stay the same, but no matter what i want, the opposite happens. it makes me really angry too. blah. im so pissed off at how people make time for me, and once things fall through that same time is now someone elses. blah. im sick of people taking me for granted. some people never learn...some people dont see im dying...slowly everyday im slipping away, my character, my personality, my me, its all dying because of the lack of what makes me happy. i wish people would go out of their way to make me happy, its selfish yes, but what can i say? ive been up and down so long now, you would think people would want me to be happy, but people odnt see it. people dont try hard enough. there a couple things that piss me off the most in this world. Liars and lies, hypocrites, people who dont try hard enough, and ignorance. im surrounded by all of those everyday, no wonder i think im dying. post comment

an articulate description of how i feel about michigan now [20 Mar 2004|11:49pm] well two nights ago i had a few dreams, and one i went to visit michigan. but after that i just got started thinking today about stuff about michigan. there are so many things i forgot, so many things that are confused in my memmories. it seems like a diluted memmory of a book that i was read when i was too fucked up to know the difference between reality and make believe. its seems so distant, so cloudy, so different. i dont know really whats going on. i still love it, but its so weird. i miss it, but how can u miss something when ur having slight amnesia about it. to much babble, later post comment

my poem i wrote last night, under the influence of fucked up movies and being mellow [20 Mar 2004|11:38pm] [ mood | devious ] [ music | "This Love"-Pantera ] yeah its simple and the ryhme sceme is shit i know, but it gets the point across, and its not the worst ive written, obviously not the best. but yeah. What I Want For Christmas i want you to cry i want you to weep i want you to die i want you to sleep i want you to go i want you to stay i want you to know i want you to pay i need to be sound i need time alone i need to be drowned i need to be sewn i need to be sick i need to be well i need to be slick i need to be hell i want this to stop i need this to leave i want this to drop for i need time to grieve its just a bi polar poem about how i feel about...stuff, and how my thoughts always seem to contradict them selfs, and how much i suffer with trying to know what side i should side with, and i never know, and i never decided, i just...live with it. post comment

machall [17 Mar 2004|12:08pm] [ mood | cynical ] [ music | "45"-Shinedown ] http://machall.com/ the strip from the 15th describes me so very well :'( i miss it. *sigh* i hate windows. post comment

The Ides of March [15 Mar 2004|06:36pm] [ mood | curious ] [ music | "Alive"-KoRn ] beware for someone who ye thinks is close to thy, shall betray thy...dum dum dum. anyways. today was the first day of spring break...on the ides of march...dum dum dum. anyway today was alright, kinda boring, not productive, but kinda relaxing. played video games, hung out, talked to jake when he got home. thats about it. played drums, it was fun, i finaly got to use the cymbal from school. im gunna go, yeah. post comment

so yeah [10 Mar 2004|04:52pm] [ mood | nervous ] [ music | "Ddevil"-SOAD ] so yeah today is the 10th, the day after my birthday, and id like to say, i had a very nice birthday. nothing big or anything, but it was good. I applied for a job on monday, and they called back and i have an interview on tuesday. wooo. im excited. I also found out that the National Honor Society accepted me, and so now im a part of NHS. so overall everythings pretty good. im looking to the weekend, spring break next week, but in my mind its not spring break just a week off, real spring break will be when lindsay and sasha come visit me :-D. so much fun. i hope they get tickets soon. im getting nervous. 1 comment|post comment

pissed as hell [04 Mar 2004|06:36pm] [ mood | angry ] [ music | "fade to black"-metallica ] right when i calm my self down from being pissed. people go and piss me off again. i dont know why i put up with it. i hate this post comment

march sucks [04 Mar 2004|04:26pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | "pull me under"-dream theater ] well so far march has been bitter sweet, four days into it and its just been alright. not horrible, but not good. im just pissed. last night i remebered we had this stuff called "tension tamer" tea so i drank some, and it was good, it made me feel good. it made me tired and really good. but unfortunatly there isnt enough tea in this world to satisfy my painful life. i need to buy some, because it was the last bag. im just kinda pissed because i dont like when people are happy and ignore me, i like when people are happy and include me, thats great, but it just sucks when people are happy without you. its angering. but yeah i havent written in a while. lent started, i gave up soda, swearing, and im trying to be more patient, the only succesful one is no soda, and that i even screwed up the first day, but i felt bad, and i feel bad for not being commited enough. but i try. back to more recent stuff. ive been having spurts of frustration, blah, it pisses me off. oh well. i have to study for a test and do notecards, ill write again more. p.s. if you give a fuck about me, dont talk to me about how other people make you happy. simple as that. post comment

[19 Feb 2004|04:29pm] Fear is inperfection but a lack of fear is not reality post comment

im happy [16 Feb 2004|10:40pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | "if youre not the one"-daniel beddingfield ] i want to say something, right now im happy, and im happy because i am in the mind set of savoring everything i have to the last drop and never taking any last bit of it for granted. well at least i how to continue to and since i left for drivers ed tonight have been doing. all that i can say is i love lindsay, and well i should appreciate my feelings for her, and thats not going to change, i love her. she means alot to me, i want to be her partner in life for the rest of life, but if i cant all i can do it watch out for her, and thats what i need to do no matter what. so im always going to try to keep her safe, and i just can hope for the best, and keep on loving her and never stop. just a few happy tears from a simple action can give all this hope. i love you lindsay post comment

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