And Maybe You Should Sleep's Recent Entries

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16th June 2003

2:25am: I'll be, the greatest, fan of your life. ^Survey^

02.25

*~Y O U~*

Name: Do you really need to know? How about initials. D.H.Y.
Birthdate: December 27th
Current Location: Um, in my living room, in front of my computer...
Hair Color: Brown.
Righty or Lefty: Ambidexturous (sp?)
Innie or Outtie: o.o Innie

*~D e s c r i b e~*

The shoes you wore today: Um, they're white...with color-codable thingies on the sides.
Your hair: o.o Short. Swing cut...Can't put it in a pony tail..it was gelled, earlier.
Your eyes: o.o I'd tell you if I wasn't too lazy to get up and look in a mirror. I'd suppose a almost-honey brown, but a bit darker?
Your weakness: Nothing *coughs* I'm tough as nails.
Your fears: lol I'm afraid of the world around me. I've too many anxieties to list, sorry.
Your perfect pizza: *blinks* Um...cheese...tomato sauce...crust...*nods*

*~W h a t . I s~*

Your most overused phrase on aol/aim: "..." then putting whatever I want to say. I hesitate too much, typing.
Your thoughts first waking up: It varies from day to day, situation to situation.
The first physical feature you notice in the opposite sex: Physical? Um, lips, because people are normally talking when you meet them...and I look at a person's lips when they talk *shrugs*
Your best physical features: ...I have none? Ergh, I guess my......Um....eyes? I dunno.
Your usual bedtime: I think mom's given up on trying to give me a bedtime.
Your greatest accomplishment: Living through the past three years - and learning to love again. *nods*
Your best memory: Best? Um...*thinks*...I can't think of one. Maybe T.H. is right - I do only remember the bad, I guess.

*~D o . Y o u~*

Smoke: Occassionally.
Cuss: Occassionally?
Sing well: lol No.
Take a shower everyday: Yup yup.
Like high school: I haven't started high school, yet. But our schools are combined (middle and high) so I don't think it will be much different.
Want to get married: Perhaps...at some point. Once I get my head straightened out.
Type with your fingers on the right keys: Yes.
Believe in yourself: o.o Sometimes.
Get motion sickness: ...If I ride in the backseat on rides longer than 2 hours, Hell yeah.
Think you're attractive: No.
Think you're a health freak: lol More so than I used to be.
Get along with your parents: Not usually.
Like thunderstorms: Mmmm, yeah...I do.
Play an instrument: Yeah, I do.

*~I n . T h e . P a s t . M o n t h . D i d / H a v e . Y o u~*

Drank alcohol: Alcohol..Yes.
Smoke: Yeah, I have.
Done a drug: o.o Nuh uh. Was supposed to, though.
Made Out: lol No.
Go on a date: Ummm, nuh uh.
Go to the mall: In Georgia, yeah.
Been on stage: Nope.
Been dumped: Nope.
Gone skating: o.o That's what I wanna do...but no.
Made homemade cookies: Nope.
Been in love: ...Yes...*shrugs* But I'm 14, so that can't happen right? Hah.
Dyed your hair: I want to...but haven't, yet.
Stolen anything: o.o Nuh uh?

*~H a v e . Y o u . E v e r~*

Played a game that required removal of clothing?: o.o Ever? Yes lol
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: o.o I'll include drug use on this, so yes.
Been caught "doing something": Um, no.
Been called a tease: Mhmm
Gotten beaten up: Mhmm
Shoplifted: Not shoplifted, no.
Changed who you were to fit in: I'm 14...of course I have. That's what middle school is for. Discovering and reshaping who you are to fit in with who you want to be...*shakes head* Yes.

*~T h e . F u t u r e~*

Age you hope to be married: ...Before I'm 35?
Numbers and Names of Children: lol I'm not sure I'm ever going to have any. I don't want more than 2 or 3, though.
Your Dream Wedding: Um...At night, in the mountains, outside.
What age do you want to die: I'm not sure, anymore.
What do you want to be when you grow up: Child psychologist.
What country would you most like to visit: I may be going to Germany next year. So other than that *thinks* And I've already been to Mexico...So...Russia or France.

*~C u r r e n t l y~*

Current Clothes: Tan canvas pants and my tan dragon shirt.
Current Mood: ...Extremely confused *shrugs*
Current Hair: ...The gel's come out of it, so it's poofy.
Current Annoyance: My thoughts.
Current Smell: ...Oxygen?
Current thing you ought to be doing: Sleeping.
Current Desktop Picture: Um...A purple/blue thing.
Current Favorite Groups: o.o I don't have favorite groups, but I'll say who's on my playlist, at the moment. *looks* Hootie and the Blowfish, Edwin McCain, Bryan Adams, Lifehouse, Third Eye Blind, Tonic, and Our Lady Peace
Current DVD In Player: Don't have a DVD player. And there's nothing in the VHS.
Current Worry: ...*shrugs*
Current Crush: Crush...crush...No crush *shrugs* Ok, that's enough of personal stuff. Ciao.

02.53

Current Mood:

confused

Current Music: Bryan Adams

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15th June 2003

11:22pm: Suddenly the world, is all brand new.

23.22

I slept late today. Very, very late. I woke up around 4 PM, and I had to leave at 5. So go me for sleeping to the last minute. Yes, today was Fathers' Day. Did I talk to mine? Not a chance. I did go to my grandparents' house for dinner, though. It was so cute. My cousins gave our grandfather a shirt that said "Grandpa is my name, Spoiling is my game." I read it and said, "Yup."

My cousin, A.V., brought a friend over. I thought the friend would be this girl a friend of mine dated, and was ready to go home if it was. It would not have been a pleasant sight. But it wasn't, so I stayed. And she turned out to be a very nice person - very good with A.V.'s song, D.M. *Note: The initials is starting to irk me. But oh well.* And my cousin, J.V. (A.V.'s older brother) - his son was so sweet today. He gave kisses and hugs and well - let's just say he's doing better since he got tubes put in his ears.

Anyway, I came home and this girl I talk to, sometimes, IMs me with "signs of depression" thing. The parts that apply to her were bolded. Why does she do that? If you're going to go around parading the signs you show, then they're going to throw you in a looney bin. If she wants sympathy, I'm sorry, but I've got issues with myself - and with other people - as it is. *sighs* Really, I care. But...I dunno.

Tomorrow is Monday...whoo. That much closer to Tuesday and talking to someone. Anyway, I saw Fear Dot Com on..Tuesday/Wednesday. It scared the begeebus out of me. Then I saw The Ring on Wednesday (so Fear Dot Com must've been Tuesday), and it was boring. Really, it didn't scare me at all. *blinks*...*shrugs*

I really ought to finish this book in the vampire series I'm reading. I've been reading it for going-on 3 weeks, now. But that's only because I haven't read it every day. I could finish it in two days, if I took the time. But I'm sleeping a lot, lately. Especially the last two days. Hopefully all the aspirin is out of my system and I'll get back to normal.

lol T.H. is giving a friend advice on "romantic intercourses." He's right - he shouldn't be giving advice on that. But hey, at least he tries. Hmm, he and I have gone from user/usee, to somewhat friends - but not, to....whatever we are now. Geeze, I know he cares, it just. I dunno. I can't even put it to words, privately, much less to him. But he wants an explination, every time we get into an arguement about it, on why I don't trust or believe him. So maybe that's what I need to figure out next. I don't know. I'll write later. Ciao.

23.32

Current Mood:

sick

Current Music: Bryan Adams

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1:45am: Ring Around the Rosie with Russian Roulette

Ring Around the Rosie with Russian Roulette

I wonder how many times we can go around
Pin eachother's shoulders to the ground
And laugh in your face, my dear
Laugh in your face, my fear
Bite once more, the hand that feeds you
Lie to the voice you know speaks true
And laugh in your face, my dear
Laugh in your face, my fear

We can play Ring Around the Rosie
With pistols for Russian Roulette
Grab my wrist and slice it
How far can we get
How far can we get

Watch you dance the peacock's dance
Put yourself into a deep-set trance
And laugh in your face, my dear
Laugh in your face, my fear

We can play Ring Around the Rosie
With pistols for Russian Roulette
Grab my wrist and slice it
How far can we get
How far can we get
Play Ring Around the Rosie
(Pockets full of posie)With pistols for Russian Roulette
(Ashes, ashes)Grab my wrist and slice it
(We all fall down)How far can we get
(Falling down)How far can we get
©Hope

Midnight Fair

We sat out on the dock
Took off our dirty socks
And soaked our feet in the water
I wondered aloud about forever
Wondered about relations we've to sever
And wonder could this get better
Held hands while we walked back
Shoes left on the rack
So we could go with feet bare
Skipping under the night sky
Skipping while I don't cry
Skipping down to the midnight fair
And we sing on the faris wheel
We sing a great, great deal
While we spend the night together
And once again I wonder
And, for variation, I ponder
About if this day could be better
Spent the night on that wheel
With only our emotions to feel
Wrapped up in eachother's embrace
Walking eachother to the split
Parting hands that fit
Your smile lingering on my face
©Hope

Current Mood:

weird

Current Music: Tonic

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14th June 2003

11:04pm: June 14, 2003

23.04

So let's see. First off, no names will be mentioned. Not because I'm trying to be dorkish or respectful, but I really doubt my friends want to see their names pop up in an online journal that can be read by any weird sicko out there. So ces't la vie. First and last initials will be used. And if there are repeats, then middle initials will be used. Tada - hopefully they'll be able to pick out who they are. Ciao.

Yesterday was the first day I was home from Georgia, visiting at my father's house - and my brother's house. Mom went and picked up our chihuahua, Valentine, from the kennel. Agh, puppy kisses are supposed to be sweet - they're nasty. Um, then I had to go over and sit with my great grandmother while my grandfather took my grandmother for a mamogram. Whee, that was boring. I watched Lifetime and read my vampire novels by Laurell K. Hamilton.

S.P. came over yesterday, too, and spent the night. She is, by far, my best friend. And we won't even get into that. We watched Kissing Jessica Stein. It was hilarious - especially to us. But anyway...then we got up and on the computer to talk to T.H. Wonderful. Those two are "dating," by the way. *claps* Anyway...

He was in a bitter mood - but he had reason, I suppose. Anyway, sorry, I'm going to go into last night. S.P. stopped talking to help my mom with something, so I got on and talked to T.H. He was being real bitter, but hey - I can handle that. o.o Anyway, S.P. grabbed a romance novel when she got done and was "reading" it, while T.H. and I were talking. He got really pissy and started saying he was ODing on pills. Well, I'm awfully damn gullable (don't correct my spelling.) So, I believed he was really doing it. But I was being way too prideful and pretending to not let it effect me - but we both know it did. I basically snapped after that. *shrugs* But it'd been coming for a few years, now.

I ended up taking 15 aspirin pills, which came to 4875 milligrams - which is just under 7 times the normal amount you're supposed to take. And I did this through his "I'm coming over there if you take one more pill thing!" (Which he ended up coming over, but not last night.) Yeah yeah, whatever. I kept taking them, and for the life of me...I don't know why. God, everything was piling up during the school year, but I shrugged it all off. And I'm still shrugging it all off, and I know it's not healthy. But it's bad when you hold things inside because there's no one to tell, and then you still feel like you've only talked to a wall after you've told someone. I can't explain it.

Anyhow, I went to sleep when mom left for work, at 6 AM. S.P. tried to come in and wake me up at some-odd-time, but I was so tired from the drugs, so I rolled over. She ended up crawling into bed with me and sleeping more. T.H. called at 1-something in the afternoon, and waking me up. It was sweet, though, actually. He was like "Are you ok?" I'm like, "Yeah," even though I wasn't. A lot of silence over the phone, though. I have this anxiety about the phone - I dunno why.

So I got online and talked to him. S.P. got up and started cutting the peppers for mom, and T.H. came over. He had surgery on his toe not long ago, so he's on one crutch. It's funny, but not. Anyway, S.P. shooed us out of the kitchen, so we chilled in the livingroom until she was done. My stomach and head were killing me, not to mention the dizziness. I was nauseus, dizzy, and could feel my racing heartbeat the whole time. It's amazing how much more aware of your body you are when you're worried about how sick you might've made yourself.

We ended up in a "my pillow!" "No, my pillow" thing (S.P. and I. Then T.H. and her.) It was cute. Then they fell asleep, but I couldn't see. Every time I'd fall asleep in the chair, I'd wake up a minute later, breathing hard and feeling my heartbeat. It scared me. I dunno why.

Hmm, S.P. called her mom at 6 PM to get picked up, and T.H. left. Hrm, he really was worried about me taking those pills, though I dunno why. I need to stop distrusting people, but it's hard. Mom's getting me an appointment with the shrink again. I stopped seeing one in October of last year, and the small amount of therapy I got wasn't helpful at all. And mom's getting me an appointment for all my anxieties/phobias this time instead of the cutting, but that's going to be obvious to the therapist, because it'll probably be the same one. *shrugs*

Hrm, and that's about all. Yup, that's all. Ok, time to go listen to T.H. talk about music and "I miss her" some more...and hopefully my stomach will stay stable. It hurt all day, and then I finally tried to eat. It stayed down! ^.^ Whoot. So now we'll see. Ciao.

23.22

Current Mood:

anxious

Current Music: Tonic

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