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[08 Jun 2008|08:52pm] |
apparently my party was great
"the best party anyone's had in ages," "the best party all year," "the best party ever."
i'm quite shocked
it was probably one of the worst nights of my life.
i wish i hadn't got so drunk.
i wish people weren't suck pricks.
i seemed to spend the whole night worrying, standing at the door telling people to get lost, screaming at people who jumped over the back fence. i got into my first actual fight ever.
people kicked my fence down, me being an idiot tried to stop them and i have scratches all over my arms and hands.
but the thing that annoyed me most was that while i was running around trying to sort out all of this drama, my friends were dancing, laughing, having a good time. i know it's not fair to complain, they were actually invited, they deserve to enjoy themselves. but they could have helped me a bit. i danced for about 30 seconds, 30 seconds out of a 6 hour party. i'd waited so long for this and right now i'm so disappointed. i think i'm the only person who didn't enjoy it.
i love the fact i've been at home for 2 days now, and nobody's bothered inviting me out anywhere.
i got into so much shit for friday
and the thanks i get is nobody talking to me after
i seriously hate my friends right now
they're all slowly drifting away, it's not fair, i've done absolutely nothing wrong
i try the best i can
but nothing works
at least i have americas got talent to cheer me up :]
it's so much better than the british one.
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[06 Jun 2008|11:55am] |
so, it's my party tonight
i managed to get the list of people down to 70, but now it's gone back up to 85
i am so scared.
the ideal plan is that everybody i want to turn up turns up
people drink, talk, laugh, dance - basically have a nice, sensible time.
but nothing will ever be that simple. there will be people trying to crash it, people passing out, throwing up, breaking things, fighting, stealing.
this is why i have never been allowed a party before, and probably never will again.
why can't people just be matuuuureeee :[
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[05 Jun 2008|01:00am] |
i
know
i'dm
drunk
you suck
type properly.
cliche stoery::
so i liked this guy
he wasntt fit/hot/idk but he was great and greatness is all i need
then
he fell in like with my friend
who eveyrone likes
seriously
in my like 4/5 years knowingg heri met one guy who didn't like her
but like 2months later
he came out
as in
gay
that's what i get.
oh no.
so since then
this is a bad story
basically i have safe friends who everyone loves and i wish someone liked me and thats pretty sad because i shouldnt wish for these things but i do and i'm sorry.
but
hah
the starting line make me happy:]
the next time i'm in town we will ..................................
i have no idea what he says
haha help me
the end
blogover :]
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[20 May 2008|11:24pm] |
use the ten gaps to write down exactly what you think of people, not mentioning any names, have fun
1) i can't believe you cheated on your boyfriend, he forgave you, and you've now done it again. although i know you better than him, i can't help but take his side here. obviously i shouldn't get involved because it's none of my business, but i can't help being involved, whoever knows about it is involved. it's annoying how you can treat him so badly, yet everybody knows what's happening and everybody still seems to love you, and they're acting as though you've done nothing wrong. then here i am, trying not to put a foot out of place for fear of people disliking me.
i know it's up to you what you do with your life, but it's not exactly fair on him. sort it out.
2) "i’ve never seen a girl guy look so good in thick-rimmed glasses before..."
you're actually beautiful, and it's sad that you don't see it. you've been running after the same girl for way over a year now, and everybody can see it's going nowhere. i was having a really bad day on saturday, and you randomly text me, which made me happy :] run after me instead. that would be more fun.
3) when was the last time we hung out without your boyfriend being there? seems like forever ago. it sucks how i can't just call you and be like "lets go get drunk." we would always end up finding something to do, as there was only two of us, we could just tag along with other people. but now you come with him, and he comes with everyone. i love the way you used to complain about nobody following the bro's over hoe's rule. i guess it never really existed in the first place.
4) you used to be such a good friend. i've smoked many joints with you, i have nothing against drugs, but for the last few months especially since you've been doing stronger ones, you've been completely obsessed with them. it's as though nothing else matters, and it sucks because you used to be cool.
5) i see you like once a month now if i'm lucky. i thought it was a good thing that two of my best friends were going out, but all you seem to do is sit in and eat chinese haha, or hang out with his other friends. hang out with us man.
6) i don't understand you. one minute you're super friendly to me, maybe even a little too friendly, and the next it's as though i don't exist. i'm probably just getting the wrong idea at times, but i hope i'm not.
7) you're the only person in this world that i dislike. we used to be good friends, but we've grown so far apart. it makes me laugh when i look back at our conversations from years ago, we were actually pretty close, but things change. you better not come to my party.
8) i miss you loads since i left school, but it seems like you hardly make the effort to come out anymore. and when you do come out, you end up sneaking off to your boyfriends house half way through the evening. another bro's/hoe's situation i think.
9) i know you're like three years older than me, but we have so much in common. i don't see us dating or anything, that's just a fantasy of mine haha, but we never talk anymore. you told me you don't like hanging around with "little kids" which rather offended me, but i've chosen to forgive you, and i think you should get over yourself and make the effort because it's not like you have a lot of friends, therefore you can't afford to lose any. ps. you're fit.
10) i can't really see how we used to be friends. you're so self obsessed and arrogant, which is like the opposite of me. i hate the stupid inside jokes you have with your friends, it makes you sound as though you're laughing at everybody else. am i just paranoid? oh well. you're just not nice anymore.
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[17 May 2008|01:23am] |
my mother keeps telling me to stop drinking
but my exams finished today
whart else am i going to do?
a park and abottle of vodka
what a great friday night...
i can't wait until i'm 18
topic change.
i hate it when my friends talk about fat people
i don't even like typing the word
and they pretend i;m not there
earlier they were like
my prom dress was a size zero but now i'm a size two i've got so fat
fghjkl;;;;;lkjg9uib
i love them, but at times like that i could kill them.
well, i wouldn't kill them because that's bad
i would politely slap them and give them a burger.
i had my english exam today
it was hell
i had so many words in my head
they're still there
hyperbole, extended metaphor, allusion, pragmatics, diminutive suffixes, elicitation, intensifiers, overt prestigeeeewtfetccc
none of it came up. fuck college.
i feel like dying
i should be going ot funeral for a friends video shoot tomorrow
but everybody hates me
so i'll probably die instead.
the end.
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[15 May 2008|06:56pm] |
lol @ my drunken rambling :]
yeah, i'm having a party
i keep having dreams where nobody turns up and it's rubbish. i really hope that doesn't happen.
the list now has 102 people, but i want pretty dallas green to come, he's the most important, how am i supposed to invite him? =/
he smiled at me the other day and it made me happy
but
tomorrow is basically my last day in college
which means it's the last day i'll see him
i might not even see him, i don't know.
i can't find him on myspace it's so gay; usually if i'm looking for somebody i'll find their friends through other people and then find them
but i've never seen him with any friends, ever.
i saw him sitting in the smoking area on his own the other day, i don't even think he was smoking. aww.
summer's coming :]
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[10 May 2008|01:34am] |
i'm watching myslef go down in peoples top friends
as in number 7 to number 21, etc. not good.
i worry too much about myspace
but top friends mean everything
everyone knows that. even if people are like "my op friends are random" they;'re obvz not.
top friends on myspace are like top friends in real life. unwritten rule.
i've been on the white wine and magners.
white wine and magners and nobody loves me
white wine and magners i want something stronger.
i'm going to have a party with like 100+ people
is that too many people?
it this a good idea?
this is so not a good idea.
i know everybody hates me
but maybe a party will win their affection
or some shit
i hate society
this took forever to writte correctly
soz about spelling mistakes
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| i can list my friends, but i can't count on them |
[27 Apr 2008|11:04pm] |
i need to stop poisoning my body with drugs and alcohol. everything aches, my life is a blur.
oh, i have a horrible cliche story:
on friday night, the guy i've liked for like ever told me he's "in love" with my friend who he's been obsessed with for like a year. i couldn't help but laugh. he doesn't understand, it will never ever happen. i don't understand, it will never happen.
also, i've realised my friends exist but aren't really there. i have nobody to talk to, like for real. and it feels crazy because i've never had so much stuff bottled up inside of me.
i'm such a boring whiney teenager.
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[24 Apr 2008|04:22pm] |
& besides you're probably holding hands with some skinny pretty girl that likes to talk about bands...
fgdskljd;a['snvkd :[
i seriously need to start taking more chances. i need to live a little. i'm going to die old, lonely and boring.
my friends said they're going to try and set me up with some guy tomorrow, who obviously doesn't like me, so it's going to end in an embarrasing mess.
if only it was hot dallas green [this guy from college who looks like dallas, but he's younger and way cuter]. i think i could honestly say that he's the prettiest boy out of all 1,500 there. my friends disagree and think i'm crazy to even notice him, but i don't understand how i could not notice him.
i have way too much textiles homework to do. i wish i knew how to use a sewing machine. i'm useless.
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[16 Apr 2008|09:24pm] |
i've just spent the last two weeks in jamaica, and it was pretty amazing to say the least. i had internet withdrawal symptoms for the first few days, but i soon got over it. while i was there i read the notebook and the lost art of keeping secrets, and although the notebook is unquestionably the best film ever, as a book eva rice beat nicholas sparks by miles.
the idea of going back in time and living without computers, televisions, mp3 players etc. makes me feel rather ill, but i would love to live in that book. spending my days drinking tea and shopping for dior shoes, and my evenings drinking champagne and looking for rich men. i could live like that.
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| i can fail before i ever try. |
[24 Mar 2008|07:33pm] |
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it's snowing. it's nearly april, and it's snowing. all i want is the summer, but the weather seems to be tormenting me to no end. i want flip flops, beaches, ice cream, parks, barbecues, camping, summer dresses, all nighters, no college. college is seriously killing me at the moment - all i seem to do is sit here doing coursework; i'm constantly rushing, never relaxing. the craziest thing about it is that my friends always seem to be out having fun, while i sit here slaving away. in the end they'll all still get better grades than me, i don't understand it. they're like super clever. why should i work so hard? all i want is the summer.
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[06 Mar 2008|04:44pm] |
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when i see him i get butterflies. i don't even know him, yet my insides feel like they're crammed with those magnificent winged insects every time our eyes meet. i go to my class 5 minutes early on a thursday because i know he'll walk past. haha i'm such a stalker. he'll be gone in may. i should talk to him. no he'll think i'm crazy. he'll be gone in may. i should talk to him. i can't talk to him.
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[05 Mar 2008|03:41pm] |
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we were supposed to be going to the get cape signing today. i remember the first time i saw him at rayleigh mill, he promised he'd keep coming back to southend even when he got big. now he rarely even plays at chinnerys. so today all we needed to do was buy his single, and we'd get to see him play in southend for once, and i'd be able to meet him and tell him not to fucking sell out. but my friends have let me down once again. i should start a tally.
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[03 Mar 2008|07:44pm] |
i'm tired of sitting in smoke filled bedrooms every evening, wishing things were different. i hate being seventeen, and i hate listening to my friends perpetually churn out the same repetitive jokes. i seem to spend more time bunking off college than actually going to lessons these days. when i fail i'll only be able to blame myself.
i know my problems are far from catastrophic, but i don't care.
i think i need to sort my life out.
a list of things i need to do:
catch up with everything at college. sort out my licence so i can drive far far away. get a better job. go back to the gym fatty. find a way to hibernate until i'm 18. meet a boy. make some new friends, good friends.
on a lighter note, i saw reel big fish last night. i don't really like their music, but they were actually pretty good. it sounds disgusting, but there's something quite invigorating about being thrown around in a hot heap of sweaty boys. i lost my shoes and my straight hair quickly became an afro, but it was humorous, and some of the guys were rather hot. especially this one with perfect stubble who was dancing like a mad man; he later turned round and kissed his boyfriend in the encore. what a disappointment.
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[29 Feb 2008|10:07pm] |
i just deleted most of my old journal entries, it's strange looking back at my views from two years ago. i was a bit of a weirdo.
it's like finding an old diary; when i was 14 it was a year of "omgzz he's so hot i love him" haha i would actually write the word love, and believe it too. damn my naivety. when i turned 15 my thoughts were more like "i hate the world, die die die." 16 was similar, but a lot of the entries were written after a drunken night out, therefore they don't really make sense to my sober mind.
i don't write a diary anymore, i don't know why. it's not like i have anything better to do.
it's nearly 11 on a friday night, and nobody's called me to go out. i hate being the one to have to invite myself out with my friends now, especially as i know i'll be the tag along/third wheel. i hate how they all got boyfriends all of a sudden, like it's some kind of new trend that i was too slow to catch onto.
a boyfriend would be nice. valentines day was a bit sad, sitting on my own playing spider solitaire until the early hours of the morning listening to radio 1. they played first day of my life which was like the ultimate song i didn't want to hear at that moment.
it's strange hearing that on the radio. i still don't think i'm over the whole fall out boy thing. then i flick through the music channels and see bands like boys like girls playing. and since when were plain white t's so big? when did this even happen? everything's changing so quickly, everyone's changing so quickly.
my parents are supposed to be paying for my driving lessons for my last birthday, that was two months ago, and i still haven't got around to booking the first one. i don't want things to change this quickly. i don't want to grow up. take me to neverland.
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[20 Jun 2006|07:50pm] |
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When i said we'd run away and leave this town behind
What i meant was that we'd run away just you and i
wow i haven't posted on here in a while...
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| Dunno |
[26 Aug 2005|03:19pm] |
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ok this is my first time writing on here, and i dont have much to say at the moment. Well i'm watching spongebob... because it rocks:) this site is kinda confusing... bubi xx
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