Kelly's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]

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[27 May 2003|04:49pm]
[ mood | stoked ]
[ music | Simple Plan:: Addicted ]

OCC-ness )

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[18 May 2003|11:43am]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | Marilyn Manson:: Tainted Love ]

I'm so hard core!! *laughs*


BEVERLY HILLS-- "She's a hoot," Kelly Clarkson says in her Texas drawl. "She's so crazy, like, so different from what you would picture."

America's idol is recalling her collaboration with songwriter extraordinaire Diane Warren ("Rhythm of the Night," "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing"), but she might as well be describing herself.

Straight up, Clarkson is a hoot. And she's crazy and different than you'd think. She's a Southern belle with enough charm to win over Simon Cowell, but she's also got a bit of the other Kelly in her...Osbourne, that is.

She adores Reba McEntire but has a soft spot for Metallica.

"Nobody believes I'm, like, the mosh pit girl ..." Kelly Clarkson

"Everybody thinks it's hilarious that my favorite band is the Toadies," Clarkson says, toasting her fellow Texans as she sips bottled water in an RCA Records conference room, which is decked out with a killer sound system and a wet bar. "Nobody believes I'm, like, the mosh pit girl, I'm the bodysurfing girl at the concerts. Everybody sees me as little white Kelly from Texas who should be singing country or something."

The truth is she's a lot of both. Clarkson is the homecoming queen, the girl all the cliques like, even though she's not really in one. When it came time to title her debut album, Kelly wanted Pigeonhole This, as in, "Just try to categorize me!"

More... )

Also.. single once again.. I think I'm going to give up on this relationship thing for a while...


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[10 May 2003|11:44pm]
[ mood | hurt ]

I'd be lying if I didn't say I felt my heart break today...

I remember the wind blowing in your face
How our hearts would beat at the same pace
Holding hands and breathing slow
Smiling and pretending not to know

I remember the sun shining on my face
When I saw that smile my heart would race
It was a dream from which I couldn?t wake
Until the day I felt my heart break

We were young and so in love
I fell so deep there was no way back up
When you took and broke my heart
I found myself right back at the start

I remember riding around in your car
You made me feel like a movie star
Glitter so shiny you kind of had to squint
I swear you held a sign that said dreams for rent

I fell hook line and sinker for those silly lines
I?ve had to ask myself a hundred million times
Was the dream worth the price that I paid
The answer?s always the same I?m afraid

I promise I better update soon.

--<3 Always--

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[04 May 2003|08:12pm]
I seem to be at a loss of words, all the time lately. I don't know where to start or where to even end. I haven't talked to Joel in a while, Trent misses him. This morning Trent and I talked over breakfast, I couldn't believe how big he's gotten and how far he's came. In his 5 years, he has expereinced so much in his life and dealt with so much, and he still is one of the best behaved, most forgiving, and understanding 5 year old out there. He has so much love in his heart, and is so bright. He hopes to be in a band when he grows up, just like his daddy, of course "after he finishes college". I've never pushed him about his future, but he said that he wants to go to College. And I'm proud to hear him say that, I know I never made it that far. No matter what he does in life, I know I will be so proud of him. He's my baby.

Well Dave and I are dating. I really never expected us to get together, it sorta just happened. I really love spending time with him and being around him. He really makes me happy. I'm really excited to see what the future holds for us.

I know this is short. I promise I'll write a better update soon!

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[27 Apr 2003|05:00pm]
Well it's been a tough week to say the least. Monday I went in for my check-up on lil Bianca Ashlie (Trent and I named her) and... *pauses* She had no heartbeat. My baby girl was dead. I felt as if my heart instantly shattered. The Doctors wanted to remove her immediately, and so I gave birth to her. It was so hard, I was alone and they induced my labor, and I had her. They placed her in my arms so I could see her at least once. She was so beautiful. She had beautiful brown hair, and she just looked as if she was sleeping. I know that this is better for her, I don't think I'm stable enough to be able to raise her all by myself with no father involved in her life at all. She's in a better place and I will miss her greatly and won't help but wonder what life would be with her. I'm doing okay, it still hurts though. I sat down and talked with Trent about what happened. We cried together and laughed a bit together. I know it just broke his heart, but he understands she's up with God now.

Talked with Joel a bit today. I think I convinced him into having an actual ceremony for him and Benji. My brother, who's a Priest said he would marry them if they'd like. He just can't give them the official licence. I want to make sure their wedding is beautiful and absolutely amazing, they really deserve it

*smiles* Well.. I'm currently out with Damien, so I will write about that later or tomorrow.

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[13 Apr 2003|12:20pm]
[ mood | alone ]

So yesterday Benji and I took Trent to the Kids Choice Awards. He had soooooooo much fun. He was going wild seeing all his favorites from Nickelodeon. I think Benji was just as excited as Trent if not more. Haha. Trent met Justin for the first time, haha Trent asked him why his hair was so big. Can't help but love kids.

I've been out here on the NFG and GC tour for about a week now, and sad thing is I've seen Joel once. So I've been spending most of my time harassing Benji and having pointless late night convo's with him. He makes me laugh, which I admit I don't do too often. So I really have fun hanging out with him.

She kicked for the first time other night when Benji and I were talking. It was so amazing, and she was so excited for something. I made Benji feel, I don't think he's ever really felt something like that before. I was so excited to feel her kick so I jumped up and ran over to him and grabbed his hand and make him feel her. I've never felt a baby kick so much in my life, but she was kicking.

Ok I feel an emo streak coming on.. so I'm going to end my update now.

--Love Always--

PS:: My CD comes out in.... 2 days!

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[09 Apr 2003|12:47pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Once again I'm long overdue for an update.

So much has happened in the past two weeks.. I don't even know where to begin. Well Taylor moved away. I'm really not sure where.. Natalie did call me and told me this was something they just had to do. She apologized and sent their love. I'm sure it was just too much for Taylor to deal with.. him getting his family back, then having me there on the side, pregnant with his baby girl. So here I am, left alone to raise a lil girl on my own. I'm not asking for a pity party or any sympathy. I have some wonderful people around me that I know will help me out. Emotionally it's hard thought... I went to the Doctor and heard her heartbeat, and there was no one there to share the joy with me. But it's just something I am going to have to deal with. Joel and I spent the day together a couple days before he left on the tour.. he told me he wanted to be the father figure for the baby. It really touched me, and left me speechless. At the same time I feel it's too much for me to ask of him. His hands are full as it is with the tour and Trent.

Ashley Angel.. *sighs* that was quick lived. I really thought we had something going there.. but apparently I was wrong.. I haven't heard from him in a couple of weeks now. But I'm dealing.. of course how could I find someone that perfect for me? C'mon we're talking about Kelly Clarkson.. it's inevitable that I remain alone in my life..

Benji came over before they left on the tour. We hard some ice cream together.. haha well of course. I think that's how Benj and I bond.. haha over a bowl of ice cream. I'm glad he comes around a lot because Trent looks up to him so much. "Uncle Benji is so cool! When is Uncle Benji coming over?" Uncle Benji this, Uncle Benji that.. Trent loves his Uncle Benji. Benji is so amazing with Trent. The other day Trent pointed out every single one of Benji's visible tattoo's and asked what they were. Benji took the time to tell Trent. Trent has so many questions, and he's so curious about everything. He keeps asking me when he can get a tattoo 'Like Uncle Benji'.. hahaha. But then at the same time he looks up to Joel too. He dressed up in his Made gear and performed "The Anthem" the other night. So cute. Who would have thought.. my son, the punk rocker. hahah He has a whole lotta Madden in him.

Right now Trent's on the road with the boys, I'm not sure if I'm going to actually hit the road with them. I'm having all these pains and such from the lil one, I just don't think it will be the best thing for me. But we will see.

Lastly.. I just can't help but say.. wow I can't believe how incredibly selfish people are around here. I've said it once and I will say it again, suicide is nothing but a selfish act and especially when you have a family you would be leaving behind. But hey I guess that's just how I feel.. hate me or whatever now. I just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading. Until next time...


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[24 Mar 2003|12:46am]
[ mood | flirty ]

*puts Trent to bed and walks into her room, throwing her keys on her nightstand and sitting down on her bed as she opens her laptop*

I believe that fate has it's reasoning's and things happen to teach a lesson and make us all better people. Experiences can be amazing, but can also be horrible. I think I have my fair share of horrible. Especially in the past month... but things I think are finally looking up...

My Album is about to come out and you all better go buy yourself a copy. I'm pretty excited for that, not liking the diets I am on and the constant nagging from my managers, but it's ok, at least I'm doing what I love to do again. I mean I can go on about what pisses me off, but I'm not going to do that. I'm thankful for a lot of things... I'm thankful I have a happy and healthy son.. he is more then anything I could have ever asked for. And *places her hand on her stomach* I wasn't sure how to feel about this one, but I'm blessed. I'm also expecting a daughter. It will be a while before she arrives, but it will be long awaited. I can't believe I'm going to have a lil girl. I've always wanted to baby girl, and thank you to the work of god, I will get her.

Today I put Trent down for his afternoon nap, and well I was flipping through my phonebook, looking at who I haven't talked to in a while and the first person in my phone book was probably the one who I hadn't talked to in the longest... Ashley all probably know him as Ashley Parker Angel from O-Town. Ash and I have known each other for some time now. We met at one of the many Hollywood Parties and totally hit it off. We instantly became good friends. He was still with Shell and I had just won American Idol, so eventually we drifted apart. So I decided to go ahead and try and give him a call. He invited Trent and I over to catch up and hang out a bit. Since Tay and I split it seems Trent somewhat resents boys, not really wanting to be around any male besides Benji and Joel. But he took a well liking to Ashley. They played basketball together and of course Trent was so happy when Ashley made him some koolaid. Well Trent fell asleep in Ashley's arms, so Ash took Trent and put him down and came back to talk with me for a bit, until Trent woke up. There was this really awkward tension between us, and then the next thing I knew I was in his arms kissing him. I must say it never felt so good to be in someone's arms again, but then I got scared and wasn't sure if either of us really wanted that.

I have a lot that comes with me. I can't be that girl looking to have a good time. I now have to think about my future, Trent's future, my soon-to-be daughter's future. I don't want someone to sleep with and that's it.. I want someone to come home to, someone to talk to, someone to help raise my children.. and eventually our children.. I want someone to laugh and cry with, I want someone to be in love with. I told Ashley this, and he said he wants the same. I felt as if I was dreaming or that it was all too good to be true. I mean is it too soon to feel something so right? Who knows. We'll see what happens with that.

*yawns and stretches a bit*

I think I found a house. Because of the release of my new album, they gave me a bonus and well basically I have enough money to buy a new piece of property. No more condo's or apartments for me. You know my condo was my 2nd home to burn down.. what the heck? And neither were my fault. I don't regret moving in with Joel and Benji. It's so much easier living with them, and raising Trent together. And I know it's easier on Trent. unfortunately we can't live like that forever. *takes a deep breath* Trent will be living with Joel...

Lately all Joel and I do is fight. I feel as if he's always angry with me, and I hate it. We used to be almost best friends, now we are completely strangers. I know people grow apart, but us growing apart was the last thing I expected or wanted. Yes, I'm sad we don't have our long talks or spend time together anymore. But it happens. There's nothing I can really do about it. All I have ever wanted is for Joel to be happy, so I went to my lawyers and signed over the custody contracts to Joel...

well I'm starting to doze off now.. so I will talk to y'all later.


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[09 Mar 2003|11:43pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

Well I am long overdue for an update.

So, I had a lot of time to think while I was in the hospital. Sitting alone in a hospital room for a week will do that to you...and I'm glad because I have learned a lot of things about myself.. some things I'm proud of and some new things that I'm not so proud of.

Firstly, as terrible as the accident was, I'm slightly grateful for it because it brought Benji and I closer I think. The other night we ate a whole tub of ice cream between the two of us, but it was nice. We talked, laughed and even cried. I now see why Joel left me for him...Benji is an amazing guy.

I am so sad for the twins. I know they lost their father, and I can say I honestly know how it feels. No matter how much I didn't talk to my father and no matter how much we faught, I still was crushed when he passed away earlier this year. I wish Joel could open up and talk to me, it hurts me to see him hold it in...I know he's hurting inside, I can see it in his eyes.

So as everyone knows, Taylor and I have gone our separate ways. And I won't lie, it hurt. Boy did it hurt like crazy, my heart felt as if it was torn out and stomped on. I cried myself to sleep at least 3 nights in the hospital, but ya know what I'm happy for Taylor and Natalie, I'm glad Ezra will have both of his parents, living together and happy together. Trent will now have that too, I am living with Benji and Joel since my condo burned down. It's nice, because I'm rarely alone, and Trent can see his Father whenever he wants. I missed Trent so much while I was in the hospital, and I can't believe how much he has grown in the short amount of time I didn't see him. He's talking up a storm, and even sings "The Anthem". Speaking of singing, I have talked with my Lawyers and AR Reps, and well... we reconstructed my contracts and I'm going to sing again. I think that is why I have changed so much and been so unhappy, I wasn't singing... Joel had told me from the start he wanted me to sing, and he was right, I need to be singing. So I have had a lot of inspiration in the past year, and look forward to writing some new songs. But most importantly I look forward to singing again on a daily basis.

I can honestly say, though I have some things I need to discuss with someone, and that I still have some pain inside me, I am HAPPY! Did you read that? I am Happy!!! I am going to start doing things for myself, rather then worrying about trying to please someone else. And you know what, no one is going to stop me from that happiness I know I deserve, you can call me selfish or say I'm a whiner but you know what, I don't give a ish what you have to say anymore. I think Christina says it all...

Sorry if I ain't perfect
Sorry I don't give a -what-
Sorry I ain't a diva
Sorry just know what I want
Sorry I'm not a virgin
Sorry I'm not a slut
I won't let you break me
Think what you want

So despite what others may think, Natalie and I are friends. That girl is so sweet and so awesome... earlier tonight I just broke down and cried. I mean I have Benji and Joel who I know I can always talk to... but I needed to talk to a girl.. someone who would understand the situation. I didn't know who to call, but I called Nat, and she dropped everything to come see me. She really helped the situation and gave me some really good advice. Nat, I love you girl.. you are one of my best friends, thank you *SO* much for everything. Also, while we were talking we decided to throw the Twins, Taylor and Trent a BBQ Birthday party since the twins turn 24 on March 11th, Trent turns 1 on March 13th, and Taylor turns 20 on the 14th. And weather they like it or not, we are throwing them a party.... So Friday everyone better come. It will be a blast!

Geezus Christ Kelly have you talked enough? Ok I'm finished for now, I may write more later...we will see...


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[01 Mar 2003|01:40pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman::Britney Spears ]

Where to begin? Well yesterday, I just had to get away... I drove...drove forever...didn't know where I was going, or where I would end up, but I just drove. It's been a while since I did that, and my head isn't so cluttered. I mean there is still a lot on my mind, but not so much.

I guess where to start is with the fact that Tay and I kinda got into an arguement...which the base problem of it, is just our communication is off. He thinks that I'm jealous of the fact that Natalie is back, and he spends time with her. Natalie and I are friends, I love that girl, she is such a sweetie, and I'm not jealous, and I'm not making him choose between either of us. I trust that him and Natalie are friends, and nothing more is going on between them. Well anyways, I knew Tay was upset with me, thinking I was making him choose, and pushing him around. I lost sleep over it, I can't stand fighting with him, or anyone else. It just tears me up, especially when it's someone I love so much.

The next day, Natalie took Trent out for ice cream, while I went over to try and talk with Tay. I stopped at Joel's on the way, and then I recieved a phone call from my neighbor, my condo had completely burned down. Joel took me over to there, and I was horrified. They were able to recover most of my things, but my home was gone...

Later that night Tay checked Natalie into the hospital, from what I understand she Od'ed. I couldn't believe it, that doesn't seem like anything Natalie would do. I was so scared for her....

Tay came and got me to take me to the hospital, for what I thought was to see Natalie, but he checked me in too...

I was weak, I was pale, I was sick to my stomach, I didn't look good.

I hadn't slept or ate in at least 2 days, I was dehydrated from crying so much. I don't know what's wrong with me, or why I do it to myself. I don't purposly skip meals, I just don't think to sit down and eat. Especially with what was going on. The Doctor's warn me if I keep this up, they are going to have to classify me under the anorexic category, because I have a previous record of not eating. I hate it when I do things like this to myself, and I know I need to stop. When I first stopped eating, I wasn't happy with myself. I was filming "From Justin To Kelly" and everyone was on me to loose weight. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror or lay on my bed, and I will just cry...I wish I was perfect.. I wish things were better.. I just wish....


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[26 Feb 2003|10:36pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | 98 Degrees ]

I think I'm getting sick...actually I think I'm just dehydrated...make sure when you cry...drink lots of water..*nods* It's been a long day..

not much more to say.... )


*clicks update and lays back down on her bed, curled up to a pillow and holding a bear close*

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[26 Feb 2003|05:52pm]
[ mood | irritated ]

I don't know why I even try, it's not like it matters..

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[26 Feb 2003|03:18pm]
[ mood | scared ]
[ music | :Beautiful: Christina ]


I don't know where to begin, other than saying that I am worried. I have no idea what is going on at all... from what I have collected, Joel is back at his suicidal state again. Which I'm not sure he ever left. This scared me more then any of you, and more then most of you know. I don't like to see Joel like this, or anyone like this for that matter. I was in the same exact boat not too long ago I will admit. I didn't want to live anymore, I prayed that god would come and take me away from this pain. The only thing that will be accomplished for suicide, is proving your selfishness. There are so many people who love you and care about you out there, some you may know do, and some you may not know. It's not only unfair to yourself, but it's unfair to them if you take your own life. As far as cheating goes, I know I have been guilty of it, and most people have been. Just remember, it does take two to tango....

This is really REALLY long... )

I'm sorry if what I said upsets any of you. But this is my journal, and it is my opinions and thoughts. I'm not taking sides, but I felt I needed to express myself. Thank you.


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[23 Feb 2003|11:59pm]
[ mood | emo ]

Do you know how amazingly romantic it is to be in a room lit by nothing but candle's?
Yea well...

*blows out the lit candle's*

I think I'm going to watch "A Walk To Remember". I'm all sappy and emo right now.
I can't sleep.


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[22 Feb 2003|12:30am]
This is going to take if you are really interested in reading, please bare with me.

Today I woke up not thinking anything special or different would happen today.

Joel came over and had dinner with Trent and I. It's always nice when the three of us are together, Trent is always at his happiest. I have noticed something has been wrong with Joel lately, but i was never sure what. Well today, I found out. Joel had did a line at my house, which I caught. He got pissed off and left. I was hurt. I couldn't believe he would do something like that to himself. Trent can't be around a druggy father, who snorts it up all day, and doesn't give a shit about anything else. So I had decided, as much as it hurt, that Joel was no longer going to be in Trent's life, untill he cleaned up. I dropped Trent off at Avril's house and stopped by Benji and Joel's house to find Joel passed out. It was the scariest moment of my life, he was white and had blood all over his face from a bloody nose. His eyes were rolled into the back of his head. *starts to cry* So I immediately called 911 for him. I was so scared to lose him.

He is ok now, and sleeping on my bed. I watch his chest rise and fall with each breath....and I'm happy to see that. He almost died. I can help but laugh to myself a lil bit hearing him softly snore...normally I would throw a pillow at him, but I'm so glad he is alive. Tonight is going to be hard, if he can make it through the night, he will be ok. I remember one of my best friends was addicted, and I stayed the night with her, it was hell, she went crazy and ended up giving my a phat bruise on my cheek. Joel is strong, he can make it through this.

There are things about me no one knows. Things about me, I have never told anyone. Well Joel and I got into an agument, and I ended up telling him everything I have locked away and kept hidden for so long. And to tell you the truth it felt SO good. It hurt to share those feelings, but it was good to say. I know it doesn't make much sence.

I'm sure everyone see's the blown up drama that hit town...yes I know Natalie Bryant/Hanson has came here. And you know I honestly don't see the problem. As far as I know she isn't trying to win Tay's heart back, she just wants to be a part of her son's life. And I can't blame her, that is like me not being a part of Trent's life. I wouldn't be able to deal with that. Natalie has been an absolute sweetheart to me, and I thank her for that. I have heard that Tay and Nat are still married. And yes that is a lot for me to take in, but this also is going to challenge how true Tay's and my love is. If Tay still deep in his heart loves Natalie, he should be with her. Taylor and Natalie have a son together, and I know, it's a amazing thing, and it creates this bond between the parents of the child. I know Taylor loves Natalie for that reason, and I love Joel for the same reason. I think that is why Tay and I have connected so much, we have lived simular lives. And I hope he knows that I want him to follow his heart, and if it doesn't lead to me, I will understand....I will have to....everyone deserves to be with their true love. I will always love Taylor, weather it be on a friendship or romantic level, time will have to tell.

Everyone else, I think it's kind of you to stick up for your friends/siblings/whatever, but being once in that position myself of being attacked. It's not cool. This is between Taylor and Natalie, I think they should figure it out themselves.

It's been a long ass day...

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[20 Feb 2003|11:49am]
[ mood | worried ]
[ music | The Donna's ]

*wraped up in a zebra print comforter, sit's at computer*
*stares at the screen for a moment*

Wow...I don't even know where to begin...

I didn't think this day would ever happen, but I am engaged. Tay asked me to marry him, and I said yes.
*looks down at her ring*
He is so amazing to me, and spoils me so much, and I don't even deserve it. I really do love him with all my heart and soul, and I am ready to spend the rest of my life with him. *smiles*

So, I went home to Texas to see my family and go to my Daddy's Funeral. The trip started out bad, Joel, Trent and I were at the airport waiting for our flight, and a photographer took some madd pictures of us before getting on our flight. We get into Texas, my family saw the engagement ring, and immediatly thought Joel and I were engaged, and we're so happy for us. We tried to tell them the truth, but then it was worse because that photographer sold his pictures to all media and it was everywhere that Joel and I were engaged. I think I saw it on MTV, Entertainment Tonight, Extra, and it was on the cover of all those tabloid magazine's. Before we left Texas I explained everything to my Mama and Family. They understood. I know they are still disapointed in me for having Trent, when Joel and I weren't even married, I know what happened was a mistake, but it was one of the best mistakes I have ever made. When they meet Tay, they are going to fall in love... *nods* I don't know how anyone can not love him.

Trent is getting SO big!! I'm sure you have all seen him on Joel's icon. *smiles* he does look so much like his Daddy...I took some pictures of him the other day with his mohawk... it's hard to believe he is almost a year old. It's been a long and great year at that too. He is such a happy guy, and loves like, which I'm glad. He's over at Joel's right now... I miss him.

Do you know what it feels like to not be able to trust someone you love? It sucks. and it hurts. I really don't feel like getting into what happened, but it worries me. I really care for this person, and I just don't want our relationship torn apart because of a trust issue. Ok I'm suddenly not in the mood to update anymore...


*clicks update and lays down on her bed*

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[16 Feb 2003|03:24pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | :Seasons: Good Charlotte ]

Welcome all the new kids! I'm so happy to see this place growing...

So I'm going to see my Mama today. For those of you who haven't heard, yesterday my Daddy passed away. I'm doing a lot better today, but it's still hard. Me and my Daddy we're really close until I became pregnant with Trent, he was really disapointed in me. He felt I was taking the wrong path in my life, giving up American Idol to become a Mama. I wouldn't change anything about my decisions, except for trying harder to remain in contact with my Dad. I wish he could have seen Trent, I wish he could have met Joel, I wish he could have met Taylor, I wish he could walk me down the isle, if I get married, but that's not going to happen. I miss him very much, and will always love him. Monday is the Funeral, so tomorrow morning I am going to fly home to Texas with Trent, my Mama wants Joel to come, since he is Trent's Father, I haven't asked him yet, so I'm not sure if he is going. I'm also going to be singing at the Funeral, my Daddy loved my voice and it's the least I can do. I'm not sure yet what I am going to sing though... well I guess that's it for now.

Tay.. I love you baby. You know you are amazing, thank you for everything. *muah*


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[15 Feb 2003|12:43am]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | :The Day That I Die:- Good Charlotte ]

As my Valentine's Day wraps up I'm left with a lot of emotions and a lot of thoughts.

I woke up early this morning to feed Trent, and Joel had sent a dozen roses over, that was really sweet of him. It was nice to wake up to. Joel and I are still getting along very well. We spent yesterday together, with Trent and talking. We haven't had a day like that in a while. I can't even imagine having him gone on the road, he is going to miss some of the best moments with Trent. It's hard to believe he is already a month old, he is so smart and so intellegent. He looks a lot like Joel...he has dark brown hair and bright blue eyes. His hair already spikes out.. *laughs*. So earlier today I took Trent shopping with me, and I decided since I know I will be heading out to some Good Charlotte shows I needed to look like I somewhat fit in.. *laughs* So I got a new outfit.. bare with me, cause it's totally not my look..

My *NEW* Look.. haha )

Can I pull it off? Who knows. Oh yea, so I finally got my tattoo I have been wanting. It's takes up the whole small of my back... it's 3 stars.. one fairly large one, that kinda looks like one of the ones on Joel's shoulders, and then 2 small sized ones on each side of it.. it's pretty radd!!

So back to my Valentine's Day...I shopped a lil bit, bought Tay a watch for Valentine's Day. I don't know what is going on, and I'm kinda scared to ask...he seemed really distant tonight, and I didn't like it. He did get me some amazing gifts, but what I really want isn't something he can buy, I just want to be with him. Maybe he doesn't feel the same, and if he isn't happy with me, that is ok, I'll understand. I just want him to be happy. That is all I want for everyone, no drama, just happiness.

Congrats to all the new love birds and old.. I hope you had a great Valentine's Day today!!!! It's hard for me to keep track of who's with who. And those of you who are single, someone amazing is waiting out there for you, waiting to love you and take care of you, don't loose hope.

I met Wade tonight, he is a very sweet guy. And an AMAZING dancer!! I hope to kick it with him sometime. It'd be a blast.

My Lil "I <3 u" Shout outs!

Trent- My baby... I love you so much. You are the reason I am living life, I'm so thankful for you, you are my lil angel. I love you.
Joel- Thank you so much for everything, you are one of my best friends, and I love you.
Tay- I love you so much, and you mean so much to me. You are too good to me, and I honestly don't know what i would do without you in my life.
Avril- My best friend, I love you girl. I'm so glad we are friends, and becoming more like sisters each day! You are a beautiful and talented girl!!
Evan- One of my other best friends, you are awesome! I'm glad we became closer, ya know I love you.
Ike, Kelly O, Wade, Julia, Nick, Jessica, Christina, Elijah, Michelle, Ashley, Mandy, Benji, Chelle Lavigne, and everyone else, thank you all for everything, you are all such beautiful and amazing people, and I'm glad to have each of you in my life. *MUAH*

Ok i'm done now...



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[14 Feb 2003|09:50pm]
[ mood | aggravated and sad ]
[ music | :My Bloody Valentine:-Good Charlotte ]

*thinks* Gee Kell.. what did you do wrong now? *

Why do I seem to hurt the ones I love?

..::More later::..


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[10 Feb 2003|01:06pm]
Sometimes what is in the heart is best heard through music... )
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