02:07am 16/01/2007
Get Out...Now!   
11:39pm 11/07/2004
mood: content
music: "Sonic" the theme song
Well later on today I felt much better although my tonsils are still very sore. My dad and I got into a fight about cooking, and how I had to do all the work today... just the things he said though made me snap so I just gave up on cooking. He said he would stop working on my room and when that didn't bother me he said he would call mom. What a childish response! Well anyway he ended up doing it and telling me to get out of the house for awhile because he didn't want to see my face.
I went to Andrea's house (first place I thought to go to) and I just hanged out there with her. Eating soybeans and just listening to music and stuff. Thanks Andrea for that. I would've been stranded at the school if not for you lol Yeah well, later I talked to Dave online at her house and he said he was going to Flints. Ryan was driving so I left Andrea's and rode my bike straight to Flints hoping to catch a ride with them.
I ended up having pizza (Dave bought it and thank you again Dave for sharing !!!!! :-D) and just talking to the two of them for about an hour or so. Random stuff we talked about like watergun fights, knifes, games, and lazer tag. They want to play flashlight tag again which would be awesome. lol So Ryan gave me a ride home; threw my bike in his trunk with bungee cords. Thank you again Ryan!!!! And I must say his back seats are more comforatable than my bed!!! lol I could've slept back there hehehe.
When I got home I made dinner for my bro and Dad; Dad finished my room. I cleaned the kitchen. And yeah... so that's how it all turned out.
Leaving Wednesday night for my trip! I don't even have my costume yet :::tear:::: But my room is pretty much finished which is awesome.
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11:28am 11/07/2004
mood: sick
music: "The Sickness" - Disturbed
My throat feels terrible... I guess I'll just read my AP work today... ::tear:: I hate getting sick, and we are going on vacation on Wednesday mom said... I still need my costume!!! Nana and Papa are coming on Wednesday I believe which will be cool. I think that is what is happening.
I stayed up until 4:34am last night... listening to love songs and how depressing life can be sometimes...
Well better hit the books.
These random songs are popping into my head......   
01:52am 11/07/2004
mood: nauseated
music: "Unchained Melody" & "Don't Know Much"
Justin Guarini-Unchained Melody

Ohhhhhh my love
My darling
I hunger for, oh your touch
A long lonely time

I need your love
I need, I need your love
God speed your love tooooooo to me yeah

Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea
To the open arms of the seeea yeah
Lonely rivers sigh wait for me wait for me
I'll be coming home wait for meee

Wooooah my love
Oh my darlin' I hunger hunger for your love
A long lonely time, and time goes by so slowly
and time can do so much
Are you still mine

I needed your love I oh baby I need your love
Godspeed your love tooo me

Don't Know Much
by Aaron Neville

Look at this face I know the years are showing.
Look at this life I still don't know where it's going.
I don't know much but I know I love you.
That may be all I need to know.

Look at these eyes they never see what matters.
Look at these dreams so beaten and so battered.
I don't know much but I know I love you.
That may be all I need to know.

So many questions still left unanswered.
So much I've never broken through.
And when I feel you near me, sometimes I see so clearly.
The only truth I'll ever know is me and you.

Look at this man so blessed with inspiration.
Look at this soul still searching for salvation.
I don't know much but I know I love you.
That may be all I need to know.

I don't know much but I know I love you.
That may be all I need to know.
I don't know much but I know I love you
That may be all there is to know.

I just thought of him..... and these songs popped into my head.. the second one I haven't heard since I was 7 on magic 106.7....... wow.... ....

Bowling was fun. I kicked everyone's ass at DDR. lol Thank You Nicole! I'd never have been able to do it without you! lol
Kelly and I were singing most of the songs that came on during cosmic lol and we even requested a few. hahaha I dedicated "Put Your Lights On" by Santana for Mr. Gigglesworth hahaha it was so funny. Kara came which most people weren't thrilled about.. though something about tonight felt.. off... idk.. it may have just been me but there was something up. Energies among people were wack lol
We played two games of bowling, and I realize I suck at hacky sack lol I need to practice ::::goes and practices 3 hours a day to become world camp::::: lol Wouldn't that be lovely? lol
So yeah, church tomorrow... or actually today lol And I may be doing something with Kelly tomorrow I think. Either swimming or she will come to my house and we'll go for a walk or something lol she can see my somewhat finished room then yay!!! lol
I've been slacking off on my running lately.. need to pick that up again...
06:20pm 10/07/2004
mood: excited
music: "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"
I am going bowling tonight, and this is the first time this week that I will be able to hang with my friends. So I'm going to TRY to straighten my hair by myself. lol Good Luck lol Last time I tried to do it myself my hair looked.. funky lol
Lisa has been calling me every once and awhile and I kinda feel bad that i only really stay on the phone with her for two minutes or so. I don't know. I'm either not in the mood to talk to her or my mom is kicking me off the phone. She wanted to go to the mall with us but now we aren't going as I have told you. Guess I will go with my mom some other time. I need that corset!!!
I was watchin' Room Raiders today and you know, lol I wouldn't mind to be on that show. Speaking of my room, it is nearly done. My dad is putting in the hardwood floors, and then I just need to put my furniture in, and go shopping. :)) I'm not having my closet doors anymore. I'm having beads hang down and cover it. It will look cool.
I'm going crazy   
09:12pm 09/07/2004
mood: crazy
music: "Turn Your Lights On" - Everlast
I seriously am going crazy... I am. All I ever think about is him. Him, him, him. Is that healthy? It doesn't sound it, but I feel sick to my stomach when I think about him. I wonder what he thinks about sometimes... he is a mystery in some ways to me. And what's worse is that others know him better than me... I don't think he trusts me. I'm just "the friend" that is there. The one who has to suffer with these feelings and he just looks right through me. Has he ever tried to like me? Ever? Has he ever dreamed about me as I sometimes dream of him? I look all around me and there are couples... couples, couples, couples... or at least they were at sometime. Or dating. Ben says I sound like a stalker and Jon says I just have a very bad crush.
Is it true that you can fall in love without ever dating anyone. Ben says it isn't so... but then what about love at first sight? How is that said when some haven't ever dated the other????? Love is so malicious... as is horomones... but I mean. COME ON!!!! THROW ME A BONE HERE!!!!! I'M DYING!
Sometimes I just want to get my head out of the clouds and back to reality... but reality is boring and if I think about my life as a movie the way I do... it's more interesting. My mom used to tell me to get my head out of the clouds all the time. I never liked seeing things as they were and I always had hope. Your childhood dies though and then you are stuck with mostly reality and nothing but a sploch of that dream world. Not me... I fight... I'll be damned if I'm stuck to face the world.
I thought about my age and how I was growing up. And then I realized that one day I will die. ANd when you look at it that closely... I paniced... how could I not? It's it scary? Listen to me. I girl who is fasinated with ghosts, but think about it... how alone some of them are. What if that is our future? To roam without seeing anyone else and most never seeing you?
I guess that's why most like to believe in heaven and angels and crap. Or hell... I like to believe that if there is a heaven, that it is exactly like in "What Dreams May Come" It is what you want it to be. Do you know how beautfulmine would be??? It would be so lovely and breathtaking that I would feel like I am in one of those books that make you sigh and giggle.
Well that's all for now...
"I believe that there is a hero in all of us..."   
11:38pm 08/07/2004
mood: blah
music: "Simple Lies" Endo
I saw spiderman tonight with my family. It was really good and I loved the action/romance. Thing is people find out his identity and at the end Kristen Dunst decides to stick with Spiderman. Ok.. that would totally interfer with their love life. lol I mean... he has to go to ever call for help and at the end he was rushing out to save people while he was about to kiss her. Watch, next movie they will be at a marriage counsel thing. lol You'll see.
Yeah well everything was fine until we got home. My parents and I were fighting, and my mom broke into that whole thing about pronouns again... I'm not going to get into that now though because I really DON'T want to get upset again. I actually wrote a very insane entry in my diary tonight that I think I might rip out... it even frightens me...
I did one of those quiz things on what I would look like as an immortal... I think I might draw it. Cause I'm bored of course. I picked out the corset I want for my pirate outfit if I didn't already mention that in the past.
The storm tonight was beautiful. For awhile it was just lightening and it lit up the whooole sky. As we drove down the road to get home it was dark and through the woods you could see the road light up in front of you from the lightning. Then the downpour came. I was dying to run out there and race around in it but my parents would have put up a hissy fit about it. Downpours remind me of certain people and things sometimes. Sometimes I wish I would just do whatever I dream of doing... like running through the rain to someone's house. Soaken wet and "Feels Like Home" would play in the background or at least in my head. I would knock on the door, and there would be this guy that I would kiss and then step back, look into his eyes, and then run home. It wouldn't even matter if he chased after me really, but if he did he would grab me by the arm and pull me to him. Wrapping his arms around me in a firm but gentle hold around my waist and neck... then he would kiss me with a fiery passion that would make my feet either stick to the floor or pop. lol what a silly dream... but how nice it would be if I could do that... I guess these lies that I tell myself about how someday I'll get the guts to do these things helps a little...
Sometimes I wonder if bottling my feelings like I do will someday kill me... or make me snap...
I need a hero....
Voltair Hair...   
10:12am 07/07/2004
mood: indescribable
music: "I Don't Wanna Be" by: Gavin Degraw
Well I think today might be the day that I get a hair cut. I think I will cut it a little shorter just for summer and get long bangs. Something easy to keep but looks great on me and looks good when straightened. idk.. lol I'll ask my haircutter Goldie what she thinks I should do. I have some idea what I want though.
Going to ask my mom if I can go to Bombshelter tomorrow today. I REALLY REALLY wanna go lol Going to get a tank top too today and maybe some small boots. Not too big lol
I ran for a mile today this morning. I was soooooo proud of myself lol :-D I took Snoball with me and she loved it lol. So yeah that's all for now. My computer is being an ass and I'lljust write more later. Luv ya!!!!!! ttfn
Soft... kisses on a summer day; laughing in that kind of way....   
11:25pm 06/07/2004
mood: exhausted
music: "Criminal" by: Fiona Apple
::::sigh:::: I am so bored. Kelly and I found this cool club that we are thinking of going to on thursday. It's called the Bombshelter. I hope my parents let me go because I am dying to go dance and just have fun. Meet new people and everything. I told my dad about it and he said to talk it over with my mom... so yeah got to talk to her tomorrow.
Yeah I think a friend of mine, Matt, is hitting on me. He suddenly wants to hang out with me and keeps saying that I'm cool... yeah.... so I'm going to hang out with him and Kelly on Saturday at the mall. I really think I should inform my parents abou this stuff lol so then I know I can go lol
Nothing much happening really. I'm going running tomorrow morning and I went to choir tonight. So yeah that is all for now lol
It's a Beautiful Life Oh Oh Oh Oh.....   
04:59pm 05/07/2004
mood: lovestruck
music: "Feels Like Home" by: Chantal Kreviazuk
I'm just going to write what I wrote in my diary about these days that I was gone lol:

Dear Diary, 7/3/04
I met a boy today named Seth, and he is from Albany, NY. He was the one who talked to me first and played two games of pool with me. :::sigh:::: AM I scared of boys? I think I am. I think it's just that Seth bugs me a little though and that's why I don't want to be around him lol He is like a bug that keeps nagging at ya. He is sweet and all but I have no room to breathe around him.
I'm in a better mood today. I bought 10 incense sticks, a necklace, crystals, 2 other jars of stones, a dress, 4 CDS for 12 bucks, and shoes. Mom is taking me to the thrift store if it is still there after lunch, and I can't wait! lol
Later on:
The thrift store is gone but mom says she will bring me to one around home. Oh well. Tonight there were bonfires all along the beach and it went for miles. People were setting off fireworks right next to them, and this rouge firework (the spiral ones that burst into tiny ones) came straight at this little girl near the beach stairs. Her dad grabbed her in a blink of an eye and a split second later, right where she stood, it blew up. Everyone didn't even have time to scream...
I walked the beach and the water looked like glass in the night. Like I could walk on it and if I were drunk at the time I most likely would have tried lol. I could tell where the sky met the ocean, and the stars were gorgeous. The moon was huge and red... a orange red... And I just laid on the sand and listened... and watched... and during that moment it was perfect.... So there were parties at every house with music, booze, and laughter. Even the cops got into it! I didn't go to bed until like 1 in the morning. Not late for me, but still it was cool. I talked to two women (Linda and Felicia) and I tried to teach them BS (failed miserably though) Felicia is into massage therapy; and Linda wants to go into nursing like my mom.

Dear Diary, 7/4/4
Tonight.... god tonight was perfect....... I met this guy named Josh. :::sigh::: handsome, rock solid stomach, and totally sweet! lol A real partier, and he is 18. He lives in Manchester, NH; and he says he will be back here next year :-D Josh had two other friends. Matt and Brian. Brian rocked at pool but I kicked Matt's ass at it. Josh is plain wonderful at it... only down side is that he smokes BUT I could get over that in a second lol (Though it is distasteful) Anyway, he danced with me at the party tonight. He held me! lol oh god I should like a little school girl on pixie sticks lol He was kinda drunk later on, and he whislted at me when I danced for (him) everyone lol lol God he felt good... And I didn't even have trouble talking to him at all! Yeah, he plays foot ball and hurt his arm. He seemed like a great guy, and I hope I get to see him again. I really do... AH.. summer love lol jp
Well Alex and Nikki came and we played catch with a softball. I'm actually really good at it amazingly lol ANd I like it. Josh, when we first met him, told us his name was Shawn; he hated Nikki. SHe acted like a bitch to everyone, and no one likes a bitchy person. I didn't go swimming with Nikki, but I got a nice soft tan. (Josh told me his real name later on. I should tell alex and nikki his real name later on. lol) I'm definatly telling Kelly and Andrea about this lol
I got a bunch of compliments with my dancing. I guess those dance lessons did pay off lol I WANT TO COME BACK NEXT YEAR!!!!!!! lol I really hope to see Josh again. ANd his friends.

Note from Brian: If you ever go to a bar to play pool and a drunk hispanic challenges you for money. DON'T DO IT! That person will kick your ass at it no matter how good you are! lol

And Off I go!   
07:47am 02/07/2004
mood: relaxed
music: "Scarlet" from Ceres Celestial Legend
I'm going on a camping trip. Yes sir that's where I am going. Should be fun. :) My cuz Elizabeth will be there and the beach where we are camping near is private. Government property. There is an arcade, pool table, pingpong, tv, food lol it should be awesome. HAHAHA so really the only thing that is making this thing a camping trip is because we are sleeping in a camper. How pathetic! WHat happened to the old fashioned camping? It's turned into a joke since then. lol
My brother is being a total freak about leaving his ginnea pig with the people we know because they have a cat. Oh well. He will just have to get over it. Snoball, my dog, is going into the kennel. She loves that place, and she always looks forward to it. Well I didn't pack last night so I guess I will get ready and pack now. Later kelly!
I will write again when I get back.
Ride a mile...or 7?   
09:35pm 30/06/2004
mood: calm
music: DNA "Tom's Diner"
Yeah so what did I do today? Well let's see... through half of the day I was trying to figure out what kind of hair cut I wanted. I will NOT cut it short like I said I would. For the best I suppose... Instead I will get long bangs and just dye my tips red... or a purplely red... I'll figure it out.... maybe I'll get my trim having jagged ends. I mean I do straighten my hair a lot more now and I love it.
I plan on working on my costume soon. My pirate costume which I'll tell you more about later as it comes along lol. I also STILL have to start my AP work dammit. Stupid me. Oh well... I'll start it very very soon.
My parents just went out somewhere and we are working on my room right now. I am painting :-D
I also have to check with my parents again to make sure Kelly can come over tomorrow.
Anyway, today I rode my bike to Andrea's house and we both rode around everywhere. We visited Dave and we tried to visit Ashley but she wasn't home... so yeah lol In the end we found out we rode 7 miles YAY I was so proud of that. I ate over her house; and Andrea, your family makes awesome meatballs lol.
So that's what I did. Hope you enjoyed that little tidbit lol Going to now talk to people and watch tv :) later!
MAybe 2 per day   
09:07am 30/06/2004
mood: awake
music: "I Saw the Sign" by: Ace of Base
I think what I'm going to end up doing is having two entries per day. lol I usually get so bored in the morning lol like now and this is what I do. I just hang around on the internet trying to entertain myself until someone good comes on aim or I finally have something to do. You could say I'm addicted to the internet. I'm still kinda tired and I'm slowly getting a headache right now which sucks. I think it's from lack of food or sleep. I tried sleeping in today but I couldn't! It was 8:43! I usually sleep in until 12 at the latest, but then I pretty much waste up my whole day. I guess it's kinda good that I'm up then, and I think I will take the time to straighten my hair.
I was thinking of getting side bangs. Layered only in the ront but with bangs. You'll see when I get it done lol I'll some how put a pic on here of me and then you'll see. lol I was also thinking of getting the tips of my hair dyed red. Not perminant. But just to experiment. I want to try a lot of experimenting this summer. It feels like a good time to do that, but don't worry, I'm not thinking of trying drugs. Not that kind of person and I don't plan on experimenting suicide lol.
For some reason I am terribly determined to make Dave a believer of ghosts... and in the process be able to see then again. They are beautiful... the dead are beautiful... then again so is life. I guess everything is precious in the long run... life and death... You don't really appeciate life util you finally open your eyes to everything or you had a near death experience. You gain a little more respect for everything around then.
So yeah. Like my pic? I thought it was pretty and it matched my blue background hehe. I might change it later on. I got a whooooooooole bunch of journal icons I could use. lol All of them are really cool. SOme of them move and say stuff. Need something to do today. Maybe I can FINALLY paint my room because dad is off today and he needs to rip stuff up and put tape on all the frames and door and crap lol He also has to buy this really nice brush. lol I really really want to paint lol My room is going to be a Marigold field color. Yellow is my aura...so it works out lol
Wow... three in one day..............   
11:43pm 29/06/2004
mood: gloomy
music: "Another White Dash" by: Butterfly Boucher
Yeah..... welllll....... I know kelly that you read this....... I know that I shouldn't like your "involved" guy who you are about to maybe dump.... but I do.. and I'm sure you knew this.... it's kinda obvious. That's why I didn't want to help you make your choice on breaking up with him or not. Because that isn't fair and I'd feel too horrible about it... I would. I've always liked him Kel and I've never stopped! He may be an asshole.... but I'm crazy about the boy...... and I know I have no chance with him. We both know that. I'm sorry I haven't told you that I still do like him... and I hope you aren't mad... ::::sigh::::: That felt good to say that...

I'm really really sorry Kelly from keeping that from you..... I am......
And I feel horrible for doing so.... Anyway... I hope you forgive me....
continuation of dream... and what I did today   
06:13pm 29/06/2004
mood: amused
music: some blink 182 song that I can't figure out what it is..
So anyway the woman ghost feels bad for me and suddenly one of the ghosts at the judge area takes this mirror and slams himself on the head and he disappears. Suddenly everyone said to watch out cause he is out to kill all the other judges and then kill us. So he kills all the other judges and starts heading for us. The woman rips my seat up and then runs with it out of the rtoom saving me.
2nd part: I was on some talk show.There were these two bi chicks that were making out and then they went outside to play gameboards. I was helping unload the van with one of them... and then I leaned in and kissed her... and the weird thing was that I liked it... a lot...

anyway... lol I went to andrea's house today and we were going to cook something but then I went to Hanafords with her. We bought a cake lol A good cake and posed it as our own. We also stopped off at Dunkin Doughnuts and say Ashley lol Then we went home and watched family guy...with cake!!!! lol

yeah so now I'm sad cause I can't figure out which song that CD was playing in Andrea's sister's car. It's by blink 182. :::tear:::: it was a mix cd. lol I want it!!!!! later!!!!
strange dream   
12:22pm 29/06/2004
  well last night it was a two part dream. It took place at the cottage in Humarock and there were these weird people who told us to head to the seaonce room. SO we went. It was like an oval table in the middle and then a judges desk in front with 5 people who were undead. So we had ghosts around us and they told us we were to play a little game. If we got up from our seats we would die and if we lost we would die... so we started playing and the objective was to guess how each one died and stuff. So anyway at one point I started to connect with this woman ghost and she felt bad for me cause I was kinda scared. ::tell the rest later!!!!!! g2g::::::::