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mood |
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despair |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Ivy - Worry About You |
] |
there was no hampster for "really fucking depressed" so i'll just keep it with despair..
well, second day in a row i've had a shitty day. i guess it's alright, individually, but some small things can ruin it all. shit piled up can make a day bad. one of the few good things was Hesan gave me the song i'm listening to now (looped), "Worry About You" by Ivy.. i have it on my computer now! it's more beautiful than i remember.. another good thing was i reread October Chill, and i think i like it more than i did the first time around.
some of the major problems: i have a friend, and i guess we both must be changing because it doesn't seem like we're friends anymore, or at least not quite as good. i miss someone. and someone else makes me feel even worse when i feel bad, so i have to act like "myself", which would be happy and hyper. right. (oh, and if i wanted you to know the names, i would've said it outright. so anyone who is just going to ask "gee, who do you miss??" or whatever, just fuck off, oki?)
then there's probably the worst thing of all, which came in the form of a comment from Sean. "eww, she has an X on her arm. you need to stop being a nasty cutter!"
know what? fuck you Sean. i have my reasons for doing what i'm doing, and you don't know shit about me. so just fuck off. at least i don't beat the shit out of people. at least the only marks i leave are cuts on my own arms, instead of brusies on someone else's. so next time you open your fucking mouth to piss me off again, shut the hell up and leave me alone. and you can laugh it all off, and you can beat the shit out of me and leave me bruises to go with my scars, but i don't care. i don't really care about much of anything, anymore. it's all bullshit anyway, without much of a point. so do us both a favor and leave me the fuck alone, ok? asshole.
PS: anyone who can come to the soccer game tommarow at RCHS, around 7pm, please IM or call me or something. i crave company at the moment, even if i am a bit depressing. i'll worship you when i feel better.
"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
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