tim's Journal
20 most recent posts

Date:2003-10-27 12:38
Subject:
Security:Public
Music:sugar cult- "pretty girl"

well, i havent updated in a long time so here goes...

my brother has moved back in with the fam. he needed to get away from the valley, whatever.

i feel more seperated from all but one of my friends than i have ever felt before. almost like ive been put in water to boil, and they all walked off and forgot about me. it justkinda sucks, when you realize, if i dont call them, they dont care, otherwise they would call me.

marshall is gonna come visit in two weeks, im excited.

sugar cult is comming to sin 13 next month, woot woot.

i got shitfaced for the first time in my life.

lots of other things have happened, call me to find out more!

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Date:2003-10-10 05:09
Subject:woo, what a night!!!
Security:Public
Mood: numb
Music:just the sounds in my head.... deh oh, me say deheheh oh!

well, it started with a wonderfull night of meaningless, way to underpaid, crap at work. luckily i had lauren to keep me company. after work we went to a club, thats right, can you see it, lauren in a club! she didnt really dance, but i will get her to, if not the next time, then def. the next. well after dancing with lauren, melissa, april, jen, and david; jen, lauren and i went to jims, and boy was our waitress gay! lol, well i thought it was grand. then i was feeling a little aggravated from a conversation i had with stephanie earlier that night, so we went running and burnned off all of our late night snack, which lauren is now regaining through piroline's. lol. i dont think shes read what i have typed yet. and she says "it's worth it". oh that lauren, anywho alot more stuff happened tonight that i will feel free to explain if you call me or write, or ya know, anyform of communication, anywhoo off to bed.


caio

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Date:2003-10-01 01:45
Subject:guess what, im still here!
Security:Public
Mood: discontent
Music:white stripes-"the hardest button to button"

i know its been a while and i know i have alot to say, and right now im just going to vent alot of stuff, i will prob. say somethings i dont necesarily mean to sound harsh... but it might. so this is a disclaimer, sorry guys who i offend.

for those of you who dont know, i have rediscovered my old friend mary j. alot of you kids are mad at me for it, but i dont feel its any of your business to be telling me anything about my decisions in life. if you are feeling this message to be directed at you, its not its to all the people who ive talked to about it lately. sorry steph, i love you and you are one of me bestest bestest friends, and i dont wanna lose you, but you need to respect my decisions, and i love you.

i talked to marshall about stuff, and we had a grand old discussion. i really dont wanna say to much more on that whole subject, just i still love him, and he has only been gone for like two days, but i allready miss him. i think its because hes all ive known for the past three weeks, him and lauren, and lauren is still here, i dont know how i could deal with alot of stuff without her right now, in fact, im at her house right now.

i miss high school. i never thought i would ever be saying that, but yet, here i am. i think i am afraid of the unfamilar. like, when i was in hs i knew i was waking up at 645, and amber would be there to get me at 715, and i would get to school and the day was all laid out, and all i had to do was follow it, and see my friends, and now those friends are gone. and even the ones that are here are so different that its like they are gone anyways.

my mom has asked me when i am gonna move out again. how fucked up is that, im her youngest child, why the hell is she going to kick me out on the street. and she also asked me if i had my life planed yet. like i should have my grave picked out in the cemetary and just be waiting to die now. whatever.

i need a car... so i can get the hell away from this crap. i think thats what i need, just to get away from this fucked up city... but that scares me, the whole unfamilar thing again.

i dont know... im a shopoholic. i am constantly spending money i dont need to be spending, in fact i should be saving more of it, and i know it, so why the hell do i buy a 25 dollar t-shirt? i dont know, i think there is something seriously fucked up with me. i want to get help, but im afraid of that too! i dont know about shit anymore... but i guess it will figure itself out. isnt that what they say? things have a way of working themselves out.

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Date:2003-09-16 14:32
Subject:and as for this weekend...
Security:Public

so i never told him, i dont know what ever. so basically, i was home between 4 and 5 hours this weekend. fri and saturday i stayed at laurens, and then sunday i stayed at marshalls. i cant wait to move out, you guys are all now on a search to find me a new job, that i can make enough money to move out, and get a car, ready............. go. ok well, amber is now 18, hooray! what a weekend of firsts i had, right, lauren! lol, you know what i mean. lol. ok, well if any of you really wanna catch up, you should stop reading my blurty, and find me on aim or yahoo, or even better, call my damn cell phone.

peace out,
tim

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Date:2003-09-14 04:36
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: weird

so basically, i still havent done what i wanted to do in my last post. im not at my house right now, im at laurens and steph is here and so is marshall, for those who dont know, marshall was the blank in my last post. i think im gonna try to talk to him tonight, that is if we dont do like last night, where he fell asleep on the couch and i just kinda stared at him until i decided to write in my journal. i havent actually written in my journal since last september, and he broke my block, which is very exciting. i dont know anymore, so im just a confused little boy, who doesnt know what the hell is going on half the time, i just kinda cry and it makes me feel beter. crying makes everything better.

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Date:2003-09-11 00:11
Subject:
Security:Public

i havent slept in a long time, i try to sleep, but i just lie awake and think of things. like, i have a crush, but not just a lil crush, a major crush, and the bad part is, its on one of my close friends, and its noticible. the thing is hes straight, kinda. i dont know, its very confusing and i cant discuss it in any more detail, it just tears me apart, cause i wanna be all like, "hey ________, i was just wondering, have you ever like noticed that i have one of the biggest crushes in the world on you." but i cant, and some people have said i should def. talk to him. but then others have said no, that he could get offended, or they just dont like him, i dont know. urgh. well, im off to complicate my life some more, ill post again soon.

caio

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Date:2003-09-09 03:05
Subject:
Security:Public

QuizYourFriends.com: The #1 Quizzing Site on the Internet!



Scoreboard For:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quiz Name: do you really know tim?
Quiz Creator: tim

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Create A Quiz | Bookmark Scoreboard | Take This Quiz


Rank Name Score
1 Maya G 100
2 Stephanie 80
3 Lexie 70
4 Sarah the Awesomest! 60
5 ashton 50
6 monica 50
7 Lindsey 50
8 Jenne 40
9 Ashley 40
10 Tim # 1 20

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Date:2003-09-07 00:57
Subject:fuck not again
Security:Public
Mood: scared
Music:"wonderwall"-oasis

im scarred, i got in a fight with steph, and its totally one of the dumbest things ever, but i started doing something i havent done since jr. year, since thomas, and im scared, i dont know what im feeling anymore i just know im scared.

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Date:2003-09-03 02:38
Subject:DANI
Security:Public

attention all who read my blurty...

i am in love with danielle.(even if she is in austin now)


thank you for your attention, someday you will see the love too.

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Date:2003-08-31 23:29
Subject:home from florida, with alot to say
Security:Public
Mood: tired

ok so im home and everything is hunky dorey... going back in time to update fully...

************************thurs. 8/28/03***********************************

packing sure is fun. i woke up at like 9 and called kristina, she had just started packing, i said "ya know, our flight leaves at 10:30, right?" she said "yeh i know" so anyhow we got to the airport, checked our baggage, went through security, and got to our plane just as they called for our rows to board. whew. we made the 35 min flight to houston and then got off and had about 40 min to make our conecting flight to miami, so we decide to grab lunch, since we both skipped breakfast. we were standing at wendy's when we saw these two ladies eating mcdonalds, and it was decided we would find mcdonalds for lunch, turns out mcdonalds was only accesible if you wanted to go 45 min out of the way at the friggin airport, so we got wendys and ate it on the plane. which by the way, they were trying to gas us... anywho we got to miami, and we went to south beach.... omg it was soooooooo pretty the art deco district made me jiz, well not really, but it was still beautiful, then we went to key largo, the first of the florida keys, and got to our apartment, it was sooooooooo pretty. 20 ft. walk from the back door to the beach. did i mention our rental car was a 2003 silver convertable mustang, it was sweeeeeeeeet.


************************fri. 8/29/03***********************

wow, it is so great to lay out on a floating deck and sunbathe. i did that for about 2 hours and then some friends of my mom's son and his friend took us out on their boat. it was so great, they took us tubeing, not like texas river tubeing, they tied a rope to the tube, and the other end to the boat, and speed off. my ass and back are still bruised, i pretty much stayed in the rest of the day. then kristina and i watched south pacific, and drove around in the golf cart the apartments had given us to use, it was awesome.





well, ill finish my stories tomorrow


caio

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Date:2003-08-28 01:17
Subject:stay eighteen forever
Security:Public
Mood: jubilant
Music:"teenage dirtbag"- wheatus

im now an adult.... well, at least by law.

i did it, i never thought i would make it to 18, but here i am. just got home from my first club. it was amature strip night at the electric company, and i went with ashton and stephanie, what is more exciting is that i won $25. not from stripping you perv, i got the trivia question of the night right. woo hoo. i had a blast. earlier today, i went with steph to the megaplex, thats right for those of you who dont know, its the adult video megaplex, it was fun, and i bought penis shaped gummi lolipops. mmmmmmmm yummy. i also went to planet k, and bought merchandise there as well. im excited, i leave for florida in the morning with kristina, it should be lots and lots of fun. well, i need to go, seeing as i havent even cut the tags off of my new suit case, therefore i havent begun to pack, and i have to be at the airport in like 7 and a half hours... hooray packing. so i will post when i get home, or if i can find a computer while im in florida ill post before i get home... ill play it by ear.

goodnight kids

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Date:2003-08-27 00:47
Subject:how right is this?
Security:Public

rainbow
What Color Represents your Desires? And What Are your Desires?

brought to you by Quizilla

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Date:2003-08-23 03:07
Subject:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Security:Public

Blue Collar
You will be somewhat successful in life. You have
the ability to change your life around at any
moment.


Where will you be after high school?
brought to you by Quizilla

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Date:2003-08-20 02:28
Subject:i miss you allready, and you havent even left
Security:Public
Mood: lonely
Music:willy wonka assortment

admist all the chaos i have going on right now, i am being forced to say goodbye to some of my closest friends as they go off to college. i didnt realize how upseting this was going to be for me until i typed a letter to monica. and as i typed i couldnt stop crying and shaking. i dont think this girl realizes how much i love her. she is such an inspiration and light for me. i wish her the best in school, and i know what ever she tries at she will suceed. i love you mija, and i wonder, can i call you when i get hurt, and you can say sana sana... ? and then i realized holy shit... amanda and alexis leave tomorrow.... thus begins the balling... i did get to see amanda... and hopefully lexie will call b4 she leaves, so i can say bye. and easton is leaving... i totally need to hang out with that kid more... and thomas... and rachel.... and the oh so great one herself... janelle... and i didnt get to see chris diaz b4 he left... its just crazy.... although they arent going far im gonna miss them.... well, im gonna go to bed soon, maybe not sleep but definately bed.

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Date:2003-08-18 02:34
Subject:and so i do exist
Security:Public
Mood: depressed
Music:"somewhere in the middle" -diswalla

i know i havent posted in a long time. but steph said maybe if i get my feelings out on the blurty itll help me feel beter... so this is what i have to say.

im scared. im like a child lost in a crowded room. the one thing ive never liked doing is living in the present. i know that sounds kinda dumb but ive just always liked having everything planed out. and now, i have no idea what the hell i am going to do with my life... and it scares the shit out of me. my parents continue to ask... when are you going to move out... jesus christ i dont even turn 18 for another nine days, aparently i was supposed to move out the day after graduation or something. and now they arent going to help me pay for college, and they have picked the car im going to buy, but they arent helping me pay for it and it is far to expensive for me. im thinking im just going to have to say no, i will pick a car. i need a new job. baskin robbins is great, but i cant live off of 5.30 an hour if i only get 20-28 hours a week. i cant. and now apparently i need to come out to my parents... again. i guess they have just completely forgotten about the two hours of me balling which led to my comming out of the closet the first god damn time. im just going insane. my birthday party was alot of fun... but for some reason, in mid party mode, i just started feeling extremely depressed... for no reason, i mean trust me i was having a blast, but then its like a switch, im just suddenly unaproachable. so much crap just builds up inside me and now i just have times where i want to die... the feelings i havent felt all year... not since jr. year.... and then i think isnt ironic i was most suicidal when i was a pal... anyways... i just wanna curl up and never see anyone ever again. and i dont get it... i love life... i love my friends... i just dont feel like im loved sometimes... when i know i am. and its starting to scare me. like i lie awake at night and cry. i never ever felt as bad as i do when i am alone these days. it used to be when i started feeling down, i could go for a walk, or listen to music, or take a nap and afterwords it would all be ok. but now it just stays. and for some reason i think the only thing that will ever make me happy is a boyfriend. and this just makes me feel even worse... cause since ive never had one i assume it must be because im ugly... and then i hop on the scale... and then i just wanna go curl up in my little ball again. i just dont get it, i just dont get the concept of life, love, happiness, or anything anymore. maybe thats it... maybe i just need to sleep.... whenever im asleep everything is ok... so i should just sleep.... which makes life seem worse... since death is just eternal sleep, right? i dont know, i think im just to fucked up in the head to do anything usefull right now. sorry this post is so long, and steph... i dont feel any better just the same as when i think to myself.

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Date:2003-08-11 01:27
Subject:yes.... another one
Security:Public

Sweet and fruity, you drink to have fun and love every minute of it!
Congratulations!! You're a strawberry daquiri!!


What Drink Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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Date:2003-08-06 01:09
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: angry

i never should have posted tonight... now i just cant stop thinking about how much i want a bf....






damnit i hate this


arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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Date:2003-08-06 00:33
Subject:and finally tim posts
Security:Public
Mood: chipper
Music:"feel your balls"- Tom Green...thanks steph.

i know its been a while, bad me...

i guess i havent posted cause i really have nothing to say... im finally feeling ok... and im not so alone anymore, no that doesnt mean i have someone, but i have realized i have lots of great friends. ed is gone and i miss him. i am considering quiting my job... too much drama with the baskin robbins crew. im missing so many of you guys... i (almost) wish i was still in high school so it would seem more normal... its just so weird. still wanting a boy friend, but no longer all i think about. well, im gonna be 18 in like 19 days. thats kool... im learning to drive.. and im getting a car in september... exciting... well ill leave you now with a conversation between myself and stephanie sanchez.........

chubbybunnysatx: hey guess what im doing
oo0Dark Eyes0oo: hmm
oo0Dark Eyes0oo: updating your blurty?
chubbybunnysatx: indeed
oo0Dark Eyes0oo: feeling your balls?
oo0Dark Eyes0oo: wel no wait..that would be too personal
oo0Dark Eyes0oo: but that song is inspiring
chubbybunnysatx: only, so i dont get cancer
oo0Dark Eyes0oo: if i had balls, I would feel them

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Date:2003-07-30 01:30
Subject:soory another quiz...
Security:Public
Mood: awake
Music:mustard plug- "skank by numbers"

surprise
You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

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Date:2003-07-29 00:19
Subject:long time, no post
Security:Public
Mood: complacent
Music:"sorry sorry"- rooney

so its been a while. alot has happened but some of it cant be spoken of... so i must not say it here as well. but anywho...

i think stephanie is begining to hate me. i really really do. i dont realy know why... have i changed? i dont know. urgh...

well ill be 18 in less than a month now hooray!!!

i need a road trip.

im a shift leader at work now, basically i do more stuff and have keys... no raise... yet.

went to a fatback circus concert... they rock.

"i feel like im fading away... like the only part left of me is my flesh."... a new quote by me.

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