| God, sent me an angel? |
[08 Apr 2003|07:03am] |
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mood |
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Waking up listening to this song.
I guess .. I left the radio on when I had fell asleep. The song.. made me sad to think of someone I loved with all my heart, than other things going in my life right now. I feel.. like my whole world is crashing around me. I can't sleep well at night,(which why I would stay out late slaying -- then other stuff would happen. *making a mental note to self, to sleep more*) I can't breathe half a time. like.. my heart tightens in tiny little knots, and my head aches.. than I think I will.. pass out.
Why do I .. Let him do things to me? The naughty things.. I would never let myself do.. before? I.. feel so weak. I'm not supposed to be.. weak. I'm.. supposed to be strong. Brave. I'm.. the slayer for crying out loud.. But I'm weak. It's like I'm.. used to putting on a mask while I'm.. just simply crying on the inside. I pretend to be.. brave like around my friends .. Around the people I love, because that's what I'm.. supposed to do. Maybe.. just maybe that's why I.. Let him do things to me. maybe, he .. Sees it too. That I'm.. really weak. And.. not up to my true self?
on the other note I should get out there. I need.. well I have to find out what angelus is up to. I can't believe I'm.. going over to the mansion without any back up. I know.. that's really a smart move for me. ... I can't help to wonder who he wants me to meet. knowing angelus.. It's probably his dick. I bet .. he names it. Like, George or Peter. Don't most guys name it? I never understood why they would name it..
Oh God.. why did I .. even think that?! I need.. to get out there, and do my thing.. Umm no pun intended there. I meant as my slaying stuff -- Oh never mind.
Yours truly,
buffy
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[06 Apr 2003|02:58pm] |
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mood |
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Dear Diary,
After a while you start to think that slaying is boring. I guess people would think it's all exciting and thrilling but some days I would actually prefer doing homework instead of being out slaying. The world isn't ending every day. There are days.. well nights.. when I just walk around waiting for something to happen. A demon pops out of nowhere and I beat him. It's all fun but you get sick of it eventually. But it's a danger to do it.
Usually when you don't think anything will happen when it actually does. Suddenly you're staring death in the eye and let me tell you death isn't pretty. Okay, so I'm rambling. I was trying to sound philosophical but it's not my thing I guess. I really hope no one will ever read my diary. 'Cause a diary is the most personal thing and should never be read by anyone. Viola! Very philosophical....
Guess I should get out there, huh? Slay some vampires. Big fun. Buffy has big fun... Why does everything in my life suck? No pun intended.
Oh well, nightie night.
your trusty,
Buffy Anne Summers
*************
I sign my name and stare down at what I have written. Am I bright or what? I giggle and hide the diary under my mattress. Geez. Life sucks. I should buy a T-shirt that says that. Wear it while I'm slaying. On the back it could say,"And so do you." Would be a big hit with the vampires. I'm sure Angelus would love it. That prick! I'll probably meet him tonight. I don't expect it so he'll be there, showing his leather-clad-ass. That's the only good thing about my boyfriend loosing his soul. The leather. Yeah...
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