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LillY

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hmm... [24 Apr 2003|08:11pm]
[ mood | jealous ]
[ music | brand new ]

im not usually a jealos person.... btu fuck its not fair!!!!! alex always ends up using the guys who like her... while i get used by guys that dont liek me... i really suck liek that!... so im goig to stop drinking at parties.. i went to my friend marks house, his dad was out for the weekend, and i got completely trashed.... completely.. and high... and it was all good really fun..... all of it... i made out with a guy named chris... he's the bassist in marks band... and it wasnt liek aparty or anythign just liek 10 kids maybe... but idk.... after the get to gether thingy w/e u wanna call it... i just felt liek such trash.... i really did... idk y... but i feel like i came off as a slut... and im not... i mean i've hooked up with one kid! one! idk... i've just decided not to drink anymore... which is sad because i shouldnt have this issue yet... but idk.... i cant really put my thougts in order at the moment.. so i wouldnt be suprised if this makes no sense... but theres my sad little story...

x LillY x

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i never knew how amazing my family really is.... [22 Apr 2003|07:33pm]
[ mood | shocked ]
[ music | incubus: warning ]

... my friends mother is psycotic.... litterally... i mean she always told me how crazy she was... but i never knew it untill now... we were watching her little sister and alex said fuck!!! her mom flipps out and makes me go home... yelling at alex for child abuse.... CHILD ABUSE!? cuz she told her 8 year old sister to fuckin go away!>?.... w/e... thats insane... the day before she grounded alex for not geyttin gfull credit on returning a bra...!? wtf is that about?... her mother is crazy jealos of her.... insane... i cannot believe it.... i have never been so scared of anyoen my whole life... she is soo rude... and wants so much pitty.... i cant believe that peopl eare that selfish... child abuse!?.... thats not right.....

x. LillY .x

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.... [20 Apr 2003|02:24pm]
[ mood | disgusted, depressed, fake ]
[ music | the used ]

everything was just getting to be good again... I'm sure you all know the feeling.. after hurting for so long and then finally recoverin again... i got over my broken pieces... i started eating again... i even found myself pretty... i was completely okay with myself... infact i didnt even think abotu it.... and he only crossed my mind occaisonally... after 5 months of complete misery i was finally getting beter.... about 2 months ago i became happy again.... yes I was happy... with everything; myself, my friends, everything.... and then in the middle of a great conversation he just showed up.... his car pulled aound the curb and my life went straight to heaven for about an hour than strait back to hell... and i didnt even talk to him or anything...... i hate my clothes now, i hate my body, i hate everything i loved about myself before... and the worst part is i cared again... i've become so disgusted with myself i dont even know if i can stomach food for 3 or 4 days now... because i care again... i dont want to care again... but i cant look in mirrors without wanting to cut off my stomach..... i didnt even talk to him... and i wont be able to for 2 more months now... 2 long months of putting myself back together and then falling apart... but maybe this time i wont fal apart...all the stability i thought i had with myself is gone... I HATE EVERYTHING!!!.... happy easter....

lilly

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people are such selfish assholes [16 Apr 2003|10:31pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | finch - what it is to burn ]

trust is so overrated.... i odnt think i've ever trusted someone and havent been lied to... once they have you trust they take advantage of it... she swore... he promised... they swore... it isnt fuckin fair u knwo that?... u know what good... you can call me conceited because i have self confidence, and you can fuckin hit me becuase your afraid of me go right ahead cuz i wont hot you back ... i would never... you can say things that you know will hurt me.. but i wont say them back... cuz im better than that... im better than you... onlyyou though.. because you know only to well that if it was someone esle they would be lying dead accross the fucking floor saying those things... if another person ever fuckin hit me they would be sorry... very sorry.. but only you.... cuz your to fragile.. your to delicate... i have to respect you cuz your to perfect... well i ownt hit you no and i wont hurt you no... but as soon as i turn 18 i never have to see you again if i dont want to... your promises dont mean shit to me... they used to ... so dont even bother saying your sorry... you dont even care enough... you cant take it back... so i'l just fuckin shut you out.... i dont even care enough about you to hate you.... not even for my cuts and bruises... i dont even give fuck anymore... what doesnt kill you makes you stronger...

. . . LillY . . .

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summer [16 Apr 2003|01:02pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]
[ music | taking back sunday - your so last summer ]

She said
"don't, don't let it go to your head
Boys like you are a dime a dozen,
Boys like you are a dime a dozen"
She said
"you're a touch overrated,
you're a lush and I hate it
but these grass stains on my knees
they won't mean a thing"

And all I (all I)
Need to know (need to know)
Is that I'm somethin you'll be missin
(is that I'm somethin that you're missin)
(maybe I should hate for this)
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that far
(maybe I should hate for this)
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that...

I'd never lie to you
Unless I had to
I'll do what I got to
Unless I had to
I'll do what I go to, the truth
is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleedin on your shirt

And all I (all I)
Need to know (need to know)
Is that I'm somethin you'll be missin
(is that I'm somethin that you're missin)
(maybe I should hate for this)
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that far
(maybe I should hate for this)
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that...

Cuase I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This'll be last chance you get to drop my name
Cuase I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This'll be last chance you get to drop my name

If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar


*** looks like i'm a liar.. becuase you're bad news and these grass stains on my knee's they dont mean a thing
*** ***

. LiLLy .

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