Thursday, February 26th, 2004
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4:28 pm - Jumping Java-phats...Blurty can be so kludgey updating
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I love it when I enter my randomosity into my humble blog only to have it duplicated about 3 times. Yes, I do so enjoy trying to link to friends and not having it work. I could be a Blurty testimonial. I suppose the thing is it is free. Hotmail was free once too and it used to be my own little spamator3000 but it actually has gotten better where one of my yahoo accounts had 40 spam mails... what is up with that. You just cannot get all up in someone's grill how great one technology is over another because you know the kludge is coming. Programming is piecemeal and pick-up and therefore weird things are going to happen. Enough of my tech rant, as usually I like tech and its cool factor. You cannot bitch and moan about free for too long.
Anyhow, today was my day to buy out the Criterion Collection. Or so it seems, after my large purchase of DVDs. I like the Criterion vibe and selection. The only not so cool part is you really have to act fast because they Disney it by going out of print and then it is all big ticket on Ebay or Amazon or B&N. Ridiculous prices for a DVD but they pick some great films (perhaps a bit obscure for most movie goers) and restore them to their former glory. I wanted Jacques Tati's Playtime. The extortion starts in the $70's. OOCH! I wanted to get Alfred Hitchcock's Rebecca and again it gets big money fast. The Hitchcock stuff was out in Dec 2003 and it is already on Ebay because it is sold out. I have to check out disorganized Fry's again. The one in Santa Clara has the best selection. My Shallow Alto one is tweeky on a good day. Fry's really is a topic in and of itself but I will say something positive about it. They have loads of CDs and DVDs that are a lot less than the other stores and they are "Wal*Marted" by censoring them. I really wonder about the censorship thing. Even Janet's boob bugged the crap out of me. Stupid Justin "rips" her top and she is the baddie. Oh let's grow up! And it is a part of the human anatomy. Because she isn't covered up in the Christian form of a burka she is all bad. If you are female, chances are you have breasts. Get over it.
One more annoying thing in the media has to be the portrayal of San Francisco. I like living in the Bay Area. I am tired of the Christian Jihad telling everyone in the country what to do. They are the minority, just organized and have collected some serious cash to throw at their causes celebs. I am tired of less than 10% if the population of busy bodies telling everyone else how to run their lives. I can tell why Moveon.org is from here. We are tired of these small minded loonies taking over the assylum. How in Hell can you find the time to hate: women, minorites, gays/lesbians, the mentally disabled and children in the name of God? So tired of the smoke and mirrors of how things are getting better as people are assinated in far away lands. So tired of hearing how things are better but friends keep losing jobs. So tired of rhetoric and double speak the speaking isn't anything more than babble. Just tired.
current mood: discontent
current music: sound of keyboard in distance of one handed typist
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Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
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9:04 am - Awaking from the cocoon
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I am slowly catching up on phone calls, e-mails, and visits with friends after the 3 months of relatives staying with me. It is nice to feel caught up with them but you cannot maintain all the other important relationships as well. It is a bit like speed reading with the others: a quick but profound hello. I can remember being a kid and waiting for time to pass but as an adult it passes too quickly. I can still remember the big thrill of being 10 because it is two digits and now anything ending with zero is not exactly what I am waiting for.
Today it is pouring down rain. My dog is making this funny face begging not to be put out but you can tell he has to pee. The cat could care less about the rain except for when it is loud and then it annoys him. I am not looking forward to figuring out who will and who will not show up today for the house project. I give it 30:70 that the wine cellar dude will show up and do what he has promised to be finished with since December. Perhaps my lack of faith will spur him on. I am usually a person who has faith in other but each time that he is suppossed to show up he doesn't for some melodramatic reason. This, I am going to assume, will be no different than other times. The guys working on the driveway and garden I am thinking unless they are really hard up and like pneumonia they are not coming. Today is just awfully wet and our yard is wall to wall mud (which I could actually successfully translate into Spanish right now).
But the feeling of growing freedom is nice. I cannot exactly leave my house while the work crew is here (house arrest?) but I can if there isn't any work crew. Perhaps today is the day. I give it 30:70
current mood: amused
current music: raindrops and slushing
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Tuesday, February 24th, 2004
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10:23 am - The Bells Are Ringing
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I have become like Hunchback of Notre Dame avoiding the sound of bells in my home. I have been married 5 years and each year brings a new phone development. The worst was the Siemans experiment. Why EACH room in a townhouse (save the bathroom) needs a phone I will never understand. It is disturbing to hear so many ringing phones at once. The new house now also has an up-to-date system. It has caller ID that speaks to you, well, rather it calls out the users ID. The hard names it gets right but the easy names it massacres and it is humorous in and of itself. Another interesting feature is the interupts with the wireless network in the house where it just cuts out when you are in the middle of a sentense. You think no big deal unless someone is on-line, watching cricket (don't even get me started on that) or microwaving something. IT is not under the category of pleasant. Another great feature is call waiting that cannot be accessed because the local phone systme and the program aren't always simpatico with the phone. I am all for going simple. Less is more with phones. But the experiment is still in that love-hate phase. Today put me down for the hate side.
current mood: annoyed
current music: Waitresses: "I Know What Boys Want"
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Wednesday, February 18th, 2004
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11:34 pm - I statistically have almost zero chance of winning Nobel Prize
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So I am quietly enjoy my dinner. I have been strangely been craving Sue Hong's "orange peel beef" for about 3 months. Finally a chance to really have what you want (delayed gratification) when you want it. It wasn't all I had hoped for but it was still good. I think you end up with most of life in ideals versus realities but there you have it. Any way, back to my main realization, I cannot statistically win the Nobel Prize. This comes to me because I read my fortune cookie at the end of dinner stating that I will be the recipient of a pretigious award or prize. So of course only so many come to mind immediately. That would happen to include the Nobel Prize. Essentially I would have 2 categories to work within: Peace or Literature. I have not written a book nor have I done anything amazing for Peace. So what you are left with is all PhD. level and mostly math based. I am working on my phobic dislike of math but I am NO WHERE near a breakthrough. I could manage a breakdown but breakthrough.... not going to happen. THis really depressed me. I suddenly realized how limited the Nobel awards were actually. Sad... I never had big aspirations for one or anything but to realize you really don't have a chance anyway is totally depressing.
current mood: crushed
current music: Beta Band, "Squares"
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Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
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11:37 am - Random Acts of Kindness
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This morning I was feeling rather old and married lady-ish. It happens from time to time but it isn't fatal. It comes and goes ... and as the years pass I am sure it will happen more and more. But I decided not to give into my one person pity party and move forward with a smile. I was going to try to greet the world with kindness rather than crankiness. So this plan worked pretty well. I was able to help a friend and not be consumed with my own little head trip. I was patient with the husband unit when I didn't think I could be. I planned dinner and went out for the last minute shopping swoop for the necessary items. I picked up some flowers for my dinner guests and for smiling at the clerk in the bad mood line got them comped. You never know when a small kindness gesture will be rewarded.
current mood: happy
current music: Eve, "Who's That Girl?"
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Friday, February 13th, 2004
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4:24 pm - Attempts to update...
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It has been some time since I last put key to screen and did much with Blurty but I could say that about many things. I have been going, going, gone since November with a double home construction/remodel. I had a massive amount of time to get my house ready for 15 visitors...2 days. This has been the first "normal week" in some time. I have seen friends, left the house to do an errand just for myself, and made my first uninterupted phone call. It is sort of a cross between house arrest and having small children. It was a lot. The experience is good but comes at a cost and with a sort of zen attitude. You will not have everything as you like it. The construction continues after your move in. You can never be too grateful for a good sense of humor.
Well, perhaps more later as I have a chance to digest the experience and share the wisdom (most likely not) with others.
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Monday, December 8th, 2003
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6:40 pm - It has been a long time since my last confession
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Inevitably the crush would catch up... this is the first day in over 2 weeks I have had time alone. I must admit it is pretty glorious. Tonight I decide what not to pack prior to the packers coming and boxing up my house. This ought to get interesting. People keep asking me if I am excited and honestly I cannot answer yes. I am tired. I feel like building this house has been a marathon. It isn't over yet and the last miles are still yet ahead. I think maybe in March I might be excited. I won't have family visiting or planning activities for 15 to 25. I am looking forward to being in my own home and being quiet. It has been constant motion for a long time. It will feel nice to feel a bit settled. So perhaps my next confessional will be post holiday. TTFN
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Wednesday, November 19th, 2003
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10:17 am - What if and that free floating sense of anxiety...
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I am nearly ready for the long haul. My in-laws come to stay for about 3 months starting this Saturday. I like them actually but am running out of the necessary energy to be excited. I have been doing hard core family things since March and it seems as if none of these will relent until perhaps February of 2004. I am getting tired of familial obligations. I know it makes you sound like a bad person but everyone has limits and everyone wants a day off.
I would like to get out of planning for 15 peoples comfort and entertainment. It is a fantasy and pure escapism. Once they are all here it will be fine but it is a lot to ask for when you have been at it for what seems like forever. I have this fantasy about skipping and going to South America. I have the little itinerary in my head. I think about speaking Spanish 24/7 and I am okay with it. It isn't as stress inducing as before. (It is nice to have the option of speaking to a travelling companion in English). But if I did go, "on the lamb", I could probably get 3 other women happy to escape for awhile without a forwarding address. It would a Thelma and Louise thing without driving off a cliff. The cliff is sometimes your life. You cannot run away from your life but I think you can take a break.
Perhaps this also brought on my dad and brothers. They aren't bad people but they are tiring me. Since my mother died they all expect so much from me (being the last girl standing). It was definitely better when my mom was here because there were things I can now see we were sharing responsibility for. Women do so much in a family. I am so greatful for my aunt as she offers some deflection for my dad. My brothers are not looking for a mom substitute but the female of the family they tell things to. The man-woman dynamic is interesting. But this same dynamic can be an energy drain. It is sometimes feels forgotten that I lost my mother too. You can push back a bit but that is about it. You are still family and that is okay. You lean on each other to get through things.
When people ask me if I am excited about my house being done I really cannot honestly say yes. I still have much more to do for others than just enjoy it on my own. Perhaps in February the delayed gratification will all be worth it.
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Monday, November 17th, 2003
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8:07 pm - Cool Auntie or Lame Auntie? Time will tell...
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I have made my foray into gift buying for teenagers again. Last year was pretty decent as far as having a positve responce. It is really hard to buy for teens when you are no longer. I did well in the CD area on the whole. They ended up being more mainstream than me so some took awhile to stick. It is hard to buy for teens without seeming lame or pandering. Gift certificates have never really worked well for me. I like something more personal to open. And gift certificates don't work so well when the kids live abroad. That is a whole nother layer to tackle. What is going on in another continent. It is the shoppers dilemma on so many levels. But you muddle through and take a crack at it.
The hit last year was set of Lemony Snicket. You have to like over Harry Potter just because it isn't Harry Potter. I even like Harry Potter but it has no edge. The Snicket is edgier and dare I say, American. Which when you live abroad has its own novelty. A musical nephew I got the King of Cool cd set so he could get into jazz and hear music that wasn't neatly counted out. That was more a jury is still out but he liked it at least. My nieces are a little easier for me because they are girls and I can totally remember what I wanted at their ages. It isn't as hard. The nephews require a bit more stretch but it is usually worth it. I have done the cd thing. Now I need to forage for other nephew gifts. This part is always interesting.
Suggestions?
current mood: accomplished
current music: Verve Remixed2 -- Funky Lowlifes
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Sunday, November 16th, 2003
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11:46 pm - Hate the shop-at-home parties
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I think it is completely the girl thing to feel roped into one of those candle, cooking, crystal, make up, pleasure, purse, scrapbook parties. They are sooo bad in so many ways. You usually go to support a friend who was guilted in to doing the same thing. I suppose it is a rite of passage (they begin to get you in your 20's). They rival the boredom of a bridal or baby shower and the estrogen level is the same. You can only talk about deviled eggs and will you take their name or what will its name be for only so long. Thank goodness the parties don't always have games like the showers. I really delight in being a girl. It can be fun to wear more than pants and have punk and princess going on all at once. It is a good thing that way. Whenever I hear someone is a partier I think of the whole sheebang of party-sales and begin to crack up.
Of course folks who enjoy these little parties tend to mainline and go Amway enventually. They really believe they are going to make on million on pyramid soap. And as they would say to me, God bless.
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Saturday, November 15th, 2003
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12:44 am - Perplexing perfume
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Finally, after much experimentation I have 2 new perfumes. It takes forever and I HATE smelling like someone else's wife/girlfriend/sister/mistress/admin. I made the mistake of telling one person in a big corporation what perfume I was wearing. It was unusual and nice. Within 2 months it felt like all the women in the area converted to my latest find. It really pissed me off. I wore easy to find and place perfumes after until now. That job is gone and now I am free to find a new one. I also have a strategy. I have a standard answer of what I am wearing. It is also not the perfume I am wearing (evil grin). As Martha would say, "it's a good thing".
One of the select two has not been released in the US and the other is a recent release with practically no fanfare. I think I have a chance of not smelling like everyone else. I take as much care when I give perfume as when I get if for myself. I hope the recipients have been just as crafty. I might have to school them on my new found art of deflection. Until then, if you are wondering, I am wearing Gucci Rush. You cannot be too careful as perfume is next to naked and you change the way it smells as much as it changes the way you feel. Perfume is personal. Giving perfume can only really be done in a close, close relationship. I think is more personal than underwear and for some, religion.
current mood: triumphant
current music: jean buttons in the dryer spinning round
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Friday, November 14th, 2003
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1:26 am - Wide awake in non-frog pajamas
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I have hit the wall, the plateau, the place where inertia resides. The 2 house projects, my preoccupation with my dead mother's up-and-coming birthday, long term guests soon approaching and a spouse on sabbatical has finally put me into the place where seemingly nothing happens. I think I had a good run. I have been pretty functional and productive but I can feel it coming on. That old feeling of wanting to watch bad t.v. and eat in bed. It has been a long time since either. I was trying to recall the last time I read part of a book. I need to start re-investing in me again before the insufficient funds message turns up. I have made a small dent. I did have dinner with 2 different sets of girlfriends and that helps to recharge me. I am basically a "pack" person with some catlike loner tendencies. I do need space but I do get energized by the company of other people (providing they don't suck the emotional lifeforce out of you). You do have to deal with your occasional psychic vampire now and then and sometimes you are one of them. But I can tell, it is time to get my emotional accounts in order. You cannot pay with what you don't have. It is time to get emotionally well balanced. I have a long haul of numerous guests and holidays fast approaching. I suppose it is better to be aware than surprised. I am going to log off and read for awhile. Perhaps the novelty of the novel will once again seduce me to finish.
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Tuesday, November 11th, 2003
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12:30 am - Okay, what am I supposed to do with this?
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Sagittarius:
Many mythic traditions describe an underworld where souls reside after death and where those who are still alive can visit to gain desperately needed insights. The latter category fits you right now, Sagittarius. You're wandering in the shadowy nether regions, searching for clues that will be of use to you when you come back to deal with your problems here in the sunlit realm. I'm guessing that this exploration, as confounding as it may be, is actually pretty fun in an eerie sort of way. The really hard part will come once it's time for your return. You may be tempted to hang around down there too long. Don't. The treasure you find will be wasted unless you bring it back promptly.
I feel like Bergman, Igmar not Ingrid. The shadow world of water and depth has been manifesting itself physically. Now I get to do the transandental as well. Hoo Ya! This year has given me much to ponder. Looks like I should pull out the Kafka, Camus and Sartre for a little light reading again. I remember a saying that is actually quite helpful for these situations. When the student is willing the teacher appears. I will try to be ready for my sensi.
current mood: anxious
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Monday, November 10th, 2003
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11:47 pm - Actions are like sand
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I feel like I am getting nothing done but I have to focus on each action like a tiny piece of sand. Each action adds up to a beach eventually. I spent waaayy too much time having to babysit my nosy neighbor. I said I was in a hurry to get some stuff done (that means I have at least 30-40 minutes of free time). I got drug into helping him figure out a plan for remodeling. It wasn't hard because I don't have to live there.
More babysitting in returning lights to the lighting store. I spent over an hour trying to return things and another 15 minutes picking up an ordered light. Should it take so long? One must wonder. I did get to help the new guy read the instructions for how to do a return. I don't have the heart to be mean to someone new. They are a bit like Bambi without their mother.
In the process of changing lighting schemes I have learned that there are many dimmer switches for lights but only one brand that seemingly works for halogen lights. What a racket. You can spend $20 for a nice dimmer or start at $30 for a halogen dimmer. That is the secret to cold hard cash; be a niche player. You have a much better chance of making your millions there than the lottery. (Sorry California Lottery odds are 70 million to 1 (more or less))
I am getting tired of Home Despot. Tomorrow will be the tipping point of six--that is for this week. That is a two handed count now. I go with lists and measurements. I go open minded but prepared. I think this week may break the old records. Already a return and an exchange will lure me back for further fun. I will need a witness relocation program for myself or perhaps to be reprogrammed after this. I am beginning to know the aisles a little too well in not one but three locations. (It is a known fact that Home Despot will not carry enough of the item you search for. You will be required to travel to more than one to complete any given project).
My pets are severely weirded out by the new floor. The cat is curious to the new smell and texture. The dog treats it like an ice rink and he continuously slips and falls on all floors. It is not any slippery than the last floor but apparently there is a different motor skill set needed for the new flooring. It is amusing to watch a "drunken" pet try to make it from 'a' to 'b'.
Tomorrow brings fun of returing to various stores and of course, Home Despot. ; )
current mood: working
current music: 5:15 --San Francisco Day, Chris Isaac
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Saturday, November 8th, 2003
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1:34 pm - The pieces are falling together
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After the deconstruction of my house the building takes shape. I am in the final days of ripping out to add. It seems exciting to think I could use my tables and chairs for more than just storage. The floor is going down today and I could do a little happy dance on top of it. It means the beginning of the end for awhile and that feels quite nice. All the pieces are coming together and it is beginning to resemble an actual kitchen one could use. My camping out in my own home days are drawing to a close. Soon I will even have the dream of a contraption that washes dishes again after 2 years of waiting. I already have a non-wheezing and freezing refrigerator. Removing the older one and replacing it with one that doesn't make your frozen food go soft and your refrigerated food go icy is small but really quite exciting. The only really working item in the old kitchen was my sink. When that was taken away for remodeling it was quite emotional. All the other appliances had various issues but it was the one working thing. If anyone doubts the annoyance of not being able to use your kitchen; they should try to get by not using the oven, sink, dishwasher, fridge and cooktop and see where it goes. It might get interesting.
Today is gloomy and rainy but I have gotten over the initial shock of the grey gloom and have adjusted. I realize I am not meant to live in Seattle (although a beautiful city). Some places you know in your heart of hearts are only for visiting, even if you enjoy them.
My pets are still freaked out as the kitchen is a pet oasis. You get your meals there, scraps there, and the people can be found there. It isn't pleasant for them to deal with the chaos. In some ways, I think it has been harder for them than anyone else.
Tonight I am going to a restuarant opening. It will be nice to have a chance to get dressed up a bit. I haven't had an opportunity in some time. Silly what you look forward to at times.
current mood: cheerful
current music: "Just Got Lucky" on random internet radio
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Friday, November 7th, 2003
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10:20 am - Great Expectations
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Why is it as a species we get so sucked into our great expectations for outcomes?
current mood: cold
current music: Sound of the last of the hot water
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Wednesday, November 5th, 2003
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12:56 pm - Grey and gloomy
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When the weather is grey and gloomy I feel like I am in the former Soviet Union. It might not help to be listening to Bjork in the background. I have a whole Scandau Ballet in my car...everyone is very Northern: Icelandic, Norwegian, Fin or Dane. I was looking for ABBA substitutes for the modern day. This weather always gets to me.
But this got me to think about colors applied and how they make you feel. My new house is yellows, oranges, greens but my reconstructed old house is atomospheric beiges and creams with strong accents of steel or black. It is interesting how we create our own spaces differently.
I have been cold for 3 days now. It is time to pull out the warmer clothes or get the pets to sleep on my feet.
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3:03 am - Ghosts
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I have always been intrigued with ghosts. Today I found a Philippe Stark chair called "ghost" that I am wild about. It is lucite and interesting. It is a bergere chair with attitude. Lucite is an interesting property because you can just see it because of what it distorts and softly reflects. I am not sure other ghosts do the same but it is an interesting thought.
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Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
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7:54 pm - Boom Crash Opera
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I have been remiss in updating my life online. Busy like Shiva with the destruction of two homes and a USB that likes to crash on start up. I have a little construction haiku to add:
Two homes
ripped apart
serenity
quickly fleeting
I love Ebay for making you feel more normal than regular retail. I have purchased a designer jacket (my friend C would know of an summer in Spain when I was obsessed with Moschino) and some fabric and trim for various furniture in my soon to be other house. It is funny. I like the fact that this combination does not make me look bipolar on Ebay but freaks out the DMA. I get the weirdest catalogues from ordering home furnishing online. But I never get any accessory or fabric things. Nothing form the usual suspects like Calico Corner or a Framarama. It is really interesting. All the clothing stuff just arrives in my inbox. My furniture world is always in paper. It is an interesting phenomenon.
I have been busy enough to create a sort of news black out of sorts for about 2 weeks. If I haven't heard the news report in the car driving from A to B I did not know it happened. I have to say it gives you a weird world view and a sense of peace because you are blissfully unaware. Which brings me to my next thought about LA... well the thought of being blissfully unaware. I was talking to a friend in L.A. about the people that seem to gravitate to it. It is all pressboard with a pretty veneer. And I really love L.A. It is really amazing that place. I miss the pace and the massiveness of it all. But it got me to thinking about appearances V. reality. It is a good thing to think about. Often we only see one layer of things. We need to strip past the surface.
Tomorrow brings further negotiations on furniture detente. How much should chair cost?
current mood: indescribable
current music: The London Suede (2002)
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Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
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12:41 pm - Headache day III
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My head still hurts but everything else goes on ...
Lists of things to do: post office, drop of dry cleaning, laundry, returns to 3 different stores for house stuff and then additional selections to be made, arrange for delivery of refridgerator, pick up grout color... so dull but the list is really endless.
But on the plus side, I have started to receive Christmas gifts I found on-line. It means hiding and wrapping must begin. I feel a little bit like a general planning my 2 months of moves out. I am getting tired but perhaps I can put the sabbatical one to work on the list as well.
I am feeling confident about my bet on how long a friend's boss will stay in the office. I picked 3.5 hours as I don't see how she could go longer after doing 5 the day before. Plus, there is the potential for her doing a full 8 hour day this week so I think she will be forced to cut back so she can maintain her goal of the close to 20 hour work week. You might as well make a bad boss into a little wager. At least you get entertainment with your torment.
current mood: indescribable
current music: "Allegria"--Cirque du Soleil
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