Below are 20 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in chelc's Blurty:

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Friday, October 17th, 2003
2:43 pm	And what happens then........ I work my ass of in school, im failing 3 classes Im nice to 80% of every one, and i get treated like shit I want sumthin small and, its to out of every ones way i end up caring and, i get hurt (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
3:32 pm	My life ( the attempted longest entry of mine ever) My life.... I was born in springfield mn on march 26th 90' my dads jeff carlsons and my my moms ( now) cathie o'connor. I lived in mn for years in peace about 10 or 11 as i remeber. I was taughnted because i was a "carlson" tho and i was supposed to be perfect, and whne i started to bend the image i now rember thats when life started downhill. I was probally 9.. i hated people even tho they all thought we were friends. Their lives they just lived so...so....basic. i need every thing to be different and exciting and life was never like that there. They all wanted the same clothes same hair same life. I didnt the guild lines were way to strict. Anyways we'll just say i thought it was the most boreding place int he world. All tho i thought my family was doing good i guess i forgot to look past my dads drinking, dad leaving, moms new working, brother getting older, dad, never caring. Yea i looked past it, all of to be honest. I wanted to believe my family was fine, my life was fine, my heart was fine. But i guess way inside i knew it wasnt. Then when i was like 10 miranda started dating josh, which was good cuz i never had a sister and she started to form as one as days and days piled on. Then on april sumthingth my dad walked out. Yea that night we found out he was sleeping wiht my moms best friend for the 2 last years. Till that point id never wanted to die, but i never had so many thoughts to wake up, go into the kitchen, open the knife drawer, and making life better right there. But i guess didnt. My mom talked about going away...going to carolina. She talked about befor when her and my dad started talking about divorcing, about 2 weeks b 4 he walked out. I didnt want to in the back of my head but i knew in my heart i needed to leave that place i needed to get out. And when my dad walked out, i figure under the curcomstances there was nothing left to stay for. The little girl i thought he cared about so much and been runn over stepped on glued down and had a hard time getting back up. Anyways in that small town there were already people that knew about the affair befor we did, i guess thats expected, but till the day i left that town it was hell. Anyways so my dad files for divorce, i went to my first theripest to talk about " my feeling" lieing under my breath anbout the suicide thing thinking that going to a insain asilum was not what i needed right then.So my moms and dad are getting divorced, my moms trying to figure out a way to move, my dads trying to figure out a way for us to stay. AT that point in life i stopped, i cant remeber barely any of it and what i do is just uselessness that didnt get thrown out with the other stuff. But aftyer months of talking about my mom got a job and my dad let us move. Still, in the back of my mind, sat my friends my dad my home my family, and everything was leaving behind. But at 8 in the morning, ALL of every one was standing there biding to fare us all a fairwell, i got in a uhaul w/ my mom and trucked away, not seeing my father anywhere in sight. I got here, im here now. MY mom got a job at durham ss, it sucked and she knew it so she kept looking for another one. She also wanted ahouse and so did i, i wanted a house, i had been sharing a bedroom w. my mom for 6 months because the boys didnt wanna sleep in the same room. And it continued that way for another 18 months. I stayed there and at times i wondered how i did. While at githens i met tanya- she lived in my apt place. Ha, i met her and i honestly knew for the rest of my life she would know every detail. Sooner than later we bacame bff's remebering however that we had them "back home" where our hearts were. Then tanya moved and all hell broke loose.I met hannah this awesome chickm still kick ass to the day, we got all tight and shit, talk about life haha and well i liked alex haha ALEX meh what a stupid chick I WAS. anyways and hannah liked this dude named umm cody. yea anyways, then she didnt and i started talkin to him and batta bing batta boom, i thought i was in love, matter of fact i think im in love, ANYWAYS i hadnt really ever been around guys that much hence every one in my old town was like a fuckin cousin so when i met cody, i saw him, but iTALKD to him so i thought it made sence. Well then he moved. n the day after he moved i realized I loved him. period. I had decided that at that point he was what mattered. Meanwhile months ago miranda had moved down to nc, she settaled in an apt and became just at home. Its was good, we got REALLY close from then on. well back to the cody thing, he had this whole idea that miles mattered so we never really went out. anyways, so miranda is down here life is good, My mom got a different job, she worked at orange county ss now, and was lieking it alot alot better. I needed to leave one again. This how ghetto school shit didnt work for me. I didnt like githens no one really liked me for me and so this summer, we got a house in cary. So now i live in cary, likin this but i had to start school here. And of course for a couple days i hATED it. No one talked to me i stood alone and i just grr, But then i met my friends now and realized its great. Well pretty much to prestent day. last week, befor mike got his surgery he asked me out, and i said maybe. Now today he got back and i said yes. Im stupid tho, i mean a couple ppl had to point it out tobe but im thinkin he only wants to go with me cuz he cant have cody. I hope not tho, cuz i kinda like him. And cody, he came today. yea i want him really bad lol, i wanted to liek run up to him and gust *meow* nvm...but maybe ill se him while hes here ( that woukd be REALLY good) anyways i tryed but i kinda failed but i hope you all still love me, muah love chelc Current Mood: amused Current Music: green day! whoaooooa haha (Comment on this)
Friday, October 10th, 2003
11:13 pm	i love 2 hate 2 remeber. Mike wants me, i want cody( lol), but i wanna go out with mike. huh oh well chris is funny too.... lol damn thinkin i probally shouldnt have sent him those pictures.... ahhaa and umm i have no life. thats my nothing life tho just remember my mommy said i was a princess, yea, umm,karizza has issues....j/lk i have just as many. OH and i broke out on cody the other day and i felt mega bad( sry cody) and i wrote my dad a letter explaining how hes the cause of all my mental illnesses! ok well thats the highlights! love peace death much love chelc Current Mood: cranky Current Music: sweet dreams mm (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
6:36 pm	bum on bum quality converstaion here GirlDv32: hey i know you CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: guess wat i did GirlDv32: whats! CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: called the bell south people GirlDv32: HAHA! GirlDv32: yay! CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: lol CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: and guess wat else GirlDv32: hey i g2 show u sumthin funny GirlDv32: WHAT ELSE? CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: im cooking hamburger helper!!!!!!! CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: OMG CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: lol GirlDv32: haha CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: wat do u hav to show me GirlDv32: !!!! yaya!!!! GirlDv32: GirlDv32: betchya wanna know all bout my hot steamy shower last night Forced Severity: haha Forced Severity: sure GirlDv32: haha GirlDv32: Im easy, are you? Forced Severity: sure GirlDv32: haha GirlDv32: thats the best line ive heard in ever GirlDv32: sex GirlDv32: no sex? oh ok? Forced Severity: what? GirlDv32: sex Forced Severity: yes GirlDv32: showers Forced Severity: yes GirlDv32: pick-up trucks? Forced Severity: maybe GirlDv32: haha CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: lol GirlDv32: omg we had like hilarious convos yesterday night GirlDv32: and he was like freaking out GirlDv32: i was like oh well i mighta told you CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: u guys hav a nice relationship GirlDv32: and i was talkin bout sex with him, and then was like i g2g shower and hes started to freak out GirlDv32: hes like lets have sex in a shower i was like hey oK! CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: brb GirlDv32: i know our relationship is very stable GirlDv32: OKy GirlDv32: LOL Auto response from CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: makin some HAMBURGER HELPER!!! the hillbilly food (chelc) CrU3L iNtEnTiOn direct connection is closed. CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: okay GirlDv32: CHELC LOVES TANYA CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: im bak CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: yea u wish CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: lol CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: jk CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: TANYA LOVES CHELC GirlDv32: i wish what CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: nothing wrong im GirlDv32: i thought you were talking bout me and codys CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: nop GirlDv32: stable relationship which we have going on CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: yes yes GirlDv32: you know our relationship is better than any of yours and whore boys haha CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: yes i know CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: im so jealous GirlDv32: you should be GirlDv32: i would be GirlDv32: its like when we talk, its so deep CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: hahah yes CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: "lets fuck in the shower" CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: deep GirlDv32: oh its not better then OH LETS FUCK IN A BED! GirlDv32: at least our kids will liek to shower! CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: lol CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: yeaaaa GirlDv32: its true CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: i know GirlDv32: im deep CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: yea i can tell GirlDv32: at least codys like NORMAL CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: oh yea so normal CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: wait wat do u mean CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: lol GirlDv32: daniel like donesnt act like a ........... guy CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: haha GirlDv32: id get as much ass as i could if i was him GirlDv32: but being me i guess i would too ( just not you) euchy CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: actualy ud b surprised at how much more perverted iv made him but hes still beinde CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: lol CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: u kno u want me GirlDv32: OH GOD YES CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: yea u should "sleep over" sometime! GirlDv32: ICHHHHHHHHHHHHHh GirlDv32: y CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: lol GirlDv32: righhhhhhhht so yea CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: shit brb GirlDv32: actually i doubt daniels perverterd GirlDv32: ok ok CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: aiiight GirlDv32: ok CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: well hes not perverted but he talks about female parts now CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: lol CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: unlike b4 GirlDv32: oh god no! GirlDv32: not CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: lol CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: i know i know GirlDv32: FEMALE parts :-[ CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: yes its so embarssing CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: im ashamed CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: to even say it GirlDv32: i know GirlDv32: i would be too GirlDv32: but my person is so just, NOT LIKE THAT CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: lol well hes not exactly "ur" person GirlDv32: SHUT UP, if i rape him he could be CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: for 5 minutes GirlDv32: HAHA CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: lol GirlDv32: im gunna rape him GirlDv32: and will CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: shove a viagra down his throat GirlDv32: HAHAHA GirlDv32: YES! GirlDv32: not really, im afraid hes gunna rape me first to ickty icky CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: lol WOW! haha i gotta love tanya, and she has to love me! haha ok well yea funny funy 143 bum bum love chelc Current Mood: amused Current Music: chelcs boom boom mixz (Comment on this)
Monday, October 6th, 2003
8:10 pm	a convo with sammi bettychronoshupl: what about ur life GirlDv32: its long bettychronoshupl: well, email it to me bettychronoshupl: ive got nothin to do GirlDv32: well GirlDv32: lets just talk about it GirlDv32: cuz i like talking to you about things, its kinda of easing bettychronoshupl: ok GirlDv32: ok GirlDv32: well GirlDv32: 1)...im so worried all the time, its like i dont think that anything can just happen and not go wrong bettychronoshupl: hmmm... GirlDv32: 2) my dad, makes me sad, mad, tired, lonely happy cry'y, wrong, right, pissed, unloved... bettychronoshupl: hmmmmm... (again) GirlDv32: 3)i always feel like id be so much easier to just .....STOP..... dead in my tracks and sit down and forget about life. This can be represented so many different ways, i dont wanna get into it. bettychronoshupl: ok bettychronoshupl: well i cant help you with #2 GirlDv32: 4) i have friends, i love them all, they all care and i know that, but it seem like somtimes all anyone sees is chelc...happy, all tight and just smooth bettychronoshupl: i dont see u all happy GirlDv32: 5) Im happy, somtimes, my family makes me really happy, my friends make me smile, the sun makes me swint. bettychronoshupl: haha dont u mean squint? GirlDv32: 6) but most things just make me upsett and they dont help, they bring back memories like speed, and surrounds me so fast bettychronoshupl: oh damn GirlDv32: 7) love, its so hard to forget and easy to remember. Cody, to this day STILL makes me wanna cry bettychronoshupl: im sorry to end this really abruptly but i gotta go coz of some damn reason:my family GirlDv32: thats fine bettychronoshupl: but i mean, still email it to me GirlDv32: nice talking bubye hunny! GirlDv32: i will bettychronoshupl: really wanna help GirlDv32: i know:-) bettychronoshupl: o bye GirlDv32: 143 bubye bettychronoshupl: thats good u know bettychronoshupl: bye im complaining again, so let it be, no one has to read this and no one does read it so its really not that bigg of a deal. anyways, i love sammi, im glad she listens to me. well yea, its self explainitor bitching haha -love chelc Current Mood: depressed Current Music: wait and bleed- slipknot (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 27th, 2003
9:45 pm	so So things are better between me and tanya, alot better. We argued for a while but then realized that its nto worth loosing somthing over. Its much better now tho, im glad it happened. Alot of shit went down at school. Pretty much cody was gone all last week, they said she got to come home on friday but i dont know if that happened or not, i hope so tho, i feel pretty well...unfit w/ out her. I hope shes ok, i just blah, that chicks that shit and i really hope shes back soon the other cody didnt talk to me all last week, i forgot untill a coupl days ago haha, wow i cant believe i liked him! It was a waste of like 6 months to be honest, but i keep trying to work on this whole, i like u like a friend thing but i dont knw there must be sumthing wrong with me! ummm...tonys going out with jackie, which i think is gross cuz ummm she used to be my friend and um yea yuck! but OH WELL! thats nick kid keeps asking every one out, and hes like not-my-type...he trys to hang around us and when his old friends come by to say hello he blows them off...kinda mean i think but hell not MY bussiness. got my new scanner/printer/fax/ coppy'r....forgot to get ink...gotta do my science shit tomorrw haha, umm not a whole lot. I didnt get the solos i wanted but i guess its not a big deal, i mean i hope im as good a singer as people tell me i am but their proballyjust trying to make me feel good ( which u could use every once in a while) but hell thats about all thats been going on! OH AND Im STILLLLLLL SINGLE! haha no one at west is worth looking or talking too haha, guess ill have to wait to see the peple from east cuz i heard therres alot less umm...wanna bes there. ALRIGHT LOVE CHELC (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 16th, 2003
7:09 pm	all i can offically i have done every thing that i can at the moment, tanya hates me but i guess that had to come with it. I didnt feel like saitting and fighting w/ her so i just pointed out the 4 journal entries where all i do is bitch about her ini dont quite understand the last statment she made befor she left again. and just to be a bitch im gunna put the im up here so when i look back at this i can see why i hate the way she acts sumtimes CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: yo GirlDv32: hi CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: wats tha matter GirlDv32: ive had the worst last 25 hours of ever, i wanna give my shoutd out to all me dear dear friends that made a point to call me CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: ok CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: so ur mad at me GirlDv32: sure CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: so i guess u dont want to talk to me then GirlDv32: well if you think that after 2 years im just gunna give up on trying to work things out ur kinda dumb but do what ever you want CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: thats not what i thot but u seem mad at me so i thot u mayb didnt wanan talk to me till u calm down a lil GirlDv32: im calm GirlDv32: very GirlDv32: i just dont understand why if im your best friend, you havent called me in 2 weeks without me asking you to. CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: i dont even know ur # GirlDv32: http://www.blurty.com/users/chel_c/ GirlDv32: just read the last one CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: thats not an excuse but i dont realli hav a good 1 GirlDv32: yea, i have noticed GirlDv32: just the 1st and last pharagraph is relivent GirlDv32: 29th,24th......those to if you think it hasnt crossed my mind befor CrU3L iNtEnTiOn signed off at 7:03:19 PM. CrU3L iNtEnTiOn signed on at 7:06:16 PM. CrU3L iNtEnTiOn: thanks i needed that CrU3L iNtEnTiOn signed off at 7:06:27 PM. do i undertsnad what its all about? no...have i made my mark? i hope so....willl she blow me off? id hope not but if she did it wouldnt be to suprising. Ok so i wait. shes not gunna call hell you can see it with your own 2 fuckin eyes SHE DOESNT HAVE MY #! whos problems that? ive lived here for....4 5 months now, ive had my cell for 3 months. If you cant write down a numer and stick it somwhere and remember to use it every once in a while thats no ones fault but yourself. Shes right it wasnt an excuse, im not gunna feel bad for her, and shes gunna have to show me that she cares once in a while. Ill say it again, i love her, but that doesnt excuse her from every thing. hell she has two things to do now. Blow me off for good, or try to make an effort. Which she does proves who she is, becuz i have forgotten. there people. my thoughts. my bitching. my feelings. every thing. love always- chelsea marguerite carlson o'connor Current Mood: confused Current Music: pink floyd- the gravy trian (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 14th, 2003
3:18 pm	orange pop every one forgot me,im nothing but som kind of a faided memory in the back of their skulls. Its fine thought i mean whos to say they dont have the means to forget. not me apparently. Tanya, she talks about every one behind their backs say shit about them but never quite enough to not hang out with them an hour later, "shes this" and "hes not" and blah blah blah... who the hell says she doesnt talk about me, hell im easy to target. A while ago we were best friends, not overly involved in each others lives. We did things with other people, we could have a fine time with out each other but every one knew we were best friends. Supposedly we are now, but i dont know anymore. I mean since i moved 20 miles away its like so has the phone to her. Is must be out of reach all the time because she just never knows to use it. I havent been called by tanya in 3 weeks with out telling her to call me back or somthing. I havent seen tanya or daniel,the other half that never ever leaves, in a month. Sadly it no longer bothers me. I dont care that shes fucking around or that i dont close her mind and if i do it only phases me every once in a while. Tanya has her own life, daniels more important to her than her "best friend" and shed rather make an effort to hang out with the cheerleaders and pops at githens than me. Whatever be that as it may she needs to face me with it. I dont want to make this sound like a relationship and usually it does but its like, i give my effort but she never gives any of hers. Cary rocks, honestly anyone that lives in durham that i happen to still be friends with or talk to, i could care less. I hated durham, everything in the world that pisses me off could be found there( with the minor exeption of my father) The only thing that drives me crazy here or anywhere for that forgein matter is that no one ha a clue abotu who i am. All i ever get it are you a goth? are you a punk? are you a prep? are you balbalnal! im nothing no one understands that. Im air, im living death,( well not really) im sunshine, and im here. Thats it! there is nothing to it! I like questions....they lead to awnsers...which leads to uncomplicated conversation. I would like for one person in this world to understand who i am. All around. with no strings at all, not only understanding one thing but understand the 10 that follow it up. Yet at the same time, with all the attenition i want, with how much i want to be understood. I want to crawl up and hide under my blankets and lay, thinking, continplating,trying to understand. I want to hide away from anything that could ever hurt me, make sure that i have no means for mental scars or anyhthing its all so...missunderstood. theres two people. Two people that know that are very good. Sammi, whys she good. she listens she understands, if she needs to shel pretend to just to make you feel better. She needs to be invested in more you know? so meany people such as mysel take advantage of the fact that shes a good person. She needs to have her own labor day or sumthing haha! but very seriously she is one of the single most honest people and shes great. The other person...how to introduce her. Well she gave me another chance, a chance to understand that what i did was wrong and then she set me straight. hannah, damn, well we have so many memories, and i understand i fucked lot of shit up,but you gave me a chance to become a nicer person again. You were ALWAYS there. You understood, you called, you asked, you wanted to make everything better at the snap of a finger ( thats why ur a witch hhaha jk jk) but you were good, a mother fuckin fairy god mother if you ask me. And i never should have done the things i did to you. But now that i have and now that we've set somthings straight im glad. I love you both gurlies! i duno what i should do w/ out you. any how back onto a note thats more reconizable. People arent going to read this, and if they do they simply wont say anything. SAY SOMTHING! ok yell at me, tell me somthing i havnt heard, but w/ ever you do dont just read it and snare. Thats not helping any one. I wanna make things work, i wanna see if they get better, and if they dont i wanna let go of then peacfully. I love you....all of you....every last one of you. So remember that. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 3rd, 2003
2:55 pm	The wheel of time. My grampa died, yepp, hes gone, for ever.... makes ya wonder w.w.w? you kno? so i heard on thursday and i flew back saturday morning.my dad was kinda being an ass about the whole thing. I told him i didnt wanna stay with beyers and or him so i went away and slept at briannas. As usually i dyed my hair cuz i was there, its a bright orange...yea n e ways. The funeral was sad. I wanted to sing the battal hyme of the republic, but i couldnt they had sum bitch singing on and eagles wings ( she sang so bad we could have been like 99 % better!) anyhow, i cryed and cryd i was so sad. I miss him god if you would ahve known him how he used to be. well anyways i came back to nc on tuesday mornig at like 1 am and i idndt get to sleep till 2 so i idndt go to school. Um went to school today, sucked, felt like there was a hole in my heart, thats cuz there is tho. any ways im tireed, therefor im going to rest myself! love peace-chelc Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Buffalo soilder~ mr.marley (Comment on this)
Friday, August 29th, 2003
3:03 pm	im gunna bitch and complzin about life again! so my grampa died, i started to melt down. I have no simpathy from n e one. i called tanya yesterday for the 1st time in a week, im still mad at her but i had to talk to her bout it all be cuz she knows me like the palm of er hand.so yea, now im leaving for mn tomorrowe mor ning, i cpme back on....erk? maybe monday night!god so much has happen in 5 years. im in the mood to talk about it just not to type it. i gotta go pack for mn.... rip papa 3/28/03 love chelc Current Mood: mellow (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 27th, 2003
6:56 pm	Another pointless survey ( el boredo) LAST PERSON WHO.. . Slept in your bed: My fuckin cat im . saw you cry: My mom .Made you cry: My dad, isnt that always it? . Spent the night at your house: ah umm....no one, haha last time was in the apt. so NO ONE! . You shared a drink with: .....huh...my mom or tony? . You went to the movies with: My SELF! . You went to the mall with: Josh . Yelled at you: Josh . Sent you an e-mail: .?.?.?.? brianna? maybe? . Said they were going to kill you: Ah sum one said they wish i rot in the deapths of hell for not being christan does that count? ( oh that was today too:) ) HAVE YOU EVER.. . Said "I love you" and meant it? Once. . Gotten in a fight w/ your dog/cat/bird/fish,etc.? Hell yea i yell at the fuckin cats all the time and they yell back.... . Been to New York? Yea . Been to Florida? yea . California? No . Hawaii? No . Mexico? yea . China? No . Canada? yea . Danced naked? ApSoLuTlY . Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day? Yea... . Got a really bad feeling about something then it happened? yeah kinda . Wish you were the opposite sex? no....not that i can say . Had an imaginary friend? oh course and she says hey to all ya fuckers too . Red or blue? Red . Spring or fall? Spring . Santa or Rudolph? santa....rudolhp scares me . Math or English? English . What are you going to do after you finish this survey? Eat . What was the last food you ate? ? lean pocket maybe? . High school or college? College . Are you bored? a lil . How many buddies are on? ah.....18 but no one i wanna say n e thing too . Last movie you saw? ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW! hell yea ! . Last noise you heard? the tevay . Last time you went out of the state: earlier this summer DC,Nj,Ny,Mn,CANADA! . Things you like in a girl/guy: funny, good fingernails....???, umm nice, phat, and umm sum one that cares? . Do you have a crush on someone? i guess? . Do they know? maybe? i couldnt tell ya for show . What's his/her name? haha! no . What do you think of ouija boards? the voodoist in the family thinks its evil, therefor she wont allow it in the house! what a friggin weird ass! . What book are you reading now? haha heidi, havent started it but its for class . What's on your mouse pad? DELL! haha . Favourite magazine? maybe? thrasher? or umm...haha dunno . Worst feeling in the world? hurting yourself...in anyways shape or form . What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning? umm sleep . How many rings before you answer? a couple...bitchs can wait for me to get umlazyed enough to pick up.. . Future daughter's name? Zoey lol . Future son's name? depends.... . Chocolate or vanilla? SWIRL! ahh uhh ice creammmmmmmmm . Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? sumtimes . If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be? dont know....picture edditor at playgurl? j/l umm maybe sumthing to do with people, therapists? . Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous? righty . Do you type with your fingers on the right keys? nope . What's under your bed? eak? lets see? pappers, boxes, a t.v dvd play and cd player? hhaa . Favourite sport to watch? FoOtBaLl! . Hair Colour: blonde and brown! . Eye Colour: Changes every 6 hours dont worry about it . Height Currently: 5'4 . Glasses/contacts: neitha . Current Age: 13 but if you want the honest thruth 14 be cuz in china they say there ages a year older then in the us and since they eat babies and all i figure there gunna rul the wwrold eventually so we mind as well start to follow up with their shita . Siblings: Josh & tony and....kinda sort miranda! haha . Siblings Age: joshs 18 tonys 14 ( 15 in like 45 days) and miranda whos not really my sister is 20 ( 21is like 50 days!) . Location:Cary Nc . College Plans: uncw! haha 4 to 6 years i guess.....metnal health pychologist degree.... . Any Piercings: ears i tryed to perice my bb again but thats besides the pont aparently . Best Friends: . Boyfriend/Girlfriend: i wish.... . Current Crush: . Hobbies: nothin at the moment, umpacking lol . What Type Automobile Do You Drive: I can't drive yet . Are You Timely Or Always Late: in the middle . Do You Like Being Around People: not always STUFF . Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: Thats pretty much the boat im in.... . Have You Ever Cried Over Something Someone of The Opposite Sex Did: Yes . Do You Have A "Type" Of Person you always go after: No . Do You Have A Job: Nope . Want Someone You Don't Have Right Now: Yes . Ever Liked a close Guy/Girl Friend: mhmyea jake in mn haha . Are You Lonely Right Now: now that were talkin bout this i am! . Ever Afraid You'll Never Get Married: yea:( . Do You Want To Get Married: i guess . Do You Want Kids: *maybe FAVORITE . Room In house:my room :of music: emo,metal, old school metal, old school rock, old school ., umm....rock,maybe more . Song: ANYTHING by offspring! right now OH AND PINK FLOYD . Memory: happiness....... . Day Of The Week:saturday . Color: black, green . Perfume Or Cologne: fetish . Flower: lillies of the vally . Month: december, march? january? . Season: spring . Location for dates: IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU: . Cried: yes . Bought Something: lunch? . Gotten Sick: no . Sang: yes . Said I Love You: yea . Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them, But Didn't: yea . Met Someone New: yea . Moved On: NO . Talked To Someone: Yes . Had A Serious Talk: Yea . Missed Someone: Yes . Hugged Someone: yea . Kissed Someone: yea my mummzy . Fought With Your Parents: ah NO . Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: thannot last night.... . Had a lot of sleep: no . Wanted This Survey To Be Over: kinda Current Mood: annoyed (Comment on this)
2:56 pm	LoCkDoWn well ok so my mom she desided that my bussiness was every one elses, im kinda mad too. I mean My aunt, my grandma, her co workers! its bull shit and its pissing me off. I mean friggin it was like she was talking to my gma and she was like yes chelsea finally decided that she needs to find a nother thearapist, shes not been dealing with things very well. I WAS LIKE WTF! its not n e ones bussiness! holy fuckin shit, oh course im not dealing with things well! Ive been telling this to you for what ??? ,2001,2002,2003! hahah! thats fuckin unbelievibal! damn i mean it was always we;; when we get done moving.... haha so thats it folks im off to fuckin thearapy! my mother been " talking to some very good doctors" i was like fuck, i dont know if i need to go threw with this or not. But i think i do and htats not the point. any how lol, schoool been fuckin dandy! i got told i was gunna rot in hell again to day but sum chick, i hope not, specially cuz i dfont believe in hell..... ok well on that note i think im going to umm hell i dont know fuck around. -Chelc Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: EaGlEs~ oh my teeth hurt too!~ (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
3:02 pm	Different so yesterday after i left i ate dinner with the family and then went upstair to do home work ( while josh and tony sat there in my room which have become a fuckin entertianment room because the living room is staked ceiling hi with tipped over boxxes, and the tvs set up but it have so cable and we haven got a couch yet! lol) so yea then i got yelled at by my borther cuz my room was dirty even tho the bastard him self makes 99 % of the mess and then i did home work and then my mom told me she wanted to talk to me...so down i go and she was like basically ive been going threw your pockets in your jeans and i found stuff i dont want to and iw as liek what happens that to be adn she was like letter and thing poems about killing your self and other people. I was liek i cant explian them, and we had a long talk about how im mentaly ill and i need a shrink again. I guess its true. I have problems. I told her it really wasnt her stuff tho you kno its like i cant explain why i want to cut open my dad and take out all his organs. no more than i can explain mentally wanting to hurt myself. And as far as that goes heres the a to your q.... no i dont want to kill myself. I would but i know what consiquences are and im not willing to take them. I love life, im just in a slum with it. So im not exactly at my peek, but i mean i need time, maybe just more than some people. it WILL be ok, ive been convinced. It will be, but not right now and not yesterday and not tomorrow. Im not going to do anything rash, writting poetry was an outlit. I can right about blood and eyes and scare and freak and its not from my soul, its from my head! NO NO NO NO life is so hard to explian, specialy mine. it could be worst tho, so i should stop being a little baby about it! OkKoK! well im out! and i realized somthing too! alot of big words start with C! lol! ok n e ways! much love love chelc Current Mood: curious (Comment on this)
Monday, August 25th, 2003
7:10 pm	eyes brought a new morning.... so i woke up this morning and i got ready and i went to school and i was at school and i came home! USELESSNESS! thats al this shit is. oh good jesus!( on the topic i told a kid today that jesus was liek the santa clause, and then i got in trouble! it was pretty much bull shit. NE WAYS! umm not aots happening latly....still havent heard back form tthe other gene pool( that great loving father of mine) so im kinda pissed... i cant do anything about it tho so oh well! so umm nothin else i dont think. Josh is coming over...just to watch foot ball i think. OUCH i have a bug bit tho AHH OWW oh ok im ok...alright im done here. OH IM IN LOVE.... HAHAH DEEP DEEP LOVE! lol not really but the hell ever! ok im out, eatting dinner pretty soon.... going to live life... I love you all...remember that, I love you alot,dont for get that after im gone... With love Me ( chelc) Current Mood: uncomfortable Current Music: Pink Floyd the wall (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 24th, 2003
9:13 pm	im back ( i think i use this subject all the time....) Well i kno i havent been on oin forever but ive been kinda busy rapped up in my hecktic shedule of not dieing ...lets see. I made it threw 10 days of west cary....and im not totally lost. Im not hated..and i have a couple ppl that actually say hi to me in the hall by name, so i must not be that bad. But shitz happened and ive kinda fucked my self over in more ways then one. My mom found my liquor a couple days ago, i was so scared, she found my pills too, i was freakin out. I was like ballin all day i was so scared she was gunna send me back there. I was flippin scared. But once again had no one to confide in. Its like the person whos supposed to be my best friend was to fuckin busy with her boyfriend ONCE AGAIN to talk for any longer befor her "phone died" again. I tryed talking but its like talking to fuckin air. No use of it because all i got was stupid remarks about things that werent relivent. Then she invited me over for the weekend ( i think this was like tuesday) and i was liek sure, so the thursday night rolls aroung and after doing endless amounts of chores and dishs to be able to go over to durham and visit her, she desides that karizzas fuckin party is more important than a beat up friend. So i get blown off once again for another reason thats not relivent. And ive finally had enought of being somones bitch. Its not worth it, and Im not gunna sit around and wait for her to make small time for me! I just wont. So fuck it, i quit. I love her but i cant do this anymore. Any ways I talked to miranda last night. God i miss her, I love her i mean shes always asking about every thing but she always cares, and if she doesnt she tells me. Her and lee are doing good, i think their gunna get married soon, but she promised me that i get to be in the wedding still. God! i wish she was here. She one of the only people that actually know who i am! I mean she listens. Damn i wish she would come home! further more. Josh came over tonight with lee ( their still here) HE started college last tuesday. I think hes excited,b ut i know he doesnt really enjoy it. I hope her follows threw with this....and lee, she said her last year of hs is going good, im glad, shes cool. Josh said hes giving us his cc to go shopping saturday. lol, i think he got payed yesterday, and then this wed, and then saturaday, LOL numerious amounts of income lol....and as for the dreaded minn situation. I emailed my father today. He still puts me to tears. No one understands tho, if you knew one of your parents didnt like you how would you feel? well i think it sucks. His whore moved in, started her daycare there, and well furthmore once again im out of a house hold. Ive been 360 replaced. I love to hate it. I miss my dad, i miss what used to be there, i really do. No one eber wants to listen. I MISS HIM. I loved my dad, then he had to go and ruin my life, or start it i cant decide which i would rather phrase it as. I cant get over it, i hate the fact ive been replaced by my moms old best friend and her things....i cant stand it. Yet i cant have enought.....hate in my heat to realize i should drop it all. I have to go, rearange my life and what not..... with much hate hate chelc Current Mood: disappointed Current Music: every things not ok (Comment on this)
9:13 pm	im back ( i think i use this subject all the time....) Well i kno i havent been on oin forever but ive been kinda busy rapped up in my hecktic shedule of not dieing ...lets see. I made it threw 10 days of west cary....and im not totally lost. Im not hated..and i have a couple ppl that actually say hi to me in the hall by name, so i must not be that bad. But shitz happened and ive kinda fucked my self over in more ways then one. My mom found my liquor a couple days ago, i was so scared, she found my pills too, i was freakin out. I was like ballin all day i was so scared she was gunna send me back there. I was flippin scared. But once again had no one to confide in. Its like the person whos supposed to be my best friend was to fuckin busy with her boyfriend ONCE AGAIN to talk for any longer befor her "phone died" again. I tryed talking but its like talking to fuckin air. No use of it because all i got was stupid remarks about things that werent relivent. Then she invited me over for the weekend ( i think this was like tuesday) and i was liek sure, so the thursday night rolls aroung and after doing endless amounts of chores and dishs to be able to go over to durham and visit her, she desides that karizzas fuckin party is more important than a beat up friend. So i get blown off once again for another reason thats not relivent. And ive finally had enought of being somones bitch. Its not worth it, and Im not gunna sit around and wait for her to make small time for me! I just wont. So fuck it, i quit. I love her but i cant do this anymore. Any ways I talked to miranda last night. God i miss her, I love her i mean shes always asking about every thing but she always cares, and if she doesnt she tells me. Her and lee are doing good, i think their gunna get married soon, but she promised me that i get to be in the wedding still. God! i wish she was here. She one of the only people that actually know who i am! I mean she listens. Damn i wish she would come home! further more. Josh came over tonight with lee ( their still here) HE started college last tuesday. I think hes excited,b ut i know he doesnt really enjoy it. I hope her follows threw with this....and lee, she said her last year of hs is going good, im glad, shes cool. Josh said hes giving us his cc to go shopping saturday. lol, i think he got payed yesterday, and then this wed, and then saturaday, LOL numerious amounts of income lol....and as for the dreaded minn situation. I emailed my father today. He still puts me to tears. No one understands tho, if you knew one of your parents didnt like you how would you feel? well i think it sucks. His whore moved in, started her daycare there, and well furthmore once again im out of a house hold. Ive been 360 replaced. I love to hate it. I miss my dad, i miss what used to be there, i really do. No one eber wants to listen. I MISS HIM. I loved my dad, then he had to go and ruin my life, or start it i cant decide which i would rather phrase it as. I cant get over it, i hate the fact ive been replaced by my moms old best friend and her things....i cant stand it. Yet i cant have enought.....hate in my heat to realize i should drop it all. I have to go, rearange my life and what not..... with much hate hate chelc Current Mood: disappointed Current Music: every things not ok (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 13th, 2003
3:48 pm	back yet again Alright im back once again. Lol im fuckin bored! umm lets see i started school, and that adveously sux, umm i dont really know anyone....it really suckz! um what else oh my teachers suck ass be cuz i have like a shit load of home work already! not alot is happening tho umm...i figured out that guys with big musalzz have small deackz, hhaha and yea....OMG the osbourns was all a frame!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im sooOOOOOO SOSOOSOS MAD! umm not alot of hot guys at my school, actually like none, but alot of skaters that make myself wanna shoot me! lol umm and every ones kinda pmsy at my scoo. Oh im in class with denny! what a great suprise lol tanyas pleased, n e ways not alot is happening. im gunna go tho cuz im tired and i have to figure shit out about ann frank. DRUM ROLLLLLL sry that had nothing to do with any thing!alright im out i hate you all xoxo Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Soad! (Comment on this)
Friday, August 8th, 2003
6:42 pm	..--..--..--..--..--..--..--..--..--..--.. Ok, Ill say it, Im scared, Im worried, Im not excited, Im fuckin freaked out. I dont wanna go to school, I am worried about what people think of me. So the fuk what, you know. Odviously i dont wanna fuckin have ppl hate me. w/e, oh well. Umm today i did shit, i slept on the hamick wit zelda taday, for like 3 fucki hours. And i finaly got my pc yesterday ( but umm yea we're going to get a desk for it tonight) lol its so much smaller then our old one tho! The screens only lik 16 inchs!!!!!!!! oyur old one was like 19 lol or sum thin like that....n e ways i told like an hour long bath cuz i was bored.haha. and ummmmm i didnt really do alot, oh and last night i got my cell taken away cuz i went over my mins and i got billed for this whole text shit, and now im pissed cuz i dont get it back till the 1st! sux ass but oh well i desuved it. umm not alot else, oh my dad called, he left me a message on my fone....yea...i wasnt there to get it he called at like 11 this morning, he said hes gunna call back this weekend, I think either hes got a date for his wedding or my grandpa died...huh, i dont think i wanna know either way. God every thing has been so stress full lately, i dont wana think about him cuz its so bad. anyways no one cars, no one shoud, n e ways its probally better that way. I g2g hate you all. xoxox Current Mood: aggravated (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 7th, 2003
9:40 pm	im. Im kinda tired so im not gunna write alot, n e ways tanya got home, Ive been visitin her every day lol, ummm not alot has been happening, umm i really wish i had a bf!!! Oh and i visited my school, kinda crazzzzzzzzzzy, all disconbobulated and shit, literaly. N e ways kids look kinda special, scoo starts in 4 days! AHAH im crying! lol...n e ways im out. Oh btw i need a bf, cuz i do. Muah i hate you all xoxo (Comment on this)
Monday, August 4th, 2003
4:26 pm	i stole this from sum one's thingy 1. Do you own any plaid clothing? I had some plaid pants but there all small now 2. Do you own Converse shoes? nope, there kinda over rated but still kinda coo 3. Do you own Sauchony shoes? r u kidding me? hell no 4. Do you own old school Nikes? No 5. Do you wear tight pants? ....yea?... 6. Is there more than one zipper in your pants? sum times theres one on each side. 7. Do you know what a squatter flap is? a shit flap! 8. Do you own a messenger bag? yepp, just got it for scoo 9. Do you wear your messenger bag across your chest? yea but it hurts like hell!! 10. Do you own braces? braces?? umm theres sum on my teeth 11. Are braces worn anywhere besides the mouth? thats a dumbass question and no i have no clue... 12. Do you have short, shaggy hair? a lil 13. Does your hairstyle exceed a height of 3 inches? no. 14. Would you classify your hair as a deadly weapon? no.....damn these questions are getting dumb 15. Do you think Mohawks are "neat"? no i think there drop dead sexxxxxxy! haha 16. Is your hair black or red? i have black and red in my hair, how did you know? 17. Do you have a favorite brand of hair dye? Yea, umm i dont kno the name but it comes in a cool bottle! 18. Do you own a bandana? i think so... 19. Do you wear plugs in your ears? nope....they look like they hurt 20. Are you amused by safety pins? yEA they do great things for me 21. Have you ever used duct tape as a sewing substitute? I think duct tape is the greatest thing 22. Do you own one or more objects with studs or spikes in them? yea 23. Do you own one or more articles of clothing from Dogpile, Lip Service, or Tiger of London? yea lip service kicks! 24. Do you enjoy leopard print? ah...only when its furry lol --Habits/Beliefs -- 25. Are you disgruntled (having a general hate for everything)? pretty much 26. Are you an anarchist? I would say i am but then id get bitched at so ah ill just say i think like one. 27. Does the American flag anger you? sometimes 28. Are you "working class"? no i go to scoo 29. Do you dislike "preps"? Im not supposed to but when there prissy and shit they piss me off 30. Do you dislike Hot Topic? no i shop there all the time 31. Do you smoke cigarettes? yea 32. Do you smoke cloves? nope 33. Are you a thin waif? haha what 34. Are you vegan/vegetarian? no i tryed but oh well 35. Do you think meat is murder? only veal! 36. Do your nighttime activities usually involve drunken underage vomiting? No vomiting, but drinking sometimes 37. Have you ever slept in an alley or park? yea i slept in the park with my friends once but no cuz i had to. 38. Do you wash your hair less than once a week? umm no, i lie my hair silky smooth 39. Have you ever gone a week without a shower? no 40. Have you ever been avoided due to your odor? I hope not but i dont think so 41. Do you know who Jack Kerouac is? no 42. Do you like Mr. Kerouac? umm? 43. Should Mumia Abu-Jamal be freed from prison? no clue 44. Are you a member of the Make out Club? no :( 45. Do you say "rad"? yea 46. Do you say "rockin'"? just did 47. Do you say punk "rawk"? NO 48. Do you shout the word "oi"? haha yes! 49. Do you say "punk's not dead"? no 50. Do you say "punk is dead"? no --Music-- 51. Do you like bands with "."? wa? 52. Do you like bands with "theory"? still no clue 53. Do you like bands with "the"? wtf 54. Do you ever precede your own name with "the" at the beginning? haha once in a while 55. Do you like bands with the F word in their name or album title? sum times 56. Do you think "Christian punk" is an oxymoron? Yea i do 57. Are Blink 182 fans "posers"? why worry about it? 58. Do you have frequent debates over what exactly constitutes a sellout? no i dont care either, if their musics good who the hell cares 59. Have you ever brought the headlining band food? no 60. Do you have show flyers affixed to your walls? no --Body-- 1. What do you most like about your body? my eyes? or tounge lol 2. And least? my thighs 3. How many fillings do you have? like 3 i think! 4. Do you think you're good looking? no 5. Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking? once n a while 6. Do you look like any celebrities? nope --Fashion-- 1. Do you wear a watch? yea i just got it tho, its a watch braclet! hah 2. How many coats and jackets do you own? a couple 3. Favorite pants/skirt color? um no blue, my blue pj pants 4. Most expensive item of clothing? hoodies lol or jeans 5. What kind of shoes do you wear? mudd 6. Describe your style in one word: fucked up --Your Friends-- 1. Do your friends 'know' you? If there my friend they know stories 2. What do they tend to be like? different, no like most ppl 3. Are there traits in you that are universally liked? i dunno 4. How many people do you tell everything to? Alot of people! --Music/TV/Film/Books-- 1. Favorite band ever: No clue 2. Most listened to bands: OFFSPRING!!!! 3. Do you find any musicians good-looking? yea 4. can you play an instrument? No 5. Type of music most listened to? rock... 6. Type never listened to? country 7. Favorite book? no clue --Underwear-- 1. Ladies, do you like to wear thongs? yea sure 4. What is the nicest color for underwear? black or red 5. Do you find it uncomfortable without a bra? I dunno sum times 6. Do you make it a habit of showing people your underwear? Depends on the person lol -Sex-- 1. Have you ever had sex? no....still a virgin 2. How many times? NONNNNE 3. How many partners? wow none 4. Have you ever given/received oral sex? NO --Homosexuality-- 1. What is the first thing you think when you see gay/lesbian couples? I dont really think about it, i see people 2. Do you detest homosexuality? no ppl can do what they want 3. Do you agree or disagree with gay or lesbian couples raising children? they sould be able too....personal opinion --General Questions-- 1. Who do you believe is the smartest man alive at the moment? TONY lol 2. What do you prefer, a sunny or rainy day? Sunny day, but a warm night is better 3. Do you consider yourself lucky? no not really. 5. Choose one word to describe how you feel most often: PISSED OFF AND BITCHY! (Comment on this)