| Yahoo. |
[06 Jul 2008|11:37pm] |
Life hasn't been that bad :)
I've been recruited into an all girls' band as a keyboardist heh.
Managed to sleep for the past few days, like finally!
Finally bought chopin's music book with the full collection of nocturnes, waltzes and preludes :))
Pissed off two bitches by flirting with their 'supposedly' girlfriend, fun shit ;)
Tokyo trip is coming up real soon!
Many happy thoughts...
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| Huishi abnormal and weird. |
[03 Jul 2008|07:38pm] |
Another sleepless night. Hm i guess everyone is surprised by my prompt messages early in the morning :)I think if i keep doing this to myself, i will die really young. I am actually damn amazed by how far i can go without sleep.
Marc's leaving for UK today so i will be staying home quite a bit. I seriously plan to have an early night on a friday, a great way to save money for my tokyo trip too :)
Oh about the tokyo trip, i just told my parents about it. My mum is so anal about money it totally irks me. And i can't believe she asked me why can't i find a job and be a normal person. NORMAL. Seriously how do you define normal, people who are stuck in jobs they hate just to earn enough keep to pay for mortgages, car blah blah. I don't expect to live off my parents, i totally value financial freedom and i totally detest asking my parents for money. But come on, i really need to find time to find something that i really like to do.
I don't want to be stuck in a rut, like how 90% of singaporeans do. Let me define NORMAL, it's for the unimaginative people who do not realize their true potential and settle for the mediocre. I'm not saying i'm great, but honestly, i am confident i can find a job easily. But do i want to waste my time doing something i don't like or isn't best for me in the long run? A six-month break is nothing and my mum just doesn't understand. At least my dad is cooler.
Anyway, my parents are only paying for my air tickets and i offered to pay for the summersonic tickets, accomodation and everything else from my MSF earnings. Honestly, i can't wait to get out of singapore.
I was considering getting a scholarship to do graduate studies in the states but because of marc, this plan was shelved. However, the mundane singaporean lifestyle and narrow-minded people are swaying me to materialize the plan of living overseas.
I just can't accept mediocrity and i am definitely not NORMAL.
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| Morning rant. |
[02 Jul 2008|05:50am] |
I've been gone a long while :)
Updates in my life.
First, i've put on weight, 2 kgs.
Second, i've stopped smoking for two days and on the third i picked up only five fags.
Third, i've been busy thinking of ways to fund my tokyo trip in august and europe trip in september. (Also implies to thinking of conniving ways to convince my parents to finance the trips heh)
Fourth, busy with msf and hoping this next post will do well even without my partners.
Fifth, staying up till 6-7am and waking up when the sun is going down.
Sixth, worried bout a friend whose lungs collapsed and is hospitalized. Hope i can wake up early to go to the hospital tomorrow.
Seventh, quite happy that marc and wit are leaving for singapore on friday, the former to uk and the latter to bkk. Finally no boys to bug me :)
Eighth, pleasantly surprised with the extra 100 bucks that appeared in my account. Apparently it's from the government for some gst rebate shit, if i'm not wrong.
Ninth, seriously wants to start a healthy lifestyle regime, which includes exercising at least 5 times a wee.
Tenth, i have really smelly durian breath because that is all i have been eating for the past few days consistently without fail. Thanks to my parents who brought back durians from their malacca roadtrip. Damn.
It's six and i'm still not tired...
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| Oh my... |
[25 Jun 2008|01:37am] |
I'm super duper full from supper with choy and geri. Nice to see rich being the same old balding lameass :)
Anyway to ease my digestion, i am now looking at blogs of 'pretty' girls. Found out that so many of them look freaking similar, the same old big eyes with falsies and 'not so real' looking noses :)
-http://princess-michie.blogspot.com/-
-http://roaring-queen.blogspot.com/-
It just seems like so many young girls are following the route dawn yang is taking and i find it freaking hilarious. Their 'beautiful' self-portraits and 'super kawaii' faces just amuse me :) All the big deal about taking photos at carshows, phoneshows, whatever-shows-i-can-wear-my-mini-skirt-and-look-chio. Funny how i've come across so many girls into stuff like that...even the very pretty ones i know.
A friend's girlfriend is super hot and she's some maxim cover girl. I mean wth, i saw her maxim poster plastered at a bus interchange. Come on, showing the world your assets when you already know you have it. I believe there should be a limit to it. Seriously, i don't diss models but unless you can be those international runway models category, i suggest you stop flaunting your assets to the world for just that mere sum of money. If i was a guy i wouldn't want to be with a girl who's half naked photos are in every man's bedroom. How exclusive.
Interestingly, so many girls glorify that lifestyle. Posing seductively in front of the cameras and plastering their provocative photos all over facebook and their blogs. Hm. I don't understand that shit. It is like their dream is to be FHM's girl next door, clinch a maxim cover page contract or to go for plastic surgery so they can be as pretty as dawn yang and be a struggling local celebrity.
I really hope that there are some sense left in the young girls today. Maybe they should spend less time on their makeup, shopping and wearing skimpy clothes to events to make a non-sustainable amount of salary and start working their brains to a long-term goal.
Sometimes i'm just glad that i look different with my small eyes, flat nose and fat thighs. I'm not exactly happy, i admit haha, but i have something else to fall back on even if i'm ugly.
It just sucks to go to the magazine stand and all i see is scantily clad women glorifying the need for sexual attention from men. Very very sad.
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| A ghost. |
[23 Jun 2008|02:15am] |
I realize people come and go. Only when you have something to offer, they come to you. When the person has sucked you dry, they leave.
I will stop trusting people.
Anyway, i think today's a great sunday. Lazing at home, not answering any calls, and just disappearing from the face of earth.
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| A sorta fairytale. |
[17 Jun 2008|09:17pm] |
Today is such an emotional day for me. Did not sleep the entire night cause i felt terrible about myself. I just did not like the person i was turning into and it just felt as if the demons were taking over me. I puked four times last night because of the emotional binges. Fucked up yeah.
Went to the gym at eight in the morning and i just kept running, hoping i can run away from my issues. And i really feel much better. Some consolation for those we still read my humble journal. I'm ok.
So i was just trying to keep myself busy, started packing my room and clearing my drawers. It just seemed as if i was walking down memory lane when i started reading my old diaries and this journal paul gave me on my 16th birthday. Then, i just couldn't hold those tears any longer. There was just an unexplainable sense of fear, saddness and comfort. I've changed so much.
Reading the journal paul wrote in, just made me realize that the world i live in now is full of darkness. True love has ceased to exist. Everyone is now plain superficial and relationships have lost that touch of innocence and genuine romance. I am now going through a bad patch with men and reading the journal only made the pain worse. On the other hand, i am glad that i did experience plain simple love at least once in my life.
I don't think there will be anyone who will ever love me that way. Everything now is all about what she has to offer and all the materialistic demands.
When i was younger i was so much happier and the simple things were appreciated. I remember i wrote something being really happy spending time with the family. The usual sunday basketball and badminton games in my garden were the highlight of the week. Then i started reminiscing the weekends when i will sleep over in my parents' bedroom with my brother. Those were the best times when my dad will cock up some funny bedtime stories and i will end up sleeping like a baby. Oh and i remember how i love it when my dad carries me up to my bed when i fall asleep in front of tv in the living room. Sometimes i will intentionally sleep in front of the tv or pretend to be asleep so my dad will carry me up to my bed and tuck me in. And we will have our usual hike on saturdays and i remember exploring the little jungle behind my house with my dad, brother and our doggie sonic. There were those really beautiful yellow wild flowers that i will pick up and surprise my mum.
There are so much more lovely memories...
And now i have to face world where beautiful moments are extinct. But i am still not giving up on my fairytale...i'm stubborn and i think i will never grow.
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| Where's my red balloon |
[17 Jun 2008|04:31am] |
I'm so confused. I reached a point of my life where i don't know what i want anymore. Nothing makes me happy and i don't know what will make me feel satisfied.
Life is full of ironies and contradictions. Once i get it, i don't want it. Things i can't have, i want it even more.
Anyway i watched kite runner with wit(thai boy) over at his place...and i still love it even though i watched it so many times.
"For a thousand times over". I wish someone will say that to it.
No matter how i wish for that to happen, it will never, because life is complicated.
On a random note, i will rather be hassan than amir jan in the kite runner. I think it is a greater joy to forgive easily and never holding grudges. In the end, even with hassan's tumultuous life, i think he was truer to himself and definitely way happier that amir jan.
Oh i also watched a really old french short film The red balloon. I was just at Giant browsing through the titles of all the old films and i came across this. It won an oscar for best original screenplay and directed by the famous french guy Albert Lamorisse. I TOTALLY LOVE IT. So poetic and it is the type of film that i will watch over and over again when i am feeling depressed. The film has so many different dimensions but put in the simpliest manner. Every scene has a deep and covert meaning behind it and i find it very artistic. Plus, it was shot in paris in the fifties with the backdrop of the beautiful streets. I recommend it to everyone.
It's late. Night peeps.
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| blabber |
[16 Jun 2008|04:06am] |
I invested over two hundred bucks on estee lauder skincare products :)
The first time i bought their product was at DFS on my way to bangkok. I tried their night cream and damn, my skin feels soft! Ask shakun she's a huge ambassador of estee lauder heh.
So anyway we went for the estee lauder event last saturday and i splurged on more. It has gotta be the happiest moment in the entire week haha. The best investment i've made whee.
So life has kinda been the same, msfing all week long...just sent out twenty packages (i walked to the post office outside my house)! Tiring shit. Usual zouk on friday, got too intoxicated again. Geri is finally back! And wit is coming back later today :)
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| Chopin, my love. |
[11 Jun 2008|03:23am] |
If i can go back in time, i will love to met Frederic Chopin.
Chopin's music make me feel so much and the amount of talent he has is so amazing. The delicate sounds of his music have transcended through time...the most romantic composer on earth.
I will marry him anytime if he plays me his music everyday.
Anyway i have been practising on my piano a lot, i guess when i am upset it's the only outlet i have. I am now learning this piece by chopin called the minute waltz...i'm almost there :)
Check this out. Of course i can't play that fast yet haha.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=7q82qUpRfGI
Anyway this is one of my favourite pieces i can play.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=EvxS_bJ0yOU&feature=related
One of the most technical pieces by famous composer in the romantic era, franz liszt, and i will never be able to play that fucking piece.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=hEnfZjqMSy0
Ok this piece is the 3rd movement from Beethoven's famous piece Moonlight Sonata. Possible piece to learn after the minute waltz but still not as easy cause it is fucking 18 pages long. I think my fingers need to start lifting weights.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=oqSulR9Fymg&feature=related
Chopin's ballade that was featured in the movie the Pianist. I think it will take me like a few years to master this haha. Super beautiful song.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=RR7eUSFsn28&feature=related
Chopin's fantasie impromptu. Another piece that i will love to play but i just can't get the beat right.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=tvm2ZsRv3C8&feature=related
Hope you guys had fun watching :)
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| Love does not hurt me. |
[09 Jun 2008|04:19am] |
This is bad.
I can't handle men who cry.
That's why i prefer men to break my heart rather than the vice versa. I just have this incredible power to move on quickly. All i need is a good cry and a few days and i'm done.
Maybe that's why i can never ever date good guys.
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| Over. |
[09 Jun 2008|03:19am] |
The worst thing that can happen in a relationship is when the person you loved the most in your fucking life tells you that you did not love him enough.
He's in denial.
Who the fuck can tolerate his drinking, drunken antics still send him home put him to bed and take the fucking cab home alone. Tell me how many girls will do it willingly and never complain.
Who the fuck can tolerate the mean stuff he says to you when he drinks and then the next morning, does not even remember shit and tells you it's not his fault since he didn't know it happened.
Who the fuck can tolerate his lack of physical intimacy when he doesn't even hold your hand anymore and i can't even remember the last time we really kissed.
Who the fuck can tolerate his huge ego when he does everything he wants and i stupidly just agree.
Who the fuck can tolerate the fact that he doesn't not make me feel good enough about myself and tells me that i need to lose weight.
All the time i felt terrible about myself, telling myself i need to lose more weight to look better so maybe he will love me more. For what seriously...
He doesn't deserve it at all. I know i am good enough and he just does not appreciate me.
He's really the biggest joke.
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| I'VE OFFICIALLY GRADUATED |
[05 Jun 2008|02:15am] |
FUCKING HELL I GOT AN A- FOR MY FINAL YEAR PROJECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My first A that meant so much to me gosh. I can't believe i did it alone and managed to get through it :) And the art history module i was so scared of failing , i actually got a B!
Amazing stuff :))))))
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| I'VE OFFICIALLY GRADUATED |
[05 Jun 2008|02:15am] |
FUCKING HELL I GOT AN A- FOR MY FINAL YEAR PROJECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My first A that meant so much to me gosh. I can't believe i did it alone and managed to get through it :) And the art history module i was so scared of failing , i actually got a B!
Amazing stuff :))))))
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| Boohoo |
[04 Jun 2008|01:53am] |
Hey peeps, it has been a lonnnnggg time since i've written here.
My trip to bangkok and hau hin (a beach area outside bangkok) was good. Shopped like mad, ate a lot and i'm pretty happy that i still managed to lose weight :)
I am just happy that the trip was an eye opener, made me realize stuff that i never knew. Really hate to be back actually...
Anyway i think i'm falling for someone and he will only be back in mid june :( It has been a long time since i have felt this way...
I think i will be making more trips to thailand in time to come haha.
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| Freaky. |
[24 May 2008|08:17pm] |
Saturday, May 24th, 2008 -- Sometimes, when you are close to an object of love, you want to merge with it so you can intensify your experience. These days, however, you are easily distracted by a variety of possibilities, making it difficult to decide which one is most worthy of your attention. Your best strategy now may be to see where the tides take you, for no decision is necessary yet. The pressure to make a choice stems from your fear of missing a clue to the secrets of the universe.
OMG.
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| the end of the beginning. |
[23 May 2008|11:32pm] |
It's official, marc and i are over. I have never met such an insensitive guy ever in my life.
I need to disappear now.
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| Deep in trouble. |
[21 May 2008|05:12am] |
I feel blue.
Nothing interest me anymore except for the series 24 that have been accompanying me for the past few nights. I did have fun during the long weekend except all the excessive eating and drinking have made me a fat girl.
Once again, i'm confused. Sometimes i wish no one will ever notice me. Maybe people really do like me but i feel bad that i am using them as mere tools to get what i want. I really think i am a bitch.
I think i've hurt two guys in the last week by giving them any sort of hope. Maybe a third person for being a little too caring as a friend? It's all my fault.
I need an answer soon.
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| Not so hot date. |
[14 May 2008|08:27pm] |
For the first time i slept at 3am only because i had some drinks.
Went out with someone who likes me to piss marc off but as usual he doesn't care.
Funny thing was that guy's friends already knew me. Very strange. According to them, they will always remember my face even after two years, gosh.
You know why, because they said i almost created a fight between a few guys at mos a long long time ago for no rhyme or reason. Basically for my own viewing pleasure.
I have no memory of this but i remember a few faces.
What a blardy bitch heh.
But anyway going out with the guy only makes me think about marc... period.
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| Angst. |
[13 May 2008|09:18am] |
FUCKING PISSED OFF WITH FUCKING MARC.
Seriously i really can't stand his drunken antics that he pulls off all the freaking time. WTF.
He blames me for the mistakes he make when he starts talking big. DRUNK as hell and starts making bets with people. WTF. He just has this freaking big ego that i can't stand anymore. I really really hate drunkards and maybe that's why i really don't even want to drink anymore. It just irks me big time.
We had this mega quarrel in the car and we broke up.
Whatever really, i can't stand being in a relationship with drunkards anymore.
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| Exercisemania. |
[11 May 2008|12:01pm] |
Life has been good so far except for my restlessness from unemployment and lack of trips to foreign lands.
So the only thing keeping me busy is exercising. I'm not anorexic for sure haha, just that i have been running almost everyday trying to get heldi klum's bod. Fuck but i'm still far from it heh.
Anyway i am going to wake up early, go to the library to return my overdue books and go for an evening run. I'm so boring.
Pretty random but my mum made this very insensitive comment today about my face. She said i have laugh lines and neither my sis or her have such deep lines. And she rubbed it in by saying how i am going to look older than her if i don't do anything.
WTF, i'm really aging. But i can't give up the fags. I think i need botox. Seriously do i really look old...
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