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Be my superman! [30 Apr 2003|10:26pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | American Pie ]

Today today today.. oh where to start. Had a good day in school (OMGOSH YOU GUYS! DID HE ACTUALLY *SAY* THAT TO ME) lol. Then i went home.. took a shower and got ready for wednesday night where me teneille shawn amanda caleb chris and P Jon went to the beach and chilled. Mucho funo. Tenizzle is going to Florida tomorrow with her choir and school band, awesome 4 her. Rach had a great surprise tonight. K stopped by (her boyfriend whom she had been doubting a lil) totally unexpectedly at her babysitting job. It was very sweet.
Tomorrow is an axious day fer me.. what will happen? anything? somethine i sorta kinda really hope.
I love ya guyss! Mwaz foreva

Quote of the day: "You're hair looks really good." Lol.. oh man I almost died.

Memory of the day: *Ken* talking to *Barbie*.. was that f l i r t i n g? Oh my goodness... wow

Comments: make me smile.

Cinderella cinderella oh my goodness cinderella [29 Apr 2003|09:50am]
[ mood | disappointed ]
[ music | I can- nas ]

Me and B to the ritt missed the bus today so my mom is making us clean the e n t i r e house. Dern them busses.
Im so bummed.. man in not even gunna get to see my eye candy. I was all ready and everything.. i even called JUSTIN for a ride lol.. that says something bout my desperateness to get to school. Oh well.
Now nothing exciting is gunna happen today.. i hope kit to the kat isnt mad. hmmz. I think shell be okay. I hope rach calls me cuz im gunna be krazi bored. Wawa.. here i come!
Aights im out like Elton John

Comments: make me smile.

Ever stop to think about it? [28 Apr 2003|09:37pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Yo no tengo un musica ]

So Limp Bizkit actually said something relevant once in one of their songs. They said...or screamed rather.. u gotta have faith!!! And yeah that's so true. So yeah no more weakness yo, cuz i gots faith in Jesus Christos and he will lead me thruuuu.
So today, as I was eating celery sticks and bleu cheese dressing (so good) a thought came to mind. Now, I often think this thought actually.. well I havent always but lately i have. So I said to myself, "Self.. I wonder who made all these cool things with cheese." Like, truly think about it, what geniuses these people must have been. Let me elaborate.. take.. for instance.. brie. Who ever thought to melt Brie (cheeeeese) into a hollowed out loaf of bread and then continue to dip the bread into the cheese. This man was an Einstein. Also, mozzarella(?) sticks.
Who could have possibly decided to bread and ..fry? pieces of mozzarella cheese. I mean these people must be sooo amazing. Who da thunk it to put lil pieces of bleu cheese into a salad dressing? And my ALL time favorite cheese, smoked gouda. These people are my heros. Who ever took Gouda.. and then smoked it (hahaha) is my idol. Thank You Cheese Fore Fathers. Thank You for dedicating your lives to increase my cheese consumption enjoyment. You truly are the unseen heros of the dairy world. I personally want to let you know I believe all the time and effort you put into making cheese was time well spent. Let's give it to em.. hip hip hooray.
>>Okay, also, I feel like writing lately and reading too. I want to great im a dork 2. No man reading rocks. So does writing. Let's hear it for reading and writing. hip hip...hooray? I wonder how many ppl will actually say outloud 'hip hip hooray' righhhhht now. Go ahead please.. if ur my friend say it out loud. Hip Hip Hooray. Go ahead... what? wha?? Too cool? Pshh, forget you.
I need to find some good pranks too.. any suggestions? Ohh baby. Anyway, today what did I do? Hmm.. nothin interesting. *Barbie* didnt get to talk to her *Ken* today. Drat, oh well. I realized that *HE* is merely just eye candy and stuff prob will never happen between us. But... I can have FAITH that is my GOD wanted me to be with him.. I would. Hey.. God... want me with him? Yeah.. you do.. don't lie. Stop it... don't lie.. okay you need more time to think about it? Okay... take all the time you hurry. ::twiddling of thumbs::
Im watchin Charlies Angels.. this movie isnt too great. I wanna watch Almost Heros.. now theres a movie. Hehe like.. oh man.. that part where the guy gets his ear cut off.
"Can you hear me?"
"Yes... yes I can still hear you!"
Oh man.. I wish Chris Farley was still alive.. and not an alcoholic.. and not drug addicted.. and saved. Eh..anyway... I need to get a job. Infact tomorrow I am going to apply to 2 places and my mom is making an appt. with the DMV 2morrow because I neeed my permit. ill be 17 in september and by the looks of it I wont have my license til November. That gets me so mad I could just go and randomly smash this keyboard.
afjiosd09sdfjiosdgji9sadgu0jgj ojf=!
Woo.. better now. Okay.. keep it real homez.

Quote of the day: "The adventures of Tenielle's woo woo?" Joe MISreading the book title..good times

Memory of the day: Gotta be gym.. love that jump rope huh girliez? "Mom.. I can go to Harvard now! I can get 20 ppl in a group and I can run under a jump rope!"
"Mom, I gotta go to Brookdale.. I cant even run under a jump rope."

Comments: make me smile.

I can't help it. [27 Apr 2003|11:20pm]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | Running-ND(grr) ]

I miss Ryan. I cry so much more now. I love him, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I hate it when I see the different things that used to have some sort of signifigance between us. Music is the worst.
Running by No Doubt and the Amanda Perez song are the 2 that are so hard to hear. I dunno what Im gunna do when he comes back from Florida and I see him again. Im just gunna want to run up and hug him or something idk. I just want to ask him one question.. i wanna know if he's over me. I know I cant go back with him.. but I just love him so much that this is the hardest thing I've ever done. I know he is not the one for me.. I know it in my head but I just have such a broken heart that I cant think straight. I dont want 2 go 2 school 2moro and face everyone who asks about us.. and the ppl who don't know yet.. I dont want to say anything. I dont feel like talking about it. Oh man this sucks but I know that in the end its for the better and God will honor this even though right now I feel totally weird about how I am towards God.. thats another story. I gotta get to sleep. I hate this.

Comments: make me smile.

Does any1 else smell sour milk? [27 Apr 2003|03:18pm]
[ mood | full ]
[ music | Swing Swing ]

Heyy, so today was nice. It was pastor appreciation day at church. I love pastor appreciation day. Pastor Chris looks so happy and its always fun. Anyway afterwards we went out to eat and now im home. Tomorrow school starts again, ugh. But only 2 months or so until summer!! Okay.. evil thoughts arising: Shawn is going to get it soo bad.. once we figure out how cuz he has gotten me royally lately and he needs to get it back. I also have another plan dealing with me being*Barbie*(kat knows what i mean).
Okay I'm out, I gotta go write a book for Tenielle cuz she got my creativeness flowing.

Okay im gunna put memory and quote of the day here from now on cuz there is always something good.

Quote of the Day(so far):
Tenielle:"Che does Matt know about that time in the movies.."
Che:(evil look) "No..!"
Tenielle: "Ohh....never mind"

Memory of the day: Tenielle to the front row to stare at shawn and caleb..couldnt keep a straight face huh? lol

Your into the class clown. The kind a guy who can
melt your heart with a joke, or make milk come
out your nose...whatever floats your boat

Whats Your Type?
brought to you by Quizilla

Comments: make me smile.

home sweet home [26 Apr 2003|12:16pm]
[ mood | hungry ]
[ music | do your feet hurt-mxpx ]

so im back home. Florida was cool, not the best tho but i wont bore you with details lol. Spring break is practically ova! Oh man that sucks. LEts see nothing interesting is going on really right now. I might chill with Kat a little later, but i might now. I have to clean the bathroom, ugh boring. Im downloadin Joshz cool tunes right now but my computer is SO slow so its taking forever. I have a little bit of a tan! Okay im out for nows.

Comments: make me smile.

Rachel gets her wish [18 Apr 2003|01:37am]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | addicted- simple plan ]

i dont really want 2 discuss today if thats alright with everyone. Im skipping the whole entire day until 7:30ish tonight. I went to shawns house and chilled with tenielle and him and watched movies and it was cool. ate more spaghetti lol. thats all im mentioning cuz im reeli not in the mood to talk about the rest of my day.
I can talk about tomorrow tho. Tomorrow..actually today since its friday already... tenielle is gunna sleep over and maybe kat too. this will b fun. saturday im going shopping, always a good thing.

*Random* Rach... remember that going away gift you were asking for? u got it...

anyway, im going to sleep now.. well im gunna read a little first because i dont want to go to sleep... dunt feel like thinking at all.. heh.
Im going to the Good Friday Service tonight. That sounds so weird to me because i never really went to the Good Friday Service b4.. idk why im just a punk like that.. so the good friday service sounds so foreign to me. ive come quite a way i suppose...

hmm.. i wonder what the little face in my MoOd section is gunna look like... its always a surprise.. it harldy ever fits what my emotion reeli looks like...sry rambling

ok i gotta go.. my mom and joe arent working tomorrow so i wont be able to sleep in til noonish im thinkin. we'll see

Comments: make me smile.

As fun as a chemistry test! [16 Apr 2003|11:30pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | swing swing ]

So I was told something interesting tonight... shawn and tenielle are going out. yepp, they told me they werent but w/e theyve finally come clean. im not mad that they didnt say anything. but am i happy bout it? huh.. lets see...idk yet.
its cool theyve both found someone and its cool that they are dating christians... its cool that theyre happy... but i hope nothing changes. theyll stil be cool im sure.
im tired.. today sorta sucks in a okay way.. not because of them lol.. other things.
i just reeli wanna go to florida and get outta here for a lil while, thank God its spring break

Comments: 1 shared their quick wit - make me smile.

Spring Break [16 Apr 2003|05:55pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Bullying the Juke Box(bouncing souls) ]

Finally it's spring break. It felt like the last day of school today, idk why. Maybe it was the obnoxious heat. Maybe it was watching movies in class. Or maybe it was the excitement everyone felt when the bell rang. W/e it was it was cool. Lol okay that was dorky.
So I cant wait to go to Florida now. I wish spring break was longer because FL takes up practically my whole vaca. and i wanna chill with all my friends too. O well as long as I get tan(tho it may be physically impossible!) 8)
anyway so nothing too special happened today. Except i wore this outfit and i felt totally uncomfortable. I am NEVER wearing that shirt again! talk about insecure lol. O well, I neeeeeed my permit extremely much(bad english).
I'm out fer now, gotta get ready for tonight.

Comments: make me smile.

*yawn* [15 Apr 2003|09:42pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]

Nothin exciting happened today. It was Rachels birthday, sweet 16... yay! I got my Easter card from mark today, it was a big bunny because we have a contest of who can send the biggest card.. I'll win! He also sent pictures, Marky is growing up. He's getting muscles and stuff, I'm happy for him. No more scrawny-ness.
Besides that I didnt do much today. Tomorrow is the last day of school, finally, and then Im going to Fl. on Sunday. I might not even see Mark tho because he lives too far from where we'll be staying. It would be like a 3 or 5 hr drive for him and his fam. That sucks majorly.
Anyway, I might be getting my permit very soon i just reeeli need to study. I am soo lazy! Dude ive been 16 for like ... er 7 months, i shud be all studied up by now. Kat was absent today... grrs! The lying bum! "Im sick mom"... yeeah right.
Anyway, I gg and call Ryan. Luv yaz.

Comments: make me smile.

Bitter Sweet [14 Apr 2003|12:11am]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | Weird Al lol ]

Today was a cool day. Chilled at my dads fer a lil while then went to sfga w/ kewl ppl (tenielle, shawn, josh, caleb and rach) that was fun. but then me and ryan got into a fight >:(
So today was kinda bitter sweet I guess. Ugh but we had a talk and so we shall see. Anyway dude Im not guna talk about my relationship with Ry that much bc im afraid ppl are gunna think im like a drama queen or sumthin which im totally not lol. I just like talkin and gettin advice.. not about ryan lol about eveything.
Spring break is in a few days.. thank God! I need a tan lol.
Okay I g2g2 bed. Lataz

Comments: make me smile.

Bye Bye Mark [11 Apr 2003|11:50pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | The ChOiR from tonight ]

So today was interesting. I got a B+ in english adn she told me I had a B like it was a badddddddd thing. I got a paper back that I got an 80 on. She wrote in big letters under the 80 YOU CAN DO BETTER THEN THIS. I AM VERY(very is underlined) CONCERNED. PLEASE (underlined 2wice) SEE ME! I didn't see her but I dont think she even remembered. I'm sorry but that assignment was bogus anyway and you're right I wasn't all that compelled to put my very best into it. What did I ever do to make her believe that I am like some A++ student anyway?
Okay... so the rest of the day was boring.
After school I went with Shawn and his parents and Tenielle... I mean Toe Nail... to this youth rally at a Long Brach C.O.G. Wow I remembered that Long Branch place so much! It brought back such memories, even though it's like ghetto poorness there it still brought back such good memories. Anyway. the rally was good, I got saved lol jp. But yeah I am still dealing with some thangz and like I was praying about these thangz at the rally so we shall see what happens. But yeah I totally I think may have come off a lil.. I dunno unenthusiastic when it came to the alter call and stuff but that was just because I was praying there in the pew even if I didnt seem like it... but most of all I just had so much on my mind that I was so outta it... I wasn't paying attention to what everyone was doing. So then this guy comes to me and Tenielle and asks if we're sisters... er no! He says we need to stay friends and that her testimony will help me out (*i believe that too because she has had some experiences that I maybe should ask her about*), and that mine will help her too, tho I dont see how. Then the guy said not to let anything... anyone get in between us. SO.. I have decided to say Bye Bye to marky. Tenielle can be his wife, I wont talk about me stealing him anymore. I don't want that to get inbetween us ever hehe. I shall follow the wise words from the mysterious man.
So I have thinkin to do... whodathunkit.. sry I just love that. I hope ry guy isnt mad at me.
Okay I am tired of not being able to be real.
I wish so badly I could just say what i want to say. i want to be honest.... with everyone.. but i cant be and its annoying. people just get too defensive or they get offended when they shouldnt or they dont make themselves approachable. i wish i knew what the different outcomes would be if i said the things i want to say. O well.
But yeah i totally felt God's presence in their and it was like.. my soul was starving for it. I need to feeeeeeeed my souuul. Lol okay if you're not christian you probably don't know what the heck im talking about. Questions? Ask me lol.
Okay.. I gotta go to sleep... worn out.
P.s- Im going to start goin to my dads every other weekend so ill be free more often.. yess. I wont be BEAT anymore woo hoo. I reeli like hanging out with my friends from alcog because theyre just so awesome. aight, l8trz

Comments: make me smile.

Woops... [10 Apr 2003|03:32pm]
[ mood | worried ]

SO today I totally screwed up and didn't set my alarm. So I didn't meet Rach this morning and she was soo mad. She was being stalked by some creep in a truck who followed her and everything. So there is no more morning runs for us, that guy just is too scary. I totally messed up but i feel like Rach is upset not only about me not meeting her.. like she seemed a lil different today but no worries.. cud just be me.
Ryan and I aren't as peachy as we used to be but w/e itz all good.
My mom is annoying and i want her to stay out of my life but theres nothing I can do about that but she gets me very angry.
Im studying for my permit test ugh why is this so easy for sum ppl but for me? well I think ima fail it.
Okay lets see spring break is almost here- hurray... anyway nothin else is goin on.
Kat wore a shorrrrrrt skirt today.. it wasnt that short it just see,ed that way but ppl were makin fun of her but i think she got upset i feel bad. Dezzzz squirted water on her legs and then kat got reeli maddd!
Aight I'm done.

Comments: make me smile.

Oh man! [08 Apr 2003|06:44pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]
[ music | Addicted-Simple Plan ]

Dude totally happy here. Shawn is the man! He's bringing over spaghetti for me. How coool is that?
Yeah I know im too excited over food but its not the food, per say, it's the thought lol.
Okay im goone.

Comments: 1 shared their quick wit - make me smile.

tired [08 Apr 2003|06:35pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Okay first of all my friend spells her name RachEl. Okay Rach? She is awesome and very cool and we going running. Just hadda say that... happy girlie?
Anyway today Kat is a changed person. Hurray.. We love Kat! She is totally on fiiiiiiiiiiiiire (fer GOd lol) and i am soo very happy fer her. I wil NOT let her back slide or get discouraged.I love you Katb.
So I get my report card in a while.. very scary. And I am hungry but I dunno what to eat for dinner. No cheese please (no1 understands that lol but I do.)
I now want spaghetti.. don't ask why. Let's see me and Tenielle adn shawn MIGHT play a joke on Matt if Shawn just stops actin like a woman and does it. hehe jp.
Nothin much happened today. It snowed yesterday, its april showers not april SNOW. 8 days till spring break. Finally.
Okay that's basically it. Ryan hasnt been happy lately I d k why but I hope he gets happier soon.
Aight im out fer now. Keep it real home fry.

Comments: make me smile.

::cough cough:: [07 Apr 2003|09:41am]
[ mood | bored ]

Hey.. I'm sick.. staying home. I went to 6 flags on saturday adn I shouldn't have because I already had a sore throat and after 6 flags I just got really sick. O well, it's almost completely out of my system so I'll be in school tomorrow. Hmm I can't remember whether or not I called Ryan and told him not to pick me up or if that was just a dream.. uh-oh. I'll talk 2 him later...
Oh I found my CDs... I'd lost them since Winterfest in February.. they were in Joes car lol.
Anyway I'm out..

Comments: make me smile.

Long time no see... [04 Apr 2003|04:26pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | no music/too painful ]

Okay I don't think I've updated for a long time. Okay quick update for everyone who hasn't talked to me indepth lately. FIrst of all me and Ryan are back together.. suprised?No? hmm.. anyway... Okay I was really upset and I guess depressed for a while and I didn't really want to go out or anything but I'm all good now. I've put some things into perspective and basically I'm leaving it all up to God. Okay so Kat has been having a hard time lately.. for many reasons (I dont like Josh anymore! though he wasnt a main reason he's still a jerk). But I think she's doing better.. atleast I hope she is! Poor chicka. Life at my dads house is kRaZii! I only go to his house on Saturdays and Sundays but dude so much goes on. So now my stepmom thinks I hate her or something.. well she's thought it for a while.. but that's messed up because I don't act liek I hate her at all and so by her thinking I hate her any effort I have made to make her think otherwise just sorta flew out the window. Does that make sense? I think so.. anyway whatever I guess I need to get the guts to say HEY I LIEK YOU! AAAAAAAARG! Maybe not like that though...
I'm watching Oprah so this is taking me forever to type lol. Anyway continuing. I got into a lot of trouble today and yesterday in school. I just want summer... I can't stand school anymore I hate it actually. The ppl are cool and nothin about it is really bad except Im just tired of it. Completely....!
So.. lately what's happened? hmm.... well I went to the bible study at my school with shawn (very intimidating!)
It was okay... needs improvement and if Shawn wasn't going I wouldn't go anymore. I'm sucha wimp.. I'm too shy and like I feel way too outta my comfort zone to ever go there alone. I need Kat to go with me too cuz I'd feel even better if I had 2 friends in there. Last night I went with shawn and tenielle and saw Josh in Guys and Dolls. He was really good.. I didn't even know he could act let alone sing! So you can only imagine my shock and amazement and utter disbelief as he sang song after song after song. Okay maybe I'm exagerating. Let's see.. what else. Rachael was sick this week but we're guna go running again next week. me and tara talked which was nice cuz shes a very private person. That stupid girl that tried to take Ryan away has stopped trying to be my friend I think.. maybe she's getting a bad vibe from me.. lol hmm I wonder why. Nahh ima try and seem nicer to her evn tho its hard. Im goin to 6 flags thank god!!!! Finally my home away from home is open again. I cant wait to go on superman ... it wont be open yet on saturday so ima just have to go again when it does open! Okay i dont think theres anything else to say really.. oo I think I blew my ears out from listening to Ryans system! Seriously its finally gotten to me... like my ears have been hurting no lie! and ringing! and today in chemistry my left ear just like stopped working and started ringing! I was liek o dear.. Im deaf...what to do. But it went back to normal.. now theyre just aching a lil. o boy. I have no idea what i'm doing tonight. Where am I going with Ryan and Justin? Are we all still gunna chill or just me and Ryan? I have no clue.. I prob won't know until Ry actually gets here. Ew my hair was up in a ponytail again today... i HATE my hair up.. so I am going to take another shower and put it down. Oh mike just Imed me.. I wonder if he's in a bad mood like he usually is.
I havent talkd 2 mark much I should call him. Hmm yes I should.... Okay.. Im hungry so I'm out. I'll ttylz!

Comments: make me smile.

Crazyness [18 Mar 2003|05:50pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | Michelle Branch- Goodbye 2 u ]

Okay today was a very strange day. Me and Ryan broke up.. after more than a year of being together. Its been a real emotion ride and its over. Yeah I'm sad but it's going to end up being okay. It took soo much to finally do it.. but once I started telling him how I felt I knew I hadda do it. He doesn't understand it right now but I know he will someday. Okay.. moving on because I could type a huge thing about me and Ryan but I need to stop and chill for a while. All I know is I am going to be enjoying stuff.. just relaxing and spending time with my nEgLeCtEd girlies.
Anyway I got into Peer Leadership which is cool. And Im gettin more involved in church and my relationship with God. Also I've made a new friend out of this whole ordeal which is cool.
I gotta go... I'll update lata.

Comments: make me smile.

What's this hole doing inside of me? [16 Mar 2003|10:20pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

I am reeli upset right now. I have no idea why though. It's like... I dont know what its like. I have too much going on. And I'm failing chemistry, so I took this take home quiz so that I could get my grade up.. and I can't do it. I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing. Ryan isn't answering his phone.. whats goin on? Kat is calling me back.. no one is online. I talked to mark but I needed to talk to some one reeli bad. mark, even though I love him, was not that person. Dude, I'm going crazy here! Okay.. I have a decision to make and it's eating me alive because I don't know what to decide. Well, I know in my head what I should do, but my heart isn't letting go. Alright if you don't know my situation then this whole post means nothing to you.. sorry.
Anyway- I went to Maryland this weekend. It was good... didn't do too much just kinda chilled with family. The Bat Mitzvah was madd long but it was okay. This weekend didn't really help me to clear my mind though. I was sorta hoping the seperation from everything would give me time to clear stuff up and figure things out. But, nope, that didn't happen lol. I need to go to sleep and forget all this stuff.
MAN I just want to go back to being myself again>> how much longer til that happens? After I make some decisions, that's when. Okay, enough of this! lol.. I gotta get outta here cuz tomorrow morning I'm going to veronica's homeroom. Hopefully she can help me make sense of this chemistry.

Comments: make me smile.

AsPiRiN pLeAsE! [10 Mar 2003|05:22pm]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | No Doubt (still! lol) ]

I have such a bad headache.. I've had it since last night. Last night all of a sudden I got this headache from my ears to my eyes to the back of my head to the front.. it's soo bad. If it doesn't go away by tomorrow I'll go to the doctor. Like I felt all this pressure in my head and then I got this headache. It can't be too good for me but maybe I'm coming down with something or something like that. Maybe I'm sick, who knows.
**Anyway, when Ryan came over this morning he had 2 presents for me. He's a sweetie. He got me The Ring on DVD because he knows it's my favorite movie. And then he gave me Dark Cloud 2 cuz Im always playing that game. I love him, and I'm glad he's all better because he was really sick.
Justin Imed me today and we were tlaking normally then he started talking about Ry and why Ryan is mad and then he said he doesn't care that Ryan isn't talking to him. W/e I know thats not true.
Okay I'm gunna go because my head is k i l l i n g me.
Love you guys!

Comments: make me smile.

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