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Build me up buttercup, don't break my ♥

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[[.Polly wants a cracker.]] [22 Jan 2004|09:17am]
[ mood | crazy ]
[ music | Territorial pissings-NIRVANA ]

I'm deleting this soon. If I wanted you to know what went on in my life I'd probably tell you...and if I don't then that means you weren't there..or you aren't special enough to know.


good-bye.

(2 Broken h.e.a.r.t.s | Make me feel.)

[[.Ain't nothin' but a G thang baby.]] [16 Jan 2004|04:50pm]
[ mood | curious ]
[ music | MARS VOLTA ]

indie prick
you are either a record nerd or not a scenester at
all. you are the coolest of the bunch. bravo,
dude.


what type of lame scenester are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


See.I'm better than you.

On another note..No one reads this so I don't know why I continue to even post..but I donno..I think I'm going to delete this thing. I feel weird inviting other people into my life and letting them read my thoughts anyways. Maybe all you losers should do the same.

Tonight's plans..hopefully.
x.] hang out with LOSERface
x.] and john.
x.] Have some "fun" wink wink..you can think whatever you want about this. i bet you are thinking about sex. you perv.


One of these days..I'm going to show you what love is.What love really is.

(3 Broken h.e.a.r.t.s | Make me feel.)

[14 Jan 2004|01:15pm]
I want to see Kyle RIGHT now. End of fucking story.
-------------
EDIT: The sad part about all of this is that Kyle skipped today and I could have saw him because I came home early! UGH. FUCK irony. and most of all..FUCK YOU.
----------
EDIT [again] 6:12 pm.: I GOT TO SEE KYLE!. His mom went to the bar and he told his mom that he had to take his sister's boyfriend to Bithlo but instead he came HERE and we went back to his house for a bit then he took me home and..You don't understand..I'm so happy right now. I LOVE HIM..He is my grungie LOSERface that I love ever so.

(1 Broken h.e.a.r.t. | Make me feel.)

[[.Faded hearts and broken promises.]] [14 Jan 2004|12:17pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | The Ballad of Sal Villanueva-Taking Back Sunday <33 ]

I'm home early today because... I guess I kind of had a breakdown in the bathroom at school during lunch. I went to my guidence counselor first..but she couldn't actually talk to me 'til 4th period..and I knew that was going to be waaay too late because right after I went to her office I went right into the girls bathroom, set down my bookbag and cried. Not just one or two little tears, about a billion hard cold tears. My body was like in shock and I started shaking and stuff. This is really too much for me. I'm failing basically every class and I really didn't care until about an hour ago. The only thing I have been caring about was Kyle,Kyle, and well..Kyle. I've already done the one thing I hate..I made him my everything. He's still grounded but I'm going to see if his sister will not tell his mom if I come over for a bit because..wow..I really need a Loserface hug right about now. I love him. He makes me want to jump around and shout that out to the whole world.


I AM INLOVE WITH A MESSY HAIRED GRUNGE BOY


And nothing is better then knowing he loves me too.

(3 Broken h.e.a.r.t.s | Make me feel.)

[[.I'm fallin',I'm fallin'.]] [13 Jan 2004|09:28pm]
[ mood | distressed ]
[ music | About a girl- Nirvana ]

I just don't care about anything anymore.
Everything..that's nice
Not everything . I still love you and all, that won't change, but my life, yeah i really dont care what happens.
I see



I wish I could tell him that not caring is what got me into all those messes.

I love you. always.

(1 Broken h.e.a.r.t. | Make me feel.)

[11 Jan 2004|09:29pm]
Nirvana
You are Nirvana. Grunge. You are in your face and
out of control. Still, however, trying
desperately to be mainstream. Everyone has
loved you once. You may or may not be a drug
addict.


Which Band Are You? (with pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

(3 Broken h.e.a.r.t.s | Make me feel.)

[[.I am my own worst enemy.]] [11 Jan 2004|11:39am]
[ music | LFO-Every other time..hehe. ]

I'm sinking like a stone in the sea
I'm burning like a bridge for your body.



The last week has been..Well..odd but amazing at the same time. Drugs,pure rapture and love. I realized how much I missed Kyle...But now he's in trouble from last night when we did Coricidin last night and his mom found out..so he's grounded..not sure how long. I want to cry but he made me promise that I wouldn't.

I love you.

(2 Broken h.e.a.r.t.s | Make me feel.)

[[.Love buzz.]] [08 Jan 2004|05:16pm]
[ mood | restless ]
[ music | Nirvana. <3 ]

The last couple of days have been great. Kyle's back and I've been hanging out with him everyday basically. He makes me super duper happy. yes yes. Tuesday and yesterday I tried Chloracedine Cold and Cough...which is where you take certain amounts and trip off of it. It was awesome..well yesterday's trip was..Tuesday's was kind of just body-like. Uh..hm,I really don't know what to say. But I think that those pills have been fucking with my body because I look really fucking tired and feel really tired even though I'm getting plenty of sleep..My mom told me like half an hour ago that I need rest or something because I look like crap. I do..I really do. I haven't even put on make up or anything lately..I get up like 20 minutes before school everyday just so i can sleep more..Eh,that shit is fucking with me,But I don't care..It's amazing.

(7 Broken h.e.a.r.t.s | Make me feel.)

[[.Pretzels and peanut-butter.]] [06 Jan 2004|12:09am]
[ music | As lovers go-Dashboard confessional ]

Lets just say that he came home.
He made me smile.
And I love him.



On another note Robert Joseph Gunst is supposed to be moving today [since its 12 something at night] or Thursday. I'm super duper happy about that. No more lies, no more bullshit..no more..anything.


Now, that's fucking wonderful.

(2 Broken h.e.a.r.t.s | Make me feel.)

[[.Every mistake that I made I couldn't have made without you.]] [04 Jan 2004|10:39pm]
[ music | just go ahead now-spin doctors ]

I'm waiting on Jordan to get here in a few minutes..other than that I'm doing nothing but listening to music..Which isn't very interesting. Kyle's flight was supposed to get in at 11 tonight and his mom was supposed to pick me up before we went to the airport..but I called at like 10 and she said that there was a storm and it was cancelled for them to leave at like 6:50 in the morning tomorrow. Yeah, so she's picking me at like 9 in the morning to go pick them up. Hehe, I love him.


I was just a stupid kid back then
I take back every word that I said..

(3 Broken h.e.a.r.t.s | Make me feel.)

[[.Our last good-bye.]] [04 Jan 2004|08:02pm]
[ mood | loved ]

So many fucking things have gone on in the past few days. It kind of makes me wonder if it all was real..But,yeah,it was. Me and Jessica went to Robert's house last night and stayed the night..Some things never change. I realized that last night. He's still the same old Robert I used to know..he just hides it. It's okay though,he's moving.

the house was messier than usual.
i guess lisa hasn't been home alot.
you look tired.
that lamp was never there before.
yeah, baby, i remember those words.
im sorry i'm over you, you've broken me too many times.



If you want to call me baby
Just go ahead now
And if you want to tell me maybe
Just go ahead now
If you want to buy me flowers
Just go ahead now
And if you
Want to talk to hours
Just go ahead now.





I hate you.

(2 Broken h.e.a.r.t.s | Make me feel.)

[[.Short stories with tragic endings.]] [03 Jan 2004|05:38pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | tbs ]

Well..I really don't know what's going on..I really need to get shit together because I'm being broken apart.


you still have all of me..

(8 Broken h.e.a.r.t.s | Make me feel.)

[[.When the butterflies disappear and the pain in your stomach surfaces.]] [01 Jan 2004|07:43pm]
[ music | yule shoot your eye out-fall out boy. ]

I'm horrible,horrible,horrible.
So is Jessica.
We all are.
We deserve to fucking burn in hell.
I hate myself,I hope I die.

(2 Broken h.e.a.r.t.s | Make me feel.)

[01 Jan 2004|12:23pm]
NazgulSuicide: life is like music
NazgulSuicide: you hear a song over and over
NazgulSuicide: and you either love it
NazgulSuicide: or hate it

(1 Broken h.e.a.r.t. | Make me feel.)

[[.If I told you this was killing me, would you stop?.]] [01 Jan 2004|09:14am]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | Lump-The presidents of the united states of america ]

It's 2004. Woopie..Not really. Last night was..interesting. And that is really the only word that can describe last night. Pictures soon to come.



ex oh ex oh.

(5 Broken h.e.a.r.t.s | Make me feel.)

[[.It's not that I don't trust you.]] [31 Dec 2003|04:28pm]
[ music | TBS! <3 ]

TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE SO AWESOME.

New years resolutions:


  • Be happy.



  • Be straight forward ALL the time.



  • Always tell the people that I care about that I love them.



And whatever else I can think of.



Plans for tonight:
x. Drinking
x. More drinking
x.And even more drinking
x. Plus..PICTURES,SEX DRUGS AND ROCK'N' ROLL. maybe.


I l o v e y.o.u <333


-Alicea

(5 Broken h.e.a.r.t.s | Make me feel.)

[[.You're down for selling me out.]] [31 Dec 2003|10:19am]
It's not that i don't trust you
i just know what you've been up to
and this dial tone is agreeing with everything i've had in mind.
and you've got your high as a kite tricks in the bag.

so as his eyes move down past your shoulders
and the shades start moving in the same direction
don't worry, i won't say a thing.
you can't blame a girl for sticking to what she knows.

i hope he takes his time
and i hope he keeps your eyes closed tight
and i hope that when he leaves,
you still smell him on your sheets
because i can, i can.
i hope he takes his time
and i hope he keeps your eyes closed tight
and i hope that when he leaves,
you still smell him on your sheets
because i can, i can.

if i could get to sleep
then, i guess you could stop pretending.
because if i didnt think you loved him
well then i wouldn't lay alone
and you've got your high as a kite tricks in the bag.

i hope he takes his time
and i hope he keeps your eyes closed tight
and i hope that when he leaves,
you still smell him on your sheets
because i can, i can.
i hope he takes his time
and i hope he keeps your eyes closed tight
and i hope that when he leaves,
you still smell him on your sheets
because i can, i can.

you're down for selling me out
while i play dumb,
but it's cool because i let you, you thought i'd never catch you,
you said "we're only friends." yeah, real good friends, i bet. i bet.

you're down for selling me out
while i play dumb,
but it's cool because i let you, you thought i'd never catch you,
you said "we're only friends." yeah, real good friends, i bet. i bet.

you're down for selling me out
while i play dumb,
but it's cool because i let you, you thought i'd never catch you,
you said "we're only friends." yeah, real good friends, i bet. i bet.

forget your legs around my hips.
forget your hands pressed on my back.
forget all the letters that i kept.
this is another i won't send.
forget your lips, your eyes, your thighs.
forget our one last kiss goodbye.
forget me staking out your house.
forget ive got you figured out.

forget your legs around my hips.
forget your hands pressed on my back.
forget all the letters that i kept.
this is another i won't send



It's New Year's Eve and I'm probably going to end up doing nothing. But that really isn't a big surprise. I want someone to kiss when the ball drops. Fat chance. :Sigh:

Lots 'o pictures are going to be taken tonight. Especially one before the ball drops. I hope this year doesn't suck..That would be horrible.

(2 Broken h.e.a.r.t.s | Make me feel.)

[[.yum yum gimme some.]] [30 Dec 2003|11:23pm]
After a huge breadfight WAAAR
jess: owe
me: what?
jess: my leg hurts , you hit me hard
me:..it was fucking BREAD jessica

(2 Broken h.e.a.r.t.s | Make me feel.)

[[.You're so pretty and I'm still choked up.]] [30 Dec 2003|05:11pm]
she said "i've gotta be honest,
you're wasteing your time if you're fishing round here."
and i said "you must be mistaken,
cause i'm not fooling...this feeling is real"
she said...she said "you gotta be crazy,
What do you take me for? Some kind of easy mark?
"No, you've got wits, you've got looks,
you've got passion, but I swear that you've got me all wrong."

all wrong.
all wrong.
but you got me...

i'll be true, i'll be useful...
i'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
and i'll belong to you...
if you'll just let me through.
this is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it by hesitating.
and this is wonderful as loving goes,
this is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?

and i said "i've gotta be honest
i've been waiting for you all my life."
for so long i thought i was asylum bound,
but just seeing you makes me think twice.
and being with you here makes me sane,
i fear i'll go crazy if you leave my side.
you've got wits...you've got looks,
you've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?


tonight.
tonight.
but you've got me...

i'll be true, i'll be useful...
i'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
and i'll belong to you...
if you'll just let me through.
this is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it by hesitating.
and this is wonderful as loving goes,
this is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?
this is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it by hesitating.
and this is wonderful as loving goes,
this is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?

(4 Broken h.e.a.r.t.s | Make me feel.)

[[.Now you're drowning in your own saliva.]] [30 Dec 2003|11:02am]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | clark gable-postal service ]

1) Have you ever had a song written about you? yeah.
3) What song makes you cry? almost anything TBS.
4) What song makes you happy? excited: you're so last summer.
5) What do you like to listen to before bed? taking back sunday.

a p p e a r a n c e
HEIGHT: 5'0. Small..so what.
HAIR COLOR: brown.
SKIN COLOR: pale.
EYE COLOR: blue/green/yellow sunflowers.
PIERCINGS: ears.
TATTOOS: not yet.

r i g h t n o w
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: it's a skirt..plaid and black.
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: something by sigur ros
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: dr. p.
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: just fab.
HOW ARE YOU? could be so much better.

l o v e
BOYFRIEND: mhmm.
GIRLFRIEND: a wife.
SEXUALITY: straight.
CHILDREN: not for a while.
CURRENT CRUSH: this one boy.
BEEN IN LOVE?: no.
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: dur.
BEEN HURT?: my middle name is hurt,duh.
GREATEST REGRET: hm..why ever wish you hadn't done something if it once made you happy?
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: no. a week. ;)



Yeah, I was bored. I got home not too long ago from my psychiatrist appointment. I had to wake up at like 9 err. My mom told her that I'm having mood swings again..so instead of just taking Lexapro..now I'm taking Depakote at nighttime for a mood stablizer. How cute. I guess that is about it.

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