| Wake The Mummy! |
[31 Jul 2004|12:45am] |
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awake |
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Dj Shadow ~Blood on the motorway~ |
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I can't sleep. =(
Thank you for the magnetic poetry!
It's my new toy.
Trudgeing in a lie
Under the love chain
I fall in a moments skin
Rip me out of you
Sweat & Blood
Need him
Want me
Robbed bare
Some never see.
Oh the fun! I know it doesn't make any sense at all.
I was just thinking how much crap I have in my apartment. Jack has his clothes, some dvd's and cd's and thats pretty much it. I am such the pack rat when it comes to keeping things. I have so much well, JUNK! Seems the bigger my apartments get the more junk I aquire. Gotta part with some of it but I have the hardest time giving it up. Every single thing I have has memories or a special person that gave it to me yadda yadda yadda.
For instance my elephant collection. Elephants are my favorite animal. When I was fifteen I was on a trip to Mount St.Helens and I bought a little elephant made of ash from the mountain. I thought it was a cool sovenir so I marked where it was from and put it on a shelf in my room. After that day whenever I was on a trip or visiting somewhere cool I would buy an elephant, write where I had gotten it and put it in my collection. Once all my friends and family members (mostly my mother) found out about this they thought that was the thing to get me whenever they went anywhere. Everyone that knew me would go on a trip and bring me back an elephant of some kind as a gift. I really appreciated their kindness and was really touched by it all...in the beginning. *sigh* Now my apartment looks like a freakin african safari. I've got elephant salt shakers, dishes, candle sticks, cookie jars, pictures, even an elephant tea pot. Don't get me started on my stuffed 'elephant' animals that my mom gave me (apparently she still thinks im 10). It's a mess! Finally I had to actually request that I stop getting them before people come over and think I've got some kind of sick elephant shrine going on. Oy vay! I've even given some away and still have elephants coming out my ears.
I need to move soon- they just raised the rent on me. I pay $935.00 for a one bedroom. I can't believe how expensive California is. Supply and demand. If I still lived back in Colorado I could be paying a mortgage with that amount. To own a home out here you pretty much have to make at least over 50K to live comfortably. It sucks. I love it here. I just wish it wasn't so expensive. How come all you guys (with the exception of Claire who lives in La La Land) owns a home?
By the way Isa brought me back some killer shoes from her trip to London. I don't know what brand they are but I love them!
I would love to visit England. Every Brit I've met has been so cool. When I was 15 I used to have a HOT friend named Justin from Liverpool (i think?) who used to come with his family every summer. I met him when I was smoking outside a pool hall and he asked me for a 'fag.' The friend I was with thought he was insulting him and calling him a fag and I had to explain that he meant a cigarette. We were always together after that. He used to make fun of my accent non stop. We would try and imitate eachother and die laughing. No one has ever made me laugh as hard as that kid. I loved him. We used to email back and forth but I lost touch with him about a year ago when I moved. Last I heard he was getting married and moving to Spain. I wonder what happened to him? Hrmm. Justin where have you gone?
Alright I'm finally sleepy.
Goodnight Lovers.
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| A Russian Quaalude brings a Soviet Summer |
[30 Jul 2004|11:27pm] |
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quixotic |
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Death Cab For Cutie ~ The Sound of Settling |
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I'm home @ 11:30 on a Friday night and I like it.
My day:
Got to work EARLY for once.
Found out that Bella has chewed up my favorite shoes.
There was nothing on Tv today.
Jack was in Vice City all night.
It wasn't that hot today but still went to the beach to cool off.
I enrolled for fall semester at school.
Bought new Cd's at music trader.
Watched The Bourne Supremacy with Rochelle, which was very good (also recognized the actor who played Eomer from Lord of the Rings- does that make me a HUGE geek or what?).
Decided I am no longer a vegitarian.
I ate Fast Food for the first time in a year (In-N-Out burger is the devil)!
Spoke with the parental units, who want me to visit.
Got the perscription for Valium so I can get on the plane.
I'm finally planning my trip to Berlin this fall.
I sold two paintings today at the electric chair which is enough to cover my art class I'm taking.
Ok, so things are looking up.
Life is too short.
I think I exsist.
Xoxo
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| If its not Scottish, it's CRAP! |
[27 Jul 2004|11:36pm] |
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melancholy |
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~ The Cardigans ~ |
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All I do is dream of a better life. I have so many hopes and dreams that I want so badly but things happen and sometimes I forget. I spend so much time trying to better myself in so may ways, but is it for me or for others?
I have no motivation. I remember a time when I was so determined and strong that I would stop at nothing to accomplish what I wanted. When did I loose it? Sometimes I feel that I put up such a front that I don't even know who I am anymore. Does anyone know the real me if I don't ?
I feel old beyond my years sometimes. I know I'm only 25 so to some people I am still a 'baby,' but I feel I've lived my life 10 times over. I feel worn out. What do I have to show for it? What's holding me back? Am I happy? Is anyone really happy with their life or themselves? If there is such a person that is honestly happy I want to pick their brain. What is their secret? What have I done that's so wrong?
Who the hell am I writing these questions to? Yea.....
I don't mean to be so down but I am just not feeling too hot lately.
~~~~ Pitty Party at my house, 10 o'clock don't be late! ~~~~
My neighbors are fighting again, they do this at least once a day. I hope to all that is holy that they move out soon I can't handle the screaming. why be in a relationship if you fight alllll the time? Unless the making up sex is REALLLLLY good. They are either fighting, playing shitty music or having sex, LOUD sex. Don't they know that the walls here are paper thin? Maybe they just don't care. I just wish they wouldn't do it when I'm trying to sleep. Jacks the sound sleeper, he never hears a thing, while I'm laying there with a pillow over my head. Lucky bastage.
I am the worst sleep talker ever ( is that a 'word'? It is now!). I always roll over and say some stupid crap to Jack and then get teased about it all day. Most of the time I'm laughing.... kind of freaky, but I guess at least I have good dreams? Last night I guess I was mumbling something, he asked me what I was saying and I told him to 'be quiet and shut up' and rolled over. How do you like them apples! Don't mess with me man!
I have a trashy magazine here that Rochelle left ((( NOT PORN trashy as in US WEEKLY~ fockers)). These are hysterical! I can't believe that people actually buy these just to read about some celebrity that could or could not be dating, or could or could not be pregnant. I could give a rats ass what Jennifer Lopez is doing! I especially like the section in here titled "STARS, THEY'RE JUST LIKE US!" It has pictures of celebrities eating at resturants, taking out thegarbage.... I mean, oh my god - celebrities are human! Are people actually this nosey? I mean, yeah I get star struck from time to time and I like movies as much as the other girl but does it need to go this far?
Call me old fashioned but I'm more interested in stories like:
"WOMAN EATS OWN HEAD, LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT!" Now THAT'S good journalism!
I don't wanna go to bed. I wanna stay up and play!
I have to work tomorrow @ 7am- one more week at this job and on to the new one! Yay me!
Is it too much to ask to get a job that involves sleeping and watching tv all day?
Yes?
That's CRAP!
Love and Sloppy Kisses!
XoXoX
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| Girls suck. |
[27 Jul 2004|06:24pm] |
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confused |
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the postal service |
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Girls Suck. There I said it.
Why am I so fucked up? Seriously. I could do without all this crap right now. I'm whinny and moody and weepy.... freakin A'. Hormones suck. shite.
Why have all my friends predomenately been of the male persuasion my whole life? Guys are cool. So much easier to hang out with then girls. LOVE hanging out with the boys drinkin beer- so laxed. No backstabbing, no catty fights, no jealousy (maybe a little) no bullshit talks about "feelings." I've had 30 VERY close male friends in my life and maybe 5 female friends that I actually considered friends. I've been screwed over more than once by some dumb broad. Don't get me started on my guy friends- ALL of you have gotten burned. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I'm a chick- becase if I was a man I would be one sissy arsehole. I'd be gay, that would just make things more comlicated. Or maybe that would make things easier? *sigh* Deep thoughts by me. I just get so tired of being me sometimes. I am way too trusting of people- I'll let anyone in. I need to start being more careful with whom I trust. I stil can't figure out why she dicked you over so badly. I guess that's part of life? Please do us a favor and do NOT let one stupid chick shut you down, I trully believe that deep down inside everyone has a good heart. Even girls. I Love you braw.
Britney Spears is on tv right now - you'd think she could at least TRY and lipsynck (however you spell it) a little more believeable. I don't get it. I suppose she's a good entertainer, but with a body like that and props out the wazo000oooo I suppose anyone could get your attention. No? Maybe? ok.
Gotta go eat... be right back- DONT GO ANYWHERE!
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| because YOU said so... |
[25 Jul 2004|05:38pm] |
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Atmosphere |
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Ok? Here you go. Where do you get these anyways???
What is you opinion on:
Abortion: 100% pro-choice.
Death Penalty: Undecided.
Prostution: For, as long as it is between two CONSENTING adults. I do think it's kind of nasty, I mean, I personally wouldn't do it (BIG SHOCK) but it's their choice.
Alcohol: For.
Marijuana: Well, I don't smoke pot now, stopped when I was 16. I think the government should legalize it and tax the shit out of it. HA!
Other Drugs: Depends on what drugs your talking about.
Gay Marriage: FOR!!! If people love eachother there should be no reason why they shouldn't be allowed the right to be a family.
Illegal Immigrants: ????
Smoking: For. It's your lungs.
Drunk Driving: Definately AGAINST.
Cloning: Uhm.... didn't they clone a sheep once?
Racism: AGAINST!!! My Biggest pet peeve next to sexism.
Premarital Sex: For. It's your body, you know the risks, protect yourself.
Religion: I'm for it, but I was raised catholic so I'm kind of against organized religion. I think it's just another way to seperate people. Who are you to say that one religon is right and others aren't? Believe the way you want to believe.
The War in Iraq: Against.......
Bush: Idiot.
Downloading Music: For. I think it helps alot of smaller and more unknown bands get their name out there. seriously.
The Legal Drinking Age: AGAINST. Why is it that we can send an 18 year old boy off to die for "our country," but he can't have a beer? Come on now.
Porn: For, why not. On the whole I think Porn is cheesy. It makes me laugh. But if that's what floats your boat then go for it buddy!
Suicide: No comment.
***** Hope this makes you satisfied.
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| "I'm a love pirate, and I'm here for your booty! Arrrghh!" |
[25 Jul 2004|04:51pm] |
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~ Modest Mouse~ |
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Hi! I don't know why I keep this thing. It's all your fault Claire. I suppose it's easier to keep up with everyones lives since we are so spread out. I don't update it as often as I should. Why are all your journals "friends only?" Maybe that's what I shoould do?
Not that any actually reads this thing that I don't know about?
I'm really not that interesting.
I spoke with Jackie and they want to display some of my art at the eletric chair. I'm excited. I have to admit I'm a bit nervous tho. My art is so personal. I don't know...if I sold any I would be very grateful. I'll take pics and email all of you.
I got a new job, I start on Monday Aug 2nd. Goodbye commute! Goodbye waking up at 5am!! Goodbye stupid job! It's such a better position, same field, different work. Plus I'll be making about 1k more a month!! YAY!
Although honestly the money isn't that imortant to me, I'm more interested because I think I'll be happier there. Hopefully.
Going to some play at the globe tonight. Haven't caught a play in years. Probably becuase I get jealous-
I'm stupid.
Went out to Moondoggies in La Jolla last night for Michas birthday. It was cool until some stupid guys who weren't invited showed up and started a fight. We ALL got thrown out (there were about 50 of us in the private back room.). I still dont ' get why they were asses and threw us all out and not just the guys that were fighting. Who knows? I stepped outside with some guys and when I came back in the security had one guy in handcuffs and the other pinned on the ground and they were telling us all to leave. More could have gone on that I didn't know about I suppose? I probably needed to leave anyways I was tired and drunk and some guy threw up on my jacket. Ewwwwww. Why is it that one person always has to ruin it? I need better friends out here.
Off too do laundry (my fav) and on to Whole Foods Market!!!! Ya. I know your jealous.
Soooo.... Claire sent me a quiz. Don't know why you make me do these. I've done one before...it's not like you don't know something about me? But I will do it so I won't get annoying messages from you.
Actually... I won't do it. Just to piss you off.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it !!!!!!
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| I was named after a beatles album. |
[17 Jul 2004|10:51pm] |
Hi.
Well I sure forgot about this thing, eh? Yea.
Where to start.
I got in a car accident. My car is dead, I'm not dead- that's about all I have to be thankful for at this point.\
I am completely amazed at how the human brain works when something like this happens. It's like your entire body goes on auto pilot. I have no memory of the accident, I remember right before it happened and right after but I don't remember the car spinning or the air bags coming out. I was on my way to work at about 6:30 am- going through a green light when out of no where this hudge truck ran the red light. It was like slow motion and all I remember thinking was "shit." It happened too fast and I couldn't stop. Then I heard tires squealing, glass breaking...people screaming. Then I blacked out. Next thing I know I'm stopped, facing the wrong way, shattered glass all over me, air bags deflating, blood dripping off my head...... my radio was still playing..... wierd. I got out of the car and I couldn't stop shaking. Some people ran over and asked if I was ok. I couldn't speak. I just kept shaking. Then the ambulance came and kept asking me questions that I couldn't answer
Once I got to the hospital they figured out that I was in shock. Lovely. Turns out I had broken the drivers side window with my head and I had a gash running along the side, the airbag had broken my wrist and gave me two black eyes and I tore some ligaments and muscles in my back. I was in the hospital for 3 days for' observation. ' It's been a month since the accident. I still have a cast on my wrist (right hand) so I am typing with my left hand (sucks) and I have to go thru 3 months of physical therapy for my back. His insurance company is paying for my medical bills and giving me a settlement for pain and suffering, they also payed for my car, which was totalled. Everyone keeps telling me I should sue. Whatever. I just want it to be over. I just hope that the man learned his lesson and doesn't hurt anyone else- that's all that matters to me.
The police report says that the light was green for 30 seconds when the truck went thru it. They also tell me that if I had been going a second faster he would have ran right into the side of my car and ripped it in half and I would be dead. All because he didn't want to wait for the next light.
Fucker.
YEAH!
Why is it so damn hot?? If I wanted this I would have stayed in Phoenix.
I'm a grumpy old bag.
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| Howdy....doodie. |
[16 May 2004|01:18pm] |
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drained |
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TV |
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I know I have not updated in over a month- my computer got some kind of virus and I was too busy to get it fixed.
You would think that since I have not updated in so long I would have alot to say.... not the case.
I have been working 6 days a week, helping Isa plan for her wedding and staying out much too late for my own good. I am so worn out. I think if I laid down right now I could sleep for weeks. It would probably do me some good. I was out till 3am last night- today is my first day off in 11 days. My eyes are so bloodshot and my lungs hurt from breathing in all the smoke at the party I was at last night. I look like a train wreck, I feel like one too. I need a vacation.
A nice LONG vacation.
I'm still saving up for my trip to Europe this fall. I am very excited. The only thing that worries me is the fact that you all know I hate flying. I figure a couple valium and some alcomahol will do the trick but we will see. It is a long flight. I am hopeing I will knock myself out. Angie want's me to go to Australia with her but I would rather go to Europe. After all I am staying with family in Berlin that I have never met face to face. I am looking forward to tracing my roots with them. Luckily my cousin Braden is going with me who speaks fluent german, otherwise I would be screwed. I have no clue what anyone is saying. German sounds so funny to me- very gutteral like barking at people. Definately not a romance language. Although I would imagine that my accent is not pretty at all to them either.
I turn 25 in less than 2 weeks. I feel so old.
The twenties go way to fast.
I'm going to take a nap.....
Later.
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| My body is on fire. |
[08 Apr 2004|08:07pm] |
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mood |
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sore |
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music |
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Animal Planet |
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Owwwww am I sore. Holy Testicle Tuesday Batman!
I took a spin class tonight at the gym- I am convinced that the instructor was trying to kill me. It's only been 3 hours since I got home and I am already sore as a mofo. I can't wait to see what it will be like tomorrow. Oh god- what if I can't get out of my car!?!? It's not like I want to go to work anyhoo- I literally worked my ass off.
*looks to see that ass is still there*
Ah well- at least I can say I went BIG...... ya? *heavy heavy sarcasm here people* I Can't wait till the next class on Monday!!!!
I can definately see how you would get into really good shape taking those classes. I'm more used to the whole yoga, pilates, running thing..... Not 'bust your-ass-if-your-not-dead-then-your-not-trying' kind of class- YEEEEHAAAWWWWWW ride em' cowgirl!!!!
I got completely discusted by Dave today @ work. The guy never says ANYTHING and the one time he opens his mouth I wasnted to sock him in the face. It went something like this, Dan was reading the NY times online and says to me "15 troops died in Iraq yesturday," and then Dave says "So what, the world is over populated anyways!" What the fuck? I think for the first time in my life I was speechless. To make matters even worse Sandra's husband just got deployed last week to Iraq. I do not know how anyone could be that inhumane. He is offically FIRED!
So I'm watching animal planet right now.... and crying. They were showing a story about a little german shepard who was hit by a car, they tried to take it to the owners and they said she wasn't thier dog because they didn't want her anymore. Poor baby. I didn't start crying until they showed her with her new owners, a family with two little kids who were hugging and kissing her. Yeah- I know I'm a puss. If I were rich I would have so many pets it would be ridiculous. I would probably adopt every animal I saw. Speaking of pets, Indio (my cat) has completely clawed thru the sofa. I think he's trying to tunnel his way out of here. Little turd! I still refuse to get his claws removed- I think it's cruel.
My frog Ozzie died. I know how much you loved him Angie (just like you loved my lizard). beeeeotch.
Have you ever known someone who was so completely fake, told so many lies that over time they can't tell what is real and what's not? You know who I'm talking about.
I'm going to bed early.
Hasta.
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| Saturday night... |
[03 Apr 2004|09:01pm] |
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relaxed |
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Radio |
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I can't believe it's a Saturday night and I'm home.
Kind of like it.
I have come to the conclusion that I need to stop drinking. Ok.. just not drinking so much I suppose. I'm not an alcoholic by any means but I think it might be a good idea to cut back alittle. I can have fun without being drunk, right? RIGHT?
I went to LA on Thursday and stayed with Claire- she is doing well. She's not doing extra work as much anymore and has found a more steady job in an office. It's funny how she got into doing extra work in the first place...she doesn't want to be an actress. Most people are into that because they are trying to get their foot in the door and be 'discovered'. "super star!" Most everyone I meet in LA is an aspiring actor, our waiter, grocery clerk, mail man. It's kind of strange and sad, I want them all to make it, it's their dream. I remember in High School I was in Drama class but I never really wanted to be an actress. It was fun at the time. I remember doing a play one year and I completely forgot my lines. I only missed a few before I remembered them and I thought I did ok. Apparently our director didn't appreciate it however and yelled at me until I started crying. After that I was always the 'assistant director,' which basically means I read everyones lines in case they forgot them. I still think he was a little too hard on me. Jackhole. That was the end of my dream..... HA!
Los Angeles and San Diego are like night and day. I would never want to live there but visiting is nice. It's just too different. It still freaks me out to see her on TV or in a movie. I don't like it. hah aha - weird, I know. I guess because I think of movies as a fantasy world and to see someone you know just breaks the bubble...
We went bar hopping as usual. Went to some place on Sunset called the 'saddle ranch' they have a mechanical bull inside. Very odd concept. I must have seen 30 people get thrown off that thing. It looked like it hurt! There was no way in hell I was getting up there in front of all those people. But I convinced Claire to get on it! She lasted longer than anyone only to get thrown off and land on her face, hard. ouch! I was laughing so hard I spilled my drink all over myself. Karma?
She convinced me to get in a cab and go to some party in the hills. Some producer/actor/ writer type. No clue who he was. Very smoky house, lots of drugs, lots of people. I spent my night sitting on the porch. Exciting.
It's good to be home.
I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately. Refreshing, yes, but annoying at the same time. *sigh*
What am I looking for?
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| It said... |
[03 Apr 2004|05:34pm] |
Your a delicate vision of beauty
You live as if a thousand eyes are watching
Like a whisper in a storm you leave
Behind the wind like a shadow
Crush the sky beneath
The sweet void of eternity
Eating at her life
Take this dream away.
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| hmmmm |
[27 Mar 2004|08:55pm] |
 Here's the pic andrew took- link finally works... odd- eh?
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| Mediocre |
[27 Mar 2004|06:01pm] |
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blah |
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silence |
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Hi.
Man am I in a bad mood....could be the fact that my life has been one big soap opera lately. Or could be the fact that I only got 3 1/2 hours of sleep last night? Either way I am not feeling too good right now.
I tried to lay down and rest but to no avail. It's worthless. It's an awful feeling being exhausted but not being able to sleep. Almost sick. Mediocre. <- told ya!
Saw 'Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind' on thursday. Total mind fuck. I would have to say it is easily the best movie I have seen this year. Amiee feel asleep during the movie...I don't how she could have. I loved every minute of it. Guess you can't please everyone? Damn it.
Mexico was fun. Although I don't think at my age I can do things like that too often- I'm STILL recoperating. The trip was almost two weeks ago. I feel like an old bag. I'm- 24 going on 50. My body cant handle the craziness anymore. How sad.
I honestly don't know what's going on with me lately- I'm very much not myself at all.
I don't really know how to put my finger on it, don't know how or when I started to feel this way. Lately I feel like I am someone else inside this body. Can't explain it. It's very trippy. I need to figure out how to get out of this funk that I'm in. If that's what it is?
I'm unhappy with my job, relationship, money situation....pretty much every damn thing lately. Ya- my life sucks right now blah blah blah..... whatever.
I'm tired of being tired.
I need a change.
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| Spring Break |
[14 Mar 2004|01:54pm] |
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energetic |
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Weezer |
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I'm so excited about leaving for Mexico today!! yay! I wish you could have come Claire- but you have to do what is best for you. I will bring you back some tan lines! Oh yous knows it! See you Wednsday!
Wish me luck!!!
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| Make it santori time... |
[06 Mar 2004|02:17pm] |
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The TV on some infomercial |
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Hello!
Well last night was a whole lot of fun...
Do you ever have one of those nights where you wake up and slowly as the memory of the night before starts to catch up to you all you can says is "oh crap." Lat night was one of those....
I started by meeting everyone from work for happy hour at Karl Straus- which started off innocently enough....but four shots of tequila and five beers later it was a whole different story. I'm usually not the one who gets plastered and makes a fool of myself but for some reason I just could not say no to the many drinks that were sent my way. Good lawd! I was toasted beyond belief. I actually don't want to write about all the things I said to people but lets just say that alcohol has a certain 'truth cerium' about it that makes me just spill my guts to whomever will listen. Crap- I'm going to be doing the 'walk of shame' thru the office on Monday. hah aha.
At about 8:30 four of us decided that we wanted to go eat in the gaslamp so we walked what seemed like 10 blocks to The Bitter End.
By the time we had walked from the restaurant back to our cars we had sobered up quite a bit so we decided to head over to Pacific Beach to get some more drinks so we ended up driving to Moon Doggies. Luckily Amy knows the door man so we didn't have to wait in line. I must say that the rest of the night is a blur. I can remember little things but for some reason a lot of my memory is blacked out. That's kind of freaky. Just a little. To make a long story short I woke up at Angie's this morning with no shoes and for the life of me I cannot remember what happened to them. I don't remember taking them off at any point but we looked everywhere. Did someone actually jack my freaking shoes? I cannot remember anything. I don't even remember getting home last night. Great.
Good times. Good times.
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| Martha Stewart: The criminal. |
[05 Mar 2004|01:54pm] |
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giddy |
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music |
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Modest Mouse ~ dramamine |
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I think Martha Stewart is the Anti-Christ.
That's about all I have to say about that.
Eh.
The days that I don't work I am one lazy broad. I woke up today @ 9am (which is late for me as you know) took a shower - and have been laying around in my bath robe all day. What's the point in getting dressed eh? I feel like Hugh Heffner or something? I'm not a 65 year old man of course, but the guy wears a robe 24/7. Does the guy have any normal clothes? Hmm mm. Deep thoughts. My friend George 'supposedly' went to a paty at the playboy mansion last year- we all know he's a liar, and a BAD one at that. . It's all he talks about now and we just have to grin and bare it. It's funny how over time the story becomes more outrageous and somehow the simple facts of it change. I wonder if he knows that he changes the story every time he tells it or if he really thinks he's fooled us? Either way- poor guy.
Amy and I went and saw Euro-trip last night. Pretty funny. I have to say that I saw more old fat man penises in that movie than I think most people are exposed to, or should be exposed to for that matte,r in their life. yikes! That movie was pretty funny overall but there were some parts that just went too far or were just flat out dumb. But all in all it was what I expected: obnoxious, ridiculously stupid and funny . There were 3 older gentlemen sitting behind us and one of them had this obnoxious LOUD laugh that was like "HO HO HO HO" sounded like a deranged Santa Claus. I think most of the time we were laughing at his laugh rather than the movie. It was horrible. Good times, good times.
Daytime TV really sucks. I need to get cable but I am always either forgetting to call them or I think that I don't need it. I'm really never home enough to actually watch TV but this antenna TV is killing me. We have satellite TV at work so at lunch I am always spread out on the couch hypnotized by the glory of it. Right now I could use a good cheesy made for TV movie. ya!
I have absolutely nothing to do today and I love it. I have to meet everyone downtown for drinks at 5 but other than that - nothing at all.
I wish everyday could be like this.
See you all tonight.
XoXo
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| Rain is rad! |
[26 Feb 2004|08:00pm] |
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mood |
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silly |
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music |
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Fun lovin' criminals |
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ya dude totally bra- fer sure! hahahaha I crack myself up.
Ok ok I knew I shouldn't have drank those red bulllllsssss I'm freakin wound up on sugar. ya ya ya ya YA!
It rained today! It rained a shit load. I love rain. It never rains here.
Except that I have to park and walk 4 blocks to work in the rain. Except that I stepped in a huge puddle and my vans were full of water. Except that all day long my foot was all squishy in my shoe. I finally took off my shoes and walked around the office in my socks- I love that I can do that where I work. Poor shoe. My poor baby.
I love working downtown. I love that I work on the 12th floor, love that I can see Coronado from my window. It's so purdy. I do not like my actual 'work' however. But I can't complain too much (actually I can but I won't ) I have no degree and I'm making almost 30K a year. Not bad. Then again for what I pay for rent here I could be owning a home back home. That's just sad.
I remember this time last year I worked at Nordstroms in Fashion Valley. *puke*
"This job wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the customers." I can still hear Sara saying that and she was right. damn it. Rich bitchy old women really get under my skin. I probably wouldn't mind them so much if they gave me some money.....Naw who am I kidding I would still hate them. Ya FOCKERS!
I'm feeling very 'emo' today.
I think I'm off my sugar high. Damn the man!!
Don't just do something stand there.
I'm out.
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| To be young and stupid |
[24 Feb 2004|12:21am] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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The Sunday's ~blind |
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Nighttime is my favorite time. I have always been a night owl. I love this time of night when most of the world is asleep and it's calm. I can hear the rain on the roof. It's peaceful and quiet. My cat is curled up keeping my feet warm.
I am not going to work tomorrow. I'm going to play hookie. heeheehee
I know what your thinking.
I miss the days when I was young and stupid. Ok, maybe not young and stupid? Yep- definitely stupid.
All I cared about was if a guy liked me or how I could trick my parents into letting me stay out late. I was 14 getting stoned in my friends car before school. Watching the clock in study hall waiting for the bell to ring so I could be free. Life was so simple then.
Although, when I think about it at the time, I was in the middle of hell. Little things that happened that I thought meant the end of the world. Man was it hard to be a teenager. Always trying to fit in, be cool, be the most attractive most talented.
I'll never forget the summer of 96' right before my senior year in high school. To this day that summer will remain forever in my memory till I die. I had been in love with one boy for 2 years- totally infatuated. He was the Captain of the basketball team, valedictorian of his class- but also ran with the 'bad boys.' He was 6.2" with black hair and electric blue eyes, when he looked at my heart beat so fast. He was by far the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I don't think I have ever had a crush on anyone that hard in my life. Not even with Jack.
That summer he invited me to a party at his house and finally confessed to me that he liked me. I remember that night he tried to kiss me but I was so nervous I stood up and ran away. What a tool.
Anyway- to make the long story short- we dated for months and months and I was as happy as I have ever been. We talked for hours on the phone each night, spent time between classes cuddling in the hallway. Sometimes he would sneak into my bedroom at night to be with me and leave early before my parents awoke. I had been kissed before but nothing like the way he kissed me, he was my first 'real' kiss. I was in love with everything about him. He respected me, made me laugh, held me under the stars and told me he loved me. He was my first love. The first boy I fell completely and totally head over feet in LOVE with.
One day my friend Amanda tells me that she heard him telling all his friends that he was only with me to get in my pants and that said that he tried to get with her while I was to of town.
I was heartbroken. I never spoke to him again.
He never tried to speak to me.
It wasn't until last year, 6 years later, that I ran into him at a New Years party that he actually asked me why I cheated on him when we were together. I was in total disbelief! Turns out that my 'friend' Amanda told him that I had cheated on him with some guy at a party and told me that he had spread those rumors and tried to cheat on me. Then he goes on to tell me that Amanda had actually tried to hook up with him at a party but he pushed her away. Girls suck. How stupid was I to believe her?
He begged me to kiss him that night, told me he had been thinking of me ever since, that he never stopped thinking of me that he had never met anyone like me. Part of me wanted to give into him so badly, but I could never betray Jack that way. I would NEVER cheat on Jack let alone anyone else. I could never live with myself if I had cheated.
I don't think I will ever get over him- or the awful thing Amanda did to break us apart.
You know- the 16 year old in me is probably wanting to kick my ass right now for not kissing him....
Ah- to be young and stupid.
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| Rock the Casbah |
[21 Feb 2004|06:38pm] |
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mood |
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devious |
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music |
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The Smiths |
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Saturday! It's Saturday N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-iiiiiiiiighttttt!!!! woohoo! woohoo! No work tomorrow get to sleep in all day!! yay me! I think tomorrow I will hang out all day in my pj's- yes yes yes. I worked a half day at the office today- wasn't so bad considering I got off @ noon. Then I went to the antique store and bought a new coffee table for the living room. I love it. I was glad to get rid of the old one with the broken leg. I've had that thing forever. As luck would have it they were having a sale- thank god! Then I went to flashbacks and picked up some vintage t-shirts. Got one with with huggy bear on it that I absolutely love. I also got some super fly jeans and some new red shoes. I needed them so bad- I hate all the clothes I have. I get so bored with the clothes I have it makes me crazy. Got my hair retouched- got a manacure.... then came home put on my track suit and layed on the couch watching movies till Jack came home. I must have watched 3 movies today?? I watched Snatch, The Bourne Identity and Grosse Point Blank- I love John Cusack. I was going to watch Fight Club as well but I got too burned out. Then Jack came home and we ate dinner. He just left- I think he and his friends are going to play poker at the casino or something? I think.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I'm going to a show tonight @ The Casbah. Should be a good one. Casbah is an awesome venue to see bands- small, underground, intimate. The people there are usually cool as well- except for the time I went there and some girl on estacy thought I was 'looking at her funny' and started yelling in my face. Ah- good times good times.
Hopefully she won't be there this time. Cunt rag. Pardon me!
I'm going with Roxie and Amie and they usually force me to get hammered with them. I really don't feel like getting drunk tonight. I would rather enjoy the evening with a clear head. I can watch everyone else get livid and make fools of themselves. People watching is always a good past time, especialy down town. I think after the show we will probably head down to E street - if any of you would like to join us give me a call on my cell.
HEY YOU! Remember your camera this time. CAMERA CAMERA CAMERA. Last time I was at a show I was pissed that I didn't have it with me.
Love you much.
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