Beautiful Child of Chaos' Blurty
 
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Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in Beautiful Child of Chaos' Blurty:

    Wednesday, December 24th, 2003
    9:32 pm
    Christmas
    Christmas is tomorrow I'm so ready HAHA not I hate holidays having to see my family se3e i am the black sheep of my family the out cast the one that doesn't quite fit in the differnt one i hate being differnt sometimes it be so much easier just to be lilke my perfected blonde cousensblah
    Friday, December 19th, 2003
    1:16 pm
    Just another day
    Just another day with nothing to do I can't belive my life is going by so fast and i have done nothing it fucking sucks i don't know what i am bitching about i mean there are people out there that lives suck so much worse i just can't think about it anymore i so sick and tired of being educated i mean i want to just be ignorant i would be so much happier if i was just stupid blind to the world around me but no i have been raped by society and forced in to a state of angry and depression between my life and my friends and my family i might as well just get run away but thats what weak people do right they run from there problems well news flash to all you people i am weak saying shit and sticking up for yourself not needing to use or do stupid shit or having no emotion expect angry doesn't make you strong it makes you nom i am not strong i am nom from the world i feel nothing butn hate and pitty and not really pitty anymore and i let HIM get to me i let him break my heart and what weak thing to do i fucking hate this world i hate the next world i hate people and i want to just run away to another place be someone else be normal blind have no memeerioes of this life i want to like pop music and think that its real music i want to just agree with what ever is on mtv and i want to were pink have normal hair i want to fall in love with hot guys on tv i want to have normal social skills i want to be a fucking teeny bopper with no brain i want to be rich i want to know thing i don't want to know what it's like to be poor or to struggle i don't want to know that everything all around is falling apart that nothing is right and that the world is coming to an end i don't want to enjoy chaos and i don't want to know what true love or true pain feels like i don't want to enjoy pain nor do i want to know what its like not to feel pain anymore i don't want to know how to cry and i want nothing to cry over i want everything to be like it was when i was little but it was the same then to i was an outcast of society from a very young age i always have had my own opinons and its always gotten me into trouble i don't know how not to stand up after getting punched and i don't know how not to care when someone hurts me i don't know how not to care for others or how to care only for myself and i don't know how to be myself i don't know who or what i am all i know is that i'm differnt i have my own opinions that i formed through living through shit some people haven't i know what it is like to sleep outside i know what its like not to have new cloths when ever i want i know what it is like to be afraid to go home i know the bitter winter and the hot summers i know the what the rain feels like when you lay in the grass durning a strom i know what it's like to watch your friends dying around you and have nothing you can do i know what its like to see surving you can't help and pain you don't want to feel and i know what it's all like and yet i'm still so fucking stupid because i don't know how to let it go i need the answer to question i haven't even thought of yet and i need the truth whatever that might be i don't care if i'm a bitch you would be to fall in love is a weakness and i don't need another one i have so many already you all might not see me for what i am but i can see right through me and the one boy that did see through me didn't see anything at all when will i find someone that can understand me can be there when i'm said and let me go when i'm angry when will someone see the little girl and the grown women in side when will someone be able to see all of me and not just one part or another there more to me then you all see there more to me then you will all ever know there depths where my soul is as black as oil and as shallow as something thats shallow i don't know anymore where i was going with this god i just want to run away to some where else and be someone else alone with me and my tv infuck thats shit i want no tv just a shit load of bands that will jsut play 24/7 so i can mosh it would be GREAT oh and my ex would be my sex slave i have a plan wait i forgot thhe wiskey and beer it would be a great live
    Thursday, December 18th, 2003
    9:09 pm
    LOL
    my last final is tomorrow i going to fail i know this it doesn't matter any way all i want to do for the next few years is live out of a car not be homeless but just live life a little go place do things see people met knew people all i want to do is go to shows drink go to other countrys drink and have fun i am only going to live once or at the least remember it once i want to live this life to the fullest and if that means being poor well i grow up poor might as well die poor no need for money anyway it just makes you weak and stupid if you have to much of it i want to fix the world fuck that i just want to fix the communty around me fuck the world fuck everything even me no one is to good to be poor no one is better then me and i'm not better then anyone and i'm sick and tired of people thinking they are and judge me with out even knowing me everyone likes to assume shit like i'm rich or i'm not a real punk because of whatever reason well fuck all you for one i never said i was a punk i said i liked punk music and a agree with something that the punks i know agree with but i'm differntly not a punk and as for money and i don't fucking have money i don't even have a computer i use my friends and the ones at my college and i have final aid for that so before you all start to judge me and assume and bunch of shit that isn't true get to know me or safe me the trouble and just leave me the fuck alone because chance are i won't want to be your friend because you will be to closed minded because even though i have opinions and i don't back down it doesn't mean that i don't listen to other peoples points of view and take it in because i do and i listen as much as i talk and i only stand up for what i belive in so if you have problem with the fact that i'm up front and honest and don't take your shit well they you aren't ever punk at all and having the ablity to mak eyou doesn't make me a bad person the fact that you pushed me to the point where i had to show you that ablity makes you a bad person i take care of me i stick by me and i stick by my friends and exs yes even the ones that have fucked me over many times because i'm a good person i'm not miss porm queen or cherleader matreal and yes i can be a bitch and yes i can be the most fucked up person you will ever met and you will never understand whats in my head because i don't even understand whats in my head but it doesn't make me horrible
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