Chicken Cake's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Chicken Cake

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I miss singing [29 Jul 2004|03:34am]
[ mood | determined ]
[ music | Dave Matthews Band-pig ]

It's like 5am. And I have been up for hours just....listening to music. It just occured to me that I haven't done that in a whole year. ::sigh:: music. You know I have so many dreams but I feel like I let go of the one that mattered the most to me. Performing music. It kind of went with my piano and when all the shit hit the 3 years ago, although I still had my choirs to go to.

But as soon as I went to college, no more choir. I need this. Some how, to be in my life. I got really depressed this past year and I think a lot of it may have had to do with the fact that I had no music.....anything. I was hardley listening to any music. I have a mandolin my dad gave me for christmas. I love it, and it's pretty but....yeah. I love bluegrass and I love irish music but I think I have decided that if I were to perform, that wouldn't be the type of music I would play, because I can't dance to it.

I have come to the conclusion that the best music I own is the music that makes me dance in public (which I never do). So that's the type of music I want to make. I know that I love make up and I know that I am good at making bloody wounds on people's heads with my great make up skills.....but there's something that music does for me that nothing else will. I want to make music. And I'm going to. I just have to figure how to play this damn mandolin, then I have to be creative and take it out of it's typical music category. Hey, the violin used to be just a classical instrument, so whay not do that with more instruments?

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I love Dave Matthews Band and I don't care what you think [27 Jul 2004|02:43pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]
[ music | Ants Marching--DMB ]

I went to my first Dave Matthews Band concert on Friday. It was the best show I have ever been to. When I first met Charlie (my best friend in the whole world. Oh right, he's my boyfriend to) he told me that he pretty much just listened to Dave Matthews and I was like "oh". I mean I didn't hate Dave Matthews, in fact some of his songs I had heard on the radio I really liked. As my lovely boyfriend started to indroduce me to more of their music I started to like them more and I thought that they were a rather good band. Most of my friends were like "you just like them because your boyfriend does", I mean I did start listening to them more becuase of my boyfriend, but yes, I think apart of me liked them because he did.

When I would be away from Charlie and hear Dave Matthews on the radio, I would be like " swoon...this reminds me of the boy I love". But now, since I've been to that concert, no offense Charlie, but I dont think of you when I listen to them anymore.

The same thing happened with another boy I dated. He introduced me to the whole undergorund world of hip hop that I never knew existed, and I totally fell in love with it. I fell in love so much with Atmosphere I now have the title of one of their songs tatood on my foot. And when I listen to all of the hip hop music I have aquired myself, I don't think of that one boy I dated, no offense to you.

Listening to all of this music that I didn't know existed has made me realize that I can play my mandolin and it doesn't HAVE to be for bluegrass music, although I love bluegrass. If I wanted to apply the mandolin to rock music, I know that I could do it, I just have to learn how to play it first.

So anywho, this concert I went to. It was so amazing. We danced the entire time and got rained on, but it was so worth it. The people there were amazing. Everyone was so into it and there were so many people there. I can't wait to blast every DMB song I have in the car. I can't wait learn the words to every song. I can't wait to discover this amazing band.

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My friends who rock [11 Jul 2004|11:17am]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | food network ]

I have a friendship bracelet. So do Carley and L.C. We really should label our selves as a small society of strange girls. I've never met other girls like us before....we're different, and odd. Last night we went to this drive in movie thing in spottsylvania except that it wasn't a drive in, it was more like a bring your own blanket/picnic happiness type deal. We saw 'Cheaper by the Dozen' which was very cute and we had a superb picnic. Carley drove me home and we blasted No Doubt, and while screaming along with the lyrical stylings of Gwen Stefani I am pretty sure I ingested a bug.

This past year away from home has been very difficult and I was depressed a lot. I was afraid I didn't have any friends at home or school (I still don't know about school) but as for home it was hard getting back into the swing of things. I usually had a routine and I always hung out with the same people, but that didn't work out because they are never there. I mean I havent seen them for 2 weeks some of them 3 because.... I don't even know why, which makes me sad :( . But as for L.C. and Carley....I fit in with them. I can truly be myself with them and I can't with my other friends from home. I can talk about what I want and it's normal. I love them.:)

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Stupid Survey [11 Jul 2004|01:01am]
Full name: Kelly Diane Sproesser
Do you like it?: Well, the Kelly part I think I am used to, but Sproesser? I mean come on, who can say that right?
Nicknames: Kelicanpelican, Kelican, Kel, Kelser, Kel, Kel-Kel, Pan-tot.
If you could change your first name, what would it be?: Sanorah.... just a random spur of the moment choice
DOB: August 10th, 1985
Height: 5'5
Hair color: You know, I'm not really sure. This year so far it's been-purple,blue,green,black,florecent orange
Eye color: blue or green or hazel, something like that
Where do you live?: Dumfries VA, but i go to school in Radford VA. (Radford University, oh yeah baby!!!!)
Do you like it there?: Dumfries sucks, but Radford is great
Why/Why not: Dumfries-eww, Radford-can we say party school?
Where were you born?: Woodbridge VA (like 6 whole miles from dumfries, gag)
Astrological sign: Leo.
Shoe Size: 9
School: Radford University
[ Family ]
Parents names: Mike and Marcia
Do you have any siblings?: why yes I do.
If so, what are their names and ages?: Julie is 23 and Katie is 15. That's right, i'm the middle(weirdo) kid.
Are your parents divorced/remarried/single?: umm...yes?
Pets: No, they smell funny.
Do you like your family: yes, i love my disfunction.
Favorite relative: I have a pretty kewl family, I dont know if i can pick one.
[ Favorites ]
Car: one that runs?
Color: all of them are nice
Season: fall
Holiday: totally halloween
Month: November....thanksgiving yo!
Day of the week: The one that doesnt end d-a-y......get it?! hahaha...i like entertaining myself
Class: Stage Make Up....duh!
Teacher so far: My sociology teacher, Dr. Shifflett. She really opened my eyes to politics and everything that I didn't know was happening in the world.
Drink: Oh wow, either Stuart's orange 'n cream, milk, or chai.
Candy: CHOCOLATE!!!!
Food: well... i'll pretty much eat anything. But i really love anything eccentric....non american....mm yum.
Fruit: strawberries
Veggie: spinach
Dessert: creme brulee (i cant speel that) from this cute french place in DC
TV show: Law and Order (lately it's been SVU), Will & Grace, and anything on the food network
CD: Comedy central presents-Kevin James, Deja Entendu by Brand New, and random Atmosphere mix.
Song: Failure By Design- by Brand New
Phrase: You smell like chicken.---that's purely me.
Creature: hippogriffs.....you would only know that if....yeah...mwahahaha
Clothing store: I'm all about walmart
Ice cream: Mint chocolate chip or banana or cake batter or strawberry chocolate chip (with no strawberry chunks)
[ this or that ]
Me/You: well me of course!
CD/Cassette: CD
DVD/VCR: DVD cuz it has all that extra stuff on it
Radio/CD: CD
Jeans/Khakis: I'm a jeans girl...khakis are to...nice or something
Car/Truck: car
Corvette/Camero: yeah whatever
Strong/Weak: ummm yes?
Upset/Pissed: pissed....upset sounds to sweet.
Tall/Short: tall, well not me. But i like tall.
Lunch/Dinner: lunch
Christina/Britney: mmm, gross and grosser.
Love/Lust: mwahahaha!!!!
Inside/Outside: i like the screened in porch...so technically it's both.
Silver/Gold: silver
Piercings/Tattoos: yes!
Football/Basketball: hockey
Thunder/Lightning: oooh....lightning, cuz you can take pictures
This/That: chicken
[ Friends ]
Do you get along with people easily?: I suppose
Why/Why not: i am neato and i make funny noises
Who have you known the longest?: Carley
Best Friends: Charlie
Who do you dislike the most?: i dont really dislike many people
If you could kill >ONE< friend, who would it be and why?: i dont like killing people it makes me sad
[ Past ]
If you could take back one thing you did, what would it be and why?: Trying to convert one of my boyfriends to catholicism when I use to believe in god.
Do you have any regrets?: mmmm.... not today.
Last thing you said: today?
Last song you heard: something by Alkaline Trio
Last person you talked to: Carley
[ Present ]
What are you doing right now?: watching some plastic surgery show and doing this stupid survey
What CD is in your CD player?: the postal service
Are you cold?: a little
How are you sitting?: on my bed with my legs sticking out
Is there music on?: no, tv show
What time is it?: 1:48am
Where are your parents?: alseep i think
[ Future ]
How old will you be when you graduate University?: 21 i think
Are you going to get married?: not today
Are you going to have children?: hmmmm..... maaaaaaaybe, if i make enough money and all that
If yes, how many?: either 2 or 4 so no one gets left out like the reject middle kid (yeah that's me)
What kind of car will you want to drive: something that hovers
What kind of job will you have: Special Effects Make Up designer/artist i hope.
What's your expectations for when your 25?: to be a make up artist....
[ Have you ever ]
Drank: did i mention that i go to radford university?
Smoked: ummm yeaaaaahhh
Skinny Dipped: nope
Prank called the police: i might have....i dont remember
Been followed, etc. by the police: ummm yes?
Met someone off the net: yup
Been in a fist fight: yeah, stupid neighbors
Punched your sibling/parent: hahaha right in the stomach
Wished you'd die: sometimes
Broken a bone: nope
Driven illegally: just in a parking lot
Thrown things at your parents: probably
Run away: nope
Filled out a survey this long: nope
[ Others ]
Do you write in cursive or print?: a mixture of both
Are you a lefty, righty, or ambidextrous: mostly righty but if i broke my hand i would be ok writing with the left
Do you believe in God?: not today
What do you think of rainbows?: pretty!
Do you have any piercing/tattoos?: yes. On the top of my right foot it says "god loves ugly" it's a song and phrase i love.
If not, do you want any? where?: yes i want more!
If you could live anywhere else, where would you live?: Canada....or switzerland
Do you drive?: yup
Do you have braces or glasses?: glasses
Like milk and cookies?: who doesnt like milk? cookies are ok i guess
What are you thinking now?: there's something sticky in between my index and middle finger and they keep sticking together
Ever worn black nail polish?: yes
Do you do things even when your parents say no?: yeah
Ever taken anything from a hotel?: yup
Do you think this is stupidly long? mmm sure
Did you like it?: i could
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wqkuhvailsu [05 Jul 2004|06:24pm]
I seem like I always have a lot to do. I mean, I have all of these books I want to read and a website I want to make and make up designs for movies I want to make and a room I want to decorate, but when I am home by myself, I never seem to do any of them. Why is that? I don't understand why I can't just be alone... Well, I like to be alone. But I wish I could just be alone for a few days by myself and be ok, and teach myself the things I want to learn and so on. I dunno. As for now, I am exahausted and I need a nap.
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this is why i am weird [03 Jul 2004|12:57am]
[ mood | chipper ]

I am a weirdo. I have satellite cable, and what do I choose to watch at 1 am on a weekend? Nothing other than....Creatures of the deep blue. That's right, I am watching a tv show about fish. But let me tell ya, those fish, they are some wierd ass creatures. It's not just like tuna and salmon I'm talking about, it's like starfish bigger than your bed and sea anenome (however the hell you spell that). I mean, where do their brains go? It's not like they have heads. Amazing these creatures. Just incredible.

At least I am not the only weirdest person in the world, because 1776 has to be the oddest musical I have ever seen in my life. Not that I got to watch it all, but bursting into song on the middle of a congressional meeting just seems awkward...even in the musical world. Gweneth Paltrow's mom is in the movie version of '1776'.

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"When we're talking about war, we're really talking about peace" [30 Jun 2004|10:07pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | CNN ]

What?!?!?! Who says that? No. Peace NEVER equeals war. For all of those people who responded to my other entry about war.... cheers, but still, who says that? Oh right, our president. Thankgod we gave them their counrty back, because we never should have dealed with it in the first place. Think about it, our country is based on Christian values and because of these values we feel that we are more important than anyone. What gives us, the U.S., the right to go over to a country with DIFFERENT BELIEFS and decide that they are wrong about everything.

I am aware that people were suffering over there, but did anyone think that, that may have been the way GOD inteneded it to be? I mean, hey, according to our handy-dandy bible, the creator and father almighty kills people all the time and no one knows why. Maybe, according to their religion, they were doing everything the right way and then we come along and say "nope, sorry, you aren't living life the christian way and therefore we are taking over". I suppose I can respect the fact that other people are trying to spread the word of what they feel should be heard, but....why must their be pain involved.

So many people have been killed in this war, yes, even Americans. But one thing I don't get is when people WANT to be in the arny and then get upset when they have to go to war. Army (n.) A large body of people organized and trained for land warfare. Sooooo, if you are going to sign up for the army, the purpose fo your job is to fight.

And one more thing. For those Christian families who seem to worship regularly and support what they believe in, how can you send your loved ones to KILL other people? Where's the love in that?

A great man once said (Jesus), "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.'But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles". (Mat.5:33-41).

Someone told me that 'they' bombed us in the first place because they wanted what Americans have. If that is the case, and we did turn the other cheek, then we would be totally degraded. I think I am going to relate this war to a fight in middle school. Middle school fights are stupid right? Why not go to peer mediation to get help and work it out? Ok, why can't the world work the same way?

Another person said to me "what if your sister was being held at gun point. You would do whatever it takes to protect from being shot. Right?" But how can you treat a war like your sister. And thos einnocent people...Americans have killed them in this war as well. I don't know if deliberate of by accident, but we have. And that going to war over oil thing? The oil we have in the U.S. wouldn't make as big of a profit as the oil in the middle east would. Might as well go for the one with more money right? Bush was in the oil business, why woulnd't he want to go for the big oil? ::sigh:: This war makes me go grrr.

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I'm getting there [26 Jun 2004|07:00pm]
[ mood | good ]
[ music | law & order theme song ]

Attempting to be myself again with out caring about what people think of me:
-I am a big Buffy fan.
-I love Hanson...still.
-I have a tatoo on my foot that says "god loves ugly" in honor of my favortie phrase and the lyrical stylings of Slug.
-My grass is blue.
-I like having spikey hair.
-Witches and vampires are cool.
-I dance in my underwear to Atmosphere.
-I sing in the shower....when no one is home.
-Goonies never say die.
-I like cigarettes.
-Kissing is fun.

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You'll never be as great as Jesus, so why are you still praying? [20 Jun 2004|01:53am]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | tv ]

I have talked to everyone I know about God. I ask the same question over and over..."How do you just have faith?" But people always respond the same "You don't just get faith, it's something you work at". Like I didn't work at it or something, like I haven't had faith before. If you didn't know me in my better Catholic days, then I will tell you now that I was a very devote and faithful Catholic. Because of my strong faith, nothing could destroy me and I knew God would always love me no matter what happened. But then...yeah.

People try to explain to me that they don't understand how I just can't have faith when, they themselves work hard at it. Many people have told me just to give God a chance. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO GIVE GOD A CHANCE IF THERE ISN'T ONE?????? I can't just like pretend to pray because I will be um like...pretending. And so many people have also said that if I look I will never find the answers, well if they want me to find God then how am I supposed to find him if i don't look? It's like they just expect me to come over to thier "side" one day. Yeah right.

So let me get this straight, once upon a time there was this dude who has always existed and was never created decided to make planet Earth (with some galaxies and stars on the side). Then he said he would give us free will to do whatever we wanted but also said he had a plan. UM HELLOOOO!!!!! THAT IS A TOTAL CONTRADICTION!!!!!!! You can't have a plan and the freedom of choice at the same time. Oh wait, but God just sets us on the right path? What? What the fuck is that he still has your whole future planned which means THAT HE IS MAKING ALL OF YOUR CHOICES FOR YOU AND YOU ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING ON YOUR OWN!!!!!

Another thing is......many christians I know are like "evolution is wrong, I have no time to listen to your theory, God created me, the end." They say that there are so many holes in evolution....HOW ABOUT ALL OF THE FUCKING HOLES IN GOD!!!!!!!! WHERE IS THE EVIDENCE!!!!! Oh yeah , I forgot... we are just supposed to believe in God with out understanding anything about him or having any concrete evidence. That is so just as unconvincing as evolution.

One thing that might have pissed me off more than anything. I try to talk to people about how I hate being degraded by other people and then I tell them this story: I help set up a concert for this guy named Derek Webb sometime frist semester. Christian singer, awesome performer, great songs. And then he starts to talk about how we are hideous sinners and we can't control our sinning and we will always be sinner and that we will never be good enough for Jesus Christ.....but for kicks keep praying anyway. WTF!?!! He totally ruined my night. So, after I told alot of my christian friends that they were like "well actually he was right, we will never be good enough for jese christ". That makes me never want to be a christian and it also makes me think that being christian is a waste of time that will do nothing but degrade me and make me feel like I will never match up to anything. If I die and go to heaven and God says "you can only join heaven if you believe that you will never be as good as me or my son" I would be like "no way, fuck that" Cuz I would never let someone tear me down on purpose.

Does anyone understand anything I am feeling now that I have ranted?

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Not to hot [11 Jun 2004|08:38am]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | silence ]

I got home from Maymester last Saturday. I haven't really done anything eventful since then. I have been looking for a job and reading. I have a bad cold to. There are so many things on my mind that I don't wanna write about, but they are just like floating there.

One of my Camerata friends died in a car accident yesterday. I cried. Her screen name has been online for exactly 49 minuntes as of right now and I am very disturbed about it. I wonder who's using it. I am afraid to go to the services, funeral freak me out so much.

My boyfriend won't e-mail me back, and that makes me really sad especially when I need someone to talk to and there is no one to talk to. I haven't talked to him since Tuesday, and he usually gets online at night. I stayed on aim last night and left an away message up in hopes that I would get a message from him, but I didn't. ::sigh:: I dunno.

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If this offends you, I don't give a shit. [27 May 2004|01:09pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | Atmosphere: Sound is Vibration ]

I remember how upset I was when I found out about all of that September 11th stuff (planes crashing into buildings and stuff). I couldn't quite fathom why someone would just want to crash a plane into buildings full of people they had never even met. I remember asking people why these people did this and all I can remember them saying is "I dunno...they just don't like us for some odd reason". Some odd reason!?!?!

In the past few years I have had a hard time considering myself a smart person. I think I can finally say that I am smart. In my opinion, when you want to learn about everything you can more than anything, this makes you smart in some aspect, just that you are ready to learn and accept anything. I am smart. This is a big step for me. I think I realized this today in class. This war that we are in and why those guys crashed planes into our buildings: We brought it upon ourself. Maybe if we tried to stop controlling other countries governments they wouldn't get so mad at us. We look at other countries as having a bad governmental system and we try to save their innocent, but to them that is just the way life is and it is how they do things. That is their society. What makes U.S. always think that we are right about everything? If another country looked at us and said "I don't think I like they way they run their government, I am going to invade their country", we would be pretty pissed off. So technically we are like, dumb asses just trying to control everything. We even promise to do things for other countries if only they wouldn't be in debt to our country, but they will never be able to pay us. You know why? BECAUSE WE HAVE ALL OF THE MONEY!!!!!

The United States has to be the greediest(sp?) country in the world, and it's sick. We have like all of these celebrity millionares who do JACK SHIT with their money. Oh wait, they use their money, to buy gucci underwear they will only wear once and buy jets that fly them coffee from the opposite coast they live on every morning. They buy gold toilet seats and and have 15 $75,000 cars that they will never use.

A lot of people my age don't even know why we are at war. You wanna know why we are at war? Because the president is a dick and the rest of our country doesn't feel like doing anythying about it.

If I had millions of dollars and authority somewhere in this world I would find jobs for people who didn't have any, I'd make jobs for them. I'd give free birth control to like women every where. I would make better health care for everyone. Like in other countries cause the U.S can take care of itself.

Grrr, on this horrible country. We say we have freedom, but we still have to pledge alligence(sp?) to a country under God (whose God?the only God there is blah blah blah) in our schools, and people in love regardless of who they love, cannot get married in most states(gay marriages). Blah! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY!!!!!!!!! #$^b$&%#@$%^&%$&*****!!!!!

Oh yeah, I think I can officialy say that I accept these terrorists. I don't support them for killing an ass load of people, but for defending thier country against us and our offending them. I don't care if I pissed you off by saying that. We brought it upon ourselves.

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The Little Princess and her Squirrel [21 May 2004|06:55pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Once upon a time there was a princess who had an amazing family. They did everything together and laughed all they could, until one day the evil wizard, Godulas, came to destroy everything the little princess and her family had taking her mother queen away and putting an evil spell on the king, her father.

Godulas took over the castle they lived in as their home and made it a dark and frightening place to be for her and her two sisters, one younger and one older. They did everything they could to be happy with eachother and to stay away from the evil wizard, but nothing could be done. Soon the younger sister was locked up in a dungeon and the older sister was sent to another far away place to become a witch and learn how to save her family. For the little princess all by herself, the only thing she knew was to try and save her younger sister, but she could only do that after she took a long journey to find the secret spell to make the evil wizard go away and leave her family alone.

As the litte princess started on her journey she came across a cute little squirrel that decided to follow her everywhere she went. The squirrel showed her secret passageways through forrests and shelter through storms. Besides her family, this little squirrel was the best friend the princess could ever have and they traveled everywhere together. They communicated their own special way and told stories and laughed and got along the best they could.

They never did find the secret spell to make the evil wizard go away, but they finally got the younger sister out of the dungeon and traveled far away from the castle to maybe return one day only when they knew it was safe. The younger sister found some friends of her own and went her way as did the little princess with her squirrel, when saddley a huge storm came and the squirrel and the little princess got lost from eachother. The princess knew that she was much bigger than the squirrel and instead of hiding under a large tree she should have gone to look for her friend, but she only thought of herself and stayed under the tree until the storm calmed down and now was only rain. Althought it was still dark and hard to see things, the princess decided that she had been very stubborn and selfish and although the storm might have hurt her worse, she knew she would have been happier if she had gotten hurt and found her squirrel than not have her squirrel at all.

The little princess searched everywhere for her squirrel, but could find no sign. She looked high and low, under the trees, over the hills, in the caves of mountains when finally she heard a distant, but familiar squeek. She got closer and closer to the squeeking when she saw a huge pile of rocks and fearded that her dear little squirrel may be under all of the rubble. Sher picked up every rock she could until she found her bruised and weakened squirrel. Squirrel tried not to notice the princess at first because it was mad that no she had not come to find her sooner, when it needed her the most. But princess picked up the squirrel and rubbed it's little cheek and the squirrel smiled. They both knew that they each needed care in some way, but they would take care of eacth other from now on. The princess decided that her squirrel needed a name and it would be Peaknuckle, so her and her Peaknuckle lived happily ever after. Not the end.

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Field Trip [07 May 2004|11:52pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | I'm a big kid now! ]

My favorite part of going to the library at home is seeing the old ladies with their library bags. They are so cute! They get out of their big expensive old people cars and they have their hand bags to carry books in. And then they hobble into the library with their old lady summer dresses on and look at the hard books only. Like there couldn't possibly be a good book in paperback. And all of the large print books are always in hardback, and they get those a lot, you know, since they're old and they can't see so good.

I was walking down the aisle in the library and this lady had an inch worm in her hair. It was green. I got it out and set it on the floor for her. I hope she didn't step on it cuz that would be sad. It could have been Dr. Worm...what would we do with out Dr. Worm? :(

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::falls over:: [20 Apr 2004|10:55pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | beauty and the beast ]

You would think that I would be asleep right now, but I somehow wish that I could pass the time until I could sleep in my boyfriend's bed with him. I feel like I have hardely seen him in the past few days because both of us have either been exhausted, doing homework or some kind of rehearsal. I think I miss him, and it's not even summer yet.

I have to watch 10 movies for Cinema by Monday. I have watched 1 1/2. 'To Kill a Mockingbird' was great, but I am not having the same love for 'On the Waterfront'. I can't decide if I am just too tired to watch it or it makes me tired. I tried watching not tired, and then I got more tired after I started it. Hopefully I will like the other 8 movies better. I think I am off to bed now. night night

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Strike = 20 bruises or more [19 Apr 2004|09:54am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | the air conditioner ]

I think I have finally come to a conclusion. I am going to stay a theatre major. I was never really supposed to be a theatre major in the first place. It was all sort of a big accident. Like, I came to school and they said "you are a theatre major" and I was like "oh". So I worked on a few shows and I fell in love with is and then I started dating this great guy, but we were to touchy feely for everyone and then they hated me cuz they thought I was a whore. So I stopped doing stuff in the theatre and I stopped hanging out with theatre people. Then I was going to change my major, but I don't know if it was because I felt so cheated out of the theatre department or I really wanted to.

I'm staying. Strike on Saturday was really good. I think that was the most productive I have ever been in the theatre (well at least until my uterus decided to have a heart attack and give me cramps.) I did so much that I currently have 20 bruises on just my legs. Scary I know.

I am scared shitless to stay. I have to take a junior class because it was the only one with space in it I could take (hist. and lit.) And I am doing partic. and taking a lab class. So I will have 17 credits. YIKES! Ihope I can make it. Hopefully I will really like my classes next semester (excpet for maybe nutrition). I have Sound Design, Anthropology, Nutrition, Hist and Lit., and Foundations of Cinematic Aesthetics. 2 classes with Chuck and 17 credits. Oh dear Lord.!

Oh yeah, I got really wasted Friday and then I got super duper wasted on Saturday......yeeeeeeaaaahh. It's monday morning and I am still recovering.

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eh... [17 Apr 2004|12:02pm]
[ mood | rejected ]
[ music | Spongebob theme song ]

I had an awesome time last night. I have really bad cramps right now. All I want is....yeah. Chances are that will never happen so I guess I will stare at my tv all day with no ibprofuen.

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MWAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!! [16 Apr 2004|10:33pm]
[ mood | Totally bouncing off the wall ]
[ music | Jumpin' Jack Flash/ The Rolling Stones ]

Haha!!!!! I'm just super right now. I love Lauren and Kristin and Tiffany! They are officially my heros of the day. Party tonight at the Dogpound....rock on!.......saweeeeeet. I haven't felt this awesome in....I dunno even know how long. Out to par-tay. Toodles folks.-your loved and amazing kelican

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Poop [16 Apr 2004|12:04pm]
[ mood | numb ]
[ music | Non-Prophets ]

Last night I played my mandolin until I thought my fingers were going to fall off. I think if I play a little bit everyday that would be good for me. I got it for Christmas and i had only picked it up a few times, but if you play it a little everyday then you remember more from the day before. I like playing it a lot. It gets my mind off of everything else.

I didn't go to math on Wednesday and I think I will skip again today. I have a B in that class which is good enough for me because I have never been good at math my entire life. I hate that class so much. I don't think I can stand going more than once a week. All I wanna do is go to the gym. It's the next best thing besides playing my mandolin and smoking cigarettes.

I'm hungry, but I don't feel like eating anything. Weird for me I know. I think this book I'm reading is really helping me out though. I feel like I have been a lot better with my self esteem lately and being positive about the things I do. I slip up and get upset every now and then, but it's still a big improvment from last semester. I'm eating a lot better and for some reason I really like working out. Maybe it's because I started doing weight lifting which is like so much fun. Somehow sweating a butt load just makes you feel better about everything going on in your day.

Hopefully I will feel better about my day after I work out and skip math. Except that I think the man that I love may never speak to me again.

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You make me swoon [06 Mar 2004|04:04am]
[ mood | grateful ]

There's nothing more amazing then waking up in the morning and seeing the face of a man that loves you on the same pillow as you , or just walking down the sidewalk knowing that you will see his smiling face around every corner. It amazes me no matter how mad I get at him, I still smile when he knocks on my door, or how much time together we spend I'm never tired of it. No matter how many times he plays that song on his guitar, I just want to hear it one more time. They way he kisses me in the middle of the dining hall and yells that he loves me in front of the whole school. I've never been so amazed by someone, by how smart they are, by how great their smile is, by how big their hug is. Sick and twisted, let's save the world together.

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Not So much [18 Feb 2004|08:10am]
[ mood | crappy ]

I don't want to be a problem to anyone. I don't want to be annoying and I don't want people to hate me. I just want to be another person you see and maybe you'll remember my face. Maybe you'll remember my blue and orange hair. Why do things always have to be so complicated? Why can't the inner workings of my brain just be simple so I could easily decide to have a plan in my life and go for it? I think if I keep writing I might say things I don't want to say but before I go know this: I am a just another person.

I think I might be deleted this journal soon. It's getting to deep. Notice the non-happy faces on every single entry.

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