Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in andrea's Blurty:

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Friday, June 18th, 2004
10:17 am	long time no hear sorry guys... I haven't been writing in here lately I know. well for all the devoted readers of the Arndrea files. go here- thecgirlA88.blogspot.com and/or xanga.com/cgirlA88 for more recent posts in between this one and my last one. once again. sorry if it's been a while... -_- OOOH: http://mp3content03.bcst.yahoo.com/proot4/PubShare14/yahoomovies/10/6240276.mov I want to see this so badly... Current Music: "the reason" by hoobastank (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 28th, 2004
8:44 am	"love me when I'm gone" this weekend has been one huge ride. I got Sharon's email friday but yeah. I hope you feel better sistuh ^^. lol naw it wasnt much. I was hving abad day that sunday and life just sucked and Luke rubbed me the wrong way. that's it. haha Gloria put it like this, "you're not a hardcore CLCCer until you've had some kind of thing with Luke."haha so yeah. thanks for the concern though :] .to bring things up to date: Me, Gloria, Luke, and Steven went down to Value Village friday. we were waiting till like 3:30 for themn to show up.. boys. saw Jimmy, Vivian, and Ross. I guess Jimmy'd just got back from Bo Yu's dad's funeral. which by the way was really sad. Vivian looked sad. but she always looks sad lol. and Ross was sweaty like usual in his basketball duds. then Luke finally came and we left. I bought 2 shirts, and spent 3 bucks. haha so cool. I felt rich. then me and Gloria went back to her place and hung out. she waslike yeah Jimmy's right across the street go talk to him. about like the dating pact thing and yeah. I wouldn't of had the guts to otherwise. lol ::blush:: so I went. besides she was boring me with her testimony writing. he came over we played with her dog Ninja who by the way is the cutest thing in the world. then went back to his house for a tour. I felt a little weird cuz I wasn't sure if his parents were around. it didn't seem like it. but eh. so yeah to preserve my genteelady image if I ever go to a guys' house again- bring a friend. well I wasn't totally weird of me though hehe me and Gloria had our 15 minute thing. after 15, she'd call, and if I was uncomfortable I'd say yes and she'd come by w/ some excuse for me to go. if not- then she'd know it was cool. haha but yeah... his house was sooocool. I love that place. A waterfall, koi, doves, and a piano. and 50 million shoes lying around lol. then we went upstairs and he needed to clean up before I went into his room. haha aww. yeah I know. I love his room. It felt so weird sitting on his bed though. I got nervous. so I went to the bathroom. then I got even weirder tough cuz I hate going to the bathroom when I think people can hear me. haha cuz it echoooed. and I waslike woah. when I was unbuckling my belt like the whole room was yeah. haha. so finished up quickly then got out. his toilet seat's squishy. too much information. lol so anyway. yeah it was cool. Janice came and got me cuz her dad was coming so I went back to Gloria's and we listened to Ben Kweller [who rocks!] and talked. then church and then went home, practiced voice, and slept. wait no. called lizzy and chatted. she was like "so... you had a good night huh" lol I just smiled and went to sleep without answering. Saturday was NATS. which I died in. all those people there were soo friggin dedicated. like- seriously. every one of them had already planned out their music schools and yeah. ugh. made me so sad. they all went to performing arts high school's too... oh well. I screwed up the second part of my Barber piece so I kind of knew I wasn't going to win. but it still sucked not hearing my name called for finals. I was just so nervouse. it was my first year. and I hadn't prepared enough. well I'd thought I did. but not compared to all those people. so next year. believe me. I'ma show up those preppy dirks. ^^ .lol upsh yaw. cuz I culd've. the girl who won wasn't even good. well tone-wise. you could tell she had training though .and she gave these presents to the judges too. so yeah. but next year! lol andrea never loses twice. in anything. haha usually not even the first time but. we'll see. came home and didn't feel like playing bball with the dawsons' creekers so I slept. for thirteen hours. now it's sunday morning and I have fifteen minutes till church so.. yeah. that's it. Current Music: ben kweller (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 16th, 2004
7:05 am	Spring Break so I decided to sum up my Spring Break. just because. I haven't writen in a while. .. :[ haha hey Tiffany. cool another reader of the actual andrea files. [not xanga] that no one really knows about because I kind of wanted it to be a secret. but./ eh. so friday night was crazy. Nine[or more] of us assian sophomore girls wanted to go to mr. gatti's and then me n'crystal, tamara, and lizzy were supposed to go to the movies after. But that would've meant skipping youth group. and so I ditched them at gatti's and went to church. because. hmm... I dont know. it's important to me. Matthew and I got into a little tiff about cleaning but. ::shrug:: we solved it. he even prayed about me before we worship teamers got up to sing. "thank you for andrea's help" ^^ hehe I liked that. Saturday was piano, and voice lessons where I rehearsed to the NATS[national association of teacher's of singing... or something like that] competition w/ katherine. Lizzy and I were going to hang but she and her family went to San Antonio until Tuesday that morning so I spent the rest of the day bumming. Sunday.. hmm. church. and I really dont want to write about what happened after when worship team was practicing in the room. .. ... . I think CJ and Gloria could tell I was really sad. but Vivian was just totally not noticing. I could hardly sing through like most of the songs because I felt like crying so badly. and I didn't even know then whether or not I was singing on sunday[we were practicing for sunday worship] and she was just sitting there singing and yeah.. made me a little hurt. Gloria glared at her for me but I don't think she caught it. Man. I love Gloria. Three times she stopped playing her electric and took her pick n'just kind of tapped my knee with a sad look and yeah. drew a sad face on the paper we were looking at. lolBut I still didn't want to talk about it. so I left. and went home. in the rain. Kumi[youth minister's wife] saw me and I wasn't crying yet but I guess she noticesd I was like"eh" and I told her it was just allergies. I hope she believed me. went home practiced and called crystal, jenifer, and emerald up. talked for a little while, missed lizzy, and then went to sleep. Monday. eh. woke Tamara up, came over and made her breakfast. hehe I can cook huh. lol fun stuff. hung out at her place all morning, got my hair cut[even though no one noticed lol cuz i guess it doesnt look different] then drove around with her for a while. even though she was still kind of scared of driving after the crash with lizzy friday. thank goodness no one got hurt. :) but yeah. haha what a cool girl. went home to practice. then left for the movies with jenifer and tamara. dude there were like 20+ asian people waiting outside the theater when we got there. all asian sophomores. I was afraid for the poor whitiees at cinemark lol. it was cool though. we all saw "starsky and hutch" which was nice. funny movie. but so gayyyy. haha apparently I was the only one who thought they were gay. upsh. oh well. went home and yeah. slept. so now it's 9 PM and I'm tired. Lizzy and Oliver get home tomorrow. w00t. wow I am so asian. I just realized that. hehe. dang... tamara: dude you knew like everyone there... -_~ .. . ... -_- Tuesday. watched television all morning... got a headache from the radiation :P. talked to lizzy and tamara on the phone. drove around with tamara.. all day. mall and old navy hehe cool stuff. then... went home. Matthew and Kumi [youth pastor and wife] called and I talked for a little while with them about the drama at clcc sunday and yeah. basically i'd just had a bad day and then Luke just kind of set me off. got my goat. tipped the boat. haha whatever you call it. so yeah... cool set of people that couple. ^^ so yeah... i am so sleepy now. must drowze off. operrra tomorrow. hehe my teacher's singing in it :) look look she was in the chronicle. lol "almost stole the show" that vixen. man and she's like 60 too hehe ::shiver:: but yeah. it was cool seeing her in the paper. here's the link: http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/ae/music/classical/2435405 haha tooo coool. she played mrs. bertram or something. goodnight. song running through muh head "until the day I die I'll spill my heart for you" Wednesday. woke up. um... I don't remember much... oh Lizzy came over and hung out forlike an hour. just talking and playing with Bunny. hehe I love our girl talk. and then I had to leave for NATS rehearsal with Chris Childers with my dad. I think we going to have to meet again and go over our pieces though cuz I'm having trouble matching his tempo or whatever. guh. stupid Samuel Barber. :P then me and daddy went straight off to dinner and the opera :) hehe we drove around forever looking for somewhere cheap to eat [haha we asians] and finally just gave up and walked into this place called "Skewers Cafe and Grill" and it was kind of expensive so me and daddy split this huge plate of fettucine alfredo. toocool hehe father daughter bonding. and it was really good too. Ten bucks man. hardcore. then we got to the houston grand opera like an hour early lol so we justlike walked around for a while. It's weird how I know my way around there so well. finally we got tired and sat down. and the most beautiful boy walks in with his mom. and I'm justlike wow. I'm serious this guy was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life... yeeps. I could've painted this boy up out of thin air he was just so... dang. hehe. and I'm guessing he was around our age cuz when he went to the bar [this is where I saw him lol ..a bar] they wouldn't serve him anything lol. just his mom. and then these two people came and met them. a girl [who I hope was his sister] and a guy- who seemed to be friends with him. She and him had the same hair color.. so I'm hoping sister. not that it matters. it's just. you only see beautiful boy once in your life. and then he goes away and yeah. I doubt I'll ever see him again. but it was friggin awesome anyway. even for just those few seconds. lol I'm such an artist. oh well. the only other time I did that was when I saw zane but. eh. that's different. I really hope zane isn't another beautiful boy. because. he's toomean. anyway. came home late and slept. Thursday- called "the girls" up. went to tamara's to tan with lizzy while muh family went off to see Battleship Texas without me... :/ oh well... so yeah. we tanned for a little while. Lizzy brought bikini tops so we could "do it up right" and then we all realized just how huge and hot my boobs are. lol aww. poor hotandrea. haha. omgosh. I never really had people in awe of my chest before it was quite surprising. ... .. . so yeah. tanned. kinda. [i dont tan much] and then Gloria came and picked me up to go to CLCC rehearsal. hehe stayed there forlike four hoooours[1:30-6?]. then came home. ate. went to tamara's forlike an hour. came home, did voice, and slept. Friday. me, tamara, and lizzy drove around to have a goodbye breakfast for tamara because she was going to spend all weekend fishing and yeah. stopped by Pho 21 and ate goodasianeats. hehe. then dollar store where I bought brithday cards and a balloon for my sister. [her brithday's april first ^^] lizzy and tamara bought stuff for their brother and then we went home, tamara left, and me and lizzy searched in vain for apool to go swimming/tanning. ugh. no luck. went to clcc to watch passion of the christ. oooh dang that was so. like after te movie we were all just stting there. and I started crying again. like all through themovie i'd been blubbering my guts out and I couldn't even watch some parts. CJ started praying. and Gloria looked really angry. Lizzy wasjust kinda like. :{ haha we all were. then the soundtrack to "confessions of a teenage drama queen" started playing- signlaing the start of another movie- so we got oughtta there. and I thought I was okay too- like we got outside the theater- into the broad daylight- then I started crying- again... yeeesh. and gloria and lizzy had their arms around me and everything and I waslike. yeah. my right contact came out. haha. got back to the church. on the way home like nobody said a word. I'm serious. haha at one point janice sneezed. and that's probbaly the loudest it got. at church. like nobody said anything. janice, me, and lizzy took a walk around the church like me and janice used to do... found this bush of flowers that smelled sooo good. mhmm. then pastor james thought we needed something "uplifting" so we watched veggie tales lol "dave and the giant pickle" good stuff. then youth group. ^^ Saturday. was a complete blowoff day. slept in. ate lunch. went to voice lessons. came back. studied. lizzy called and wanted to do stuff but my mom waslike "you've been out of the house every day this week." so... slept some more Current Music: "Ocean Avenue" -Yellowcard (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
7:06 pm	found an old entry from like way back when that never got posted sooo: I'm not gonna sleep till I touch your face ...not a week I could go for days if you ever needed to see me down on my knees take a look at me Baby I can't sleep I am studying APWorld History CHapter 12 online... Tang Song Era Renaissance woot .. i need sleep.. I shouldnt be doing this on a friday afternoon o_o it's just as well woke up as usual and went downstairs where my grandpa tried to get some of the dumpling's he and grandma made last night out of the refridgerator... I said thanks even though I had planned to just eat cereal and milk like always but.. hm it didnt matter. so he heated it up and I sat around getting myself milk and putting on my socks... when he saw that I was eating them and being happyfullasianchild he went off to wake grandma up... as he shuffled off I noticed he was wearing the slippers I gave him for Christmas.. all in all. this morning gave me a good feeling. went off to school where I wandered dazed through the halls without much feeling except numbness... went around humming country and linkin park songs... now I have sarah mchlachlan stuck in my head.. ever since I finished talking to my parents about my report card lol "and there doesnt seem a way to be redeemed... though I've tried.. fallen I have sunk so low" yeah... art or music school for me. hopefully. youth group tonight. after eigth period I was walking out saw zane coming out of the digital arts room and he gave me this look but I was distracted by justin pushing me... eh. it yeah.. I was pushed into the art lab where I picked up another entry form then walked outside and found jimmy waiting to walk to the buses... like yesterday I guess. I shouldn't of walked with him. but I did. like diana said to me today in the lunch line about how she's still dealing with tony breaking up with her "it's not about having just anyone, it's about having the one you really want- and making sure you want it" well.. at most.. i should've made it clear with jimmy today... but I never got the chance.. :/ I will though... soon. enough with guys. i hate my grades. and I hate miss tarrant. www.xanga.com/IAmReagan for a long commentary on her faults... and so it was that later as the miller told his tale that her face at first just ghostly turned a whiter shade of pale sarah brightman lyrics now... I dont like her that much though... just that song. because it's cool even if she's not lol well- no not really- I liked her in Phantom of the Opera. yeah... socool. I dont think I'm as pale as the song says the girl in it is though... haha just a random thought I dont know I remember Oliver used to say I was too pale... I just dont tan... it's slightly depressing. I'm bound to be an "ethereal"tyke forever and ever... haha oh well. oh man I just looked up at the rest of this thing and I never put a date... JANUARY 9, 2004 wow.. so BIG man.. it's like six o'clock in the evening right now... what do I have to do tonight... oh yeah. youth group. yay at the peng's house too... vivian can't give me a ride either.. why? apparently cj's going to be in the car.. so. eh. pass. not that I have anything against him he's always been a really cool friend. but. well I just hmm I know he's "got a thing fo the ladies" lol and I dont think Vivian would like it. knowing he's her boyfriend and all and I've known her longer than him. so... I'll probably go later with my mom and Oliver. most likely it'll be one of those nights... Josh Peng looking sad... he always looks sad for some reason.. Gloria being a punk and me and Janice hanging out.. Lizzy not there... Vivian being businesslike and maybe I might see Alice or Tiffany with her... CJ playing guitar and making me sad because guitars make me feel groupy-ish and I feel like hearing a certain someone else play... Josh's dad's going to be trying to take every asian guy there under 18 out in pingpong, basketball, football, or any other sport conceivable to man... Luke... singing. Stephen on piano. Arthur and Heming and my brother being funny and playing cards the whole time.. with Richard following around.. that's all of us clcc cats I think. hmm. like I said one of those nights. I've grown so used to them... wow. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 8th, 2004
7:43 pm	re-evaluating I'm hoome... finally. friday was no youth group. which was kind of.. I dont know.I wanted to go to some other one since clcc didn't have anything. but. whatever. I just look forward to somekind of worship on fridays.. because it just lifts me up after such a cruddy school-week-ness. every time. oh well. saturday was busy aslike anything. woke up at 5 slept at 10. life is interesting. went to the fbla competition where I saw a charles fu- who looks a wholelot like charles lien- from last competition. like I said insteresting. I looked weird too cuz I'd woken up so early and so had on a helly kitty shirt and express skirt w/ my counterfeit converse sneakers. gloria said I looked like a punk after when we went to see the "cross movie" at first baptist church. it was basically about the churches in china and yeah... it was sad. got me thinking though. about whether or not I'm actually chinese. I mean. I know tawain is part ofchina but. guh it's. eh. so I guess I'm shandongese/tawainain. officially. n'then after the movie I found goeff [my "daddy" from impact camp] outside the door and I waslike hey wow cuz it was so cool.. I havent seen him sincelike the summer. looked around for jennifer but didnt see her. but oh well. I guess brother's and sister's dont always go together. n'then... me and lizzy went off to the Houston grand opera chorus auditions for turandot. haha there were all these little eight year old boys auditioning with me. made me feel old. originally the age was supposed to be 10-14 but they said I could do it if I looked small... soo.. yeah. haha didn't know what to think about that one. like seriously one of the litte kids did "happy birthday" ...I did "o cessate di piagami" lol oh well it was still fun and if I get in I get to see Turandot for freeeee and get paid. w00t. oh and right before we went up to audition I got a call from aswathi telling me I got third in the Java test-competitionthing at the fbla competition. so I was happy. wee. haha socool. after the audition we sped off to deepti's sweet sixteen part-ay. talked to diana thewang n'joyce n'lizzy for awhile about my actual chinese heritage and watched indians dance. diana still needs to send me that song now... the one that sounded likewoah but I cant remember the name of. hmm. got back at ten n'fell asleep. woke up sunday morning.. went to church and hung around for a while buthen left early to see the opera "Miss Havisham's Fire" at the U of H with muh parents. I liked it. I miss bonding with the parentchen's. there was this one aria when Estella and Pip are singing about how they liked each other back when they were tykes or wella ctually I guess it's Estella singing it but it's soooopretty. I memorized it when hearing it. n'then we had voice lessons. Katherine wants me to compete in NATS which is toocool because it's apparently the most prestigious vocal competition you could win in high school or college. yeah. got happy again. I might have a future after all. haha. I saw a copy of that aria that I'd heard Estella sing on her piano top and asked her about it. I guess she could tell that I liked it a lot [i was quoting the friggin libretto to her lol]so now I get to learn it w00t. yeah i know. ^^ I dont know why I used to like Estella somuch int he past. to admire someone who was convinced never to love men because ofa twisted old lady.. seems pretty sad to me. oh well. I felt bad. I almost cried during the opera. only. hmm. it wasn't as good an opera as if it had been produced by HGO or something. because the orchestra kept drowning Pip out. I think that's all I had to complain about. It really wasn't so bad... drowzed off inthe car on the way back listening to La Boheme. I remember I wrote an entry in here once which was like a drowning-in-asian-ness entry. haha well I think this one would constitute a drowning-in-opera entry. just because like my whole weekend was classical singified. I liked it. oh hey we have worship team practice on tuesday after school. remind myself. and um... yeah I feel better now. for all the concerned readers of the "andrealog" haha I think I really wasjust [like sharon said] going through a "funk"but I'm better now I think [hope]. had a talk with diana friday n'bought ice cream for lunch. so ::sticks thumbs up:: I'm good. just need to think about some stuff and not htink about other stuff. guys shouldnt happen till college, I'm not going to die if I dont control every little thing, and ...I dont know I just feel better with myself now that I have some of my crud figgured out. pray for me :] Current Mood: calm Current Music: "beautiful mess" -diamond rio (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 31st, 2004
6:36 pm	let's see. i can't tink of a title for this thing. oh well.. I'm sitting here writing this in boxers and guys tank top with a huuge yellow guys dress shirt thing that could also be a dress if I added a belt.. wow. I'm turning into a man. I dont know. I dont even care what I look like anymore. and it annoys me. everything's getting to me now.. life sucks. well. I guess it wouldnt suck so much if I could live it once in a while. i hate this. I can't go to school because I'd see zane and sheela and jeff, etc. I can't go to church because of vivian and cj and . stuff I can't really talk about unless this was like a private entry. so I wont go into it. and I can't stay home because of my dad. i cant even go outside now. honestly. everyone I come into contact with- especially those closest to me- screw my life up for the worse. and I can never do anything about it. they never mean too. but. i guess I cause something tha sara would call "hungry love" which is the tortured kind I guess. well. just because. I guess I'm never meant to have normal relationships with people. my dad wont even let me inhale without his approval. the guys I like never like me because I pick one's who are in love already. like walker. and zane. and. well the list goes on. when every other guy I know ends up liking me. my friends all leave after a while. my schoolwork is never good enough for. anyone. let alone a future. basically. I am the most awful person in the world. and everyone I know is hungry for a piece of me. and when I'm spent and have nothing left. I'm left like I am now. exhausted and. i can't think of the word. wait. well if I could think of a word that meant sickofit then I'd write it. but it's not coming to me. I know everyone thinks I'm beginning to be ocnfusing and rnadom and I really wish I could like notbe. but I just. I'm so confused right now I dont even want to be myself. because I hate myself. so I'm trying to become someone- anyone else. and I guess this soemone else doesnt make much sense. andwont for a while. until. I'm better. and beter is nowhere near where I am now. I dont even know how to help myself recover from something I dont understand. but I wish. that if everyone just left me alone and layed off for a while. maybe I could figure something out. Current Mood: drained Current Music: "last beautiful girl" -matchbox twenty (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, January 23rd, 2004
1:56 pm	0_0 i am in ap comp sci once again... searching through all the old files in my floppy disk where i kept lab11c-lab11d and wow i find all theseold entries and yeah.. soi'm listing'em ^^ but uh.. they're from a while ago.. _____________________________________________________________________ Sunday: 12-28-03 went to visit efc I got there like ten minutes early because I guess they start earlier or something saw eugene sleeping in the back pew so I talked with him for a while then went to find a bathroom hung out with alice and drawjammed with a kid down the block during english service and sunday school walked back to clcc then we (the family) went to a concert where I saw Alice and a lot of the efc and clcc people again.. wuhh. violin and piano crazy cool.. dang... seeing them play reminded me once again of my ageold wish that I could play an instrument that well.. those asian skills that seem to flow so naturally from the fingers of those who are so gifted.. ::sigh:: then we (the family) went off to eat at the Grand Buffet where we saw Boshi and a whole clan of asian people again.. you know I really saw too many today.. :/ how disappointing. I have come to the conclusion that I'm not whitewashed... at all. then we saw the greatest film ever created ^^- the one that I've been waiting my entire life too see- the one that I plan on buying the video of- keeping it in my room, buying the poster and hanging it on my wall- framed sound a bit not-andrea? it's not... but see all my life I've had this thing about Peter Pan ::schoolgirl giggle:: maybe it's the concept of Peter Pan rather than the boy itself that I like so much the guy who never wants to grow up who's so cute the first time you two meet is when he's crying because he can't get his shadow to stick to his feet flies you away in the middle of the night to never never land... and shows you things you used to only dream about mermaid lagoon and pirates and indians dancing in the moonlight with fairies floating all around you ^^ and you never forget him but.. I dont know I remember when I was a small lil tyke my grandparents got us a copy of Peter Pan- with chinese subtitles.. for a while I thought he was perfect.. all that- and asian. haha we saw the movie tonight finally and it was sooooooooo awesome----------------------------- i'm serious I was sitting there like woah I dreamed that it looked exactly like that o_o I really thought about it on the car ride coming back too there was just something about the scene where he and Wendy are dancing in this wooded place after watching the fairy queen and king dance in their little tree thing and it's just so beautiful... then they stop for a second and have one of those movie moments where they just look at each other ::collective aww:: and she asks him how he feels- happy- sad- jealous- angry- love- anything and he get's rather distant looking and says he's never felt that (love) ever she just kind of looks at him and says that he does feel it; he has, and he's growing up and he get's angry because he realizes it and he can't take it or something so he tells her to just go away- go home or something and take the concept of feeling with her but he doesnt really want her to go back home ... isn't that awesome? every single part of the movie was exactly how I dreamed it- down to tinkerbell and and the indian princess- and even some plot differences :P except in my dreams I was always Wendy. hahahaha Peter is just too pimping I hope the guy I end up with it sort of like that. But not like- to the extent that he would be forever not able to be with me because he could never grow up though.. :] it is now 12:30 PM must sleep conclusion: perhaps I have built my life upon a fairy tale aww but see then I dont have to be a nun too avoid get married lol ______________________________________________________________________________ Monday: 12-29-03 lazed about the house the whole day doing absolutely nothing of substance.. very proud of myself ^^ watched too much television, ate too much food, slept too long, and listened to more music than is probably good for me but I loved it all :] sitting up in my room drawing and listening to the radio for hours... mm "I melt everytime you look at me that way never fails anytime any place this burn in me's the coolest thing I've ever felt" -"I Melt" by Rascal Flatts got an email from Ryen yesterday.. made me miss back in New Hampshire when we'd all just sit around and draw-jam forever in the library after school.. good times they were too.. I still miss it sometimes- not enough to like get myself all weird about it because I like the way I'm living now- but still enough to remember throwing leaves around during autumn and running wildly down hills to the gas station where Anna would remind me to buy the cheap nickel candy so we could pig out every afternoon on a quarter a day :P haha.. wow. and it's been like a year now too... but I like Houston. it's just all around better for me right now I guess. back in NH I trained with a teacher who used to be in this pop band and sang for the Czech Opera company.. but I didnt like her much. I still remember how her room always stank of overburned candles and rotten grapes.. ekh. and Anna and Ryen, although really cool friends, weren't that great in like school and stuff and my dad didnt really like Ryen- because he was white and all (haha not a racist thing but I jsut dont think he wanted mixed kids or anything- not that me and Ryen were ever like that really- he liked Anna in like seventh grade though) down here I train with (even though Stefan's never heard of her lol) one of the best there is teaching and singing-ness. A lot of my friends are just better in school and stuff down here too. There aren't many people who can draw except maybe like sarah and zane. but even then you know anna and ryen are like- planning on art school and everything. and everyone down here wants to go to like.. UT or Harvard and major in the same fields they should be as good lil asian kids. I really dont know what I want anymore. I was thinking about it and I remember I didnt mind as much getting not so cool grades in NH because I was planning on art school and even down here in Houston, music school is probably all I'm like guarranteed to get into without much work. ugh. I make myself all mad too. but see I get myself all mixed up too- since I'm always being told to try harder- and I really do. but if I went to music school I wouldnt really need to be like valedictorian or anything. they said a B average was acceptable to get into Indiana University, or Juillard. as a music student. even Rice University isn't so strict when it comes to their music school. but see if I didn't get in.. seeing as how I still can't harness a lot of diaphragm power sometimes (I'm just too skinny.. I know I used to joke about it and people are always saying it's a good thing to be thin.. but I wasn't joking when I said I wanted fat. I need it. there's a reason opera singer's are usually fat. either you have the natural power or technique.) so I'm hoping since I've been training for like forever I'll be able to get up enough power- but see... sometimes.. I just don't know. We moved a lot before we moved here. and. I had to switch teacher's a lot. even the teacher I have now- even though she's awesome- because she's so good she's always off traveling and sometimes I'll go for like weeks without a lesson. so I really dont know. just... ugh life is so friggin tough to predict sometimes. so I guess I have to try hard. I know I always say that but it's really true. I need too. in case I'm not good enough for music school or art school. because I have no fellow artsy people down here to jam with- and unless I can train hard enough- my lack of fat will keep me out of opera. this is where (if I did swear) I'd say a bad word. but I won't. It's just that I've been working at classical music for around 4 or 5 years now.. and it'd be really awful too have worked so hard for nothing. so yes conclusion: study like life depended on it. and practice voice tape every day or I could always join a road band :P haha by the way. I have discovered that a lot of efc guys really annoy me. charles avoids me like a plague- and I still have no idea why but it get's too me because we say hi and stuff and I'm like tight with his sister and all his friends and yet he makes it so that it's hard for him to even have a conversation with me. zane is really not such a cool neighbor sometimes either. he and james are just real oddballs confusingness that I dont really like getting into often. just because it reminds me of anna and ryen again. you think you're all the closest people in the world and I guess you are. and then they do something. and it makes you wonder. oh hey and no more clcc for me for a while dont ask me why but think's have changed for the worse again there are guys there that bug me as well but I can stand efc guys. if you avoid them they do the same not clcc ones. "it's the bitter taste of losing everything I held so dear I've fallen I have sunk so low I've messed up better I should know so don't come around here and tell me I told you so" -"Fallen" by Sarah Mchlachlan conclusion: do better in everything so when I need to pick eventually, I have choices. oh yeah and guys are even screweyer then girls. "what a beautiful mess what a beautiful mess I'm in spending all my time with you" ______________________________________________________________________________ 12-30-03 tuesday I am sick. cold runny nose icky yuckster syndrome :P oh well went shopping to get the after-holiday sale stuff with mommy and emily. spent ten minutes and twenty dollars in foley's we went to payless shoe source to get new shoes for oliver and me. his are all black now and arguably pimping lol I got fake converses! except they dont look like the real thing... I spent 6 bucks though- and tamara spent 30 getting her real ones. upsh oh yeah. :] lol they look like Tyson's. when we went into the mall (where I mentioned earlier), I saw come actual converse's in Journey's and yeah.. mine really dont look like them. haha. they're still cool though. I shoulda saved my money... :/ ::sigh:: shopping makes me miss Lizzy.. I bought a longsleeve shirt to wear under my t-shirts and I remember Lizzy telling me she got hers at Abercrombie... looking at the converse shoes makes me think about how we both wanted to get them.. even Diana calling today made me think of her -they both went to Florida wow... my nose is still runny ugh ______________________________________________________________________________ 12-31-03 New Years Eve stayed home in bed all day... ekh.. i hate sick went to clcc new years dinner potluck thing.. hung out with gloria and janice- showed off my counterfeit converse's and ate some then went home at like 10 to tuck in early.. woken up at 11:55 PM by Emily and Oliver because they wanted to see Saturn's rings glow at midnight.. heard firecrackers in the distance and had my dorky glasses on ... .. good way to end the year new year resolutions: -try harder in school -practice more music -stop listening to too much nonclassical music cause apparently it kills the brain -sleep more (at least 8 hours a night -_-) -be an all around better person -eat healthier (HAHA) -take better care of the bunny -remember to do quiet times more often than I've been doing.. "I thought I was over you but I guess maybe I'm not Rain down in Georgia, Kentucky Rain, here comes that rainy day feeling again, it'd be so easy to blame all these songs about rain" "two wrongs make it all alright tonight... and I know it was me who called it over but I still wish you'd fought me till your dying day don't let me get away" ______________________________________________________________________________ 1-1-04 Thursday ate emily's oatmeal cookies for breakfast then went out to play basketball with siblings my cough's still here.. ugh my grandparent's came back and moved in all their stuff this time (we rented this huge U-Haul to get it all in) so from what I hear they're going to be staying until february this time.. yay :] watched Gone With the Wind on TNT after dinner I dont know, for some reason whenever I watch that thing I always get to sick of relationships ekh I mean seriously why cant Scarlett and Rhett just like each other from the beginning and not have so much friggin drama.. yeesh but I guess that's what makes a good love story in fact all of the one's I have on my bookshelf- and consider even worth reading- are completely tragic. well I guess it's just because what point is there in having emotions if there wasn't any trouble to make it worthwhile? wow deep huh... I'm thinking of all the books in that shelf... Peter Pan, Lady Of the Camilla's, La Traviata, La Boheme, the Autobiography of Maria Callas, and even Anne of Green Gables are all slightly sad... Peter Pan can't stay with Wendy because she has to grow up; Marguerite DuPlesis, in The Lady of the Camillia's, dies in the end, of tuberculosis, before reconciling with her lover; La Traviata (from the above book) and La Boheme are both Opera's about two people in love and then the girl up and dies of some incurable disease; Maria Callas , also dubbed, "the Sacred Monster", and the best classical singer in this century, fell in love with a rich playboy who eventually left her for Jacqueline Kennedy after JFK died.. sad huh Anne of Green Gables (yet another childhood favorite) is about this orphan who spends her entire pre-and post-adolescence at odds with the boy who used to make fun of her red braids. Eventually they fall in love and marry though.. so I guess that one's not so sad.. hmph. well you see my point though. 5 out of 6 books were totally tragic. and the 6th one was spent with her hating him most of the time. my dad says relationships should be hard to start up- the more awkward and messed up the beginning the better- because then it shows how long it will last. "easy come easy go" or something like that.. guh asian humor. or advice. one or the other ^^ "and all of you is more than enough for all of me for every thirst and every need you satisfy me with your love and all I have in you is more than enough" "dont you know that all the fairy tales tell a lie real loving, real life doesn't have to be perfect baby every little piece of the puzzle doesn't always fit" conclusion: there's a thin line between love and hate and that easy come easy go thing my dad said (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, December 19th, 2003
11:23 pm	its finally winter break ^^ ... i want to take a road trip to anywhere Friday Night exam week has been... hmm i made a list of pros and cons of the week so i can keep it all in order... :/ PROS- -buckled down and studied all week -staying afterschool tuesday to eat free indian food at Moguls since Sheela's dad owns it ^^ -wednesday got to finally listen to the entire john mayer cd in chemistry on daniel lin's huge hulking headphones...they were awesome. surround sound. 100+ bucks. oh yeah. w00t -with the new xmas break now finaaally here i can work on becoming less bitter than everybody says studying has made me -xmas presents arrived this week in various forms from different people.. it feels good to be loved -i might actually get to take a road trip too anywhere... YEEEEEES. i want to get away and i dont know where too. but it doesnt matter. I've finally gotten my dad to agree to it on the condition that i pay the first fifteen bucks (initial greyhound bus fare) and he'll pay the rest (additional distance) but as long as we visit colleges. and he gets to come with me. which i dont really care about anymore because he's not that bad and he can scare away evil subway muggers more than I could on my own. think about it. scary big azn daddy vs. lil frail azn daughter ...hmm - tonight- got clccers to change my role to "Angel" of Xmas Future... because I can't be scary and grim apparently CONS- -my grades need to be higher -according to lizzy I have grown depressing and am no longer fun to hang out with - I am not scary enough to be the "ghost" of xmas future... -tonight at clcc, Luke was giving me tips on how to sing better... ugh. so i guess that means I suck. there goes another piece of my future -wow. i really am turning bitter -i think me and lizzy are growing apart. and i dont know why. she might not be in any of the same classes next semester with me, she hasnt come to clcc with me in like woah, and she hangs out with sheela more than me and her ever did. big breath oh hey and i wont see her over break either. :( -my feet have started growing irregularly, so my right one seems bigger than my bigger one. if i look at it hard enough -if i do go on my roadtrip to nowhere - my mom said she wants me to take my textbooks... - studying has made me fatter. too much food intake and too little excersice. darn the holiday spirit - i might become a slacker again after break too -didnt see plab much... and i still want a guy to sing to me. hmph. i dont seem to have gotten over him much either -vivian was off in boston tonight so there was one less girl . but jenifer came ^^ -i seem to have grown overwhelmingly critical of guys in general. even plab looks different-er now... hmm. i remember telling someone he needed a haircut though... so i guess it doesn't look that bad. -before youth group tonight i was at the hospital because my sister, Emily, accidentally ate a peanut butter cookie at her elementary school Choir Concert. and she's like deathly allergic to the stuff. so they rushed her over to the emergency place and i had to watch them stick stuff in her. which was not that cool. and i hate needles and the like. 6 pros and 14 cons that can't be good and i feel tired again too. too much studying and not enough sleeping this week... 14 hours tonight? i feel like I did after Impact this summer.. exhausted Current Mood: tired (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 12th, 2003
10:22 pm	another concert friday night "you took off your jacket and stood out in the rain you were always crazy like that" -jewel "If my vanity had taken a musical turn, you would have been invaluable; but as it is, I would really rather not sit down before those who must be in the habit of hearing the very best performers" ch 6 of "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen "she's the only one who knows what it is to burn" Tonight was such a friggin good night. I vowed not to return to the internet (along with the help of my parents :P) until I got my grades up- and i still intend to do so- therefore this entry wont be going online for a whiiile... oh well. I'm writing it down for posterity's sake. So where was I... oh yes- today was a good day. kind of. algebra 2 is horrible... i have to make a 90 on the semester exam... or bust. I was too quiet to too many people and studied far too many hours today to be considered healthy... lizzy's right. I am turning into PLAN(perfect little asian nerd-ette) ...wow. after school me and some swas people went to volunteer at this battered women shelter... i never really realized how much it all takes to be a battered woman, take care of the shelter, how much work it is to sort christmas toys, etc. Then got a ride home with sue and yvonne and lizzy and three other people... hmm. Just in time to warm up my voice and piano before the chen-family-singers went off to this concert early.. It was the same place in San Jacinto College (the recital hall is pretty cool) that we went to over the summer to hear the HGO guild students recital. My grandpa brought his videocamera- he and grandma came back today from who-knows where to come stay with us which was really awesome. I love having my grandparents around. The hall was still basically empty- so me and oliver did a little number on their uber expensive piano and then went into the room backstage to practice on our violin- singing skillaz. See, our piano teacher, Ms. Sharon Hagy, sets up a recital every so often to like.. I dont know.. show us off. So, she got us to play in it. She knows about my opera thing (she knows who my teacher is.. eh who am i kidding it seems everyone in music knows who K. Ceisinski is lol) and my brother's violin stuffs- so she set up this special part of the program at the end to -like i said- show us off. haha. oh well... it felt good to be special kind of. People kept on coming in and sitting down so eventually we came out of our back room and sat down too... I was set up to sit next to this little five year old tyke called Emily Bui. lol awwww soo cute ^^ doode i like ...man she was just like awesome. I love kids. I was so nervous at the piano... because the last time I played in public was at last years guild auditions... and yeah. I ended up crying. so i think i had the right to be a little nervous tonight. As for voice, this was the first performance I've done in seven months. :/ (not counting stuff like.. i dont know. youth group) Oliver was so cool... we looked so fly in our preppy-rags woot "yo face-- no yo other face-- no yo mooom" lol i am once again in awe of his skills... and "Boy Paganini" on violin was just like silk to the ears too... my singing was.. hmm I was happy with it lol Emily (my sister- and the five year old one) said I did good. and like- I dont know- I really like singing in public- not because I like to blow up my ego or something- but there's just somehting so awesome about it... hmm. I didnt project much. but after hearing it on tape- you really can't tell... man it's so pure. there is like no thickness in my tone. makes me mad. oh well...my grandpa's got it on camera so I guess it's all good.. doode. so cool. After we were done and I was getting my stuff, I turn around for my jacket, and when I turn around- there's a literal line of people waiting to say how cool my voice was. haha rock star syndrome? oh yeah.. lol it was so random too... because they just decided to like- show up in front of me all of a sudden I guess.. just... wow. Me and Oliver couldn't get away lol. seriously though. it was kind of weird after a while.. but still cool. Emily kept following me around :P haha i want her to be my groupie ^^... aww. Like, Oliver and me kept walking around so we wouldn't have to stand still and talk to people for long- just because I get a little like woah awkwardish if I spend too long talking to a person about how I sing.. even though I've gotten better at it. Even in the bathroom, I walk out of the stall, and three ladies are like standing at the mirrors for me. yeah... but what was weird was no one complimented me on my piano... haha i didn't think I sucked that bad.. oh well. even the little kids- who sometimes feel bad for you- three of them actually came up to me- and all of them were like "yeah i loved your voice" ... :( no piano comment... oh well. raining like mad when the recital was finally over. so I was stuck with these mad "fans" (haha) for like a while watching grandpa's tape of us (by the way we look awesom-er on it than in reality) and eating, until daddy drove the car over. The only really weird thought of the night was when I was actually standing up there on stage looking at the audience- doing what S Hagy calls the "moment of preparedness" before signaling her to start playing... I was looking at all of the faces in the dark and... I remember wishing that plab was there to hear it. ...I know it's stupid. whatever. Oliver was pretending to wince while I sang too lol so I had to keep looking at other stuff while singing or I would start wanting to laugh... it's now 10:50... therefore I' ve spent 36 minutes of my life composing this memoriandum... how profound. oh hey and it being late and all- I think I have come up with a set of rules for the guy i'ma date when I get like.. ready too. (oliver as my counsel). So yeah apparently I want a guy that is taller than me, asian, ...hmm. lemme remember. oh yeah- christian. duh. I know earlier today lizzy was talking about this one dude in her spanish class who was playing the guitar today. ...I want that too. a guitar playing doode who can play non-english love songs. ..and right now i'm in the mood for some john mayer.. I havent heard that in a while.. I missed youth group tonight too. darn it. I wanted to be the ghost of XMas future.. and we were going to pick roles.. only my voice isn't manly enough. gloria and bo shi kept laughing at me on sunday when we were coldreading the script. upsh i could talk manly if i wanted too... haha. oh well. Oh hey and Luke and stephen led worship tonight. i wish we would all just combine or something but.. man. why do old people have to be so... urgh. (that goes for after the clcc operation xmas child- you'd think they'd just... I dont know. hmm I dont think anybody went tonight though. me and oliver had the concert. jenifer doesnt go unless I do i think, lizzy was tired (again i think), and vivian just wanted to watch... or something. lol man i feel forgetful. 11:00 PM now i should sleep, later "i'm grounded got my wings clipped i'm surrounded by all this pavement... i'm bigger than my body gives me credit for" AlLeNIvErSoN 149: she just said plab is cute lol AlLeNIvErSoN 149: LMAO SiLeNt AnGeL 2k6: haha she's so cute AlLeNIvErSoN 149: i know Current Mood: content Current Music: "wheel" -john mayer (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 6th, 2003
10:52 am	...went on another madcap random bike ride this morning.. i dont know why i do sutff like that. my toes still feel frozen. like- i woke up- went online- put up an away message did piano ate breakfast put out the bunny... where does biking fit in? man.. i havent done that in a while. it felt kind of good. when i wasnt punching myself for being so stupid lol ...couldnt find shoes... or socks. so i hung some huge manly sandals on the handlebars of my trailbike-contraption and went freewheeling through the neighborhood at 9 in the morning... went through the cul de sac near the mailbox in an effort to cut through the golf course and maybe surprise tamara.. but old people were on the ocurse again so I, mumbling and grumbling, turned around, biked around randomly for a little while longer, and after I couldnt feel my feet anymore, i put on the sandals and went home i am so random somtimes i amaze myself "what do you do where do you go when nowhere feels like home" Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: restless -sara evans (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, November 28th, 2003
8:08 pm	I'm listening to maria callas and checking my email (for school) right now... I've finished eating just a little bit earlier so I'm all relaxed and tired... meh. I dont think I'm typing up another entry or anything. or wasting my time. just listening to good music and waiting for my teacher to email me back about exams until then there's really not much else to study I've been reviewing all day until my eyes hurt-ed and I had to take a break. besides it's pretty pointless to study without knowing what you should actually be studying... and it's not like I can ask anyone seeing as how it's too late and I'm grounded off of Aim once again... ::sigh:: so yeah... i love maria callas... so beautiful :) she was so tragic and dramatic and... man I wish I could be like her sometimes. I dont think I could picture her fazed ever... i put her pic on my xanger too :P hmm. I've been thinking. earlier I was talking to my parents again about life and stuff and. I think I've got to start like bucckling down on myself. change some stuff. because I used to always not listen in school and stuff because I always felt that it was bad to be affected by anything. especially other people's views and thoughts. but I think I've finally realized that to get anywhere in life you really have to be , in essence, brainwashed by these educators. or else not college. no future. and college is future. and respect and all that. so I have to start studying and doing well.. or it's just stupidity killing my life. I mean I'm probably as smart as my brother but he get's straight A's and all and I just... I could get that. if I tried more. :/ so from now on.. try try try or else. man i know I'm turning into a nerd. :( ...nerd-ette to you...! .... I'ma go sleep. mario lanza's rendition of "danny boy" moves me to tears. he's horrible. j/k but andrea bocelli is better... because he has my name. and he's blind. enough operuh talk. i'm just making myself sound older. and smarter. than I am. or was. because I have now resolved to be smarter ^^ "Eyes were glancing Hopes set high But just another day went by Tears are falling Like never before Still she's staring at the door Broken promise Will you understand My heart is in your little hand I hear you call my name Refrain: And always you'll be Blood and soul part of me The second element I am longing for you And always you'll see That you reflect on me My second element Are you missing me too? Time keeps moving She's in so deep And she cries herself to sleep Angels dancing In the night And she cuddles up real tight" Current Mood: confused Current Music: "The Second Element" -Sarah Brightman (2 Comments |Comment on this)
9:00 am	anguh anguh hmph. i'm mad now. I had an awesome profound totally "rad" entry all typed up on word... and then my computer froze. doh. doh. doh. uuurgh. :/ oh well. too sum it all up i basically just said: -i'm thankful for everything that's happened to me this year -and all the stuff I've been given- and not given -i want to join a roadband and film the whole thing with the awesome new videocamera that i've been saving up for like forever to get and finally got this morning at the walmart supercenter thanksgiving sale woot ^^ -good luck in dallas to lizzy -hope my grandparents are okay wherever they went off too -i have now discovered that by playing basketball all week with my brother I have almost conquered my girly shot -i am sad that we have no clcc group this friday cuz kurt is going somewhere - i wanna sing at efc w/ vivi sometime cuz they still have no guhls :P ..well unless michelle's got it down -"there's nothing that can come my way that me and the Lord can't handle" -i have decided I shall film everything from now on. except maybe when I'm in the bathroom (not doing... yeah. I was washing my hands yeesh) cuz my mom got mad. haha ...I seem to have forgotten the rest. oh well "your love O Lord reaches to the heavens your faithfulness stretches to the skies your righteiousness (man i've forgotten how to spell :/) is like the mighty mountains, yeah your justice flow-ows like the ocean tides and I will lift my voice to worship you my king" Current Mood: relaxed Current Music: "your love O Lord" -Gloria's guitar-dude.com site? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 25th, 2003
7:49 am	i'm only updating finally because I'm up- and it's too cold and early to study. my grandparents are downstairs sleeping so I can't do voice or piano. and I dont want to eat yet. so um. yeah. if my dad's reading this- i'm not wasting my time this entry only took like 3 minutes seeing as how i copied and pasted it :P and yeah. you shouldnt be reading this anyway. it annoys me. I'm so tired... I want to just fade away.. into paper or something and just like get carried off by the wind and I wouldn't have to deal with anything. come to think of it I do that a lot. or else I think of it a lot. but I shouldn't I guess. oh well... I'm too tired. and after talking for hours to lizzy about it last night I think I'm even worse. but she did her best :) plab is screwing up my life. and i dont know why but. I dont know. I think. I think I still like him. but only as a friend. anything more just makes me sad. so it's settled. I bury it until it's ready to be dug up again. I even talked to my dad about it and i think I've got it right this time. I'm really hungry... my grandparents cooked stuff last night and it was sooo good. but it gives me gas the next morning haha. oh well.. "I miss you hard, with an ache in my stomach and a sandpaper feeling all down my throat. I miss you like a big, empty, shut-up, quiet space torn out of my guts, and nothing can patch up that great big ugly hole you left. If I'd stayed dead and flown farther in to meet that light person with you, I'd be in heaven now. I'd be feeling just fine. I wouldn't have this operation scar or this pain in my leg. I wouldn't be stuck in this stupid hospital bed. I wouldn't have to look at Dad's face. I didn't even talk when Dad came to visit me today. He played cards with me awhile, then left. I was glad to see him go. I don't like being around him right now. His eyes look like his darkroom at home. I mean no light in them at all. When he looks at me, I want to punch his face and make him fly across the room. Then maybe he'd get mad and I'd see something different in his eyes. Only it's not Dad I want to punch, it's you. I want to punch your face for leaving me alone down here." -"Wenny Has Wings" by Janet Lee Carey(part of chapter one) x. name = andrea christine chen x. birthday = june 10, 1988 x. piercings = none x. tattoos = none x. shoe size = 7 ...and a 1/2? x. hair color = black x. length = dont know.. shoulder? longer? hmm x. siblings = brother (Oliver, 13) and sistuh (Emily- 9?) x. pets = bunny x. clothing= striped cool pants, oliver's camp invention t-shirt, socks, punk-black jacket, gloria's punk watch, and a cool bracelet braided thing `this or that... x. Nice smiles or nice eyes? hmm. nice white smile. nice azn eyes. :P x. Jeans or skirts? jeans x. Boots or sneakers? muh tennis shoes x. Natural or make-up? natural x. Restaurants or fast food? both. close them all down! x. Italian food or Chinese? look above x. Dark or light eyes? depends. probably dark x. Streaked or dyed hair? hmm. neither x. Vampires or Gods? look above x. Shakespeare or Greek mythology? shakespeare is dead. why can't anybody accept it. besides he only made all his stuff like a thousand pages cuz he got paid by the word. so um. ..hmm. geekness x. Milk shakes or floats? milk shakes when you're not thirsty and need sugah. floats when ur thirsty and need sugah x. Drugs or cigarettes? neither x. Football or cheerleading? ...foozeball or blondes... ::shiver:: x. Cake or pie? hmm. depends `how...?pick... x. Do you want to die? like I said before- I want to be set afloat on a medevial ship with all of my wordly belongings on it and go drift off into the sea like King Arthur. only.. is that Christian? hmm. it might have something to do with druids. so maybe not. :/ x. Cremated or buried ? well can you honestly set my ashes afloat? ...they'd sink the stinkin hulk. x. Do you brush your teeth? how? up and down and all around x. Much time does it take you to get ready? like half an hour maybe. for breakfast and such x. Do you like your life? sure x. Common or original is this survey? pretty standard x. Often do you smile? too often x. Do you eat junk food? look above Do you.. x. Sing? oh yeah ^^ ...I break glasses. literally x. Dance? sometimes x. Laugh a lot? yeah. too much really. but it's all good. I think i'm just amused by little things x. Like spicy food? depends how spicy. I like salt in muh diet if that's what you mean. but I hyperventilate if I eat jalapenio's x. Prefer bagels over yogurt? sometimes x. Think babies are cute? oh yeah! lol adorable x. Children in general? hmm some are like awesome but other's are really tiring x. Believe in fortune cookies? haha no x. Believe in life after love? as in like waiting until you're ready for love yeah definitely x. Believe that anything is possible? sure x. Believe that everyone has a purpose in life? yes x. Know what yours is? yes `are... x. You a girl? haha yup x. You a comedian? no. I'm not funny. I fall a lot and spit through my nose but I am not funny. haha FUNNI CHEN. sry. that was all clcc-small-group corrupting my views on nicknames in general. x. Ur friends true friends in your opinion? hopefully x. You bored? sometimes. `describe... x. Your usual outfit: haha sometime it's kind of out there so I don't think I have a "usual outfit". hmm.. well because I like to wear all the stuff in my closet you know? otherwise I feel like I'm wasting them or something it's weird. x. Your hair : black x. Your eyes : brown x. What you like to change about yourself : I dont know, I try not to think about that kind of stuff- otherwise I'd go on forever `is... x. Hate too much of a strong word? a lot of the time yes but there are expections x. Food from other cultures good? haha yeah. well. depends x. Your mood calm at the moment? yup `last... x. movie you rented = um I think it was some mystery-movie thing x. movie you bought = hmm I just got a copy of finding nemo for my brother to give to some friend for a birthday part-ay x. song you listened to = ENOUGH from clcc practic-ing earlier. I havent been home long enough to turn on the radio yet x. song that was stuck in your head = hint hint: "and all of you is more than enough for all of me for every thirst and every need you satisfy me" ..yeah x. song you've downloaded = don't download stuff x. cd you bought = dont remember x. cd you listened to = cecilia bartoli. I dont think many people other than like operuh peeps know about her x. person you've called = lizzy x. person that's called you = daddy x. tv show you've watched = hmm.. dont know x. person you were thinking of = my dad `do... x. you have a bf or gf = no x. you have a crush on someone = I think so x. whats their name = upsh im not putting it down on paper. well- web-paper x. you wish you could live somewhere else = hmm I'm not sure. sometimes I want to just be anywhere else but I don't think I have any set idea of where I'd go. besides, staying put's not so bad sometimes x. you think about suicide = no x. you believe in online dating = no. euw cwazy cyber stalker ppl x. you want more piercings = no x. you want more tattoos = no x. you do drugs = no. I didnt take 3 years of DARE for nothing :P x. you smoke = look above x. you like cleaning = sure x. you like roller coasters = no x. you write in cursive or print = print x. you carry a donor card = nno `for or against.. x. long distance relationships = it's sweet and idealistic but it's honestly just an excuse to torture another person who you can't even see. kinda like online dating woot. x. suicide = against x. killing people = dude what kind of question is that. against x. teenage smoking = against x. doing drugs = again DARE is the answer x. driving drunk = against x. soap operas = i used to watch passions sometimes back in like 8th grade. but I dont know. I don't like them much. grahss people with no morals get dull after a while `best.. x. gum = any really. except stuff that makes you gag or have even worse breath after eating it x. tv show = smallville? x. thing to collect = I collected bottlecaps, stamps, pokemon cards, and pencils all at one point in my life x. colors of all time = green? x. thing to do on a rainy day = dance outside in the rain until your neighbors start staring and your parents tell you to get inside. that's why you do it at night :P x. feeling in the world = when you're either in love or asleep. at least that's what I've heard `favorite.. x. food = ...the list is really endless. x. song = changes too often x. thing to do = haha hmm. I don know x. thing to talk about = anything really x. sports = swimming, basketball, biking x. drinks = water milk and juice x. stores = ...walmart :P j/k x. picture = n/a x. movies = breakfast at tiffany's x. holiday = xmas and/or thanksgiving x. cars = I just need a car. I dont care what kind lol `have you... x. ever cried over a guy = sure x. ever lied to someone = yeah x. ever been in a fist fight = hmm I dont remember but probably not x. ever been arrested = no `what... x. shampoo do you use = depends which one I grab first. johnsons baby stuff, pantene pro-v, or V05 fruit crud x. perfume do you use = gap "simply white" right now x. shoes do you wear = tennis shoes x. are you scared of = too much 'number... x. of continents I have lived in?: one x. of drugs taken illegally?: none x. of people from middle school that I stay in contact with?: wow i dont remember but probably a lot x. of cd's that I own?: 15 maybe? x. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: a few times x. of scars on my body?: not many x. of things in my past that I regret?: hmm not much ' in the last 24 hrs have you x. cried? yeah x. fallen? yup x. eaten? yes x. given someone a hug? nope x. kissed someone on the cheek? nope x. really kissed someone? no x. regreted something? ...yes x. bought something? no x. told someone you loved them? no x. told someone you hated them? no x. stolen something? no x. had something stolen from you? no. well. I dont know x. hit someone? no x. slept? yup x. yelled at someone? no ' current x. clothing? well I did this quiz then my grandparents came and I stopped at the "Number..." questions- went to sleep after a while and now it's like 7:15 in the morning to yeah... um. Impact shirt and red pj bottoms x. music? anything and everything... it's very sad x. thought? "what would you rather have andrea- a life, or a future?" x. drink? i want one but i dont want to go downstairs this early... too cold x. time? 7:15 am x. talking to? no one x. chatting with? no one x. buddies online? right now? i'm not online right now. Current Mood: determined Current Music: "arms of an angel" -sarah mclachlan (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, November 14th, 2003
1:40 pm	bleh i'm in ap computer science but i'm already done with my programs so i'm basically just writing in here to make funny type-writ-ey noises so ms. terrant thinks i'm working. if i didnt have to make these typ-ey noises then i could just be studying french right now ...but naw. so yeah my dad might be mad but hey :/ ::noises:: de de dede de de haha i like sounding like a machine... today was... hmm. not that great. but first- i have to start out with yesterday: i woke up early to take lizzy and muhself to listen to gloria's FCA(fellowship of christian athletes) speech on witnessing.. we didnt join or anything but the speech was pretty good.. even though me and lizzy and aswathi made up like 1/3 of the audience lol o well.. then i had school :( ick. got progress reports. emphasizing what an azn failure i really am... ::sigh:: how depressing. after school- since it was a 1/2 day aswathi lizzy vivian and i went to bubble island and hung out till like 12:30 where i went home and biked to tamara's house where we attempted to study chemistry. at 2 something we walked to yvonne's house (stopping by my house on the way to see duh bunny ^^) to get lizzy then walked back to tamara's. we got back to my house at 4 (around)and hung for like i duno a while till it was time to go to see scary movie 3 till like 9. didnt get to sleep till 10 though... ugh. and see i need like sleep from 8:30 pm or else i'm like exhausted the next day :P today was bad too... my dad cried cuz of my grades.. then i cried too (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 8th, 2003
7:33 pm	i need some distraction homecoming night: it really wasn't that bad. even though I didn't go to the dance. i went to voice lessons with katherine (a.k.a. duh master ceisinski) and sang till five. almost decided on "danza danza" song instead of "tu lo sai" for the recital in five weeks. and we talked about music schools and such. then me and my dad stopped by mcdonalds on the way home. so we sat and talked while all these little tykes ran around screaming (it was some kids birthday) and i duno... kids are so cute ^^ then we went home... and now I'm looking up video camera's online. to see which one i wanna buy with my prize-thing from the t-shirt design contest -_^ (its a wink) well i think i should buy like twenty-five cent lollipops for our lunch table cuz they all voted fo muh shirt :P if just to make them happy lol and my new favorite songstress of all time... is now... sarah mclachlan. i loved her "angel" song the first time I heard it five years ago... but i never found out who sang it. but when I heard it just now I totally remembered it ^^ weird huh? its like the song of my life :P http://www.s3ra.de/music/angel.html (cut and paste link to listen) "You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie you're in the arms of the angel may you find some comfort there ... It don't make no difference escaping one last time it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees In the arms of an angel... You're in the arms of the angel may you find some comfort here" now i always had this thing that kind of bothered me about this song. even though it's the best song in the world. just... I don't believe in seeking angels instead of God. because they're God's messengers. and I shouldn't be afraid of directly-talking to God honestly.. but there's something awesome about wishing about flying off somewhere with an angel... and i dont think that's like- heathen-like lol either i mean... elijah and that other dude who went to heaven without dying- they were carried off by angels right? i sometimes wished I was an angel... when I was a little kid (like the ones at mcdonalds) I used to swing for hours with my brother on the playground at school or at the park. and there would always be a point high off in the distance that I'd pick out and we'd try to swing high enough to put our feet in front of our view of -say a tree in front of us- and say we were walking on the tree... but then we'd have to come down again.. because we were after all, swinging up and down... I'd get so dizzy after a while. but I'd still do it. I'd keep swinging even after my brother got tired of it.. and I'd get so mad at myself for getting dizzy and sick. because I felt so free when I was rising above the ground. sometimes I'd feel so sick of the rubber swing and wish i had none.. that I was just floating up there in the air.. forever. or rise and keep swinging upward till I reached heaven.. but then I'd remember my dizziness and be angry again that I had a body... I guess we all are. i mean like we're all limited by our bodies even though our souls belong in a better place that we're always wishing we'd go too.. but we have to stay here. I was so much smarter when I was a kid. and a better person. i guess... because i didnt know so much I guess.. or maybe I just forgot everything I was born with and started learning the stuff we all learn on earth. :/ wow.. i just reread this entry and I'm sounding way too deep for me.. but its kind of cool. analyzing a song and getting into old memories and all... hmm. but yeah.. it was a good night. "I need some distraction oh beautiful release memory seeps from my veins let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight In the arms of an angel fly away from here" LATER wow i've written a lot.. but im not done! haha at like eight at night oliver told us all that there was like an eclipse or something and the moon would turn red.. so we all (thuh family) walked outside but couldnt see anything so we all walked to the golf course and stood there for a while just like... it was really.. woah. me and oliver started running back and forth from hill to hill cuz the golf course is just like awesome at night.. and i really dont think people cared that we were out there. a couple even walked by us to see the moon too. and some biker man. so we sat there for like forever in the dark and the sky was all red/blue. but at times the sky would get all light and stuff in one spot and we'd see the moon. it wasnt red (go figure) but it was really cool. mommy and daddy got bored so we all walked back but me and oliver only went back home to get a camera, then walked back to the golf course -armed with fig newtons- and took pics of the moon for lagoon entries. it was cool. oh hey and apparently we both thought it'd be cool to just like hang out there from now on whenever there's an eclipse. but that's a secret. only the cool sneak out onto the golf course in the middle of the night to look at the moon. :P .and then we started getting all philosophical and saying how the moon was like symbolism and stuff lol like love how it disappears after a while then comes back and how if the moon was just sitting there without any clouds we'd probably've gotten bored sooner.. then we looked at muh brothah's watch finally and it was like 9:20 so we wandered back and hung out and now im tired... church tomorrow :) Current Mood: happy Current Music: "full of grace" -sarah mclachlan (Comment on this)
Monday, November 3rd, 2003
12:01 pm	i don't know why but I feel pretty good right now. maybe its because the windows open... :P there's just something about fresh air- real air that just makes you feel more energized kind of ^^ but yeah.. so I'm good. but earlier I was like.. i dont know. I almost passed out in school today. I dont know why I always get myself into things and never know when to quit. I passed up swas pumpkin thing thursday, and halloween w/ ppl. friday i actually went to youth group but dang i was sooo sick. my nose was like. bright red. then saturday I had piano, audition, and a play w/ lizzy. it was just bad. I was like.. really out of it. rambling and yeah I dont like my medicine that much anymore. it makes me drowzy. sunday i went to church and it was cool I guess... for some reason cj and gloria keep getting us to go to efc after small groups. because they feel the need to try and outdo each other in basketball. ::sigh:: makes me wish I had game... haha oh well. its cool though. me and vivian just like walked around a little then played pingpong for a while. but I dont know that many of the efc kids though. those boys. charles wasn't there and neither was alice. and zane was like "oh you guys're here again" so we felt a little weird I think. but hey what do I know. I'm the cripple :P so yeah sunday passed uneventfully.. then today and I honestly dont know why I felt so sick today.. but I kept coughing- I ate a total of eight cough drops before 4th period. I left english twice to go to the nurse. then once in apwh for more cough drops. Angela kept warning me about how I was going to get high or something. I'm serious she's like my mom sometimes hehe and I love her for it. so on my third time to the nurse, in chemistry, the lady finally took pity on me and let me call my mom. which leads to my being home at 12:16 in the afternoon on my brother's comp next to the open window. come to think of it there're only a few people I know who I could really trust. like angela. it's not that I'm necessarily close to them, or talk to them more than other people, but I'm really lucky to have them around... not that other people arent special. I'm actually more close to some people who I don't trust that much.. but it's like a vibe that you can like.. i dont know. depend on them? hmm. Your element is Air. You are an artistic person with a unique sense of style. You are intelligent; although prone to wonder in thought which, prevents you from paying full attention to most things, constantly active and most likely like to sing. Constantly moving the air is a force of nature. One moment you can be a breeze the next a tornado. What's your element brought to you by Quizilla isnt that cool? it's like... a bird :P but it makes me sound like a drama queen or something lol Current Mood: refreshed Current Music: "clarity" -john mayer (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 1st, 2003
10:57 pm	and apparently when im sick i get this incredible urge to spend all of muh time online writing in muh stupid lil blogs... ::sigh:: especially poh blurty.. that no one scept special ppl can read :P lol tonight was cool... that song from shalon's site's still playing on muh computer so im all relaxed... and i dunno the play tonight was good.. even if the only reason me and lizzy went was for extra credit so i'd get what and 103 in ms. thomason's class haha o well... she wore the acupulco shirt ^^ too tired to write anymore... dang. i get bored so easily now. :/ (1 Comment |Comment on this)
3:04 pm	long long post from a sick sick child. :/ I've decided to update longlost blurty... cuz i feel bad. lol and because of a few things I learned this weekend. I thank the Lord now that my pharyngitis came back, although it hurt my throat, gave me a hacking cough, and made my nose turn red, I actually got enough time to sit down and redefine some stuff in my life. Way back when, around after precamp rally, I read zane's xanga for the first time. He mentioned a book by Joshua Harris, called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". at the time I posted it in my blurty randomly and james read it and asked me about it. but yeah i actually got a chance to read it in between outmeal baths and salt water purge-rinse-things. it stated that relationships are only worth pursuing if they have emotion and wisdom combined- like a kite. emotion gets carried away like spurts blown from the wind, but the wisdom keeps it soaring, but while tugging it down periodically. and a lot of the book actually made a lot of sense. there's no point in getting into a relationship with no purpose. that makes it meaningless. therefore- one should only get into one when one is able to. and right now is really not the time to be getting into one with anybody. I'm fifteen. it's unrealistic to think that I could- or should- get married right now. that's cwazy. soo... i guess I am just going to wait until I'm ready and able to get into a relationship. this doesn't mean that I'm giving up on "plab" lol or anything- I still care about him a lot... but I might be wrong. there shouldn't be anything more though. and I shouldnt have expected more. and the author started to sound like my dad sometimes too... wow. like the fact that one shouldn't spend time alone, one-on-one with a person you're attracted too- because it keeps you from knowing that person for who he/she really is. if you want to see their personality you have to observe how they interact with others in a group setting. You want to see them there, but you also leave them alone once in a while so that you're not distracting them from God, after all, if it's at a place like youth group, the purpose should be for worship. I've also decided to save my first kiss for when I get married. again because of the book lol but it's true. kissing is the first stage of physical closeness, and I also read in this book from Gina (counselor from Impact) that you can't physically be close to someone without having some part of you emotionally attached as well. That's why I also heard that many couples feel closer than they actually are, because they are physically involved, but aren't necessarily close on a spiritual or platonic level yet. I dont want to be emotionally (and obviously therefore physically) involved with someone who I might not marry. Otherwise when and/or if I do, I'd have all this baggage that I'd either have to hide from him, or tell him. Either way I wouldn't want too. because I'm a wimp. :P oh hey and I have finally decided what I'm going to do with my 100 dollar prize(from that clhs t-shirt design contest thing i won like... months ago :P) to the Baybrook mall. ^^ woot. ...I am going to 1) buy 100 dollars worth of chinese cuisine-goodness at the food court or 2)spend on clothes and a new vaccum for my mom -cuz she's always lugging around this huge mondo steam-cleaner-of-death to clean up our carpets and stuff and yeah... i duno or 3) wait until christmas and buy cool gifts instead of my normal cheap-dollar-store-typical-azn presents :P haha wow.. being sick has made me start to think too much. and now I'm rambling again. so i'm gonna stop right here. and hey i just realized... i've started to sound deeper lately.. maturity? or spellcheck? ..hmm Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: "the first cut is the deepest" -sheryl crow (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 29th, 2003
5:24 am	official hc entry ^^ woohoo. but yeah. cuz i dont want xanger mailing out muh entries and stuff. ugh. and i tink im getting sick... :( so yeah i need like an official homecoming entry. ...i thought i had it settled by just saying I was gonna go with a group of girls. but then i got asked yet again- and a whooole lot of people got the impression that we were gonna go together just as friends. so um... i duno. i guess i should go to youth group that night. because I'm a little-asian-church-girl. haha. besides i wrote in my xanga too- that I wouldn't go with any guy unless I really liked him. and the only guy i might like is some kid down the street so um... i guess that means no homecoming for me. wow that was simple. Current Mood: awake Current Music: "breathe" -michelle branch (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 26th, 2003
6:11 am	"I believe in the sanctity of dreams" its sunday morning... 6 in the morning. i got 12 hours of sleep last night so im good :P dang... but my dad's gonan be mad again. cuz i'm supposed to only get like- 8 hours tops. ugh... stupid growing-up-ness. wat if it's beauty sleep? haha. then it's like... necessary right? o well. lessee friday wat happened friday... two pep rally's, and walking around a lot. slept through classes again cuz i was soo tired. then me and lizzy walked around a little cuz we missed our buses and then muh mom took us home. i forgot to say no to jimmy too... :/ i mean justin told me u shouldn't go with a guy unless you really like him. and i dont like any of the dudes who asked me... so yeah. then swas at the armand bayou nature center where me and lizzy and sur(n?)ita stood in a cold lil cabin-type-thing and passed out trail mix. BRING BAC THE COOKIES lol peanuts suck. well i dont have anything against them personally but my sister's like hyper-allergic to them so yeah... cookies are better. i kept like advocating my "halloween sucks" mantra haha it was hilarious. i cant believe lizzy's blowing me and all the clcc kids off to go to some part-ay :P o well saturday was cool- fbla workshop and social where i bought my punk shirt at :P haha... and my mom said its too far away so i dont have to return it either ^^ skillas man. then studied for a while... ugh. slept 12 hours till church sunday... walked to efc cuz some kids wanted to play basketball. and i remembered why i dont play sports( ...cuz i suck. haha) and so i just like sat around for a while then we walked back and yeah... man my life's like... boring. o well. that's it. oh yeah and i'm serious from now on im not talking to any guys unless I like them. cuz they just misunderstand. "Well its all so overrated In not saying how you feel So you end up watching chances fade, and wondering what's real, And I give ya just a little time. I wonder if you realize. I've been waiting till I see it in your eyes. If I just breathe let it fill the space between I'll know everything is alright. breathe every little piece of me you'll see everything is alright. If I just breathe" Current Mood: restless Current Music: "rest in pieces" -saliva (1 Comment |Comment on this)