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Sunday, September 28th, 2008
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1:02 am - yet again
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Ever have that feeling, when you feel as if theres absolutely nothing inside of you? Or everything is just twisting on the inside, twisting harder and harder until you can't breathe; and just when you feel like it can't twist any tighter, it does, and you feel as if you're choking? I do. Every minute of every day.
I told myself I wouldn't go back to this. I wouldn't read back, only move forward. But here I am at 1 in the morning reading back, when I should be doing math homework or researching for my english paper, not reading back. I don't want to write fully on what's happened in the past almost two months. Because then I know I'll just think about it in more detail and continue to slowly kill myself. Just as I had rightly assumed, he was off with Karen. With all my suspicions and gut feelings, I still continued to hold on, and face the other way. It ended, the last week of August or so, when I had went over to his house, knowing he was at work so I wouldn't run into him, to get my dad's trimmers, that I had used to cut his hair only a week before. I got to talking with his mom, go figure, for almost 4 hours and near 10 he walks in and asks what I was doing here. I didn't say anything because I couldn't and before I know it he was out the door again and said he would be back. Shortly after I left his house for the last time. He had called later that night and said he had to go back into work and then explained how he loved me and I would always have a place in his heart. He was sorry everything didn't always go my way. AKA sorry I'm leaving you for the 53th time. After that conversation, I ignored him. Ignored his calls and texts.
I did good. I felt proud that I stood up against him. Until the night before school started and he called me. I don't know why I answered, but I did. He went on to say how he missed me, missed being around me, I was the funniest girl he's met. I got to see him the next day in class. And on Wednesday. And then again every Monday and Wednesday for two hours. It went fine, we sat next to each other, joked and laughed. Then 2 Wednesday's ago.. I was at work closing and the very last order of the night was some girl. She ordered and when she got to the window, it was Karen. I looked a little closer and there was George in the passenger seat of his car trying to hide his face so I couldn't see him. I gave her the food, and off they went. That night, I got online and took him off my myspace. Deleted every picture off there of him, every picture off my phone, his number, texts.. everything. Threw the ring out the window driving down the road. I was determined to get rid of everything around me, that reminded me of him. That following Monday I walked into class and sat in the front row with him behind me. He went to turn in his homework or something and he came to sit next to me and ask me what this was all about. I didn't say anything and all he said was "It wasn't intentional. I tried to call you." I just shrugged and said yeah. After class I booked it out of there and ran to my next class. That Wednesday he caught up with me after class and tried to tell me again it wasn't intentional. I didn't say anything and kept walking faster. He was in class on Monday and I had missed Wednesday. I think he might of dropped the class.
I still can't grasp the fact that I am once again in this position. That I'm the one that has to hurt and deal with the ongoing mixed feelings, not knowing what to do with them. I think or hear something that reminds me of him, a good time and I want to call him to let him know. I drive by places and think of the times we went there together and how much fun we had. Then theres the days where all I can think about is all the horrible things he's done or said to me, and I never want to see or hear about him again. Like I said, it's a constant battle of emotions that literally has me exhausted. I go over every detail I have, trying to figure out where it all turned wrong. Something I said or did? Didn't do or say? I don't like not knowing and I don't like and am sick of being in this position.
As far as showing or talking about the situation, I've been fine. Everyone thinks I'm fine and happy and nothing is wrong. I do have work and school, literally taking up every minute of my time, which in a way helps because I'm not thinking about him. Some days I don't think about him, and others it's all i can think about. Everyone keeps telling me to find someone else, someone who wouldn't hurt me and want to set me up with guys they know. Even with guys I do know, all I can talk about is what happened between George and I and there they go, scared and annoyed with me. My dad especially, asks me how I was shortly after I told him we were done, and I said fine. He kept telling me if I was fine, and I didn't hurt on the inside then it wasn't real love. I just said I guess so and let it be. I'm not big on showing emotion or even admitting to the pain. It also doesn't help that his mom still randomly texts me, or even stopping into my work and asking how I am and that she misses me.
I wanted us to so badly work. So bad I ignored everything around me. I do know it is my fault. I accept all blame and punishment. but, now I'm once again alone. Sad. Empty. Clueless. I don't know who I am anymore. I never thought I'd be this kind of girl, the kind that continues to fall apart, get torn apart, to only go back for more. I don't know who I am, but I do know that I won't be torn apart anymore. I know I've said this before but.. after 3 and a half years, were finally done. Were finally over.
The End.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, August 2nd, 2008
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9:04 pm
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| Saturday, July 26th, 2008
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11:22 pm - as the story goes...
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I'm an over analyzer. I don't really know if he's off with her or not. I could just be making a big deal out of nothing. But it's hard not too though, since he's so secretive and I know his past. I am his past. I stayed at his house the other night; when we woke up, he was on myspace and had asked me to get onto mine so he could see someones pictures. I did, but forgot about Molly's message to me. After he was done looking at the pictures, he hovered over the mail link and said "what do we have in here?" I said there was nothing that he could look in it, but as soon as he was about to click is I freaked out and told him he wasn't to look in there. Of course that put him over the deep end and questioned me on what I was hiding from him. After 5 or so minutes of wrestling him I finally gave in and said there was a message from Molly. He asked to read it, so I did. He wasn't too mad.. he said she was lying about them hanging out, that he had seen her but they didn't hang out. He went on about how she was crazy, and that just proved it, by sending his "fling" a message about him. His exact words.. a fling. He also admitted to lying to her, because she lived in a different city. How he couldn't lie to me, because I know everyone around here, live around here. I wanted to tell him that he lied to everyone around here about us being 'friends' last summer but kept my mouth shut. A bit later he continued to say that he still cared for her, and loved her.. that you really couldn't help not to car about someone you loved. After that was done, we had a rather normal day. Went to breakfast with his parents came home and had sex, even though I was on my period. We went into his parents shower, not to mention that was the first time we've ever had sex where both of us were completely naked. He also got his phone back.. which I don't in a way really like. Still impossible to get a hold of him.
He's also moving back home, 3 states away. He says he has too many distractions here and needs to grow up. I'm kind of in a way hoping this is just a fluke, because I seriously, personally don't know what the hell I will do if he does leave. I like to believe that in some weird mysterious way we could still somehow manage us. He says I'm not a distraction and asked if I would come visit him. He even offered me to stay at his house when he was gone if his parents okay'd it.
Literally every piece of everything is falling down around me. I finally told him about my family problems, mostly my mom. I didn't want to, I didn't want him to judge me. But he had called at the wrong moment, and I couldn't come up with any reason at the moment of why I was crying. He's the only one that knows besides family, and says he's not there to judge me. I kinda just wish I could go back to May, June.. when we hung out every moment we could. He's so distant now, I don't know who the hell he is anymore. Last Saturday, after the Friday night fight, I had packed up all of his clothes I had, ring, earrings, everything I had and was tempted to drop it off at his house and be done with him. Every time I think about it, it makes me sick and I can't. Maybe him moving is a good thing.. maybe. It's crazy how so much can change in a month.
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| Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008
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1:14 am - Goodbye?
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I rather hurt from letting you go, then continue to hurt knowing you're lying to me and sneaking around.
I'm not stupid. I did the whole sneaking around with him for over two years. Yet I think he's intentionally trying to put it out there that he's taking up a liking to his new girl, Karen. Like he wants me to find out, and to stop talking to him because he has no fucking balls to do it himself. I talk to him maybe once a day, thats if I'm lucky. He says he's playing halo or whatever with his friends at night; or he's too tired to hang out. It's just neverending excuses with him. I know he's up until 3 or 4am talking to her. His myspace status is "George is thinking about you, not you... you" I asked him about it last night and he just shrugged it off like he had no idea what I was talking about. He moved her onto his top 8 or 12 or whatever he has, but yet where am I? He's still listed as single. He doesn't care. He doesn't care about me, never has, never will.
I don't know how he literally can tell me he loves me, and then go off and see her. I know he is. I'm done. it hurts too much.. I don't know what the hell I did to deserve this. Molly was right.. when I tired so hard to prove to her he has changed. It's my fault. I have no one else to blame but myself.
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| Friday, July 18th, 2008
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1:19 am
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| Tuesday, July 15th, 2008
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7:52 pm - I hope she's worth it.
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It's not even Molly I need to worry about. It's not about her one bit. It's Karen. A girl he works with; and he thinks I'm stupid that I don't know. He forgets I did this shit too with him for two years. "Too tired to hang out at night" he's "running errands" Bullshit.
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| Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
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12:45 am
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I am absolutely fed up with how things are going. One minute he's all over me, holding me and the next throwing me off him and making smartass remarks. I'm sick of jumping back and forth from friends to a couple. I never know what to expect from him or what he wants at that time. George and Molly HAVE been talking just as I assumed; and caught him in a lie. Just the other night, I was online and seen he was on as well when he had told me he was going off to his friends and I had to leave. Well come to find out well come to read.. Molly's away message clearly stating facts about George. After I had IMed asking why he wasn't at his friends I sent him "Oh nevermind I know why" and signed off. He called not even two minutes later asking what I had meant. After a few 'nothings' and 'it doesn't matter' I finally asked if he was talking to Molly. He acted surprised and said No they didn't talk anymore and they hated each other. Yesterday he got onto his computer and said "Oh Molly IMed me" I didn't say anything because one, I didn't care and two, it was just going to piss me off more. Supposedly she said she was sorry about the other night, and they shouldn't talk again anymore and it was immature, they were bored. I didn't look over to read it I just ignored him.
I haven't slept over in over 2 weeks, besides last Friday night because I was too drunk to drive back home without him following me. Even then, when we woke up, I had to stay downstairs because his friend had came over. And then basically sneak out. I am seriously ultimately fed up with him at the moment.
I've been talking to an old friend too lately. Which is bad on my part because he's like George. I get tempted to go out and hang out with him, but I know that would only cause trouble with me. I've been in such a pithole lately and I don't know how to get out. I don't understand how I can seriously be unhappy more then I'm happy. Sure I can change things, but then would involve changing my entire life. Every single aspect of it. I honestly wish I knew what the hell George specifically wants out of me, besides sex. No one thinks were going to last, well maybe not everyone, just everyone who knows our history doesn't think so. I'm beginning to question it.
current mood: annoyed
current music: Vanessa Carlton- Hands on me
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| Monday, June 30th, 2008
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11:08 pm - Yikes.
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Something is wrong with me. The past few times I've had sex, I start to bleed. Afterwards, it stops or sometimes I'll spot for a few hours. It's not like a blood read either (sorry for the gory details) it's almost a brownish color. I've looked online about it, but all I got was it was either someones first time, something cancerous, or it just happens if the sex is too rough. Which is isn't. I've got to get this insurance at work soon so I can get to a doctor. It is scary though, considering my past medical history in that lower area. I'm afraid something is wrong with my ovary, or something along those lines. Plus I really need to have sex.
On another note, I'm registering for classes in a few days. Exciting but then again depressing. I'm not wanting to fully grow up yet. The idea of getting into an actual career and having to 100% take care and support myself.
George..well he's still George. He's been going out almost every night to his friends house. I haven't slept with him in a week. I have that thought in my mind that hes doing what he did with me a year ago, with Molly. I don't know why. I want to trust him but it's so hard to fully trust him especially after Molly messaging me a few weeks ago. That's still going around and around in my head everyday. He says he'll call me that night, but never does. His excuse is he doesn't want to wake me up. I've been considering to actually follow him to see if he's really going to where he says he is. But I don't want to break what little trust we actually have, with being caught. And I think I rather not know if he is going to see her. I've been in a horrible mood lately. I'd like to blame it on PMS and hormones but I think it's a little bit more. I just don't know what.
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| Wednesday, June 18th, 2008
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10:52 pm - via myspace
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"Alice-
almost 3 years ago when george and i started dating, you IM'ed me and said that i was lucky to have him, i don't know if you remember this. well i hear from georges's friend steve that you and george are dating. and now i'm sending you a message like you sent me one.
the act of me sending you a message can be perceived in multiple ways. you could assume that i am not over george, and that i'm trying to psych you out. in fact, i'm almost positive that thats how you'll take this message. but let me assure you, i am most definately, permanently, completely over george.
i guess it's also odd that i am sending you, of all people this message, seeing as how while george and i were going out, i was constantly worried about him cheating on me with you. i hope you can understand why, seeeing as how your ex sent me a message about you guys sneaking around together. plus there were all the random texts and 4am phone calls from your number. and it was, admittedly, a little bit crazy for me to show up
at your work that one night, hysterical. but that's all in the past and this is my point...
george drove me crazy with his lies. he is a good liar. he is good at playing innocent, like the victim. he claims that he is a changed guy. And you know, i guess it's possible, because I have definately changed. but george lies so damn much, i doubt he even knows the difference between his lies and the truth.
i'm not sending you this message because i care about your mental well being. because i don't. i'm sending this to you because i hope i can prove to you that he is a liar, because i don't want him to ever get away with it again. maybe you guys deserve each other. maybe you can handle the possiblitiy that you are being lied to better than i could. but i think that george is such a huge piece of shit and i'd like to see him sad and alone for the rest of his life because of what he did to me.
maybe you think that he wouldn't lie to you, maybe you think that I wasn't the right girl for him and you were the right one the whole time. which makes me wonder if you know that george and i hung out just over a month ago, and what exactly happened when we hung out. i wonder if you even know why we broke up.
i wonder if he is lying to you like he did to me.
and you know, i would love it if you could prove to me, and shock me, by telling me that he isn't lying, that he has been honest with you. because if he really is a changed guy, then i would sleep easier at night, and maybe have a little more faith in people. but i doubt you can do that.
so goodluck with george. i hope for your sanity that he is no longer a manipulative liar looking out only for his best interests. i hope he doesn't fuck you over, again and again, like he did to me. and i hope you can see through him faster and clearer than i could. i'd like to say, as you said to me, that you are lucky to have him...but i'm not one to lie.
-Molly"
I re-read this message at least 6times before I could finally look away and turn the computer off. I tried to occupy my mind with cleaning but I couldn't help but think of what she said. I didn't know they exactly hung out, over a month ago, when she called him. But when he had texted me later in the day saying he wanted to tell me something but didn't want to make me feel bad.. I had a gut feeling they had hung out, and this only proves I was right. I want to write her back but I don't know where to begin or what to say except everything that he did lie to her about and everything she thought was going on, was actually going on. That I'm more then likely responsible for his lies. I'm not going to stick up for him or ignore this at all. I can't because the words are burned into my mind. I don't know if he's lying, and I like to think hes not, although he already has. I don't know whether to bring this up to him or not. I know it'll only cause a huge fight, which I don't really want to start. I can't see how or when he would have time to lie to me except the 45hours a week I don't see him, and he's usually riding or now, at work. I can either go with it, possibly end up hurt later or end it and hurt now. The only question is which one do I choose?
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7:02 pm
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I don't know what to do anymore. For the first time in months i feel completely empty, emptier then I've ever felt and so utterly confused.
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| Thursday, June 12th, 2008
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10:44 pm - 3 months now..
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I never realized I would miss him as much as I do with him starting work again. We are in fact together despite the fact we never actually made it official, or said the words. The first time 'George' and 'Boyfriend' were in the same sentence together was the other day when his mom called me asking me where my crazy ass boyfriend was or something along those lines. Pretty much everyone knows about us, which they should seeing as how he brings me around his friends or has them up at work to eat, or better yet leaving " I love you =)" on my myspace.
Better news is Molly has a new boyfriend which I don't know why makes me shutter with happiness. I did though suspect something when I seen on his computer that he had an IM with her. He also made a comment the other day about last year when we went to Cedar point about he saw her best friend there. Hearing him say her name or even imagining them together or talking makes me sick and sad and puts me in a horrible mood. I never thought I'd actually be with him, and yet I'm with him almost everyday.
I am absolutely in love with him. Things are actually really well right now. It's sort of out of my nature to have things my way or to actually feel this way everyday. I sometimes still have a problem with me keeping a distance from him. I don't know if its out of habit, not kissing him or anything. He makes comments sometimes saying he's always the one that has to kiss me first and so on. But he also has to realize for over 2 years, I was just the side girl. I'm still getting use to the girlfriend things with him. I hate not being able to sleep with him. I always have a hard time falling asleep when I'm at home and it's always a restless sleep, waking up in the middle of the night and hes not in reach or hearing his breathing.
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| Sunday, June 1st, 2008
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1:46 pm
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| Saturday, May 24th, 2008
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11:07 pm - He's home.
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We've been great, with a few minor but major exceptions. I'm usually at his house every night/day, when I'm not at work or when I need to shower and grab a weeks worth of clothes.
He's been showing me off as his lately. Which I couldn't be any happier. We've been hanging out with his friends, and he makes it a point to touch my back or hair or be near me. We got into a bit of a fit last weekend though. I was a little drunk, he was as high as anyone could possibly get and he thought I was flirting with another guy there. We wanted to go to Taco Bell and asked me to drive him so being me I said sure lets go. We walk out of the apartment and he said he needed to go to his car to get money, so I just got into my car. I look up and he's pulling out and takes off. I called him a few times and then finally texted him saying 'thanks' and he responded back with "leave me alone alice" so I didn't say anything, not to mention I was trying to drive home at 3:30am drunk and I get another text from him saying "I hope you don't plan on me talking to you anytime soon" I asked him why and thats when he said something about me flirting with the guy which I WASN'T! I knew him from highschool and we were talking about a few girls who were pregnant/have kids. I told him and when he didn't respond back, I decided it would be a good thing to text him "I'm glad you got what you wanted out of me" when he then said something about how he was into me and he even told me he loved me but what hes seen he didn't know about me anymore. So I kinda told him to stop and to knock it off and that I loved him and it's him, it's always been him but the conversation stopped at 4am. Sunday I tried calling him almost every hour and texting him I was sorry for whatever it was I did and to talk to me, but I never got anything out of him until 10pm when I had misspelled a word or two on a text and then finally told me to come over after work. It was a little awkward when I got there and we really didn't say much expect he asked me if I went back into the party. We went downstairs after he ate, and we sat apart until he finally opened his blanket up for me to come in and lay next to him. We ended making up *wink* and went to bed.
Since then it's been fine. No sign of Molly, except whenever he doesn't text me for a long period of time or his phone is off, theres always that though in the back of my mind that shes called him again and they're talking or going out to lunch. I'm trying to lay that to rest but it's so hard, especially now that shes single, and her best friend's boyfriend is Georges best friend.
I got promoted at work as well, and have been working almost 10hours more a week which totally bites, since the weather is finally staying in the 70s and I can no longer go home early. I still want to move out, soon and closer to work especially now with the ridiculous gas prices. I rather save on gas and be closer to work then school since I work 5 days a week and school is only 2 all day. We'll see though. Once my sister has her baby though, it's going to be tight living here.
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| Monday, May 5th, 2008
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8:59 pm - Square one
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Molly called him last night. I only know this because he texted me this morning and said he wasn't going to keep anything from me. Apparently her and her boyfriend broke up. I tried to be patient and not blow up like I have in the past and asked how it went, which he said was alright. Of course he knew I was upset and tried to be nice and sweet asking how my test was and he hoped I did alright and finally called to ask me to come over for a bit, which I did. As soon as I got there he hugged me and gave me a kiss and told me to stop being a grump. I didn't know what to say or do since the last time they contacted he stopped talking to me and told me he couldn't be with me. When I didn't say anything all he could say was "you know that I love you" and kissed me. Which did make me feel good but then again all I could think about is, did me and Molly just switch roles? Am I now the naive girlfriend whos suppose to know nothing and shes now the girl hes fooling with telling her he loves her too? I can't do this again. Three fucking years is enough. After I left he had texted me saying he wanted to tell me something but didn't want to make me feel bad? Never heard anything when I asked what it was he wanted to tell me, since I don't think I could possibly feel any worse.
Honestly why? We were doing fine. I was happy, truly and utterly happy. Funny thing is, exactly one year ago I was feeling the same exact way. One year ago I was on the phone three-wayed with George and Molly telling her nothing was going on between us. funny.
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| Thursday, May 1st, 2008
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8:32 am - I forgot, until now.
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Theres no word to accurately describe how I feel. Happy, ecstatic, wanted, only cover so much. I forgot how it felt to be actually happy until now. I can't get enough of him, he's my constant high. I spend 5 out of the 7 days/nights at his house. Even if I come over at 1:30 in the morning and have to leave 6 hours later, sleeping next to him feels like home. He's told me a few times, though texts that he loved me, but never told me in person. I was over Sunday night and while we were having sex he grabbed my head, kissed me and said me loved me. Everyone knows about us, including his parents who I know had an idea that we were 'together' because I don't think he actually told them, Alice is my girlfriend, which I'm not but whenever were upstairs around his parents, if we were close or cuddling, he'd make it a point for us not to be, so they wouldn't see until yesterday when we were caught making out on his couch. Which after, he didn't seem to care anymore.
He found old photos of him and we were looking through them and on the camera and we came across one of him and Molly. He went back to it a few times, and you'd think he'd delete it, like the one on his computer that I seen, but he didn't. I know he still constantly checks her myspace.. but I can't be all that mad. I know they were together for over 2 years, and I'd like to believe a part of him did love her, and I know a person can't just drop someone after being with them for awhile. So instead of getting upset and hurt about it and trying to hide it, I'm going to accept it and be happy at that the fact he's with me.
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| Wednesday, April 16th, 2008
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11:27 pm - Finally
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For the last couple of weeks I've spent most of my free time and weekends with George. For the last couple of weeks I've been so unbelievably happy. Were not "a couple" but it sure in the heck feels like it. I don't know exactly what we are.. I guess friends. I went over today and his mom was on the phone and she had answered the door, and when I was walking to the basment, I heard her say "oh that's George's friend.. Alice" and it kinda made me sad.. since they have to know were more then just friends, when they walk into the living room and I'm sleeping on him and he's cuddling with me while watching a movie with his parents. Oh well.
I'm not sure with the whole living together situation. He still hasn't heard back from the air force, and he';s going to court to fight his ticket, so his license isn't suspended. I don't want him to go honestly.
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| Friday, April 11th, 2008
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2:04 am
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| Thursday, April 3rd, 2008
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12:25 pm - Hello roomate?
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I have a few moments to write about my last entry.
George and I have been talking a bit since my birthday. Mainly though texting and myspace and occasionally the phone. I got a call from him, which I may of explained I can't recall if I did, and he said he signed up for the Air Force and he would be leaving in a few months. He had left me a comment on Myspace saying he missed me. When were we going to celebrate my birthday and that he was quitting his work in a month and he had all summer free. So I get a text from him on Sunday saying he was getting an apartment closer to work so he could ride a bike to work. I asked when and who he was moving out with and he said by himself and that he couldn't quit anymore because of situations that arose. He wouldn't tell me why he couldn't quit so I left it at that. Monday we went out to lunch together and he explained how he got another(yes I think this is his 4th speeding ticket) and got his license suspended. So he couldn't quit and he'd be closer to work so he doesn't speed and/or get another ticket and end up in jail.
The weird and shocking part was he texted me the other night and asked if I was going to stay over when/if he got an apartment and after a few texts he said 'Just get an apartment with me' and I asked if he was serious and he said "yeah, but I don't know how that would work out though, seeing as you dont go to school or work out here" so I kinda left it at that and just said "hmm well if you're serious." I didn't take it too seriously since, well c'mon now it's George. Last night I was on my way home from school and he texted me and said he was serious and how would we work it out about my school and work. I told him I'd go all day two days a week again like I have been to save on gas and work, well thats just work and he said alright, don't get your hopes up I still have to talk to the Air Force.
I haven't told anyone, except my cousin who thinks its a bad/good idea and I had to kinda tell my mum since I'd be leaving here. I'm not sure whether or not he's being 100% serious and wants to actually move in with me. I keep thinking it's a bad idea but then again maybe this is his way of saying he wants to be with me? I look at it as, I know he would feel more then uncomfortable bringing home a girl or anything and vice versa. He's waiting on his medical records since he still technically has asthma even though he hasn't used his inhaler or anything in years to my knowledge.
It's still up in the air at the moment. I don't have my hopes up and I don't plan on moving in with him, even though deep down I so want too. Not to just be with him but to actually get out of my house. I just honestly wish things would get easier and go the way I want them too. I think it would be fun to live with him, although I wouldn't ever see him really, except on weekends. I know this can happpen. It WILL happen. I can't keep wishing and hoping and saying "I hope this will happen"
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| Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008
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9:03 pm
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I may possibly be living with George by the beginning on next week. Scary? weird? out of the ordinary?
I know.
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 26th, 2008
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9:37 pm - Ouch
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I've decided to go some life-altering. First step was to completely ignore George. Going good so far. Step two: I chopped 8inches of my hair. It's still long but I needed a change and that was the first thing to change. I've also attempted to start working out and eating right. I think it was 13minutes into the workout and I thought I was going to have a heart attack. But I have faith in myself and as soon as I can walk straight without my butt and thighs aching with every step, I'm going to do it again and make it to at least 15mintutes.
It's starting to get warm. It's suppose to be in the 40's this week with snow still at night *sigh* but at least it's not in the 10's and 20's anymore with random ice/snow storms. So as soon as the snow melts, and I can jog without fear of busting my ass on a patch of ice, I will force myself to start jogging.
I only have 5 weeks of the semester and at the looks of it, I have a B in my Earth Science class, an A in math, a B in English and I'm pretty sure I have a D in government. I don't know how I have a D which is kind of irritating me since that will make my GPA go down. I can not have that happen since I need at least a 3.0 to continue with the program and transfer.
I did hang out with George though the night before my birthday. Well I guess technically it was my birthday since it was after 12am. We went and got something to eat and then 'watched a movie' and then I left at 5:30am and had to be in class at 9am. Stupid stupid idea. I left my first class early to go home and nap, but ended up getting a flat tire at school so I went 39hours of no sleep. I've yet to actually talk to him anymore although he did text me on Easter where I just kept it short and was bitchy towards him. He's going into the airforce now which is good for both of us. He randomly texted me tonight and said "Goodnight Alice =)"
But, I'm going to change. For myself.
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(comment on this)
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