Hmmm.   
06:19am 06/04/2005
 
mood: sad
My cat ran away, now I'm sad. =0(

Oh well.... Maybe she'll come back. I hope so....
 
     

(Attempt Suicide)

 
   
12:41pm 05/04/2005
 
mood: happy
music: Oasis - Hey Now!
Well it has been almost two years since I've updated here. I have no idea what possessed me to do so. But in reading my old entires. All I have to say for myself is WOW. I was insane, pathetic, and needed a life. lmao. Oh well.~

So yeah. LOL

Hmm that's all I have to say for now... :P
 
     

(Attempt Suicide)

 
Laura is comming.. YAY   
07:39pm 01/08/2003
 
mood: happy
music: Linkin Park...From the Inside.
LAURA IS HERE... YAY... Woo Hoo.

Hehehehe... Gonna go for now... Ta Ta
 
     

(1 Killed Themselves X_x Attempt Suicide)

 
Camp...YES   
12:54am 25/06/2003
 
mood: calm
music: Umm...Whatever is on this radio....
Sup journal?...Not a lot here...Just chillen...Dude....Only a couple of more days till I go to family camp....I can't wait...I always go with my best friend Tab...And her family.....I have a ton of friends that I see every year.....Heheheh.....I got my lip pierced...I am so happy about that...It looks cool as hell.... This is going to be a blast this year....Hehe.....Everyone that we hang with...Well cept me and Chris and Stevo....Is over 18 so we can pretty much do what we want...Gotta love that...heheh...Let me tell ya.....Well going to Las Vegas soon...I can't wait for that...It is going to be so much fun...I get to be with my buddie Chris...w00ta w00ta...hehehe....:: sighs happily::...Well I am off of here for now...Ta ta~




Oh...ANd who ever keeps posting stuff on my entries...If you dont wanna read it...Then dont' look at it...SO fuck off~
 
     

(Attempt Suicide)

 
Long Time... NO see.   
02:14pm 14/06/2003
 
mood: sick
music: None...Amazing...I know.
Hey Journal... It has been so long since I have been in here....I don't know why I haven't written really.... I guess just been to busy... And I haven't been on the computer that much lately either.... Oh well.... I have spent a lot of time with my friends and with my grandmother...I would rather be doing that then on here all the time... Well my computer broke...So until I get a video card...I have to use my mothers computer... ANd that really isn't a lot of fun... But hey?... What more can I do... Know what I mean?.. Heh... Well I did date Brandon for about a week... That didn't last..... I think God has something more planned for me... I don't see why that would have happened unless he wants something better for me... Although Brandon is a great friend still... Hehehe...I love to spend time with the kid... He is great... I got to see him, Kevro, Angie, Wardicus, and other people last night... It was really good to see them...I miss those guys so much... Well seeing how I don't live in Norwalk.. Yeah.... That would prevent me from seeing them... lol.... Then God is doing wonderful things in my life agian.. I mean it is amazing all of the stuff he has done... When in doubt... Give it to God... He will know what to do and how to make it happen.... I just wish I could be closer with Him.... I know I can do it... I need His help on a lot of stuff and He knows it.... The more I read the Bible.. The more I love God... I get so intrigued with it... I love it... Hehehe... OH well... I did spend some one on one time with Nate last night... Talking about stuff... He helps so much... I love talking to that kid... He is the greatest... ya know.. I would love to marry Nate or someone like him... Although I wouldn't tell him that... I guess it is all in God's timing on what he has in store for us... I really need to get back in the habit of reading my Bible, praying everyday, and worshiping the Lord... It will happen... It just needs to be now.... Well I am out of here for now...I have some things to do...Talk to you later journal...And it won't be so long..... lol.
 
     

(Attempt Suicide)

 
Hey Hey   
01:40am 31/01/2003
 
mood: Sleepy and silly
music: Christina Aguilera....Beautiful
Hey Journal...Whats up?....Not a lot here...I am in a good mood...Just sleepy and silly.....I am at such an ease...I feel like a little kid...Hehehe...Gotta love it....So how was your day?....Mine sucked....But right now I am in a good mood...It was funny at lunch...I kissed Sean...And he told me he liked it...I was like hell yes...But he loves Jena...And she loves him...hehe....I am waiting for Justin...I miss him soooooo much...I am just a confused girl... lol...I am never gonna get my mind straight...And then Jake his bestfriend is like wanting to get with me...I don't know what to do...I love Justin so much...And I want to be here for him when he gets back...He is so amazing...I love him so much...Hehehe....I am gonna write back to him...Hehehe...The world is just spinning...Know what I mean?...LOL...Of course you do...Hehehe...There is this girl on the Bloodlust forum that I am in....Her name is KrypticKiSs....And she is sooo sweet and kind...She has the hotts for me...And I have the hotts for her...LOL>.....We got a little frisky...lol...Poor Liquid...She was like we dont' need to know...I just laughed...It was so funny....And her boyfriend James is sooo cute...And Pier....WooHoo....Great looking man and he loves me...>Tee hee hee...I know I am sooo silly...But that is ok....Right?....Hell yes it is...::shakes butt and wiggles::....lol...God I am strange....lol....Well I am going for now...I will talk to you laters...Goodnight..
 
     

(Attempt Suicide)

 
What the Hell....   
11:02pm 29/01/2003
 
mood: Sucicidal...
music: BoxCar Racer....There Is
God...What the fuck is wrong with everyone?....Or is it just me?...Fuck I dont' even know anymore..All I know is that I am fucking going insane...And that I can't stand anyone anymore..Damn...I just give up period...I hate it...I can't stand to live anymore...I really dont' know what is wong with me...I guess I am just losing what little mind I have...I keep cutting my arms...I get so upset and mad...And I can't handle it...I just start to slice my arms...And let the blood run down...I sit there and I start to sweat...My hands get cold and clammy...My blood starts to pound in my head....My breathing quickens...What the hell is wrong with me I ask myself....But yet no one can answer me....Only I can...::sighs::...DAMMIT....I keep cutting my arms...But I tell no one...I keep letting my life drain..But I tell no one..WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG?....I don't know...So fuck you...Goodnight.
 
     

(Attempt Suicide)

 
::Tired::   
10:11pm 23/01/2003
 
mood: contemplative
music: Dj Sammy.....Heaven
Hey sup?.....God I am soooo damn tired...I can't even see straight...And my spelling is going to suck in this entry...But I guess that is okies....Know what I mean?.....Anyhow....I went to Sandusky's school today to watch the Toledo Wind Ensemble perform.....I was truly impressed....They play so fast....I loved their sound... Amazing tone and blending...And the dynamics were superb...I enjoyed it....Then we got back to school and stuff...I didn't do a damn thing in any of my classes....I mean it was like a do nothing day.....Then the day just seem to fly by...It was insane....I feel like I wasn't even really here when all of this stuff happened....WeAnd I don't know why...It is better than knowing what is going on....I hate it...Reality sucks...I just wanna stay in my own reality... Better than this damn forsaken world...blah....I can't believe I am like this agian...And I have Will...he is sooo sweet...God I love him so much...I dont' know what is wrong with me....**sighs**...I am just going to go now...See you lata journal.
 
     

(Attempt Suicide)

 
**Sighs....Tired...Sick**   
12:09am 17/01/2003
 
mood: depressed
music: India Arie....Ready for Love
Hey Hey journal....Whats up?.....Not to much here....I am so fucking tired....And my ear is hurting...Blah... Damn it just so sucks right now I tell you...Blah....Lord I just wanna go to bed now...Oh well...I will after I get done writting in here.....So I had an ok day....Pissed Lindy off...She is really fucking mad at me...Oh well... I was just fucking around with her and she took it all offensive and shit.... I was like what the hell?....That is such bullshit... Blah.....Oh well....I can't believe she acted like a two year old...It is ok for her to fuck with people... But when other people fuck with her...HELL NO...She gets all mad and shit....Ahhh....So fucking childish...I can't stand it... She gets on my nerves so bad some days...But this is the first time in a long time that she has gotten like this... So I dont' know what is up... And then she gets mad because I fuck around with John and shit... When I went out with him first and shit....And Hell....I am with Joe...I love Joe....I dont' want John...He is a cutie...But I am way to old for him...I am with my baby....And that is who I want to be with....**sighs**.....I dont' know anymore... I am just so tired of everyone's baby crap....They all fucking whine anymore...About anything...Or maybe it is just me...Probably is me....I seem to be really paranoid lately.....I don't know why though....Oh well... lol.... Maybe I will just flip out on someone...And be like....AHHAHAHAHAHA..eat that.....I would laugh so hard if I did that... Then Meka goes out with Matt...I was like awww.....They are soooo cute....I love them both...They are really good friends to have...hehehehe.....Meka is a lot of fun....I sooo wish I could hang out with her more...But I dont' have a car...So that kinda sucks....But I will have one soon I hope...And then we can go chill and shit.... Matt is hella awsome as well.....Heheh....So damn funny in class....Well I am gonna go for now...I always seem to type a lot on some days...I am tired...So goodnight...Love ya Journal...mandie
 
     

(Attempt Suicide)

 
DO dooooo do do do   
02:03am 16/01/2003
 
mood: calm
music: NONE...WOAH..I KNOW
Heheh...Whats up?...Been a couple of days since I have written...Hehee....It is all good though....So what's up?...Not a lot here....Just chillen.....JOE AND I GO BACK OUT....YAYAYAYAYAYA....I am SOOOOOOOOOO happy now...Tee hee hee...Well I am gonna go..SHort I know...Bye byes.
 
     

(Attempt Suicide)

 
Contemplating stuff......   
12:44am 10/01/2003
 
mood: contemplative
music: Default....Live a Lie
So much on my mind....I went to bed...>But damn...I feel so tired still....I don't know why though..... I am so out of it....And then I talk to Joe tonight...He got shot in the neck with a dart gun....Blah...By Kieths girl Debra.... He was like she said she was sorry..I was like the god damn bitch better be sorry.....I am so protective of him.... I can't help it...I guess it is good at certian places......Meh oh well.....Then we have a PREP assembly tomorrow....YAY...In front of the whole damn school....Blah....Going totally all out tomorrow....I don't wanna be around them damn idiots anymore then they wanna be around me.....blah...>I could just go fucking insane.... I can't stand them anymore...>Blah Blah blah is all I feel...Know what I mean?....yeah you do....I swear I am just so freaking moody lately it isn't funny....I don't know why I am mood either....I have been listeing to a lot of my music lately....It seems to be the only way that I can just be myself....I can escape from it all....From reality and just be me and not worry.....I miss that...I wish I could be like that all the time....But I can't....And I think that is why I am so damn miserable....I get so fucking tired of not being me.....I don't even know why I let idiots who say crap about me get to me....I am not trying to impress them...I dress how I want because I love that....Nothing is going to change that.....blah....I just seem to complain all the time......If I didn't have to pretend to be all happy and nice all of the damn time.....Now that would be me....Calm and relaxed.....I am so tired....I just wish I could step outta myself and just watch myself from another angle......Just to be me....Is all tht I want.....I have been writting a lot more lately......I have been drawin to....Just gets so much off of my mind.......I love to write down how I feel and to release some of the pent up anger inside....Feels good....But I am off to bed for now...I will write when I get home from school....Goodnight Journal.
 
     

(Attempt Suicide)

 
Blah blah   
12:48am 06/01/2003
 
mood: depressed
music: Queensyrche...Silent Lucidity
Blah....That is how I feel....I just want Drake to get back online so that I can call him and then go to bed feeling good.......I am getting kinda moody agian....Blah...I hate how my moods switch so much....God it drives me insane.......I am gonna end up killing something or someone.....I am so outta it to what I normally am...Just great I tell you....JUST FUCKING GREAT....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..........He is on...Adios
 
     

(Attempt Suicide)

 
**....Blah...**   
01:22am 05/01/2003
 
mood: depressed
music: Jane Siberry....It can't rain all the time...
I had a good day I suppose....I am just getting really tired and it is all slowing down....I talked to Joe today...He is nothing but a fucking liar.....I am being to hate him more and more.....But as I talk to Drake.....He makes me so happy...And I can't wait for the day to meet him.....He knows me so well...And no matter what mood I am in...He always makes me smile....I love him sooo much....I can't get him out of mind...He is in my thoughts and dreams......I am watching the excorsist.....I do love this movie....For reasons I can't explain...I sound insane...I know...But that is ok........I am just like in a state of my own mind.....Just day dreaming and like nothing is real to me anymore......I guess I am going to go now....
 
     

(Attempt Suicide)

 
**Thinking once more....   
03:28am 02/01/2003
 
mood: blah
music: Live...Lightining Crashes
Well Joe and I broke up for good...I am glad....It was for the best...We were better off without eachother...I only caused him hell...And then he took it out on me...So it was for the best......It hurts...Yeah...But I will get over it in time..I feel like a huge weight has been lifted...And yeah........I am dating Drake now....I know...All of a sudden...But he is amazing....He is everything I have wanted in a guy....It is truly amazing to have found him... I am really swept off of my feet...I probably sound like a babbling idiot...but I dont' care..>Because at the moment I am happy...And that is all that matters...Well I am off to bed for now..>Goodnight.
 
     

(Attempt Suicide)

 
....Lies....All he does is lie......   
01:38am 01/01/2003
  Joe lied to me agian...Of course....I was supposed to go to his house and stuff...But his parents said no... But he doesn't have the decency to fucking call me and tell me that....So he just lets me sit at home.....Until about nine oclock....Then I gave in and came to kenna's house....But I did have fun tonight......Chad and Louie came over...Tee Hee Hee......That was fun....I am glad I got to see Chad.....Talked to Louie for a bit.....LOL...And Loretta was freaking hilarious...Gotta love it....Know what I mean......I got to meet Amanda...That was cool...She is really nice...And if Loretta touches that damn mouse one more time I am gonna kick her ass so hard....Ahahahahahah........Well that is all for now...I am gonna go...I am gonna watch Monsters INC...lol....THen take a shower...lol....Goodnight.  
     

(Attempt Suicide)

 
....SighS......   
03:06am 27/12/2002
 
mood: crushed
music: Tony Rich Project....Nobody Knows
Joe was supposed to come over tonight....But of course he didn't.....I don't know why I even bother with him.. He had the nerve to ask me if I wanted a threesome.....I was like I don't mind...But she can't screw you.... Like all the way....You know...That him and I would do it...I just am so upset.....I cried...But I don't know why...I am so tired of crying...I thought that my tear ducts would be dry by now.....But no...The tears still keep coming....All I wanted was to hold him and tell him how much he means to me....But I can't even do that....I am so tired of it all...I am going to bed now....*sighs*....Nighty Night..
 
     

(Attempt Suicide)