catherine's Journal
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Thursday, April 14, 2005
3:13AM
Books I've read so far this year
-- Passion's Law
-- Before I Melt Away
-- Remember Me
-- Outlaw's Kiss
-- Forbidden
-- Reckless
-- Dangerous
-- Every Move She Makes
-- The Penwyth Curse
-- Lord of Midnight
-- Night Watch
-- Hunting Fear
-- Mystique
-- Storm Warning
-- Hazard
-- St. Raven
-- Man With a Past
-- How To Marry a Marquis
-- The Duke and I
-- Out of the Dark
-- Chance McCall
-- Nightrider
-- Gone Too Far
-- Tall, Dark and Wanted
-- The Charmer
-- Tap, Tap
-- Conquer the Night
-- Scandal
-- Seized By Love
-- Innocence
-- The Lion in Glory
-- Sacred Trust
-- Seduced
-- The Ex
-- The Magnificent Rogue
-- Pure Sin
-- Play Dead
-- Hot Pink
-- Hurricane Bay
-- My Favorite Mistake
-- On the Loose
-- Silk Confessions
-- One Wicked Night
-- Like No Other
-- Heartbreaker
-- Killjoy
-- The Bride
-- Someone to Watch Over Me
-- Flash Point
-- No Choice But Surrender
-- The Prize
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
1:53PM
Why can't I ever say no to anyone? "S" is coming over. I really don't want her here today. I just don't know how to use that little 2 letter word. I'm scared of hurting someone's feelings. I always do this. Damn it, anyway. I just want to be left alone! I'm really not in the mood to deal with her. I know she's going to drive me nuts. She says the stupidest things and she always has to say "don't tell anyone." Like who would care anyway. I just hope she still isn't here when my husband comes home from work. I won't see him until she leaves. He can't stand her.
Currently Reading: The Secret
Current mood: 
irritated
5:39AM
I'm having a hard time accepting my dad's death. It just doesn't seem real that he's gone. When I call home, I expect him to still answer the phone. It's just so strange. I just don't know where to begin to accept it. How does my heart know he's gone? I didn't get to say good-bye. I didn't see him. It just doesn't seem real . . .
Sunday, April 3, 2005
2:19PM
The other day, my husband left the bedroom door open so that our dog, Princess could come in when she needed to be taken out. He heard her whining and told her to come into the bedroom. She didn't come in but continued to whine. So he went out to see what the matter was. She was sitting in our daughter's room by the window. He asked her what the matters was. She lifter her paw and the cord from the blinds were wrapped around her paw. I thought I was going to die laughing. That was so damn cute how she just lifted her paw to show him.
Currently reading: Flash Point
Monday, March 28, 2005
1:21PM - Cowboy's Prayer
Our Heavenly Father, we pause,
ever mindful of the many blessings
You have bestowed upon us, we
ask that You be with us at this
rodeo, and we pray that You will
guide us in the arena of life.
We don't ask for special favors, we
don't ask to draw around a chute-
fighting horse, or to never break a
barrier, nor do we ask for all day-
light runs or not to draw a steer
that won't lay.
Just help us O Lord, to live our
lives in such a manner, that when
we make that last inevitable ride to
that country up there, where the
grass grows lush and green and
stirrup high, and the water runs
clear, cool and deep, that You, as
our last judge, will tell us that our
entry fees are paid.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
12:45PM
My dad's funeral was yesterday. He was cremated so he wasn't in a casket, but in a wooden box. It was very pretty though. It had an engraved walleye on it. He was big into fishing and hunting. When he was younger he was a saddle bronc rider. They had his cowboy hat and his belt buckles that he had won next to his "urn". He was also in the military so they had the flag behind his urn.
The graveside was extremely sad and hard to take. We held the flag over his grave site while they prayed, shot the 21 gun salute and played the taps. When it came time to bury him, one of my youngest brothers had to get into the grave to set him in. I really did not like that! Like it wasn't hard enough on him the way it was. We each took turns putting dirt on into his grave. The saddest burial I've ever been at. I guess that goes without saying since he's my dad.
Friday, March 25, 2005
8:18AM
The funeral is tomorrow. We're leaving in about 2 hours to get there so I have some time with my family. We haven't had all the family together is a very long time. It's really sad it takes a death in the family for us to get together. I'm really going to miss my dad. I can only hope that he's in heaven looking down on us right now. Maybe sitting at the bar having a beer. Can't write anymore or I'm going to cry and I'm sick of crying.
Current mood: 
depressed
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
10:24AM
He took his last breath yesterday at 4:00. I didn't even know he was that sick. I told my mom the next time he was in the hospital to let me know right away. She never has, it makes me so damn angry. I could have been there, I could have said good-bye. I'm so damn sad!! I don't know how my little brothers are going to cope with his death. My youngest is physically ill. I wish I was there for them. I won't know until later today when the memorial service is.
I'm very angry with my mother right now about how she's taking all this, but I'll leave that as another post.
Currently reading: Killjoy
Current mood: sad
Monday, March 21, 2005
3:11PM
My daughter got 2 goldfish and a snail the other day. The lady at the pet store told us to make sure that the snail stays upright so the fish don't eat him. This morning, we found one of the fish dead in the snail's clutches with a gaping hole in it's stomach. Bizarre. What about warning us that the snail is going to attack the fish. . . hehe.
Current mood: 
amused
5:32AM
24th in the race and 26th in standing . . . poor Dale Jr. He's not doing so hot yet this year. The very last lap of the race was exciting though. I'm going to have to keep my eye on that rookie. He sure knows how to drive.
Currently Reading: Black Silk
Current mood: 
awake
Sunday, March 20, 2005
6:35PM
What a boring weekend. Nothing interesting. Just sat around online or reading. Hopefully this week will be a bit more interesting. Not much else to say.
Currently Reading: Heartbreaker (serial killer)
Current mood: 
bored
Saturday, March 19, 2005
6:37AM
Damn it, what kind of life am I suppose to live doped up? I haven't been taking my anti-psychotic meds for a while because they make me sleep so long and when I am awake, I'm like a zombie. They completely shut down my brain which was suppose to help with the insomnia, but I wanted to be awake the rest of the time. Now I'm paying for it. I'm seeing things and hearing voices again. Why the hell can't I be "normal"? I just want it all to go away!! I can't say anything to my husband because he'll make me take my meds. I was suppose to see my psychiatrist yesterday but she was out sick, so now I don't see her for another 2 weeks. Just so damn sick of it all.
Current mood: depressed
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
4:51AM
Brrrrrrr . . . only 6 degrees out.
Been trying to set up incredimail, but can't log into it. Damn program. If anyone else has this program and knows what to do, please let me know.
I'm tired of people who give unwanted advice. Don't they realize that if I wanted their advice, I'd ask them. Or maybe I'm not doing things their way, because I have my own damn way. You can't tell these people that you don't want their advice without sounding defensive. (I can't anyway) I'm not talking about advice given in here, by the way. I expect any all comments in here. I'm usually a very open person and can look at all angles of situations, but when someone keeps driving their point home when you don't agree, it gets on my nerves.
Currently Reading: Like No Other
Current mood: cold
Sunday, March 13, 2005
1:16AM - Does anyone else name their vehicle?
Just curious to see how many people name their cars and what they name them. I call mine Tori, because she's a Taurus. Anyone else?
Current mood: 
curious
Friday, March 11, 2005
4:41AM
Why is it that you can't find something that you see all the time until the time you need it? It's always there, laying around, until you need it or want it, then poof. . . gone.
My daughter left town to be with her biological dad on Wednesday. She'll be home on Sunday. So my husband and I have the entire weekend to ourselves. Going to rent movies tonight. Thinking about getting Saw, Blade: Trinity, and Jersey Girl. Thought about seeing The Notebook, but I don't know if either one of us would really like it. The rest of the weekend, I'm not sure what we're going to do. I just hope he hasn't promised another friend to help lay tile this weekend.
Sometimes my husband is just too damn nice to others. Laying tile for people for free. He does hundreds of $ of work for nothing just to be nice. I understand they are his friends, but he's never going to get anywhere in business if he does everything for nothing. Ha, he just informed me that after work, we are going over to one of his friend's house to do a "little" bit of work that won't take long. It better not!
Currently reading: One Wild Night (historical romance)
Current mood: lonely
Wednesday, March 9, 2005
7:10AM
I'm an intelligent person, so why is it that my computer can make me feel like an idiot?
I decided that I was going to burn CDs for the first time. I can't even figure out how to download music. What an idiot. It's driving me nuts, so I'm giving up on it for awhile before I get so angry my computer lands on the floor.
*S* stopped over last night. Boy, that was fun having to listen to all her nonsense. I don't think I'll ever understand how stupid people can survive.
Currently Reading: Silk Confessions
Current mood: aggravated
Current music: haaaaaaa. . . I'm too stupid today
Monday, March 7, 2005
7:46PM
Is it just me or does it take forever to get from one page to the next here?
6:55AM
Name: Catherine
Age: 30
Birthdate: XXXXXX
Zodiac Sign: XXXXX
Location: XXXXX
Nickname: Smut Muffin (just by my husband)
Hair Color: Brown
Eye Color: Brown
Piercings: 4 (if you count each separate one in my ears)
Tattoos: 1 (angel on my shoulder)
Freckles: no
Wavy/Straight/Curly Hair: straight
Hair length: shoulder length
Color of nail: not wearing any polish
Do you bear down hard when you write? no
What is on your keychain? just keys
School: hated it while I was there, wish I could go back now
Car: Ford
Have you ever worked for a restaurant? yes
Do you have a pencil blister? no
Do you have those little white marks under your nails? no
Do you have long/short nails? medium
What are you wearing right now? shorts and a tshirt
What time is it? 6:30 am
Date: March 7th
Do you have a lucky number? no
Do you do drugs? no
Do you smoke? yes.
Do you drink? very rarely
Do you have a CD burner? yes
Who do you hate? no one
Who hates you? I hope no one
How many buddies are on your buddy list? (on messenger?) an even 20
How many are online right now? 1
Which ones are you talking to? none
What did you do yesterday? surfed the internet, read, washed clothes, did dishes, cleaned out fridge
What did you do today? took my husband to work
What are you doing tomorrow? don't know yet
What are you doing this weekend? maybe watch movies
What did you do last weekend? slept most of it
What are you gonna do when this is over? wake up my daughter for school
Love and Relationships
Are you currently in love? yes
Have you ever been in love? yes
Your Crush: my husband, of course
First Kiss: Shad
First Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Shad
Is there anyone that you would date again? no
Do you believe in love at first sight? not sure
The last..
thing you ate: bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit
thing you drank: Coke
thing you said: thanks
person you saw: my daughter
person who called you: Shelly
person you called: my daughter's school
person you hugged: my daughter
person you kissed: my husband
person to ride in your car: my husband
car you rode in other than your own: Shelly's
told you they loved you: my husband
movie you watched: Arthur
movie you saw in the theatre: I can't remember . . . been a long time
person you gave the finger: can't remember
person who gave you the finger: can't remember
person you missed: my mom
phone number called: probably one of my daughter's friends
show watched on TV: King of Queens
song heard: don't know
Number of continents I have visited: 0
Number of boys I have kissed in my life: 100,488,914 (how am I suppose to remember that?)
Number of boys I have french kissed: ditto
Number of girls I have kissed: 2
Number of girls I have french kissed: 2
Number of drugs taken illegally: 2, 3 I dunno.
Number of people I would classify as "true, could trust with my life" type friends: if we're talking about actual friends and not family members : 0
Number of piercings: 4
Number of tattoos: 1
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: 1
Number of scars on my body: 2 (thumb & ear)
Number of times a person has made me scared of what they could do to me physically: too numerous by brothers when I was little
Number of things in my past that I regret: a lot!
Sunday, March 6, 2005
1:24AM - I want sex!
One of the things that I had always looked forward to in marriage was that I would always have a partner for sex. I was sooo wrong! I want it every day, maybe a few times a day. My husband would be happy if he gets it twice a month. WTF?? I thought men were suppose to be the horny beasts. I'm tired of substituting sex with masturbation. I'd like to see my husband's tool more than I see my vibrator. How do I get around the "I'm too tired" excuse? He's always tired. I understand he works hard, but damn, we're talking about sex. I could be half comatose and still do it!
Current mood: frustrated
Saturday, March 5, 2005
5:57AM - No Nextel race this weekend
No Nextel race this weekend. Poor Jr. isn't doing so hot so far this year. I was excited that he and Waltrip switched pit crews, but now I'm not so sure about that. Only time will tell. I didn't even get to see what happened to him last weekend because I fell asleep waiting for the race to come on and by the time I woke up, he was out of the race. I didn't record it either like my husband asked me to. . . so we both missed out.
Current mood: 
tired
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