| Afternoon |
[16 May 2005|08:25am] |
I awoke from my nap to Christopher crying. That was his need a change cry.
I held him to me and unfastened the door, calling over Mark. I asked him if he would go to Jack's old hut and retrieve the changing table for me. He nodded and left, bringing it back shortly. I dipped him a bowl of the stew I made---it was still semi-warm.
I changed Christopher and sat in the rocking chair with him, bringing out some of the books and reading to him. I was sure he'd enjoy the walk as much as Jack and I would. I continued playing with him until Jack woke up.
[tags: Jack; wow, long other entry! lol]
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| New Morning |
[13 May 2005|10:02am] |
The next morning I was up early---earlier than I had awoken since the crash. I grabbed a fresh change of clothes and went to the falls to clean up. It was nice and peaceful.
As I returned, I noticed not many people were up and active yet. I returned to my hut, returning my things to my bag. I grabbed a couple of bananas, then walked towards the shore.
I noticed Locke sitting near the water. He intrigued me. Not just for a potential lifemate for Sofia, but as a person. He reminded me of an enigma.
I stood a few feet behind him. "It's nice, isn't it?" I asked, facing the water.
[Tags: Locke]
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| New Day |
[10 May 2005|08:06am] |
I didn't remember too much about the night before.... I remembered something about Charlie, I Never, and Christopher crying. I remembered Locke and Jack....but that was it.
I woke up throughout the night and got sick. Practically vomited my entire stomach out of my body. Jack was there and helped me. He kept passing me bottles of water, saying it would get the alcohol out of my system quicker. I retrieved the pregnancy book---it would be safe to nurse Christopher again now.
When Christopher was up screaming, I checked again with Jack, just to be sure. My head was pounding but other than that, I was OK. Capable of tending to my child.
I gave Christopher his morning routine---nursing, changing, wiping him down, and playing with him. He seemed more eager to nurse than to drink that formula.
I dressed in fresh clothes and tucked him in his carrier, took the fabric for his pouch, and went outside to work. But first, I gathered some fruit, made a little tray, and took it to Locke---I remembered him saying I stood him up......I could at least give him breakfast.
When I left Locke's hut after delivering the tray of fruit, I went to a bare spot of the beach, lathered Christopher with sunscreen, and went to work on his pouch again.
When I got my hands on Charlie.....it would be bad.
{tags: anyone}
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| Evening |
[08 May 2005|05:45pm] |
{other post was so long! sorry I made a new one..hope that's okay :(}
I laid next to Boone in bed as I watched the sun set from my window. My eyes drifted towards my bags on the floor and saw Charlie's sign still sitting there. I laughed a little. I made a mental note that I had to give it back to him one of these days.
It was getting colder and I pulled the blanket over me to stop from being cold under neath I took off my shoes and made myself comfortable for the night or at least tried to. I couldn't stop moving around. He was making me nervous. I knew why I just didn't know how to ask him what I wanted from him or needed. I was going to gain his trust back and if fighting my own temptations was part of it then that's what I had to do.
I moved my body rested my hands under my head and looked at him.
"Do you think I'm pathetic?" I asked him out of no where.
{tags: Boone}
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| Late Afternoon |
[04 May 2005|10:37am] |
[wow. long posts. XD]
My head throbbed even more. God. What was with all of this drama among about fifty people? People falling in love, people breaking up, running off, ignoring others... pathetic to see what 'civilized' society has brought us to. Rumors were floating around that Melanie left... which meant Jack was probably all alone. It's time to make a difference, Charlie... I got up and stood next to my door, reaching out for the handle. I pulled back. No, I can't do it. Yes I can. I grabbed the handle and almost immeadiately let go. No. Can't. Get a hold of yourself, man, it's just Jack. I grabbed the handle and walked outside. I asked somebody where he was and they pointed down the beach a bit, where he was talking with some girl and smoking... Smoking? I grinned. I thought doctors were supposed to be all for good health. I shook my head, gathered my courage, and walked over. 'How are you feeling, Jack?' I asked, sitting next to him. I greeted the girl who sat on the opposite side.
[tags Jack/Dinah XD]
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| Noon |
[02 May 2005|07:39am] |
{other post way too long, and my, how things change in an instant!}
I noticed Sawyer's head----the whole examination process had been interrupted with Melanie's little declaration. I moved to my bag and gathered him some medicine. "Here, take this." I handed him some water. He took it, and I settled him back on the bed. I put a cloth over his head and instructed him to rest for a bit---he needed it. He nodded and tried closing his eyes.
I sat beside him until he appeared to be napping. It was a fitful sleep for him. I'd talk to the Korean woman....Sun....see if we could help him.
I went to check on Christopher. He was awake, just staring around, watching his hands. I changed him, played with him, and sang to him. He settled into a sleep also.
I collapsed in the chair and pulled out my diary. "Wasted love," I murmured, ripping the pages I had written about Jack from the book. I snorted to myself----he and I had started as a cheat, how did I expect him to be faithful to me? I shred the pages into tiny shards, stepped outside, and tossed them skyward, letting the wind catch them and carry them off.
Jack had let me cry like that---he didn't care. That's what hit home. He didn't care that he had hurt me that badly. I have never cried like that before.
I would not let him win at this. He would no longer see my pain. If he wanted a barmaid, let him have her. I would be just as compassionate and sweet as ever. If I turned vicious---they won. I waved over Denise, had her take them some water. I'm sure they could use it after their liplock. It felt good---not being spiteful.
I turned to a new page in my diary and started writing.
Deary Diary,
Jack is a bloody asshole. Sawyer, on the other hand....
{Tags: Anyone who wants to visit/Sawyer when he wakes up}
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| Next Morning |
[29 Apr 2005|04:37pm] |
{long other post, everyone was sleeping, new day LOL}
The next morning, Christopher actually slept in----the sun was up when he chose to wake me up screaming. He had a late night, so it was understandable. I got him settled and happy. I tied a piece of string to the hooks at the windows, tied some fabric at the end of the string, and moved his rocker under it----he was entranced.
I shuffled through my bag and got the asprin, along with the half a bottle of water we had left. I made a fresh cup of coffee for Jack, and had the bucket in hand. Whatever he planned to do---get sick, need coffee, or need asprin, I was ready for him.
{Tags: Jack to wake up}
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| Afternoon |
[27 Apr 2005|08:23pm] |
Once I gathered the ingredients from Robin, I slipped back to the hut, but made a pitstop at Melanie's. She and I had a little giggle fest and she gave me something. Whether it would be used or not was in question.
I went to the hut and retrieved my bucket. I set my knife, makeshift cutting board, potatoes, taro, carrots, onions, and venison outside. I built a small fire, filled a pot with water, and headed to the falls again. I got a fresh bucket of water and returned. Carrying Christopher in one hand and a bucket of water in the other proved to be a task. Once returned, I set Christopher beside me, took a seat, and washed the vegetables. Before long, I was peeling, slicing, and putting things in the pot. I dusted my hands off and started working with the dumplings, keeping an eye on the wouldbe stew.
{Tags: Anyone}
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| New Day |
[26 Apr 2005|08:06am] |
My alarm clock called Christopher woke up crying again in the wee hours of the morning. Something had disturbed him. He didn't need changing, burping, or nursing. As far as I could tell, all he wanted was the comfort of me. I held him to me and walked through the hut, speaking quietly, singing softly, and rocking him. Once he was satisfied, then he had to be nursed along with burping, changing, and bathed. After that was behind us, he settled into the crook of my arm and stretched, starting to yawn again.
The sun was up now....been up, actually.
I settled him in the rocker, covered his feet with the blanket, and rocked him to sleep. Once he was settled, I slipped from the hut to gather some fruit for breakfast. I went to see if Denise was awake to keep an ear out. She was and took up residence outside the hut.
I checked in on Kira and Boone---Boone was awake and practically demanding to see Locke. He still looked pale, but not as bad. I ripped a sheet of paper from Kira's notebook, scribbled Locke a note, and slid it under his door. Boone is asking for you! Love, Claire it read.
Once I gathered my breakfast, I split the fruit into two piles---one for me and one for Jack.
I took my pile outside and began eating, waiting for some company to pass by.
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| Noon |
[24 Apr 2005|01:22am] |
{jeebus, that other post was long!}
After almost an hour of talking, I was able to assure Kira that things would be fine. She kept throwing out the question of why I even went with Locke. Why we went to check things out. If we knew of the danger, but did nothing to stop it, we were part of the problem. I suppose I did think I was super man....only when I was with Locke. Before the crash, I was brainwashed into thinking I was only capable of sitting at a desk barking orders at people. God, I wanted to be out there where he was now. I looked at my shoulder. Not happening for a while.
Charlie remarked that I still looked like crap, but not as bad now. Good 'ole Charlie. He brought some more fruit and water before saying he had to leave for something. Kira helped me into a shirt when visitors started dropping in. She was so careful not to bump my shoulder. I hated putting her through this.
I tried to drift back to sleep.
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| Morning |
[21 Apr 2005|08:41am] |
I woke up slowly. I hadn't slept this deeply in a long time. As I yawned and stretched, a cool morning breeze wafted through my window. I looked out. The sun hadn't broken the horizon yet. I sat up, hat a fix, and pulled a clean shirt from my bag. After I had changed, I looked out my window again and saw that the ship was closer... probably hit a sandbar. I figured somebody went to raid it... but why didn't they ask me? I grabbed my bag, dumped it out, walked out and saw a boat on the sand a few meters from the water. Nobody was awake yet, so I decided to go alone. I dragged the boat out to the water and hopped in. I arrived to the boat fairly quickly and saw the ladder hanging down. Somebody had been here. I tied the boat to a nearby pole on the boat and climbed up the ladder. I explored for a bit, first finding the gift shop. I laughed in surprise and excitement when I saw the batteries and an open refridgerator with a few cans of soda left. I grabbed a few packages of batteries and looked for a soda. There was one can left. I grabbed it and popped the top, enjoying the taste of a warm cola. I left the gift shop and explored a bit more, drinking my soda. I found a room that had a sign that read 'Musicians Only'. My heart began pounding as I opened the door. Instruments covered the walls. The first thing I noticed was the piano. I walked over and ran my fingers over the keys, remembering the lessons my mum and grandmother gave me. I wondered if we could lug this thing back to the beach. I turned and nearly dropped my soda can. I set it on the piano and headed over to the amp. I dearly hoped it was plugged into a generator. I grabbed an electric guitar off the wall and hooked it to the amp. I slowly turned the amp on, praying it worked. Then I heard the faint whine.
'WOO!' I yelled excitedly and cranked the volume up extremely loud and seriously shredded that guitar.
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| Noon |
[18 Apr 2005|01:38pm] |
I was just as baffled as Jack was about Charlie's behavior. He had come storming from his hut, itching for a fight, then out of nowhere, stormed off again. He was definately using.
I was glad he had retreated to his hut. Jack had already decked Colin today, and another fight with Charlie....that would just do him in. I felt responsible. I shook my head as we gathered our empty bags, climbed into the lifeboats, and started back out to the ship--Robin and Melanie in one boat while Jack and I took the other. We left the raft behind this time.
We climbed the ladder, Robin leading with Jack taking up the rear. Once on deck, Robin and Melanie went right back to the kitchen--Robin practically running down there. I was glad to see her happy about something.
"Go to the living quarters?" I asked, turning to Jack.
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| Next Morning |
[16 Apr 2005|11:58am] |
Like clockwork, Christopher woke me up sometime during the wee hours of the morning. And the typical routine followed---feeding, burping, changing, bathing, playing. I walked outside and rocked him as I paced back and forth. His cries quieted and he just stared at me until finally falling asleep. It only took about two hours this time. I settled him into his carrier and took him outside.
I walked to the shoreline, pulled his shade up, and tucked the blanket around him. The sky still had a light purple tint to it, but not near as purple as the day before. The water appeared calmer now, but....something was in the distance....just...sitting in the water. It was big, black, and looked jagged.
I hurried back to the hut and set Christopher on the table. "Jack!" I exclaimed, shaking him. "Jack, wake up!"
{Tags: Jack, duh *hehe*}
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| Evening |
[15 Apr 2005|06:21pm] |
After Shannon and I agreed to find Boone and Kira dinner and I deliver it in a maid's outfit, I headed back to my hut. I needed a fix. I hurriedly inhaled some before Shannon arrived with her bag with the outfit and the makeup. My mind wandered to a time when Ally was at the age where she loved having tea parties. I was just hitting puberty, but I still loved to play with her. She begged and begged for me to dress up in that pink frilly dress... after what seemed like an hour, I finally gave in and put it on. She also gave me a makeover. My grandmother came in and thought it was the cutest thing and took a picture, but as soon as Liam saw it, he called me a pansy... queer, and several other nicknames I soon came to resent. Needless to say, I stood in his face and punched him, still wearing the dress for the rest of the afternoon.
Shannon knocked on my door. 'Come in, come in.' She giggled as she came in. I stripped to my boxers as she took the dress out of her bag.
'Oh, bloody hell. That thing is SHORT!' I exclaimed, bending down to roll up my boxers. Shannon laughed and mentioned something about it supposing to be that short. I chuckled. 'I just hope I don't get mobbed my those girls again. Some girls have a thing for guys wearing girls clothing.'
I turned to Shannon after I had it on. 'How do I look? I mean, I still need to put the makeup on...'
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| New Day |
[14 Apr 2005|08:47am] |
The next morning, I awoke to Christopher crying. Jack was out like a light---didn't even stir. I gathered Christopher in my arms, fed him, burped him, changed him, bathed him, and played with him. I smiled as I watched the energy slowly drain from him, and he went back to sleep. It was adorable watching him come down.
I grabbed one of the blankets, wrapped it around me, and stepped outside. I instantly noticed a change in the air. The sky had a purplish tint to it, and things looked.....strange. It was sort of hazy outside....eerie.... I walked to the water's edge and stood there. The wind was rougher----it snatched and jerked at my blanket. The water was choppy and looked almost black. I rubbed my eyes, expecting things to change. "Strange," I muttered, slowly stepping away from the water. I had an eerie feeling....
I went back to my hut, gathered my bag and knife. I asked Melanie to keep an ear out for Christopher.
She grumbled, but settled outside my hut with a book. She was rough around the edges, but overall a good girl.
It took a good hour or so, but I managed to gather mangos, bananas, a couple of coconuts, and strawberries from Robin's and mine secret spot. I borrowed her bucket, filled it at the falls, and went back to my hut. I just hoped she returned soon!
Melanie and I parted ways, and I went inside---focusing on scrubbing and slicing the fruit for Jack's breakfast. I used the plank of wood as a makeshift plate---arranging the fruit on it.
{Tags: Jack, whenever he wakes up, lol}
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| Evening |
[13 Apr 2005|02:30pm] |
As I headed back to my hut, I thought about Claire's... attitude? The way she spoke to me? I couldn't really describe it. It's like she was proving to herself and Erin that she felt nothing towards me. Just - nothing. Or perhaps she still thought I was crazy mad. I wouldn't blame her. But what if she's somewhat regretting choosing Jack and doesn't want to admit that to me or anyone, for that matter? I shook my head. No. It's just the emotions speaking. I grabbed my guitar from my hut and headed to the waters' edge, letting the waves wash around my feet as I played.
Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry
So just say how to make it right
And I swear I'll do my best to comply
Tell me, am I right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
I got so absorbed in the song that I didn't realized who was standing behind me listening.
[tags: ANYONE, perhaps... Claire? XD]
{song is 'Nothing Better, by the Postal Service.}
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[12 Apr 2005|08:37am] |
Early morning, Christopher woke me up crying again. This was becoming a schedule. It was amazing how the very second he started crying, I was up and tending to him. This time, he was hungry. I nursed him, burped him, changed him, and he settled in for more sleep.
I went back to bed for a few more winks of sleep.
Hours later, I awoke to the sun streaming through the cover I had put on the window. It was so bright in the hut. I had obviously slept in.
Christopher was just looking around, studying his hands as he waved them about. I dressed, stretched, and left the hut. I had to speak to Locke.
I heard some commotion at Boone's hut....didn't know what was going on there....probably people hearing of his injury.
I knocked softly on Locke's door, then poked my head in. He was rummaging through something. "Hey," I said quietly, not to startle him.
{tags: locke}
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| TAGS: Anyone |
[09 Apr 2005|05:45pm] |
After leaving claire earlier that morning i sat near the waterfall for most of the day watching people come and go. I smoke almost half the pack i had with me...i hadnt chained smoked in a while.
I was mad and upset and very angry....and i couldnt seem to clam down in the least. Tossing the latest cig aside i finally stood and moved into the jungle looking for food. I found the tree of mangos that Claire had found so long ago and got madder. Cursing i climbed the tree and grabbed a few before climbing back down.
I took one last look at the tree before heading back to the beach and straight to where my tent was...it was still a wreck and it got me even madder..but at least no one had touched my things.
I took some time fixing it up before settling outside of it. I looked over at the huts and wondered if there was room in one for me..or if one was vacant...but i wasnt bout to ask..i was fine here in the sand in my tent...solitary was better especially for the moment.
I grabbed out one of the mangos and proceded to eat while watching everyone come and go.
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| Next Morning.... |
[07 Apr 2005|08:26am] |
The night had been quite eventful. I didn't make Shannon feel bad for what had happened during her small attack. She looked ready to crumble, and I spared her of that. Instead, we managed to climb back up to where Locke was.
Damien had disappeared, and Locke was pissed. I'm not sure if it was at me, or at Damien. I had proved quite the problem lately..... It still unnerved me how he toyed with those knives without saying a word. He was silently threatening me......I would have been nuts if I said I wasn't concerned.
I stayed watch most of the night. I think I drifted off shortly after the sun rose....I wasn't sure for how long, but when I did awake, Locke was awake.....and glaring at me. I rubbed my eyes and frowned. "Look, whatever you're thinking, just say it..or else stop looking at me like that."
{Tags: Locke and/or Shannon}
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