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music |
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OAR - Black Rock |
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Soooo its the morning of the funeral. slacking on motivation. Not uncommon though right? I wouldn't think so... Texted Rob yesterday... wondering about calling him at some point... just to chit chat.. wonder if he does that? Just talks for a bit... wonder if he has caught on that i have a thing for him?.... wonder if he continues to talk to me because maybe he is ok with me... er likes me. That would be funny, although he's in Utah for 6-9 months for work. Suppose i could lose weight, get in shape, figure out how i want to look, then get his attention when he comes back, possibly get him to take me out. that would actually be nice, I seem to just really want a guy who is independant, on his own, and not so emotional... Robs honest it seems, caring, smart, but not emotional.. he gets mad and gets an 'additude' but he feels bad after... I've talked to him when he has gotten mad at George at work then tell him he was going to apologize because it wasn't Georges fault and he felt bad for him getting the ass end. Although i know EVERYTHING is different in a relationship...
Something tells me for a while I will be using this journal to rationalize who i want ot be with and why... Theres been mentions of Casey and Rob.. Have i mentioned Mike? I almost like Mike, he is adorable, tan, in shape and green eyes... I love green eyes... and Mike seems very down to earth but like a homebody... doesn't go out much. But I will figure that out in the meantime... maybe get him to take me out for my birthday... ha! almost genius. He does owe me seeing as he texted me to tell him that he wasn't going to my dads show. Wonder if he's still in FL?
Andrew's family still have nothing nice to say... I mean I am not part of their family, i get uninvited to places. Andrew won't even be there for my uncles funeral, then wants me to go to a christmas dinner with him to what? Sit and watch him open gifts? Its rude to not have gifts for someone, atleast thats what i was always taught. reason we all have back ups in my family.. incase someone unexpected shows up. last year Andrew got gifts with my family even though it was last minute.... Not that i wanted his family to give me gifts, but that Andrew should not want to put his family in that position, he should either not have me go or buy gifts himself.... Common sense i thought. Not with him though. Makes me feel like I'm the bad guy too but I mean how do i say.. "Yeah, I won't go this year because last year your family was rude." Although I can't say whole family, his brother Justin was actually nice. He's been nice since the start but his brother MAtt... a dick. His Mom, has nothing nice to say. Rest of his family only met me once and they think I keep andrew from them yet i would kill to have Andrew away from me. I think thats something I should start to work on... not being around Andrew... going out on my own... crash places where he isn't. What have i got to lose? The apt is in my name, He can't lock me out. He can't take my things. What is he going to do... call me a 100 times to track me down? I don't want to cheat on him, just want to be around people without him dragging me down. he does that so often. Why did i move in with him? such a horrible Idea.. I cannot wait for this lease to be up.. I am not continueing living with andrew. somesthings just frustrate me more then others... and Andrew is the top one right now.
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awake
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