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|Saturday, May 21st, 2005|
holy hell this thing still exists?
Well if you can't tell by the title I haven't touched this thing in ages... Deffinantly not the same 5 year old I was a year or 2 ago. I was such a little bitch damn, lol I am rather embarased by the past writings of my shildish thoughts. Things are alot brighter now in my life, I have found an immense happiness through my hobbies and Finished high school........amazingly. No one is currently sparking my "love life" but its kool I think I am better off alone for a while. I am not really 100% sure what I am looking for any ways, granted I have a rough idea but it says it for itself....."rough idea"..... I have recently Started hanging out with a old friend after quite a while of not speaking with each other. She is really nice, to bad shes not interested I suppose, she has all the qualities of my "rough idea" but shes not interested in any other manner than a friendship, which I am quite content with, but in the back of my mind I am thinking ....." ....to bad, shes pretty much prefect.....damn...."..... But friends are forever and she is a good friend at that. So it will stay.
|Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004|
|What kind of drunk are you?|
When you go out, you're all over everyone that you meet. It's possible that you're reserved when you're sober, but get a little wine in you and you're behaving as though perfect strangers are your oldest friends. Your friends probably think you're high-maintenance.
|Click Here to Take This Quiz|
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.
|Tuesday, August 26th, 2003|
running at sleep
your running through my mind are you tired?
I'm tired of worring about you liking me,
as I lay down and wonder hours on in
do you like me?
or do you like me as a friend?
whenever I'm bored I think of you
I think of your pretty face
with that cute smile,
those incredible eyes
and that funny something
that your soft lips speak
that makes me weak
when I try to speak
I'm tired of being hesitant
I want to speak
but I stay quiet
to protect what we have
what ever that may be
I realize that you are all i think about anymore
no cars, friends, money, freedom or anything
you in my mind
amuzing me in my time of nothing
amuzing me with your amazing self
Lately my life has gone to hell
i sit and think,
and think of you
erasing my bitter unhappiness
and causing unstopable smiling :o)
Everytime I'm with you I think
I'm with a beatiful girl
thats giving me the time a day
which dosent happen very often
but its not the exterior I'm as interested in
it the interior,
the amazing mind and person
the amazing you
you are the most amazing thing I have ever experienced......
|Thursday, July 24th, 2003|
I have been on this world for 17 years
and all I have felt is pain and tears
I endure all this shit for reasons unbeknownest to me
but I still live and continue to breath,
I feel physically and mentally tired all the time
from constant bull shit and fighting for whats right
the time has come to be mature,
so grow up world,
im fed-up with your cute attitude,
I was always told that the world was fair,
its full of pocket fair ((fair)(as in money, pocket change/fair)
life is supposed to be full of things
but for some reason it consists of bad dings
love is the only charrishable thing in life,
but earned by the purest of lights
and while all of this bullshit revolves around me
all I can think of is why the hell me??
Current Mood: depressed/lonely
Current Music: at the drive-in "vaya"
|Thursday, June 26th, 2003|
|lonelyness is only the begining......
Is it wrong to want to have someone that you love and want to spend time with? Is it bad to want to have that special someone, that when you see them you run up and get a hug and a kiss. It seems almost impossible to get in to a relationship with someone. It sucks being so alone all the time. When I meet someone that I like or someone that I talk to, all I can think is that they wouldnt want me, they deserve better than me. Sometimes I feel like the rotten packaged meat at the grocery store, gross and un-wanted. I realize that I am alone constantly except for when im with my friends, but I also bring to my senses that lonelyness is only the begining. It seems almost like my lonelyness gets me in trouble. Because lonelyness is trailed by depression in my case and I dont care about anything while im depressed. But I dont let depression eat me anymore. I try to escape it. But anyways I know of this girl that i think is really really beautiful and im gonna try to get to know her better and all that jazz. If she turns out to be a friend like every girl I try to get with there is no loss. But it would be nice if she was the surgery to my cancer. I wish that my luck wasn't a determining factor but it seems to be everytime. later. Current Mood: lonelyCurrent Music: B.A.G.V.Y.R.
|Wednesday, June 11th, 2003|
Hey guys. I met this new girl tuesday. Her name is otheilia rose pryer(what a beautiful name). Me and a whole bunch of my freinds were hanging out and then they decided to call otheilia. I had never met her or anything. When i first saw her though I was like wow she has really pretty hair, and well everything. She has a big white smile, redish hair, cut on the shorter side, big beautiful eyes(just astonishing eyes) a cute cute face,and a nice figure. We were together all day and we had alot of fun. She ended up wearing my hat all day so I sported her bandana all day looking like a hippie:-). I ended up getting thrown into a pool at a friends house later in the evening. She basially got me thrown in so I threw her in (chuckle). She had on a bathing suit under her clothes. Then my friend had to go home and he was my ride so I had to ride home with him. Well heres the bad part. I really really really like her but she is leaving in 6 days to join the army so basically I will probably never see her again. So I just feel like crap pretty much. She's so sweet and amazing. It just hurts. It really sux for me though cause I just really like her and I don't always have a girl on my "doorstep" if you know what i mean. Situations like this really suck. Now when I look at my hat, all i see is her. Her big beautiful smile,her amazing eyes,her pretty hair and just her completely.(sigh) Oh well maybe we will meet again someday, I really really hope so.
What shitty luck I have. Every girl I like or get a chance with always gets away some how:-(
Good by Otheilia, I really hope I see you again and good luck in the army. love Brian
p.s. I miss you already Current Mood: crushedCurrent Music: otheilia
|Sunday, June 8th, 2003|
Where am I going? I've been walking on this road for years, and yet nothing has occured. Except for a few things, but why is my road of life so dull, and boring? I read my own journal and it seems to be chipper and happy, but I live my journal and its not. So its rather confusing to me in a way. I keep thinking that im walking up to a cleared area but im wrong its more and more bushy trees. Maybe the clearing will come one day. I hope. Current Mood: blahCurrent Music: q and not u "different damage" cd really good
|Monday, June 2nd, 2003|
Hey guys its been a while since the last time I updated but hey I'm only human. Anyways I have been added to the Joker Skateboards team!!!!! I'm so stoked right now:-) I'm searching for the rest of the people to put on the team since my boss asked me to be team manager. My new car is doing great too!!! Dad and I have added alot of little goodies to it, so it is pretty much bad ass from my point of veiw but its no race car but it makes me happy so hell yea. Hopefully my summer will be smooth sailing but if not oh well. Gotta go keep it real jive turkeys. peace Current Mood: cheerfulCurrent Music: Pink Floyd "see emily play"
|Tuesday, May 20th, 2003|
|relationship unemployment line???
Hey guys. Yea my now x-girl new friend got a new man but its all good I guess. Shes happy so I guess thats all that matters. I'm not mad, i'm happy for her. But im back in the bottom of the well.I thought I found the girl for me but I was sadly mistaken. So I'm even more lonely than ever but whatever. I'll survive, I guess I'm a bachelor(sp?) for life. But its kool.i got mynew 73 beetle and it kicks ass so I have something to do to occupy my mind. well see ya guys. peace Current Mood: blahCurrent Music: roman holiday
|Thursday, May 15th, 2003|
My life is finally moving on. I was in a shithole for a while but now its moving along aite.lol. I bought a new car!!! Its awesome!! I've also got a girlfriend!!:-) My skool year is almost over and my job keeps getting better and better,(knock on wood) I have been promoted to team manager of my skateboard shop!!!!!!:-)I think i might be able to finish my life now. Its looking up for me right now but I'm not gonna say that to loud! but yea my internet has been disconnected so i will update when i can, i will have the net soon though but until then yea..... peace out guys love ya anny
|Sunday, April 27th, 2003|
I have given this to you anny. You make me feel happy and alive, like I missed so much before I met you. Y ou are awesome and that is a fact. I cherish the time we spend together. Its great. You won the tickling war???? uh huh we will see next time. :-) But thanx anny your the best:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) love ya babe Current Mood: excitedCurrent Music: d4, atdi
|Saturday, April 19th, 2003|
Hey guys! sorry its been awhile. My spring break isnt quite finished yet but I've still got alot to share. I have Managed to pick up a girlfriend! How crazy is that?!?!? LOL. Yea I got me a hot woman now so everything seems mellow, even though I'm moving and trying to accomplish other things. So far my break has been like any other except I have had to work. But oh well i got to work a lil extra this week so i got some cash flow goin sorta. I'm feelin pretty happy:-) I guess that the disney cartoon crap kinda happened. So its pretty kool. I'm never gonna be able to get up for skool though. I have been sleeping in almost all week. Well guys I'm out,so take it easy. I'll try to update more often. peace Current Mood: happyCurrent Music: "ecce romani","lords of fubar"
|Sunday, March 30th, 2003|
Hey guys! Wuzz up!
MMM. My weekend was pretty damn saweet. On saturday Me, Orry, Ricky, Kent, and Jaime(yaay!) went to a concert outside of Plan 9 mucic. It was pretty kool minus the rain, but it turned into a nice day after ward, so it wasn't to bad. The crew and I mainly went to go see "Hindsight 20/20"(www.hindsightrock.com). They are saweet. Although this was not their greatest show, but oh well. It was still fun. I was pretty stoked that Jaime got to go. It was nice. After hindsight finished we went inside plan 9 and I picked up something for a friends b-day and some lil' goodies for myself. OMG, I got "The Smiths, Singles" on tape!! How awesome is that!! I was excited when I found that. Then I also found "Gangstarr" on cd. Which is a rather hard task to accomplish. Finding a underground rap groups cd around here, (haha) yea I was pretty ecstatic when I came across that. After that we all went to the mall. It was pretty fun. (not to jinx myself) I was overall happy with myself that day. I actually loosened up around jaime. I don't know why its so hard for me but it is. She got to know me a little bit better, so needless to say I was happy. Its amazing to me how much we think alike and how much we appreciate the same things. Its a weird new experience for me.Plus shes such a sweet heart. But anyways to continue, after that i took jaime home and me, orry went to ricky's house. Kent went home. Me and orsen spent the night at ricky's. It was fun. Then sunday(today) I worked. I also got really, really sick. It sux so bad. But I'm trying to hang in there.
You know? I must say I'm looking forward to Ellens birthday. hahaha Ellen if you read this you aren't gonna find out what I gotcha.hahaha I almost let it slip. lol. HINT: I got something up my sleve. lol. Well that about covers it guys. HEY!!! If anyone wants to go to the "rufio" show on the 30th at norfolk let me know, I really really want to go!! I also want to go to the "hot hot heat" show but I can't, its on orsen's birthday,(sigh) so needless to say I can't go. Oh well. But anyways guys I'm out (cough, cough), take it easy everyone, live to be what you want to be. PEACE!
Current Mood: sick but HAPPY
Current Music: "Gangstarr", "Jimi Hendrix"
|Wednesday, March 26th, 2003|
When I am with you I always smile,
the love I feel for you could stretch for miles and miles,
My heart will burn for you till death,
well, even after my last breath,
I know that we aren't ment to be,
but I wish I was forever with thee,
Perfection used to be a fairy tale for me,
until I met you,
the one ment for me,
I know we would be perfect for each other in the end,
because the thought of growing old with you makes me grin,
there is no one better in this world for me,
we will never be,
It tears me to shreds to think you will be with someone else,
but I will be happy for you,
because you are my friend,
the friendship we have will never die,
if it did I would forever cry,
I wish and wish to be with you but I can't,
because of my bad luck,
and the thought of forever losing you,
you are so important to my life,
I think about you day and night,
your beauty compares to no other thing,
it runs through out your incredible brain,
the day you marry will hurt me forever,
the jealousy of myself for you is inevitable,
I will cry and cry and want to die,
because a small portion of my soul will pass me by,
but in the end I will be happy for you,
because you will be thrilled in your happy little world,
you are forever a speacial being,
no one or nothing can take that from you,
your eyes and smile are all I need,
to make me want to bleed and bleed,
I would sacrifice anything to what you desire,
because of my heart,
the big roaring fire,
I have no clue as to what you think of me,
but I suppose I'm just the white bread friend,
if I had to tell you one last thing,
it would be,
"i love you, and please don't ever forget me",
I see ourselves growing apart,
but I try and try to fuse back to one,
I wish I could share the way I feel,
but I'm to shy and its a big deal,
you know me better than anyone,
well of course, next to mom,
you are my first love,
even though you don't know,
you're also the first to break my fragile heart,
you are completely unaware of all these things,
its better that way,
because we are friends,
but its so hard to be in love,
especially with your friend,
the friend you can't live without,
and the girlfriend you can't have,
you will always be in the front of my mind,
until the very end of time.
I love you.
|Sunday, March 16th, 2003|
|kick ass weekend
sup dogs? lol j/k. Hey guys my weekend kicked ass. Friday night I took off work and went to a concert. It was great. I really wanted my friend jaime to go but her mom was kinda leaning towards the "no" arena. So that bummed me out at first but she said we would hangout sometime this week so it was alright. But anyways the show was great, I experienced some new bands and rocked out to my friends band. It was the first time I saw my friends band play. They rocked the block. lol. Afterwards me, orry, christa, daneil, and heather went to cici's pizza. We did the usual, eat, talk, and play games. It was over all the best night of my life. Then i took the 2 love birds home(orry, christa). I slept extremely well that night, I was exhausted. Then on saturday me and mumsy(lol,mom) started moving out of her boyfriends house. That put me in a sour mood. So I stopped and talked to my dad. Amazingly enough he let me work on his car and then even let me drive it!!!! It was truely shocking. So I went for a joy ride. AWW it was great!!! I released so much frustration through that 4-speed. It was way better than any shrink any where! So after I was finished hot roding my dads car i went home and got online. That pretty much covers it. I worked sunday. MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC!!! I have some great bands for you guys to check out. The first band is "unsung zeros". WOW, they are awesome!! They are sorta in the punk-pop genra. Check out any of their songs. They are all top tens.lol. The other band is "hindsight 20/20". They are as well extremely awesome. This also happens to be my friends band. But anyways they also fall into the current genra. Some wicked songs to check from them "the worst bruce willis movie", and "north star". They are awesome, check out their web site www.hindsightrock.com. Well see ya lata playas aite.lol. peace Current Mood: goodCurrent Music: "Hindsight 20/20", "Unsung Zeros"
|Tuesday, March 4th, 2003|
|my favorite past time re-born once again
Hey wuzz up guys?? Well today after getting out of skool I realized that I needed a new board(since i killed my old one). So I went up to work and bought a new board. Its great! After that I visited my fake sis(friend) ellen. I got a ton of pictures from her. She went through 3 shoe boxes full of pictures. After receiving the 50 pounds of paper work we talked for a while. It was nice to see her again, its been a while. So that was pretty fun. Then I after that I tryed to go skating with orry. There is no where to skate around here without getting hassled by the man. Its so lame. So eventually we got to skate after driving around for 45 minutes. All the good spots are for the weekends only. You don't have to worry about getting caught as much. Plus its more relaxing. So after skating for about an hour or so I took orry home. Then when I was on my way home I realized, how much I love music. It really does relax the mind and soul(or gets you hyped which ever they both work). But yea, thats about it. Well check ya lata playas. peace Current Mood: mellowCurrent Music: "thursday"
|Monday, March 3rd, 2003|
|im happy?? what about a girl???
Hey whats up guys? Sorry its been a while since my last update. My computer fried and went back to hell. lol. For the first time in a while im happy with myself. I actually opened myself to a girl that I like. Im truely astonished. Although it was over IM. So of course it was easier. lol. I guess in a manor of speaking I sorta cheated. lol. Anyways the girl I opened myself to, I asked to a show. So things are sorta looking up on the lonelyness situation. But its too soon to say she will probably end up just being a friend. Which is fine I guess? I really feel attracted to her though, and she is into alot of the same stuff as me. Shes so beautiful too, when I look into her saphirish blue eyes I melt with happiness, and her hair is long, flowing, and beautiful. Every one says there is no such thing as perfect. They are wrong. The thought of her makes me smile and tingle, no matter how shitty life gets. What I would give to be with her(sigh), matereal items are nothing compared to her. But I have shitty luck so I will probably end up heart broken. Its different with her than with all the other girls. She talked to me first. She is totally way out of my league. But I ask myself this, does it matter?? I wish I knew. All I know is that I'm fallin for her and we hardly know each other. And the thought of my heart shattered once again dosen't sound too tempting. I don't, know my head is nothing but a cloud right know. I have to find the light. But no matter what, I have to try my hardest not to let her slip through my fingers. Then the heart brake and the possible loss of her would ravage my mind, heart, soul, and body. I have so many things goin through my head right know its amazing to me that I can focus on this journal. lol. All i can think about is her and the show we are going to. huh, im really pathetic. I just realized. But now I feel is true and I cant change that. Well that is my update. Well everyone take care and live life to the fullest extent. peace! Current Mood: accomplishedCurrent Music: "denali", "hindsight20/20"
|Tuesday, February 25th, 2003|
|a good day in the life of carrotsnax
Hey everyone! Whats up?? Well today was actually a good day for me. lol. I had a good day at skool and me and orry went skating at jordans house. I skated okay but I was tired and lazy so we hung out for a while. So then me and orry left and went home. I have been pretty tired lately due to myself being sick on monday. It seems like all of my friends are getting sick its like a conspiracy. lol. But its kinda weird. Music time. A great group to check out is "Gangstarr". They are a awesome rap group. Their genre is oldskool mixed with uniqueness. They are "tight".lol. But check them out. Good songs "Above the clouds", 'Moment of truth", "ex-girl". They are outstanding. Also "minus the bear" is really awesome as well. Well see ya later guys. he who tries, never dies. peace Current Mood: goodCurrent Music: "Gangstarr", "Minus the bear"
|Monday, February 24th, 2003|
time spent to pass
Hey everybody!! hows it goin? Good I hope. Well i had a interesting weekend. Not! lol. I got kicked out of my moms boyfriends house friday night. So I went to my local skatepark and skated from 9-12. It was pretty fun. The people that work there took some pictures of me to put on their site. I was pretty stoked about that. So when i was done there i cruised around for like 2 hours or so. Then i went to my dads house and spent the night there. I got up and hung out at work all day. Then I went skating again at a friends house saturday night. Then i went and hung out josh's house till 1:00 at night. Then i decided to go home and try to kiss my moms boyfriends ass. So basically I brown nosed him for a while and then every thing was kool. So the next day i went to work as usual and had a ok day. Then that night me and a whole bunch of friends went filming. I got some really sick stuff on camera so I was pretty excited. But even though my weekend started out shity it ended up ok. I'm really looking forward to spring, and I have a secret inside me and i feel like im gonna burst. No matter i will never tell until later. well everyone take care. peace.
Current Mood: plain
Current Music: graymatter, the stitches
|Thursday, February 20th, 2003|
|lonelyness conquers the soul
Hey does anyone have any clue why I become a nervious, shy, rambling, nerd when I try to talk to a girl???? Its so annoying. I cant figure it out. Any i deas, anyone???? I wish I could be myself, but no matter how hard I try I cant. But anyways my life is sorta back on track again. lol. My dad got layed off today and he is the main support for me and my mom, cause of "child support" and the fact that my mom is fighting a legal battle against her old company and she hasent had a job in 3 months. But anyways im trying to move on with my life, but i find myself alone each and every day and night and I wonder to myself "where is that speacial someone im supposed to meet??? Its like A Disney film where it is destined to happen. But I dont think it quite works that way. lol. I found that speacial someone last year. She was every thing I would want in a person. She broke my heart and killed my soul. But life goes on and so i try to follow. Atleast ive still got my skateboard, music, and health(minus my ankle). But enough personal problems music, music, music. A awesome band that im putting up for suggestion is "Placebo". They are truely excellent. Their genre is alterative punk-ish. I've already said this but they are really good. A few good songs by them to check out "every me, every you", "36-degrees", "come home", "speacial k". Well if any of you wonderful people out there know my problem with girls dont leave me in the closet about it. lol. thanx. live within your means. peace! Current Mood: lonelyCurrent Music: "placebo"