| its been a while |
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| 05:47pm 02/09/2003 |
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its been a while
just thought i would leave jenna and steve something
i love you
i really do
you are my life
im bored
ooo
brendan leonard is on
im so there
jenna alkaline trio nov 1st?
let me know
im getting tickets on friday
peace |
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| I've Moved |
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| 08:36pm 11/06/2003 |
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*Attention Everyone* I have offically moved to LiveJournal yes ive hit the big time with a paid account from my mommie hehe so you can read all postings from this link below from now on thanks!
www.livejournal.com/users/ChunkyCat |
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| enjoying my afternoon off |
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| 10:55am 11/06/2003 |
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mood:  happy music: random remember maine songs
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well the john glenn students have embarked on what looks like to be finals week and the last three days of school I havent done much of late but i have reconnected with emily :) shes such a good friend Ive also started a business i make greeting cards postcards and invites from the pictures i take you should check that bitch out and buy something hehe life has gotten a little more grander the past couple of days at the momment i am happy but i dont know what is in store for me next i really want nothing to do with dave and i want it to stay that way and i wish i would had done this months ago it would have saved everyone some geriff well im going to go i have some things to do bye!
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| Graudation, the 8th grade Dance and my goodbye |
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| 08:05pm 07/06/2003 |
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mood:  blah music: porno and snuff films -the larry arms
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so i went to the 8th grade dance with galen it was alot of fun i met alot of his friends who are super nice alot of them are going to glenn new friends always make me smile and now that im an offical senior that makes me smile even more so i went to graduation today i fucking had to get up at like 7 this morning on a saturday insane fucking insane. i was really excited for the lot of my senior friends cassie and julie looked stunning and i was in tears when i seen julie and cassie up there im going to miss them so much i also seen alexis and lauren and leah they all looked gorgeous as well i started crying because i was thinking about next year and how im going to look and the expressions on my family and friends faces when i look up at them just before one of the val.'s say my name this is something i have been waiting for all my life and its almost finally here....exciting yet very sad. i talked to emily yesturday and she told me basically that dave didnt want to be around me anymorei guess i scare him because some how im dependant on him and crap i just dont care anymore he has confused me beyond belief and both emily and i have come to the conclusion taht i dont want to talk to him anymore she siad it should only be for a short period of time as far as im concerned im not going to talk to him until he has the fucking balls to come up to me or call me and tell me hes sorry for all of it so i can apologize too because im not apologizing for shit anymore thats all i do with him and im sick of it yeah my actions are wrong but so are his he comes off to people that he has done nothing wrong he left me remember? he broke up with me in a email because he didnt have enough balls to muster up his guts to do it in person if he didnt want to be my friend or be with me he should have fucking told me in the fucking first place instead of fucking hiding behind everyone else so they can feel sorry for him i dont feel sorry for him and i wish i wasnt in love with such a fucking asshole and i fucking wish i could get over him but i cant because i know the person he is when he gets past his stupid fucking crap and thats the one i want to see again but he doesnt try so he can fuck off i dont want to speak to him ever again and if i do speak to him again it would be too soon i cant wait for DCI becuase then he can really kiss my ass he said he believes in me if he fucking loved me or believed in me he would come around and put effort behind everything i just wanted to fucking talk to him and all he wanted to do was fucking blow me off and get hs fucking family in on the stupid bullshit then he fucking lied to me and im sick and tired of being treated like horse shit emily wants dave and i to work out things in front of her and justin all dave is going to do is say yeah whatever and say bullshit and look at the fucking wall he doesnt care he never did he fucking lost that a long time ago give it up dave just give it up because obviously you dont wnat to be my friend and ive tried and im fucking done with you until i can fucking deal with my fucking self all i want to fucking do is punch you in the goddamn face so hard that you will bleed for days your friends try to help us they try to help me and you at separate times you shelter yourself and you know what i hope noone never ever loves you again becuase you dont fucking deserve it |
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| joy has gas |
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| 02:35pm 05/06/2003 |
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mood: alright music: andrew
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well today was my first day back after my string of absences this week turns out i have to go take two tests tonight and turn in my uniforms plus i need to write a 2 page oddessy paper which i entend on sending myself so i can just print it out in 2nd hour how smart am i? very. so dave still hasnt called me back and honestly i have given up on him FUCK OFF DAVE i really dont want to waste my time anymore since he obivously doesnt want to see me im all cought up in math and creative writing and almost in MAA but i have to finish my test then i just have my econ if i fail im taking night school with mallory 2nd semester next year because im not getting rid of my art class FUCK YOU MRS DAVIS!!!! so anyway the day hasnt gotten too eventful just yet but i did get to drive behind andrew today thats a plus i havent seen him in a while hehe well im about to go to the mall ill write lata bye |
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| I didnt know laundry could be so fun |
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| 07:34pm 03/06/2003 |
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mood:  grateful music: remember maine whoop whoop
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well for the past two days i havent been in school turns out i have a sinus cold lucky fucking me well yesturday when jenna got out of school we hightailed it to galens to get my makeup for the dance on friday and took galen to walker for his boyscout pro-ject so we head back down michigan ave after dropping off mr galen and turns out we were going the wrong way for a pretty long ass time basically if we were to stay on that route any longer we would hit eastern michigan university so after feeling like a dumb ass and jenna stopped laughing we turned around and headed towards home when we finally found canton center road i forgot that the bridge was out so we had to go down gettes or whatever to get home i didnt get home till 15 minutes before 5 thats when i was suppose to call dave so what happened the night before goes as follows i finally get a hold of dave and i was really upset and i jsut wanted to talk well i passed out on the phone and i dont remmeber much after that other than dave coming over and putting me in bed then kissing me on the cheek and then i guess i screamed for him to come back and he kissed me on my forehead i feel bad that he had to take care of me knowing that he was sick himself though we fought all weekend about him being sick but on sunday jenna and i went a whole bunch of places like we went and got icecream went and seen lil bess got slurpees and even concidered buying a garden hose ok back to everything else as you can see im working backwards but back to when i was calling dave he wasnt home when i called or any time else past then he didnt even bother to call me back THAT JERK!!!! i was so upset so i wasnt in school today and i tried calling him no luck so i go online and justins on so i ask him where dave is and he says he has no clue so justin and i end up going to the laundry mat and i end up doing some of my dirty laundry and we played mrs packman a few times and played a game of chess and checkers justin won both times we also visited 7-11 and the coin star at korger fun stuff ive never really hung out with justin by myself before so it was a good change of pace then he said something about emily saying dave works at farmer jacks WHAT? dave working ? i feel left out from him telling me it seems like hes leaving everyone out these days well im not going to practice tonight to save everyone some trouble on me sneezing every two fucking seconds sorry guys and ive been watching tv and eating ever since i got back from doing laundry with justin well the dance is on friday and i have school tomarrow and i still have to finish le blancs homework so ill see ya around folks
that is all |
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| 06:12pm 02/06/2003 |
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david jennings can rot in fucking hell |
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| I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW |
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| 08:02pm 01/06/2003 |
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mood: pissed music: alkaline trio- this is getting over you
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earlyer in the day:
''hey do you want to hang out?''
''cough cough no erin im really sick i just want to sleep''
just about 5 minutes ago
''hello is dave there?''
''ah no hes not here right now''
that fucking pisses me off so fucking bad i swear i fucking hate him so much he isn t worth my time anymore i hate him i really do i just want to cry because of how much i hate him
DO YOU HEAR THAT DAVE? I FUCKING HATE YOU I HATE YOU SO MUCH I HATE YOU! NO OTHER WORDS CAN EXPRESS THE WAY I FEEL OTHER THAN I HATE YOU |
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| WHile Y'all went to prom I'm going to an 8th grade dance whoop whoop |
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| 12:43pm 01/06/2003 |
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mood:  angry music: alkaline trio-maybe ill catch fire
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Everyone went to prom but im going to an 8th grade dance this could be fun i went shopping with my mom yesturday for a dress that was a joke she so fucking stupid sometimes i cant even stand her we didnt even have time to look becuase he dumb ass decided she wanted to go at like fucking 8 oclock at fucking night shes so fucking stupid i swear i did get a top and its rather nifty but i still hate her
im really mad at dave right now we were suppose to hang out yesturday so i call him and he tells me hes ''dealthy ill'' and cant hang out and all he wants to do is sleep BULLSHIT! he told me to call him when i got back so i did and his mom told me that he had left for the night well FUCK YOU DAVE im so sick of him lying to me about everything if he doesnt want to be around me he needs to just say so so i can get on with my fucking life damnit that makes me so upset and my weekend has been terrible and dan had to chop off all his hair and i feel bad because it was probably my fault because of putting his hair up for prom damn i just feel like shit i really want to see dave and he doesnt want to see me im so fuckig upset and i have fucking loads of homework i need to attend to so i will be back later tata
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| I am now a Offical SENIOR!!!!!! |
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| 05:37pm 30/05/2003 |
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mood:  sad music: alarm clock is going off for some god awful reason
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today the 03 seniors left while jenna dan mallory and i steped up to the plate dave said that the last couple weeks of school while becoming a senior is the best i must agree i felt over welmed with happyness after 3rd hour today i almost cried well i just sent dan off to prom i did his awesome mohawk that will probably topple by the end of the night :( we will do it better next time dan i promise hehe its so sad i want to go to prom again i love dressing up but me have noone special to share it with adam and dave are at mustard plug who didnt even invite me to go grrrrrg i hate them sometimes and jenna is a prom and im sad and alone i just hope everyone is having fun going to mope bye |
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| Huummmmmmmmffffffffffffffff....... |
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| 11:12am 29/05/2003 |
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mood:  lazy music: random Remember Maine songs
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i skipped out on school again i dont know whats wrong with me all of a sudden i have trouble getting up this is sad the picnic is tonight *cant forget cant forget* ive got to go to that thing because well yeah its when the seniors say goodbye to band and i say hello seniorhood whoop whoop next april cant come soon enough i swear! ill be in school tomarrow and at dans house 2 hours early before he leaves for prom to do his mohawk fun stuffs maybe i should go in for half of the day NAH i have a test in 5th hour i didnt study for because i was at dans last night ill study this weekend for both the tests i haveto make up and then ill take them on monday before or after school which ever it is important that i pass this class becuase i wnat to keep all my art classes next year im already doing night school for poli sci i failed by like a few points it was fucking sad as hell i feel lazy and i have to pee and listening to remember maine just wants to make me ssssslllllleeeeeeeeeeeeppppppp
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| Dan's the Cookie Monster Man...... |
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| 10:17pm 28/05/2003 |
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mood:  artistic music: *yawns*
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Dan has cookie monster blue hair looks rather styleish i must say hehe well i went over there tonight making the impossible possible i straightened out dans hair looks really really good *drouls* lol he reminds me of the guy from the white stripes fun fun stuffs he has decided on the mohawk for prom that will look sweet because ofcourse im doing it hehe it was funny we conversed in the bathroom after his hair was done for the longest time till i said ''why are we still converseing in the bathroom?'' so we headed for his room where we couldnt find anything intelligent on tv still too early for that shit so we sat and talked about dave and cassie and we'll dan and i share the same heart and mind but he has a penis and i dont i think thats why we are such good friends i hope everything works out for him and michelle i think it will be good for him :) and i hope it works out on my end with dave as well hehe dan told me im meant to be with dave no matter what anyone says im suppose to be with dave it made me feel better but i wish dave shared the same point of view as mr cookie monster man dan ................all in all got to spend time with one of the greatest people i know and make my hands go blue i didnt do my homework but oh well fuck econ ill study in 4th hour hehe and hopefully my night classes for poli sci next year wont interfear with DCI but if i start in like november i should be freaking peachy keen darling its just getting over the marching band season with good grades and enough sleep EEEEKKKKK i tried calling dave and i didnt realize till his dad picked up that DOH! daves at the weakerthans show with justin yeah im real smart well hopefully ill see dave tomarrow at the picnic if not ill call him as soon as i get home eeek well im tired and time for bed ill talk to yall later
one and a half more days until dan jenna and i are freaking seniors WHOOP WHOOP!
that is all >^.^ |
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| hummmm |
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| 10:10pm 27/05/2003 |
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mood: happy music: alkaline trio
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UberdykE IL1337: i think you're wonderful
LoCaLQuEeNDoRk23: really?
UberdykE IL1337: yep
UberdykE IL1337: you're a good person
this stuff makes me happy >^.^ |
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| Greetings from the hottest bassplayer this side of the mississippi |
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| 06:12pm 27/05/2003 |
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mood:  touched music: eastbound traffic- remember maine
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so i got an emial from brendan today *drouls* i get all happy when i get email from him this is what it stated
jambo yourself!
we will definately be in detroit sometime this summer.
our new roadie/tour manager/merch guy is the bartender
at smalls. his name is nader. go see him and tell him
that i said hi.
brendan
that makes me so freaking happy i emailed him back and told him im going to smalls to tell nader he said hi and not to come during my marching band times hopefully they wont eeeekkkkk
thats all folks |
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| A New Begining |
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| 04:43pm 27/05/2003 |
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mood:  accomplished music: something better - Mike Falnaqgb;bv;kwJo
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*sigh* things are looking up for me i found something better to do than what i was planning on doing for marching band in college i cant say though shhhh its a secret you will see when the time comes but its good its real good and i have a shot at it but i dont think im going to go to BOA this year 1)i know all the stuff by heart 2)i really dont have all the money 3)i need to save what i got for bigger and better things heh lifes getting better for more reasons than one
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| its so funny how someone elses words can be your own |
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| 09:49am 26/05/2003 |
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mood:  cold music: a random larry arms song
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A temple corroded. eviction pending.
embrace me, cold night, gray sky, streetlight.
lyrical descension.
attention fading.
breathless i'm a mess.
kissless i'm in distress.
i'm barely breathing.
this crowning anguish, locked up nervous reflex.
i've got to build up from the inside.
a relapse. reflection. distorted.
repression's smiling spitefully.
longing for you to sew up my seams.
i'm barely breathing.
i've abandoned old identities, skin i couldn't fit into, songs i couldn't write, my voice will fade into this starless night.
can i get much blinder? can i kick myself much harder?
have i accepted this, to torture myself? you can't see me.
have i invented you?
i'm barely breathing.
you're so easy to believe in
and its so depressin that im always second guessin myself |
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| no more smiles since fucking sunday no wait saturday |
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| 09:33am 26/05/2003 |
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mood: blah music: the first eviction notice-the larry arms
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sometimes i wish i could lead a different life like a perfect different life but i just know that isnt going to happen dave wasnt home last night and i didnt want to bother emily so i just thought for like hours and hours i told trystan i was going to watch tv before i go to bed i just stared at the tv i didnt even know what i was watching it could have been porn for all i know i was just sitting there thinking and resiteing random lawrence arms songs outloud and then i thought about other things and ''southern rock'' by alkaline trio came out of my mouth i dont even remember falling asleep i let things get to me too much but some of them should because they are big things and i just keep thinking what if i wouldnt have been doing this or what if this would have happened would i be happier? or would it be the same as before? maybe i only know tempary happy i dont know the meaning of being a kid and living for the moment like ive told people i do bruce says he likes me becuase im me and he can be himself around me but im not me i dont know who i am im struggling to support alyssa to my fullest not because she has drum major and i dont its becuase i cant support myself i cant be happy with myself i know it all boils down to me now its the matter of fixing it and i dont think these are quick fixes bruce asked me last night if we were going to date again once everything is better i honestly dont know when everything will be fixed it could be years from now ????? only time and college will tell he will probably lose interest in me like ive lost interest in myself over the years i just wish i could be really happy and never be sad but i guess thats a far cry from what ive got......i leave you with one of the best songs from the best band in the world
right as rain part 2 by the larry arms
i'm mortified.
i'm morally antagonized.
my door is locked.
the shades are down.
the lights are off.
my movements are minimal. my sounds are inaudible.
i'm dull and void. these razor thoughts are paranoid.
i'm a footnote in your sentence.
i'm a last name in an index.
scavenger savior. don't forget to never remember
you haven't laughed in such a long time.
my tongue is tied. so tight it's left me petrified.
i stay up late. stumble home at a pathetic pace.
it is a time thief.
it sings in late sleep.
swollen screams are salivating apathy.
bottle clinking belmont neon.
a city sea of sinking freedom.
it's right as rain.
one salty kiss
stays forever in your fingertips.
I wish i could be loved and i wish i could love myself >^.^ |
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| disappointments always come to me |
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| 02:48pm 25/05/2003 |
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mood:  indescribable music: no doubt -dark blue
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this is the hardest day of my life i never want to get out of bed again i just want to stay inside forever i just have no worlds to discribe how i feel *sigh* other than i didnt think it would hurt this much *sigh* |
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| it's right as rain one salty kiss stays forever in your fingertips |
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| 01:32pm 24/05/2003 |
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mood: excited yet upset music: the larry arms - right as rain part 2
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so yes i was reading the lawrence arms website and i come to notice something lets share just a little for your reading pleasure
Guess whos playing in chicago the LAST week of JUNE? lets recap for a moment ehryn will be at BOA jenna will be in westland and the larry arms will be in chicago
as i told jenna we never get a freaking break.........:/
poor us |
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| mothers suck |
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| 01:10pm 24/05/2003 |
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mood: indescribable music: the larry arms - the first eviction notice
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my mom i cant stand her she keeps telling me to do this and that and to get a job HELLO? she doesnt even have a job she has no life all she does is yell and have numerous boyfriends while still being married to andy *twitch* and she tells me im a fucked up person and that i will never go anywhere look at her shes 40 and she still doesnt have a life when im only 16 and i dont intend on getting pregnent like she did i have goals and im sticking to them as much as she,mr cramer and the rest of the marching band doesnt believe me im still going to do what i want to do regardless of their thoughts cramer says i have to be good to be a drum major in college HELLO? i am good you just never give me a chance to show it noone does and that will be something back in peoples faces when i am exactly who i want to be damnit i can do anything and when people tell me i cant i just prove one more time that i fucking can and i do it so fucking well that they are speech less someday i will show everyone what i can do someday i will be the greatest drum major this side of the mississippi and everyone will be in shock when they see me kicking ass on the potem jenna will be crying andrew will be holding up a sign saying im the greatest david will be speechless and mallory she will be going crazy and there will be mr cramer and my mom just standing there in shock not knowing what to say because you can say you will do something but when you finally do it its great
-alyssa i wish you the best of luck this year i know you cna do it you have my faith and support all the way
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