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[05 Dec 2002|11:11am] |
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My breakfast consists of Gummi bears and Pepsi. I am amused.
I'm getting ready to go out for a run. I would update more but I can't at the moment. Sorry.
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| *Comes around* |
[17 Nov 2002|06:50pm] |
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If you want to be with her, then be with her. I'm not holding you back anymore.
Um... There was no substance in this update.
I just wanted to let you know that I'm around... But hardly.
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[14 Nov 2002|04:20pm] |
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Okay. I'm doing much better. I think.
I'll be online later.
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[09 Nov 2002|05:42pm] |
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mood |
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sick |
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music |
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Chris Kirkpatrick - 'I Will' |
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I am so sick. Someone shoot me thanks.
I just ordered Chinese food. Why.
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[06 Nov 2002|11:21pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
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music |
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Justin Timberlake - 'Like I Love You' |
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I think I am staying. Who knows.
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[06 Nov 2002|09:17pm] |
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mood |
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PMS-ing |
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music |
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Who the fuck cares? |
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WHAT THE FUCK. o:<
):
I only came back for Kristin.
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[06 Nov 2002|08:41pm] |
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mood |
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blank |
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music |
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Justin Timberlake - 'Never Again' |
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Like I was saying. Goodbye.
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[06 Nov 2002|09:38am] |
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mood |
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confused |
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music |
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Justin Timberlake - 'Cry me a River' |
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Interesting. I don't even want to guess.
Justin, this is a great song.
And most likely. I won't be around much anymore. (: -- Nah, I won't be around anymore. Really.
( The damage is done. )
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| I miss him... |
[05 Nov 2002|12:37am] |
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mood |
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drained |
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music |
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Mariah Carey - 'Whenever you call' |
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So, I woke up today to find out that Evan wasn't here. I must admit, I panicked... but I knew there had to be a reason. But I spoke to him, and he's okay, and as far as I know, everything is alright. I support his decision... I mean... It's all I can do right now.
Ha... those were the days. I miss Leslie... She needs to come around. I'm looking at pics and stuff... I really miss everyone, but I guess we are all doing our own thing now. Maybe there will be some type of reunion sometime in the near future. That would be nice.
I am going to bed. I don't feel well at all.
Love wandered inside
Stronger than you
Stronger than I
And now that it has begun
We cannot turn back
We can only turn into one
I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remember
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call
( I love this song. )
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| Stupid update. |
[03 Nov 2002|11:47pm] |
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mood |
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random |
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music |
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Time and Distance - 'Something' |
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I've been getting really bad with coming and talking to people and such. I do feel bad that I'm not doing so, but In a way. I think it's a good thing because there's a lot going on now, some that I don't even know about and really don't want to know about or get into.
Evan and I are just... dorks. Plain and simple. I love being around him. I never laughed as hard as I did today. I couldn't even breathe. My face hurt afterwards. It still does. And I hate my laugh. /-: I only laugh for special people. It's a rare thing. (: -- I want to get a puppy. I want to adopt one. Someone remind me to do so.
I was speaking to one of my friends earlier, and I told him that I wasn't comfortable with some things... and he said that I should just confront the person about it. Which I did. And I'm glad that I did. I feel much better now.
I like how my mom calls and speaks half english and half french.
This post was random. Shoot me.
you are everything that i have ever wanted..
and i'm not letting go this time..
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| Hmm. |
[03 Nov 2002|03:44pm] |
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Hey Evan. We need to talk.
It's nothing bad... I think... but we do need to talk. Soon.
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[03 Nov 2002|06:13am] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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Nothing. |
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Sometimes, you've just got to make the best of things.
This had no point, I just wanted to update and show off my new icon.
That is all.
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| I can't think of a subject. |
[02 Nov 2002|01:52am] |
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Evan and I have been spending a lot of time together. I'm not complaining. He's a great person to be around. Whenever I have a problem, he's always there, and I can feel comfortable telling him anything... and I mean anything, and I know he'll understand, or have something to say atleast that will make everything alright. He told me the other day how everything seemed to fit perfectly... and I can agree with him there. Right now, everything is perfect. I can't even explain how he makes me feel. It isn't explainable. I get so frustrated because I can't find the right words. I just love him and that's all I can say in hopes that he actually knows that I do love him very much.
No lyrics tonight because I am exhausted and sorry that I haven't been around much or I have seemed 'not into it' it's not because of you guys. I just... tend to drift off on my own sometimes. No biggie.
I hope everything works out for everyone.
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| Haunted by the notion... |
[31 Oct 2002|12:59am] |
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mood |
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peaceful |
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music |
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Berlin - 'Take my breath away' |
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I like to sit around... and just do nothing at all. Just listen to every little thing and not say a word. Sometimes you never notice the little things. I hate being so observant sometimes. Everything isn't as peaceful as it seems. Most of the time, we can't even hear what's really important, either that, or we don't want to hear what's important. Why? I could never answer that myself.
I woke up next to Evan this morning, but I always tend to wake up atleast an hour earlier than him. I'm use to running in the mornings and since I'm not doing that now. It's kind of hard to be asleep at that time. I've only been with one guy, but we never did anything. Evan is a very affectionate person and I like that. I like the way he holds me, and the way he spoons me. It's a great feeling. I just like how gentle he is with everything.
I made breakfast today, it was great to just sit at the table with your pajamas on and your hair still a mess, and not have to worry about it. After breakfast, I sat around, with Evan near by and I played the guitar for him. I've been playing for a long time now. It's just one of the things that I do to keep myself happy. It's amazing what I think about when I'm sitting there, with my eyes closed, strumming away... Memories. I feel so comfortable with him, and I am glad that I have someone to share all of my thoughts with, without worrying about what they think.
I am really tired, I'll be around tomorrow.
Watching every motion
In my foolish lover's game
On this endless ocean
Finally lovers know no shame
Turning and returning
To some secret place inside
Watching in slow motion
As you turn around and say
Take my breath away
Take my breath away
( That great song from the movie 'Top Gun' )
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| You know you're not alone when someone cares... |
[30 Oct 2002|01:13am] |
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mood |
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cold |
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music |
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Justincase - 'Don't Cry For Us' |
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It was pretty cold today, but that didn't stop Evan and I from taking a walk that was well needed. He looks so cute all bundled up. (: We held hands, and time flew by pretty quick, so quick that we didn't even notice it. We had walked a long way as well. I like getting to know him better. He is such an interesting person. Why wouldn't I want to get to know him more? I just like listening to him, it's good that he's a talker. I like that.
I'm going to make breakfast tomorrow or should I say today. I feel bad when he does everything. So let me do something for a change. You feel me? /ghetto-ness
Edit: I changed the look of my journal, thanks to Kristin. *-:
It's hard to know just what to do in times like these
It's hard to know just what to say
And I'm just sitting here just asking myself why
It's good to know you feel the same
And I believe
I wanna be your everything
And anything you need.
Don't cry for us tonight
Don't cry we'll be all right
If I could I'd be by your side
Don't cry for us
You know that I'd give anything to watch you sleep
I can picture you just lying there
We don't need to say the words
'cause they don't mean a thing
You know you're not alone when someone cares.
And I believe
You are still my anything
And everything I need
Built of steel, we may seem weak
and rusted
But in times like these we've always won
and trusted
in ourselves
It's hard to know just what to do in times like these
It's hard to know just what to say
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| We'll leave the world outside... |
[29 Oct 2002|01:14am] |
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mood |
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loved |
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music |
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Bon Jovi - 'Thank you for loving me' |
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It was a good night. We didn't get much sleep last night, so we took a nap late in the afternoon. I woke up feeling dizzy, but then again, I always do. As soon as I woke up, I noticed that he was already up, and had been up for quite awhile. We decided to start making dinner, I decided on Fried Chicken, Macaroni and Cheese, and Salad. He tried to act like he could cook, but I knew... That's why I offered to help. He's pretty good at it though. So it was all good. We ate with candles lit all around, it was very nice. We spoke about different things. When we were done we decided to sit by the fireplace... We told each other things that we never told anyone else. So it was you know... a real big issue to the both of us, and I'm glad that he could trust me in that way. He knows that I am always here for him. No matter what. And hopefully he's there for me when I need him. What I told him... was very very emotional for me, but it felt good to get it out. Finally. He's asleep now. By the fireplace. And I'm going to go join him in a few.
It's hard for me to say the things
I want to say sometimes
There's no one here but you and me
And that broken old street light
Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I
Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me...
( Thank you for loving me )
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| I want to be near you always... |
[28 Oct 2002|02:25am] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
] |
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music |
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Jewel - 'Near you always' |
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I fell asleep for awhile, tangled in his arms, a mess, a beautiful mess. I don't know why I am up right now. I managed to get out of his grip, and I watched him sleep peacefully. He's so beautiful... so calm. He was so tired, his face still a little red from crying when I picked him up... I felt really bad. I just hope that when he wakes up that things are better for him.
I already told you how I felt about you. I can't express it, or show it and it hurts so much that I can't do so, but I am always here for you.
Goodnight.
Please don't say I love you,
those words touch me much too deeply
and they make my core tremble
Don't think you realize the power you have over me
And please don't come so close
It just makes me want to make you near me always
Please don't kiss me so sweet
it makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow
And please don't touch me like that
makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow
Please don't look at me like that
It just makes me want to make you near me always
Please don't send me flowers
they only whisper the sweet things you'd say
Don't try to understand me
Your hands already know too much anyway
It just makes me want to make you near me always
And when you look into my eyes
please know my heart is in your hands
It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms
you have complete power over me
So be gentle if you please 'cause
You hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth
And it makes me want to make you near me always
I want to be near you always
I want to be near you always
I want to be near you always
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[27 Oct 2002|10:47pm] |
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Goodbye.
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[27 Oct 2002|08:17pm] |
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JC I need to talk to you when you get the chance...
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| I don't need a lot of things, I can get by with nothin' |
[27 Oct 2002|02:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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numb |
] |
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music |
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LeAnn Rimes - 'I Need You' |
] |
I'm packing some of my stuff right now... We were supposed to leave much earlier, but we didn't. I woke up last night, and I couldn't seem to get back to sleep. I remember walking into the living room, in the dark, and and laying down on the couch with the CD player on, I think my LeAnn Rimes CD was popped in, and I fell asleep to that, clinging to a box of tissues. I slept through the day, through our flight, and so did he. I woke up not too long ago, curled up, with the box of tissues, and the CD still going.
I don't know if I should go or not.
I also got a sore throat, from what, I don't know.
I'm talking to Willa right now, we have never talked before. So it's good to have someone to talk to.
I don't know what the point was of this update. But I just felt the need to do so.
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