| Flem Girl |
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| 06:27pm 17/02/2009 |
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I've romantically loved three people my entire life so far.
The one I love right now does not love me back. I've never had this problem before. Usually it's the other way around, they love me and I don't really care. I guess the pain I caused has it's karma biting it. but I'm not a bad person.
"I want to go to Brazil with you," he said.
"Sure," I said. I'd go anywhere. With you. Or is it anywhere despite you? Eh.
"But we can't live together. I can't live with anyone else."
"Didn't you live with your exgirlfriend?"
"But that's different, we were dating."
"Oh, I forgot, we're just 'friends'"
"I thought you were ok with that."
"I was until I realized that you were capable of a real relationship. Just not with me."
"I like you a lot."
"But you don't love me and you will find someone else you will love and then what will I do? I guess I could pretend I never loved you or just not care either way. It's hard enough saying 'I like you too' when all I wanna say is I love you."
"I don't believe in love."
"That's what I tell people when I don't want to hurt them," I said.
We were all working late on a project. Eventually it dwindled to just a few of us women. A few supplies were missing, they were in the room where some of the guys were sleeping. I went in to gather them. I didn't make any noise. A leaping motion scared me. What did guys do in the their sleep? I stepped out of the way, hoping he would land a bit away, but instead he landed right on top of me. He pinned me to the ground. My heart could have won the kentucky derby. His breath smelled sweet for a guy. He wasn't all sweaty or bacon smelling like most. He was so close. He moved his face even closer to look in my eyes. I blinked and gulped in some air. "This is sexual harassment, I hope you know." he said.
He pushed me down just a bit and walked away.
"Can he really sue me for harassment?" I asked my friend Molly.
"What happened?" she asked.
"I went into their room to get much needed supplies for our project. He leapt down from wherever he was sleeping, possibly upside down from the ceiling. I moved out of the way and he still landed on me. Talk about bad sense of direction. I mean my heart was racing a lot under him, but I didn't touch him or say anything. How can that be sexual harassment?"
"Did you imply anything?" she asked. "Sometimes us women imply things with body language that men just have to respond to. Maybe you did it without thinking. That's why we're not supposed to go in there. We're not suitable for logical thought."
It was morning, I couldn't avoid him forever, we were lab partners.
"Listen," I told him. ":Whatever happened last night, I didn't mean it as any way to be offensive towards you. I'm sorry you took it that way, and I will try to be more careful in the future. I hope you can forgive me and we can remain partners in science and education and not have to feel insecure around me."
"Dude, I was joking," he said. "If anyone was doing the harassing it was me anyway."
Now what could that mean?
"I don't feel harassed," I said.
"Good," he took my hand. "Let's shake on it, and you can nab supplies from our room anytime you want, but be warned I keep a very good guard of our bunk."
"I noticed."
This really sucks, my lungs hurt and I can barely taste anything.
I wanted to do comparative languages while I was sick but the farthest I got was one list of 8 words in English, Italian, Spanish, Russian and Korean. |
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