| let go |
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| 03:21am 08/06/2008 |
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Since April or maybe it was May, I always get to thinking, my one rule should be let go of that branch, trust in what happens will.
I think of when I decided to let myself rollerskate down the driveway in winter around 1am in a skirt and no panties.
I think of that feeling I get when riding my bike downhill at night, in the rain, throgh traffic
i like to feel alive
i wont be happy couped up in some living room
some bedroom
some apartment building
i have to live in a town of people
but i hafta live near the woods
they are my strength
i have to be surrounded by books
and love
laughter
friendship
i dont live in the moment but in every moment before and after
i need to stop biting these damn nails but i feel ive told myself so many times only to fall on deaf ears
i miss myself from 1984 on
i miss my sister and brother from every time
i miss ever friend i ever had
i miss andy and our giant robots
i miss ashleigh
i miss mary and david and cori and anthony and ron
i miss mountainview brookhaven south mhs wvu
i always love
pretend to hate
walmart teletech
south sheriffs office boparc scotts run
ive never had a job i didnt love in someway
i love humans
i love cats and dogs and raccoons and
trees and flowers and grasses
and skies and clouds and the sun and the moon
in all their phases
my heart can never fill but it fills over each day
eachand everymoment
i fill with love
am i more free with my body my mind my heart than most people?
yes
i am a complicated person
i have baggage
i have valises in every color of the rainbow
i cant sleep very well at night
im afraid of the dark still
i try to conquer my fears
i walk through the graveyard on my way home
i walk dowwn the stairs with no light
i ride my bike when i can not see
i am therefore i love |
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| what does she want |
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| 03:41am 08/06/2008 |
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She formed separate identities to protect herself from reality. Random Student was a stalker and a slut. She chased men relentlessly to add another page to her scrapbook.
Random Student had a problem. She could not stop herself from reading Professor Kynu's emails. Why did he give her his password?
She could not bring herself to tell him the truth. |
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| ok so i need to make decisions |
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| 06:33pm 08/06/2008 |
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what kind of two bit job do i want to take to save up money to leave this place?
and ultimately do i want to leave?
will i miss mom and hayes and mary and anthony and ron and jenny and granny and mystique and the rest?
are there many places tht have both nature and a nice supply of peopel/city like atmospheres?
what do i want to do with my life? maybe i need to know now |
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