| Letters Unsent |
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| 02:18pm 30/05/2008 |
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Jenny,
I was honest when I said I don't complain much because I'm passive. I like you a lot, but sometimes you drive me crazy. I think you don't really care about me. You borrow money and don't pay me back, you always ask me to come up to see you. You didn't visit me once when I was stuck in my house for two weeks.
Matt,
I suppose I am beginning to think you surly. You tell me you don't deserve my affections, you seem to dislike my kisses. I try not to do it, it tickles you. But today was the last straw. You barely said good bye. Maybe I am standoffish, I know you were pissed today because you lost your atm card, but last night I thought about leaving so many times. I didn't because I'm gutless.
I'm a crazy stalker, you should probably stay the fuck away from me.
My Confessions, Yo
open you up and get all kinds of fun facts about everything I ever wanted and even did not want to know
When I am looking for something, like what is quantum physics
Itype myquestion in your nifty google search
You give me different definitions, funny accents, examples
And try to sell me something
a new drug, something cool to drink,
If I'm hungry, you deliver whatever I ask
You interupt my search with pop ups for Futurama
or some new movie
when I want to go outside
I can just close you up
but I find myself mezmerized
I want to keep you open
for days to look at your shiny screen
and listen to your stereo
it is because i am getting attached
I want to run away with you but not really, i DO want to run away
but by myself
You like me when I'm not into you, interesting
You hit me with your umbrella...........................................
:(
confusion may be result of not being open with feelings
but whats the point, im leaving, youre leaving, besides, once a week isnt enough anymore
when i smell alcohol and cigarettes i think of you
when i smell weed i think of you
I love you
relationships are confusing, you mentioned we have been almost seeing each other a year, if the word anniversary comes up beyond you saying i dont celebrate or believe in them i may run away from you
no thats a lie, i wont run from you, and that scares me
I guess I want to be more than friends, but not your girlfriend, but i want more than once a week, more than no word from you until sunday
if you really stopped looking for someone for right now because of me i hope you are satisfied with me even though you arent the only one for me
i havent found anyone to compare to you yet, but i want to find someone that is not only as passionate and intelligent and fun and awesome in bed, but also makes me feel loved, and maybe someone i can run away with, at least for a while, someone who would come visit me when im sick, who would walk to my house in the rain just to see me, help me with things, someone who is as good a friend and lover to me as i am to you.
sounds crazy, this is why this is a drafted letter and will forever be one. unsent confessions no less of fucked up love
if were playin games with each other its NOT tetris maybe wanna them games that are anxious then moments of addictive relief maybe monopoly or a hard suduko
Sometimes to get down the hill you have to let go of the tree and crash down, hoping you make it safely. |
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| Maybe I will do a series of rendered greek myths |
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| 02:42pm 30/05/2008 |
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Everyone loves her. Even her. She is in love with herself. She is happiest when she gets to shine her greatest talents to impress and dazzle herself. She fawns over herself in the mirror, she flirts and beckons, takes sexy photos, plays pranks, trips herself up in public, sabotages her romances with others, anything she can to keep her to herself. When she tries to get a job, something that will make her famous, she is happy for herself, yet gets jealous of the attention. She wants all the attention, so she ruins that. She has a terrible social impediment, it is because she loses interest if people are not talking about her. She wants to know how beautiful and wonderful she is, because she loves her so much. |
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| Drunk Writing |
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| 02:47pm 30/05/2008 |
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You may think it's the alcohol talking, but I know my head is more clear than it has ever been. I have done a lot of thinking, and I know it is you I want. When I close my eyes, it is you I see. I know I will never be able to take your beautiful chin into my hands and pet your soft pale cheeks, or look into your brilliant brown eyes in any way more than a reflection, but I need you in my life. I am tired of you always leading me on only to drop me in favor of someone else. Anyone else! The people are so lame. They always have countless flaws and you know that. You don't seem to care about me at all. You do things deliberately to hurt me. And do you really think these guys care about you? They don't care about us, they don't know, couldn't possibly understand. I know you will lead me on, you always do. I know how you feel. I know you love me just as much as I love you. Quit your lying. Do you always have to be drunk to know the truth? Will you only love me when drunk? YOU are KILLInG US! I know Im to blame too. But I am taking a stand. I will be true to you. I love you, and i want you to be happy. |
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| Strangeness |
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| 02:55pm 30/05/2008 |
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I keep thinking and dreaming about Andy, I don't know why.
If there are soul mates, does being born in the same hospital count as a possible indicator?
There was something else I wanted to write, but I can't remember it now.
ABCS of Love, self explanatory I think I need to collect middle names.
List
1) Quit doing anything stalker like
2) Quit talking about people behind their backs
3) Quit doing things you don't want to do (unless you have to) |
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| I don't have a boyfriend |
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| 02:59pm 30/05/2008 |
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But I do see Matt occasionally
I also entertain Little Steve sometimes
And Carl
And maybe Rob
I keep thinking one person will take away everyone else, but I think I like to feel needed |
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| I can't get over watching them play ddr |
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| 03:01pm 30/05/2008 |
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It was a perfect example of two very different ideas and wants in my head
I watched Andy and wanted to hug him, I wanted to care for him. I thought he was cute and loved watching him "riverdance" to the songs.
I watched Joe and wanted to have sex with him. I wanted him to push me down and take me. I liked watching him sweat. |
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