| The Meeting |
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| 06:41pm 02/03/2008 |
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This takes place in imagination land and is the meeting between all the guys I've ever had sex with.
In Order.
Carl kissed Nancy goodbye. He wasn't going to let her start another fight. He was going to work, and he didn't want angry calls while working. He picked Angela up and kissed her on her curly blond head. She made it all worthwhile. She was why he stayed.
"Bye Princess," he said, putting her down on the floor, turning up Metallica on his mp3 player and leaving the house.
He got in his black Thunderbird and started to drive down the road. Oddly, the road started to look differently and soon Carl was not sure where he was. He didn't think he was drunk, but it sure seemed like the road was. Yet, there was McDonald's and there was a big sign outside. "Welcome Carl." He wondered what sort of surprise the coworkers must have planned for him. He smiled. Everyone loved him.
"I'll miss you more," Chris said, covering his girlfriend Stephanie with kisses. He went outside to get ready for another crappy day at work. If it wasn't for Stephanie, he'd probably kill himself. Every day just seemed to get worse. He got in his green Ford and turned the radio way up. He jammed to My Humps and didn't notice that the road changed completely. He saw the mall and stopped. It was time for work.
"I should probably go today, but I just don't want to." Matt said. He considered going and not going to his stupid graduate historiography class, and finally decided to go, but he was definitely getting beer on the way back. He walked down the godforsaken hill and to class. He was a bit high, so the road being different didn't seem to bother him. Woodburn loomed in front of him.
Some fucking Kike almost ran him over with his gas guzzler with the gay bumper sticker "Hillary 08."
"What the fuck," Matt said. The dumb shit got out of the car and started in on him.
"Why the hell were you in the way of my car?" Chris asked.
"Fuck you," Matt said. "You need to learn how to drive, but I see you're a retard who wants an evil cunt to run the US."
"Who cares if she's a stupid woman, Bill will whip her into shape."
"Her vagina isn't the issue, she's George Bush with a vag."
"You trying to look tough to make up for being a midget?"
"Fuck you," Matt punched him in the nose. Chris grabbed at him, but missed and fell over. He grabbed Matt's leg, getting kicked in the face, jumped up and smacked Matt in the nose.
"Fuckin pussy, that's not even going to leave a mark," Matt said, walking into the building.
He looked around, this wasn't Woodburn, what the fuck. It was a giant room with tables and a strange scrawny tall guy was drinking hot sauce directly out of a bottle.
"Wow, you drink hot sauce?" he asked.
"Yeah, you want some?" Carl asked.
"Fuck yeah," Matt said. Carl handed him a bottle.
"You should try the kind in Miami, its really fuckin sweet," Matt said.
"This kind's the best," Carl said.
"You just haven't been out much," Matt said.
"Eh, its always best when licked off of a couple women anyway."
"A couple, how many have you had a once?"
"At most was 4."
"How do you do it?"
"He doesn't," Chris said interrupting. "He's a lying loser. By the way, Carl, how's that whore Cathy, are you guys back together?"
"Fuck you," Carl said, punching Chris in the face.
"You never learn," Matt said.
"What the fuck," Chris said, laughing. He grabbed hold of Carl and pushed him against the wall. Carl pushed him back.
"You fuckin pedephile," Carl said. "People like you shouldn't breath."
"Ewww, you fuck kids?" Matt asked.
"Yeah, my friend was married to him and found it on his computer."
"Disgusting," Matt said. He punched Chris in the ribs.
"Hey, he's mine," Carl said. "He threw my friend out of a moving car."
"Oh a wife beater that fucks kids, I should have recognized your stupid zionist pedismile."
"Shut the hell up," Chris said, twisting Carl's wrist and being surprised at the strength in his scrawny arm.
Nathan woke up in the back of his computer repair shop. It wasn't like he had a life, so he might as well sleep at work. He yawned and went to the bathroom. He heard noise and came out to investigate.
"What the hell?" he saw three guys. One was tall, scrawny and wore a green trench coat, one was short with baggy pants and a baseball cap and they were both beating on one who was medium height with a slightly pudgy face and a shaved head.
"Hello," Carl waved. Chris attempted to use that as a time to slap him, but Matt grabbed his arm back.
"What are you doing in my store?" Nathan asked. "We haven't opened yet." But he looked around confused. It looked more like a big party room. Tables were set with food, there were chairs, couches, even a tv and entertainment center. He scrtched his head. He hadn't drank anything last night. Why had he woken up here?
"Oh, is this your store?" Matt asked. "What do you sell?"
"It's Mcdonalds," Carl said. "I don't know how it changed."
"You can come out now," Chris said. "I know you're playing a trick on me. Haha, its not funny, let's go."
"Hello everyone!" Harris came in smiling. he looked around. "Not much crowd, I must be early." He went to a table and got some punch and a plate full of crackers.
"Why are YOU here?" Matt asked Harris.
"Oh, we're meeting to discuss Ron Paul's speech, isn't that why you came?"
"No, I was going to histiography."
"Oh, I hate when that happens. Maybe we hit some sort of shift in time and place. Freaky." He shoved a slice of ham in his mouth and chewed noisily.
Joe heard the discussion on a space time mess up and walked in. He smelled the food and knew that this was the place. He wasn't sure what the meeting was about, but a free meal was a free meal. He walked in and over tot he tables. He started filling his plate with ham, chicken, chips, potato salad, deviled eggs and assorted sweets, cookies, fudge, etc.
"Nice hat," Joe said to Harris, who was wearing a black cowboy hat.
"Thanks, nice shirt," Harris told Joe, who wore a yellow shirt with a black stripe, like charlie brown.
"Hello, fellow ninja warriors," Tarek shook Joe's hand when he walked in.
"Hi," Joe said with food falling out of his mouth.
"Hello," Tarek shook Harris' hand. Harris shook it back.
"I'm please to meet you," Harris said. "I'm Harris the coordinator for Ron Paul in Morgantown, WV. Where are you from?"
"Pittsburgh," he said.
"Me too," Chris said. "And probbly most people are, since thats where we are."
"I beg to differ, you retard," Matt said. "This is Morgantown. Someone smoked some bad rock."
"I don't smoke no fossils, like you," Chris said.
"This is Morgantown," Joe and Carl said at the same time.
"Yeah," Harris said. "I'm pretty sure anyway, but like I said, space time.. woah."
"Umm, we're in Marietta, Ohio," Nathan said. "You are all confused."
"Eh, are you guys rehearsing some sort of play?" Nat asked walking in.
"Where do you think we are?" Harris asked.
"Baltimore," Nat said. "But this is NOT my office, so I'm not sure anymore."
David had his D&D books in his backpack. He was all ready for the tournament. He opened the door and was a bit surprised that only one other person appeared to be dressed up. He looked down as his rogue warrior dwarf costume and felt overdressed.
"What's your class?" he asked Carl.
"I'm usually a werewolf," Carl said. "Which game you playing?"
David took out his books.
"I haven't played that game in years," Matt said. "Cool." Him, Nathan and Joe gathered around David's books. David smiled a bit at the attention, but looked annoyed that no one else brought a book.
"Woah, geek overload," Chris said.
"Hey," Steven walked in and looked around. Free food is always good. He loaded his plate and sat on a comfy chair near the group of people pawing through some books. "Eww, reading," he strained his neck to see.
"It's original D&D," Nat said.
"What's D&D?" Steven asked. David ignored his idiotic remark. But Carl smiled and walked over to him. He started to explain all the possible definitions of role playing and all various games, classes, attributions, dice throwing, gms....Steven got lost at, "D&D is one of many role playing games..." |
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