06:07am 29/05/2004
  im with nate now and life is amazing i love him to death, sorry i havnt written i just hate kevins ass so bad and i didnt want to go back here and have any bad memories my new one is jaylilcarebear for all who still have me on their friends list  
     
gimeakiss
 
   
09:32pm 03/10/2003
  SORRY  
     
4 :'* gimeakiss
 
YO I HAVE PLANS   
08:56pm 02/10/2003
  SRRY BRO  
     
1 :'* gimeakiss
 
WORK WAS AWSOME!!!!   
11:09pm 29/09/2003
 
mood: tired
music:

send the pain below

i had such a good day today whoot whoot! work was awsome and i didnt make many mistakes i worked 4-10:15 or so it was great, i was scared at first but once i got there and started it was grreat. im too tired to write so ill write more when im not so tired!
 
     
gimeakiss
 
went from bad, to worse, to horrible, to great   
01:45am 29/09/2003
 
mood: numb
music:

someday

i very basically and with not to much info at all am going to tell about recent events and please dont say ne thing about it unless its helpfull. or u think so ne who....
Friday: kevin was supposed to come over i had a suprise but it was raining so he couldnt come, we going into it big i spilled things i prolly shouldnt have said and yeah didnt turn out very well. Spent the night locked in my room looking at pics and crying
Saturday: He was supposed to come over didnt so again~cried all day because i knew something was wrong so i wrote an email (which was stupid on my part)...
Sunday: He came over to break up with me which i knew he was going to but we worked things out, i dont care that he told me he could never love me as much as i love him so long as we are together, dont tell me im stupid i cant help that he means everything to me, i start work tomorrow. Fun fun fun!!! and have school then tuesday i have to have kevin and i go to the doctor and then idk whats going on from there...we will c how jeannas wonderful world works out when tomorrow comes. tata bye bye!
 
     
1 :'* gimeakiss
 
Sorry   
05:47pm 28/09/2003
 
mood: depressed
Sorry every one i wont be writing unless something great happens, like he comes over and every thing is ok, but for now im just down at my friend a few doors down talking out my piddly ass problems with her trying to figure out what to do and how to be ok...i just want to see him thats all i want right now all i want to do is hug him and make everything ok again!
 
     
3 :'* gimeakiss
 
   
12:58am 27/09/2003
 
mood: crushed
this has been the worst day of my life
 
     
3 :'* gimeakiss
 
YOUR A WHORE!! you! yes! u!-just kidding   
10:37pm 25/09/2003
 
mood: recumbent
music:

saliva

i guess sometimes i just cant sleep take last night for example i stayed up all night and had to go to school dead tired, blah!!! That was not all together cool if u ask me! i am cutting a few ppl who have not commented in awhile, not kevin of course even though he hasnt commented in awhile, a long while actually hes been busy with school and he mite be getting a job at denys (i think thats what it is called) but i start work on monday ne who! I am kind of excited. I gave wookers a bath today cuz he slept with me today and he smelled yuckie so bad i almost puked, so i gave him a bath and brushed his teeth and i unaccidently let him out side cuz gloria came over and he was standing by the door shivering so i put a hoodie on him and brought him in the house and wrapped him in a blanket so he wouldnt catch cold. it was horrible...poor little thing!
 
     
2 :'* gimeakiss
 
MAUHHHHHH FUNNNNNNNN   
11:37pm 24/09/2003
 
mood: quixotic
music:

duck n run

NICK MADE ME SOME COOL STUFF FOR MY BLURTY~HE IS SO COOL FOR IT CUZ I LOVE IT AND I KNOW U ALL DO TOO LOLS!

ne who, well i was sleeping today cuz i took the morning after pill (the other set) and started puking and blah felt like shit...stupid pills!! And well mancinos called me and i was sleeping and mom woke me up at 6 and told me they called i called back and whoot whoot i got the job i start monday at 4 that is awsome my kevin is online so i will continue this in a little bit
Muah!
 
     
5 :'* gimeakiss
 
ahhhhhh   
11:10pm 24/09/2003
 
mood: devious
music:

someday

IM SO DAYMN COMP RETARTED!!!!!
 
     
2 :'* gimeakiss
 
school!   
01:40am 24/09/2003
 
mood: productive
music:

PERFECT

the school thing hummerzzz evry one wantz to know how thats going I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT ugh why do ihave to be so anti social all the fucking time i mean i like ppl i just dont know how to talk to people its kind of hard when i used to get the shit beat out of me every day id get off the bus when i went to carman i mean who the hell did they think they were to have 4 girls on a girl who was no bigger than a fart come one now!~ so i am supposed to just jump back into school all happy like and say COME ON BEAT MY ASS AGAIN~ well im not doing that i have done good at keeping my mouth closed so as i dont get into any fights that could get me hurt!!-ahhh well idk, next block im going to alanis because i know ppl from there ppl i actually like except i heard sarah goes there and she always smelled like pussy kinda musky too like she never took showers and if she did she 4 got to wash her cooter. I am kind of umm not liking to sit by someone when they smell of musky pussy that is just not good not good indeed.
Ne who i am trying to find a job, going hunting again tomorrow *crosses fingers* i have got to make some money i need to get out of the damn house no matter how scared i get, i have been doing SO GOOD latley with the whole thing, now to go to the dentist and get my teeth done wouldnt that just be the best thing in the world, why am i so scared...maybe because of all the sharp metal things they like to stick every which way in ur mouth always asking "does this hurt, does that hurt" when they know damn well that they are shoving the sharp pointy thing so far into ur mouth its bleeding OF CORSE IT HURTS DUH~ well...that just rubs me the wrong way although i need to get it done
i went and got the morning after pill yesterday now lmao, i feel so sick to my stomach i wish i wasnt such a jack rabbit, its like i require more sex than most girls...its just him i think because...i always just want to rip his clothes off and rape him. Well not always because i do enjoy our chit chats and just hangin out with him...the most embarrising thing happened today ahhh MOM KNOWS WE HAVE SEX AND I HAD TO TELL HER AGAIN WHILE KEVIN WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE WHY THE DOC CALLED ME BACK AND TOLD ME TO GO TO MEIJERS PHARM. LOL kevin was like oh shit shes going to kill me lmao but she didnt because shes cool like that! mauhhahha
nighty nighty
*Jay*

HEATHER I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU
*INVITE ME TO THE SHOWER*
...IM GOING SHOPPIN I HAVE SO MANY COOL THINGS IMA BUY THE KID....WAIT SHOULDNT I KNOW IF ITS A BOY OR GIRL FIRST WELL FUCK IT IDC!
 
     
4 :'* gimeakiss
 
whooptedooooos   
01:03am 24/09/2003
 
mood: ditzy
music:

world so cold

okey dokey went to the clinic and well i got the morning after pill which was awsome
i wasnt preg
even better
i seen kevin n it was great
i have school in the morning
i have to be up until 4:45am to take the other pill....wowzaaa idk lol
cant sleep
all itchy sick to my tummy!!
ok im going im bitching too much tata
 
     
gimeakiss
 
   
11:49pm 22/09/2003
  i am really not having a good moment right now~ i went out looking for jobs i must have filled out a ton of apps but the thing mostly on my mind tonight is everything in my life right now, i have only had like a 3 day period and i could be preg i was so late to start it...i need to go to bed and stop worring about it blah!  
     
2 :'* gimeakiss
 
another sleepless night!   
01:05am 22/09/2003
 
mood: cold
music:

saliva-always

"World So Cold"
When passion's lost and all the trust is gone,
Way too far, for way too long
Children crying, cast out and neglected,
Only in a world so cold, only in a world
This cold
Hold the hand of your best friend, look into their eyes
Then watch them drift away
Some might say, we've done the wrong things,
For way too long, for way too long
Fever inside the storm,
So I'm turning away.
Away from the name
(Calling your names)
Away from the stones
(Throw sticks and stones)
'Cause I'm through mending the wounds of us
Keep your thorns
'Cause I'm running away,
Away from the games
(Fucking head games)
Away from the space
(Hate this head space)
The circumstances of a world so cold
burning whispers, Remind me of the days,
I was left alone, in a world this cold
Guilty of the same things, provoked by
The cause,
I've left alone, in a world so cold
Fever inside the storm,
So I'm turning away.
Away from the name
(Calling your names)
Away from the stones
(Throw sticks and stones)
'Cause I'm through mending the wounds of us
Keep your thorns
'Cause I'm running away,
Away from the games
(Fucking head games)
Away from the space
(Hate this head space)
The circumstances of a world so cold
I'm flying, I'm flying away,
Away from the names
(Calling your names)
Away from the games
(Fucking head games)
The circumstances of a world so cold
Why does everyone feel like my enemy,
Don't want any part of depression or
Darkness, I've had enough
sick and tired, bring the sun, or I'm gone,
Or I'm gone
I'm backing out, I'm no pawn,
No mother-fucking slave to this,
Never lied
Never left
Never lived
Never Loved (i love kevin)
Never Lost
Never Hurt
Never worry about being me, or anyone else
Not a care, no concern, don't give a shit about
Anything

Backing out, giving up, no mother-fucking
Slave to this,
Never lied
Never left
Never lived
Never loved
Never lost
Never hurt
Never worry about being me, or anyone lese
Not a care, no concern, don't give a shit about
Anything,

I need to find a darkened corner,
A lightless corner,
Where it's safer and calmer,
I'm turning away.
Away from the name
(Calling your names)
Away from the stones
(Throw sticks and stones)
'Cause I'm through mending the wounds of us

Keep your thorns
'Cause I'm running away,

Away from the games
(Fucking head games)
Away from the space
(Hate this head space)
The circumstances of a world so cold
I'm flying, I'm flying away,
Away from the names
(Calling your names)
Away from the games
(Fucking head games)
The circumstances of a world so cold

i like this song, dan told me about it i down loaded it because i cant sleep and it was good, i am still liking the red by chevelle, i have school tomorrow and i cant sleep because of well, i have no clue why not...i want to go to the clinic tomorrow because i am scared but i have to wait until tuesday i started my birth controll today i hope it stops the threat now, because i dont need a baby!~ i love kevin so much just laying in his arms made me so happy i didnt want it to end, Dan is taking me job hunting tomorrow *crosses fingers* because the whole big john shit aint going like they said, so and im getting sick of being dicked around so hes going to take me since kevin has college and cant. Plus me and dan havnt hung out in awhile it will be good to get out of the house again. There is so much i want to do that i have to do, i feel like im going no where and i want to do something with my life when its all said and done i dont want to be living like this ever again but i want to make enough money i could make it on my own if i needed to and live comfortably. My mood is improving and i am trying my damnedist to make some goals for my self and do them i have so many things i want to do, like ok here are some of the things

1. i need to get a job because i need to pay things off i want things i need things and i want to be able to pay for things sometimes like some ppl have been asking me to go places and i cant because i can not find a way to get the money plus i want to start staying with leah but id have to pay rent.
2. School- which i have already got done my new goal is to stay in it!
3.go out and do things even though i get scared- try to beat the anxiety because i need to i have to, i just have to do it. i am learning new ways to not worry so much and i am doing better
4. quit smoking agan, quit drinking and when i get upset NO PILLS!-this is not to big of a task to complete i will be ok with doing it, and i need to stick with the not smoking thing,

this is just some stuff i also want to get back modeling again and i want to go and try to adution for comm and mags again like i used to do because that was so much fun, i want to go see my brother some time out in montana but he says hes coming home in two weeks for a little bit to look for a house which is cool and if he comes i cant wait, i guess things havent been going so very well with him and his wife latley but they always seem to work out, jeremy to me is what a real man is, he ended up marrying marci because she got pregnant he was never happy and she was not even some one he wanted to be with but he got drunk they had sex and she found she was preg so he married her, didnt question if it was his didnt argue about it just stayed and most guys wouldnt do that, he has always stuck by every one no matter what he always stood by me even when he thought i was being dumb about something he always stood by me, someday i know hes going to be happy even though things dont look so good for him right now, i just want to be there for him like he was always there for me. Hes not my full brother hes half but he might as well be my full brother because we are just as close.
 
     
1 :'* gimeakiss
 
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO   
10:56pm 21/09/2003
 
mood: dorky
music:

the red

omg i found out that one of my friends is pregnant-name with heald. I have no clue what to say congrads or be scared for her because i know what she must be feeling, i was once there thing is she has been there before as well too, i know her and her boyfriend love each other n hes not going to walk out on her!~ Wozaa! all i can say for the time being idk what else to say because my sister Leah may be pregnant too and brian and her broke up but are still sleeping together and now she will have two kids with 2 diff dads and she isnt with either one of them, she put it on her self though why would she still have sex with him if they are broken up just to know that she can, how dumb!! She loves him and i mean she already had an abortion to keep him when he got her preg once before and he didnt even stay with her. What a prick! I have been dreaming alot about death and every time u dream about death some one gets pregnant and MY FRIEND and LEAH are....omi, im just glad that i dont have to worry about it i started my birth controll today and tuesday me and kevin have to go down and get the day after pill, we had sex yesterday and well with out a condom he pulled out but he thinks he didnt totally and i was on my period and im not sure if u can get pregnant when your on your period or not but idk i need to go to the clinic and get that pill i dont want to risk it again! He stayed the night with me last night and we actually fell asleep and it was nice i slept so well in his arms better than i have ever slept in my life! He got way scared because of what happened, i pretended like i wasnt but i was, i was really scared, i dont want to have a baby not right now ne ways. well i have to go peace out brotha! nitey nitey
*Jay*
 
     
2 :'* gimeakiss
 
i am pathetic   
12:14am 20/09/2003
 
mood: ecstatic
music:

chevelle

im having a good day today lots of fun filled events happened...for starters i got up and kevin came over and we were going to go to the movies but i didnt have shoes so i had to go to leahs and get them out of her car well when we got there the parade was going to start soon which was super cool cuz i used to go to carman and i wanted to see all the bitch ass people from my school walking in the parade, well we left and i had to stop at the store and make a stop for my mom and so kevin called the movies and found out what time underground was playing and we had awhile so he took me to this place called badawest its like Lebanese food, i thought i would hate it but i tryed it and it was actually pretty good, we sat there and talked for a little bit and ate what we wanted then we went to the movies and we were lucky we got there when we did it was packed the movie was good except for some ickey things that happened but all and all today was great, i skipped a few things but yall dont need to know about what else happened...lmao! i had so much fun and things really are ok now, and i am so happy!

NiteyNitey
*Jay*
 
     
1 :'* gimeakiss
 
well ok   
11:00pm 17/09/2003
 
mood: frustrated
Me and ashley got are self's all dolled up for nothing really, just to do so and we were just sitting on my front porch and these people come walking down the street and see us and there are like 6 guys and 2 girls and they just stop and say hi to us and go about walking well ashley was all upset about the ryan situation and she was crying so when they came back the 2nd time they were like wud up girl why are u crying to ashley and she explained the situation i was just sitting there listening then these 2 guys start asking me my name and told me i was so beautiful and asked me if i had a boyfriend i didnt even get it out and they said of corse you do i smiled and said thank you and yes i have a boyfriend well the one dude just kept tryn to talk to me and i was like listen..i have a man and yea u aint him. i was feeling so good because they just kept telling me i was beautiful and stuff it felt good, i havnt herd it much latley it was nice. No call no see today with kevin...hummerz...i thought he was going to start calling me. idk at least i have saturday to look forward to
 
     
1 :'* gimeakiss
 
wozza   
01:45pm 17/09/2003
 
mood: cold
music:

hello

stupid fucking kearsley! they wont release my records and such to fenton lawn because of books that i lost and didnt pay for so now i have to wait until moms next pay check in a week to pay the shit off...grrrrr all is well though because i am going to get to see kevin on saturday i have this whole thing worked out and every thing. They are still going to let me start so that is all good, and well i am going to be on my way, omg i want a cig so bad right about now and i dont have ne clue why i want one i just do!! This whole not smoking thing is so hard i have been going crazy and well him saying that he is proud of me makes it all worth while, i am doing so much for him right now i just want to make him happy, i am not even worring and i swear on everything that i could that i am not worring. :'). wozaaa i need to go to bed cuz i am coughing and coughing. The park thing the other day was so amazing. I couldnt have asked for a better day.
this is my plan for saturday

Saturday night: i want to make dinner, something lite but good something i know he will enjoy.I have to figure out what to make because i want this to be perfect then go to stepping stone falls. I want to bring a flash light and a blanket and go down the trail that we went before to near by the water and just sit down there and have it be all romantic and such, if ne one has a better idea on what i should do comment back and tell me what u think would be cool, i am open to suggestions. I wish he would show up like today or tomorrow after class even for a few minutes and have everything be perfect just like it was the other day but hes been busy and i dont expect anything but who said a girl cant wish?!? lmao, i love the boy to death...hes going to figure things out soon and make time for me again then things are going to be more perfect than before.
 
     
1 :'* gimeakiss
 
   
10:48pm 16/09/2003
 
mood: hungry
Today was fun, blah worried about starting school tomorrow, i have to go get all my classes figured out and then i have to talk to the principal and then i get started on my first class and i should be done by 1:15 im worried about it but i will be fine i just have to get through this first day and the rest will be smooth sailing... i didnt c or talk to kevin yet today but all is well because i was busy today helping chayna and james with there probs, and such and hangin out with my friends...it was good to do so with out worring. I love him and i am finally all right with this, i mean i dont care when hes with his friends who he hangs out with just as long as he still calls and says he loves me once a day and a few times a week comes and sees me when he can. I mean every word he said yesterday just made me believe every thing is ok and i have never felt like this the whole time we were together that every thing was just OK. wow. i am so happy right now. Thank god!
 
     
1 :'* gimeakiss
 
BAND-AID   
11:06pm 15/09/2003
 
mood: loved
music:

if your gone

well things today couldnt have gone better things went grreat, he told me things i needed to hear for a long time and maybe he is right maybe we do need to not always spend so much time together, i believe what he says because why would he say it if he didnt mean it?...i know that he does and i love him so much i feel so much closer to him not heather was right, but of corse she is always right. I think that he is the best guy i could have found and things should get better from here. No More Worrys!~if he wanted to leave then he would have done so already and he hasnt so i know hes not going to! IM SO HAPPY OMG! we went to the park and it was so amazing i am so glad things happened the way they did!
 
     
1 :'* gimeakiss