Sunday, January 8th, 2006

Subject: I'm still alive: Time: 11:31 am. Mood: awake. Music: Nothing, Tv..

Hello there. I am not sure anyone reads this anymore ( not that I write in it ) everyone is so caught up in “My Space”. I guess that’s the “in” blog now! Hehe, I am at my mother’s abode and I was trying to do orientation on-line but it won’t let me access the web site so I am taking a break now. How lame. I had a great Christmas (yeah right) I was sick! I slept through New Year’s …umm let see what else, I have had a new job for about 2 months now at an Indian Clinic… umm, Naomi is been fun, she’s a great person, like a second mother but one who is closer to my age so she understands because she’s been through all my mess-ups before when she was my age…I am going on and on, I am just so excited about my life right now. Robert is doing well. Umm, enough about him, LOL. Okay I need to go try to access that web site again, which probably won’t work, dammit.

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Subject: I'm back: Time: 8:52 am. Mood: amused. Music: Postal Service.

Woah haven't been online for a while. Parents got a new computer and I am living in Hemet with Robert (aka Asian Cacausian) so I don't get to use it. Came for the weekend for a birthday party celebrating my birthday and Mayra's. Uh Huh. Bored, so I am going to go. Have fun.

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Subject: Job: Time: 7:06 pm. Mood: tired. Music: Emotionless-Good Charlotte.

I have a job! Yeah, it's not the best job in the world but at least I can get money to get my car now. YAY! I work Front Desk at Motel 6. Anyway...don't really have more to say. Bye bye. Holly...if you get to read this again...I miss you and I love you. Let's go to knott's scary farm...everyone wants you to go. (everyone = jonathan, ariana, oscar, etc.)

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Subject: Serial Killers: Time: 8:41 am. Mood: excited. Music: nirvana-dumb.

Robert gave me a book the other day, and I cried because it really meant a lot. It is the visual encyclopedia of serial killers, and it's such a cool book! ( I know I sound really nerdy ) Anyway, yesterday I went to the doctor because I wasn't feeling so wonderfully, and it turns out that I have bronchitis again but this time it caused asthma, so I got like two shots, nasty cough syrups, and some pills. I hate the doctor. But I hope I feel better. I am sort of looking forward to doing my English homework, but then again I am not. My essay has developed really well, but it still needs some improvement, and I am scared to touch it! I did Jonathan's makeup yesterday for practice because of Halloween. I tried to do it as closely as possible like Paris Hilton does hers, and wow, I did not know I could do makeup that well. LOL. He looked beautiful and he wouldn't stop staring at himself, it was hilarious. Then he put on a pink shirt and a black skirt which belonged to Mayra, and wow he has a nice girl figure. LOL. It was so fun. I should have taken a picture...but maybe next time. Anyone want me to do their makeup Paris Hilton style? :-) Well, I am going to go now...ta ta. Loving you...is easy cause your lovable Robert!

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Time: 12:13 pm. Mood: happy. Music: Taking back sunday-Ghost man on third.

Ah, I bit my tongue yesterday and it still hurts! I got my FAFSA summary and I found out how much money I am getting. I have to say, I am very pleased. Yesterday was cool as always, just hungout with Robert and Andre...did the usual, they are a trip I must say. Supposedly Robert and him are going to the surplus store today and he is going to get me something, even though I insisted he didn't. He's weird, lol. I was listening to some CD's yesterday, and they were playing the XBOX and we both turned around at the same time and made eye contact and he moves his lips and says "I love you" and all I could do is just give him a big smile. Then he turns to Andre and he's like "Hey Andre, I love her"...as if he didn't already know. Jenny called him yesterday. I think she thinks I don't like her only because when I met her we didn't really get the chance to talk since we were at the movies. I hope that in the future we can be friends, since she seems like a nice person. Who knows. Supposed to have a sleepover with Jonathan today. Well see how that goes. Anyway, I have a ton of homework, so I should get started. Au revoir. J'aime Robert parce qu'il est un garcon qui m'aime unconditionally.

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Subject: Been a while: Time: 5:20 pm. Mood: cheerful. Music: Taking back sunday-You're so last summer.

Wow, seems like forever since I even turned on my computer. As you all know, I was living with Robert, and now I am back home. I upset a lot of people when I was gone, but they understood. Now I am safe and sound in my abode. Things have been going very well. I started college around a fortnight ago, thus I am completely devoted to that, NOT. Haha, I do my work, but I also have fun. I see Robert a lot still, I can't believe our relationship is this good. The other day we had this picnic at the beach the whole day, and it was lovely. We had a blanket, my book, and I brought some snacks, but most importantly, the time was well spent with my polly. I am no longer friends with Rosary. I think she is a bitch, and I don't care what she thinks of me. She's a huge backstabber; it has taken me a lot of time to figure that out. Better late than never. Jonathan on the other hand, has become my best friend. We do everything together. He's gorgeous. Robert thinks he is funny. It's so funny because Jonathan has this stalker, his name is Gustavo, and we think he is too afraid to come out and just tell J that he thinks he is cute. It's quite scary actually. I've had a stalker before, and don't wish that to anyone else. HAHA. Now that we are on the subject, there was this guy on the bus the other day who started talking to me, and he knew me. He described Robert to me, and was like "see, I know you". I think he's been watching me because he kind of told me so. He seems harmless though. I don't know him though! My song: She said: "don't, don't let it go to your head Boys like you are a dime a dozen, Boys like you are a dime a dozen" She said "you're a touch overrated, you're a lush and I hate it but these grass stains on my knees they won't mean a thing" And all I (all I) Need to know (need to know) Is that I'm somethin you'll be missin (is that I'm somethin that you're missin) (maybe I should hate for this) Maybe I should hate you for this Never really did ever quite get that far (maybe I should hate for this) Maybe I should hate you for this Never really did ever quite get that... I'd never lie to you Unless I had to I'll do what I got to Unless I had to I'll do what I go to, the truth is you could slit my throat And with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleedin on your shirt And all I (all I) Need to know (need to know) Is that I'm somethin you'll be missin (is that I'm somethin that you're missin) (maybe I should hate for this) Maybe I should hate you for this Never really did ever quite get that far (maybe I should hate for this) Maybe I should hate you for this Never really did ever quite get that... Cause I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions This'll be last chance you get to drop my name Cause I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions This'll be last chance you get to drop my name If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar

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Subject: 411: Time: 1:48 pm. Mood: content. Music: Handle this-Sum 41.

i'm still in love...close my eyes, but still a broken heart. Things have been going great in my life. Steadily my relationship with Robert grows stronger, and we are communicating more which is something we lacked. On the 25th, it was our one year anniversary thing, so we went back to the Crystal Cathedral where we first held hands and he looked into my eyes and asked me to be his girlfriend. I go to his house every weekend and spend it there because he is living with his sister and that is the only time we can see each other. So, I spend all weekends there, and weekdays I spend with friends. I like the fact that he is getting along with my friends too. We even hangout. My polly came to the HOOKA bar with us! Wow. I love him so much. It's been great. This weekend we are going to spend watching some of my favorite movies, and it's 4th of July too. I can't wait to see what's going to happen. Other things have happened but I can't remember, or if I told you, I would have a book. ...cause I will bring you down, I don't want to miss, I don't think you can handle THIS.

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Subject: YAY! Time: 2:27 pm. Mood: bouncy. Music: You're so last summer-Taking back sunday.

She said don't...don't let it go to your head, boys like you are a dime a dozen! Everyone I am graduating! I'm so bomb ass happy! YAY! YAY!

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Subject: Why?: Time: 4:48 pm. Mood: depressed. Music: Loving me for me-Cristina Aguilera.

My life has gone to hell. Everything is hell. I don't know what happened, nor do I care. Yeah, depressed Arelly again. :D

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Subject: YeAH: Time: 2:22 am. Mood: creative.

http://morbshuriken.proboards25.com/index.cgi ...go there if you are bored...started by my polly! it's the shitznitsiingcheetoos!

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Subject: Yeah: Time: 11:15 am. Mood: curious. Music: Walk Away-Cristina Aguilera.

Prom is tomorrow. I work today. I haven't bought accesories and I am broke up the ass. HAH. I'll wear trash bags for shoes! I can barely type with these nails! I just want to have a good time at prom and forget about my problems. I wish a special someone would have gone with me but that person would never go. Don't get me wrong, going with Jesse is great, he really wants me to just be happy. I feel bad for all the trouble I have caused even though he says I haven't. I saw parts of Van Helsing at work yesterday, it was cool. Jesse was drinking. We went to Carl's and he bought me a Milkshake, woot woot! ...for a better tomorrow

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Subject: Walk Away: Time: 4:27 pm. Mood: crappy.

What do you do when you know something's bad for you And you still can't let go? I was naive Your love was like candy Artificially sweet I was deceived by the wrapping Got caught in your web And I learned how to plead I was prey in your bed And devoured completely And it hurts my soul Cos I can't let go All these walls are caving in I can't stop my suffering I hate to show that I've lost control Cos I, I keep going right back To the one thing that I need to walk away from I need to get away from it I need to walk away from it Get away, walk away, walk away I should have known I was used for amusement Couldn't see through the smog It was all an illusion Now I've been licking my wounds (licking my wounds) Woke up in love and seems so great (deeper, deeper) We both can't subdue Darling you hold me prisoner (prisoner) I'm about to break I can't stop this ache I'm addicted to your lure and I'm feeling for a cure Every step I take Leads to one mistake I keep going right back To the one thing that I need... I can make it It's some state I'm in Getting nothing everytime What did I do to deserve The pain of this moment And everywhere I turn I keep going right back To the one thing that I need to walk away from I need to get away from it I need to walk away from it Get away, walk away, walk away Everytime I try to grasp for air I get smothered and this sky, it's never over, over Seems I never wake from this nightmare I let out a solid breath, let it be over, over Inside I'm screaming Breaking, pleading the world Ahh... My heart has been bruised So sad but it's true Each peep reminds me of you It hurts my soul Cos I can't let go All these walls are caving in I can't stop my suffering I hate to show that I've lost control Cos I, I keep going right back To the one thing that I need... I'm about to break I guess I missed it I'm addicted to your lure And I'm feeling for a cure Every step I take Leads to one mistake I keep going right back To the one thing that I need... I can make it It's some state I'm in Getting nothing everytime What did I do to deserve The pain of this moment And everywhere I turn I keep going right back To the one thing that I need to walk away from I say... I need to get away from it I need to walk away from it Get away, walk away, walk away Only thing I need to do is walk away I need to get away from it I need to walk away from it Get away, walk away, walk away I need to get away from it I need to walk away from it Get away, walk away, walk away I need to get away from it I need to walk away from it Get away, walk away, walk away

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Subject: Blah: Time: 2:57 pm. Mood: blah. Music: Legs wide-Trina and Ludacris.

Seems life is quickly progressing and I feel as if I am in the same spot. College, friends, school, work. Everything, just going on without me, and I am stuck here in time not knowing if my decisions are too rash, or whether or not they will affect me in the future. I feel as if I need a guidance, yet I know that I need to make it alone, for myself, and no one else. Of course, as of now "conquering" the world seems like the greatest accomplishment, but I need to set my feet down and face reality as it is. It's easier said than done. I need to find inner peace with myself and lately, I feel consumed with lies. Lies of supposed friends, family, loved ones. There is no need for me to say their anonymity for it is not my right to do so. My only concern, for right now, is of myself. I don't consider this selfish, or egotistic. I simply, feel, that in the end, all I will ever have is myself and what I have accomplished. People come and go, and I am stuck with myself forever. I need to find my completion. I have been finding it, but then, I take the wrong turn, say the wrong thing, and I am thrown back to the beginning of all the sorrow and my meloncholy feelings. I am stronger than that. I need to prove myself. Find way, find peace, find myself.

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Blurty for Just Forget Me, It's That's Simple. View: User Info. View: Friends. View: Calendar. View: Website (Melo). View: Memories. You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.